💘 Richard 💘's (brennus) Reviews

Review Requests: ON

265 Public Reviews Given

265 Total Reviews Given

I'm good at...

Asking questions that may help you develop and expand your story. Inconsistencies tend to jump out at me and I will point out any I see.

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#4855471

Review of Democracy is a myth

Review by 💘 Richard 💘

In affiliation with Anniversary Reviews Group

Rated: E

| (3.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hi, I found your flash fiction while I was looking for members celebrating Account Anniversaries.

I understand your point, or at least I think I do. You seem to indicate that once in power, the person will do whatever needs to be done to hold that power. I agree with that point. However, there are a few things I'd quibble with.

The first is that your example is not a Democracy. The form of government you've portrayed is: A monarchy with a council, often referred to as a "King-in-Council" or "Royal Council. A small difference, but a vital one. The power here is held by the executive, but the executive can be removed by the council, or in this case, not. And therein is my second quibble, Queen Maren chose not to accept the Council's vote. But the Council doesn't need to accept her choice either; she violated the Council's vote, and they have the right to act to protect the laws of the land.

You may wear a crown, but the people hold true power.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4855358

Review of Fireworks

Review by 💘 Richard 💘

In affiliation with Anniversary Reviews Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Of course, the first thing I had to do was Google Katy Perry singing "Fireworks". It's an inspirational tune, set in a lively way.

This is a classic essay; you make a statement, and then support it with a cohesive argument.

"We each have at least a spark." Very true, sadly, not everyone sees their spark, or they don't have the opportunity to fan that spark into a flame.

You make a strong case for how to do this by challenging us to be our best and strive to be better. While I taught music, I used to push my students to get out from behind the curtain, in other words, stop hiding, and let themselves be heard. Making a mistake is not losing; it's a chance to learn.

Finding your voice is a wonderful thing, and I'm glad you found yours!!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4855346

Review of Left Behind

Review by 💘 Richard 💘

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi, I found your poem by clicking on the Read A Newbie link on WdC's home page. Welcome to Writing.com (WdC)!

Your poem is emotion-packed, driven by the picture of a single rose, left behind on a public bench. The poem explores how the rose may have gotten there, and why it might have been left behind. The setting is lyric-like with a four-line verse, followed by a four-line chorus.

The verse and chorus hold to an AABB rhyme scheme until the final verse, which has a shorter syllable count per line and changes to an AABA rhyme. Musically, it would be treated as a Coda section. You very effectively break the last line of the final chorus, indicating a wistful pause.

I don't see many mechanical problems, but I want to mention places that I stumbled while reading your poem:

This rose was given to someone, we do not know for why

The for in this line seems misplaced. Perhaps replace for with the? That will keep the syllable count and improve flow.

None of the statements end with a period or comma, which may be on purpose, but you aren't putting in the pauses you choose.

Its silence tells of love… or was it just another lie

This is the only line of the verse where you use an ellipse (...), is that on purpose?

The poem left me a bit sad and wistful, which, I'm sure, was its intent. You did a great job. Thanks for sharing!

~Click here to join a fun reviewing group~

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4855204

Review of Lenni inside Upturn

Review by 💘 Richard 💘

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (2.5)

Hi, I found this tale by clicking on Read A Newbie, so welcome to Writing.com (WdC)!

First, to protect readers, WdC has a strict code system that authors select when posting their work on the site. You posted this as E, which permits everyone to access it. However, because of language concerns, you need to change it to at least 18+. The language didn't bother me, I often think the very same word to myself. But others are more sensitive, and there are youngsters on the site. So if you want to share with Everybody, you need to remove the profanity.

Now on to presentation.

There are several viewpoints occurring at the same time:

The very first paragraph has us in the book Lenni is reading.
Then we're taken out of the book, and into the present/reality.
Finally, we're taken into Lennie's head and thoughts.

Those quick change cause a bit of reader confusion, and doubling back for clarification,

A suggestion, generally when a character is sharing inner thoughts the text for them is italicized. That makes it easier for reader to distinguish thoughts from reality/real time dialog.

