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3,598 Public Reviews Given
4,175 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I look at the title, premise, overall structure first. Then I see how it makes me feel. After that, I might comment on little errors which are easily fixed.
I'm good at...
Hmm. Well you'd have to ask the one being reviewed what that be.
Favorite Genres
Paranormal, spy/detective, sci-fi, romantic suspense (hey I'm female and entitled). documentary, psychological and more.
Least Favorite Genres
Anything too gorey depending on how it's done. I don't need every little detail.
Favorite Item Types
First tell me what an item type is. haha
Least Favorite Item Types
An item has to make sense even if it uses fantasy ideas.
I will not review...
I don't like where some writer crammed six long chapters into one item area. I also don't like it if the paragraphs are so long you lose your place reading it. If you don't want me to lose interest and give up, break it up into sections and link it to the next exciting chapters. Nobody wants to sit through a detailed story for hours without a break.
Public Reviews
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451
451
Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
SHADOWMOON
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Note: You might want to take a look at this first. "A Message from Your ReviewerOpen in new Window.

Please realize that anything I say here is just my opinion alone. Only you know how you wish to express something. I am only here to offer encouragement and help should you need it.
*Clock* Hello again db,
I'm here to read your item, but also give you a review. I know I reviewed this but noticed the content area was blank. Not sure how that happened so here I am to give you another review. I wonder where my review went to?

*Burstv* Title:
Good
*Burstb* Premise: Comfort food and the people who like it.
*Burstp* Format/Flow: Nice spacing and appropriate separation of stanzas.


*Bulletv* What I liked/ What needed edit and revise:
There are names mentioned and each has their food and then a bit about them and how they relate to the food item.

There were some places that needed to be uncapped like Pasta.
Thin as a bed felt odd to me. Not sure how a bed is thin.
Thread might work though. thin as a thread.

*Thought* Personal Comments/Other Suggestions:

Nice rhyme and rhythm to this piece.
Bravo for your effort and creativity. I hope that this review was helpful.
*Bulletv* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go NoticedOpen in new Window..


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
452
452
Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Note: You might want to take a look at this first. "A Message from Your ReviewerOpen in new Window.
*Moon* Hello there 2serious,
I was looking around on WDC for something interesting to read and re view and I found this. It looks like you're fairly new to the site and writing, but that's okay. We all have to start somewhere.

Keep in mind that anything I mention is only my opinion. I only review what I like, and send this review with the idea of helping and offering encouragement, rather than criticism. Please consider my suggestions and take only what works for you and leave the rest behind. That being said, here is my impression.


*Bulletb* Title: The title fits the content of the item.
*Bulletb* Premise: The prompt is being stuck in a public bathroom.
*Bulletb* Format/Flow: Writer does have some line spacing between paragraphs, but I'd break this up a little bit more, while keeping related thoughts together in a realistic fashion.

It is easier to read smaller paragraphs, but you could have some brief ones and then a longer one. Remember that all dialogue needs its own paragraph. Use " and " for that and space between each set of dialogue if you do.


*Heart* I liked: I liked the lead up to where the woman is stuck in the stall. We have a rise of tension as she gets prescribed some medicine which will cause her to tinkle more often.

*Pencil* Suggestions: You kept on topic and used the prompt well. All you need to do is change it so it's not all telling, but showing instead. It makes it feel more immediate when you show us like we are there with you as the character.

*Thought* Comments: I like that we see the woman's thoughts. Often this is indicated with italics.

Nice start on storytelling. This could be a really hilarious story i you increased the horrifying experience. Think of Lucy on I love Lucy show. She was always getting herself in weird predicaments.

I thought maybe she'd first attempt to climb over the bathroom stall, only to have her foot slip off the toilet seat and into the toilet seat. This will have the "eww" effect. I would totally gross out if I had to crawl under the bathroom stall in some public places. Who knows what's down there, which came in on other shoes or any other way.

But then she has a brilliant idea of sliding underneath the door. And if she got stuck she might then have to figure out how to squeeze herself through there before anyone comes in and notices. If she happened to have something in her backpack or other bag that could help with that all the better. Maybe at first before she came to work, she could have stopped at the store or just picking up something left in the car, which one of her kids never had put back.

To increase tension, she might hear muffled voices that come near, a door creaks open slightly, and then just as quickly stop as whoever it is gets called away. This provides a build up of tension, then relief, then build up again.

This would allow for an awfully embarassing position when she ends up stuck.
These are all just ideas if you chose to build on this story, but the premise is there for you to play with. This is a good starting point.
Also I would write out most of those numbers.
20 twenty
16 sixteen

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453
453
Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Note: You might want to take a look at this first. "A Message from Your ReviewerOpen in new Window.
Please click on the link to be taken to our group homepage, if you care to leave thanks, comments, or requests for reviews.

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*Sun* Hello there,

I found your item and decided to read and review it. Keep in mind that anything I mention is only my opinion. I only review what I like, and send this review with the idea of helping and offering encouragement, rather than criticism. Please consider my suggestions and take only what works for you and leave the rest behind. That being said, here is my impression.

