*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/brennus
Review Requests: ON
200 Public Reviews Given
I'm good at...
Asking questions that may help you develop and expand your story. Inconsistencies tend to jump out at me and I will point out any I see.
Public Reviews
Previous ... -1- 2 3 4 ... Next
1
1
Review of Chapter Three  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi Rhymer Reisen, I am reviewing "Chapter Three of "The Queen of Serpents as part of "I Write: Enter the Second Decade.

As always, I preface this review by stating unequivocally, that I am neither a professional writer nor a professional reviewer, so please take what I say as suggestions that reflect my amateur status.

So let me see if I have this much straight; Our protagonist appears to be a writer named Calanthe, who is attempting to penetrate, and possibly bring down, a cult run by our antagonist Tripp Goode. Meanwhile, Tripp's wife, Sarah who is actually in love with another woman, is stealing cult funds in preparation for escaping to a better life with Nadine. But! Tripp is on to Sarah. Yikes! And, on top of that, there's a snake!?! Double Yikes!!

I have to say I enjoyed your use of musical terms, like percussion. One I might quibble with, though only because of my background is your use of vibrato, here;

Calanthe squished against the textured wall while thunder thrummed vibrato through the structure,


Musically, vibrato is an oscillation of the pitch, a slight movement up and down in the notes tuning. It isn't a vibration per se. So that particular description gave me pause. I don't think it detracts from the story, and I don't think most readers will object to it.

My favorite description is this one;

the Freudian behemoth of a desk


It tells us as much about the desk's owner as it does the desk!

Another place where your choice of language tells us more about the person as it does about tyhe action is;

She roared, standing as she brayed into the room and into herself,


A bit of insight into Sarah's psyche.

I didn't see any mechanical errors nor for that matter anything else that distracted me. Though I will say that a few of your more florid descriptions made me re-read a passage or two, just to check that I had the right meaning.

When my eyes permit, I will read chapters One and Two, putting this Chapter more in perspective. I did enjoy it, even though horror is generally not my cup of Jameson

Thank You for sharing your talents with us, and for all you do here on WdC!



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
2
2
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Sumojo, I am reviewing "Singing in the rain as part of "I Write: Enter the Second Decade.

This was a very clever take on the haunted painting trope, and I want to take a moment to thank you for the earworm that is now playing nonstop in my head! But, seriously I enjoyed your tale immensely, it flowed well and held my interest from start to finish.

The protagonist acquired a painting with special properties, which over time manifested into a delightfully quirky haunting. To be honest, I'm not sure I would have given the painting up as easily as your protagonist. After all, its behavior wasn't all that sinister, as long as you didn't slip on the wet floor.

I didn't see anything that gave me pause mechanically, or that detracted from the tale. The only thing I took note of is that in two places, there is a space missing between a period and the next word;

Here; Gene Kelly and Debbie Reynolds were tap dancing and singing, the rain so real that drops of water splashed onto the hall (tiles.>Terrified,)

And here; A tiny old lady, barely taller than a child, answered it and invited me inside the beautiful (home.>Taking)

A nicely woven tale! Thank You For Sharing!!




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
3
3
Review of The Fall  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Flower! I am reviewing "The Fall, I found your poem listed in the Review A Newbie section of WdC's homepage, and I'm glad I did. Thank You for sharing your talents with us.

As always with any review, please remember that my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and disregard the rest.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Presentation; This is where I talk about how your writing looks on the page/screen.

Your poem is presented clearly and neatly, It is easy to read.

Form; How things are set up

Your poem consists of five quatrains, with a rhyme scheme of ABAB CDCD EFEF GHGH IJIJ.

Flow; When I read your poem, was I distracted by anything, did I have to back up and reread it?

I must confess that as read, and then reread your poem I was struck by its lyricism. That being said I wanted to sing your poem rather than merely read it. Which is a good thing. The difficulty with that is, that when I tried to mentally set it to music the variations in syllables on each line gave me pause. More about that later!!

Technicalities; This is where I address any mechanical, spelling, or grammar problems I spotted.

I didn't see anything that made me stop or backtrack until I tried setting your wonderful poem to music.

Favorites; Things I liked best!

Four extremely powerful lines;

The first —
         The stone ground below,
         Has never looked so cold,

Such an expression of sadness and melancholy.

Then these —

         This is a never-ending love, I call,
         My lover has been found.

Triumph and redemption!!

Closing Thoughts;

So I said I saw your poem as lyrics, and mentioned how that gave me pause to stumble as I read it, not your fault because you wrote a poem I foolishly tried to sing.

