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3,533 Public Reviews Given
4,110 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I look at the title, premise, overall structure first. Then I see how it makes me feel. After that, I might comment on little errors which are easily fixed.
I'm good at...
Hmm. Well you'd have to ask the one being reviewed what that be.
Favorite Genres
Paranormal, spy/detective, sci-fi, romantic suspense (hey I'm female and entitled). documentary, psychological and more.
Least Favorite Genres
Anything too gorey depending on how it's done. I don't need every little detail.
Favorite Item Types
First tell me what an item type is. haha
Least Favorite Item Types
An item has to make sense even if it uses fantasy ideas.
I will not review...
I don't like where some writer crammed six long chapters into one item area. I also don't like it if the paragraphs are so long you lose your place reading it. If you don't want me to lose interest and give up, break it up into sections and link it to the next exciting chapters. Nobody wants to sit through a detailed story for hours without a break.
Public Reviews
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426
426
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
II came across this today and thought I might review it. I like the idea that people have a place to come and ask for prayer and/or pray together. I tried to enter but it said I need a passcode but I wasn't sure how to get that.

I did notice a link for a prayer hotline. I'll try that shortly. My membership is expired but worse yet, my purse was either stolen or left behind. I'm not sure because one minute I had it with me, next it wasn't there. My ID and bankcards were in there too. This happened two months after my dog had to be put down. Yes, the same dog I'd asked for prayers before that was ill. She'd gotten better or so I thought.

I will request prayer if it allows me. Other than that this page looked good with it's paragraphing and the words used were simple and easy to understand.
Good job.
427
427
Review of Round & About  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Jackolantern* Hello there Aya,
This is your Dream Team Halloween review. You may have received other reviews because you were either gifted by someone or won the item in a Dream Team raffle or other event. That being said, here is my impression.

Note: I somehow accidently deleted the previous review I had written and so I decided to go back and rewrite and rereview it.
Sorry about that.

*Ghost* Title/Premise:
Appropriate title to the item content.
*Pumpkin* Format: The paragraphing looks good except for at least one where there is no line space between it and another.

*Cat* Flow: The idea is mentioned at the beginning about what this will be about.
And then goes on to explain further giving examples.
The essay is expressed using simple words and in a way in which anyone can understand.
*Witchhat* Impression:
WE see the usual routine of checking in luggage, and passing by passengers, and boarding the plane. We feel the coolness of the lounge while this passenger is reminded of her neighbor's dog, Pepper and it's attention span.

*Witchhat* I liked:
I liked the little things like knot in the stomach. This enhances the piece and makes us be there experiencing it all.

I especially like how this creates a feeling in the person as she feeels close to God and what adventures might be in store for her, but mostly the peace found in truly being alone with your own thougths and not anyone interupting or judging them..

*Idea* Might need edit/revision: Just one area and that was mentioned eariler.

*Moon* Comments/Suggestions:
I find this same sense of peace when I visit the forest, especially the giant Redwoods. It too gives me this feeling that nothing else matters and helps me refocus on what's really important to me. There are no bills, ringing phones, or demands while there.

There is only peace, quiet, beautiful sights, sounds and scents. It is my favorite place to be. And yes it is there I can silently share the beauty found knowing where it all came from. I also find this driving on a country road beaneth the shelter of giant trees. It is there i talk to God.
I just wish I could share it with other people who might also understand and experience the same.

*Star* This item is being considered for "Good Deeds Go Noticed.

Halloween sig bats etc.
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428
428
Review of Round & About  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Jackolantern* Hello there ,
This is your Dream Team Halloween review. You may have received other reviews because you were either gifted by someone or won the item in a Dream Team raffle or other event. That being said, here is my impression.

*Ghost* Title/Premise:

*Pumpkin* Format:

*Cat* Flow/Rhyme/Rhythm:

*Witchhat* Impression:

*Witchhat* I liked:

*Idea* Might need edit/revision:

*Moon* Comments/Suggestions:

*Star* This item is being considered for "Good Deeds Go Noticed.

Halloween sig bats etc.
Clicking on the image takes you to our group homepage, where you might leave thanks, comments, or requests for reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
429
429
Review of Depression  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Please realize that anything I say here is just my opinion alone. Only you know how you wish to express something. I am only here to offer encouragement and help should you need it.{/i}
*Angel* Hello there my friend, Thomas Seeker,
I'm here to read your item, but also give you a review.

