*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/counselormom/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/8
Review Requests: ON
1,419 Public Reviews Given
1,796 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... 4 5 6 7 -8- 9 10 11 12 13 ... Next
176
176
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear Kristina,

** Image ID #1536806 Unavailable **
Hello! I am reviewing your piece for the Simply Positive Newbie Reviewers Group. Remember that the opinions that I express are mine, as a reader on this site. I am certainly not an expert, but I do enjoy reading! I hope that you will find this review helpful.

Overall Impression: I enjoyed your poem. Lovely imagery accompanies this legend of the Cherokee. It tells of the timeless struggle of good vs. evil that lies in each of us. Good job!

Suggestions: None. I did not notice any spelling errors, nor errors of any kind, for that matter.

Please allow me to encourage you to continue to write and enjoy all that WDC has to offer!

Regards,
Nani



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
177
177
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Dear Cherry Mac,

** Image ID #1536806 Unavailable **
Hello! I am reviewing your piece for the Simply Positive Newbie Reviewers Group. Remember that the opinions that I express are mine, as a reader on this site. I am certainly not an expert, but I do enjoy reading! I hope that you will find this review helpful.

Overall Impression: I enjoyed your poem. Your imagery is beautiful. You paint lovely pictures with your descriptive words. The piece flows well.

Suggestions: None. I did not notice any spelling errors, nor errors of any kind, for that matter.

Please allow me to encourage you to continue to write and enjoy all that WDC has to offer!

Regards,
Nani



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
178
178
Review of Winter Colors  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Dear NRB,

** Image ID #1536806 Unavailable **
Hello! I am reviewing your piece for the Simply Positive Newbie Reviewers Group. Remember that the opinions that I express are mine, as a reader on this site. I am certainly not an expert, but I do enjoy reading! I hope that you will find this review helpful.

Overall Impression: I enjoyed your poem. The flow is smooth. The word choice is good, and your imagery paints a vivid picture.

Suggestions: None. I did not notice any spelling errors, nor errors of any kind, for that matter. I was slightly disappointed though in the fact that only white and pink were the colors you chose to mention. From your description of what the poem was about, I expected more color. That is NOT to say that it isn't a good piece.

Please allow me to encourage you to continue to write and enjoy all that WDC has to offer!

Regards,
Nani



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
179
179
Review of Lilac Time  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.
Hello! I am reviewing your piece for the Simply Positive Review Group. Remember that the opinions that I express are mine, as a reader on this site. I am certainly not an expert, but I do enjoy reading! I hope that you will find this review helpful.

Overall Impression: What a beautiful picture you have painted in this short piece. Great job, Fyn!

Suggestions: *Smile* None.

Please allow me to encourage you to continue to write and enjoy all that WDC has to offer!

Regards,
Nani

** Image ID #1645012 Unavailable **
Image for House and Garden

Created by our dear talented Gothic Angel
180
180
Review of Sin City  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.
Hello! I am reviewing your piece for the Simply Positive Review Group. Remember that the opinions that I express are mine, as a reader on this site. I am certainly not an expert, but I do enjoy reading! I hope that you will find this review helpful.

Overall Impression: Good beginning. I think you should pursue this and make it into a longer tale about the relocated serial killer. It reads like a good Dean Koontz thriller.

Suggestions: *Smile* None.

Please allow me to encourage you to continue to write and enjoy all that WDC has to offer!

Regards,
Nani

** Image ID #1645012 Unavailable **
Image for House and Garden

Created by our dear talented Gothic Angel
181
181
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
** Image ID #1518015 Unavailable **
Hello! I am reviewing your piece for the Simply Positive Newbie Review Group. Remember that the opinions that I express are mine, as a reader on this site. I am certainly not an expert, but I do enjoy reading! I hope that you will find this review helpful.

Overall Impression: We all need to "escape" into a carefree fantasy world at times. I think that you express that well.

Suggestions: *Smile* None.


I would like to welcome you to this site. It is truly a remarkable one! I hope that you find the camaraderie enjoyable, as I have. The other writers here have helped me to grow and learn in the short time that I have been a member. Reviews are excellent tools to assist us to improve our craft. The contests and activities provide opportunity to write in response to “prompts” or just to write and have others read our work. If you haven’t gotten involved please consider “jumping in”. It is a great community filled with great people who share a common bond—writing!

