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Review Requests: ON
1,146 Public Reviews Given
1,147 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I have a review template that is only used for in depth reviews, usually those that are specifically requested. These will be as comprehensive as I can manage, including everything I have noticed in reading the piece. Most of my reviews, however, are more in the nature of reactions to the piece with brief notes on things I find particularly good and suggestions on dealing with any obvious flaws in the writing.
I'm good at...
Reviews of stuff I particularly like. If I think the writing is good and the ideas original and inventive, I will say so and become enthusiastic about it. I will point out flaws, particularly where I feel that they interfere with a positive reaction to the piece, but I will also offer suggestions for fixing such problems.
Favorite Genres
I have a broad spectrum of genres I'll review. It's easier for me to list the genres I won't touch.
Least Favorite Genres
Romance, erotica, overly dark subjects without a good reason for existence.
Favorite Item Types
I'm unsure what is meant by this - I would have thought the genres sections covered this.
Least Favorite Item Types
See previous section.
I will not review...
Again, see the genres section that lists the genres I won't review.
Public Reviews
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426
426
Review of Bad Roses  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
To thank you for the costumicon you gave me, I have been looking for something I can review for you (not that this would be a suitably magnificent return gift but I'm not very good at magnificent). I came across this and decided that I liked it so much, I should review it, especially as everyone else doesn't like it at all, judging by the measly two stars it has from 25 reviews. Then I read the sentence at the end and realised that it was one of those "bad" contests that expects only entries trying for "bad" poetry.

You present me with a quandary (I am showered with gifts!). I can award according to my feeling for the poem, thereby ignoring your entreaty for only one star, or I can make you happy (I presume) by acceding to your wish. Of course, the contest must be long gone, since the poem was written in 2003, so it might be that I can be completely objective (and honest) in my assessment. And anyway, it seems that some have ignored your plea by pushing the average to two instead of one. Oh, mischievous fate!

I suppose this is the problem with a lot of contests - that they enforce the creation of pieces that will lose their relevance as the criteria for the contest vanish with its demise. Those occasions when I've been admonished by a reviewer for not making a poem longer, when it was written for the 24 Syllable Contest spring to mind.

In the end, I think I must review it for its own qualities, even if my implication is that the poem is better than you were aiming for. As comic verse, it succeeds in making me smile and the deliberately cracked meter adds to this. I admit that this is assuming that the aim is comic verse - it may be that the badness intended was that it is supposed to be seriously bad. But if I pursue that interpretation, things get incredibly complicated as I dither between awarding kudos for good writing that succeeds in being bad, and giving stars for badly written stuff that is, therefore, adhering to the terms of the contest. I'm going to grasp the nettle (or rose) and take it as comic verse.

In which case, I have to award the poem five (yes, five) stars for succeeding in its comic intent, with me at least. And that gives me the opportunity to write a review that might bring a smile to you as well. *Wink*

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427
427
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)
I don't think you falter at all. It's a tight, disciplined little poem that retains a sense of fun. That's not easy to do.

It's rare that I review rhymed poetry - I don't feel that I know enough about it to criticise. But I do think that the less the rhymes jump out at the reader, the further we get from the adveryising jingle. And this poem has such natural rhymes, I had to read it again to check. Yes, even "bickery" works without hitting us with a club.

And that's what I really wanted to say - that inventing words is part of a poet's job. Ask google how many words and phrases William Shakespeare invented that we still use today. They should, of course, need no explanation (and "bickery" doesn't). It's the context that gives the meaning.

It's a great poem thaqt says exactly what you wanted to express.

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428
428
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Delightful. The full extent and clarity of a young boy's imagination is demonstrated in so few, simple words. Yes, you fooled me, pulling me so willingly along with your description, seeing the great weight of the train, the woods and fields through which she steams (ah, there's the clue - I think all the steam trains are gone by now), until at last you let me see the boy who conjures all this from a string of paper clips.

As one man who loves the romance of steam and inspiration of paper clips, I recognise a kindred spirit. A fine poem indeed!

