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Review Requests: ON
1,131 Public Reviews Given
1,132 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I have a review template that is only used for in depth reviews, usually those that are specifically requested. These will be as comprehensive as I can manage, including everything I have noticed in reading the piece. Most of my reviews, however, are more in the nature of reactions to the piece with brief notes on things I find particularly good and suggestions on dealing with any obvious flaws in the writing.
I'm good at...
Reviews of stuff I particularly like. If I think the writing is good and the ideas original and inventive, I will say so and become enthusiastic about it. I will point out flaws, particularly where I feel that they interfere with a positive reaction to the piece, but I will also offer suggestions for fixing such problems.
Favorite Genres
I have a broad spectrum of genres I'll review. It's easier for me to list the genres I won't touch.
Least Favorite Genres
Romance, erotica, overly dark subjects without a good reason for existence.
Favorite Item Types
I'm unsure what is meant by this - I would have thought the genres sections covered this.
Least Favorite Item Types
See previous section.
I will not review...
Again, see the genres section that lists the genres I won't review.
Public Reviews
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Review of The Missing Arm  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
At which point, the mind boggles. There's a lot of uses an invisible arm can be put to.

This is wonderful work of the imagination and invention. So much so that I wish I'd thought of it first. And your chosen vehicle is delightfully straightforward and simple, getting the point across quickly and without fuss. Leaving it up to the reader to take the idea from there to a myriad of possibilities is true genius.

I can discern no weakness in the writing, just a sure and easy confidence in the handling of words and grammar. The piece is a gem.

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Review of Freeze Frame  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I've heard before that the warmer the liquid, the faster it freezes. Although I can imagine reasons for this, I still find it difficult to believe!

This story is, at least, another argument for the truth of the saying. And, if it isn't true, it ought to be! A pleasant, tight little story that keeps its twist for the last few lines, ably written and without fault, as far as I can see.

My one doubt is T's name. Does he not deserve a full name? I can't help but feel that you used the initial letter as a place holder until you could think of the perfect name and then forgot to fill it in when the story was complete. But, whatever the reason, I was distracted by the single letter. It may be an idea to give the poor feller a real name.

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Review of red soil in june  
Review by Beholden
Rated: E | (5.0)
Mimicking a respected poet is one of the best ways to learn, just as art students frequently copy the work of the masters to extend their skills. I am impressed with how well you have imitated the style of Mr Cummings. He's not easy to do (I know - I've tried) and you have succeeded in capturing the style whilst retaining your own vision.

Your subject is interesting. Not many would find much to say in a family waiting in the back yard for the return of the father. Yet you have maintained interest effectively with your observation of tiny but vivid details.

I know it's not important but I love that broken parenthesis, with the closing bracket on a separate line. That is so Cummings!

Brilliant work.

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329
329
Review of Lucid dreams.  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
To be honest, I wondered what the aim was in writing this. It's not a story since it has no apparent ending and it fails as a vignette because it explains nothing. I get that you're trying to describe visions and dreams but I think readers will be crying out for some sort of understanding to develop through the piece.

Things are not helped by the continual change of tense between the past and the present. I presume that you're trying to imitate the uncertain time patterns of dreams but, to me, this merely serves to irritate. Now you've made me think about how dreams deal with time and it seems to me that they are all in the present - that there is no reflection on the past in them. My objection to the tense-swapping is more on the reader's behalf, however; it matters not which view of time passing is true. It's how the reader reacts that matters. Lose the reader and your cause is lost.

It's hard to assess the piece as a result of this confusion. The attempt to nail down the experience of dreaming is admirable but I think you're going to have to insert some reason into the piece if you're going to retain readers. That's my opinion, obviously, and I could be wrong. But I think, also, that you have talent and just need a little more control of it to get the best out of it.

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Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Your brief bio on the title page is just a tad misleading. You make it sound as though you're just a beginner at this game but I found this tale to be competently written and most engaging. Modesty is becoming, it's true, but don't overdo it or you might lose a few readers before they start. Best to let them decide for themselves.

As to the story, I found it true to its description - it is indeed sci-fi and amusing. The writing is quite masterful, effortless and faultless. If I were being picky, I could point at this sentence to carp at:

"He glanced over at the pretty young woman nursing a frothing tankard on the stool next to him."

Nursing a drink of any kind is almost a cliché these days - I know you can think of a better verb. And the word order makes me wonder why the tankard was given a stool to itself.

But that would be overcritical. I point at it merely to emphasise that I haven't been able to find anything else even slightly wrong.

