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Review Requests: ON
1,146 Public Reviews Given
1,147 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I have a review template that is only used for in depth reviews, usually those that are specifically requested. These will be as comprehensive as I can manage, including everything I have noticed in reading the piece. Most of my reviews, however, are more in the nature of reactions to the piece with brief notes on things I find particularly good and suggestions on dealing with any obvious flaws in the writing.
I'm good at...
Reviews of stuff I particularly like. If I think the writing is good and the ideas original and inventive, I will say so and become enthusiastic about it. I will point out flaws, particularly where I feel that they interfere with a positive reaction to the piece, but I will also offer suggestions for fixing such problems.
Favorite Genres
I have a broad spectrum of genres I'll review. It's easier for me to list the genres I won't touch.
Least Favorite Genres
Romance, erotica, overly dark subjects without a good reason for existence.
Favorite Item Types
I'm unsure what is meant by this - I would have thought the genres sections covered this.
Least Favorite Item Types
See previous section.
I will not review...
Again, see the genres section that lists the genres I won't review.
Public Reviews
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501
501
Review of Alea iacta est  
Review by Beholden
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Always the trouble with revolutions - the dictator must die to save the... next dictator.

Well written restatement of the events and a reminder of how corrupt were the forces arraigned against Caesar. The lessons for our own times are clear.

I'm supposed to suggest ways to improve the piece. No chance of that, I'm afraid - it seems fine to me.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
502
502
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with Newbies + Poetry Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
** Image ID #2123091 Unavailable **

Excellent story - held me from beginning to end. I like your simple, unadorned style that tells the reader what he needs to know and lets him fill in the rest. It's ideally suited to a story like this where the truth unfolds slowly and then is suddenly clear before us. Cleverly done and the last line is perfect. I love it.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
503
503
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with Newbies + Poetry Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
** Image ID #2123091 Unavailable **

I really like this poem. It is so expressive of the regular beats that rule a clock's life, now interrupted by mechanical break down and the longing for repair. The imagery is excellent, my favourite line being "Gears scattered across the parquet floor". Looking at it again, I realise it is the pivotal line of the poem - the moment we understand just how broken is the mechanism.

And the clock's horror as "time flies with no pace
Speeding up, slowing down". What torture for a machine designed to keep the perfect beat of time. I hope the horologist arrives promptly!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
504
504
Review of Easy and Hard  
Review by Beholden
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Nice little poem - I like it. It's clever, sticks to the format without sounding forced and it delivers the message clearly but with a grin. What more could anyone want from five lines?
505
505
Review of in the NICU  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with Newbies + Poetry Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
** Image ID #2123091 Unavailable **

Wonderful, powerful poem, terrible in the closeness it brings us to pain. I've imagined myself in the same position (and I, a mere male) and I can't stand to look at it. Your poem is so very good because you've done exactly that - looked at it and felt the pain. I am in awe.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
506
506
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with Newbies + Poetry Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
These are excellent - I love them all. You make me think, laugh and smile in recognition. I can tell you about the dog one, however. If the car stops, the dog will attempt to bite the tyres. Somehow dogs know the only bitable part of a car.

It's a good idea to store such snippets of wisdom as and when they occur. I make the mistake of storing mine in my forgetory.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
507
507
Review of Captain Roflex  
Review by Beholden
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
I could never get along with Russian novels. Part of my problem was the quantity of unpronounceable names. I fear your story may suffer from the same illness, although Captain Rolflex (who changes his name from the title to the text) does help by having a less complex handle.

I get it - it's flash fiction, written to include a prompt sentence and the names don't really matter. But they are distracting, which is a pity because it's a rollicking, amusing tale. I especially like this bit: "Tell my wife, I love her…” said Rolflex. “And tell Motheiddkghtin’s wife I love her too!” That's where I see your revolt against the dread sentence prompt and I join your revolution immediately.