Please allow me to encourage you to continue to write and enjoy all that WDC has to offer!

Regards,
Nani

** Image ID #1645012 Unavailable **
Image for House and Garden

Created by our dear talented Gothic Angel
182
182
Review of Crazy?  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
** Image ID #1518015 Unavailable **
Hello! I am reviewing your piece for the Simply Positive Newbie Review Group. Remember that the opinions that I express are mine, as a reader on this site. I am certainly not an expert, but I do enjoy reading! I hope that you will find this review helpful.

Overall Impression: Excellant venting! I think that we can all relate to this. Good flow and word choice.

Suggestions: *Smile* Just a suggestion, but I think you have a couple of "typos"......in line two "straght" I think should be "straight", and in the last line, "lable" should be "label". Just my humble opinion, though.

I would like to welcome you to this site. It is truly a remarkable one! I hope that you find the camaraderie enjoyable, as I have. The other writers here have helped me to grow and learn in the short time that I have been a member. Reviews are excellent tools to assist us to improve our craft. The contests and activities provide opportunity to write in response to “prompts” or just to write and have others read our work. If you haven’t gotten involved please consider “jumping in”. It is a great community filled with great people who share a common bond—writing!

Please allow me to encourage you to continue to write and enjoy all that WDC has to offer!

Regards,
Nani

** Image ID #1645012 Unavailable **
Image for House and Garden

Created by our dear talented Gothic Angel
183
183
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
** Image ID #1518015 Unavailable **
Hello! I am reviewing your piece for the Simply Positive Newbie Review Group. Remember that the opinions that I express are mine, as a reader on this site. I am certainly not an expert, but I do enjoy reading! I hope that you will find this review helpful.

Overall Impression: Smooth flow and great imagery fill the lines of your poem. I thought it was a lovely "conversation".

Suggestions: *Smile* Perhaps you should review the piece for spacing and punctuation. I think it may be "typos" but there were a couple of places where you had a space before the comma that wasn't needed, and in a couple of places there was no space after a comma.....Just a thought.....

I would like to welcome you to this site. It is truly a remarkable one! I hope that you find the camaraderie enjoyable, as I have. The other writers here have helped me to grow and learn in the short time that I have been a member. Reviews are excellent tools to assist us to improve our craft. The contests and activities provide opportunity to write in response to “prompts” or just to write and have others read our work. If you haven’t gotten involved please consider “jumping in”. It is a great community filled with great people who share a common bond—writing!

Please allow me to encourage you to continue to write and enjoy all that WDC has to offer!

Regards,
Nani

** Image ID #1645012 Unavailable **
Image for House and Garden

Image #1495922 over display limit. -?-
184
184
Review of Explorers  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
** Image ID #1518015 Unavailable **
Hello! I am reviewing your piece for the Simply Positive Newbie Review Group. Remember that the opinions that I express are mine, as a reader on this site. I am certainly not an expert, but I do enjoy reading! I hope that you will find this review helpful.

Overall Impression: Good imagery fills the lines of your poem. I felt that it was indeed a positive statement on traversing the wonderful experience that we call "life".

Suggestions: *Smile* None.

I would like to welcome you to this site. It is truly a remarkable one! I hope that you find the camaraderie enjoyable, as I have. The other writers here have helped me to grow and learn in the short time that I have been a member. Reviews are excellent tools to assist us to improve our craft. The contests and activities provide opportunity to write in response to “prompts” or just to write and have others read our work. If you haven’t gotten involved please consider “jumping in”. It is a great community filled with great people who share a common bond—writing!

Please allow me to encourage you to continue to write and enjoy all that WDC has to offer!

Regards,
Nani

** Image ID #1645012 Unavailable **
Image for House and Garden

Image #1495922 over display limit. -?-
185
185
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
** Image ID #1518015 Unavailable **
Hello! I am reviewing your piece for the Simply Positive Newbie Review Group. Remember that the opinions that I express are mine, as a reader on this site. I am certainly not an expert, but I do enjoy reading! I hope that you will find this review helpful.

Overall Impression: Our differences are what make each of us unique. You have penned a good statement on the fact that you are proud of who you are. We should all feel so strongly about our stance on life.

Suggestions: *Smile* Perhaps you should consider reviewing your punctuation. I feel that it would make your article stronger.

I would like to welcome you to this site. It is truly a remarkable one! I hope that you find the camaraderie enjoyable, as I have. The other writers here have helped me to grow and learn in the short time that I have been a member. Reviews are excellent tools to assist us to improve our craft. The contests and activities provide opportunity to write in response to “prompts” or just to write and have others read our work. If you haven’t gotten involved please consider “jumping in”. It is a great community filled with great people who share a common bond—writing!

Please allow me to encourage you to continue to write and enjoy all that WDC has to offer!

Regards,
Nani

** Image ID #1645012 Unavailable **
Image for House and Garden

Image #1495922 over display limit. -?-
186
186
Review of Footprints  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
** Image ID #1518015 Unavailable **
Hello! I am reviewing your piece for the Simply Positive Newbie Review Group. Remember that the opinions that I express are mine, as a reader on this site. I am certainly not an expert, but I do enjoy reading! I hope that you will find this review helpful.

Overall Impression: A hauntingly lovely piece filled with vivid imagery. It asks a question that many of us ponder....Will we be remembered, once we no longer walk these lands? Will we leave a mark for anyone to recall that we once existed?

Suggestions: *Smile* None.

I would like to welcome you to this site. It is truly a remarkable one! I hope that you find the camaraderie enjoyable, as I have. The other writers here have helped me to grow and learn in the short time that I have been a member. Reviews are excellent tools to assist us to improve our craft. The contests and activities provide opportunity to write in response to “prompts” or just to write and have others read our work. If you haven’t gotten involved please consider “jumping in”. It is a great community filled with great people who share a common bond—writing!

Please allow me to encourage you to continue to write and enjoy all that WDC has to offer!

Regards,
Nani

** Image ID #1645012 Unavailable **
Image for House and Garden

Image #1495922 over display limit. -?-
187
187
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (3.0)
** Image ID #1518015 Unavailable **
Hello! I am reviewing your piece for the Simply Positive Newbie Review Group. Remember that the opinions that I express are mine, as a reader on this site. I am certainly not an expert, but I do enjoy reading! I hope that you will find this review helpful.

Overall Impression: I thought your piece to be spoken from your heart. I, too, feel that the beauty of nature should be enjoyed and "studied". I agree that it is more fun to look out the window at the lovely paintings that surround us than to study.

Suggestions: *Smile* None.

I would like to welcome you to this site. It is truly a remarkable one! I hope that you find the camaraderie enjoyable, as I have. The other writers here have helped me to grow and learn in the short time that I have been a member. Reviews are excellent tools to assist us to improve our craft. The contests and activities provide opportunity to write in response to “prompts” or just to write and have others read our work. If you haven’t gotten involved please consider “jumping in”. It is a great community filled with great people who share a common bond—writing!

Please allow me to encourage you to continue to write and enjoy all that WDC has to offer!

Regards,
Nani

** Image ID #1645012 Unavailable **
Image for House and Garden

Image #1495922 over display limit. -?-
188
188
Review of "Crystal Tear"  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
** Image ID #1518015 Unavailable **
Hello! I am reviewing your piece for the Simply Positive Newbie Review Group. Remember that the opinions that I express are mine, as a reader on this site. I am certainly not an expert, but I do enjoy reading! I hope that you will find this review helpful.

Overall Impression: Sadness permeates this piece. It speaks to me of loss, perhaps the loss of a loved one to death, or the parting of two lovers who can no longer be together. Your imagery is good, as are your end rhymes. Good job.

Suggestions: *Smile* None.

I would like to welcome you to this site. It is truly a remarkable one! I hope that you find the camaraderie enjoyable, as I have. The other writers here have helped me to grow and learn in the short time that I have been a member. Reviews are excellent tools to assist us to improve our craft. The contests and activities provide opportunity to write in response to “prompts” or just to write and have others read our work. If you haven’t gotten involved please consider “jumping in”. It is a great community filled with great people who share a common bond—writing!

Please allow me to encourage you to continue to write and enjoy all that WDC has to offer!