You could also try indenting the book text, to make that transition stand out as a change of POV.

The last thing is that I think might help — generally, each time the speaker changes when dialog is being written a new paragraph starts:

This:

Rabbit speaks first. "Welcome." he says to me. "You speak... f***ing English? Is this a dream?" I half say-half scream to the strange rabbit. "Well of course he does, lady. Everyone speaks English in upturn. Where are you from?" the teenager says, annoyed with my questions like a teenager. I snarl at the kid. "I am from Maplewood. Minnesota. Don't talk to me like that, kid. And did you say Upturn?"

Looks like this:

Rabbit speaks first. "Welcome." he says to me.

"You speak... f***ing English? Is this a dream?" I half say-half scream to the strange rabbit.

"Well of course he does, lady. Everyone speaks English in upturn. Where are you from?" the teenager says, annoyed with my questions like a teenager.

I snarl at the kid. "I am from Maplewood. Minnesota. Don't talk to me like that, kid. And did you say Upturn?"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4855191

Review of My Haikus!

for entry "A Beautiful House"

Review by 💘 Richard 💘

In affiliation with Anniversary Reviews Group

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

The Haiku format is seemingly simple: three lines of five, seven, and five syllables that portray a moment in time. That simplicity is deceptive; creating a complete thought in a scant 17 syllables is far from an easy task.

At the outset, this Haiku "My Haikus!"

, does that. We are presented with a clear picture, describing a lovely home that anyone might be happy to possess. But the twist at its end is a knife that cuts to the quick.

"is empty for years"

In my mind, I asked multiple questions, and I was left with sadness at the thoughts that line created.

Why is the house empty? Did the homeowner pass, without a clear heir? A couples hard fought divorce? Has something happened, a natural or man-made disaster, that forced abandonment? Seventeen syllables that tell a story rife with sadness, and leavng us searching for answers.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4855094

Review of Empress Calista and the Crabby Crickets

Review by 💘 Richard 💘

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Lillian, I found the draft of your story by clicking on Read A Newbie. Welcome to Writing.com (WdC)!

This is a great start for your children's story. Cali the Calico Cat sounds like she'd be a great recurring protagonist in a series of children's books.

I realize this is a draft and that you are still developing and shaping your tale.

It is a really good start. I do want to suggest that you show the reader something rather than tell them:

Pretend the reader doesn't know what a calico cat looks like. Describe Cali, her colors, her eyes, all the things that make her a Calico.

"Once there was a sassy little cat" - what makes Cali sassy, what sassy things does she do?

"The one day, a very sad lady walked in" - Tell me she's sad without saying she's sad. Are her eyes downcast? How's her gait? Does she shuffle? Does she sigh a lot? Also, you need to add an n to the in that line.

But now the footsteps came closer! One of the humans opened the cage! - This is where you get to explore Cali's reactions. How does the sound of the approaching footsteps make her feel? What's it like to have the cage open after all this time? What's her reaction to this strange human?

Your title has me intrigued. I can't wait to meet the Crabby Crickets, or to join Cali and her new human on their adventures!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4855093

Review of When She Cries

Review by 💘 Richard 💘

In affiliation with Anniversary Reviews Group

Rated: E

| (3.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hi Michael, I found this song lyric while I was looking for members celebrating account anniversaries.

This lyric has an interesting structure; it appears to be V/C V/C c V/C c.

V: Two of the verses are unique; the third and final verse is a repeat of the first. In what I'm calling the verse, the second and fourth lines are repeated in each verse.

C: In the chorus, the first two lines of six are repeated, with a different line for three and six.

c: Seems to be something of a coda, or alternate chorus. It is a direct repeat at each occurrence.

Without hearing the tune you were hearing, it's hard to understand the rhythmic flow. The syllable count does flow well, with similar counts line by line, which would be important when setting this to music.

Punctuation is sparse; a little more would have provided guidance, both when reading and setting to music.

The poetry of the lyric is sad and forlorn, lending it to being set in a minor key, with a light accompaniment.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4854956

Review of What Did You Do? (UPDATED)

Review by 💘 Richard 💘

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hi Connor! Welcome to Writing.com (WdC), thank you for joining us!