*Thought* Personal Comments/Other Suggestions:

Because this is a personal reflection I decided to not review it in the usual way.
I read this all the way through, and it felt urgent and honest and was so full.of emotion. I believe you did a good job of sharing the inner turmoil which people can relate to. There were some areas which just about brought tears to my eyes. In factx I felt the moisture threaten to spill out.

I know some about this depression and it feels like some crazy roller coaster rid, where your going steadily upward only to suddenly plummet down as if it might end just as quickly.

I've felt it most of my life, yet try to live in the moment. A d so nobody sees this dark side of me.

I cant quite put my finger on exactly what happened to cause it to be in me in the first place except I know its not just the current event but something much deeper.

What often occurs is I blame myself for being or at least feeling so weak.

The part about the sun shining and birds singing Reminds me that all is not lost. That regardless of how I feel or react,or how someone else reacts there is a constant which brings me joy and its mine to enjoy as I wish and when I wish and while I can.

Get out in nature if you can find that solitude and peace and it will hell you feel balance again. I consider it God's gifts and find comfort I. Tgat when I feel as if being human feels so harsh.

I suppose this might just be experiencing "what is not, in order to more appreciate the what is". I think you know what I mean as we do mentally connect in that way.


Thank you for sharing. I hope that this review was helpful.
*Star* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.

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430
430
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)

*Bird*

Hello blind desire,
I found your item on your port, and I'm glad I did.


For disclaimer, pass cursor here: *Smile*


*Star* IMPRESSION: This piece, reveals emotions which rise with each line until its quite intense. Its almost like it's alive--a raw emotion untethered and free at least for the moment.

*Idea* SUGGESTIONS AND OTHER COMMENTS:

I liked the last two thirds of it best where it seems to escalate and overflow.

It may be because of the short quick lines which feel like action.
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.

*Heart* Dreamin1
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431
431
Review of Reversion  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.0)


~~ *Heart* ~~


Hello Jeff,
I found your item while surfing WDC for items to read and review.


For disclaimer, pass cursor here: *Smile*

*Bulletv* TITLE, PREMISE, CONTENT: Title is fine. the premise is unique as not too many writers choose the setting.
*Bulletv* FORMAT/FLOW: Formatting looks good in this item with its properly spaced paragraphs and sets of dialogue. Simple words used and sentence structure make this easy to read an understand.

*Bulletv* I liked that this started off with a story question. It makes the reader want to know more.
The tension was immediate as we see these two interact. The setting was seamless so that we knew where they were by what they were doing.
More on this below.

*Bulletv* MIGHT NEEDED EDITING: I kind of felt like the merman gave in too easily, yet I liked his comment about not being able to stop her.
Although realistic, I didn't like her character though as she seems rather callous. And fake as some people are. I this was your intent then you did well.
I also liked that you summarized their background an first meeting

Before reading the rest, I almost would have suggested that she didn't wake up seeing his face, but maybe let her wonder just who saved her. It would raise another story question.

Then again, maybe the second rescue could happen like that since more than likely the merman didnt want to take a chance and go through another heartbreak. This would allow the reader to get to know the characters first. plus use descriptions more. Think of Aquaman. Maybe somehow he finds a way to be on land too
He might have time restrictions though so he can survive. He could even have a job where it allows him easier access without raising suspicion.

Maybe hes rescued small children or sailors too, yet remained somewhat anonymous somehow.

*Thought* SUGGESTIONS/COMMENTS: See above. You could do so much with this idea and create scenarios and sequels.
Its up to you whether you want to go further with it. Just know that its possible

Thanks for the read.
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.

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432
432
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Please realize that anything I say here is just my opinion alone. Only you know how you wish to express something. I am only here to offer encouragement and help should you need it.

*Tulipv* Hello James Joseph,
I'm here to read your item, but also give you a review.

*Tulipp* BASICS
Title: . The title is appropriate to the content of the item and it causes the reader to be curious and so feels as though he or she wants to find out more.
Premise:. Affordable health Care/ Obama Care. It has pros and cons.

Format:. The paragraphing weren't too long and the linespacing created whit space which makes this say to read and understand

Flow:. The words. Chosen and varied sentence lengths keep this fresh and informative.

*Burstp* What I liked:
. I like how the writer explained wha as about to be discussed but then web on to explain each of the areas more closely.

*Burstr* What felt like it needed editing and revision:. Although I likes that you tried to share the we pages, it wasn't prividing the outside link. There is a way to do that yet I forgot how. Wdc Tech help might tell you if you leave a message in the support area. It's located on the right upper side.

