A nice friendship poem! The Rhyme was perfect, and the poem had a pretty good beat- You had six 9 syllable lines- Six 8 syllable lines- one 7 syllable line- and one six syllable line- which accounts for the nice rhythm. Good job! keep writing and God Bless!
There are a lot of religions! Just being Christan counts for six that you have up there and there are well over a hundred different denominations. And there are a great many other faiths than Christen in the world- that is why you are getting so many "Nones" Myself- I believe in a Higher power- God- But follow no particular Faith or denomination of one- so what does that make me? Keep these polls coming- I enjoy them!!! Keep writing and God Bless!!
Content is powerful- well done. I may be mistaken, but I believe you lost your syllable count in fourth stanza- 7-6-6-6. "Ouoting the WMD" I believe this is six syllables. God Bless!
Felt that this poem flowed very well. Felt you lost your rhyme scheme a little, but a very intresting poem none the less- I enjoyed reading this- Keep writing. God Bless and Happy New Year.
This is one of those poems that leave a "Feeling" or impression on me- The kind of poem you read through many times and always "Feel" the poem. It has a life. It breaths. Good Job! I give this five stars. God Bless and Happy New Year!
beautifully done- Masterful. very nice rhyme consistiency. flows well- reads stright through. Very interesting form- Content is inspirational. reminds me a little of frost. "Road less traveled" Bravo! Happy New Year!...
I give this five stars. I like these kind of poems. Short with alot of emoition packed into it. It makes me stop and think as well- We need more poems like this. Good job! Bravo!
Amen Brother- At fifty I'm just starting to get comfortable with myself, and would not want to be a teenager again for anything! If there is reincarnation- I will pass! I have noticed that my ears have grown a coat for the winters now that was never there when i was younger- lol.... This story was delightful, humorous, and true. It read through very well- and I enjoyed every word. Thank-you my friend, and God Bless and Happy New Year!!!
I would like to offer my deepest and heart-felt apoligies- Your bio says you would like some feed-back on improving your writing and I have none. Again, this is perfect the way it is- If i had to struggle to find something i guess it would be when she "thinks" to her self in the beginning of the story I would put that in script- if that is possible, to indicate thought, rather than spoken words, but It really does not matter because you state that as well. Your work is very discriptive and "Real"- I read stright through and became involved with the character. Very humorus as well! Again I say Bravo!!!!!
This was very informative. The links you have supplied here will be very helpful as well- Have saved some of them to my favorites. I think the biggest problem I have encountered for myself is coming across a piece that I am not sure how to review. Where I just do not feel qualified. (I think this will give me a better idea how to approch these reads.} And I have seen some reviews where the reviewer drew blood and i felt bad for the receiptent. The biggest reason that I want a review is to be shown, if need be, where i need to improve my work. When someone points out what i need to improve and does it in a callous way without any encouragement- it can be disheartening. I always try to give some encouragement on every review. I have found that it does take a certain amount of courage to give a rating and review that is less than perfect- I know for myself, there is a part of me that becomes self-centered for a moment, and I think if I don't give a good review It will come back to me in my own work- Then I remember the reason i joined WDC. and I give the most honest, and encouraging review I can- I'm here to improve my work, not to be lied to because someone is afraid they will hurt my feelings! I did not know I felt this strongly about this subject till I read this informative piece. On a final note, I sent one anonymous review and it did not feel right to me. I think this can give us licence to be overly harsh- even over-stepping our boundries. I have a long way to go I think on rating and reviews, but through this piece and the links supplied I am starting to feel more comfortable. Thank-you for writing this. God Bless and Happy New Year!!!
I believe all paths lead to God! We should choose either love or hate- not right or wrong- my right, may be your wrong, and your wrong, my right! There have been more people killed in the name of God than can be imagined. This is a powerful poem and i agree with it's content. Stanza eight stands out to me- is this what is called a slant rhyme or perhaps My pronunciation of omnipresent is off. Omnipresent and defend caught my ear...