I hope the information about posting an item into your port was helpful. Did you notice that an Item number was assigned to it after you posted? It's the number right under your name in the title block — 2354154 if you double-click it will copy {{item:2354154}}, which yields "What Did You Do? (UPDATED)"

, which you can paste into the Newsfeed to help people find your story.

Now, about your story, I only read chapter one, so I'll only be commenting on that content for now. When I have time, I'll circle back to read more.

The first thing I want to talk about is presentation, and how it affects readability. The first thing that I noticed was the large blank space at the top of your page. That space was created by WdC parsing in line space when you pasted your PDF. You can get rid of them by simply positioning your cursor on the left side of the Chapter 1 heading and using the Backspace key until you get rid of the extra spaces. You can repeat that process everywhere else there is extra whitespace. Just in case, you can find the edit mode by clicking the

located on the right side of the tabs line. When you click on the first line of the drop-down menu, it is Edit Item, which allows you to edit existing WdC items. You can also continue your story by scrolling to the bottom and typing right into the space. No More Copy And Paste!!

Another thing that will improve readability is to add a space between paragraphs. It gives the eye of the reader a place to pause and know that a new thought is coming.

I'm not quite sure of the genre here — A giant bucket? Sci-Fi, Fantasy, or something else? Take that aspect out, and it's a general teen angst novel.

This paragraph has a few things I want to point out, things like this happen in other places, but I don't want to hammer on them all:

But he still needed to find a really big paint bucket. He needed to do this quickly. And fast, too. He would only have 7 more chances for this, because right now, the town is rallying for the town hall to be closed down and be replaced by a roller rink. Unfortunately, as of right now, the roller rink team has a slight lead, with 52 percent of the town voting for the town hall to be replaced by a roller rink.

First thing, there's a repetition:

He needed to do this quickly. And fast, too. If this were a dialogue, I'd accept it as idiomatic. The character says something to himself and repeats it for emphasis.

the town is rallying for the town hall to be closed down and be replaced by a roller rink.

This seems a bit odd to me. Rather than close down Town Hall, I would think the Town would be relocating it. Which would be more likely, the Town still needs a place to do Town stuff.

Thanks for sharing your story. I look forward to reading more of it!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4854914

Review of Threads in the Tapestry

for entry "Prologue"

Review by 💘 Richard 💘

In affiliation with Anniversary Reviews Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

A prologue's job is to capture the reader's attention, lure them close, and hook them. It needs to be rich in detail, hint at the coming tale, and still not give so much away that the reader still wants to know more. Your prologue does that well. I am intrigued by Mikhail's situation and would like to learn more.

Science Fiction is by far my favorite genre; my greatest complaint is that much of it is either cliched, predictable, or totally unbelievable. You start out by adding a twist that leads me to believe this won't be a cliche. I'll leave that twist for the reader to discover for themselves. I need to read further to discover if you've beaten the Sci-fi curse, but your prologue certainly leads the way to doing that.

I saw no grammatical or spelling errors that detracted from my reading; the prose flowed well. Thank You!!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4854517

Review of A Reflection of You

Review by 💘 Richard 💘

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (3.0)

Hi Melody, I found your short poem in the "Review a Newbie" section on the WdC home page. Welcome to Writing.com!!

The poem is an interesting take on introspection, using a mirror as a metaphor for self-reflection. You did a great job enumerating and identifying the good qualities we should cultivate in ourselves.

I did see a few mechanical things to point out:

In the first line, ref_ection needs an L.
Second Line - yourself. you, If you put a period here the Y of you should be capitalized.
you feel good you stand, - I'm not getting the meaning or flow of this line, also it ends in a comma.
And when you smile your reflection also show(s).
Fifth line - you needs a capital.

Thank You for sharing, I look forward to reading more of your work!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4854479

Review of Mockingbird Melancholy

Review by 💘 Richard 💘

In affiliation with Anniversary Reviews Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

I found this poem when I visited your portfolio to celebrate you Anniversary on WdC!

It's a free verse poem, with 6 stanzas of four lines each, with rhymes on the second and fourth line of each.