There was a few places where when you gave examples. Which should have had its own paragraph.
I'd write out the number two. Rather than use its.
Numeral.
*Thought* Personal Comments/Other Suggestions:
Please forgive the mistakes in my reply. This review was done by the one finger typing method since I'm using an iPod.

The item is written well despite a few errors. Thanks for sharing.

Rating: 4.5 *Star* *Star**Star**Star*

Overall. I liked reading this item because it explains how a plan was approved although it had many problems. And causes even more problems to implement it.
I hope that this review was helpful.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.

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433
433
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Note: You might want to take a look at this first. "A Message from Your Reviewer
Hello there Maryann,
*Tulipp*

I'm back again and found this item but also a *Dollar*. :)

As for the review: Keep in mind that anything I mention is only my opinion. I only review what I like, and send this review with the idea of helping and offering encouragement, rather than criticism. Please consider my suggestions and take only what works for you and leave the rest behind. That being said, here is my impression.

Title: The title fits the content of this item as we see Pooca do what she needs to in order to prove herself to her future husband's parents.

Format: the formatting looks fine the way it is.
Flow: The words chosen were simple ones. The sequence of events seemed logical.

*Poseyv* What I liked: The young woman depicted in the story shows how a person will do anything to be with the one they love. In this case, she must do this task for his family. It seems like quite a feat and she is brave to go forth with it. Upon her return she will be united with the one she loves.
The story had a beginning, middle, and end. There was tension mounting as she ventured to the new land. And anticipation on her return. Reader was excited for her that she was able to follow through with it.

The details were good also, like when she felt apprehensive and touched the necklace given to her by her future father in law. Nice show of emotions.

*Poseyp* What might need edit and/or revision:

I read so much about Patrick that I grew fond of him and was almost confused by it as Pelo, the one Pooca adores, was not there so we didn't know what was going on with him.

There were some repeated words in the sentences in the same paragraph. There were also punctuation errors such as a left off comma or you forgot to uncap the next word after the dialogue. On those you might want to edit it to make it more concise yet say the same thing.

I will give an example of the punctuation errors. Usually a writer does the same thing further on in the work, so you might want to check the rest of it and before these two.

Here> “Can I help you?” A pretty young lady questioned in a friendly voice. (A should be a)
and here:

“Hello. We are planning to buy many items in your store, and I guess we will choose medical supplies first.” I said shyly. (comma goes before the last quote)

There were many sentences that started with I, but I was relieved to see that many weren't. Changing it helps keep the writing fresh.

*Burstp* Personal Comments/Suggestions: When I first started reading this, I had pre-conceived ideas about it. I thought it might be yet another story about how two people met and fell in love. AS wonderful as it is, usually it's a "you had to be there" to understand event. I was happy to see that it was much more than that.

The interesting thing is this was set in a time that most of us haven't seen, but only heard about, yet with the descriptions it felt real.

Thanks for sharing.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.

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434
434
Review of Two Ordinary Men  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
~~ *Heart* ~~


Hello Elle,
I found your item while surfing WDC for items to read and review.


For disclaimer, pass cursor here: *Smile*

*Bulletv* TITLE, PREMISE, CONTENT: The title is appropriate for the content of the item. This piece is about two men who entered the service but also had many other connections. It is about their life both in and out of the service and whose lives they touched.

So often we don't hear about such things, and don't know what's going on in someone's (a serviceman's) life.

*Bulletv* FORMAT/FLOW: The format could use some help. although it is paragraphed, some are two long. More on this later.

The word choice is simple enough and anyone can understand them, but there is so much details given at one time. Reader tends to get lost in the sentences.

*Bulletv* I liked that the writer used the red and blue colors to differentiate between who was doing what and when. The last few paragraphs are another color.

I also liked that this was a tribute to these men and how they served their country.

The centered information at the bottom lets us know who these men were and their official position in the service. The bold letters help it stand out.

*Bulletv* MIGHT NEEDED EDITING: I couldn't tell if there were any misspelled words. The truth is I ended up skimming through and gleaning what I thought was important parts of it when I got to the long paragraphs. It was just too much to read and comprehend at one time.

I would break them up into smaller ones, keeping like thoughts together.


Also, where this sentence begins. there is no line spacing between the previous paragraph and the excerpt>
We were the leading glider of a formation on that trip, the head-quarters glider. Trouble started when a parachute in the back opened up

*Thought* SUGGESTIONS/COMMENTS: I would write out some of the numbers, except things like dates and other things you normally wouldn't write out.

Overall this was a good read, but it could use some editing.

Let me know if you edit or revise this item so I can raise the rating a bit more.
Thanks for sharing.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.

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435
435
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Please realize that anything I say here is just my opinion alone. Only you know how you wish to express something. I am only here to offer encouragement and help should you need it.{/i}
*Angel* Hello again 2serious,
I'm here to read your item, but also give you a review.
*Compass* Title:
Appropriate
*Bulletv* Premise: An encounter at the teller machine.
*Bulletv* Format: It looked good on the page. nicely paragraphed. Good line spacing.
*Bulletv* Flow: The words chosen are easy to read and understand. The sequence of events seem logical too. .
*Bird* Liked/favorite parts: I liked the questions that you bring up about why this other person took the money that wasn't hers. Unfortunately, some people have no integrity.

*Idea* Might need edit/revision:
the word forget should probably forgot (when she got her groceries and the reciept)
Also you wrote she put it in the back, but I think you meant bank.

The questions are legit but you might want to use commas so you can combine some of them in one sentence.


*Thought* Personal Comments/Other Suggestions: I"m sorry that this happened. It's an easy mistake. I had it happen at a hardware store which was about to close.

By the time I remembered my mistake, the doors had closed and I was on the phone calling them. They never found the money but did give me a discount on my next purchase. It was my fault though. And I needed that money.

When I have too much happening around me, I tend to lose things or forget. Seems like there is so much to remember these days. When did our lives get so busy with a card for everything? I'm betting I could wallpaper my bedroom wall with all the cards I have had to get for grocery stores, banks, auto club, etc. I might have to put a filing cabinet on wheels one day and a steering wheel too.

Sorry. I'm being a bit facetious. Can't help myself.

Anyway, You did a good job on this item. I can see an improvement in your writing.

Thank you for sharing. I hope that this review was helpful.
*Star* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.

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436
436
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Note: You might want to take a look at this first. "A Message from Your Reviewer
You can ignore the message above.

Hello again 2Serious,
I revisited your page while looking through old reviews. I found that item I had reviewed and sent a message, not realizing you edited the item and put it in this new item area.

*Thought* SUGGESTIONS AND OTHER COMMENTS: I'll say it again. This was a fun read. I'm glad you edited it because it looks so much better now with its paragraphs and line spacing.

You might want to put the original title up there and then explain in the description it's an edited version as of whatever date you did it.

Anyway, I loved the humor and the details you added to this.

Write more like it, okay. I need something to read. :)

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.
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437
437
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I re-read this and I'm not sure if you edited it or not, but this still makes me laugh. Now I have to give it a higher rating because there's not too much that makes me laugh every time I see it. And I can appreciate that.


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438
438
Review of Hope?  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)

Hello Jack--Save me from Myself,
*Tulipp*

I was looking through your port and found this *Gold*. I might as well read and review it. Keep in mind that anything I mention is only my opinion. I only review what I like, and send this review with the idea of helping and offering encouragement, rather than criticism. Please consider my suggestions and take only what works for you and leave the rest behind. That being said, here is my impression.

Title: Judging by the question mark. I believe this asks a question.
Premise: It's a bit obscure but I think the person has been severely let down.
Format: The format is okay. It is split up some, maybe to emphasize the premise.
Flow: The word choice is simple ones, but the thoughts seem abstract.

*Poseyv* What I liked: The first few lines had some description in it. That allowed us to see what the character is doing, but also set a mood.

*Poseyp* What might need edit and/or revision:I would try to make this more clearer. Although I realize something isn't right, I am not sure how to fix it. \

There were a lot of questions asked midway through the item.

*Idea* I'm pretty sure the rose is symbolic. Either that or I am reading way too much into this. That tends to happen with art also.


*Burstp* Personal Comments/Suggestions:My guess is that this "rose" would be the ideal mate, this one he longs for. The person in the poem has already experienced the thorns, and wonders if he will ever see the "rose". On the other hand, I might be way off. I simply couldn't tell which made more sense to me.

Considering the bolded sentences. I'd Sometimes someone took a chance and returned to wherever this is and things didn't turn out so good.


Thanks for sharing this with us.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.
Hope
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439
439
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)

Hello Maryann,
I was hunting around in your port for something g to read and review and found this.

For disclaimer, pass cursor here: *Smile*

*Bulletv* TITLE, PREMISE, CONTENT: The title is fitting.
Brother and sister decide to discover what might be found in the forest. While there they find a strange looking object.

*Bulletv* FORMAT/FLOW: the format works well for this with its paragraphing and appropriate line spacing. Words and sentences are written in a way which is easy to read and understand.

*Bulletv* I LIKED: I liked how the children were portrayed and interacted like children do. There is a playfulness.

The tension started when the children discover the strange looking object. It increases when a door opens and a being greets them. She seems friendly enough but as events sometimes happen. Things are not as they seem. Still the children are curious although cautious.


The writer has foreshadowed by way of the mention of the sunflower seeds which end up helping their journey later. It adds interest that the boy had scolded his sistèr for making messes.

*Pencil* MIGHT NEED EDITING: There isn't much I'd want to change about this item.
The story is reminiscent of the Hansel and Gretal story. Yet different enough to make it fresh and interesting.

I might have chosen a few of the words in the story for the title.

*Thought* SUGGESTIONS AND OTHER COMMENTS:
There were some areas where the sentences led with she then showed her doing something. To avoid repetition. It might be good to reword it while saying the same thing. Sometimes the character is moving about and it can be used as the introductory clause.

The alien ended up restrained in that place where the girl would have been. I'm still wondering if the woman's friends might show up there or the craft would be rediscovered. Yet the answer to that isn't. Necessary.

This was fun to read. Thanks for sharing.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.
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440
440
Review of Once Upon A Time  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Taryn,
*Tulipp*

I'm here to read and review your item. Keep in mind that anything I mention is only my opinion. I only review what I like, and send this review with the idea of helping and offering encouragement, rather than criticism. Please consider my suggestions and take only what works for you and leave the rest behind. That being said, here is my impression.

Title: The title causes interest in the reader although this has been used many times.
Premise: A feeling of loss is revealed.

Format: The poem is written in one long segment. I'd break this up in certain places. like right after a given thought is expressed, and then use line spacing and then continue where it was left off.

You wrote:
Once upon a time in a not so distant land,
there was a woman who had fallen in love
with a knight of a man.
Her love, as true and rare as diamonds.
Her dreams, sparkling like gold ; (extra space unneeded)
fueled her hunger for happiness untold.

* {there was a hint of rhythm and rhyme there but is not continued below)

She thought nothing could shake her incredulous faith
that love conquered all. (maybe where might be a better word her than that)
Until one day her infallible knight
told her a tale of infidelity,
of two ships passing in the night.
And just like a piece of coal that cooled
after coming alive in a blaze of fire;
her dreams had been reduced to ashes
of unfulfilled desires.
Her heart like a rock
thrown into still waters that run deep,
sank so low she couldn’t breathe.
Her knight in shining armor had turned out to be a cad.

Flow: The sequence of expression seems appropriate as things seem to change from better to worse.
The words used and how they are arranged are easy to read and understand.

*Poseyv* What I liked: I liked that she was able to move on, even though it hurt her. Not everyone can do that, and those that can find an inner strength to do that.

*Poseyp* What might need edit and/or revision: I would reword it a little, and try to make it more concise while saying the same things.

Two ships passing in the night is well known idiom, and a little bit cliche. You might want to make up your own like that with the same meaning. Think about what other things pass by each other without recognizing the other. I'm thinking of drivers along a one lane highway. or the shooting stars in the night sky.

*Burstp* Personal Comments/Suggestions: I liked the rhyme in this but it's mostly at the beginning and end.
I would reverse the last lines so it ends on a positive note.

If this is a personal experience, I'm sorry for your loss. It can be heartbreaking when you invest your time and energy but mostly your love and then have to let go of it.

Thanks for sharing.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.

Please click on the link to be taken to our group homepage, if you care to leave thanks, comments, or requests for reviews.
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441
441
Review of Flickering Love  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Please realize that anything I say here is just my opinion alone. Only you know how you wish to express something. I am only here to offer encouragement and help should you need it.

*Tulipv* Hello Myopensud,
I'm here to read your item, but also give you a review.

*Tulipp* BASICS
Title: . Good

Premise:. The firefly and the star have an encounter.

Format:. It is done in stanzas with appropriate line spacing between each.

Flow:. There is rhyming in this yet some words look okay but aren't really rhyming. Nice try though.

*Burstp* What I liked:
. The firefly had high hopes and it's spirits were lifted as the shiny star shone brightly maybe even twinkled but sadly the star watched as the firefly fell away.just the sheer size between the two is contrasting which makes this an interesting pair. The distance also is apparent. Could be that even though the firefly wishes to join the star, he or she will try anyway regardless Iof the difficulty.

This seems to happen in real life too. You reach for the stars. Yet it seems like you never get there.

*Burstr* What felt like it needed editing and revision:. The stanzas are all different lengths. Some are five lines and some are six. Etc.
I would make this more concise by having then either equal or show a pattern of it.

*Thought* Personal Comments/Other Suggestions:
Funny that I found this item because I was just thinking a our fireflies last night when I could t sleep.

I remembered seeing them when I was a little girl. Sometimes I'd just stand out there in the dark watching them floating around like in a cloud.

I was so delighted by it that i had decided to capture them and use them to make a lantern.

Unfortunately my brother told me that they would die if i tried to keep them in a jar and that only if I removed their back end would they light.
You can guess what happened.

Yes those poor little fireflies died. Plus the part that lights up wouldn't. And so I never tried that again.

I hope that this review was helpful.

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Review of Rise Up  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)

Please realize that anything I say here is just my opinion alone. Only you know how you wish to express something. I am only here to offer encouragement and help should you need it.

*Coffeeg* Hello again Thomas Seeker,

I'm here to read your item, but also give you a review.

*Tulipp* BASICS
Title: . It works for the content of the item.
Premise:. The message is clear. Do not fear death.

Format:. The item looks attractive on the page with its white spacing

Flow:. The sequence of lines helps us understands what this is about. It is written In easy to read words.

*Burstp* What I liked:
there is a feeling of reassurance that although the body expires. There is more to it than just that alone.

*Burstr* What felt like it needed editing and revision:

Where it says >now we live though you. I wondered if that should ha e been through you instead.

There might have been a need for commas in some parts.

*Thought* Personal Comments/Other Suggestions:

You have created some inspirational messages which almost anyone can appreciate.
I hope that this review was helpful.

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Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.0)
SHADOWMOON
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Note: You might want to take a look at this first. "A Message from Your Reviewer

Please realize that anything I say here is just my opinion alone. Only you know how you wish to express something. I am only here to offer encouragement and help should you need it.
*Clock* Hello again db,
I'm here to read your item, but also give you a review. I know I reviewed this but noticed the content area was blank. Not sure how that happened so here I am to give you another review. I wonder where my review went to?

*Burstv* Title:
Good
*Burstb* Premise: Comfort food and the people who like it.
*Burstp* Format/Flow: Nice spacing and appropriate separation of stanzas.


*Bulletv* What I liked/ What needed edit and revise:
There are names mentioned and each has their food and then a bit about them and how they relate to the food item.

There were some places that needed to be uncapped like Pasta.
Thin as a bed felt odd to me. Not sure how a bed is thin.
Thread might work though. thin as a thread.

*Thought* Personal Comments/Other Suggestions:

Nice rhyme and rhythm to this piece.
Bravo for your effort and creativity. I hope that this review was helpful.
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Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Note: You might want to take a look at this first. "A Message from Your Reviewer
*Moon* Hello there 2serious,
I was looking around on WDC for something interesting to read and re view and I found this. It looks like you're fairly new to the site and writing, but that's okay. We all have to start somewhere.

Keep in mind that anything I mention is only my opinion. I only review what I like, and send this review with the idea of helping and offering encouragement, rather than criticism. Please consider my suggestions and take only what works for you and leave the rest behind. That being said, here is my impression.


*Bulletb* Title: The title fits the content of the item.
*Bulletb* Premise: The prompt is being stuck in a public bathroom.
*Bulletb* Format/Flow: Writer does have some line spacing between paragraphs, but I'd break this up a little bit more, while keeping related thoughts together in a realistic fashion.

It is easier to read smaller paragraphs, but you could have some brief ones and then a longer one. Remember that all dialogue needs its own paragraph. Use " and " for that and space between each set of dialogue if you do.


*Heart* I liked: I liked the lead up to where the woman is stuck in the stall. We have a rise of tension as she gets prescribed some medicine which will cause her to tinkle more often.

*Pencil* Suggestions: You kept on topic and used the prompt well. All you need to do is change it so it's not all telling, but showing instead. It makes it feel more immediate when you show us like we are there with you as the character.

*Thought* Comments: I like that we see the woman's thoughts. Often this is indicated with italics.

Nice start on storytelling. This could be a really hilarious story i you increased the horrifying experience. Think of Lucy on I love Lucy show. She was always getting herself in weird predicaments.

I thought maybe she'd first attempt to climb over the bathroom stall, only to have her foot slip off the toilet seat and into the toilet seat. This will have the "eww" effect. I would totally gross out if I had to crawl under the bathroom stall in some public places. Who knows what's down there, which came in on other shoes or any other way.

But then she has a brilliant idea of sliding underneath the door. And if she got stuck she might then have to figure out how to squeeze herself through there before anyone comes in and notices. If she happened to have something in her backpack or other bag that could help with that all the better. Maybe at first before she came to work, she could have stopped at the store or just picking up something left in the car, which one of her kids never had put back.

To increase tension, she might hear muffled voices that come near, a door creaks open slightly, and then just as quickly stop as whoever it is gets called away. This provides a build up of tension, then relief, then build up again.

This would allow for an awfully embarassing position when she ends up stuck.
These are all just ideas if you chose to build on this story, but the premise is there for you to play with. This is a good starting point.
Also I would write out most of those numbers.
20 twenty
16 sixteen

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Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Note: You might want to take a look at this first. "A Message from Your Reviewer
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*Sun* Hello there,

I found your item and decided to read and review it. Keep in mind that anything I mention is only my opinion. I only review what I like, and send this review with the idea of helping and offering encouragement, rather than criticism. Please consider my suggestions and take only what works for you and leave the rest behind. That being said, here is my impression.

*Burstr* Title:
*Burstr* Premise:
*Burstr* Format:
*Burstr* Flow:
*Burstr* What I liked:

*Pencil* Might edit/revise:

*Thought* Comments/Suggestions:

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Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.0)

*Bird*

Hello db,
I found your item on your port, and I'm glad I did.


For disclaimer, pass cursor here: *Smile*
*Star* Here we see a captain going on a fun journey with animals, albeit a fantasy where animals can do more than the usual things.

IMPRESSION: The title fits the content of the item. There is a rhythm and rhyme going on in it yet in some places it's off just a tiny bit.

The names were effective.
*Idea* SUGGESTIONS AND OTHER COMMENTS:

The cook on should probably be The cook on board
first mate, a rabbit, named Daisy (uncap rabbit as it is a noun not a pronoun)

What is vegetable food? Maybe could make this vegetable soup?

The piece has a fun feel to it, where nothing really bad happens, although the ants met their own demise.
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.

*Heart* Dreamin1
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Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello there Thomas Seeker,
*Tulipp*

I dropped by your portfolio and was looking around to see what new items you might have and found this. I decided to read and review it.

It's odd that after not being here for a while that I came across this because even today this idea applies to a personal interaction I had earlier.

I only review what causes me to think and feel something. I send this review with the idea of helping and offering encouragement, rather than criticism. Please consider my suggestions and take only what works for you and leave the rest behind. That being said, here is my impression.

First of all, you might want to rate this so it's made public to more members. Your title is rated but the content isn't.

Title: Appropriate.
Premise: The different parts of ourselves that make us a whole person.
Format: Pretty much good. Nice spacing between paragraphs, plus there is some indented lists.
The title was offset more than I thought it might be, but that could be personal preference on the authors part.
Flow: Nice explanation of what this will be about, plus you go into more detail to explain your idea.

*Poseyv* What I liked: The thought process here breaks it down so anyone can understand and also apply it to themself if they want to. A lot of times people try to ignore those parts of themself they feel is ugly or useless. And often times hate themselves for even knowing they exist. It could be something that doesn't serve a person well or vice versa, which also has other feelings with it. It could make the person feel uncomfortable rather than excepting what "is", and either doing something about it like apologizing or letting it go. Instead of labeling it. (at least that's one thing this reviewer got out of this).

*Poseyp* What might need edit and/or revision: I found a few areas that needed editing. It was nothing major though, and can easily be fixed.

The first sentence bothered me for some reason. I think it's because it reads "all their characteristics", but you named two. A few words saying you would focus on those two might make it better, even though you have the two words there.

Here: When you hide away, repress, or bury these impulses see you begin to create your shadow, or your inner monster. (the word 'see' isn't reading right here but it could be that the author is more present like he's saying "see what I mean". In that case, I would add a few commas. one before and one after "see".

Here: We were all force (I think you meant forced)
Here: What I intent (I think you meant intend)

There is a place in this where you used the word 'lot', but I think you meant to write> a lot. (for me it should be one word but the right way is used in two words). I think it's at the end of one of the paragraphs, yet I can't find it now.

There was a need for some commas on introductory clauses, etc. Also some places had commas where it didn't need it.

* If ignored, they will come out.

* Love was the experienced (experience?)

Also I would break that sentence up.
Love was the experience. You grew and

I just noticed the word experience appeared twice in two sentences in the same paragraph. You might want to reword it and maybe make it more concise and then you won't have to use it but once. Think of another word that might be used instead (if there is one).
*Idea* The demonstration about the kitten helped create a visual to understand how different perspectives bring about different actions. The caring/non caring could be labeled as good or bad.

