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Review Requests: ON
3,552 Public Reviews Given
4,129 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I look at the title, premise, overall structure first. Then I see how it makes me feel. After that, I might comment on little errors which are easily fixed.
I'm good at...
Hmm. Well you'd have to ask the one being reviewed what that be.
Favorite Genres
Paranormal, spy/detective, sci-fi, romantic suspense (hey I'm female and entitled). documentary, psychological and more.
Least Favorite Genres
Anything too gorey depending on how it's done. I don't need every little detail.
Favorite Item Types
First tell me what an item type is. haha
Least Favorite Item Types
An item has to make sense even if it uses fantasy ideas.
I will not review...
I don't like where some writer crammed six long chapters into one item area. I also don't like it if the paragraphs are so long you lose your place reading it. If you don't want me to lose interest and give up, break it up into sections and link it to the next exciting chapters. Nobody wants to sit through a detailed story for hours without a break.
Public Reviews
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526
526
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Note: You might want to take a look at this first. "A Message from Your Reviewer" 
Please realize that anything I say here is just my opinion alone. Only you know how you wish to express something. I am only here to offer encouragement and help should you need it.

*Tulipv* Hello Panda Reverb,
After seeing you around on WDC, I had to take a look at your items. I'm here to read your item, but also give you a review.

*Tulipp* BASICS
Title: The title fits the content of the item.
Premise: We see what appears to be a tremendous thunder storm and the result of it.
Format: I like how it is centered, and it seems to be in proper form as far as being Haiku.
Flow: The words chosen are simple, yet the sentences are concise.
*Burstp* What I liked: I felt action in this, as the sky changes minute by minute, (torrents) drenches the trees and more.
There is an unusual word (obfuscate) in this, which some people might not know. It gives the reader a reason to look it up and learn something.

It started in action, had a middle where the forces of nature took over, and then it ended with mention of God's eye.

*Burstr* What felt like it needed editing and revision: I didn't feel the need to edit or revise anything. I saw no errors.

*Thought* Personal Comments/Other Suggestions: Good job on this.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

Drop by our group room by clicking on the image below. You can leave comments, thanks, request a review, or even join our team.

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527
527
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Note: You might want to take a look at this first. "A Message from Your Reviewer" 
*Tulipv* Hello Coffeebean,

I happened to find this item and decided to read and review it.
Title: Good and appropriate.
Premise: A man has to deal with everyday life as he watches his wife decline.
Format: Nice paragraphing and spacing.
Flow: The words chosen were effective and they are varied lengths.

*Burstv* What I liked most: I liked that we got a tiny bit of dialogue but see into Frank's thoughts. Frank seems like a likeable character as he so thoughtfully chooses to do things that he knows Elisabeth prefers.

*Burstbl* Where I found errors, typos, or other things that might need edit and revision:
I was surprised to see that Elisabeth was able to speak. Although I guess it depends on how far along her illness is.
*Burstv* Other Personal Comments: It must be heartbreaking to watch and feel helpless, yet this character's gift is his love and commitment for Elizabeth.

I just recently talked to a man who is going through this but in his case, she is far along in her alzheimers. She doesn't remember to do certain things that we normally take for granted.
It is easy for the rest of us to not think that much about those things that the body normally does, maybe even swallowing or breathing. Or remembering that things on top of the stove can burn a person because it is hot. Just guessing here.

This was a short read but it says so much.
This item is being considered for "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
Please click on the image to be taken to our group page to leave comments, thanks, or request reviews.

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528
528
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Moon* Hello there Myra,
I found your item and decided to read and review it. Keep in mind that anything I mention is only my opinion. I only review what I like, and send this review with the idea of helping and offering encouragement, rather than criticism. Please consider my suggestions and take only what works for you and leave the rest behind. That being said, here is my impression.

*Bulletb* Title: Good and appropriate to the content of the item.
*Bulletb* Premise: A second chance goes wrong.
*Bulletb* Format/Flow: The formatting looks great. The word usage was effective.

*Heart* I liked: The poem is concise and expressive. The person has realized that this one isn't the one for her, yet it's hard to know the why and what of the situation unless you're in it.

I didn't see any errors. There could have been more details like some imagery.
*Thought* Comments: The message is clear. He's ready to have her, but she's dismissed him. She might be thinking. After all he committed himself to another, while ten years of my life was spent without him.