Losing a friend is tough enough; losing them to a senseless accident is even tougher. The poem's tone shows that you felt this loss deeply. You do end this verse on a note of hope:

So, know you're loved
we'll miss you more
and pray we meet
on some beautiful shore.

I didn't see any errors that detracted from my reading. The poem flowed well and was easy to read (mechanically).

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4854335

Review of The Theatre of Life

Review by 💘 Richard 💘

In affiliation with Anniversary Reviews Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

There was no need to apologize to the Bard; he most likely would have approved of your take on his words.

You track the progress of our lives, from fresh youth to ripe old age.

My favorite passage:

"When older still, approaching the fall,
we see they think little of us at all."

The point we've finally gained the wisdom to know it doesn't matter what others think, that we need to appreciate our own best qualities.

There were no errors that detracted from this poem; it flowed well and presented an easy read. Thank You!!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4854188

Review of June 15--Dog

Review by 💘 Richard 💘

In affiliation with Anniversary Reviews Group

Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

This flash fiction is a touching story, written from a dog's point of view. You did an excellent job of sharing how a dog might view their surroundings. You made special mention of the senses a dog would employ. The story engendered empathy for the dogs plight, and the plight of puppy mill dogs.

I didn't see any real errors, just a missing e here: "She ven lets me sleep with her!

The last dog I had, Sweetie, was a pound puppy. I found her at the local town animal shelter. We don't share the house with a puppy now. We want to travel, and feel it wouldn't be fair to the dog, so many places bar animals, and constantly putting our pup in a pet hotel seems cruel. I do miss having a dog. Occasionally, we get to have our four-legged, furry grandniece when her family travels or visits. Her name is Daisy, she's a big furry ball of mush, smart as a whip, and lovable as all get out.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4853695

Review of Summertime

Review by 💘 Richard 💘

In affiliation with Anniversary Reviews Group

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

This is also one of my favorite Gershwin compositions. I'm not sure what I admire more, the skill with which Gershwin wrote it, or the poetry of DuBose Heyward. It would be hard to pick just one, but this would be well in the top ten. Thank you for including the Ella and Satchmo recording. That was a special treat.

It's bittersweet that this song is associated with sadness, but it still brings back happy memories of your daughter. Thank you for sharing these memories with us.

I didn't see any errors. The piece was well written, and its somber tone fits both the subject and tune well.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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14 days may be credited.

#4853377

Review of ruwth is writing...

for entry "~ Three Things That Worked ~"

Review by 💘 Richard 💘

In affiliation with Anniversary Reviews Group

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

This is very good advice, and something we should all strive for: smiling, not letting the thoughts in our mind overtake us, and controlling our actions, not letting ourselves be forced into acting on impulse, are important things that will foster greater self-happiness. More of us need to practice these three simple steps.

Your essay is well written; I did not see any spelling or grammatical errors. It's well organized and follows the essay form well.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

16

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14 days may be credited.

#4853208

Review of Washington, ahead of his time.

Review by 💘 Richard 💘

In affiliation with Anniversary Reviews Group

Rated: 13+

| (3.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

I see today is your Account Anniversary, so I took some time to glance through your Portfolio, and found this short story. I'm a history buff, and like reading about George Washington, so this seemed like a great piece to read.

I had a little bit of difficulty, you have this posted as a link, when I clicked on the link, only a partial view of the text was visible. I found a work around by selecting the text (crtl-A), and pasting it into a Word Doc. I'm not sure why this is posted as a link, rather than as a straight text. Unfortunately, because of this, you might be limiting your readership.

This was an interesting read, a historical fiction, which is a sub-genre I enjoy. You placed a fictional character in a historical setting, and shared a great piece of history.

The writhing is a bit difficult to follow, the paragraphs seem to jump through time a bit. You start us off in one place, travel somewhere else, before returning to add detail to the first place. For example the first two paragraphs seem to be in the stories present, then the third paragraph jumps into Washington's past. Then we return to the present in the fifth paragraph, before jumping into the past again. I had to reread sections to find my place in the story.

