That was very emotional and touching. These days and times we see so much touble and strife that it is hard to see good through the thickness of the fog of bad. I'm going through my selfess Aunt dying without the Lord. She's went through so much and been and death''s door and I've tried to get her to turn her life over to God but she'll watch gospel music in the morning and cussing and being mean by the afternoon. Now she's in the hospital dying. They think she's had a stroke. My Aunt is 81 just bought a 2005 Malibu Classic, gave her 1999 Lincoln, $5000.00 cash and still owes $9000.00! They really ripped a dying woman off! She has no children and her husband is already passed a great christian man she put through hell. She left her friend the car which s already given to her so that my son nor I can drive the car. I also believe her fiend took her to do a new will which Jean only had two blood relatives left me and my Mother. I wouldn't want her estate but my chldren should be left something. Plus, right now my husband and I have no car. My son wrecked one car and I left our van running becuase I went to pick up my Aunt and Mother and they left in an ambulance and didn't tell anyone! No calls nothing. I feel alsleep with the vehicle running and messed up the fuel injection system. My husband is disabled and had a coalmining accident in 1999. He's only 47 so they owe him a good bit of money. We'll be on our feet soon and we'll stay there. God will plant our feet firmly on the floor.
Sorry I got carried away but I see others have it worst than me.
With a little work this could be a perfect piece because it is packed with emotion! You work some more on this because even if it doesn't get published it is a great tribute to someone you loved. I even use some of my work in my scrapbooks with pictures just a suguestion.
Also, a few corrects. The doctors search for the face
of the widowed woman. Regreting they could not save him they comforted us in knowing they did all they could.
{v:color}He meant the world to me like a grandfather.
Really they should put this poem on the back of a pack of cigarettes. I don't smoke but both my children do and it breaks my heart. My Father know has cancer of the throat from smoking. It is so sad. He can barely talk. You know I always tell my kids, "You knew it was a snake when you picked it up."
Keep writing. Very good.
Diane
Great work. I love your way with words. It really does potray the youth of the day. I am glad I read it because it brought me back to when I was a young woman. The only thing that it lacks, to me, is the the use of all the senses. That some times for me is hard to achieve but my creative writing teacher said to always use all five senses.
Diane
It was kinda of a hard read but a good one. I really liked the idea because it is so true especially for me right now. You are so right too that it is the people that are doing it to you that say those things. Like my Mother saying that I shouldn't care what people say to me when she is the main one doing the damage with her words.
Keep writing.
Diane
I really liked that and it is much like my poem Rage. I think that it is good to get things out in the open and let your feelings run amuck. If you keep it in it would only end in depression and hurt yourself. Some times we need to think of us.
I read your Bio. I am the same way. I read any thing that isn't nailed down! Used to when I had nothing to read in the bathroom I would read directions over and over. Isn't that crazy? Have you read "Angels and Demons" by Dan Brown? I couldn't get into his DaVinici Code but liked the other.
That is so good, so sweet, so innocent, and some thing that we, who have forgotten we even have a dream, need to know still exists in life. You know not too long ago I was out to lunch with a friend. She ask me what my dream was and it was sad I said I don't have a dream. Oh, she really got me. Everyone has a dream. What about that novel you wanted to write. Have you forgoten?
Anyway any writing that sparks the human soul is worthy of the best review. I hope I've acheived in giving you that, remember keep writing!
Diane
A little confusing but good. I think you were doing what I was doing in the recent poem I wrote "Rage" which I wish you would read and review. I saw a typo toward the end of the poem that was "their." That's were my confusion lay is in the last sentence "But our boys
Will surely call you, in thier mares out..." I didn't quite understand it since you had not mentioned the boys before.
Thanks and keep writing. I think if you work on this just a little it could become a great piece that would get a 5 rating.
Keep writing.
Diane
The never ending pain of us on earth left by those little boys are forever etched on our hearts and you can tell by this poem. I really liked it except for one part. I don't think God had a plan for taking Alex and Michael. I think that the devil had a plan and worked through their mother in her sin. I know God worked through Alex and Michael after their deaths in the ourpouring of the nation's heart. I imagine that God was as shocked as us that anyone would take the life of the children He loves so well.
Diane
That is so good and to accomplish this writing with your sons. You must be a remarkable woman.
Welcome to the Day in the Life group. Oh, we need each other so much so you will find comfort here.
There's another group that I am a part of "The Silent Helper's Group." They are also a wonderful group of people. I'll mention your situation and maybe they can help with some points so you can stay online. I know the feeling because I couldn't have kept my membership without some special angels God sent my way.