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429
429
Review of welcome  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is how effective free verse can be. It's a string of vivid impressions leading us deeper into the experience of the place that you describe. I think we all must know of places like this, with a feeling of danger merging with steady progress toward the house that is the goal.

And, when we reach the house, there's a welcome in the flowers, the light from the windows and food, music and bed. Again, it's the details that paint the scene and bring it to life, leaving the reader feeling that he knows the place, has been there sometime in his life.

It's a beautifully effective poem, achieving exactly the transfer of emotion that is, surely, the aim of all poetry.

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430
430
Review of A Mare Visit  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I like this a lot. You have taken a difficult bunch of prompt words and woven them into an entirely believable tale that has no hint of being contrived. You draw the reader on through the development of the plot until he has to find out what happens. In short, you make the reader care.

Add to this the poetic style, where flashes of insight are strung through the narrative, bright snapshot visions of almost hallucinogenic clarity that colour the tale with presence, putting the reader right there in the unfolding story. It's heady stuff and I can find no flaws in it. Well done!

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431
431
Review of The Wave  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Very clever - you had me guessing (wrongly) for much of the poem. But the description of the event, which is probably common to us all, is precise and you haven't cheated by withholding information at all.

In fact, there's not a word wasted anywhere. And your impulse to shout a warning, though too late as it always is in this situation, is to be commended.

I don't recognise the contest for which it was written and must presume that it was prior to my time in WdC. But your effort certainly seems worthy of a place at the very least. I hope it gained one.

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432
432
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I like this. And now I'm trying to work out why your three reviewers managed only four stars as an average. What on earth did they see that was wrong? I couldn't see anything. Maybe they just didn't like the thought of a dead child. But that's life - full of unfortunate occurrences. Oh well.

Your telling of the story is very clever, with the mounting panic as the child fails to appear. The end caught me unsuspecting, exactly as intended. The writing is without fault and interest is held right to the end. So why that missing star? I can only attempt to fix it by giving you five. Thanks for an excellent read.

Oh, and keep writing, as they say around here.

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433
433
Review of Fair Reaction  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I don't normally bother with shaped poetry but this one proved so good that I could ignore its strange (and apparently pointless) shape. In real life or in literature, there is nothing so effective as being able to laugh at oneself and this piece is fully aware of the humour in its annoyance at the cancellation of a craft fair. Sheer genius crafted this elegant and honest self dissection. I can even forgive that it mentions covid19, the subject I am so heartily sick of (metaphorically, I mean - I don't think I've got it).

It seems that no one has dared rate this so far. I'll fix that and give it what it deserves - a full five stars. Thanks for a great read. *Smile*

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434
434
Review of Black  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I really love this evocation of Africa with its bright, vivid metaphors and descriptions. There was one thing that gave me pause, however. In all my twenty-seven years in Africa, I don't recall ever seeing a raven. Crows, yes, but never a raven. But I did my research and you're quite right. The white-necked raven is found in all the areas of Africa that I know. Clearly, I was not being observant at the time.

So, in the end, this adds even more to my enjoyment of your poem. I learned something as well! Those descriptions are very accurate and bring the sights and sounds of Africa again to me. especially those "of budding acacias,
umbrellas
over weary elephants."

Wonderful work. Thank you for taking me back.

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435
435
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
As a great fan of the dandelion, I had to respond to this little gem. It's the dogged persistence of the dandelion that I admire, that it invades the lawns of the home owners and is almost impossible to uproot. Add its pretty flower and its wonderful seedhead and I am surprised that we don't surrender and just have lawns of dandelions.

Your piece is well written, precise and to the point. I'm supposed to make suggestions for improvement but I really can't think of any. Well done and keep writing!

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436
436
Review of The Handkerchief  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I must tackle that statement, "Not a poem," since there are a couple of indicators that, actually, it is. The fact that it is written in lines that look very much like verses set the scene and then the capital letter given to the word "gently," following a comma tends to confirm that impression. If you're serious about the piece not being poetry, it may be necessary to change these indicators.

The form of 50 words exactly is much to my liking and I wish the contest was still going. There are similar ones (Tweet Me a Story for instance) but nothing quite as abbreviated as this. I was involved in one that closed recently, 24 Syllables, but that was poetry rather than prose.