Nothing wrong with having a bit of fun.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
508
508
Review by Beholden
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
I'm 71 and know exactly what you mean. Great poem about the Hope Eternal!
509
509
Review by Beholden
Rated: E | (5.0)
Another wonderful tale, a fable indeed. I can't fault it but I can point at certain aspects of your writing that speak of true ability. There are times when you speak a phrase that is poetic in its intensity. An example is "an orange glow peer(s) from the seams of her door". You also have a gift for description, painting little touches in just the right places and amounts. That's a skill that will stand you in good stead.

And then there's your invention. I've read your entire portfolio (more, write more) and everything is so original and evidence of a discerning eye, an ability to see things in new and different ways. You really must write more, you know.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
510
510
Review by Beholden
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I'll be honest - I don't like haiku. Unlike in America, we Brits were never taught about them and, as far as I can see, the form is used by westerners when they couldn't be bothered to write more.

But you write a whole series of them, enabling me to read it all as one poem divided into verses. And that's what I did. It's excellent, really communicating the disaster that was your kayak expedition. I was reminded of my first and last fishing lesson with my father.

Keep writing poetry as well as prose. Poetry is a way of saying feeling that prose has difficulty with. Even I do it sometimes. *Wink*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
511
511
Review by Beholden
Rated: E | (5.0)
Ooh, different paragraphs from the version in the "Taboo" contest! That's my one quibble actually - that presentation can be improved by breaking the piece down into smaller paragraphs. The first block of text, especially, is daunting if you're getting on a bit and your eyesight isn't what it once was. Also, put a space between each paragraph. It makes it that much easier to read.

Otherwise, the piece is wonderful. You build tension and a sense of mystery throughout the piece and the descriptions are elegant, unobtrusive and exact. And so inventive and original! You are one heck of a writer, Marion.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
512
512
Review of High in the Sky  
Review by Beholden
Rated: E | (5.0)
Brilliant response to the prompt! I thought i dealt in short poems until I saw this - now you have outdone me. There's a short story I wrote, Science Fiction allegedly (I ambushed the reader in the ending), that says the same thing you spoke in four lines. I love your version.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
513
513
Review of I Need to Bathe  
Review by Beholden
Rated: E | (4.0)
I looked up soap sustitutes, hoping to be helpful. Apparently the answer is baking soda. Which raises the question: Why is baking soda always the answer to this kind of question?

Yes, I know the poem is supposed to be funny. And it is. So I think it deserves more than its present 2.5 stars. It's not great literature but it's not trying to be. For being honest about what it is, I give it four stars to offset the others. At least a little.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
514
514
Review of A Great Beginning  
Review by Beholden
Rated: E | (5.0)
Interesting that WDC seems capable of sheltering viewpoints diametrically opposed without arguments breaking out. At least, I've seen none.

I say that because, only yesterday, I was reading something in which it was maintained that love is merely something used to attract male to female (and vice versa) for the purpose and period of procreation. Probably one view is that of the scientist, based only on observable facts, while yours (and mine for that matter) has a rather more spiritual foundation.

All of which is far from the review I'm supposed to be writing but it's the best I can do when confronted with a form of poetry I know nothing about. It amounts, essentially, to saying that I like your poem for what it says and how it sounds. And that, in the end, is all any of us can say, isn't it?


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
515
515
Review of Stalk Home  
Review by Beholden
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
** Image ID #2123091 Unavailable **

Hi Abaru, welcome to WDC.

Bubblegum Jones has asked me to do a review of your story, Stalk Home. So here I am. *Smile*

First Impression: Presentation is not good. Your paragraphs are much too long - they present the reader with big blocks of text that look difficult to find a way through. Separating them into smaller paragraphs will fix this immediately

Title / Description: The title is a little odd but becomes clearer as the reader progresses into the story. Description is fine.