That was so beautiful and the picture that it paints of an elderly woman is absolute perfection. I think any writing that potrays a mature woman as someone who is really a thinker and is blessed by much more than material things on this earth is some thing we need to see more of...keep writing. Yours was a refreshing change. I'm going to email you a site where you can post your poem in a contest. You do need to do that because it is very good.
Diane
I like the images that this kind of poetry gives to the reader. I'm going on the internet and looking for this type and give my try at it because I know I will not know what I'm doing. It is beautiful work though.
Are you still taking classes?
Did I tell you that while I was in Tuscaloosa, AL I will soon receive information about their Creative Writing program? Not very many colleges offer it; around here anyway. I don't know about other states.
I really liked this and it's amazing how it caught and held my attentionbecause this is not the usual Genre that I usually read. If I had seen that it was Sci-fi I would have looked the other way but I'm certainly glad I didn't. In some ways the start of your work reminded me of the book, The Stand by Stephen King. The end of the Earth as we no it but when you also stepped in with another planet and world order I became really interested. You have to go futher with this because as I see it, someone totally outside of what she really reads and then you catch me with your writing and hold me there. That says a whole lot.
Diane
Anna,
This is really a great piece of poetry and when you read mine you will do as I have done and be in total shock at the simularites of the two works. The only difference to me is the fact that I used less words but they both paint the same picture. Really errier like I was meant to read your piece of work. I loved it...the way it made me feel, think, see, etc. Your use of the senses is great and that's the key to good writing.
Diane
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1077474 by Not Available.
There are a few grammer errors but not many. I liked this uplifting piece of work. I can see every thing at play here and you just did a great job of showing the carefree yet some times complicated life of a roomate at college. I just got back from my daughter's house and she's not in college, taking a break right now that is longer than I wanted but she's working. She lives with 2 other girls! They go to college and all work at Hooter's. It's an ususal match of girls. This reminded me of the past 4 days with them.
Keep writing.
Diane
So very sad to love so much to have it broken. I know your pain. Read my poem Rage and it is out there. That poem made me feel so much. Especially the hard relationship I had with my first husband. I was so in love that I just couldn't be close enough and I know he felt the same. You know though it was like a fire if it kept going it would have burnt every thing in it's path.
One thing: How my heart it beats for you,
I would leave IT out.
Diane
I really loved this story and with a little help it could get a perfect score because I too, have experience a canoe ride and it's perfect for a good short story.
I saw one part where it should have been: It should be Mom and Dad loved it too. Or use the word also.
I liked this and it really showed the story of a man in pain. I think with a little work I could give this a 5 because as I usually say this is a work that should be said if for nothing else but to save another.
I saw just one misspelled word..gray. I usually don't look alot for misspellings because I am too interested in the work and what it says so you may want to check it again.
I liked this and found it to be much like the old English poetry that I studied and loved so much when I was in high school. I love the old wording. That is missing from a lot of poems these days especially mine.
I can feel the angels hiding her from the world so she won't become spoiled to it.
I really feel the pain of the woman you are writing about; she even sounds like me. I like the way of your free verse. The only thing I would do is leave some of the words out. That is very hard for me to do in poetry too but I think that it really gives the reader a chance to do their own imagery of the poem.
Awww...yes! The perfect scene of someone who has writer's block and is dying to fill the page with words of her/his own or to even fill them with the unknown voices inside their heads.
I loved this. It even reminded me of times I would be taking a test and just go blank when I knew perfectly well all of the answers.
Well, Snake, what a dream. I could feel every thing you were saying. I guess when we touch that subconsience we can bring up the side of us that doesn't come out in the bright of light.
I appreciate the good review you gave me for "Rage" of which I am still in...I have to stay away from him so I won't loose it again. I feel him win when he gets a reaction. So I go to my attic tree house and write.
Country Mom, thinking the same thing I am, my husband needs to read this. God's give him 3 chances he needs to change so it may not be 4!
This was done so well. You are a terrific writer. How did you get your books published. I joined one of the groups that is really serious about published. I just joined them so I can't remember the name. I'm starting a new group to do the book "the Artist's Way" by Julia Cameron. Have you ever read it?
This is going to help me so much. I've been a member of writing.com for awhile and I've never took the time to find these little things out that can help so much now and in the future.
Can you believe that I bought a upgraded membership so I could have a website and never found out how do create the website. Funny, eh?
Thanks for all you do!
Bediane1954
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/bediane1954/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/16
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.27 seconds at 11:05pm on May 16, 2024 via server web2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