Regards,
Nani

** Image ID #1645012 Unavailable **
Image for House and Garden

Image #1495922 over display limit. -?-
189
189
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
** Image ID #1518015 Unavailable **
Hello! I am reviewing your piece for the Simply Positive Newbie Review Group. Remember that the opinions that I express are mine, as a reader on this site. I am certainly not an expert, but I do enjoy reading! I hope that you will find this review helpful.

Overall Impression: Good end rhyme. Smooth flow.

Suggestions: *Smile* None.

I would like to welcome you to this site. It is truly a remarkable one! I hope that you find the camaraderie enjoyable, as I have. The other writers here have helped me to grow and learn in the short time that I have been a member. Reviews are excellent tools to assist us to improve our craft. The contests and activities provide opportunity to write in response to “prompts” or just to write and have others read our work. If you haven’t gotten involved please consider “jumping in”. It is a great community filled with great people who share a common bond—writing!

Please allow me to encourage you to continue to write and enjoy all that WDC has to offer!

Regards,
Nani

** Image ID #1645012 Unavailable **
Image for House and Garden

Image #1495922 over display limit. -?-
190
190
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
** Image ID #1518015 Unavailable **
Hello! I am reviewing your piece for the Simply Positive Newbie Review Group. Remember that the opinions that I express are mine, as a reader on this site. I am certainly not an expert, but I do enjoy reading! I hope that you will find this review helpful.

Overall Impression: Terrific imagery! You tell the story vividly of the fear of "things that go bump in the night".

Suggestions: *Smile* None.

I would like to welcome you to this site. It is truly a remarkable one! I hope that you find the camaraderie enjoyable, as I have. The other writers here have helped me to grow and learn in the short time that I have been a member. Reviews are excellent tools to assist us to improve our craft. The contests and activities provide opportunity to write in response to “prompts” or just to write and have others read our work. If you haven’t gotten involved please consider “jumping in”. It is a great community filled with great people who share a common bond—writing!

Please allow me to encourage you to continue to write and enjoy all that WDC has to offer!

Regards,
Nani

** Image ID #1645012 Unavailable **
Image for House and Garden

Image #1495922 over display limit. -?-
191
191
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
image:1466395}
Hello! I am reviewing your piece for the Simply Positive Review Group. Remember that the opinions that I express are mine, as a reader on this site. I am certainly not an expert, but I do enjoy reading! I hope that you will find this review helpful.

Overall Impression: Interesting! It always amazes me that a good story line can be followed with just dialog to lead it along. Your story was good and your characters developed nicely with only their conversation to drive it. Good job!

Suggestions: *Smile* None.

Please allow me to encourage you to continue to write and enjoy all that WDC has to offer!

Regards,
Nani

** Image ID #1645012 Unavailable **
Image for House and Garden

Image #1495922 over display limit. -?-
192
192
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
image:1466395}
Hello! I am reviewing your piece for the Simply Positive Review Group. Remember that the opinions that I express are mine, as a reader on this site. I am certainly not an expert, but I do enjoy reading! I hope that you will find this review helpful.

Overall Impression: Many horrific acts were done in the name of "freedom" and "progress" at the expense of the heritage of a great nation. Thank you for bringing the plight of the "first people" to our readers and for sharing your thoughts.

Suggestions: *Smile* None.

Please allow me to encourage you to continue to write and enjoy all that WDC has to offer!

Regards,
Nani

** Image ID #1645012 Unavailable **
Image for House and Garden

Image #1495922 over display limit. -?-
193
193
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.
Hello! I am reviewing your piece for the Simply Positive Review Group. Remember that the opinions that I express are mine, as a reader on this site. I am certainly not an expert, but I do enjoy reading! I hope that you will find this review helpful.

Overall Impression: Well, Sharkdaddy, it is!! Cute story about how you got your WDC "handle".

Suggestions: *Smile* None.

Please allow me to encourage you to continue to write and enjoy all that WDC has to offer!

Regards,
Nani

Image #1645012 over display limit. -?-
Image #1652518 over display limit. -?-

Image #1495922 over display limit. -?-
194
194
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.
Hello! I am reviewing your piece for the Simply Positive Review Group. Remember that the opinions that I express are mine, as a reader on this site. I am certainly not an expert, but I do enjoy reading! I hope that you will find this review helpful.