Flow: There are problems here. You have a tendency to provide too much information too quickly (which is one reason for the overlong paragraphs). In a short story, background information should be kept as brief as possible and only essential points included. Allow the reader to deduce information from the way characters behave rather than going into long explanations of their behaviour. This is not easy to do but it is the hallmark of the good writer. I know that all the details are important to you (you created these characters after all) but it is necessary to consider the piece from the readers' position. Will they continue reading if we present them with long descriptions of motives and reasons?

Grammar: Basically sound although I did notice the occasional unusual use of words that did not add to the flavour of the piece. These are minor matters however and can be attended to in a final polish.

Mechanics: There are serious point of view (POV) problems. We have hardly begun the piece and are getting used to seeing things from Braxton's viewpoint when we are thrown into Belinda's head to see things from her perspective. Later on, we get too look through Azaria's eyes as well. A short story is the wrong setting for such sudden changes in POV; they might work in a novel if you know your trade really well but, in general, the rule is to choose your viewpoint character and stick with that POV throughout.

Dialogue: Almost non-existent in this piece. This is a pity because dialogue can move a story along and provide some of the information necessary. Put yourself in the position of your characters and speak as you would speak in their situation.

Characters: To be honest, I didn't feel anything for any of them. This is largely because I was so overwhelmed with the amount of information being thrown at me that I had no time to take note of what the characters were doing. Fixing the info problem (and giving the characters something to say) will help solve the character difficulty.

Closing Thoughts: Don't feel discouraged by the things I've had to say. Most of these points are easily and quickly dealt with, which will give you a much tighter and accessible story. Just as an instance, the entire final paragraph could be excised. The information it contains doesn't help the story and it merely serves to deflate what should be a brief, punchy ending. Remember, you have a story to tell and only you can tell it. Go get 'em! *Smile*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
516
516
Review by Beholden
Rated: E | (3.0)
** Image ID #2123091 Unavailable **

Welcome to WDC, Mickey.

I saw your story, The Wolf and the Hedgehog, on the Read & Review feature and was attracted by its description as a modern fable. I was not disappointed. It's an amusing tale, demonstrating that we should beware making judgements purely on previous experience. It'll be a while before the Wolf takes on another porcupine!

The quills in the mouth are particularly painful to me as I used to live in Africa and know how awful such quills are. They are barbed and extremely difficult to remove as a result and every movement tends to drive them in deeper. All African animals give porcupines a very wide berth.

There are a few grammar errors in the piece which I detail below:

"never seen a porcupine. this area.., "this" should have a capital T.
"your just lying", "your" should be "you're".
Several sentences need a period to indicate their ending.

Otherwise, it's a well written and enjoyable tale.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
517
517
Review by Beholden
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I feel a bit robbed. The piece is beautifully written with no grammar errors, excellently rendered conversation, steadily building excitement and tension and (here's the rub) you drop me unceremoniously at the end, without resolution or twist, revelation or answer. Sometimes I hate these prompt-driven things - they're so toxic to imagination and invention.

You've demonstrated skill and talent but the piece itself suffers from being left without an ending. No doubt it meets the requirements of the prompt but is it an encouragement to good writing (the prompt, I mean)? Not your fault, so I'm giving it 5 stars, bearing in mind the constraints of the prompt.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
518
518
Review by Beholden
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
I think the story of the rich young ruler has particular relevance to us in the West. In comparison to the inhabitants of the rest of the world, most Westerners are every bit as rich as the young ruler. Jesus' answer to the man's aspirations struck at the heart of his weakness - was he prepared to give up everything and follow Jesus (just as the disciples had done)? Today, the question asked of us is the same. We can reason and argue and twist and turn to our heart's content but the question remains - when called to follow Him, can we do it? It is easier to give up everything if we have little to begin with.

You have pointed this out very well in your essay. And then you bring in Paul with the gospel of Grace. And that must be our answer to the question, of course. We are capable of nothing without the work of Jesus and our salvation is entirely down to our trust in Him.