But picture this; your wonderfully powerful poem falls into the hands of a composer/songwriter, this is what might happen;

         The composer reads your lyrics about a million times.
         He/She scribbles some changes and sends them off to you for review.
         His/Her notes would look something like this — ""The Fall" - By Flower
         The item is set to private — I will email the passkey to open it.
         You and the composer would discuss and toss ideas back and forth until you came to an agreement.
         You and he/she write a huge hit tune!!

Your poem is wonderful and stands very well on its own, but it launched into song in my mind, hopefully, you take that as the compliment it's meant to be!

And remember, please, as always, these are just opinions and thoughts; please feel free to use and adapt what works and ignore what doesn’t. Thank You, Richard ~ Mending Well!! , feel free to contact me if you have any questions!


Signature created for me by Roseille. Thank You!!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
4
4
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi, Lori J ! I am reviewing your Chapter: {item: 2270731}, I saw your request for reviews on the Newsfeed. Thank You for sharing your talents with us.

As always, please remember that my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and disregard the rest.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Presentation; This is where I talk about how your writing looks on the page/screen.

Space between paragraphs helps to improve readability. It sets off changes in dialogue voices and helps the reader identify idea changes.

Very often if you are using Copy & Paste from a word processing app, your original might automatically add the double space. But when pasted, WdC doesn’t recognize the spacing. The best way to overcome that is to add the second space manually, short; Hit the enter key twice between paragraphs.

Plot What I think it is about.

An extraterrestrial traveler crash lands on Earth, stranded, she meets an Earth couple who take care of her.

Characters

Laresn/Zook – a stranded extraterrestrial traveler
         She and Zook, her imaginary twin, Just wondering if you really meant imaginary, it might be interesting if there was a symbiotic relationship, rather than an imaginary one.

Kent and Marie – the couple who find and care for her.

There is no clearly defined protagonist/antagonist relationship yet.

Flow: When I read your story, was I distracted by anything, did I have to back up and reread?

The story flows well, but there are a few things that made me backtrack.

This sentence gave me pause;

“These are really good chocolate chip cookies. It tastes as though you made them yourself.”
         I was not sure who said this, I inferred it was Kent, based on who he was speaking to, I think a dialogue tag is needed here.

Another point of slight confusion, Laresn/Zook can read English, but not speak or understand English?
         That might need explanation.

Technicalities: This is where I address any mechanical, spelling, or grammar problems I spotted.

In the first paragraph, this line;
“Where was she and what was happening?”

Did Laresn/Zook say that out loud? If she did, then the quotes are correct. But, if she only thought it rather than saying it, you might want to offset it by using italics. Do that on WdC. by doing this

{i}“Where was she and what was happening?”{/i}

There are a few places where the dialogue wasn’t closed by an end quote;

“Yes, and he checked his computer, but couldn’t find anything.(missing”)

“Thanks, I’ll go get dressed for work.(missing”)


Favorites:

She and Zook, her imaginary twin, had found this building and had been sleeping soundly in the loft.

There is great potential in this line. Is Zook actually Imaginary or is Zook a non-corporeal symbiont?
Final thoughts:

This is a great beginning to your story, it makes me want to read more. You made me care about Laresn/Zook, I want to follow her story and learn more about her.

And remember, please, as always, these are just opinions and thoughts; please feel free to use and adapt what works and ignore what doesn’t. Thank You, Richard ~ Mending Well!!


Signature created for me by Roseille. Thank You!!



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
5
5
Review of Oink Oink  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, Elska Hugrekki ! I am reviewing this today as one of two judges for the "Writing 4 Kids Contest. Thank You for sharing your talents with us.

As always, please remember that my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and disregard the rest.

What I am looking for;

Adherence to contest rules.

Limerick Rules

Five lines = One stanza (You may write as many stanzas as you like, but make sure you follow the guidelines!)
Rhyme scheme: AABBA
Syllables: 8/8/5/5/8
Meter:
         Lines 1, 2 & 5 – da dum da da dum da da dum.
         Line 3 & 4 – da dum da da dum
         dum is a stressed syllable, da is an unstressed syllable.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Adherence to contest rules.

No line count, please see rule #6.

Presentation;

Austere presentation, no adornment. basic font and color.

Meter:

Meter was perfect syllabically. Stresses may be misplaced in this line;

There was a little boy called Sam

Of course, that may be my reading of the line.

Rhyme:

Rhyme scheme is spot on.

Flow:

I have trouble with the first line, but after that the limerick falls into the familiar sing-song pattern.

Technicalities:

There is no punctuation to dictate pauses.

Favorites:

"And lashings of apple-fig jam" — I can see Sam whipping jam onto his ham with a spoon!

Final thoughts:

A very neatly constructed limerick, I liked both the subject and imagery!