*Burstr* Title:
*Burstr* Premise:
*Burstr* Format:
*Burstr* Flow:
*Burstr* What I liked:

*Pencil* Might edit/revise:

*Thought* Comments/Suggestions:

This item is being considered for "Good Deeds Go NoticedOpen in new Window..


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
454
454
Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)

*Bird*

Hello db,
I found your item on your port, and I'm glad I did.


For disclaimer, pass cursor here: *Smile*
*Star* Here we see a captain going on a fun journey with animals, albeit a fantasy where animals can do more than the usual things.

IMPRESSION: The title fits the content of the item. There is a rhythm and rhyme going on in it yet in some places it's off just a tiny bit.

The names were effective.
*Idea* SUGGESTIONS AND OTHER COMMENTS:

The cook on should probably be The cook on board
first mate, a rabbit, named Daisy (uncap rabbit as it is a noun not a pronoun)

What is vegetable food? Maybe could make this vegetable soup?

The piece has a fun feel to it, where nothing really bad happens, although the ants met their own demise.
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go NoticedOpen in new Window..

*Heart* Dreamin1
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455
455
Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello there Thomas Seeker,
*Tulipp*

I dropped by your portfolio and was looking around to see what new items you might have and found this. I decided to read and review it.

It's odd that after not being here for a while that I came across this because even today this idea applies to a personal interaction I had earlier.

I only review what causes me to think and feel something. I send this review with the idea of helping and offering encouragement, rather than criticism. Please consider my suggestions and take only what works for you and leave the rest behind. That being said, here is my impression.

First of all, you might want to rate this so it's made public to more members. Your title is rated but the content isn't.

Title: Appropriate.
Premise: The different parts of ourselves that make us a whole person.
Format: Pretty much good. Nice spacing between paragraphs, plus there is some indented lists.
The title was offset more than I thought it might be, but that could be personal preference on the authors part.
Flow: Nice explanation of what this will be about, plus you go into more detail to explain your idea.

*Poseyv* What I liked: The thought process here breaks it down so anyone can understand and also apply it to themself if they want to. A lot of times people try to ignore those parts of themself they feel is ugly or useless. And often times hate themselves for even knowing they exist. It could be something that doesn't serve a person well or vice versa, which also has other feelings with it. It could make the person feel uncomfortable rather than excepting what "is", and either doing something about it like apologizing or letting it go. Instead of labeling it. (at least that's one thing this reviewer got out of this).

*Poseyp* What might need edit and/or revision: I found a few areas that needed editing. It was nothing major though, and can easily be fixed.

The first sentence bothered me for some reason. I think it's because it reads "all their characteristics", but you named two. A few words saying you would focus on those two might make it better, even though you have the two words there.

Here: When you hide away, repress, or bury these impulses see you begin to create your shadow, or your inner monster. (the word 'see' isn't reading right here but it could be that the author is more present like he's saying "see what I mean". In that case, I would add a few commas. one before and one after "see".

Here: We were all force (I think you meant forced)
Here: What I intent (I think you meant intend)

There is a place in this where you used the word 'lot', but I think you meant to write> a lot. (for me it should be one word but the right way is used in two words). I think it's at the end of one of the paragraphs, yet I can't find it now.

There was a need for some commas on introductory clauses, etc. Also some places had commas where it didn't need it.

* If ignored, they will come out.

* Love was the experienced (experience?)

Also I would break that sentence up.
Love was the experience. You grew and

I just noticed the word experience appeared twice in two sentences in the same paragraph. You might want to reword it and maybe make it more concise and then you won't have to use it but once. Think of another word that might be used instead (if there is one).
*Idea* The demonstration about the kitten helped create a visual to understand how different perspectives bring about different actions. The caring/non caring could be labeled as good or bad.

*Burstp* Personal Comments/Suggestions: It makes me think of how many times I've chosen to sit back and let events unfold or develop on their own, yet at the same time struggled with that. Sometimes it's the other way around and I want to prevent something from happening, or encourage it. It's also a frame of mind. We might think things that aren't true at all but unless we can understand we might not know that.

People tend to label things in life. It's hard to see our loved ones making choices or doing things which ultimately affect others in ways that might not serve them well. What do we do? We can't live other people's lives for them, but we can be responsible for our own choices and lives and also allow ourselves to experience ourselves fully.

That means that if we realize that something we said, did, or felt (or something we didn't say, do, or feel?) didn't work out so well for us or someone else, we can always make new choices. I hope that makes sense to someone other than just me, but it is what it is. :)
On a personal note, I had a choice today and decided to voice those thoughts and now both myself and the other person interacted in a more productive way because of it.

Please keep writing. The topics are interesting and informative.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go NoticedOpen in new Window..

