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 DISCLAIMER
I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.
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 INTRODUCTION
Hello Breach  ,
I said that I'd be happy to review the other chapters in your book, so here I am to review your item "FTB: Chapter 2: The Sun and the Star"  . I hope that you don't think these reviews are too terribly redundant.
So here we go:
WHAT I LIKED:
 Installation:
What I liked best about this chapter is that it achieved four out of the five things that I like to see in every chapter of a book:
- Building on Existing Plot
This chapter followed what happened in the chapter before it. They went back to reclaim stuff from the attack, they picked up on conversations they were having, Faldashir was injured from the battle, it felt like part of a larger story.
- Furthering the Plot
You didn't just talk about stuff that happened in the previous chapter, but you let new exciting things happen so that this chapter moved the story along, and had its own merits. The story didn't slow down or rely on action from other parts of the story to keep the reader engaged.
- Keep Steady Pacing
The tone and pacing for this chapter were incredibly like the tone and pacing for chapter one. Obviously a novel needs to rise and fall throughout, but I think that especially early on while you're establishing atmosphere, characters, and premise, that steady pacing helps keep people invested, especially when it's as fast-paced as your story seems to be.
- Promise More Story
The reader is left wanting something at the end of this. We see that the conflict, though evaded for now, is not entirely dealt with, and we get a little insight into what obstacles Branston has ahead of him.
The only thing like I feel this chapter didn't do that I would really have liked to see was build on the character. By the end of the first chapter I like to have a good feeling for who the protagonist is and what their motivations are. We talked about that a little following my last review - but I'm bringing it up again now because traditionally I would like to see that arc furthered a little bit in the second chapter.
Normally I'd like to feel a much stronger connection to Branston right now, but I'm beginning to feel like that's something that's going to be developed at a slower pace throughout the story - which I'll try to adjust my expectations for, since it is something we have already discussed.
MY SUGGESTIONS:
Injuries:
Here is an excerpt from the story (I'll tuck it under a drop note due to length:
Excerpt ▼
"It took you long enough." Faldashir growled. "Of course I'm bleeding, I was shot!" He looked down at his ribs, where his white coat was torn and red. "The rider nicked me. Besides I'm wearing leather underneath. I'll be fine."
"Are you sure your rib's not broken?" Branston couldn't help wishing the man wasn't hurt too badly. He may be lying to me, but he saved my life.
"Of course a rib is broken!" Faldashir said, "Now let's get going, unless you have anything else obvious to point out?"
Faldashir has got some pretty serious injuries. Although you did address to an extent that his injuries should have been obvious and that Branston should have noticed them - I feel like you didn't really show them enough to the audience.
Bleeding is serious. In the heat of battle, with the adrenaline pumping, it's normal not to feel the complete extent of an injury. But if he's bleeding, you should show the audience in addition to this conversation - because it's important. We should have seen where he was injured in the battle, and we should have had a hint as to how bad. When Branston does finally notice the blood, the audience should be informed of how much blood there is, and from where.
Broken ribs hurt. Broken ribs hurt really bad. I cannot stress this enough. Faldashir (both in the first chapter and in this chapter) carries on relatively normal conversation with Branston after his rib has been broken, and we're just now seeing the toll that this has taken on him. Someone with a broken rib would not introduce themselves, carry on conversation, and wait for their companion to notice that their rib is broken. Depending on the severity of the break and the person's pain tolerance, they might not even be standing once that adrenaline wears off, wouldn't be speaking normally, wouldn't be walking without noticeable, distracting pain.
My suspension of disbelief was incredibly shaken at the part of the story that I quoted in the drop note, and you might want to either reconsider the severity of his injuries or go back and show the audience the damage he's taken earlier on rather than to have this exact section introduce it.
If he really is this injured, and he really can handle it that well, explain why. Hint at the years of training or the racial traits of spiritual fortitude or whatever it is that allows him to endure something this serious this well. If you have a reason for that, show the audience that you have a reason.
(It might also be important to note how Faldashir's injuries negatively impact my attitude toward Branston. I don't know if this is something that all reader's would feel - but it made me like him less, especially since I already felt like I was lacking empathy toward him at the end of the first chapter. I didn't find him to be relatable beforehand - and then this. He doesn't notice a serious injury for a long time after we're introduced to him knowing he's verye aware/alert, expresses his surprise poorly with very little consideration/compassion, and then doesn't make any effort to amend the situation before expressing his desire to take an injured man with him back to his house - a long distance away. Don't get me wrong, with the sort of situation he's in, a little self-absorption would be completely understandable, but without any strong emotional ties or formative, redeemable characteristics, I'm starting to like him less.)
Show, Don't Tell:
This is something that felt, to me, a lot more balanced in the first chapter. There was a good amount of descriptive language to dialogue/exposition (if anything it was weighted more toward the descriptive side) but I felt that this chapter was a lot less focused on showing things to the audience. That's something that generally, I'd like to see a little more of.
CONCLUSION:
Wrapping this up, I feel like you're doing well overall. There was one very specific and one general area that bothered me in this chapter, but structurally, it was still very sound. As I mentioned up in the things that I liked, I think it did most of what a chapter should do and most importantly, it fit in well with the story up to this point.
I hope that this was helpful, or at least an interesting third party perspective, and that you don't mind that I continue reviewing chapters. I do feel invested in the review process at this point, so hopefully this is beneficial. 
All the best,
-Cat
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