A beautiful message with a finely presented explanation. Well done!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
519
519
Review of Sarajevo  
Review by Beholden
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
** Image ID #2123091 Unavailable **

A powerful poem that pushes the reader into understanding deep truths. I do not know whether the "fire-breathing animals" are actual animals or aliens but it doesn't really matter; the point is made.

The language used is emotive and beautiful, especially in such keenly observed details as "frightened as drops which hurry down raincoats". One minor point is that the word "affect" is incorrectly used - it should be "effect" in this context. "Affect" is the verb, "effect" a noun. Oh, and I want to live where trees "smell like the finest chocolate"!

Altogether, the poem is superb. It shows great skill and talent in the writer.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
520
520
Review of The Amazon  
Review by Beholden
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
** Image ID #2123091 Unavailable **

I like your work even though it has too many similarities to my own. I considered reviewing your Teach Them to be Silent but then noticed this one. You make me think (and that's a good thing).

The Amazon made me read it several times (again, a good thing) but it was only when I noticed the title that I began to get a bit more understanding. The Amazon, of course, is both a river and a female warrior; hence the line "The river is not me". I need to read the poem several more times before I get the entire meaning but I think I discern this much: The casting of your money both to the river and the factory is an indication of rejection of the material, the financial world that feeds the factory and keeps it in the business of pollution. That "touching of dirty claws" is the last contact of the drowning body before it sinks down into oblivion. There is "no better place" indeed.

The form is free verse but with occasional rhymes that establish a stream within the river. Flow is good (appropriately) and the only slight problem is the typo in "half-knowing wolrd".

I have spent a lot of time on the meaning as I think that's at the heart of the poem. The intense emotion present in the poem is important too, however. This is most effectively communicated through both word choice and order, never stooping to explanation. Wonderful stuff.
521
521
Review by Beholden
Rated: E | (5.0)
The rhyme scheme works, mainly because it isn't noticeable until you're told it's there. Which surely must be the aim of rhyme, to not distract from the reading. Not that I'm an expert but too often rhyme seems to me to reduce a poem to a ditty. Modern man is saturated in rhyme through advertising, political slogans and nonsense verse. You've shown how this can be negated and I salute your skill in that.

I also agree with the sentiment, "Trying's to be treasured..." I like the poem although I'm not sure how much of a recommendation that is. What do I know of poetry, after all?


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
522
522
Review by Beholden
Rated: E | (4.5)
That's a brave line to start a poem with. What if it had turned out to be the best or, even worse, the worst? Still, I think you're safe on the second count at least - I still write the occasional poem after all.

I like this kind of thing - the internal dialogue that reasons things out. But I'm no great judge of poetry so don't take anything I say too seriously. Certainly, I can't suggest a way to improve it. Seems fine to me just as it is. *Smile*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
523
523
Review by Beholden
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Very clever and funny. One of the strongest arguments for differentiation I've come across. It took me a while to understand the word "xe" but I get it now. Nothing wrong with the writing, although it gets confusing at times - but that's the nature of the story. A most enjoyable read. Thank you.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
524
524
Review of Bizarre  
Review by Beholden
Rated: E | (5.0)
I don't know much about poetry but this is my kind of thing. I like the absence of flowery language, the bald statement of truths learned so painfully, the matter-of-factness of the whole poem. It's beautiful in its simplicity and depth. The line, "recalled that I liked violets" is achingly superb.

I only wonder whether the young will understand at all.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
525
525
Review of Lie to Me  
Review by Beholden
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
I like this, although I'm not sure I agree with the sentiments expressed. Still making up my mind.

It's a clever poem and the idea of using the various trades to illustrate how the truth can be made acceptable is quite brilliant. I love the lines: "Crushed false and mixed with a pinch of deception.
Added to a bowl of pounded disguise and brought to the boil over a burning flame", although I think a comma is needed after "Crushed".

The whole thing is quite masterfully done.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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