And remember please, as always these are just opinions and thoughts, please feel free to use and adapt what works, and equally free to ignore what doesn't. Thank You Richard ~ Mending Well!!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
6
6
Review of Mary The Koala  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi, Sumojo! I am reviewing this today as one of two judges for the "Writing 4 Kids Contest. Thank You for sharing your talents with us.

As always, please remember that my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and disregard the rest.

What I am looking for;

Adherence to contest rules.

Limerick Rules

Five lines = One stanza (You may write as many stanzas as you like, but make sure you follow the guidelines!)
Rhyme scheme: AABBA
Syllables: 8/8/5/5/8
Meter:
         Lines 1, 2 & 5 – da dum da da dum da da dum.
         Line 3 & 4 – da dum da da dum
         dum is a stressed syllable, da is an unstressed syllable.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Adherence to contest rules.

Contest rules were adhered to.

Presentation;

Excellent, clear, and easily readable, with illustrations!

Meter:

There were breaks in the 8/8/5/5/8 syllabic meter in every stanza. The syllabic meter was broken within stanzas.

Rhyme:

The rhyme scheme was clever and well maintained.

Flow:

Because the syllable count varies between lines, the flow and sing-song quality of the limerick form was a bit hidden.

Technicalities:

I didn't spot any technical errors.

Favorites:

The kids are going to love a koala in a sweater and socks!

Final thoughts:

This is a great children's poem, they'd love it. It does need some tweaking to fit the strict limerick form.

And remember please, as always these are just opinions and thoughts, please feel free to use and adapt what works, and equally free to ignore what doesn't. Thank You Richard ~ Mending Well!!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
7
7
Review of Wheel of Fortune  
for entry "March 14, 2022
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi, ridinghhood-p.boutilier! I am reviewing this today as one of two judges for the "Writing 4 Kids Contest. Thank You for sharing your talents with us.

As always, please remember that my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and disregard the rest.

What I am looking for;

Adherence to contest rules.

Limerick Rules

Five lines = One stanza (You may write as many stanzas as you like, but make sure you follow the guidelines!)
Rhyme scheme: AABBA
Syllables: 8/8/5/5/8
Meter:
         Lines 1, 2 & 5 – da dum da da dum da da dum.
         Line 3 & 4 – da dum da da dum
         dum is a stressed syllable, da is an unstressed syllable.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Adherence to contest rules.

Rules were followed.

Presentation;

Thank you for including the cover art that inspired the limericks. The writing was clear and legible.

Meter:

Followed limerick 8/8/5/5/8 syllabic, some word accents may have misplaced the stresses.

Rhyme:

Rinds and limes is a close enough rhyme.

Flow:

Some of the accents are misplaced, so I don't feel that sing-song, limerick feel all the time.

Technicalities:

Might be a comma or two missing, but other than that I see no major problems.

Favorites:

My favorite lines!

Pretzels and pork rinds,
Cheez-Its and key limes


Final thoughts:

A nice set of limericks, but maybe not child-lit friendly, as the tendency now is to shy away from things related to the bodily physique.

And remember please, as always these are just opinions and thoughts, please feel free to use and adapt what works, and equally free to ignore what doesn't. Thank You Richard ~ Mending Well!!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
8
8
Review of Erin the Fair  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi, Buddhangela's treading water! I am reviewing this today as one of two judges for the "Writing 4 Kids Contest. Thank You for sharing your talents with us.

As always, please remember that my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and disregard the rest.

What I am looking for;

Adherence to contest rules.

Limerick Rules

Five lines = One stanza (You may write as many stanzas as you like, but make sure you follow the guidelines!)
Rhyme scheme: AABBA
Syllables: 8/8/5/5/8
Meter:
         Lines 1, 2 & 5 – da dum da da dum da da dum.
         Line 3 & 4 – da dum da da dum
         dum is a stressed syllable, da is an unstressed syllable.

Adherence to contest rules.

No line count (see rule # 6)

Presentation;

Clear and readable.

Meter:

Perfect!

Rhyme:

The rhyme between Erin and Baron is a bit forced, but that might be my Long Island accent otherwise, the rest of the scheme settles well.

Flow:

A nice bouncy flow!

Technicalities:

I didn't see any technical problems.

Favorites:

I like when children's lit leaves some things that need to be explained, like your use of the word Fae, a teacher would probably have to explain its meaning.

Final thoughts:

This is a nice, short, and sweet limerick. Thank you for sharing your talent with us!