The story is, as I said, engaging. I was hoping for a bit more of a surprise in the ending but the tale is certainly worth the reading for the huge imagination it evidences. Definitely a cut above the vast majority of sci-fi these days.

Well done!

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Review of The Saw Mill  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Found in Read & Review.

I like this poem a great deal. It has the power to take the reader to a place never visited and experience some of the feelings felt by the poet there. This is enhanced by the fact that the mill was known when it was working ("The buzzing saws quit snarling and rattling, spitting out piles of dust and long boards.") and enables the reader to appreciate its gradual disintegration after closing down.

Above all else, the place has become a haven for youthful memories that call the poet back. An echo is established between this description and similar places in the reader's minds. We have all known places that hold a hoard of our memories.

The form is interesting, too. Four lines, only the last two rhyming (until the last stanza when the first two rhyme as well), and the repeating of the word "memory" in the last line. This is subtly done, being quite unobtrusive and apparently without forcing. It's a poem that repays repeated reading. Most enjoyable.

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Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Found in Read & Review.

This is an interesting account of a performance review experienced by a prospective hitman for some form of secret military organisation. As such, it rings quite true, although a little extreme at times. The main point is the difference in training of a military sniper and that of a hitman. As pointed out late in the piece, the hitman has to be a weapon that is pointed and fired according to his intructions without consideration of his own assessment of any given situation.

The story certainly succeeds in its aim of making clear the stark choice available to its protagonist. Which, of course, makes the reader wonder whether there really are organisations that ruthless in existence.

There was one slight irritation in the syle that may be entirely personal to me. The use of "cause" instead of "because" grates, even when it is in reported speech. When two characters in the same brief story apparently have the same habit, it distracts me and I start wondering how likely that is. As I mentioned, this is a personal preference and you may well dismiss it as unimportant.

Otherwise, I can find nothing wrong with the piece and must congratulate you on a fine piece of writing.

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Review of At The Door  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Found in Read & Review.

A short story that begins as a discussion of the hazards of living in the big city. When there's a knock on the door, the story begins to get going, with the discussion becoming ever more urgent and pointed. The final hunt for an intruder leads to the conclusion that the visitor may not have had bad intentions at all.

It's an interesting insight into the matter of answering the door in a high population area. There are some aspects that could be tightened up, however. The protagonaist's name, for instance, should be given much earlier than it is. Calling her "she" is valid enough as long as you stick to it. When you introduced the name Sarah into the story, however, I was at loss to know who you were referring to. It was a while before it became clear that Sarah was the "she" of the first two paragraphs. It's unecessarily distracting to introduce the name at that late stage. Better to get it done in the first sentence or two.

I'm also a little concerned about the hesitancy with which your punchline was introduced. The fact that there is still uncertainty in Sarah's mind at the end leads the writer to think that there may be more to the story thereafter. But, if so, you haven't written it. Probably best to make the decision that the visitor is harmless a good deal clearer.

So there's not much wrong with the story and it's easily mended. And the discussion is involving.

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Review of Stick To It  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I found this poem on a run through Read & Review.

Every time I come across something by you, I have to read it. I thought it would be hard work, reading such a long poem, but, of course, it wasn't. You trapped me in the first few lines and held me spellbound all the way to the end. It was at that point that I noticed the four stars others had averaged out at in their assessments (it's not every sentence that manages a combination like "out at in."). Sometimes other people mystify me.

I mean, I did notice the use of a forbidden word (rice) on the read through but was that really worth the loss of a star? I think not. And surely we're not here to judge on behalf of the contest, are we? I wouldn't care if you'd used all of the red words. The contest is long gone but the poem remains and we should consider it without recourse to obsolete parameters.

You know already of my current interest in long lines in poetry so it should be no surprise that am so impressed with the power of this poem. I guess I must truly be a fan of yours because I've never found anything you write to be less than exceptional. Generally I read and depart without saying anything, not wanting to bother you with so many plaudits that I begin to annoy. This one, however, insists that I at least let you know how good I think it is. It is, in my estimation, perfect.

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Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Found on a run through Read & Review.

I like the air of world weariness in this. It is created carefully, with a gradual piling of minor and apparently unimportant events, one upon another. The scene appears gradually, as do the characters, and the tale rolls on to its world weary end.

Perhaps the strangest thing is that the real action, the hinge of the story, is hardly spoken at all. How did a young guy, obviously out of his natural environment, have those old beer drinkers eventually drinking chocolate martinis with him? Is there even such a drink? But it doesn't matter. Somehow it becomes a discussion of the kid's marital problems, with the older men knowing just how it goes and the young one confirming their guesses. A weary cynicism indeed.