Overall Impression: Good job! You created a cute little tale in just 100 words without repeating one. (For those out there who haven't tried this, it isn't as easy as it sounds!).

Suggestions: *Smile*None.

Please allow me to encourage you to continue to write and enjoy all that WDC has to offer!

Regards,
Nani

Image #1645012 over display limit. -?-
Image #1652518 over display limit. -?-

Image #1495922 over display limit. -?-
195
195
Review of FRED AND COCO  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.
Hello! I am reviewing your piece for the Simply Positive Review Group. Remember that the opinions that I express are mine, as a reader on this site. I am certainly not an expert, but I do enjoy reading! I hope that you will find this review helpful.

Overall Impression: Great usage of form. The poem was cute and with the vivid imagery used, I could see these two playmates as they enjoyed antagonizing one another.

Suggestions: *Smile*None.

Please allow me to encourage you to continue to write and enjoy all that WDC has to offer!

Regards,
Nani

Image #1645012 over display limit. -?-
Image #1652518 over display limit. -?-

Image #1495922 over display limit. -?-
196
196
Review of Final Ride  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
image:1518015}
Hello! I am reviewing your piece for the Simply Positive Newbie Review Group. Remember that the opinions that I express are mine, as a reader on this site. I am certainly not an expert, but I do enjoy reading! I hope that you will find this review helpful.

Overall Impression: Your poem certainly shows the results of rash mistakes made by teens. Even though we have repeatedly told them not to get into the car with a stranger, this young lady chose not to listen to the wisdom of her parents. The mistake was a costly one. So sad!

Suggestions: *Smile*The first three of your verses have a rhyme pattern of "abcb". The last two verses do not stick with this rhyme scheme. Was this intentional? (Perhaps to add emphasis???)

I would like to welcome you to this site. It is truly a remarkable one! I hope that you find the camaraderie enjoyable, as I have. The other writers here have helped me to grow and learn in the short time that I have been a member. Reviews are excellent tools to assist us to improve our craft. The contests and activities provide opportunity to write in response to “prompts” or just to write and have others read our work. If you haven’t gotten involved please consider “jumping in”. It is a great community filled with great people who share a common bond—writing!

Please allow me to encourage you to continue to write and enjoy all that WDC has to offer!

Regards,
Nani

** Image ID #1645012 Unavailable **
Image for House and Garden

Image #1495922 over display limit. -?-
197
197
Review of Aqua at play  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
image:1518015}
Hello! I am reviewing your piece for the Simply Positive Newbie Review Group. Remember that the opinions that I express are mine, as a reader on this site. I am certainly not an expert, but I do enjoy reading! I hope that you will find this review helpful.

Overall Impression: I enjoyed your story of the "Brave Little Dragon". She thought she was ready to conquer the world, but in reality was still just a child. This would make a lovely children's story book with a little polish.

Suggestions: *Smile*In the second paragraph, you have a conflict in your verb tense. You wrote"...She is learning fast, and thinks she should be able to do everything that her sister could." I think you could say "...She is learning fast, and thinks she should be able to do everything that her sister can." (But this is only a suggestion!) In the next sentence, "Azuless's" could be just "Azuless' " (at least I think it can be so), and the next sentence could be shortened to "Aqua barely even notices when she falls, trying to see and do everything." (But please remember, these are simply suggestions to help you to improve your piece. They are NOT directives, by any means. YOU as the author have control of what is written in your story.) In paragraph seven, you could punctuate your sentence as "Not so fast, little one," she said softly. There are some other punctuation glitches, but nothing that a little editting wouldn't correct. Good luck!

I would like to welcome you to this site. It is truly a remarkable one! I hope that you find the camaraderie enjoyable, as I have. The other writers here have helped me to grow and learn in the short time that I have been a member. Reviews are excellent tools to assist us to improve our craft. The contests and activities provide opportunity to write in response to “prompts” or just to write and have others read our work. If you haven’t gotten involved please consider “jumping in”. It is a great community filled with great people who share a common bond—writing!

Please allow me to encourage you to continue to write and enjoy all that WDC has to offer!

Regards,
Nani

** Image ID #1645012 Unavailable **
Image for House and Garden

Image #1495922 over display limit. -?-
198
198
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
image:1518015}
Hello! I am reviewing your piece for the Simply Positive Newbie Review Group. Remember that the opinions that I express are mine, as a reader on this site. I am certainly not an expert, but I do enjoy reading! I hope that you will find this review helpful.