And remember please, as always these are just opinions and thoughts, please feel free to use and adapt what works, and equally free to ignore what doesn't. Thank You Richard ~ Mending Well!!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
9
9
Review of Mutt Gus  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, SandraLynn! I am reviewing this today as one of two judges for the "Writing 4 Kids Contest. Thank You for sharing your talents with us.

As always, please remember that my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and disregard the rest.

What I am looking for;

Adherence to contest rules.

Limerick Rules

Five lines = One stanza (You may write as many stanzas as you like, but make sure you follow the guidelines!)
Rhyme scheme: AABBA
Syllables: 8/8/5/5/8
Meter:
         Lines 1, 2 & 5 – da dum da da dum da da dum.
         Line 3 & 4 – da dum da da dum
         dum is a stressed syllable, da is an unstressed syllable.

Presentation;

Adhered to all contest rules.
The presentation was clear and easy to read.
My old eyes would have liked a larger font.
A cartoon of an Old English Sheep Dog as a cover would have been a nice addition!

Meter:

8/8/5/5/8 was maintained except for one line;

I'm urged to rise = four syllables. Perhaps arise?

Rhyme:

The rhyme scheme was clever and well maintained!

Flow:

The flow in each of the second lines is a bit strained, the emphasized syllable of the words like oblivious don't serve your rhythm.

Technicalities:

I didn't spot any mechanical, spelling, or grammatical issues.

Favorites:

This is very definitely a child-friendly set of limericks. I really liked that lines 1, 2, & 5 of all four stanzas rhymed. That coupled with the repetition of "mutt Gus", would make this a splendid poem to read to children.

Final thoughts:

Thank you for sharing this poem, I enjoyed reading it!

And remember please, as always these are just opinions and thoughts, please feel free to use and adapt what works, and equally free to ignore what doesn't. Thank You Richard ~ Mending Well!!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
10
10
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi, Kåre Enga UdonThani 🇹🇭! I am reviewing this today as one of two judges for the "Writing 4 Kids Contest. Thank You for sharing your talents with us.

As always, please remember that my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and disregard the rest.

What I am looking for;

Adherence to contest rules.

Limerick Rules

Five lines = One stanza (You may write as many stanzas as you like, but make sure you follow the guidelines!)
Rhyme scheme: AABBA
Syllables: 8/8/5/5/8
Meter:
         Lines 1, 2 & 5 – da dum da da dum da da dum.
         Line 3 & 4 – da dum da da dum
         dum is a stressed syllable, da is an unstressed syllable.

Presentation;

Contest Rules: No line Count was provided;

6) Be sure to post line count or word count within the body of your entry. Above or below your story is fine, either way.

The text was clear and readable. I would have liked a bit less clutter. Perhaps the additional copyright information and contest information could have been included as an Authors Note.

I.E. Author's Note

Meter:

The first stanza of the three is 9/9/6/6/9, not the standard 8/8/5/5/8.

Rhyme:

The rhyme scheme is well structured with the exception of;

with pastries galore
and popcorn and smores
.

The s at the end of smores breaks the rhyme. Perhaps more or just s'more?

Flow:

The poem as a whole flows very well, with pleasant sing-song quality. Very well done!

Technicalities:

S'mores is a contraction for Some More, as such, it needs that apostrophe.

Favorites:

Two things I loved;

The indentation of the short lines was a great touch and worked nicely.

The other might have been inadvertent but was a humorous gotcha non the less.

These lines;

now Barbie and Bob,
Rebecca and Rob,


Bob and Rob are derivatives of the same name, it would have been nice to carry that little joke further by substituting Becky or Beckie for Barbie.

Final thoughts:

All in all, I enjoyed reading your entry, and I apologize for being a bit nitpicky, but it is a contest after all. Please be sure to review the contest rules before you make your posts! And remember please, as always these are just opinions and thoughts, please feel free to use and adapt what works, and equally free to ignore what doesn't. Thank You Richard ~ Mending Well!!!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
11
11
Review of It's a Love Story  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Keira, And welcome to Writing.com!

I saw your post on the Newsfeed and decided to come and visit your portfolio. I found this story, your first on WdC. I hope you don't mind if I review it.

First, some important things to remember about reviews in general. The review is one person's opinion, and you need to remember that. Most people on WdC will try to do helpful, balanced reviews. The most important thing about a review is to use what is helpful and works for you! Don't get bogged down in the criticism or let it dampen your spirit.

Okay, on to my review;

We meet the two characters early, who as far as I can tell have only met each other online. They are both teenagers, about three years apart. They live in different time zones, which makes communication hard. There are other obstacles to their relationship, but we'll leave that to your story.

I would have liked to have seen a few of their online conversations as dialogue, you could have used that dialogue to Show Me about them rather than Telling Me about them.

