There were several mistakes in your short story but because it was too good with content I had to give it a 5! It is the best story I've read in quite some time. I've always wondered about the water witching stick as they called it in my small town. What a wonderful story.
The problem with the story is just typo's, commas, punchuation, and stuff. I've copied a few of them so that you can kind of see what I'm taking about. Also, remember I'm no expert. I'm taking the classes they have on writing.com in order to improve my writing.
They sent a woman, who as I understand it, had been in the poor house over by Concord.
No one ever thought it would last, her coming there the way she had, from the poorhouse and the State and all that.
She was my mother's sister,
Why everyone knows about Mr. Joes stick."
You just ask anyone, go ahead, just ask,” he said.
“Why where on earth did you ever get a crazy story like that,” she wanted to know.
I hope this helps some. There were more but I didn't point them out. I got a wonderful program from EBay that does a better edit. It's called writing tutor. You can also go to www.whitesmoke.com and download their software. You can use it three days for free and then you have to pay for it if you decide to buy it. I'm hoping, one day, to have the money to purchase it. It's awesome. Try it. After you download it I think you put your cursor on your short story then press either F2 or F3, it will tell you in the instructions, then it does a great job editing.
I'd love to do that kind of photo with my husband's 1951 Chevy before we sell it. I'm going to try eBay in a couple of weeks and see how we do.
Men like their little babies, don't they? Mine had a car accident and can no longer drive a three speed on the column. Watch him buy another one after I sell this one.
A very good dog story. It reminded me a lot of the "My Dog Skip" book, of which, I loved both the book and the movie. You made this dog come to life with your words. I can picture him in the human clothes and how emrassed he felt. I've seen a few dogs put through that torture at my house as well. They act like they can't move and hey, what would we do if we had to wear a dog suit?
I know the true life of loving a pet. You can read about my experience in
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I loved both of the stories. You wrote them in such a manner that when I finished reading the essays I felt like I had something in common with you, like an old lost friend! It broke my heart when you had to say good bye to your Wicket. I know exactly how you feel. If you will read my essay, "The Accident,"
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you'll know why I can feel the way you did at that time in your life.
I'm glad you started a contest about pets. This day and time I think we all need pets as a way to deal with all the stress we endure. The more I'm around my dogs the more I love dogs instead of people. The doggies in my life have always loved so unconditionally.
Very good and so much like a man using a woman for whatever and then not following through. This was a good read and it reminds me of being young and in love. After being married for 28 years it is hard to remember. I do remember my husband being somewhat of a player.
Diane
That was such a beautiful write and one that touches the bottom of my heart. I used to work for a camp and we had all kinds of groups come there but my favorite was when the mentally ill came. It was then that I had my fun. They would have a dance and I would stay after work and eat supper with them and then stay for their dance. The next morning I would be there and they would point there finger at me and start twisting. Oh, how they did everything with such abandon! My sister in law works at a mental health facility and adopted a young boy. He went on our our family outings and loved all of life. He soon grew older with a violent temper and could no longer stay with my sister in law and her husband. It was sad. We grew to love him as one of the family.
God bless people like you that are willing to work and love these people. They have such a heart.
Diane
Oh, you said it so right. It reminds me of the website www.interviewwithGod.com. We waste our lives wanting to grow up and when we get there we want our youth back. I remember those days when gas was only 19 cents a gallon. Days were spent just driving in the woods. Watching the sparkling objects on the sides of the road. Laughing at anything that was moving. Laughing just because. Oh, I miss them too. It seems so long ago.
Diane
I love flowers too. My sunflowers are in bloom even as I write this. I have Hollyhocks, Impatients, petunias, wildflowers, all kinds of beautiful plants. Would you like to swap seed at the end of the season? I have generations of four o' clock seeds. They spread so easy and they come back to see you every year!