Your piece fits the purpose of the contest very accurately, I think, since it includes a wealth of detail and food for thought within those few words. The contrast between the tramp's gnarled hands and the ethereal handkerchief is particularly eloquent (quite poetic in fact) and the reader is struck by the meeting of two worlds, the light, airy world of the handkerchief and the sad, despairing tramp that reaches to bring something of beauty into his world. It is most fitting that, in spite of the denial from the policeman, the world of beauty reaches out in turn to the tramp, the handkerchief landing on his boot as if wanting to stay with him.

And that final sentence is where there may be need of more accuracy. The phrase, "As he shuffled off," seems to relate to the policeman since he is mentioned immediately beforehand. Some doubt on this is cast by the word "shuffle" as coppers do not usually shuffle along. But doubt returns with the inroduction of a boot to catch the handkerchief. Cops may not shuffle but tramps rarely have the means to wear boots.

These are easy to fix, however, and it should not prove too difficult to rephrase within the 50 word limitation. The piece is excellent, providing much for the reader to ponder and, perhaps, even to return to read again. Most enjoyable (and yes, I did read it several times to catch all the nuances).

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437
437
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
All this and I learn what an AU is into the bargain. I can hardly complain after that, can I?

There really is nothing to complain about in this pretty little piece. It progresses smartly with a glint in its eye from the very first sentence and never fails to amuse and delight the reader. What an exceptionally light and subtle touch you have as a writer.

The piece is billed as Relationship and Romance/Love and it achieves exactly that, giving us a glimpse into lives that are much closer to reality than the usual run of things in this genre. I love it.

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438
438
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Nice little story, although I'm not convinced that it qualifies as flash fiction. Shouldn't it have a bit of a twist at the end? Maybe that was something I misheard (but I must admit that I was expecting something like Tom falling off the summit as a finale - I've been reading too much horror lately).

Your writing is smooth, well-paced and clear. I can't find any fault in it so I'm left with not much to say. It's a very enjoyable piece with just the right amount of emotion and wisdom. Well done!

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439
439
Review of A Hot Bath  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Interesting. The first poem about the bath that I've read. Makes me wonder whether I should try writing one about the shower!

Just one thing that I have to mention, although it's a minor point. "Laying" is what chickens do to eggs; we "lie down," unless we're laying concrete slabs or tiles. I know that it's a regional thing in both the States and the UK, but in writing we ought to escape our local mannerisms and bow to the great god "Accepted English." Sorry - one of my minor hobby horses.

I can't help but feel that you should concentrate less on the physical facts of bathing and tell us more of the feeling that it gives you. Does it really matter to the experience what shape the bath is?

Other than that, it's an effective and original poem. Great work.

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440
440
Review by Beholden
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
An entertaining little tale, although a little over-burdened with detailed descriptions. I found the emphasized sounds a bit disconcerting at first, perhaps because they were separated so far from their explanations.

Consider this, for example: "SLAM!

Mia immediately shifted in her seat to face the speaker for today's lecture, who had shoddily slammed his books on the table..." Any surprise Mia might have had from the sudden noise is dissipated in the description of her movements after the noise. Only then are we allowed to know the reason for the sound. This tends to rob the portrayal of the sudden noise of its immediacy.

Be careful of those descriptions, too. They so easily are turned from their intended meaning by word order. An example is: " Whilst he spoke his elegant, long fingers seemed to be trembling, she remembered her mother calling these piano player hands, almost like he was nervous." The description as piano player hands is dropped into the sentence unnecessarily, confusing the ending so that the reader has to wonder who was nervous. Far better would have been to use the piano player hands at the beginning of the sentece and without reference to Mia's mother.

In the short story format, flow is particularly important so description needs to be limited and largely left to the reader. For instance, it is not necessary for us to know the colour of the laptop or the battered state of the bag. Too many descriptions distract from the story itself.

Essentially, the story is sound but could do with some slimming down. Be less concerned that the reader be given the full picture in your head and allow them to contribute their own imaginations to the tale. They like it better that way!

Which reminds me - lose the exclamation marks. They're okay in reported speech, if used sparingly, but they add nothing to your own narrative.

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441
441
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
One of the things I love about your writing is the mix of scientific knowledge with aesthetic appreciation. So you can mention, entirely appropriately, "neural pathways" in the middle of tickling our senses with "burgeoning spring bouquet." It's enough to make my "low-volt spine tingle!"

It's a wonderful poem, of course, and I must repeat all the nice things about it that my other reviews have mentioned of other poems.

Now where did I leave that five-star stamp...?

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442
442
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I was nearly deterred at the first mention of "the virus" but continued because you know so well how to construct a poem. The description of fear is brilliant, although my own feeling is that its a pity to waste it on something as overblown as covid19. But that's my opinion and I must not let it distract me.

Of course, it's a wonderful poem, beautifully expressed as I'm coming to expect from you. But I found a quibble! At first I thought it might be a typo but then you repeated it - twice. So I have to ask - these lines sound wrong in my ear:

"Eyes only—it like a strange Halloween"
"It an ordeal up and down aisles quick"
"And that reminded me, though it a bitch"

Looks like a typo to me, that "it" all on its own. Or maybe it's a quirk of local dialect. But it stops me in mid-flow every time. I so want to give it an apostrophe and an ess.

But it's not sufficient to subtract from the inevitable five stars.

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443
443
Review of Kindred Thoughts  
Review by Beholden
Rated: E | (5.0)
Having given up on the Read & Review feature as too time-wasting when looking for pieces to review, I decided to pick the next author that popped up and I knew to be worth reading. You won the lottery and I ventured accordingly to your profile. This poem, Kindred Thoughts, was first and, having read it before and been impressed, I chose it to start with.

The language is wonderful, positively Dylan Thomas-esque in its deliciousness and there are hints of Frost as well. This is what made me take notice the first time and now grips me again. But I must be disciplined and get down to understanding the meaning too. And that ain't the work of a moment. You throw metaphor at me without concern for the fact that I wasn't there at the time and am struggling to keep up. "Florsheims", my American wife explains, are shoes and that allows light in at that point. Is it merely my ignorance or my Britishness that prevented understanding?

As regards comprehension of the whole, I'd say that I get the feeling, yes, but the details are sometimes lost on me. I can love a line like "Bent grass weeps beneath the weight of winter’s stride," but cannot say that I have ever had "...thoughts dry cups and dishes edged in aqua." That is probably a failing in me rather than the poem, since the words are so beautiful, the pictures so emotive if a little blurred in places. In the end, I have to assume that it's very personal and not surprising that I am left struggling at times. I confess to having done the same thing on occasion.

And so to a rating. I knew before I started that this was a five star matter - the words alone are easily sufficient to warrant that and more than make up for any failing in comprehension on my part. Wonderful stuff.

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444
444
Review of Dad’s cure  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I came across this story while flipping through the Read & Review section. This one really grabbed me, partly because it's so well written (somewhat of a rarity in the R&R section therefore) but also because it reminded me so much of my own father.

He was a little different, however, in that he was a pharmacist. In contrast to John, he handed out pills and tablets, tonics and unguents as miracle cures for any member of the family's ailments. I became so accustomed to paracetomol for the slightest headache that, on reaching adulthood, I refused to have any more and discovered that aspirin did just as good a job.

Of course, the humour in your story comes from the final comeuppance of John's accident. With my father, who would boast often of never having had a cold or the flu, his comeuppance came in the form of a flu that we'd all had and he finally contracted. It hit him really hard, so much so that he moped around the house looking really ill and he refused to go with us on some long-planned expedition that was on the agenda. We went without him.

On return, we found him sitting in a chair, morose, silent and with bloodshot eyes staring at the carpet. It was obvious that he was in a bad way and, after much persuasion, we extracted the story from him. While we were away, he'd poured so many tablets and miracle cures down his throat that he'd overdosed. He was actually tripping on his casually taken cures! At the time I was going through my hippy phase so I knew exactly how he felt (except he was so obviously not enjoying it). We let him recover in his own time and never heard him brag about how healthy he was ever again.