There were no stand-out grammatical errors that distracted me and no spelling errors that I saw.

A small mechanical error;

I think you missed double-spacing after the paragraph that ends in "troublemaker".

Also, and again this is my opinion, this paragraph;

One day, they'll both be old enough to do whatever they want, whatever they please and you know the first thing they will do is make sure they're together. Making sure they have the warmth of the other, hearing each other's heartbeat and just then this sad love story would be over with a happy ending. Amelia sees Leo, with a few bags in his hand and a suitcase beside him. Leo would stare at her, realizing just how beautiful Amelia really was. Noticing how his heart won't stop beating so fast. Amelia freezing right there in that very airport. They both run until they are in each other's arms. Amelia hears his heartbeat and she thinks it's the most beautiful song. She decides that his heartbeat is her new favorite melody and they both realize this is how it's going to be for a very long time. A sad love story with a happy, comforting ending.

Might have a more dramatic emphasis if you treated each character's actions as separate thoughts.

Perhaps something like this;

One day, they'll both be old enough to do whatever they want, whatever they please and you know the first thing they will do is make sure they're together.

Making sure they have the warmth of the other, hearing each other's heartbeat and just then this sad love story would be over with a happy ending.

Amelia sees Leo, with a few bags in his hand and a suitcase beside him.

Leo would stare at her, realizing just how beautiful Amelia really was. Noticing how his heart won't stop beating so fast.

Amelia freezing right there in that very airport.

They both run until they are in each other's arms. Amelia hears his heartbeat and she thinks it's the most beautiful song. She decides that his heartbeat is her new favorite melody and they both realize this is how it's going to be for a very long time.

A sad love story with a happy, comforting ending.

It also improves the reading flow, making it a bit clearer. More white space makes it easier to read

This is a wonderful start, to what I hope is a long and growing portfolio here on Writing.com. And once again, I welcome you! Please, as I said above, but can't stress enough, this review is my opinion, use what works, and feel free to shred, spindle, and mutilate what doesn't.

Thank You For Sharing With Us! Write On!

Signature created for me by Roseille. Thank You!!
Image #2211144 over display limit. -?- ...I'm only the trombone player!}


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
12
12
Review of Humble Pi  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Happy Pi Day! Thank you for sharing your pi with me!

I loved this ode to an irrational number, while I was never a fan of math, I was always fascinated by number sequences.

I loved that you pointed out how important pi is to our everyday lives. We don't really realize how often the things we take for granted every day wouldn't exist without those pesky little numbers!

I didn't see any mechanical or grammatical errors. The poem had a nice, consistent rhyme scheme, and a pleasing rhythm.

** Image ID #2216512 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
13
13
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Very well done! This was very clever!! Your descriptions were precise enough to lead us to the conclusion you were aiming at. And the ominous twist at the end. Just what could the dark marionette be plotting?

I don't see any mechanical or grammatical issues, nothing distracted me from the flow of your microfiction.

Great Job! Thank You!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
14
14
Review of Memoirs  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Anni Pon I was reading through your port and found your Prose folder, I read both pieces in it and loved them both. They were concise and well written. I think though "Memoirs stands out as my favorite.

Writing a tale using only dialog is a tough assignment. All of the actions and descriptions have to be inferred from the conversation. You also need to quickly establish the voices, without the help of dialog tags.

You did a great job, and I was able to easily follow this conversation. Everything was clear and well laid out.

There were no mechanical problems that gave me pause or distracted me from the flow. The twist at the end was very well done and caught me by surprise as a good twist should!

I am a bit into children's stories right now, as I have been doing quite a bit of reading to younger children. I know that this was intended to be a dialog-only story, but it would make, with expansion and added layers of description, a splendid children's book.

Thank You For Sharing!!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
15
15
Review of Chapter Four  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi J.L. O'Dell, I am reviewing "Chapter Four as part of "I Write: Enter the Second Decade (I Write: Decade Edition)

Even though this is Chapter Four of a longer work, I am able to infer via the text that, ASHLEY NOLAN, who is at least the main focus of this chapter, works for a publisher. She is traveling to meet with one of the companies authors. Some of my review may reflect on things I didn't read in the first three chapters.

The story flowed well, the dialog was clear and I knew who was speaking. There were good descriptions of the surroundings and settings, as well as the characters we might be meeting for the first time. I assume that characters like Ashley and Mollie were described earlier. You could have added scents and smells. I have always found airports to smell of aviation fuels, smaller airports smell different than larger commercial airports. Did the pilots wear cologne?

There were a few mechanical issues that really stuck out;

First in your intro: Ashley flews to Ellsworth, ME. Should that be flies?