Ouch ouch ouch. I guess in this case it's "if you snooze, you lose."
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529
529
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Note: You might want to take a look at this first. "A Message from Your Reviewer" 
Please click on the link to be taken to our group homepage, if you care to leave thanks, comments, or requests for reviews.

dreamteam sig

*Sun* Hello there Fluke,

I found your item and decided to read and review it. Keep in mind that anything I mention is only my opinion. I only review what I like, and send this review with the idea of helping and offering encouragement, rather than criticism. Please consider my suggestions and take only what works for you and leave the rest behind. That being said, here is my impression.
*Burstr* Title: It's okay, yet I want to cap it or retitle it.
*Burstr* Premise: What people mean when they say, I didn't mean to, honestly.
*Burstr* Format: The paragraphing looks good as it has plenty of white space.
*Burstr* Flow: The words chosen were pretty good, but at some point I had to reread it a few times, to make sure I understood.
*Burstr* What I liked: I can see what is meant in this item. I think you're right about "honesty is the best policy". It's very hard to be honest if you let your feelings override your judgment. or is it the other way around?

*Pencil* Might edit/revise: The beginning was confusing for me, but the later half of it made more sense.

*Thought* Comments/Suggestions: Under stress people say and do the most unusual things, and so I'm not sure ..maybe that's raw honesty. I can remember a time when a lightning bolt of honesty sure would have helped, yet the two of us didn't quite get that far. At the same time, we each knew. It's hard to explain.

Thanks for the read.

This item is being considered for "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
530
530
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
You might want to first take a look at "A Message from Your Reviewer" 
Please realize that anything I say here is just my opinion alone. Only you know how you wish to express something. I am only here to offer encouragement and help should you need it.{/i}
*Angel* Hello ladyscorpinite,
Interesting name.
I'm here to read your item, but also give you a review.
*Compass* Title: Appropriate
*Bulletv* Premise: A person questions this love in her heart and why it remains.
*Bulletv* Format: The paragraphing looked good and use of line space was appropriate.
*Bulletv* Flow: The choice of words were good overall, but there were a few places that might need a change.
*Bird* Liked/favorite parts: I liked the explanation and outcome that this person was able to find love again, since she decided to let go of the other love. Not everyone is able to do that for some reason.
*Idea* Might need edit/revision:
Some of the words were capped. Love shouldn't always be capitalized. Also it is used often.

*Thought* Personal Comments/Other Suggestions: For me, loving unconditionally means loving, yet accepting the person's choices. At the same time, it does mean that the "love of my life" might not be fully in mine as I would hope it to be. One can hope that things would change, and there is a recognition, and renewal with a better understanding, yet that doesn't always happen either.

I kicked around the idea of soulmates, yet I really do not know. I just know when I feel that closeness with someone which I don't feel with another person. and I know it's going to last forever. The thought of never being part of their life again is so painful and impossible to think about for very long.

Some say there are several soulmates or people who are right for each of us, yet what does that mean anyway. Right in what way. It could be that each person brings his or her own gift as we bring to the surface who we really are. I am getting away from the topic maybe.

This item was a thought provoking one anyway. Thanks for sharing.

Thank you for sharing. I hope that this review was helpful.
*Star* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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531
531
Review of SUNKEN DREAMS  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Note: You might want to take a look at this first. "A Message from Your Reviewer" 

Hello Itchy Water,
I found your item while surfing WDC for items to read and review.

For disclaimer, pass cursor here: *Smile*

*Bulletv* TITLE, PREMISE, CONTENT: The title gives us a hint of what is to come. The memories are held inside a box, where it can be taken out and looked at.
*Bulletv* FORMAT/FLOW: This could use some formatting. with line spacing and broken up into stanzas.
*Bulletv* I LIKED: There is deep emotion felt in this item. It is expressed with words that give that feeling. drowned abroad. reach.
*Pencil* MIGHT NEED EDITING:
too much needs a period after it.
Then cap the next word. I would reword part of it and reorganize it.
Here is what I mean. Use what you want of it.
It might look like this:

My pictures are but a memory
nothing more, nothing less
for I hold on to too much.
It drags me down--my past,

I cry in the dark,
with an urge to reach forward.
My pictures are but a memory
enclosed in a box, with all my dreams

I've drowned abroad,
without a reach, without a voice.
My dreams are but a memory


