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Review Requests: OFF
1,621 Public Reviews Given
1,644 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I think my style is pretty honest. Though I try to find the good in everything, I give accurate ratings that express my opinion of a piece. Whether good or bad, you hopefully will understand my ratings by the end of the review. I give ratings that reflect the quality of the writing with 3 stars meaning "average". I only give 5 stars for items that I genuinely love or items that are more about effort than quality (i.e. folders, contests, forums, blogs, etc).
I'm good at...
Finding the most concise way to rewrite, tweaking structure and format, locating plot holes. Poetry reviews are my specialty. Quality-focused rather than meaning-focused.
Favorite Genres
Free Verse, Scifi, Horror
Least Favorite Genres
Romance, Erotica, Fantasy, Historical
Favorite Item Types
Anything with a short format suits me fine, as I adore short fiction (writing, reading, and reviewing). Book, static item... doesn't matter.
Least Favorite Item Types
Ummm.. Interactives & Campfires.
I will not review...
I generally don't do novel/script reviews unless I know the person. Short work is what I have time for and what I most enjoy.
Public Reviews
Previous ... 8 9 10 11 -12- 13 14 15 16 17 ... Next
276
276
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (2.0)
Welcome to WDC! *Smile* I hope you enjoy your time here!


What Caught My Eye

I saw this piece in a big list of items by new people. I just thought it sounded ambiguous. It could have been a story, poem, monologue, journal entry... anything, really. So, I decided to give it a look. I might change the title to remove the exclamation points, by the way. "Life: The Biggest Betrayal" is more professional. "Biggest" is a size too, so you might want to go with a synonym.

Favorite Aspects

I really enjoyed some of the figurative language used in this piece. It was quite poetic at times, and some of what you said has some resonance. "We flavor it with sin" is probably the best line in the piece.

Plot

This is where it gets tricky. This isn't really "fiction". It's more of a... well.. a messy stream-of-consciousness rant? There is no plot, no characters, no setting, no story at all. So from the "fiction" perspective, it fails completely.

Consistency

Okay, so your punctuation is consistent. It's just consistently painful to read. I'm sorry, but ................ and !!! and .............. and ...................................................................... and ............... !!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh wait, did I totally lose you? That is pretty obnoxious, right?. Why would you toss 5 periods here and 9 over there and pepper the whole thing with sets of exclamation points? Honestly, this would read better with no punctuation at all, which is sorta sad.

So, yeah. Totally ineffective and bordering on egregious use of punctuation. I would strongly recommend polishing this into a readable piece. Spare your readers the eye strain.

Effect

There is some tiny hints of genius in here. What you really had to say was interesting at times. It's the presentation that was difficult to get past. An endless list of sentence fragments separated by .............. and !!! does not make for a good read. No matter how good the ideas are, they cannot shine without being cleaned up so that reading them will be enjoyable (or even possible).


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277
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Happy WDC B-Day, Rob! *Smile*

I know you haven't been around for a long while now. This isn't your first extended absence, so I'm not dying of shock or anything... but I did notice pretty quickly that you'd disappeared. Hope all is well with you. *Heart*

Anyway, I saw you on the list of anniversaries in July and thought that was a perfect excuse so come review something in your port. As is so often the case, I read a poem... and another and another. It became clear very quickly that I should just review the entire folder. I mean, I have read quite a few of the items therein.

In short, these poems were awarded for a reason. You craft your poems very well, there is just no denying that. As far as the folder itself goes, I love the idea of collecting all of my awarded items in one place-- it looks awesome! If I did it, I think my by-year folders would get a bit messy with a bunch of poems gone. *Laugh* Anyway, much love... happy anniversary... and I'll look forward to seeing you when you come around again! *Smile*

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278
Review of Thrice Prompted  
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Happy WDC B-Day! *Smile*

I'm not sure if I've ever reviewed you before, but I knew I'd find something in your port that would be fun to look at. And, of course, if all else failed, I knew I could just review your group. I never got past the highlighted items because I hadn't seen this contest before. I don't write much in the way of stories, but I am an avid scifi reader and peruse entries to scifi contests. *Wink*

The prizes are nice. The page is laid out well. I do wish that I could see examples of the types of prompts you use (fantasy and scifi balance?), but it is really smart to take them down when the round is closed. As a contestant, I do write an occasional hard scifi piece, but it is super rare. Even if I did, I might be wary of going up against fantasy because, for me, they are best when entirely separate. Nothing ruins a good scifi story faster than too much fantasy. But then, I'm not a fantasy reader at all. *Laugh*

I think that genre contests are awesome, and this looks like a good one. Nice to see the Coffee Shop for... I mean, the FSFS coming up with new contests for the community. Keep up the good work and happy belated anniversary! *Smile*

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279
Review of My Series  
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Happy WDC B-Day for the... umm... third time? *Smile*

Okay, so I was pretty curious about the "series". My first and only thought really was scripts for some reason. *Laugh* I think that I might have landed on some decent advice for you in these reviews.

Your item descriptions are super vague at times. This is the second one that was unclear to me what would be in there. "A folder for all my [stories told in] series!" would make a big difference. For the song folder, "A folder for all my song [lyrics]" would work just fine. See what I mean?

Anyway, that's not a big deal. I just thought I'd mention it. You might want to make the item titles or descriptions clearer as far as which story belongs to which series too. Some of them are clearer than others. You might get more reviews if the descriptions said "Part 1", "Part 2" or something like you did with the Kronner stories. Some people on here do love to review serials and novels on here.

That's it. A little feedback but mostly just another quickie rating so that your folders wont be bare. 5 more purple stars coming your way, and I might do another... maybe. *Laugh*

*Confettig* *Giftv* *Confettiv* Happy WDC Anniversary from "Anniversary Reviews"  *Confettig* *Giftv* *Confettiv*

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280
Review of my scribbles  
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Happy WDC B-Day! *Smile*

I cannot believe that you have been here for a full year! It seems like you got here yesterday. Another little newbie all grown up! *Laugh*

Anyway, I thought that I'd come give you a review or two. For anniversaries, I like to review unusual items that no one ever thinks to review, like contests, activities, forums, and folders. Folders seem to be the most common actually, since they have tons of stuff in them and look totally naked without stars.

So, I've read a few of these stories since you joined. I'm not entirely sure which ones, but there is a whole lot of creativity and variety in here.

I think you're doing really well filling out your port too, since you've just been here for one year. I think that the effort definitely deserves some purple stars... so here you go! I'm off to review another folder or two, since you had some other unrated ones. Happy Anniversary, love!

*Confettig* *Giftv* *Confettiv* Happy WDC Anniversary from "Anniversary Reviews"  *Confettig* *Giftv* *Confettiv*

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281
281
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (2.0)
Welcome to WDC! *Smile* I hope you enjoy your time here!


What Caught My Eye

I was looking through newbie items and intended to read and review only poetry (that is normal for me), but the this title grabbed my attention. I figured that it might be interesting. After reading it, I had some things to say... so here I am. *Wink*

Plot

The plot is pretty slim. A mother and child are mugged, and strangers come to their rescue. It turns out they're not human, and the mother faints. That's the entire story. I think it could be much stronger. There is no big reveal or twist for the end, and if you set up the mysterious hidden stranger-heroes in the beginning, it stands to reason that the end should have some sort of reveal or twist or... something of more interest than mom fainting.

Consistency

Normally, I would mention any odd name changes, dropped details, and so forth. In this case though, the consistency issue for me was the constant dialogue. The pattern of "dialogue-details, dialogue-details, dialogue-details" became a bit too predictable for my taste.

Using dialogue to push the story along is good, but the structure here is so predictable that it's almost irksome.

Style / Tone

I think that stylistically, the piece could do more to engage the reader. For instance, the opening line isn't much of a hook and also sets a weird tone. If I read, "Ugh... I don't know who you are, but thanks", I hear sarcasm. "Ugh, thanks alot" and "Who do you think you are?" both come to mind immediately. It doesn't sound grateful. It also doesn't sound natural. Have you ever told a stranger "I don't know who you are"? No... because you both know that.

This type of slightly awkward dialogue happens throughout. The mother proclaiming that she can't handle this just before fainting seems unnatural (and also seems silly since we don't know what these "non-humans" look like at all-- what makes them faint-worthy?). Much of the dialogue has this sort of... static feel.

Effect

I think that the general premise here is good. Being "saved" by non-humans could make for an interesting story. I would consider using different techniques to engage the reader though. For instance, you called this Action/Adventure... so why not use some action? Open with the muggers actually robbing them and let the scene play out. Let the reader get mugged right along with the characters. That type of thing could make the piece much more interesting and engaging. *Thumbsup*


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282
282
Review of The Chosen Path  
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (2.0)
Welcome to WDC! *Smile* I hope you enjoy your time here!


What Caught My Eye

I was just looking through newbie items and saw the title, which is the type that could really be about anything at all. I like to be surprised. This could have been anything from an epic fantasy poem to a depressing poem about death. I like to take my chances I suppose. *Wink*

Favorite Aspects

The message is pretty positive. Determination, moving forward... I can get behind that general premise.

Language / Word Choice

There are some oddities in here. The first is in the very first line, which does not bode well. You used "trod" twice, and both uses are grammatically incorrect.

'Chose' is past tense, but 'trod' needs to be present tense for the same reason that you wouldn't say "to ate" or "to ran", you would not say "to trod". The present tense is "to tread".

Similarly, "I must trod" cannot use the past tense. It has to be "I must tread". If you don't like the sound of that, I suggest changing the word.

Double prepositions should probably be used sparingly. To me, they just stand out like a sore thumb, even when used well. "I walk on with determination"... 'on with' are two prepositions. I would tweak my phrasing here.

"I must engage in" is another that that stood out to me. Ending with a preposition usually means that something in the line is awkward. It is also conversational, while "I must" is not conversational.

Effect

I think this is an alright first draft, but there are definite areas for improvement. The word choice could be stronger and more deliberate. It need revision for grammar. There also isn't much figurative language or poetry technique here. The flow could be smoother as well. In short, I like the message, but it seems like a definite work in progress to me. So keep on it... play with it, experiment, and have fun revising. You never know how good a poem could be if you never revise. *Smile*


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283
283
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Happy WDC B-Day! *Smile*

I didn't know your anniversary was in July too! Go figure. *Laugh* It seems like a whole lot of my friends do have anniversaries in July for some reason. Anyway, I have like... 3 more reviews to write in the next half hour because I'm a horrible slacker. I figured folders and misc stuff for anniversaries was my only hope to get it done. So, here I am.

And, this folder has no stars, so you might as well have some. There is so much crazy stuff in here, love. I have a Misc folder... I just reviewed someone else's Misc folder the other day. But yours is WAY more "misc" than ours. *Laugh* Contests, c-notes (I didn't even know you HAD cnotes but not super surprised), bucket lists and trophies and tallies... jebus.

Anyway, it's always awesome to have a catchall, and this is certainly as crazy as that proverbial kitchen catchall drawer (of which I have more than one actually). There really is some great stuff in here though. I've participated, donated, or otherwise been involved with a number of them. Looks good, lady! Happy early anniversary! I'm going to raid some more of your stuff. Surely not everything here can have ratings!

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284
Review of 30DBC Items  
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Happy WDC B-Day... again! *Wink*

I decided to have a quick look through your port too. I was thinking... review your poetry books or something. You know, stuff that I read anyway. Then I saw this folder sans stars and though there is a nice balance in reviewing the 30DBC and then following up with the 30DBC folder.

They're like... sister reviews. I don't know what else to say about it though, to be honest. Ummmm... there might be some feedback I guess. Like, for instance, the forum page for the 30DBC is sort of long. You said you changed rules, and though I had read the rules all of one day prior, I could find no difference. *Laugh* That sort of thing I guess.

Of course, being that this is the longest-running blog group on WDC and that you're all laid back sorts, I don't think it matters much. Get a prompt, answer the prompt. That's as much as people really need to know in my opinion. Everything else is just gravy. Wow... feedback! *Wink* Alright, I'm out again! I might keep looking through your port or give it the old switcheroo. Not sure just yet. Have some purple stars! *Smile*

*Confettig* *Giftv* *Confettiv* Happy WDC Anniversary from "Anniversary Reviews"  *Confettig* *Giftv* *Confettiv*

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285
285
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Happy WDC B-Day! *Smile*

I was just adding my July 8 entry, and I knew your anniversary was near mine and thought it was in July. So, I gave your case a peek. I was right! Boom.

I thought that, since I have 5 reviews to give in the next ummm 40 minutes (hey, procrastination works, bro), that I would go ahead and reviews some quickies. Folders, contests, activities, etc. Might as well start with you. Maybe I'll go ahead and raid your port as well.

As a very new member of 30DBC, I'm still sort of... learning the ropes I guess. There are things that I forget pretty often. Like, what certain days really mean? And I haven't done a "Twofer" yet as far as I know...? *Laugh* Anyway, the blogging part, I've got a handle on. Gimme a prompt, I'll write the s*** out of it (starred that myself, by the way... considerate like that). *Wink*

Anyway, I'm enjoying it lots so far. It's more fun than I thought it would be. I wish I had more time to read ALL of the responses from other challengers, but you know... one thing at a time. Happy anniversary (if belated)!


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286
286
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello! *Smile* I am the poetry judge for the "Invalid Item" . I try to provide each entry with some feedback. This review is for your benefit only and does not necessarily have implications for placement in the contest, as it is not a comparison with any other entry.

Favorite Aspects

Well, what do you know? I'm reviewing you anyway! *Laugh* This is one of the contests that I always review (my section anyway-- the poetry). It isn't the story but hey... it's a review. *Wink*

This is funny! Like really really amusing. To be honest, when I saw the full caps and "U", I did not anticipate the poem being amazing. I should have known better (after all, you have done well in this contest before, right?). I'm particularly fond of the "My Grammar offered to pay my sin tax". Love the pin on 'Grandma' here... and grammar/"sin tax"? Super cute. People on a writing site are definitely a perfect audience for that sort of play on words.

Flow / Rhythm

So, I think that this is where the biggest issues lie. I kept having to reread lines. I'd read it, think "wait, what?", and have to read it again. After this happened over and over I realized that the starts and stops were from the words themselves or because it's more difficult to read 'U'. It's the flow. There are times when it just doesn't work well.

For example here:

I flipped over, and tried to live alone on a pier.
The restraining order clearly said: 'stay clear'.
But stalker genes seemed, to be in your DNA
As U renamed the whole marina a 'quay'.

That is a rough read. They aren't easy to get through because the rhythm is difficult. Of course, "I flipped over" didn't make much sense to me in context either (sort of a "belly up" thing?), but I'll let that go.

I flipped over, lived alone on a pier.
The restraining order read: 'please steer clear'.
But stalker genes creep through your DNA
As U renamed the whole damn marina a 'quay'.

Read yours aloud and then mind aloud and you'll hear the difference. Mine has as few minor half-beat hiccups too, but I didn't want to take too many liberties with your words, even for just an example. The key is to fall into a predictable rhythm with variations that the tongue and mind can easily follow. Like the natural slightly longer pause between "read:" and "please steer clear".

The other part is simple choose words that are easy to say together. "said: stay clear" is a bit difficult to say in the line itself. "Read" is a bit of alliteration with 'restraining' (a bit more effective than the 'said stay'). "Steer clear" seemed like an obvious choice, but in a comedic piece, rhyme for a** off! It wont hurt anything. "Please" is a nice added bit of assonance that I just couldn't resist, by the way.

So, you see what just a light bit of revision can do here? And while you're in there, you might see more of those facepalming-perfect changes like, say, stalker DNA 'creeping' instead of 'seeming'. It's the little things.

If you have trouble with the rhythm here, I might suggest setting the piece aside for a few months and then reading it aloud. Mark any place that trips you up-- if you wrote it and YOU tripped while reading, other people definitely will.

Effect

I think it's funny and clever! I wasn't expecting anything so amusing, though I really should have. Also... you slipped "quixotic" in there... with your handle, that might as well be a signature. *Wink* Anyway. Thanks for a thoroughly entertaining entry! Good luck in other WDC contests as well... we'll miss you at the Newbies ONLY.

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287
287
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (2.0)
Hello! *Smile* I am the poetry judge for the "Invalid Item" . I try to provide each entry with some feedback. This review is for your benefit only and does not necessarily have implications for placement in the contest, as it is not a comparison with any other entry.

Favorite Aspects

The sentiment is lovely! I am a mother myself, so I clearly relate. Your audience is very broad with a piece about parenting in general. The more people who will relate, the more people who will potentially have a strong connection with the poem.

Language / Word Choice

This is written in a pretty conversational way, which is fine. It is an "idea" poem where the message is the key. There is nothing wrong with that, but it is difficult to create a mood and be emotive without strong word choice. This is every day language that isn't super intriguing. The idea shines, but the words themselves just... don't.

I was a bit over the word "love" by the 5th line. The whole first half is laden with that one word. I might consider combining some of the lines to use the word fewer times, personally. Combining some of the lines also might lead to more poetic sentence structures. Right now, the structure reads like an essay more than a poem.

"There are many different kinds of love, but the love we have for our children is a very special love." That is a very matter-of-fact statement, followed by two phrases that could easily be added to the end of the sentence. They don't have a poetic ring to them.

"Locked in the corner of our heart" -- this is the lone bit of figurative language in the piece. It is also the closest to imagery you have here. It sounds like something I have heard many times before, but it does provide some poetic technique that is much-needed in this piece. On a side note, "heart" should be "hearts". Because 'our' is plural, 'heart' needs to be plural.

Flow / Rhythm / Voice / Originality

I'm lumping together a few other topics here just to touch on them briefly. Where the piece needs the most work is word choice. Paint us a picture, make us feel that love, use language that will excite or warm or otherwise touch the reader. But these are important aspects as well:

The flow and rhythm are alright, but the piece is mostly written in short, monosyllabic words. That gives the piece a rhythm that is very prose-like rather than poetic.

The voice here is indistinguishable from any other voice. Again, that is the matter-of-fact quality that could be improve through word choice and also line/sentence structure.

As for the originality, I guess I'll just ask: Is there anything in this piece that you haven't heard before?

Effect

I don't mean to discourage you at all. That is never my intention when I review. I think that the idea is a good one, and it has inherent power and a huge potential audience. That said, it is nearly devoid of poetry techniques and reads much like an essay or story but with poetry line breaks. It could use a bit of editing for grammar and such too, but I think you may want to play with these ideas a bit more first-- inject some passion with some interesting words.

Metaphors work perfectly for pieces like this. "There are many different kinds of love", for instance, might be compared to... a child's crayon box? Just as an example of what you could do (with any sort of metaphor): Types of love are as plentiful as the colors in our children's crayon boxes-- but our love for them is the prettiest shade of all. Instantly more poetic than just saying it outright. You see what I mean? What I wrote isn't poetry-- but the idea itself is poetic. Keep working on it, love! It will come with time (and you do still have a shot in the contest... this isn't a comparison of yours to anyone else's entry... just a critique of your work alone).


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288
Review of LONG WRITING  
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Happy WDC B-Day! *Smile*

I just thought that I would pop in and give you a happy and fast review for your anniversary, and I saw a "long" writing folder... so I had to give it a peek. I write decidedly short things, so I'm always impressed and intrigued when people write a bazillion and one novellas, novels, "short" stories that are 50,000 words, and the like.

Surprise! That isn't what this folder is about. *Laugh* Blogs and books and such also fit that description very well, but it had not occurred to me. I'm thinking that you're not a super avid blogger, but hey... blogging is blogging. You do it when you feel like it, and if you don't, you don't. I'm much the same. I will blog like gangbusters for a while and then not touch if for 6 weeks. Whatever.

I also think it's a nice idea to have a book just for writing down your books ideas. They tend to disappear sooner or later if you don't write them down. I have a real life writing journal for ideas, musings, and drafts-- without it, I'm lost. I have a similar one for poetry here on WDC too, actually.

Anyway, happy anniversary and keep on writing... when you feel like it! *Smile*

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289
289
Review of Poetry  
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Happy WDC B-Day! *Smile*

Oh, why not? What's one more review at this point? *Laugh* Just before I left your portfolio to poke around someplace else, I noticed that your Poetry folder doesn't have a rating either. So, I figured that I might as well.

Personally, I like that you separate free verse from form. I do the same. Well, technically, mine are separated into metered verse and everything else... and my "everything else" is pretty much entirely free verse. *Wink* Still, it's nice and helpful for people who happen through your portfolio.

You have some pretty nice variety in this folder too... prose poetry, multiple books and collections. It's probably better rounded than mine actually. I tend to do what I like to do-- which is not form poetry, and since that is what all of the big events here focus on, I don't take part in many I suppose.

Anyway (sorry to ramble... I do that), happy anniversary one more time! Probably the last time you'll hear it this year, since there's only half an hour left of it. *Wink*

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290
290
Review of Free Verse Poems  
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Happy WDC B-Day! *Smile*

I think that I have read your work before, but it honestly wasn't ringing any bells... which is why I ventured into your portfolio and started looking around. For anniversaries, I usually try to review people who I don't know super well and item types that don't get reviewed very often. I'm definitely familiar with you (you've been in my favorites list since you were a new newbie), but I couldn't remember reading your work.

So anyway, here I am. I saw a poetry folder and went for it, as I adore poetry. I saw a Free Verse folder and clicked without thinking twice, as that is my favorite means of self-expression when I write. Clearly, you are a pretty well-organized lady.

I read through a few pieces here. I have read "Blurs of White and Orange" before (possibly even reviewed it). I also read "Thief of Secrets" and a few others. They all looked sort of... familiar.

In the end, I would conclude that I 1. have looked through your port a before and 2. found my way to the exact same subfolder. *Laugh* What better thing to review, hmm? It looks a bit naked with no stars, so here are some purple stars for you. Happy 2nd anniversary! *Heart*

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291
291
Review of Contest Entries  
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Happy WDC B-Day! *Smile*

I decided to look through some portfolios that I've never really stalked before. I'm not sure if I've poked through your port at some point or not, but if so, I don't really remember reading any of your work. I've seen you around, but that's all I know for sure. So, I decided to investigate and landed in this folder because contest entries can be really quirky, short, and fun. I also love scifi and horror, and I know that CSFS supports speculative fiction too.

Anyway, I read through a bunch of poems, including "Ghost Town" and "Mind Stricken" since they're new. Quite nice, love. I also read through a few of your older stories. Interesting stuff. I have to ask: which contest were the chapters for? Just curious. I write more poetry than fiction, but there are only so many contests and activities on here for novels/novellas/long stories.

That's it! This is a nice folder packed with a nice variety of poetry, short stories, and longer works. It looked naked without some stars, so here are some stars. You also inspired me to go have a look at CFSF's contest(s). I'm not a member because I'm in a zillion groups already and don't write fantasy (just the occasional scifi and horror), but I do like looking through contests. Anyway, happy 5th anniversary! *Smile*

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292
292
Review of Miscellaneous  
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Happy WDC B-Day! *Smile*

So you did already have reviews on your flash fiction folder. A surprising number of them, in fact! *Shock* I think the most I have on any of mine is just one or two. Anyway, I decided to peek through your folders that didn't have ratings yet.

Dude. You write poetry? *Laugh* That was the first surprise in this folder. I had no idea that you ever dabbled with poetry, so that was a bit of a shock. Of course, since there are just a few tucked away in a "Misc" folder, I would guess that you don't write it much. Still, it's nice to have it represented someplace in your port.

You have an interesting assortment of items in here too. A campfire, and in & out... monologues and nonfiction and journals. I had fun looking through some odd bits and pieces. Compared to my Misc folder (and yes, who doesn't need one of these?), it is fairly similar. Just an odd mishmash of stuff that I just tossed in there because I know no one bothers to look. A few failed novels, newsletters, a crossword? You know. Just the fluff. Yours has more writing in it that I'd consider "real writing" than mine does.

So anyway, happy anniversary again! If I can't find anything else to review, I'll just come back and review your other naked folders because... well... because I can. *Wink*

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293
293
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Happy WDC B-Day! *Smile*

I've been to your portfolio before on a number of occasions. This time, I decided to poke through your flash fiction folder, and you do have some nice pieces in there. I nearly reviewed a few, but I know how much people love reviewing flash and poetry. Short equals a bazillion reviews, usually. Groups, contests, and so forth are often overlooked though. I thought perhaps I'd peruse the guild's group page again.

That is how I came to be here. I'm not a member (since I don't write stories often and don't write much genre poetry either), but I love seeing under-represented genres with their own groups and contests. It is a nice service.

I also think that it is a great idea to make no age restrictions for genre groups, if applicable. Steampunk can be a rather dark genre, so it could have gone either way. I'm pleased to see that you left it open for younger writers.

And that's about it! Happy Anniversary! *Smile* I might just leave you another for that flash fiction folder (the folder itself) if it doesn't have a rating. Folders with no stars look... naked. *Laugh*

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294
294
Review of Black Reality  
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (2.0)
Welcome to WDC! *Smile* I hope you enjoy your time here!


What Caught My Eye

The title is what caught my eye. I was looking through pages of newbie items because I like to review new people. I thought the title was interesting, but you're missing a golden opportunity to hook people with the description as well. People can see the creation date and the item type (Poetry) without you saying so in the description line too. I never spend much time of my descriptions either, but... just saying. *Wink* I know some people read only items with interesting descriptions.

Language / Word Choice

"This" is the topic of the poem. Which, to be honest, is 100% meaningless. As a reader, I could not connect with the poem, relate to it, or feel any emotion if I have no idea what you're talking about. I kept expecting to be enlightened by the end... it didn't happen.

Because you use 'this' in the opening line as a hook, I found it disappointing to never find out what it is. It was the only reason that I kept reading! It creates an "Oh, what happened?" moment... that just goes unanswered. Vagueness has its purposes, but this poem gives nothing to sink your teeth into.

"My outrageous longings. / These longings to know" is an awkward bit of repetition. "Longing to know" is a common phrase, while "Longings to know" is just awkward. You also have to use another pronoun (these). It is just not effective.

"is held" "will be held" -- passive voice. "what I HOLD" "I will hold"... much more engaging.

Where are the action verbs in general here? Will be, is, will be, is, is... none of these really pull a reader into a poem. Instead of, for instance' "in which nothing is determined", why not say "In which X determines nothing"? Again, give us some subjects other than just 'this' and 'that' and 'these', none of which mean anything. It will also help you create more action predicates.

Effect

Soo... sorry that my entire review is about just one thing. When writing poetry, words are your most basic tools. They alone convey the meaning, emotion, and power that you're trying to get across to readers. Choose them with care, and your results will be much better. I think that your writing shows promise though! *Thumbsup* Just keep working on it... this is what revision is for.

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295
295
Review of Devotion  
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Welcome to WDC! *Smile* I hope you enjoy your time here!


What Caught My Eye

I was looking through portfolios of new members just looking for something that looked interesting. Poetry, specifically. The 'left lung' bit intrigued me enough to give it a look. It has a clear poetic air about it.

Favorite Aspects

The message is very sweet. I love the sentiment, and honestly, the piece really is emotive. It has a peaceful, awed sort of vibe to it, which is perfect for this sort of piece.

I was also totally thrilled that this didn't turn out to be another mediocre love poem.

Flow / Rhythm

The flow is pristine! One of the best I have read on here for a while. It is lovely and smooth. People too often forget what an effect rhythm has on their poetry-- the light fluttery quality of the your rhythm is perfect for the subject matter.

And I will include this here, as I think that it has the potential to harm the flow. Your line breaks are entirely obvious and a bit stale. Line break - preposition - line break - preposition - line break - conjunction - line break - adjective. It reads very dull to me. Personally, I am a fan of strong word choice at the beginning of line more so than the end (though both beginning and end is ideal). Beginning dull and ending strong, as you did here, is tolerable with variation. Here, there is no variation. All predictable... ineffective in my opinion. I would change it if the piece was mine, but it will take very careful tampering to not damage the flow.

Imagery

There is no imagery in the piece whatsoever. I tend to view it as more than a simple poetic device and always miss its absence if a poem is entirely void of it.

Originality

The idea here is beautiful. It is reminiscent of many other poems I've read, but I haven't seen this specific use before.

I have no idea where else to mention this, so I guess I'll just throw it in here. It seemed odd to me to gather all of the adjectives in all of the languages-- and do nothing with them. You didn't tell the inhabitants those words. The message to the 'inhabitants' was very clear and seemed rather disconnected from the idea presented in the beginning. I might work a bit on the cohesion there.

Effect

Overall, I think this is a really sweet piece. It has lovely moments and the general sentiment is stunning. However, the line breaks are clunky at best, it lacks a single shred of imagery (a shame), and the end does not really relate strongly to the beginning. I'd see if I could tweak a few lines here and there. A couple of well-placed alterations could make a huge difference for this piece I think.

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296
296
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Happy WDC B-Day! *Smile* Ten years is an amazing stretch!

I thought that I would pop into your port and see if there wasn't something I could review for you, since today is your anniversary. You have a great deal to choose from, especially for a poetry lover.

After looking through folders, poems, and children's stories, I finally decided to review this folder. I think that folders look empty without ratings, and a whole lot of effort went into this one... because it is your published work. It takes effort to submit for publication. It takes that much more work to remember to put them all here in a folder on WDC (I'm terrible at organizing).

Anyway, I did peek through a few of the items included here, and I'm sure they're good. I'm not in the intended audience though (not religious at all), which is why reviewing the folder is probably more helpful. *Laugh* Anyway, congratulations on your many publications, and I hope that you have a wonderful tenth year on WDC! *Thumbsup*



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297
297
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
One more review for your anniversary! It turns out that I have a bit more time after all! *Smile*

I suppose that it is no surprise that I made a beeline for another poetry folder. Right? *Laugh* It is crazy that a folder containing so many 4.5 and 5 star ratings has no ratings itself. I'm just here to remedy that.

It is a good idea to divide your poetry into contest entries, contest winners, and the like. I never thought to do that when I was new, and now mine are all mixed up together. Hopeless! I have no idea which ones placed in contests or which contests they were unless they got awardicons. *Laugh*

Anyway, it is always a pleasure poking through your verse. I love it. *Heart* We are opposite sides of the same coin-- free verse and verse. That doesn't make me love your work any less. If I get another rating or two in later, that will be great. If not... happy anniversary, friend!



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298
298
Review of Poetry (Misc)  
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Happy WDC B-Day, Monty! *Smile*

Long time no speak, love! It feels like it has been years since we last spoke. Busy people... I guess our paths haven't crossed for a while. I hope all is well with you though. When I saw your name on the anniversary list, I knew that I had to come give you a quick review. When I got here though, I was totally shocked-- how has no one rated ANY of your folders? Just one folder with stars? That just... naked looking.

So here is one quick rating review. If I have time, I will go ahead and do some more of them. They just look so empty without them, after all.

Now, I cannot claim to have read all of the pieces in this folder. 51 poems is a pretty big time investment after all! *Wink* I have read enough of your work to know just from the titles that they follow your typical style and outlook-- and I know that I like that.

So happy anniversary, Monty my dear! I hope you have had an amazing two years, and I'm sure that you will have many more. *Heart*


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299
299
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Happy WDC B-Day, Laura! *Smile*

I know that if yours is here, then mine must be right around the corner. *Wink* We haven't spoken since, well, I don't know when, but I decided to give some anniversary reviews today-- just happy nice ones that are quick, cheerful, and not at all like my usual reviews. I try to do them once in a while-- reviewing item types that don't get much attention. Contests, activities, blogs, and of course folders.

I know that you are not much of a poet. No insult intended there, but I think you know what I mean. Stories and novels are really your focus, and to be honest, I had never read any of your poetry. I didn't know there was any to read, in fact. *Laugh* I am a big poetry fan, so it drew my attention.

You have an interesting variety here, and you actually write poetry quite well. Who knew? Personally, I think that it deserves 5 stars. So, happy anniversary, love! Have some purple stars! *Thumbsup*

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300
300
Review of Poetry  
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Happy WDC B-Day! *Smile*

I know that you just got bombarded with reviews from those crazy warriors over at GoT, so I will keep this short and sweet. I decided to give out some happy fluffy 5-star rating reviews today for people's anniversaries. It had been ages since I did Anniversary Reviews, and it seemed like time to me.

You know that I am a very much into poetry (both reading and writing it), so I always tend to gravitate to "Poetry" folders. I started poking around and discovered that I have actually been here before. At least, I have read some of these before. *Laugh*

This folder houses poetry spanning 10 years. That is a good run, and I think it deserves more than one solitary 5 star rating. People never think to review folders, which is why I try to do it now and then. This one is certainly a good one. Keep writing and happy anniversary, love! *Heart*

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