"ASHLEY NOLAN ARRIVED at the private airport on time for her direct flight to Ellsworth, Maine."

Not sure why the first three words are capitalized.

"she decided to fore go the first-class accommodations" I think forego is one word.

"$40 dollars" You need to only use the $ sign or the word dollar, not both.

"She approached what was a poor excuse for an airlines counter." It is the airlines counter, so airline's.

"The man behind it was tall and skinny with it. Perhaps in his fifties(,) Ashley thought."

"He led Ashley through the back door and unto the tarmac were the dual engine Cessna Citation XE the airline purchased used waited"

Onto and where?

"Before long she felt the engines rive up and the brake release"

I think this should rev, rive means to tear apart, not a good thing for airplane engines.

Thank you for sharing your talents with us, I look forward to reading the finished product!!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
16
16
In affiliation with Dreamweaver Bar & Grill  
Rated: E | (5.0)
What a wonderful, kind thing to do! Thank You!!

I would like to nominate;

Nixie still a one-winged bird
ForeverDreamer
Lornda
A E Willcox
Starling
🔥 LynnPenCakes 🔥
blimprider
Brother Nature

{huser:nixie9}
{huser:joefredthomas}
{huser:memories}
{huser:poulynoe}
{huser:pager}
{huser:lynntarzan}
{huser:blimprider}
{huser:brothernature}


I am enclosing Gift Points to cover the nominations! Just add extra people to this wonderful event!!!




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
17
17
Review of Wheel of Fortune  
for entry "January 8, 2022
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hi ridinghhood-p.boutilier, I am doing this review as part of "I Write: Enter the Second Decade (I Write: Decade Edition)

I don't know much about Tarot Cards, I have never used them or had a reading done. I didn't know one could concentrate on specific cards in a deck, I thought the reading depended on a random draw and then an interpretation by the reader.

Sadly the pandemic has everyone thinking about what-ifs. My girlfriend and I care for her elderly mother, Momma Mary is a feisty 96 years young. Unfortunately, she can't be vaccinated, so we have to be very careful around her. It's hard on everyone.

I do want to thank you for being careful and mindful of your own and others' health, I really wonder about the selfishness and lack of caring that some people exhibit.

I did see a very minor typo;

         "Yesterday I learned that a member at the adult dementia day stay wher where I work had tested positive for Covid."

I also saw that you wanted to insert an emdash in places, Writing.Com has a code for that.

If you use this code {emdash} it will look like this —

Using your line:

         "Death--XIII--The Cook's Tarot--Embrace what life has to offer----including leftovers."

         "Death{emdash}XIII{emdash}The Cook's Tarot{emdash}mbrace what life has to offer{emdash}including leftovers."


Would look like this;

         "Death—XIII—The Cook's Tarot—Embrace what life has to offer—including leftovers."

Thank you for sharing, I went and found the recipe you mentioned and saved it to try—it sounds yummy!



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
18
18
Review of Oh Music Oh Music  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Schnujo, this review is part of the "WdC SuperPower Reviewers GroupSummer Fun Review Raid. I hope you don't mind being raided!

I'll be looking at these main points;

Plot: A poetic exploration of the principal components of music;

"Music is the use, Of sound and of silence"

I used to begin my first lecture in Music Theory 1 with a statement very akin to this.

Characters: There are no characters. The poem covers the various facets that form the basis of Western Music.

Mechanics: I liked your use of a refrain or chorus as we would term it in music, that mimicked closely the standard song form. Your rhyme scheme was steady and well planned out. The poem flowed very rhythmically and was an easy read.


Presentation Thank You for the larger font size! The poem's layout was consistent.


Final Thoughts Usually I have a favorite line, but in this case, it turns out I have a favorite stanza;

"Greek for mousike
Means "art of the muses"
From nine lovely goddesses
Of their inspiration infuses"


These were very astute and well-thought-out analogies for musical concepts!

Grumpy What Makes This Little Guy So Grumpy? is pleased!!

Like all reviews, this is based on one reader's opinion. The review is meant to be helpful and constructive. My opinion is not the end-all, be-all of the literary world and you should view that as such. Please use what works and disregard what doesn't. If anything I said needs further explanation or clarification please feel free to contact me Richard ~ Mending Well!!

Image #1996435 over display limit. -?-


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
19
19
Review of Dandelion  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi PiriPica, this review is part of the "WdC SuperPower Reviewers GroupSummer Fun Review Raid. I hope you don't mind being raided!

I'll be looking at these main points;

Plot: A Cinquino about a common weed.


Characters: The dandelion is our main character here, described to a Tee with economical use of words.