I didn't see any major grammatical errors that detracted from my reading.

There is a doubled word:

Mixed with Poitou, Catalonian, Majorcan and a couple of other other fine donkeys,

And this mistype:

Washington's plantation still breeds mares and proutstanding animals.

Nonetheless, I enjoyed the tale of Washington's Mules!!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

17

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14 days may be credited.

#4853109

Review of QUIRKS WORDSEARCH

Review by 💘 Richard 💘

In affiliation with Anniversary Reviews Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hi, I found your word search puzzle when I visited you port to celebrate your WdC Anniversary!

This was an interesting choice of words, I see that your title was quirkiness, so maybe rather than call them interesting, we can call them quirky choices. I'm still not sure how the words are related, but I did like the fact that you varied the sizes of the words, it made the puzzle interesting to solve.

I didn't see any spelling errors. One thing to note: you can leave spaces between words WdC magic takes them out automatically.

18

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#4852925

Review of Wanya's Day

Review by 💘 Richard 💘

In affiliation with Anniversary Reviews Group

Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Oh my, a Forest Elf with attitude and the tools to back it up! This is a great little flash fiction that I wish were longer. It has great descriptions, sets a wonderful scene, and develops the main character quickly.

You use phrases that show me:

Wanya squinted and shaded her eyes with her right hand. - It's daytime, and very sunny.
Underneath the brim of her hat, beads of perspiration were trickling down Wanya's brow. - It's hot.
nose tilted up to hopefully sniff for fresh air, - Like most cities, the air is at least slightly polluted.
... she looked the creature dead in the eye ... - She's fearless.
Even the orcoid was staring at it with wide eyes, seemingly forgetting to appear intimidating at all. - Whatever it is, it must be a thing of power.

All of these phrases told me important things without being a pure information dump.

I didn't see any mechanical errors that detracted from the telling of your tale. The only real negative is that it's too short and not finished! I would love to read more of 'Wanya's Journey'.

Thank you for sharing this with us, and Happy Account Anniversary!!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

19

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14 days may be credited.

#4852815

Review of Love Remains as Long as we Believe

Review by 💘 Richard 💘

In affiliation with Anniversary Reviews Group

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

A story with a very unexpected twist. I won't talk about it so that I don't provide any spoilers. Let me just say it was completely unexpected.

The story was well-paced, and I didn't see any grammatical or spelling errors that detracted from my reading.

I really enjoyed your descriptive language and the choices you made to suggest colors. Such as: "eyes reminiscent of warm golden brandy,", presents a wonderful image.

Thank you for sharing this story.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

20

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14 days may be credited.

#4852707

Review of A Stroll Around the Block

Review by 💘 Richard 💘

In affiliation with Anniversary Reviews Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

I found this poem while visiting your portfolio to celebrate your WdC account Anniversary.

This poem captures the first breaths of spring quite well, and I enjoy it as much as you seem to.

An interesting thing I noticed is that you've chosen to write it as one very long sentence, with the sole punctuation being the period at the end of the last line. In my mind, I read that way, without any breaks or breaths.

My favorite line was" bright roses peep from prickly bushes, which in many ways sums up Spring, Earth's rebirth amid stormy days.

Thank You!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

21

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14 days may be credited.

#4852561

Review of Master of my own universe

Review by 💘 Richard 💘

In affiliation with Anniversary Reviews Group

Rated: ASR

| (4.0)

Okay, I do crossword puzzles in the bathroom, quick, easy ones, not the NY Times. Just something to stimulate my mind a bit, and kill some of the time. It's never dawned on me to take a laptop in there and to try writing. I think if I did write in the bathroom, I'd go more the notebook route.

I found your story while looking through members celebrating WdC Anniversaries today. So, Happy Anniversary!!

Your flash fiction is presented as an internal monologue by an aspiring author. A useful tool is to separate internal thoughts from actual spoken lines by setting the thoughts in italics and spoken lines in normal font. Another suggestion is to help readability by inserting a space between paragraphs.

I didn't come across any grammatical or spelling errors that detracted from reading your tale. In a few places, you used a dash to separate clauses; the only note is that the way you used them is inconsistent. Sometimes there were spaces on both sides of the dash, in others, only on one side.