It's a delightful story and the most apt demonstration that short stories don't have to have a twist in their tails. Sometimes it's just the writing that matters.

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Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Found this on a run through Read & Review.

This is a fascinating story with a totally unexpected ending. The idyllic beginning gradually dissolves as minor but strange events begin to multiply. When the end comes, it is like a shock from nowhere, a terrible counterpoint to the opening paragraphs. The story is almost unclassifiable, a mixture of sci-fi, fantasy, family, relationship and horror. It is truly ground-breaking.

The writing is superb, completely without flaw and smooth as silk. One is unable to resist going along with it, being drawn into the story with ease and becoming increasingly desperate to know how it ends. I don't think I've read a better handled story in WdC.

The thing is, I can't end by saying that it's entirely enjoyable. The ending is so effective that I cannot escape the feelings it left with me. I admire the writing and creativity but, ultimately, the end was a little strong for me. And that is my weakness, not the story's. It remains faultless.

Wonderful stuff.

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Review of Uncle Milo  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Stumbled on this one on a run through Read & Review.

This is a very entertaining story of an excuse invented to explain a trampled clover patch. It's a simple enough tale but the telling is so well written that it emerges as that most difficult thing to achieve - a truly funny comedic story. This is thanks to an eye for detail, an ability to describe events in a matter-of-fact but conversational tone and the preserving of the real twist for the final sentence.

I note that it was written for a contest and must have been subject to a word count limit as a result. But, if there is a weakness in the story, it is that the telling of Uncle Milo's history takes up a little too much of the tale. It gets quite complicated at times and, considering that, ultimately, it's all rather irrelevant, it could be shortened a bit. Or am I reflecting my feelings at having read through it all, just to get to the punchline? It's a minor poiint, anyway. The story is great just as it stands.

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Review of The Cleansing  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Found on yet another run through Read & Review.

This is a finely wrought tale of horror and suspense in the old London of the Ripper. It draws too on the story of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde in that the main character is possessed by the spirit of the Ripper, creating one who commits awful murders, another who stands by, horrified, but powerless to stop the crimes.

Until he finds a way, of course. This is very clever, to devise a means for the good doctor to escape the machinations of the murderer. The whole story is well written, without fault that I can discern. There was some confusion when the Ripper first makes an entrance but this adds to the suspense - the reader is still trying to sort out who is what when the murder makes it clear that they are one and the same.

An impressive bit of story-telling.

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Review of Masculin/Feminin  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (2.0)
Found on my travels through Read & Review.

Ah, a kaleidoscope of words, a veritable waterfall of verbiage plunging over the cliff of my experience to douse me in their colours and tastes and smells. On the one hand, it's a delightful shower of sensations, meaningless in the profusion of meanings, a demonstration of the fact that the more is piled on, the deeper is any logic buried. On the other, it's not something that will stand as a communication of reason, feeling or just emptiness. Mixing metaphors in such a manner may be fun and it may own a sound that tickles the ear but, in the end, they just hide what you're trying to say.

There are some good metaphors here, word combinations that stand out as beautiful and meaningful. Unfortunately, their vague and inappropriate neighbours shout so loudly that value is lost and it becomes an amorphous soup. You have the beginnings of a story here - boy enters restaurant, sees girl, they get to talking and leave together. The rest adds nothing except confusion.

This is my advice, which you can take or not (obviously): rein in your talent for creating word streams, acquire the discipline to pick out the relevant from the pretty but meaningless and focus clearly on what you are trying to say. Anything that doesn't help towards that goal has to go. But never lose the ability to produce such wonderful streams of colour and sound. Just learn to control it and to apply it with more economy and accuracy.

You could be great.

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Review of The Seating Chart  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Reviewed as part of the GHOSTLY HALLOWS Fall Power RAID.

This is an interesting tale, quite educational in some ways and dealing with the subject of ghosts without ever mentioning the word (yeah, I read your description). You have succeeded in giving us a history lesson without boring us and, at the same time, told an entertaining story of how the seating plan might actually be known after all.

One of the interesting aspects of the story is that it requires no suspension of belief in the reader. We actually want it to be true so that history an be fleshed out a little more. And we can smile ruefully with the author in his final admission that no one believed Rudy. So the story ends as one that succeeds without hugely dramatic scenes or unlikely endings. It is like the British TV series, Detectorists, in that we are left with the impression that we have been part of something that is very real.

A highly enjoyable read.

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Review of Scarecrows  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Reviewed as part of the GHOSTLY HALLOWS Fall Power RAID.

