Hey Ben, this poem about believing in our dreams is a good one. The rhyming is good and so is the rhythm.
The message is timely. Nowdays people find their dreams shattered all over the place. We just need to find a new one or pick up the pieces of the old one.
Hello, welcome to Writing.Com, I see your username is eowyngirl and this poem has elements of the warrior maiden in it. Are you a 'Lord of the Rings' fan. I am. In my dreams of myself in alter ego time, I am a warrior maiden.
This is good writing. I like the 'feel' of the piece. I also get the message that our dreams can help improve our outlook on 'real life'.
Hey Meg, thanks for the Ausie lesson. My brother PSanta-I'm ba-ack!is a Mollydooker. It comes at him from both sides of the family. I went to lunch with my grandpa, my aunt, my cousin, my brother and my grandma. Grandma and I were the only right-handers there. But they let us eat at the same table with them anyway.
I just wish I could hear you say the words to get them right in my mind.
This is a good piece describing the anticipation of awaiting the beginning of an epic battle. The type of battle was a complete surprise.
I am a more traditional-type poet, so use punctuation, which you only used in one place. But that is okay, I know there is a place for my type as well as other types. The one place you did use punctuation was a perfect place for it.
Hello, welcome to Writing.Com. Am looking forward to reading your material.
We have to submit a rating number to respond to this. Since it is not a piece of writing, but a greeting I am giving you a 3.0 rating so my response will be sent to you. There are forums to say hello. Here is a link for a good one to begin with "Writing.Com General Discussion"
Hi there, welcome to Writing.Com I hope you will enjoy being a member of the famiy.
This is a good reminder to keep ourselves in the place where we can hear God speak. I especially like two sentences in the last verse which say, God doesn't need a reason to grace you with His presence. He just needs an opportunity.' With your permission I would like to pass that quote on to a few friends(of, course giving you credit for writing it).
What a wonderful tribute to those who gave their lives for homeland of Australia. It is a day akin to our Memorial Day, here in the U.S.
I like the inclusion of the name of the battle field in the ending line of each verse. I also like the inclusion of the poem at the end, which is recited at the rememberances of the event.
What a peaceful poem! I can feel as if I were sitting beside you as you watched this silent beauty of the night. I wish I had been.
Your poems keep improving with each one you write. And I am so glad you are rhyming them. It makes me think you are following in your Mother's footsteps.
I almost hesitated to read the folder you stashed your comedy folder in. You said it was where you kept your 'shorts. I wasn't sure thatwas something I wanted to see. LOL
This 'short' comedy made me chuckle out loud. I could easily visualize Yosie Yams saying the stuff he did. Only a creative genius could make a dish of yams come to life like you did.
Well!! My goodness!! I'm not usually of a mind to read this type of story, but the title was intriguing. So, I thought I would give it a try.
I was perturbed when the phone rang in the middle of it. I didn't want to stop reading even for a few minutes. You are an excellent writer. The ending was superb!
As I am eating breakfast I am also reading items on WDC. This poem about my granddaughter is a good start. I will head to the one about my grandson next.
This describes her to a 'T'. I would suggest some punctuation to help with the rhythm and flow of the piece.
These are just my suggestions to smooth out the flow a I read.
In the first verse, 4th line put a comma after 'love'. It makes the reader pause just a bit while reading.
In the 4th line try this: 'And in her mind's eye, it is a sort of dance.'
In the second verse replace 'the effect she has' with the word 'her'. The other words make the line seem a little too long to me. In the last line maybe swapping places with the words 'dance' and 'happy'. We usually think of dancing with glee.
In the third verse, last line: a comma after 'me' because it makes you pause and it is a new phrase.
In the 4th verse 1st line take out the word 'in'.It is necessary there and interrupts the rhythm. And in the 3rd line, another comma, again for rhythm and new phrase.
I am so glad you wrote this piece in response to my piece 'It Was Love That Gave Her Away'. It's good to know that the 'feelings are mutual'.
This is supposed to be an unbiased review of your item, but I think that is not possible. At least for this one. So, I'll just make it public and let others do the unbiased reviewing.
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