This is an interesting writing choice and experiment, one that I think has room to continue and develop. Hopefully, you revisit this piece and flesh it out. I'd look forward to that!

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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14 days may be credited.

#4852467

Review of Woven in the Dark

Review by 💘 Richard 💘

In affiliation with Anniversary Reviews Group

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

This is a wonderful start. I wish you'd come back and add some more to the tale. When I started reading it, it almost felt like a parable about current events.

This line, "Every day, more lives are swallowed by a madness none of us can truly grasp, all at the whim of a man who fears death more than anything." , could be true in real life today.

The only thing that gave me pause was the struggle to keep all the names straight. I realize this is intended to be a prologue, but you've introduced many different characters without defining who they all are.

You could try something like this, assuming Cass is Mirabelle's husband/lover:

Cass dismisses my fears, as always. He (My husband) tells me I’m overreacting,

Perhaps you could use little tricks like that to define the other characters?

I don't see any errors that detract from your prologue, and it does the job of making me want more. You are building an interesting world. I hope you come back and finish it, and share it with us!

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

23

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#4852169

Review of Rose Lips

Review by 💘 Richard 💘

In affiliation with Anniversary Reviews Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi! I enjoy time spent in my garden, so your "Rose Lips" poem touched me. I enjoyed reading it even though it's bleak midwinter here, and I won't be in my garden for several months.

I liked the imagery you invoked, the soft silkiness of the rose petals, the bees busy visiting them, the gentle scents wafting on the summer breeze. They all served to transport me to Spring and the joy of planting and tending my slice of heaven.

There were a few places that caused me to stumble a bit as I read your poem:

Brights colors - in my mind, only one of these words should be plural.

Blooms, bulbs in my yard - if we're talking about roses, then bulbs are out of place here. However, by possibly changing the phrase, it might add to your picture - "Blooms, bursting from bulbs in my yard" - perhaps something like that.

Thorns stemmed - this stopped me cold, thorns can't be stemmed, but stems can be thorned.

Yet, those things didn't detract from the flowery beauty of your poem. Thank you for sharing it!

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4850831

Review of STORY OF ALIENS

Review by 💘 Richard 💘

Rated: E

| (3.0)

Never judge a book by its cover. That could easily be the moral of this story. I won't comment further on that point for fear of giving too much away.

I enjoyed your short fiction; it had a good pace and kept my attention. There are some minor spelling errors (dispare s/b despair).

There were some points, like this one:

Hooks ripped through the far wall to pull a section out in a spherical shape.

That gave me pause. They were in space, wouldn't removing a section of hull cause a vacuum to form?

This section of running dialog also gave me pause:

“I’m just saying it’s not easy getting through there (s/b their) security when they make it more complex every time we rescue something.”

“I think we should be paid more. Especially If one of us is injured.”

“Yah, but if it wasn’t for us, phycos (s/b psychos) like those guys will keep illegally experimenting on innocent people.”

“Here’s an Idea(,) (Idea doesn't need capitalization) how about YOU ALL SHUT UP SO I CAN GET SOME SLEEP!”

I had to stop and think about who was speaking. Are there three Dino-aliens? More? Another thought that crossed my mind was that the Dinos had just rescued someone from the Grays. Would they really be napping, or would they be on full alert?

Overall, I enjoyed your story and its concept. I think you might want to revisit it, add some polish, check spellings to make it an even better read.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

25

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14 days may be credited.

#4849977

Review of Stay to Say

Review by 💘 Richard 💘

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi, I found your poem by clicking the "Read A Newbie" section in the right-hand menu. So welcome to Writing.com, I hope you find a writing home here!

Your poem has a tone that evokes a sad longing, a person wants to share their thoughts with someone, yet can't find the words or ways to do that.

It has a staggered rhyme scheme that I found disconcerting, which isn't a bad thing, since that may have been your intention. Using the rhyme scheme to evoke tension and emotion is clever.

Upon reading your poem, I hope you do stay and share more with us. I think you have much to say!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .