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1,621 Public Reviews Given
1,644 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I think my style is pretty honest. Though I try to find the good in everything, I give accurate ratings that express my opinion of a piece. Whether good or bad, you hopefully will understand my ratings by the end of the review. I give ratings that reflect the quality of the writing with 3 stars meaning "average". I only give 5 stars for items that I genuinely love or items that are more about effort than quality (i.e. folders, contests, forums, blogs, etc).
I'm good at...
Finding the most concise way to rewrite, tweaking structure and format, locating plot holes. Poetry reviews are my specialty. Quality-focused rather than meaning-focused.
Favorite Genres
Free Verse, Scifi, Horror
Least Favorite Genres
Romance, Erotica, Fantasy, Historical
Favorite Item Types
Anything with a short format suits me fine, as I adore short fiction (writing, reading, and reviewing). Book, static item... doesn't matter.
Least Favorite Item Types
Ummm.. Interactives & Campfires.
I will not review...
I generally don't do novel/script reviews unless I know the person. Short work is what I have time for and what I most enjoy.
Public Reviews
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326
326
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi! *Smile* I'm judging "Invalid Item"  for Round 66 and thought I should give everyone some feedback on their epistles!

Some things I Like:

So we meet again, Candy! *Laugh* It feels like I never get to review my newbies once they are no longer newbies.

I just wanted to give you a quick review here. There are lots of nice moments in this piece, as should be expected for a poem so long. You'd really be in trouble if there was nothing cool going on, right?

The piece definitely fits the form for the contest, which is good. The flow is nice, and the poem progresses nicely.

Observations & Suggestions:

This is a very conversational sort of poem, which is to be expected. I think that there is a whole lot of room to tighten up your phrasing though. It reads like a solid rough draft, but it doesn't feel like a revised, finished piece of work right now. Not a problem at all! You have all the time in the world for that. *Wink* An example:

"I was not certain what was going on with you.
Have you been in an accident?
Have you been seriously ill?"

So... these are decent points to make in the piece. They make perfect sense in context. But... do they sound like poetry? To my ear, not at all. You could be chatting on the phone and say the lines verbatim. Conversational is good, but word choice is word choice. Be deliberate.

"Have you been... Have you been" Those three words are boring, though functional. Is there some way to combine these questions so that they flow nicely without the added bulk?

The second two lines have a few strong words: accident, ill. The first line is the longest and doesn't have any strong words. A 10 word line without a real powerful/strong/emotive word is a line wasted in my book.

And this is basically what I'm talking about for the entire poem. I would consider rereading it with a critical eye, evaluating my word choice and looking to make the language more engaging. Right now, it is a nice narrative. It could be stunning with some revision. Just my two cents, for whatever it's worth. *Heart* Good luck in the contest, love! It is going to be a hard one to judge I think!

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327
327
Review of Tomorrow ...  
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, 🌕 HuntersMoon ! *Smile* I'm judging "Invalid Item"  for Round 66 and thought I should give everyone some feedback on their epistles!

Things I Like:

Another solid entry, Ken! I can't say that I'm surprised. I think that this fits the form very well. Poems that speak directly to the reader can be off-putting, but that certainly is not true of this piece.

The first stanza has some definite traditional phrasing that I personally enjoy. "And wonder at the world I've wrought" is, in particular, a strong traditional line. It sounds archaic in a good way. I can certainly appreciate that. The opening lines are also a very nice hook, which is something that I look for in any type of poetry. Catching a reader's interest is always a good thing, right?

Observations & Suggestions:

There were a few too many questions for my taste, especially in the first stanza. You used them to good effect, but it is still a whole lot of question marks! *Laugh* In general though, it is quite effective to open with questions and then answer them. You did that, either directly or indirectly, for each question.

The meter is a bit off at times. The "Will tomorrow it be there for you?" was the first that really threw me off the iambic rhythm. The syntax is slightly wonky, but I'm talking about the rhythm alone. It was not the first departure, but it was the first departure that was not smooth for me. Meter is not a requirement of the form, of course, but I thought that I would mention it.

The final line is slightly awkward. Love the meaning there, but it just seems off a smidge. Perhaps it is because none of the first four words would necessarily have heavy stresses... or maybe it is the monosyllabic words followed by a 3-syllable word that seems to drag. Not entire sure, but I might consider some minor tweaking in there. I can think of a few possible variations on that line, though none that I like well enough to suggest. I still think there is some very slight change that could be made there to smooth it without changing the meaning.

Anyway, thanks for another fine entry, good luck in the contest, and I'm sure I'll be reading you again soon. *Wink*


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328
328
Review of Just For Today  
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello, LiveToWrite ! *Smile* I am the poetry judge for the "Invalid Item" . I try to provide each entry with some feedback. This review is for your benefit only and does not necessarily have implications for placement in the contest, as it is not a comparison with any other entry.

Things I Like:

In many ways, this seems familiar. Perhaps I have read it before, as I did glance through the entries before sitting down to thoroughly read and review.

I think that there is a great hopefulness in this piece, and I also believe that many people will be able to relate on some level.

Observations & Suggestions:

Though I may have read this poem before, I believe there is another reason for the familiarity. There are some very old cliches floating around in here. "Oceans of tears" is one of the most common. Its placement in the opening lines does not bode well. It doesn't serve as much of a hook because people have probably heard it before.

I think that the final stanza is fitting for the piece, but it could be stronger or more resonant somehow. Perhaps it is the idea of 'remembering to breathe' that doesn't sit well with me. It is an involuntary action, breathing. And wouldn't that be even more fitting? "I will do nothing more that be still"... and allow my body to breathe. That makes more sense to me and is a stronger statement, but that's just my opinion.

You do have some strong word choice throughout, but it is a bit obvious sometimes. The razor's sting... the crumbling world... the carefully guarded defenses. These are all the most obvious modifiers for the subject matter, which also may lead to that 'I've read this before' feeling. Sometimes the unexpected will make a far greater impact.

Overall, I think that this is a nice piece. It held my interest and flows along well from beginning to end. I never found it striking or exciting or moving, but it easily could be with a little revision.

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329
329
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (2.0)
Hello, Burney ! *Smile* I am the poetry judge for the "Invalid Item" . I try to provide each entry with some feedback. This review is for your benefit only and does not necessarily have implications for placement in the contest, as it is not a comparison with any other entry.

Things I Like:

You have some interesting word choice here and there. The 'symmetrically aligned teeth' made me smile. *Wink*

Observations & Suggestions:

I have to say that, by the time I finished reading this piece, I never wanted to hear the words "I hate you" again. It is a juvenile sounding phrase to my ear anyway, and saying it 50 times in one poem throws away any remaining power that it might have had. I would strongly consider cutting every use of "hate" except for the opening and closing lines. The repetition is not effective at all.

Aside from the actual words, 'I hate you', the use of them seems to require you to repeat the words "you/your" over and over... as well as 'at my' and 'at me'. All together, the repetition is a killer. It sucks the life out of your poem and all of the strength from your words.

Varied structure and less repetition would be very helpful here, particularly if the piece is to sound like an adult rather than teen angst poetry. There is nothing wrong with the latter, but the audience is not very broad.

That said, I like the general idea here and think that many people could relate to feeling that they do not deserve or want love, affection, and dependence on someone else.

Overall, I think that there is a whole lot of room for improvement here. The piece could be strong. You have lots of great ideas. They are just being weighed down by phrases that, in the end, read like filler. "I hate you because... I hate you because... I hate you when... I hate you when... I hate you when... I hate you..." and so on and so on. It's filler, really. Cut some of the clutter and the meaning of your words will really shine. I'd love to see a cleaner draft, so hit me up if you decide to revise.

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330
330
Review of Poem of nonsense  
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, ~ IVELTAC ~ ! *Smile* I am the poetry judge for the "Invalid Item" . I try to provide each entry with some feedback. This review is for your benefit only and does not necessarily have implications for placement in the contest, as it is not a comparison with any other entry.

Things I Like:

Grrrrrrr! I just wrote you a nice long review, and it disappeared! *Shock* It isn't saved and didn't show up in my list of reviews. Thoroughly annoying, to say the least. So... I'll see if I can sort of summarize what I said before. *Facepalm*

In short, I dig this piece. I never expect to read a good poem with 'nonsense' in the title. Pretty often, they are barely readable. This was a very pleasant surprise. You have some great moments in here.

Observations & Suggestions:

The piece could use a basic edit. Adding the missing commas would make reading easier, and a quick 5 minute edit also would help you catch things like 'you will surly giggle' in the first line (surely, yeah?).

You used far more technique than I imagined for a piece like this, and to very good use as well! First, you didn't overdo it with the alliteration, which is appreciated. The rhythm is so distinct that it almost becomes a character. You have some great assonance in here. I especially like the ones used as internal rhymes, though they do not rhyme, clealy. "Snuggle with a puddle" is a perfect example of assonance used as an internal rhyme. Very cute line as well.

My favorite lines in the entire piece are:

"These things which I have told you will surely make you snap.
Slap the snapper with some clippers for the crowd will surely clap."

Excellent technique, perfect flow, and just all around great from a writing standpoint.

The last two lines have really REALLY awkward flow. I'd highly suggest editing those. A quick suggestion to get them back into rhythm:

"If you hold a cat on your lap, the crowd surely will be happy.
But the crowd's only happy if there's no bird named flappy."

This is still slightly awkward, but it is still much smoother than your original lines, and the meaning is the same. Also, you did you a contraction in the first line, so I saw no reason to not use them here.

Overall, I was very pleasantly surprised by this piece. It seems very simple, but it actually has some genius moments. Go figure! I don't know whether or not you intended to use some of these techniques. If not, you have one heck of an ear for poetry. Well done, love!

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331
331
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hello, ShannielleFaith ! *Smile* I am the poetry judge for the "Invalid Item" . I try to provide each entry with some feedback. This review is for your benefit only and does not necessarily have implications for placement in the contest, as it is not a comparison with any other entry.

Things I Like:

This piece has some nice sentiment. I like the general flow as well. It has some nice moments as far as word choice and phrasing go as well. I love the line break between the second and third stanzas as well.

Observations & Suggestions:

Some of the other line breaks seemed a bit obvious... Just a little perfunctory. I might take another look.

The tone is very conversational, which is fine. However, it leaves a whole lot of room to tighten up your phrasing. Examples:

"his breath / stayed hovering on my lips" -- It would be smoother and not harm the meaning to remove 'stayed' here... "his breath / hovered on my lips". On a side note, 'over' makes more sense than 'on' in this context.

"It's not that we fought. It's just that / I learned that I could" -- This is very clunky for what you're saying. At the lease, 'just' serves little purpose here. Three uses of 'that' in such a short space is a huge indicator that it could be simplified.

These are just a few examples. Cutting down on the uses of 'you' at the end would help as well. Combine some of these ideas a little more to use your space wisely.

The first three lines of the third stanza make little sense, by the way. He left you. It's not that you fought. Okay... this sets up a "It was THIS that caused him to leave" line. Instead, we get an "I learned I could walk away from him". What? He left you... because you learned that you could leave him? It's odd.

Overall, I think the piece has some strengths and some weaknesses. Some revision could help smooth it out and improve cohesion, particularly as this is a narrative. The story aspect should be clear enough to readers so that they have some hope of relating. On an unrelated note, the opening lines reminded me immediately of Melissa Ethridge's "I'm the Only One" and Alanis Morissette's "You Ought to Know". I guess all of the 90's comeback music is getting into my psyche. *Wink*

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332
332
Review of Little Brother  
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, August Leaf ! *Smile* I am the poetry judge for the "Invalid Item" . I try to provide each entry with some feedback. This review is for your benefit only and does not necessarily have implications for placement in the contest, as it is not a comparison with any other entry.

Some things I Like:

This is super cute! I can totally imagine a young child laughing at parts of this. I know that any mention of "poo" in a poem tends to go over well with some kids. It was a good idea to go through lots of things that babies can't do (walk, talk, chew, etc) while throwing in some expectations that are fanciful. Saying "I can do arithmetic", for instance, immediately brings to mind a baby trying to do arithmetic because you had done many comparisons already. It's adds to the poem's charm.

Observations & Suggestions:

I thought that the ending was going to have a stronger warm and fuzzy moment. The moment is there, but it wasn't super warm or funny or cute or... memorable. I might spend a little more time on that. For a child to understand the change at the end, it has to be blatant. Currently, it might confuse them a little bit. They might wonder why the kid is going to drop everything to go play with the brother she doesn't like.

There are some flow issues throughout. Most are not major, but there are a few that are bad enough to demand revision for me. I would set the poem aside for a few months and then read it aloud with fresh eyes. You will hear for yourself where the flow issues are because your voice will falter when reading it. I will point out one or two though:

"Well, he just came here and hugged me" --- too long. Cut the "Well" or the "came". "Well, he just came and hugged me" works just as well for meaning and the flow is 100% better.

"and I don't need help to shower" --- Easy fix, "and don't need help to shower". Flow is totally fixed, and the line is pretty much identical to the original. These are the types of teeny tiny tweaks that will vastly improve the poem. Setting is aside for a while and reading it usually does the trick, so I highly recommend it.

Overall, this is a nice poem for children. I think that the intended audience will like it, and the poem has clever moments too. It needs some general polishing, and the end needs some punch. Otherwise, quite good! Thank you for entering! *Smile*


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333
Review of Childhood Dreams  
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello, little-ronnie ! *Smile* I am the poetry judge for the "Invalid Item" . I try to provide each entry with some feedback. This review is for your benefit only and does not necessarily have implications for placement in the contest, as it is not a comparison with any other entry.

Things I Like:

This is a cute piece. The topic seems fitting for children, which may have been your intention here? The imagery is pretty strong at times, and it is all the type that a child would like. It would also be easy to illustrate.

Observations & Suggestions:

The flow is a little rough at times. Mostly from slightly awkward phrasing. A few examples:

"dreamed of cowboy hats and a cap pistol gun" -- this one seems a few beats too long to flow with the line before it. I love the 'cap pistol gun', but pistol and gun are synonymous. I'd cut 'pistol'. Also, it should be "guns". Multiple boys dream of multiple cowboy hats and one single gun? Not likely.

"I still hear my mother saying 'Son You're insane!'" -- This is very very long for the flow as well, which is odd to me because there are so many ways to say it. Some gentle rephrasing here would help. Things like "mom" instead of "mother" or skipping "my" (since it is implied that it is her mother) could help, but you could also just rework the line. These are just a few of the flow issues. If you put the poem aside for a few months and then read it aloud, it might be easy to find them.

By the time the poem ended, I was sick to death of the word 'dream' and all of it's variations. For a children's poem, the repetition is good. If your audience is adults, I might consider some synonyms or just reworking lines so that they don't require the use of 'dream' all the time.

Overall, I think this is a cute piece. I like the overall theme and the details (riding the tractor, cowboy hats & cap guns, etc). There is definitely some room for improvement and general polish, but this is a very nice draft.

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334
334
Review of The clocktower  
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (2.5)
Welcome to WDC! *Smile*

Things I Like:

The flow is good, and you have some decent word choice here and there.

For a stream-of-consciousness type of piece, it stays on topic well.

Observations & Suggestions:

I think that the repetitive nature of your ideas could have felt clock-like, but they just got tedious for me. In the first three lines, these are all pretty much the same thing: never stops, ticking away, never stopping. I nearly said aloud, "Okay! I get it!" Not the best hook.

In general, I think that conciseness would be much much better for this poem. It just felt like I read the same thing over and over and over and over and over. Brevity could make a statement all on its own-- that time is short. You don't want readers to feel like they just wasted their time reading the same thing over and over in a poem about how time keeps draining away. As a technique, it failed. Creating a droning quality could be effective, but not by saying the exact same thing time and again.

So, here are a few examples of the needless repetition that could be tweaked easily.

That "never stopping" line could be cut... both at the beginning and end. It is over the top in both cases and doesn't add meaning or strengthen the effect.

"Telling the time
The time of life
The time of death"

Using 'the time the time the time' is not pleasant to the ear. We understand that you're talking about time... the entire POEM is about time! Regardless, using "the time" just once would be an improvement. "Telling the time / of life / of death" or "Telling the time of / life and death" or any number of other things would be nicer there.

On a side note here, using "time of death" early in the piece removes any impact that the "spins til you drop" line at the end. Oh, and it is "til" not "till", by the way. "Till" is something you do to a garden. "Til" is the shortened form of "until".

Overall, I love the theme, and some of the individual ideas are nice. As a whole though, the poem actually managed to annoy me. Readers are not slow... they will understand it without being beaten over the head with the same concepts. Just my opinion, but I am very sensitive to repetition-- if it isn't done well, it drives me nuts. *Wink* I think that it would be much more effective to clear out the clutter and let the few original lines shine.

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335
335
Review of Short Poem  
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (2.0)
Welcome to WDC! *Smile* I hope that you're enjoying yourself so far and finding your way around the site alright. It can take a little getting used to, but it's worth it.

Things I Like:

There is something endearing about a poem that is short and sweet. *Wink* I like a concise message, personally. I think that the length is just fine, regardless of what else you might hear on the topic. Some people are long-winded and prefer for every else to do the same. *Laugh*

I like the last line. Music "motivates the inner child". It's cute and an interesting idea.

Observations & Suggestions:

The biggest issue for me is the other two lines. Both of them are generic types of phrases that I have heard before. The first line is especially common... it could describe anything from a cup of soup to a prayer. For me, that is just ineffective writing.

The "............." punctuation is a wee bit annoying. Three periods is a sign of continuation. One period ends a sentence or fragment. What do 6-7 periods mean? That someone's fingers got stuck usually. *Wink* For a piece like this, I think that no punctuation would make the most sense. OR You could make "MUSIC" part of the poem.

Music

comforts the soul,
inspires the mind,
and motivates the inner child.