Diane
I loved the story "The Lottery" by Shirley Jackson. I wish I was the writer that she was and Eudora Whety. That's when the short story was really good. Some of the best from my favorite John Steinbeck. He really wrote some great stories. I loved American Literature. I was always the one in school who was so interested in English Literature. When I got to college and chose American Literature I thought I would be disappointed but I wasn't.
The site I was telling you about is www.care2.com. Especially check out the petition area. We can make a difference!
This is a very unique piece of poetry. Without reading your biography I could tell by your writing that you are one with the earth. It makes me feel so good to know there are people like me who want to leave this earth better than they found it. We are around the same age. I'm 52! I'm also of Native American heritage, my husband also. I'm of the Creek tribe and my husband is Cherokee and Apache. My great great grandmother's name was Deer-I-Saw.
Again, I commend you for your excellent poem.
Check out www.care.com for ways you can help preserve the Earth! It's a great site that does wonderful work.
Hey, that isn't you! I'm going to get you for plagrizing or whatever that word is a picture. I have one just like that taken last year in my backyard. Same grass everything. You stole that out right. You know you could get in trouble for doing something like that and it still favors the one on my driver's license!
Ha!
Diane
Same age as me! Great. Another good pointer is when having your picture made tip your chin down. I've always heard that cutting your hair short would make you look younger. I'm glad to hear your essay that states a woman looks 20 years younger with longer hair. My hair is below my waist, my natural hair!
I look forward to hearing from you. If you'll check out my port I have a beautiful young model daughter. What do you think of a career in modeling. She isn't tall enough for a runway model but would make a great model on everything else. Don't get offended by the photos as some have because they are in the bathtub. You can't see anything but some don't care for them.
Thanks loads,
I'm headed to the site now and will book mark it.
I only saw one mistake the ., at the top of your essay.
The website is beautiful. I love the scrolling marque going across the page. I love the angels but most of all I love what the website stands for and that's doing good among member's of writing.com. I've been a member for a little over two years and I know I would have lost my mind if I didn't have the friends I've made on this wonderful site. Keep up the good work. I would join but I'm really concentrating on the new school Deborah Owen started....what a wonderful angel she is because I am ready. I have my backpack, my new pencils, and notebooks. Everything is ready to go except my mind. I've lost it so if anyone on your site finds it please send it back to me. It would be so much repairing because it's so old.
Love ya'll,
Diane
Content: Great but really sad because it hit home. I have a son named Chris and I am so afraid that he will not be with us long. He is the Prodical Son, there's more information on him at my port. This was heartbreaking but yet there is hope because he is with his dad and one day if the circle be unbroken, we'll all see again.
If this piece of writing was corrected I would give it a higher rating. There are just too many errors but I do the same when I am in a hurry to get my thoughts down on the paper. For instance, in your first sentence: I wonder if your really out there. It should be I wonder if you are really out there or I wonder if you're out there. Just simple stuff like that.
As far as the content it is good. We are question God sometimes but He is there, we have freewill to do what we want with God's help, but I don't believe He is in heaven treating us like a game of chess. Some good readings for you would be: Purpose Driven Life, When Bad Things happen to Good People, and Joel Osteen's lastest book. They'll help you if you want a walk with Jesus.
Here's a poem. I didn't write it but it sums up to me the God I pray to...Pathway of Pain by unknown
If my days were untroubled
and my heart always light
Would I seek the fair land
where there is no night;
If I never grew weary
with the weight of my load
Would I search for God's Peace
at the end of the road;
If I never knew sickness
and never felt pain
Would I reach for a hand
to help and sustain;
If I walked not with sorrow
and lived without loss
Would my soul seek solace
at the foot of the cross;
If all I desired was mine
day by day
Would I kneel before God
and earnestly pray;
If God sent no "Winter"
to freeze me with fear
Would I yearn for the warmth
of "Spring" every year;
I ask myself this
and the answer is plain--
If my life were all pleasure
and I never knew pain
I'd seek God less often
and need Him much less.