Well, you succeeded in making me read it more than once. Thought I had it all worked out and approached the ending, expecting my solution to be presented. But I got closer and closer and nothing was happening (very well done, by the way, to keep the reader hooked right until the last sentence). And then it wasn't what I thought.

So I had to read it all again. Slowly and carefully. And still I wasn't sure. Read the last two paragraphs again to confirm my growing suspicion. And I think I have it now. I take it that a scarecrow is held upright by a nail pinning him to a post. Local knowledge does help sometimes.

It's clever and I like this story very much. The writing is smooth, the pace excellent and the final twist excellently retained until the very last moment. I can't really fault it at all (apart from that final nagging doubt about the nail in the back). Bravo!

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Review of Until It Sleeps  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Reviewed as part of the GHOSTLY HALLOWS Fall Power RAID.

An effective short horror story, this stands out for its descriptions. These form much of the narrative and create the atmosphere and background of the fairly simple story that forms the framework of the piece. It's a cleverly constructed tale in which the battle between good and evil continues in spite of the deal that has been made. That's an age old foundation for a story and it still works.

I admit that there was slight disappointment in there being no resolution in the end. Both sides are determined to win and certain that they will succeed. Which kinda leaves us back where we started. But the story is worth it for the powerful writing and descriptions. And I'm not sure that providing a winner will work anyway. I can see why you left it undecided.

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Review of Autumn  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Reviewed as part of the GHOSTLY HALLOWS Fall Power RAID.

A poem about autumn! Get ready for the colours of the leaves, I thought. But, Geronimo, you hardly mentioned them. Seven lines about autumn with just one reference - rubies - to leaves. Now that is a great start.

We have smells, we have sounds, of the heels on wet streets, and then the rubies. This is autumn alright, from a fresh and different viewpoint. Had you identified just one smell (moss or soil?) it might have been better but that's okay - it's your poem.

And then the last two lines. Eyes, burning and hungry, this begins a whole new direction. Are these eyes filled with the sights of autumn or do they see another country altogether? I take the easy route and suppose that we're still talking about autumn. Although it could mean both, of course. And that would be appropriate in a poem that uses words in the way this one does - as poetic visions meaning more than meets the eye.

So to your arms, laden with life. Again, I take it that they are laden with the fruits of the harvest but someone else might see less or more in this. It's what makes a poem worth reading again and again after all. The ladling of meanings one upon another. 'Tis prose that insista we get to the point.

Lovely poem, a joy to read someone who knows that there are still new things to say about autumn. A veritable jewel of a poem.

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Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Reviewed as part of the GHOSTLY HALLOWS Fall Power RAID.

This is a fascinating tale, well told and with great verve. The pace is unhurried and relaxed, as though any sort of word limit were entirely irrelevant. This enables scenes to be painted in detail but without becoming embroiled in over-elaboration. The only way I can describe this is to say that the story has a welcoming feel to the reader.

Your use of abbreviated statements to form sentences I find very interesting. I do this myself but you have a way of including them that strikes me as different. Fifty years ago, these sentences that are not sentences were a definite no-no but your use of them is so appealing, adding detail in ways to make the reader take notice, that I see it as an asset. It's hard to describe - here's an example:

"A complete loss of will, I found myself lost in her eyes, needing to stay, to serve at her beck and call."

It's clear what you mean (abundantly so) but incorrect if strict rules of grammar applied. They make your writing very distinctive.

Other than that, the piece is so well-constructed and created that I have nothing but praise for it. A most enjoyable read.

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Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Found on a run through Read & Review.

This is a fantasy that has promise but is spoiled by too many typos and mistakes. I have listed them after the main body of this review. The problem with fantasy in short stories is always the question of how much time we can devote to setting the scene and background while still alowing sufficient time for the story itself. You have managed this very well, filling in supporting details when necessary but not departing into long info dumps describing the world and its complications. Always you keep the reader pressing on with the action so that he has no chance to become distracted or bored.

The queen is a complex character that is difficult to establish empathy with but in this, again, you have succeeded. In spite of her ruthlessness, we care about the outcome for her by the end of the tale. And that, of course, is tragedy, there being no escape from the corner you have backed her into. It is a more realistic ending than a miraculous sudden release from destiny that might be tempting. Well done for choosing the way that leaves your story believable.

And so to the errors. These are minor but need fixing if readers are not to be turned away.

"Their eyes beheld the figure that just walked in" - "just" looks odd in the context and is unnecessary.

"A raven-haired woman dawning black armor" - "Dawning"? I think you mean "donning" but better would be "sporting."

"The unbearable stench of crimson" - You mean "blood" and you should say so.

"A man wearing a white robe with gold embroidery at the bottom ran next to the Queen" - Sounds as though the queen was running. Best leave out the word "next."

"She doubled over and clasped the hilt her sword" - the hilt "of" her sword.

"Revealed his ball, dark-skinned head" - his "bald" head, I hope.

"A seasoned soldier whose face seen many skirmishes" - "had seen."

"The door flings open and scores of soldiers flood the throne room." - Suddenly you abandon the past tense of the rest of the narrative to put this one sentence in the present. That can be used to heighten drama but, in this case, it just looks out of place.

"The queen stood over her dead knight as his bloody and broken body lie motionless on the floor" - Should be "lay motionless."

And that's it - shouldn't take long to amend.

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Review of Stars  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Came across this piece in a run through Read & Review.

It's a wonderful little story of a girl seeking true enlightenment who finds it in the answer of one who tells her, not what stars are (which others get wrong anyway) but what they mean. For the first time the girl feels that there is another in the universe who understands - she is not alone.

I love the simplicity and innocence of the story. It is rare these days to find something so straightforward and without complication. Yet this cuts deep to the heart of the human condition in its conclusion.

There are moments of magic in the writing too. "It would catch the light and sparkle off the lenses of his spectacles and he’d grin madly" and "the question jumped in her mind like a shout" are examples. There is poetry in this writer as well as wonderful simplicity.

I didn't notice any technical errors but I wasn't particularly looking for them. It's a well written piece that stands out in the general stream of items flowing past in Read & Review. A most enjoyable read.

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Review of Trip to the Beach  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I came across this on a run through Read & Review.

You fooled me a little on this piece. It's described as being a dark tale of death so I expected there to be nefarious goings on at some point. And it turned out to be a love story. Oh sure, there's a suicide at the end but that really puts the seal on it. The man loved his wife.

The thing is, the description is absolutely correct and it would be difficult to find a genre that the story fits better. Ultimately, this is what makes the story more interesting than the average tale. The reader is lifted up rather than drawn down into the contemplation of some awful deed of horror. A welcome relief from the normal run of short stories.

The writing is faultless, as usual, and the tale is a little gem as a result. Most enjoyable.

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Review of Monsters  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Found in Read & Review.

Well, I can't say you didn't warn me - you said it was horror and so it is. I like the approach of speaking from the first person. It gives the narrative an immediacy that it wouldn't have otherwise and allows us to see clearly the internal struggles with the beast. I have some difficulty in imagining what the beast would look like when it escapes from the protagonist (usually this kind of possession takes over the body of its host to perform its horrors) but I don't think this is a serious weakness. It allows the beast to be more invulnerable than would a possessed human body and so we can believe the trail of mayhem it leaves.

A very minor niggle is the matter of bologna being loved by a vegetarian. Do they make vegetarian bologna? I don't think so but I could be wrong.

Otherwise it's a competently written story that fulfills its promises. Well done.

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Review of Simple Medicine  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Found in Read & Review.

And I'm glad I did. This is a charming story of a little old lady and her pills. You build a loving picture of the central character (Emma) and we are drawn into the story of her life umntil we, too, are delighted by her.

It's the quality of the writing that achieves this. There's an occasional typo but one hardly notices, so enthralling is the tale. And there are times when descriptions approach the poetic, so effective are they. Take this sentence for instance: "And all of us, generally, in this small hamlet where elbows easily rub and voices overlap and scandal is limited to the uncontrolled giggles from imbibing too much fruit punch at the VFW hall on Saturday night, all of us understand and humor and even looked forward in an odd sort of way to Emma’s cogent oration on the latest spasm, pang or bold gnawing that would dare tread her aged temple." Apart from being a magnificent construction that gives the lie to all wagging fingers insisting on simplified language, this extract gives example after example of original, effective similes and metaphors. I absolutely love it.

And that goes for the entire piece. You have written a tour de force indeed.

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Review of Life Undersea  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Found on my travels through Read & Review.

An interesting form, taking things beyond the simple and common forms. And on this you build a fascinating glimpse of a submariner's life. It makes clear how the burden of water around the boat must press on the awareness of the crew at all times, but also deals with some of the ordinary, day-to-day rituals of the life. I like that the poem deals with such things, such a fresh departure from the usual run of "poetic" subjects. It's like reading Frost's Mending Wall after reading fifty poems about roses.

Okay, I'm male so maybe it's inevitable that I would like it. But aren't males allowed to express their interests too? More power to your pen, say I.

Thank you for a very enjoyable experience.

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