Overall Impression: Human nature makes us want to know how a person reacts to trauma. I think you have captured the essence of someone who has experienced tragedy, and knows this. For whatever reason, we think we need to "know" so that we can understand the victims feelings, but knowing truly doesn't give us any insight to their plight. Your imagery is good; your flow is smooth; and your words were well-chosen.

Suggestions: *Smile*None.

I would like to welcome you to this site. It is truly a remarkable one! I hope that you find the camaraderie enjoyable, as I have. The other writers here have helped me to grow and learn in the short time that I have been a member. Reviews are excellent tools to assist us to improve our craft. The contests and activities provide opportunity to write in response to “prompts” or just to write and have others read our work. If you haven’t gotten involved please consider “jumping in”. It is a great community filled with great people who share a common bond—writing!

Please allow me to encourage you to continue to write and enjoy all that WDC has to offer!

Regards,
Nani

** Image ID #1645012 Unavailable **
Image for House and Garden

Image #1495922 over display limit. -?-
199
199
Review of Fire  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
image:1518015}
Hello! I am reviewing your piece for the Simply Positive Newbie Review Group. Remember that the opinions that I express are mine, as a reader on this site. I am certainly not an expert, but I do enjoy reading! I hope that you will find this review helpful.

Overall Impression: Good character development of "Lucas". He seems to be a troubled young man seeking acceptance of someone in the world now that his mother has left it. His solace is found in the solitude of the forest and the comfort of the fire. I think you could expand this into a longer piece with very little effort.

Suggestions: *Smile* In paragraph # 7, you wrote "...The other boy reached forward with the lighter and the cat's growl turned into a shriek of panic and pain, and the last thing Lucas remembered before the red veil slipped down over his eyes was the sound of him yelling out and the cat dropping to the ground and running away." This is a run on sentence, and detracts from the flow of your story. I believe that rethinking this would improve the piece. The only suggestion I can give would be to rephrase it something like this. "...The other boy reached forward with the lighter. The cat's growl turned into a shriek of panic and pain. The last thing Lucas remembered before the red veil slipped down over his eyes was the sound of him yelling out, while the cat dropped to the ground and ran away." (But this is only a suggestion!) In paragraph #9, you wrote "...Driven to his wits end..." I think it should be "...Driven to his wits' end///" or perhaps, "...wit's end...", but please remember that I am not an expert in this area. In paragraph #18, you wrote "...Lucas stared at it, watching it dance while lost in thought, finally relaxed." I think it would sound better if you changed it to something like "Lucas stared at the dancing flames, deeply lost in thought. He finally relaxed." (Again, this is only a suggestion.)


I would like to welcome you to this site. It is truly a remarkable one! I hope that you find the camaraderie enjoyable, as I have. The other writers here have helped me to grow and learn in the short time that I have been a member. Reviews are excellent tools to assist us to improve our craft. The contests and activities provide opportunity to write in response to “prompts” or just to write and have others read our work. If you haven’t gotten involved please consider “jumping in”. It is a great community filled with great people who share a common bond—writing!

Please allow me to encourage you to continue to write and enjoy all that WDC has to offer!

Regards,
Nani

** Image ID #1645012 Unavailable **
Image for House and Garden

Image #1495922 over display limit. -?-
200
200
Review of Grace  
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, Rising Star! I am here to review your piece for the Member to Member Review. It is my pleasure to visit your port. Although I do not profess to be an expert reviewer, I do enjoy reading. This review is meant to be helpful, and to offer suggestions to improve your craft. Please remember, however, that it is only my opinion.

Overall impression: A lovely piece! Its imagery is wonderful and paints a soothing picture. To me it speaks of God's beautiful promise that we will live eternally.

Suggestions: None.

Congratulations on being selected a Rising Star. Your talent is a wonderful vehicle that will take you soaring into the galaxies. Thanks for sharing with all of us here at WDC!

Regards,
Nani
** Image ID #1533813 Unavailable **
** Image ID #1655967 Unavailable **
** Image ID #1718355 Unavailable **
"I am a Rising Star!" glass image.
625 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 25 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/counselormom/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/8