Mechanics: For those like me who need coaching in the poetical forms;

Line 1: One word (a noun, the subject of the poem) *Check*
Line 2: Two words (adjectives that describe the subject in line 1)
Line 3: Three words (-ing action verbs–participles–that relate to the subject in line 1)
Line 4: Four words (a phrase or sentence that relates feelings about the subject in line 1) *Check*
Line 5: One word (a synonym for the subject in line 1 or a word that sums it up) Almost *Check*
Alternative Line 5 for older poets: Five words (a phrase or sentence that further relates feelings about the subject in line 1)


So, not quite following the rules that were laid down by who knows who?

But! It Works! And Works Well. Rules are made to be broken!

Presentation The layout, font and font size are excellent.


Final Thoughts I really don't consider the dandelion a weed, it's the first flower that honey bees feast on and a plant that's far more native than the grass most try to force to grow. It is edible and in reality prettier than grass.

My favorite line is your play on a lion's mane —

"Proud mane shining against the green"

Thank You!

Like all reviews, this is based on one reader's opinion. The review is meant to be helpful and constructive. My opinion is not the end-all, be-all of the literary world and you should view that as such. Please use what works and disregard what doesn't. If anything I said needs further explanation or clarification please feel free to contact me Richard ~ Mending Well!!

Summer Fun shared image


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
20
20
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Rhymer Reisen, this review is part of the "WdC SuperPower Reviewers GroupSummer Fun Review Raid. I hope you don't mind being raided!

I'll be looking at these main points;

Plot: There's magic afoot in rural Oklahoma!


Characters: Trey Willabee is a mild-mannered English teacher about to be surprised by new realizations. There are several other mystical/mythical characters, but exploring them might give too much of the story away.


Mechanics: No mechanical problems. I like the voooiiiiceeeees you gave your characters, they worked well.


Presentation Thank you for the larger font!! The spacing and the layout are consistent and lend themselves to an easy read.


Final Thoughts Trey's new world seems like a gold mine, with plenty of room to build and explore. You have created a world with much room to grow. All of the characters are likable in their own way. I hope their adventures continue! Write On!


Like all reviews, this is based on one reader's opinion. The review is meant to be helpful and constructive. My opinion is not the end-all, be-all of the literary world and you should view that as such. Please use what works and disregard what doesn't. If anything I said needs further explanation or clarification please feel free to contact me Richard ~ Mending Well!!

Summer Fun shared image


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
21
21
for entry "A Trip to Athora
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Vaishali , this review is part of the "WdC SuperPower Reviewers GroupSummer Fun Review Raid. I hope you don't mind being raided!

I'll be looking at these main points;

Plot: A young girl moves through an unusual jungle world.


Characters: Our protagonist is young Olivia Berns, who is accompanied by her friends Jack and Anne. We haven't met an antagonist yet.


Mechanics: While there are no glaring errors that detract from the chapter, there are a few small ones that gave me pause.

Moreover, the calm breezes caress one's skin like a mother giving his son, a gentle pat on his forehead.
         The red his seems to be referring back to the mother in this sentence, should this be hers, or is this purposeful ambiguity? If so, work to make it clearer that you did this on purpose.

"Don't you think that it's not her first time here.?
The period should be a question mark.


Presentation Thank You for using a larger font, it makes for easier reading for those with older eyes. Try to stay consistent with your spacing — in most places you treated each new speaker as a new paragraph, except for here;

"Look at Olivia ! Where is she going?" Anne exclaimed.
"Let's follow her", said Jack.



Final Thoughts So far I like Olivia's story, you have a great start. Expand on the descriptions by including all the senses including smells, sounds, and taste, not just what she sees.

         What did Athora Smell Like? What did the cave smell like?
         What noises did the Chihuahuas make when they greeted the students?
         What sounds were in the background of Athora.
         What did Olivia hear or not hear as she entered the cave?

Draw me in Olivia's world with descriptions!


Like all reviews, this is based on one reader's opinion. The review is meant to be helpful and constructive. My opinion is not the end-all, be-all of the literary world and you should view that as such. Please use what works and disregard what doesn't. If anything I said needs further explanation or clarification please feel free to contact me Richard ~ Mending Well!!

Summer Fun shared image


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
22
22
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi ~ShadowSilverMoon~🌌, this review is part of the "WdC SuperPower Reviewers GroupSummer Fun Review Raid. I hope you don't mind being raided!

I'll be looking at these main points;

Plot: A poem of a love destroyed by malice, sad and dark in tone.


Characters: Two star-crossed lovers as the protagonists, a less than loyal friend as the antagonist.


Mechanics: There were no errors or typos that detracted from the flow of the poem. I did stumble a bit over the changes in point of view. That may be more my problem than the authors


Presentation Well-spaced and punctuated. The rhyme stays consistent. A nice flow.