And that's what you reminded me of. I found it amusing that, coming from opposite ends of the spectrum on medicines, both John and my father could have learned their lesson in so similar a way. You tell a great story!

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445
445
Review of The Siren's Plea  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
My favourite line is that "Intrusive and annoying to calloused curiosity." It made me read the whole poem again. And then I read it all again. Which is what a good poem should do to the reader, of course.

And this is very good. It's what I call head poetry in that it appeals first to the brain rather than the senses. The subject is the human condition and how we become inured to the sounds of tragedy around us, so commonplace have they become. You state it elegantly and reach deep within our psyches to reveal ourselves in this.

The more I think about it, the better the poem is. Obviously, a five star rating is appropriate.

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446
446
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Nearly didn't read this. I'm old and the great mass of small font in one enormous block seemed very daunting. Made the mistake of starting and couldn't stop. So right at the beginning I suggest that at least you insert an extra Return at each pragagraph break. It'll separate them into more digestible chunks. Enlarging the font a bit would help too, although it's not essential unless you want to catch those with poor eyesight.

But your writing is excellent. The content is so compelling that you held me right to the end in spite of the difficulties. And you can spell and know enough grammar to avoid irritating the reader. Those are the essentials and you have them all. Now I want to see you write more and fiction as well as (I presume) experience. Branch out and show me how versatile you are. Make 'em all sit up and take notice.

I'm serious. You're talented and you really ought to use it. I'll clap, even if no one else does.

Beholden

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447
447
Review of Dusk  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Now this is good, much better than a first glimpse suggests. The meaning hovers at the boundary of our understanding, tantalising and intriguing, and we are forced to read again to grasp at the words and begin to tie them down. It needs to be read line by line, carefully, making sure nothing escapes.

That first line, for instance, "the dusk grey sky" turns the description in upon itself, nothing being more dusklike than a grey sky and vice versa. Clever as well as evocative. Then the second line throws "a dusty yellow night" at us. A yellow night? Yet I hear the hand clasp between dusky and dusty and dust can be yellow, it's true. Strangely, almost wrongly, effective.

It's in the third stanza that meaning begins to coalesce. "Nature's animation" is the catalyst, introducing the idea of flashing frames of light joining to create a picture. What else but lightning. Suddenly the yellow night becomes clear. "A jiggardly fro with its rick rack veins spreading" forces a reaction from us in spite of the invented words. When there is no word, the poet must invent. It grows like roots from that flash of lightning, spreading gnarled branches into the sky.

And so to the "paper cut, black silhouettes of trees," continuing the image of spreading fingers in the sky, moving jerkily in the "chaotic harmony and unrest" of the flash of light. I cannot think of a better way to evoke the images created in the black/white world of lightning, especially when seen through "a glass square eye."

That's how I see it, anyway. Wonderful, masterful piece. Well done.

Beholden

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448
448
Review of Cecil  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Oh, I like this! Clever little twist in the tail and everything tied up very neatly in only 24 syllables. Rhyming too! Is there nothing you can't do? The stuff of great writing is a simplicity that looks easy but hides the careful construction behind its appearance. Yes, it's a beautiful poem for a child but has the depth needed by adults as well.

Excellent work.


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449
449
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | (4.5)
What an encouraging message! This well written and thoughtful piece is a great help to those who have recently lost loved ones, I'm sure. Thank you for posting it.
450
450
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Didn't quite finish it, I'm afraid. The leaps of setting, at first intriguing, became annoying as one story after another was abandoned. Maybe I don't have the stamina to stay with it but I suspect that many other would feel the same.

It's a pity because the imagination that created this piece is quite impressive. You have succeeded in creating a powerful atmosphere of looming threat in a world that, while undescribed, seems to occupy a position somewhere between the Dark Ages and the Modern.

Your sentences are very long and would be improved if you were to cut them down somewhat. I know the temptation to pile as much information as you have into a sentence but it is better resisted. All can be told rather better at a slightly lesser pace and with more consideration of the reader. Read it aloud and see how often you run out of breath.

I have not mentioned the minor grammatical errors in the piece. A quick edit should fix these.

Very interesting and atmospheric piece but it needs work.


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