Wow! This would make a fabulous song! I have to admit- I got chills, up and down my spine! Was thinking about the way I lived my life as I read this. For me personally- it fits, and i think anyone who has lived a life of, not only addiction, but abuse as well- will be moved by this beautiful write! I have crawled out of more gutters and walked away from more abuse than i am willing to admit at times- Life has beaten me down till i could no longer stand. When I could not do it on my own any longer, I turned to god- who is now my strength! MY writing, as is yours, is one of the weapons God has given me to stand up and face the world. When I write i heal myself- When I read inspired writing like yours- it heals me! Depending on how we use it- Writing is Gods love! Being a teacher for a living is one of the most noble occupations on the face of the planet. To teach children, and help influence their minds, and prepare them for life- what could be more sacrificing. I had so much anger, and had lived such an extream existance, even by the age of ten- that by the time I reached the seventh grade I was dismissed from every school in the state! I had to teach myself to read and write. the grades i did attend i ignored while i was there- thats why i use so many words the wrong way when i write and my spelling is so off at times- i spend a great deal of time proofing my work, and still get it wrong. Thats why i see your profession as so noble. I wish i could have benefited from your gift of teaching- God has blessed you in two ways- The gift of teaching and the gift of writing! This poem-song. that you have written will touch many hearts my friend... God Bless and Happy New year!!!
excellent writing. Free verse that sings! I know that this is already long for a poem but i would expand it even more!!! Make it epic! Or not- either way, good write!! Bravo! Happy New Year and God Bless!!!
delightfull! Structure was good. Has a good beat. I love these kinds of poems. they make me want to crawl into bed and put the covers over my head! This would be a good halloween poem. Anyway, good job. Loved the content. Happy New Year. And please keep writing. I enjoy reading your work!
Structure is good. It flows well. Good beat. the content is not only witty, but comforting as well. You expressed all the emotions i've felt and lightened them up with this lovely, light hearted poem. Thank you for that! Happy New Year! And keep writing!
Just thought I would check out some more writing in your port. Trying to give you less than a 5.0- but so far no luck. lol. How I rate a story is to read it through first to see if I get stuck anywhere. If not, I go back and check for misspelled words, or sentences that don't sound right to my ear. What usually makes a 5.0 is anything I read, that not only reads right through, but I get immersed in the story as well- means that the author did a good job.... Good Job!
If I could I would give this a ten.o... The imagery in this is great! Plus I laughed and had fun reading it. What a mischievous little imp! Nilbog would make a great short story for halloween! My favorite lines were, "He would find them tonight and weave nightmares into their tiny little brains." And, "You will be sorry you said that Mr. Spielberg." This is a perfect little story the way it is, but you could easily expand this into something bigger- I think it is so appealing because we all have a little bit of Nilbog in us! Bravo! Author! Bravo! In the Novella that I am writing there are two Goblins and a Hobgoblin. My Goblins are very nasty and malevolent and have no names, but if I do half the job you did describing my goblins- the way you did with Nilbog- then I would have a winner! By the way, my day is going pretty good- I'm not suppose to spend to much time on the computer on the weekends- I promised the wife! Just waiting for the Game tonight! Giants and patriots! Should be a good one! I reworked Chapter One last night and put it back in my port. It may still need some more work, but thats all right! It's a process. Thanks again for your help and comments- you helped me get excited about writing it again. Happy New Year, To you, your family, and Nilbog.........
This is very original. The poem flows very well and has a nice little beat to it. I Have read alot of halloween poems and again I would use the word original. It's kind of goblin in an enchanted forest type of feeling for me. This could be the beginning of a great story for children. this is perfect!
beautifully written. this poem has a very nice tone to it. It has good rhyme and rhythm without being forced at all. The content is real and I feel your emotion. Good job! Bravo!
My fond memories are far and in-between, and hard to find. Reading this recollection of yours must have tapped into my subconscious because it was suddenly fall and I was a kid again! Thanks... Good Job!
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/bronxdutchman/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/11
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.27 seconds at 4:31pm on Apr 27, 2024 via server web1.
| (4.5)
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