*Thought* SUGGESTIONS AND OTHER COMMENTS: Nice expression of emotions.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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Please click on this image to visit our review forum anytime.
532
532
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (3.5)
You might want to first take a look at "A Message from Your Reviewer" 
Please realize that anything I say here is just my opinion alone. Only you know how you wish to express something. I am only here to offer encouragement and help should you need it.{/i}
*Angel* Hello gurl0001,
I'm here to read your item, but also give you a review.
*Compass* Title: Appropriate to the content of the item.
*Bulletv* Premise: What someone wants to do.
*Bulletv* Format: It did have a lot of spacing. In fact, maybe a little too much. If you do 4 line stanzas, I would only line space between the stanzas, not between each line.
*Bulletv* Flow: the word choice was okay, but the beginnings were a little repetitious.
*Bird* Liked/favorite parts: This is about someone else and how the person just wishes to be there for the other to do all these things.
*Idea* Might need edit/revision:
The word You is used way too much and also the beginning words.
This might look good centered. I also would only use the beginning only once before the other lines.
Here is a short sample of what it might look like:

Someday,
I'd like to meet you,
greet you,
walk with you,
talk with you.

I'd like to get to know you,
show you,
grow on you.


*Thought* Personal Comments/Other Suggestions: It's good that you tried in this one. The thoughts are there but just need a little variation. Keep at it and you'll get better as you relax a little and keep trying.
Thank you for sharing.
*Star* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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Clicking on this image takes you to Dream Team public group page.
533
533
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Note: You might want to take a look at this first. "A Message from Your Reviewer" 
*Tulipv* Hello Peep,

I was surfing around on WDC, looking for something to read and review and found this.
Title: it works fine for the item.
Premise: A trip to the grocery store has a woman passing time by pondering the people's lives in line with her and fantasizing a little bit too.
Format: this has nice paragraphing in it by way of use of line spacing.
Flow: The choice of words are simple ones, and easy to read and understand. The sentence lengths are varied and the sequence of events seem realistic

*Burstv* What I liked most: This was a fun read as we see what this woman does to occupy her time while grocery shopping. The magazines seem to beckon her, but she's also observant of the other patrons in line. She's kind of exploring her otherwise routine world as she watches what others do, but also focuses on what their life might be like away from the grocery store.

*Burstbl* Where I found errors, typos, or other things that might need edit and revision:
You mention the time but we aren't sure if it's morning or evening. You might want to add A.M. or P.M.
I would have written out 45 or 50 and added few words>

An elderly woman, who was forty-five or fifty years of age, cut in front of me...

"Anything else, Ma'am?" he asked. (I wouldn't use words like ask, says, sees, etc, as then it reads like a video game rather than fiction. Some people misunderstand the use of present/past tense and get this wrong. If you pick up any paperback book you will see they do not use those words.)

I believe Albertsons should be Albertson's market, since this shows ownership and it also says where she is.

*Burstv* Other Personal Comments: Sometimes I do this, but usually things happen so dreadfully slow or I don't find the people that interesting. It also might be that I'm tired by then and just want to hurry up and get out of there so I can take the bus home.

I think I noticed more on the bus actually, but again unless something unusual or someone new is on the bus, I might not notice that either.
Often times it is the same people on the bus, and they usually aren't smiling. I used to wonder about some of them, whether they'd done double shifts and just so tired, or disgusted with their own lives. It took a while for me to learn not to focus on them in a negative way, especially the younger men. It made me think of my oldest son, who has cancer after having such an active life and humorous personality. I wondered if these guys knew how lucky they were to just be healthy or if they took it for granted. It just seemed so unfair for my son to have to deal with all that.

After a bit of that type of thinking, I had to dismiss the idea. It wasn't there fault, nor do I know what heaven or hellish lives they might lead.

Anyway, I like your version of fantasy much better and have done the same on trains and such. People watching can be interesting, that's for sure.

Good job on this. Keep it up. I hope to read more of your items soon.

This item is being considered for "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
Please click on the image to be taken to our group page to leave comments, thanks, or request reviews.

** Image ID #1699311 Unavailable **
534
534
Review of Short thought  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Note: You might want to take a look at this first. "A Message from Your Reviewer" 
*Tulipv* Hello fito,

I searched a little more and found this little poem to review. This is your #3 review for your win in "Invalid Item" 
Title: I might have named this Memory.
Premise: Someone is sorely missed.
Format: The formatting looked fine with its line spacing.
Flow: In so few words the writer has expressed a sadness and longing.