Sorry; another WriteML hint —

If you use {dropnote:"Text Here"}Note Here{/dropnote}

This way —

{{dropnote:"Author's Note:"}Reference to Isis.
Isis is a Moon Goddess in Egyptian mythology. She was known as the goddess of the moon and of life and magic, Isis protected women and children, and surely men She healed the sick.
{/dropnote}}

It yields this —

Author's Note:


Final Thoughts This poem made me sad, so it achieved its purpose, unrequited, stolen love is a saddening thing. Thank You! I need some cookies now.


Like all reviews, this is based on one reader's opinion. The review is meant to be helpful and constructive. My opinion is not the end-all, be-all of the literary world and you should view that as such. Please use what works and disregard what doesn't. If anything I said needs further explanation or clarification please feel free to contact me Richard ~ Mending Well!!

Summer Fun shared image


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
23
23
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi ♥HOOves♥, this review is part of the "WdC SuperPower Reviewers GroupSummer Fun Review Raid. I hope you don't mind being raided!

I'll be looking at these main points;

Plot: Plot? It's a song parody — does it need a plot? Well, actually it does have a plot, a Lonely Bull (wait – that was Herb Alpert) spots a lovely Milk Cow and becomes infatuated. I think the Eagles would approve!


Characters: All unnamed, the poem features a Bull, a Milk Cow, and a Farmer/Milkman.


Mechanics: No distractions or errors to detract from the flow of the poem. The rhythm varied a bit at times from the original song, but that is unavoidable.


Presentation Well laid out, great font size and choice and very appropriate art work!


Final Thoughts This is a well-written song parody, that for the most part follows the rhythm and rhyme of the original song, not always an easy task. Thank You!


Like all reviews, this is based on one reader's opinion. The review is meant to be helpful and constructive. My opinion is not the end-all, be-all of the literary world and you should view that as such. Please use what works and disregard what doesn't. If anything I said needs further explanation or clarification please feel free to contact me Richard ~ Mending Well!!

Summer Fun shared image


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
24
24
Review of Key of Joy  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi El-Fyn, this review is part of the "WdC SuperPower Reviewers GroupSummer Fun Review Raid. I hope you don't mind being raided!

I'll be looking at these main points;

Plot: Very Important Advice!! Find happiness in the small, impromptu moments that can bring joy to you.


Characters: The main voice appears to be the author, who implores us to live life to the fullest by actively pursuing the simple joys around us.


Mechanics: Nothing was amiss, there were no distractions and the poem flowed well.

If I had to quibble a bit, as a musician I would have to point out that dancers have no real idea of the key of the music they're dancing in. BUT! I agree, dance in the key of joy. has a better poetic flow than "sing in the key of joy"


Presentation Thank You for the larger font!!


Final Thoughts A lovely poem, extolling the virtues of the small, happy (and free moments) that provide happiness to us! Thank You For Reminding Us To Celebrate Them!


Like all reviews, this is based on one reader's opinion. The review is meant to be helpful and constructive. My opinion is not the end-all, be-all of the literary world and you should view that as such. Please use what works and disregard what doesn't. If anything I said needs further explanation or clarification please feel free to contact me Richard ~ Mending Well!!

Summer Fun shared image


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
25
25
Review of Christmas Rescue  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi Elle (she/her), this review is part of the "WdC SuperPower Reviewers GroupSummer Fun Review Raid. I hope you don't mind being raided!

I'll be looking at these main points;

Plot: Christmas on a beach in the Southern Hemisphere. The protagonist, an unnamed female is lamenting the loss of her significant other, David. She spots another character in distress and takes action.


Characters: Only one character is named, the departed David. David's personality is well laid out and we feel the protagonist's poignant sorrow at his loss. A significant role is played by nature in the form of heat and sun, nature here appears to be the antagonist.


Mechanics: I do not see any typos or errors that detracted from the flow of the story. There were a few word choices that gave me pause, they appear to be normal regional uses and names that I was unfamiliar with. However, in context, I was able to easily discern the meanings and intents.


Presentation My older eyes would have appreciated a larger font. The paragraphs and spacing were well done and easy to follow.


Final Thoughts This was a touching story of loss and a form of redemption. Thank you for sharing it with us. Write On!


Like all reviews, this is based on one reader's opinion. The review is meant to be helpful and constructive. My opinion is not the end-all, be-all of the literary world and you should view that as such. Please use what works and disregard what doesn't. If anything I said needs further explanation or clarification please feel free to contact me Richard ~ Mending Well!!

Summer Fun shared image


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
84 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 4 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/brennus