That is a complete sentence that is punctuated in sentence-style. Perfectly acceptable.

If you don't really want the "music" to be part of the poem (as I assume it is not really), I would drop the "and" from the final line. If it isn't a sentence, it doesn't need the and. It will be stronger if it is straight to the point.

Overall, this is a cute little piece. I like the last line, but I would definitely think of something else for the first two... something original. Perhaps you could use child-like imagery (security blanket, thumb sucking, mom hugs, whatever) in the first two lines and then drive the whole point home with the final line. Seems like that might be effective but, perhaps more importantly, original.


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336
336
Review of Ashes  
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
Welcome to WDC! *Smile* I hope that you're enjoying yourself so far, and if you have any questions, feel free to ask!

Things I Like:

You have some nice word choice! Strong word choice counts for a whole lot with me.

The flow is pretty good as well.

Observations & Suggestions:

You love -ing words, huh? Almost every line in the first two stanzas uses one, and it gets a bit boring. They began sticking out like sore thumbs every time you used one after that. Most of the time, a simpler form of the verb will make for a more active read anyway. For instance:

Hot emotion boiling inside
Bottles clinking, desperate eyes

What's wrong with "emotion boils" and "bottles clink"? They don't change the meaning of the lines. Some of these types of substitutions would help vary the phrasing more and make for a more engaging read.

There are some grammar issues in this piece that make meanings less than clear.

Her final words slipped out that night
Laden with scars of the last five years

Just an an example here... the night is laden with scars. That's what it actually says because that is what the grammar tells the reader. This is a dangling modifier... "laden with scars" is supposed to modify "words," but it is placed within the sentence to modify "night". In most instances of this sort of error (and there are others), the lines are twisted for 'poetic effect'... it is ill-advised. I'd consider writing out each statement as you would write a sentence to see how they would normally look. It might help you sort out the grammar.

Punctuation is actually very helpful for readers too, by the way.

So... what happened to the rhyme scheme? It's as though you thought about rhyming, tried it a few times, and just gave up. I found it distracting, wondering if this stanza would rhyme or not. I would eliminate the rhyme in the first stanza. It sets up the wrong impression of the poem in this regard. You're not rhyming consistently, and it will be less likely to annoy people if you don't start out with a strong rhyme.

Overall, I think that the piece could use some work. Still, it's a decent rough draft. Keep at it! *Smile*

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337
337
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Things I Like:

"She was eyes wide, legs crossed" was the real hook for me in this piece. The first stanza didn't wow me or move me... or act as a hook. It didn't grab my interest. The second stanza is 100% stronger in the "hook" category.

I think that your poem is a stronger write than the song lyrics (which aren't spectacular). I didn't read the description until I had read the poem. I wondered if it had anything to do with the song and was amazed that it did. *Laugh*

You have some strong imagery in here too. I love the 'lips chapped and hair matted' in particular. The last two lines of the third stanza are intriguing as well.

Observations & Suggestions:

I don't think that slant rhymes work very well in this piece. The rhyme scheme is all over the place. The first stanza is aabb (sort of, as breathe/bleed are slant), which immediately changes to cded and continues on for a few stanzas before hitting the long fifth, which has only ONE true rhyme and two very VERY slant rhymes.

The effect? I thought you just abruptly stopped using rhyme. It became a distraction while reading... bordering on annoyance, in fact. I wanted to slap the real rhymes right out of there so that I could just read the poem without the irritating "Oh wait, that was supposed to rhyme?" followed by rereading of the prior two lines. Best advice: drop the rhymes completely or make it obvious where the rhymes ARE so that it doesn't just disappear and reappear. Slant rhymes are my favorite type of rhyme, but they don't work here.

The "in her soft sweet voice kept humming her sweetest lullaby" is an awkward line. The syntax is all sorts of wonky. *Laugh* I had to read it like 5 times before I could make heads or tales of it because the grammar is questionable. I might consider revision for clarity rather than content.

Overall, I think the piece was a super fun read... but for the rhymes, which drove me more than a little nuts. Still, great entry! Good luck with the contest!


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338
338
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (2.0)
Hello! *Smile* I am the poetry judge for the "Invalid Item" . I try to provide each entry with some feedback. This review is for your benefit only and does not necessarily have implications for placement in the contest, as it is not a comparison with any other entry.

Things I Like:

I do love prose poetry in general. It is a great format that I have used many times myself, and some of my favorite poets are prose poets. *Smile*

The topic here is one that any parent could relate to, whether mother or father. That is a broad audience!

The ideas expressed here seem like honest reflections, which is very nice. It isn't pretentious or self-conscious.

Observations & Suggestions:

Prose poetry is one of those fine lines... it has to be a fairly even balance of poetry and prose to qualify, and different people may hold differing opinions on whether a piece falls into the category or not. Personally, I do not think that this is poetry. There is nothing poetic about the phrasing at all. It sounds much more like the introduction to a short story at the moment.

If you truly want this to be viewed as a poem, it will need extensive revision just to tighten the lines and make the words sing. An example (just one):

"Giving in occasionally is not a bad thing, as long as it's only every now and then"

What are the interesting words here? "Occasionally" is sort of interesting. Every other word here is used in every day conversation. There is no intrigue or hook. Poetry requires thoughtful word choice. Here are some ideas:

"Giving in" - submission, surrender, concede... these are just a few more interesting words that mean the same thing but are far less conversational.

"a bad thing" - "thing" is pretty much definitive of a boring word, yeah? I'd just drop it. Instead of "a bad thing", I would shoot for "is not tragic" or negative or dreadful or some other "bad" sort of word.

"only every now and then" - Super bulky! You used 'occasionally' already, which makes this repetition not so effective for me anyway, but... there are so many other words that mean 'occasionally' and are not this long, dull phrase. Sporadic is probably my favorite of them. It looks great and sounds awesome in my opinion. Or maybe 'seldom', which is also a nice looking word (but with a much softer sound).

Anyway, I think that this piece shows great promise, but do you see what I mean about not being poetry? If you say something the way you would tell me over the phone, it is hard for me to view it as poetry. There are some nice ideas in here, and the piece could be revised to become either flash fiction OR poetry. Right now, it's neither. I rated the piece as a poem, but if you decide to revise, I would happily give it another look and change my rating as needed. If you want some extra help or advice with that, just ask! Happy to help! *Smile*

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Review of 6 a.m.  
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Welcome to WDC! *Smile* It is great to see new people submitting their writing, and I hope that you get lots of feedback to help in your revisions.

Things I Like:

This is the type of poem that everyone will be able to connect to on some level. That is a good thing in general because it means that you may have a broad audience.

The first line is one of the best and serves as a nice hook, enticing readers to continue reading the piece.

Observations & Suggestions:

There is some strange syntax in this piece. Grammar is not everyone's strongest suit, but it matters. It is especially important when it interferes with the meaning of a line.

"But I cannot move the silence is pulling me"

This is an odd sort of run-on. I would be all for this line if the line breaks were different and you meant 'But I cannot move the silence. The silence is pulling me." That is a technique that I absolutely adore. Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure that isn't what you intended. Thus, it is just an awkward run-on sentence. "...cannot move. The Silence..." would fix the problem. There is nothing wrong with ending a sentence mid-line either.

I'd suggest a comma after "warmness", which seemed like an odd choice to me. It can be used interchangeably with 'warmth' most of the time, but it is more awkward for me personally.

Comma after 'entrance' as well-- compound sentence. I do love this line, by the way.

"I am submerged" is passive voice, which isn't usually as effective in poetry when compared to active voice. "______ submerged me" rather than "I am submerged" uses a stronger verb rather than "am", which is dull.

"in a comatose like state" -- This phrase struck me as strange. It is bulky for what it says. It isn't really a poetic sort of phrase, and it brings to mind immediately "sleep"... which is at once what you meant AND a non-bulky phrase. "submerged again in sleep" means the same thing and is not awkward at all. Just my two cents. I like the general idea, but the structure isn't doing the line justice. If you really love it and want to keep it, "comatose like" should be "comatose-like"... a compound adjective.

The last line is very conversational compared to the rest of the poem. "World I took sight of is" -- that is a line that someone would say, not write. "The world of which I took sight is" would be the proper way to write it, but it would be an awful ending for a poem. I would consider revising this last line a little, as it could carry a good deal of resonance, but currently, it falls flat.

Overall, I think this is an alright rough draft. You have some lovely moments (the first two lines, the leaves knocking), but the grammar issues were difficult to overlook for me. I had to take the time to figure out where lines ended, reread lines that make no sense without commas and so forth. Light revision would solve those issues, but there is still room to play with some of the ideas in here. Stating things a different way (like the comatose line) may make a stronger statement and give the poem a more polished feel.



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Review by Cinn
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)

Hi, Monty! We haven't had many opportunities to talk recently, but I decided to spread a little holiday love today, reviewing some folders that never seem to get reviews. *Wink*

Clearly, these pieces are awarded for a reason. I had read many of them before today (either because we had discussed them before or I judged them in some contest or other), but I did peek at a few before reviewing. Lovely poems, as is usual for you.

So that's it. This folder contains some beautiful pieces from an amazing person and is very much deserving of some pretty purple stars. *Smile* Happy holidays, love! *Snow5*


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Review by Cinn
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I've been poking through portfolios today, trying to review unusual things. Incomplete poetry snippets or book blurbs or item types that don't get many reviews. Needless to say, I have reviewed quite a few folders today... they are so overlooked and look decidedly strange without stars.

So, here is a quickie review! *Smile* This folder is very impressive to me. I have a short story folder that has only a small fraction of the work contained in this one, and they were written over the same span-- 2009 to 2014. Mine are flash fiction as well, for the most part. Here is the difference, and it is a big one: Mine contains every single story that I have written in the past 5 years-- and contains 19 items. *Laugh*

Basically, I'm impressed at the volume here. And in just one of your folders! It came as little surprise that there is quite a nice variety of genres in here, though it is clear that you tend to go for experience, family, and the like. I'm surprised that you've received what looks like hundreds of reviews for the stories but haven't had a review for the folder. *Facepalm* So here you are... some stars for an impressive aspect of your portfolio! *Smile*


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Review by Cinn
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Alexi! *Smile* I think that I've only ever read your poetry, so I decided to peek through your short stories. There is a nice variety in here. Then, I realized that this folder is at the very top of your portfolio and had no ratings. It looks a wee bit naked without some stars below it, so I thought I'd shoot you a quick review.

As I said, there is a good variety of stories in this folder. It is always nice to dabble in lots of different genres (something that I should probably do more myself). Personally, I also like the lengths. Most of the pieces are quite short, which is preferable for me. I love flash fiction in general. It is an amazing format.

That's about it! I just wanted to slap some clothing on your nude folder. *Laugh* So here are some purple stars just for you. *Wink*


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Review of I live in my Car  
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Wow. Who could resist reading this piece? Clearly, the title caught my attention when I meandered into your portfolio. To be honest, I half expected something so exaggerated that it reads as fiction. Instead, I found something that is very realistic and seems really true. I was also surprised that the tone is so upbeat... a pleasant surprise.

I have noticed here that there are many homeless people who no one would guess are homeless. It is amazing what amenities are really out there. Thank you for updating the piece, by the way. It is nice to know that you got back to that "normal" lifestyle.

As for the writing, it could use a grammar edit. However, the style is so very conversational that I think it is forgivable for the most part. *Wink* The words themselves aren't as engaging as the content, and I am a sucker for beautiful phrasing. Still, it was a very nice and uplifting sort of read. Thank you for sharing it with us! *Heart*


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Review of Dumpster Diver  
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
It has been a long while since I've talked with you I think, and even longer since I reviewed you! *Laugh* Time gets away from me sometimes. Anyway, here is a quickie review for you!

I do love these short contest entry stories. Flash fiction is one of my favorite types of story, to be honest. They are perfect for creative a slice of life that can be very powerful... or funny or scary or anything else you can imagine.

The piece has not been edited since you wrote it, but it could use a polishing. I noticed quite a bit of passive voice in here. Things like the "were forming" and "was growing" would read a little nicer as 'had formed' or 'had grown'... just a little tighter. There are other random grammar issues here and there. For instance, the split infinitive "would soon be falling" rather than "soon would be falling" (or without the passive voice -- "soon would fall").

Of course, pieces like this are really all about the story itself, right? I think that this is an interesting slice of life piece. It doesn't have a plot, but I don't think it needs one either. The setting is a bit light, aside from the weather, and I felt like it would have been cool to see the guy in action a bit more. Still, there is only so much you can do with a very short flash piece.

I will say that I think his character could be stronger. Aside from homeless and living in poverty, I don't know much about him. Like, he isn't so much a person as a character type. "Homeless guy" isn't a personality really.

Still, I think this was a decent read! I like some of the details. If you get bored some time (or suffer from the dreaded writer's block), you might want to give it another look. This could be a brilliant rough draft for a sparkly diamond of a story. *Heart*


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Review by Cinn
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I try to take opportunities to review item types that often go unreviewed... like contests, activities, and especially folders. It always amazes me to find folders, like this one, that have had 100 reviews for the contents and zero reviews for the folder!

This folder caught my eye because I find nothing so poignant as a well-written 'horrors of war' story or poem. I have always been interested in the emotional, dramatic, and tragic side of war whether it gives me chills or makes me cry. I adore war fiction and poetry (huge fans of many writers such as Ambrose Bierce and Siegfried Sassoon, to name just two). I also love old protest songs (Phil Ochs is my hero), so I was obviously drawn immediately to the title of this folder.

As I began perusing some of the offerings here, I realized that I had been here before. I don't recall ever reviewing you before last month's What a Character contest, but I have read your work before. Sneaky like that, I suppose?

Anyway, you capture some lovely and sad slices of military life here, and I think that it certainly deserves to have 5 purple stars in your port. *Heart* Cheers!


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Review by Cinn
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I have been trying to review more contests, folders, shops, and other types of items that no one ever seems to review. I quite like getting them myself, so I assume that other people like to receive them too. When possible, I especially try to review folders. Folders look naked to me without ratings.

This might be an odd choice for me. I am as far from 'spiritual' as a person can get. However, I very much appreciate the hard work and effort that you put into the pieces in this folder. They are clearly a 'labor of love', as the saying goes. And there are SO many too! The volume and quality are quite impressive!

So... here is a quick rating for you. This folder certainly deserves it!


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Review by Cinn
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Folders look naked without stars, do they not? I have been making a bigger effort to review folders, contests, auctions, etc because somewhere along the line, I realized that I love getting them myself. *Smile* So here is a quickie review and rating.

It is lovely that you kept all of these writings in one place. Losing a parent is such a monumental occurrence in a person's life that it seems right for a writer to work through it in words and keep them. What you wrote may even help someone else who feels alone and has more difficulty expressing it that you do.

Basically, I appreciate the content here (especially "Beyond Caring" ), and as the pieces were written recently, I'm sorry for your loss as well. *Heart*


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Review by Cinn
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi! *Smile* I'm judging "Invalid Item"  for Round 65 and thought I should give everyone some feedback on their synchronicity poems!

Some things I Like:

Nice narrative here, Dave. It tells a very clear story. The flow is nice as well. I also appreciate that you took a very different approach to the prompt. I love your use of the apple. The last stanza in relation to the prompt image is particularly interesting.

Observations & Suggestions:

The narrative sort of took over multiple stanzas of the piece. The second stanza, for instance, has no strong emotive quality and no amazing word choice. It drives the narrative forward, but it wasn't very interesting.

You have some nice contrast moments as well, but the contrasts themselves did not seem new to me. "Dark shadows" and "bright rays of success"... cute but I felt like I've read it before. The 5th and 6th stanzas also provide a nice contrast and change in tone, but the phrasing itself seems very familiar. Hungry eyes, crashing the party, arm in arm... I do quite like the 'waltzing across the stage of life' though. It is sort of old Hollywood dramatic as well.

The last two stanzas have a little twist to them, but it is not super evident. The 6th stanza was already taking a darker turn, so it seemed rather gradual in its progression.

Overall, I think it was a nice read. It didn't move me necessarily, and it isn't the strongest that I have read from you. However, it does serve its purpose for the contest itself, and the use of the prompt is one of the more unique and clever that I have seen thus far. Basically, it is a pretty solid piece, but there is room for improvement if you choose to revise it sometime.

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Review by Cinn
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am reviewing your story as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" .
Thanks so much for entering!


Some things I Like:

There are some cute ideas in this piece. I don't read much werewolf fiction, but there seems to be a freshness about some of the details as well. A werewolf who writes children's book? I can honestly say that is a new one for me.

Observations & Suggestions:

There doesn't seem to be much rhyme or reason to when the character tells us which things. That basically means that it doesn't feel like it progresses steadily as a story. Even a narrative character study can be a story.

I think it's interesting that we never learn the character's name as well.

The intro could be stronger. The first paragraph seemed to go on for a while, which was a nice contrast with the short "I am a werewolf" line. That much of it worked, but the first paragraph's content was not much of a hook. *Wink*

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Review of Introducing Falco  
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am reviewing your story as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" .
Thanks so much for entering!


Some things I Like:

The letter is a creative way to go about this narrative. It works well.

The writing itself is quite solid and eloquent, which seemed fitting too.

Observations & Suggestions:

I thought it was slightly odd that "The Ghost Hawk, though as no one technically knows who that is - that is to say, me" but the Ghost Hawk is legendary. It seemed... just a little strange to me I suppose.

Equally odd in the beginning is the use of "stupid" immediately after words like "officious". That seemed a bit out of character tome.

Toward the end, I was surprised at the mention of his horse and nature because they seemed off-topic. After rereading the reason for the letter, they do fit the purpose of 'describing a hero'. Perhaps they just seemed tacked on rather than flowing within the narrative?

Anyway, a nice entry! Good luck!

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