*Burstv* What I liked most: The piece was concise and so in so few words we can sense the person's sadness and also fond memories of someone close to him. Yet now the person is no longer close physically. Many people can relate to this type of thing and so it is something they can appreciate.

*Burstbl* Where I found errors, typos, or other things that might need edit and revision: There was only one place that I thought might need fixing.
sorries ..should have been sorrys

You used the word wanna in your poem, which you might carry over into some of the other words like nothing/nothin

Comments: Good job on this piece.

This completes the review segment of your win.

This item is being considered for "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
Please click on the image to be taken to our group page to leave comments, thanks, or request reviews.

** Image ID #1699311 Unavailable **
535
535
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
The item has been re-rated because of the changes you made. The line spacing looks much better. This one should get a ribbon because of the style you were able to use.

Dreamin1
Dream Team Leader/Founder.
536
536
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Man**Woman* Hello there Horizon ,
After one of your team members reviewed you I had to take a look myself. Needless to say, I'm not sorry I did.

*Burstbr* Title: It fits the content well but I might have wanted it to have the same feel as the piece. Okay, you did use old language in the title too.
*Burstp* Premise: What it was like to be a student in a teacher's class.
*Burstv* Format: I liked how the stanzas were in two but i felt the spacing between stanzas was one too many.
*Burstbr* Flow: The word choice was excellent. I like how the story is told through verse and it rhymes.

*Star* I liked: Nicely done. It had that old english feel to it. Kind of Shakesperian. the wording and thought pattern was consistant throughout the piece.

*Pencil* Might need edit/revision: Nothing that I could see needed editing or revising. The rhythm was off a bit but not overly bad.
*Thought* Comments/Suggestions: I was surprised to see this was yours. What a cool idea.

*Sheriff* This item is being considered for "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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Clicking on the image takes you to our group homepage, where you might leave thanks, comments, or requests for reviews.

537
537
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Note: You might want to take a look at this first. "A Message from Your Reviewer" 
Please click on the link to be taken to our group homepage, if you care to leave thanks, comments, or requests for reviews.

dreamteam sig

*Sun* Hello there Jack,

I found your item and decided to read and review it. Keep in mind that anything I mention is only my opinion. I only review what I like, and send this review with the idea of helping and offering encouragement, rather than criticism. Please consider my suggestions and take only what works for you and leave the rest behind. That being said, here is my impression.
*Burstr* Title: Good. Fits the content of the item well.
*Burstr* Premise: A love seems to be doomed when two people are torn about by death. The survivor has to deal with his own painful feelings.
*Burstr* Format: The formatting is fine and nice use of white space.
*Burstr* Flow: The words chosen are simple ones which almost anyone can read and understand. There is much emotion expressed in it.
*Burstr* What I liked: It is a long lasting love that does not end in death. The person knows somehow that it just cannot end like that. The survivor is dealing with grief which overcomes him. It's unfortunate that he can't seem to find his way again and discover happiness.

*Pencil* Might edit/revise: I don't see a need for editing and revising in this item.

*Thought* Comments/Suggestions: I've been widowed before but for me it was different. It's never easy though even if the relationship wasn't good.

I can only imagine what it is like in a loving relationship to have this happen. One thing for sure is > to love and lost is much better than not love at all. A person can appreciate and cherish those memories and days spent together. Death feels so final, but if the person is alive and there is a divorce, a person can always hope things will change.

Maybe in that case it's just a matter of choices and people tire of the wait and move on. That's good if they can. You just never know when there maybe be a change of heart, yet this in no way changes what was felt before.
This item is being considered for "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
538
538
Review of My room, my life  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)

*Bird*

Hello Ace,
I found your item on your port , and I'm glad I did.

For disclaimer, pass cursor here: *Smile*
*Star* IMPRESSION: The argument in the beginning is that the home...er house is him or her. The parts of it are the person--nails, walls, floor, and ceiling all complete who the person is. Stable, yet can take a path. AT the end though we see that it's not really how the person feels because there is a spacial place and it's not there.

There were not misspelled words, but we did get repettion. It works for this piece in that it keeps a rhythm.
*Idea* SUGGESTIONS AND OTHER COMMENTS: Good job on this.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

*Heart* Dreamin1
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539
539
Review of The essence  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
You might want to first take a look at "A Message from Your Reviewer" 
Please realize that anything I say here is just my opinion alone. Only you know how you wish to express something. I am only here to offer encouragement and help should you need it.{/i}
*Angel* Hello anwen,
I'm here to read your item, but also give you a review.
*Compass* Title: Appropriate, yet needs capitalization. The Essence
*Bulletv* Premise: being the essence.
*Bulletv* Format: It looked good on the page.
*Bulletv* Flow: Good word choice.
*Bird* Liked/favorite parts: I liked the balance created in the way the woman is described--a perfect blend.
*Idea* Might need edit/revision:
Here I would have combined two lines so it looks like the other one>
Here I stand
I stand alone, not lonely
I stand strong, surrounded by love.

I am who I am.

(And then I would do another stanza or two, using this same type of thing utilizing line spacing.

*Thought* Personal Comments/Other Suggestions:
Thank you for sharing. I hope that this review was helpful.
*Star* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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540
540
Review of Died every nighT  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Note: You might want to take a look at this first. "A Message from Your Reviewer" 

*Man**Woman* Hello selal,
I found your item and decided to read and review it. Keep in mind that anything I mention is only my opinion. I only review what I like, and send this review with the idea of helping and offering encouragement, rather than criticism. Please consider my suggestions and take only what works for you and leave the rest behind. That being said, here is my impression.

*Burstbr* Title: The title is okay but should be capitalized. Died every Night.
*Burstp* Premise: it sounds as if someone feels as if they died every night.
*Burstv* Format: This could use some formatting. Break it up into stanzas. I'm guessing two lines per stanza. then line space it.
*Burstbr* Flow: The words chosen could be better as it's not complete sentences, although we still do get a feeling from it.

*Pencil* Might need edit/revision: You need some commas and capitalization in this.

*Thought* Comments/Suggestions: I wasn't sure why there were footnotes. Is this your work or copied from somewhere?

*Sheriff* This item is being considered for "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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541
541
Review of The Word of God  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Note: You might want to take a look at this first. "A Message from Your Reviewer" 
*Moon* Hello teach,
I found your item and decided to read and review it. Keep in mind that anything I mention is only my opinion. I only review what I like, and send this review with the idea of helping and offering encouragement, rather than criticism. Please consider my suggestions and take only what works for you and leave the rest behind. That being said, here is my impression.

*Bulletb* Title: Good and appropriate to the content of the item.
*Bulletb* Premise: Praising God
*Bulletb* Format/Flow: The format is okay but I think it would be better if the lines were lengthened so that there is two sentences per line. I say this because of the way the item rhymes. Sometimes it rhymes and sometimes it doesn't but there is a rhythm in it.

*Heart* I liked: I liked that we saw not only good thoughts of God but also the history according to the bible.

*Pencil* Suggestions: I would just suggest reformatting it or revising it so the other lines rhyme with corresponding ones. Read this out loud and you will see what I mean.

*Thought* Comments:

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542
542
Review of Amid the Relics  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
~~ *Heart* ~~


Hello Pibody,
I found your item while surfing WDC for items to read and review.

For disclaimer, pass cursor here: *Smile*

The title fits the content well.
I liked that the item is broken up into stanzas, plus there is a line space between them.
*Bulletv* I LIKED the positive feeling in this. The person is hopeful and remembering what it feels like to be within a loving person's arms and how it will be when they are together again.
*Bulletv* MIGHT NEEDED EDITING: I didn't see a thing I would edit and revise.
*Thought* SUGGESTIONS/COMMENTS: The last line says it all. Faith holds this person together while he or she waits to share the company of his or her special person.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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{/left}
543
543
Review of Touched By Love  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Note: You might want to take a look at this first. "A Message from Your Reviewer" 
Hello Ann Ticipation,
*Tulipp*

I found your item and decided to read and review it. Keep in mind that anything I mention is only my opinion. I only review what I like, and send this review with the idea of helping and offering encouragement, rather than criticisim. Please consider my suggestions and take only what works for you and leave the rest behind. That being said, here is my impression.

Title: it fits the content well.
Premise: It's about a person who still finds comfort in his or her love's embrace.
Format: Nice use of white space.
Flow: The words chosen are simple ones and are easy to read and understand. The sequence of events seem logical.

*Poseyv* What I liked:
Once more, it's time for you to be with me,
Heaven is there for me to touch,
Waves of emotion build, surge like the sea, <(nicely expressive)
The wonder that I still feel so much.

*Poseyp* What might need edit and/or revision:

There was nothing I wanted to edit or revise in this.

*Burstp* Personal Comments/Suggestions: Nice imagery and also thoughtful expression of emotions.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

Please click on the link to be taken to our group homepage, if you care to leave thanks, comments, or requests for reviews.
pink/purple Dreamin1 sig small
544
544
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello Cynical Thought,
*Tulipp*

I found your item and decided to read and review it. Keep in mind that anything I mention is only my opinion. I only review what I like, and send this review with the idea of helping and offering encouragement, rather than criticisim. Please consider my suggestions and take only what works for you and leave the rest behind. That being said, here is my impression.

Title: It is long but it works for this item.
Premise: A boy wondering if this love will accept him and let them have a life together.
Format: The formatting could use some help. I'd break it up in a few places and provide a line space between stanzas, or at least center it and see what shape it ends up making.
Flow: The word choice was good and consistant thought was throughout.

*Poseyv* What I liked: I like the dreamlike thought pattern this creates. It's focusing on the positive outcome as the young man looks forward to knowing that his love feels the same way and it will be a lasting love.

*Poseyp* What might need edit and/or revision:
I didn't see much to edit or revise in this except for the formatting.

*Burstp* Personal Comments/Suggestions: You could add an image or colored text, but it's not necessary.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

Please click on the link to be taken to our group homepage, if you care to leave thanks, comments, or requests for reviews.
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545
545
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Note: You might want to take a look at this first. "A Message from Your Reviewer" 

*Man**Woman* Hello there JA Buxton,

After reviewing an item of yours, I just happened to come across this one.

*Burstbr* Title: Appropriate now that I know what this refers to.
*Burstp* Premise: A special car is always missing in a dream.
*Burstv* Format: The paragraphing looks good and the sentences are varied lengths which makes this easier to read.
*Star* Impression: At first I was confused by the name Blue Roan, because that is a breed or color of horse, but then it said it was the name of the car. Now that explained it.

The frustration for the person having this dream is revealed in the search for it. The tension is felt also before that when she had to enter an elevator, push a button, and inhale where other people have been.

I had and have to deal with things like this. I wasn't so acutely aware of it until I had been on a bus several years and experienced a few things first hand. Trust me, it can be a very gross place to be. I ended up mentally imagining myself in a ziploc outfit with gloves and all. Of course, I'd never do that but it was a brief thought.

Dreams can be so frustrating sometimes. I used to dream about water, lots of it. As in flooding. Often times the basement is underwater and the waterline is rising. I wake up before it does get too high.

As for the finding the parked car, I actually had that happen at the Denver Airport. Oddly enough, there are two sides on the building and they look exactly the same. Talk about frustrating. I thought I might lose my mind, because I was only picking up someone and ended up paying some ridiculous amount because of not being able to find my car.

Later on, I dreamt much more pleasant dreams. And although they were different ones, the feeling was the same in them. Peaceful, safe, loving.

*Pencil* Might need edit/revision: I can't think of anything it needs. I did not find spelling errors or any punctuation problems.

*Thought* Comments/Suggestions: By the way, having the image on there was a pretty nifty idea, although I might have liked to have seen the car or one like it instead.

*Sheriff* This item is being considered for "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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546
546
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Note: You might want to take a look at this first. "A Message from Your Reviewer" 
Please realize that anything I say here is just my opinion alone. Only you know how you wish to express something. I am only here to offer encouragement and help should you need it.

*Tulipv* Hello J A Buxton,
I'm here to read your item, but also give you a review.

*Tulipp* BASICS
Title: Good and appropriate to the content of the item.
Premise: A dead woman is found and apparently someone well-known murdered her.
Format: Nice paragraphing in this item.
Flow: The words used are simple ones which almost anyone can easily read and understand.
*Burstp* What I liked: This had a lot of imagery in it, plus it had dialogue and we are taken through the recognition of who the person was, but also what happens once she's taken away.
The scene where Mary is in the morgue and about to be put in one of those drawers is pretty "chilling" pardon the pun).

Mary's thoughts tell us that her husband did it, yet until he does or says something incriminating we have only her word to go by. Yet I didn't feel what he said made sense. unless he wished to cover up her supposed transgressions.

*Burstr* What felt like it needed editing and revision: I read this three times because I know it said they found her in the alleyway, yet the friend of Mary mentions how the husband found her dead in his bead.

Although, his words indicate that he is a liar, we were already told by Mary's thoughts. I didn't feel that he would tell the friend he found her daead in his bed plus how she was angry that he stayed at the hospital since that yould have given the police something to show as motive. There was no conversation with the police indicating that.

I think I might have somehow showed Mr. Tischler with the medicine bottle or indicated his actions and motives with something else. Murderers can be careless. He might have tossed the bottle into someone else's trash bin, not knowing it would somehow drop out and be discovered. Maybe the garbage truck tipped it upward and it dropped out and happened to be found by the friend who lived one street over. How'd it get there? maybe the couple had a dog and he used a dogwalk to serve a purpose to hide the evidence.

15 years should be written out as fifteen years.

*Thought* Personal Comments/Other Suggestions: This does have potential. It could be a much longer story and not so simple as ah she was made because I was at work so much so she decided to mess around with other men in the hooker district. If this was true, I think it wold take a lot of time or she might have a background that indicates she'd not hesitate.

Just an idea.

I hope that this review was helpful.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

Drop by our group room by clicking on the image below. You can leave comments, thanks, request a review, or even join our team.

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547
547
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Note: You might want to take a look at this first. "A Message from Your Reviewer" 
Please click on the link to be taken to our group homepage, if you care to leave thanks, comments, or requests for reviews.

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*Sun* Hello there bob county,

I found your item and decided to read and review it. Keep in mind that anything I mention is only my opinion. I only review what I like, and send this review with the idea of helping and offering encouragement, rather than criticism. Please consider my suggestions and take only what works for you and leave the rest behind. That being said, here is my impression.
*Burstr* Title: I'm still undecided about this and I will explain shortly.
*Burstr* Premise: From what I could tell, there's a witch burning going on for things that must be evils and therefore taboo.
*Burstr* Format: Looks fine with line spacing between dialogue and exposition.
*Burstr* Flow: Word choice was good and simple.
*Burstr* What I liked: I liked the dialogue in this as we see two characters interact in what looks like a "community" activity. The dialogue is done well.

*Pencil* Might edit/revise: I didn't understand the title as to how it relates to the story. I may have missed something in the news if this pertains to something else. I can see that whatever is going on, is a bit extreme especially by the usual standards.

*Thought* Comments/Suggestions:

This item is being considered for "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
548
548
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Note: You might want to take a look at this first. "A Message from Your Reviewer" 
Please realize that anything I say here is just my opinion alone. Only you know how you wish to express something. I am only here to offer encouragement and help should you need it.

*Tulipv* Hello Elemonopy,
I'm here to read your item, but also give you a review.

*Tulipp* BASICS
Title: Appropriate. It fits the content of the item.
Premise: There is trouble in this home and family and we aren't sure what will happen next.
Format: The paragraphing was good in this as the writer used line spacing effectively.
Flow: The choice of words were effective in that imagery was used and so we felt like we were there. We hear sounds, see things, scent is used too.
*Burstp* What I liked: I liked that we got to know this family and each of its characters. er family members I mean. Each person is unique and has their own way of reacting and interacting with each other.

The dad seems consitant in his overbearing and cruel actions and words.
Grandpa is the caring one who too late realizes what is going on and is tired of it.
The main character is not visible and we find that out when people seem to walk through her. (at first I thought it was a he, as there wasn't an indication one way or another or for some reason I didn't notice it).

*Burstr* What felt like it needed editing and revision:
What I didn't like was the use of words like he says, he moves, he pulls. I would change this to he moved, he pulled, he said. I see this every so often and it reads something like a video game.

Halfway through this I noticed the rest was in italics. I wasn't sure if that was on purpose or not. Usually italics are thoughts inside a person's head and are set off as such.
*Thought* Personal Comments/Other Suggestions: The story was interesting, and made me want to keep reading to see what happened next, and how things would turn out. It had a beginning, middle, and end, and so it is complete as far as that goes.
Thanks for sharing.

I hope that this review was helpful.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

Drop by our group room by clicking on the image below. You can leave comments, thanks, request a review, or even join our team.

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549
549
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Note: You might want to take a look at this first. "A Message from Your Reviewer" 

~~ *Heart* ~~


Hello Farooq,
I found your review request on the review forum, so I am here to review it.

For disclaimer, pass cursor here: *Smile*

*Bulletv* TITLE, PREMISE, CONTENT: Nicely done. Appropriate to the content of the item.
*Bulletv* FORMAT/FLOW: For the most part this looked good. Always use line space between paragraphs.
*Bulletv* I LIKED that this was in a place where I have never been but the descriptions helped me be there at least for the moment. I pictured it hot and dusty, but alive with many people.

I liked how the female did little things like tucks a loose strand of hair behind her ears. The imagery in this was pretty good as the writer describes this character's day and also his reactions to people around him.

I felt sorry for this character when he has the problems at work and then hears how someone has betrayed him. What a let down. The good thing is he found love and that happened at a good time. The tension built up and then something else happened and so it felt more satisfying that we see our character triumphant after a let down, when his world ...his feelings are crushed.

I liked the character when he went to the terrace and made motions like he just threw the traitor over the side and listened to hear him fall. It seemed like a natural reaction to stress, but I couldn't help laughing at it as it was kind of funny. It makes me think of when I visualize sending a missile out into outer space with someone hurtful in it. *Laugh*

The story had a beginning, middle, and end. This you do want.
*Bulletv* MIGHT NEEDED EDITING: Some of the lines stopped abruptly and then continued on the next line, which left a big space on the right side.
YOu wrote: A soft clearing of the throat grabs my attention. She is standing with her hands behind her with a smile playing on her lips. I stand up, pleasantly

surprised that Mayana has come to my cubicle. My knees feel like twanged guitar strings, and I hold on to the desk.

I would bring those lines up so it's smoother.

I liked the dialogue in this and there is a nice sense of balance between that and the exposition. WE get a lot of how the characters are feeling by what they are doing and how they move about. Try to keep the character's actions with his or her dialogue.

YOu wrote: Do I notice a mischievous glint in those eyes?

“I don’t know,” I say caressing them and enjoying the velvety feel.

*Idea*
I almost detected a smile. What does that look on her face mean? I thought. “I don’t know,” I say touching the petals on the flowers and enjoying the velvety feel.

If he's talking about her eyes, he's not caressing them. He's caressing the flowers or he might even smell them. Also if you use italics we can see it's his thoughts, but don't always add on he thought. Once you do this the reader remember when they see italics used.

What I didn't like was that this was written using words like she looks, he says, etc. I realize it is done in first person but it does not read like a normal story would. Instead use words like she looked , he said, she whispered. Do you see the difference? Otherwise it's like viewing a video game.

*Thought* SUGGESTIONS/COMMENTS: The item was longer than most reviewers are willing to read, and it could be broken up just a little so it's on two items rather than one, but it worked out okay for me. There was a lot of good done in this story, and with a few edits and revising, it would be much better.

I would read some stories which you like the style and learn from it. Also reviewing is one good way to learn, even if you start off doing just a few or only saying so much. You know when you read when something doesn't quite read right, and you will learn what to notice when it does.

The story was written pretty well. The sequence of events seemed logical and real. The emotions were expressed without naming the emotion. This is important to not name the emotion but to show it.

I wanted to give it a 4.5, but I couldn't because of the errors, which can be easily fixed. Let me know if you revise it and I can possibly re-rate it.
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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{/left}
550
550
Review of The Inner Me  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
~~ *Heart* ~~


Hello Turtle,


For disclaimer, pass cursor here: *Smile*

I saw this in your port and had to read and review it.
The title fits the content well
It is arranged on the page in an orderly fashion, and uses words that anyone can easily read and understand.

I like how you cover each area in more detail as we get a more complete picture of this type of thing.

The list at the bottom in bold indicates which areas are specifically for you yet often others who have this might also.

It's important to note too that each one with it has different levels of it. Some things seem to be more consistant than others. The social aspect is very present, and not picking up social cues is another. Any change can be totally upsetting.

*Thought* SUGGESTIONS/COMMENTS:
I am glad you share this with us. The bad thing is some people who like to stress others out, might take advantage of the information. Better to avoid them if possible.
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

hummingbird
Please click on this image to visit our review forum anytime.
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