*Burstp* Personal Comments/Suggestions: It makes me think of how many times I've chosen to sit back and let events unfold or develop on their own, yet at the same time struggled with that. Sometimes it's the other way around and I want to prevent something from happening, or encourage it. It's also a frame of mind. We might think things that aren't true at all but unless we can understand we might not know that.

People tend to label things in life. It's hard to see our loved ones making choices or doing things which ultimately affect others in ways that might not serve them well. What do we do? We can't live other people's lives for them, but we can be responsible for our own choices and lives and also allow ourselves to experience ourselves fully.

That means that if we realize that something we said, did, or felt (or something we didn't say, do, or feel?) didn't work out so well for us or someone else, we can always make new choices. I hope that makes sense to someone other than just me, but it is what it is. :)
On a personal note, I had a choice today and decided to voice those thoughts and now both myself and the other person interacted in a more productive way because of it.

Please keep writing. The topics are interesting and informative.

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Review of Second Chance  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Please realize that anything I say here is just my opinion alone. Only you know how you wish to express something. I am only here to offer encouragement and help should you need it.

*Tulipv* Hello Bobbi,
I found your item while surfing around in WDC. I'm here to read your item, but also give you a review.

*Tulipp* BASICS
Title: The title fits the content of the item.
Premise: A doctor has a second chance when the woman who disappeared shows up in the ER.
Format/Flow: The paragraphing was fine with its line spacing and proper lengths. the sentences were varied enough to create a rhythm.

*Burstp* What I liked:
Often times writers don't use dialogue and it's a shame, but here you do include it as well as flashbacks. I read that flashbacks shouldn't be that long but this was easy to read and understand when we were in the past and when we were in the present.

The character's emotions seemed natural as we see him move about in his daily life and deal with a lot of emotion.

The transition was appropriate as Joe had to really figure out how he felt and what he needed to do, if anything.

*Burstr* What felt like it needed editing and revision: I am not sure what I would change about it. I didn't see any glaring errors in it or misspelled words. The little bit of terminology used seemed correct and was easy enough to figure out and understand.

I might have included a bit more about Joe's futile search for her, like where he went and what close calls he had during that time. This could build up the tension as just as he thinks he found her, it's a dead end.

*Thought* Personal Comments/Other Suggestions: This is one of those stories that you start reading and have to keep reading because you aren't sure what's going to happen next.

It has a beginning, middle, and end, plus there are some nice details (imagery) in it so that the reader feels like he or she is there.


I could see how there could be a group of stories just about the lives of the doctors and what they see and how they might have a connection with those being cared for. Or it could be about this particular hospital. or even just Joe's life afterward. Just an idea.
I hope that this review was helpful.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.

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Review of Night Time  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Moon* Hello there Nicole,
I found your item and decided to read and review it. Keep in mind that anything I mention is only my opinion. I only review what I like, and send this review with the idea of helping and offering encouragement, rather than criticism. Please consider my suggestions and take only what works for you and leave the rest behind. That being said, here is my impression.

*Bulletb* Title: The title is appropriate and fits the content of the item.
*Bulletb* Premise: Someone is watching the night sky.
*Bulletb* Format/Flow: The format on this could use a little editing. I'm not sure but maybe some line spacing between stanzas or at least centering it. You'd have to play with it a little to see what works best.
*Heart* I liked: Nice imagery. stars glittering like jewels on black velvet. It made me think of a jeweler showcasing his item on the jeweler's cloth.
Shooting stars are like fireworks.

*Pencil* Suggestions: The man in the moon, should be man on the moon I think.
Description of the item could be enhanced. Maybe something along the line of:

Showcase of the night.

*Thought* Comments: The trio of words near the end give this a nice cozy feeling. The person is happy and content, even if we don't know why. Nice use of rhythm there.

Thanks for sharing this joyful item.

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Review of Broken  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)

*Tulipv* Hello my friend Hunters moon,

I happened to notice this on the Hub.
Title: made me curious
Premise: words can hurt
Format: perfect form for the requirement.
Flow: words were carefully chosen which makes the item both meaningful and concise.

*Burstv* What I liked most:. It said five for five. I wasnt sure what that meant but then i noticed why. It is five lines but each line is five syllables.
good job on this.
*Burstbl* Where I found errors, typos, or other things that might need edit and revision:. I did not find anything I wanted to change.

*Burstv* Other Personal Comments:. How true it is when words said in haste seem to be everlasting.
Thanks for sharing.

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