For God's sought more often
in times of distress,
And no one knows God
or sees Him as plain
As those who have met Him
on the "Pathway of Pain."
I love it! My favorite second Mom is named Fay. She's from San Jose and I love her. I would be like you and forget everything. Don't buy one of those things that plays back things that you need to buy in the store. It only holds about 45 seconds of stuff. We would forget to take the thing to the store anyway. LOL>
Diane
Very good! No wonder I like everything you write. I love Mississippi writers. One of my favorite is the one who wrote "My Dog Skip." I think Eudora Whelty is from there, Flannery O'Conner, William Faulkner, all the great writers!
You hang in there with the education. They can't take that away. The only thing I'm wondering about is did you go to jail or did you just sense what someone would feel in jail. Either way..good job!
Diane
I like to hear the voice on the other side of the bars. My son is in jail for about the 10th time. I've nearly given up hope in him ever doing the line you said, "I’ll just have to change,
It can’t be that hard,
Can it?" Chris had a fairly good job, great insurance, living with his grandmother, rent free, using her car, got on drugs again, and robbed my former employer. He thinks he'll get out of it; not even worried. I think he likes laying around jail, not working, watching T.V. I've started a book about him but when I work on it I get depressed and have to quit. I'm hoping that by writing this I can show others the warning signs of addiction.
You did a great job on this poem. I wish you'd give me permission to print it and send it to him in his next letter or give you his address and let you write him if you've had the experience.
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Oh, just to go through what you've been through and to loose your partner. You would have to have someone that had a similar experience so that you could share and open up to a new life. I often wonder in that situation how you can see you life go before you. All the things in life that were familar disappear before your very eyes.
May the blessed Creator of all give you a hand in starting your life anew.
Keep writing. You are excellent.
Diane
I saw your testimonial on writing.com! You are a wonderful Scorpion so am I! That's the reason you have this dark, deep, depressive poem that you've wonderfully created. I write poetry and mine is usually the same mad or sad, I can create better. You need to keep writing. The talent is in you. If I can help you find your way around let me know. There's also a club for newbies that really helps as well. Let me know if you are interested.
WRite On, Diane with the pink roses
This was great because we always look at the what if's. All of us do it and perhaps some of us, at least I do, don't like to say, "What If this, what if that, I just like to live for the moment with no plans.
I love the way you used the trees, flowers and blooms to complete the way it made me see the words. I don't know if that makes sense but maybe I could also put it another way. When you use the wooded area where you meet there is something very romantic in meeting in t he park. It's kind of a secret place where others try to see your works.
Don't ever give up on your writing. I haven't and one book in particular has really helped me see outside the box and the fact that I could write whenever I got the urge. It even makes you want to quit your regular job to help others do the same the name is "The Artist Way" by Julia Cameron. Look for it in one of the search engines and I'm sure you'll find a review.
Love,
Diane
This was a good write but I would like to see more detail. I really don't know what you felt about the girl. Was she a friend, girlfriend, wife? Did she have a chemical depression or just sad because of something that happened in her life? There's just too many unanswered questions. It's like that part of your life is too hard to write down. If you don't get it out, later, you could become depressed also.
The title caught me but I didn't understand the story. It seems as if she is blaming him for her cheating in some ways but then in other ways it looks like he is cheating. Then she asks if he will be faithful after this first cheating, then she will forgive him. After that he decides if he has to be faithful he doesn't love her enough to do the faithful boyfriend part.
That is a truly great essay. You proved points on both sides which is really unusual in a arguemental essay. I don't remember where I pur the distrubing paper I wrote on God. But if ‘God’ were empirically proven, He would necessarily be a part of Nature, and thus not Supernatural – nor God – at all. To prove Him scientifically would be to disprove Him.
:c:black} I had heard of Naturalist before but didn't really know what they were until I read your essay. If was very helpful. You keep writing you do have a way with words!
Diane
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