Hello Latour, nice to have you as part of Writing.Com
This piece has some beautiful descritptions of how you see God in nature. However, I'm not sure I understand the line which reads 'That reflected upon the mere a sun kissed scene'. Also I know you probably didn't intend to use punctuation, but the last line needs either a comma after the word 'meek', or to be stated differently. It is a little hard to read.
Again these are beautiful descriptions. With the mentioned changes it would rate higher in my mind. If you do edit some, let me know. I can change my rating accordingly.
Hey, you must be like me. Both your items are about crying. One about beauty, one about joy (and maybe relief?) I tend to cry when something is very touching.
How long ago was it that you had this last radiation treatment? Congratulations!
Well Ta, I like this! You have put some thought into this short piece about what may cause a tear to fall. You seem to exhibit the soul of a poet.
I also had the beauty of nature bring tears to my eyes when I was in the Andes Mountains. I am amazed at how such beauty from the tiny snowflake you mention to the awesomeness of majestic mountains can touch the heart and soul.
I like the way you rhymed the first three lines in each verse and then used the phrase for the fourth line. And it is not depressing. Most of what I try to read is so depressing and full of doom and gloom. A little sunshine is good for the soul.
Hello Mr. Steve, welcome to Writing.Com Glad to have you aboard!
What good lyrics. I can see this being made into a song. It speaks the truth. We need God's light to shine on us to show the way to live.
In the first verse I think the phrase 'blind from your ways' would sound better if it said 'blind to your ways'. You also you the word 'from' in the next line. Replacing the first word would save repeating it in the same verse.
This poem tells of true, unselfish love and mentions the Perfect Example of love. Starting each line with the word love is emphasized. the purpose of writing it.
The quote at the end is indeed a good compliment to your poem.
Hello, what a good explanation of our God! You start wih His love shown to us by His sacrifice on the Cross, to sending the Holy Ghost to prepare us for living for eternity with Him in Heaven.
The only thing I see that might need to be added is to put the word 'God' between commas in the last line of the second verse.
I reviewed this a couple minutes ago, but something happened (a glitch or something) I'll try to remember the witty remarks I made. If it did come through before, well then, you got two reviews from me. Just pick the one you like best.
I love the humor of this poem. I chuckled out loud! Middle age has moved ahead ten years. I'm trying not to be depressed. Thanks for reminding us all that we may have to go through our mid-life crisis again!!
Hello, this poem starts out with the first line perfectly describing fear and jealousy, "Eating me alive". These are emotions that are hard for some to overcome.
You did a good job with the form and rhythm of the piece. It is short, but says everything that needs to be said.
Hello, I found this poem on the Shameless Plug Page. I think it would get more readers if you put the link to this poem in the 'highlighted item' area in your main portfolio also.
This is a good poem about trying to hang on to our childhood dreams. You followed the abab rhyming pattern throughout. The rhythm flows nicely.
Hello again, this is the second poem of yours I am reading. It too is excellent.
You stated all that could go wrong in a life and then gave the solution; '..a hand that's unseen'. Too often poems leave the reader in the depths of despair.
Hello, Welcome to Writing.Com on this Valentines Day!
This is a wonderful poem. It is full of life's truths.
And this truest is that life is but a blink of an eye.
The rhyme and rhythm of this piece are excellent. I scanned your other works which appear to be just as good as this one. I am going back to read them more thoroughly and write a review on them also.
Hello, Kingsford told me about your work here on Writing.Com. Are you also from the Phillipines?
This is a good poem, but needs a few word changes to make it even better. I'll help you with it.
First you need to put a rating on this and your other poem. Click on your item editing area and look for the small box that asks for your content rating. Both poems can carry an E rating.
I am not saying that you wrote a bad poem.It is a good one. It just needs to use a few different words. The words that should be changed in this poem to make the meaning a little clearer are this:
In verse 2 clothe is not a word. I think if you used the word 'outfits' instead of 'clothe pieces' it would sound better.
In verse 3 the word confiding isn't used to describe clothes. It means to tell secrets to someone. Maybe a different word should be used. I'll have to think about that.
In verse 5 line number 2, You might mean a dress instead of a coat. A coat is kind of like a jacket, only long. I'm not sure what you mean by 'half bootless jacket' I can see wearing a jacket over a dress, but boots are worn on the feet, so there can't be a bootless jacket. A 'short jacket' would be okay.
In verse 7 'A really something' Would sound better as 'Something really unique'.
In verse 8 the phrase should say 'Being able to take the fashion people to the edge' instead of 'brim'
I am so glad you are a part of this site. I have put you in my favorites list and will check on your writing from time to time. If you need help, just ask me.
I can change my rating when editing is done. This is a good start!
Hello Bobbie Jean, Good to have you here on Writing.Com!
This is a good description of happiness. It is not a selfish feeling, but one that comes when good triumphs.
God indeed is the source of true happiness.
You did a good job writing this poem. Thank you for sharing it with us.
How ghastly!! Now I have to find something light and uplifting to read!!
You did a good job of writing this piece, however gruesome it may be. You had me hooked 'til the end. I had to see in what manner you dispatched Brucie to his Vallhalla. I actually cried out the word 'Ohhhhh' in horror at the ending.
This is a good observation about rain. Not only is it refreshing and cleansing, but without it people wouldn't fully appreciate their sunny days, both in the surface and 'under the surface' areas of life.
Thank you for this reminder to enjoy whatever may come our way. Nancy
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.29 seconds at 8:40pm on May 06, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