Please click on the link to be taken to our group homepage, if you care to leave thanks, comments, or requests for reviews.
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456
Review of Second Chance  Open in new Window.
Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Please realize that anything I say here is just my opinion alone. Only you know how you wish to express something. I am only here to offer encouragement and help should you need it.

*Tulipv* Hello Bobbi,
I found your item while surfing around in WDC. I'm here to read your item, but also give you a review.

*Tulipp* BASICS
Title: The title fits the content of the item.
Premise: A doctor has a second chance when the woman who disappeared shows up in the ER.
Format/Flow: The paragraphing was fine with its line spacing and proper lengths. the sentences were varied enough to create a rhythm.

*Burstp* What I liked:
Often times writers don't use dialogue and it's a shame, but here you do include it as well as flashbacks. I read that flashbacks shouldn't be that long but this was easy to read and understand when we were in the past and when we were in the present.

The character's emotions seemed natural as we see him move about in his daily life and deal with a lot of emotion.

The transition was appropriate as Joe had to really figure out how he felt and what he needed to do, if anything.

*Burstr* What felt like it needed editing and revision: I am not sure what I would change about it. I didn't see any glaring errors in it or misspelled words. The little bit of terminology used seemed correct and was easy enough to figure out and understand.

I might have included a bit more about Joe's futile search for her, like where he went and what close calls he had during that time. This could build up the tension as just as he thinks he found her, it's a dead end.

*Thought* Personal Comments/Other Suggestions: This is one of those stories that you start reading and have to keep reading because you aren't sure what's going to happen next.

It has a beginning, middle, and end, plus there are some nice details (imagery) in it so that the reader feels like he or she is there.


I could see how there could be a group of stories just about the lives of the doctors and what they see and how they might have a connection with those being cared for. Or it could be about this particular hospital. or even just Joe's life afterward. Just an idea.
I hope that this review was helpful.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go NoticedOpen in new Window..

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457
457
Review of Night Time  Open in new Window.
Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Moon* Hello there Nicole,
I found your item and decided to read and review it. Keep in mind that anything I mention is only my opinion. I only review what I like, and send this review with the idea of helping and offering encouragement, rather than criticism. Please consider my suggestions and take only what works for you and leave the rest behind. That being said, here is my impression.

*Bulletb* Title: The title is appropriate and fits the content of the item.
*Bulletb* Premise: Someone is watching the night sky.
*Bulletb* Format/Flow: The format on this could use a little editing. I'm not sure but maybe some line spacing between stanzas or at least centering it. You'd have to play with it a little to see what works best.
*Heart* I liked: Nice imagery. stars glittering like jewels on black velvet. It made me think of a jeweler showcasing his item on the jeweler's cloth.
Shooting stars are like fireworks.

*Pencil* Suggestions: The man in the moon, should be man on the moon I think.
Description of the item could be enhanced. Maybe something along the line of:

Showcase of the night.

*Thought* Comments: The trio of words near the end give this a nice cozy feeling. The person is happy and content, even if we don't know why. Nice use of rhythm there.

Thanks for sharing this joyful item.

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458
458
Review of Broken  Open in new Window.
Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)

*Tulipv* Hello my friend Hunters moon,

I happened to notice this on the Hub.
Title: made me curious
Premise: words can hurt
Format: perfect form for the requirement.
Flow: words were carefully chosen which makes the item both meaningful and concise.

*Burstv* What I liked most:. It said five for five. I wasnt sure what that meant but then i noticed why. It is five lines but each line is five syllables.
good job on this.
*Burstbl* Where I found errors, typos, or other things that might need edit and revision:. I did not find anything I wanted to change.

*Burstv* Other Personal Comments:. How true it is when words said in haste seem to be everlasting.
Thanks for sharing.

This item is being considered for "Good Deeds Go NoticedOpen in new Window..
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459
Review of Blinded  Open in new Window.
Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Note: You might want to take a look at this first. "A Message from Your ReviewerOpen in new Window.

Hello Pen Name,

I wish you had a name, yet Im guessing that being anonymous might feel better for some reason.

I happened to see your item on the sidebar here at WDC, and I just had to take a closer look. Needless to say, I'm glad I did. Lets see how many ways I can say WOW.

For disclaimer, pass cursor here: *Smile*

*Bulletv* TITLE, PREMISE, CONTENT: Your one word title caused a curiosity in me, and I knew I had to read more.

Being blind is one thing, but being blind in a world of forever dark well that's hard to know what it's like unless you experience it. Yet in some ways humanity seems as if we are in the dark, and walking about blindly.

*Bulletv* FORMAT/FLOW: paragraphing was well done with it's proper line spacing. The thought sequence seemed on target also.

*Bulletv* I LIKED: I liked the psychological bend to this. The writer gently helps us focus on this dark and seemingly meaningless existence. At the same time, we wonder how this could happen and why.

There is a omniscient quality to this piece, yet at the same time we see the character walking about blindly, and yet we get to see things that he sees, yet it too includes us.

The character's experience saddens him yet this observing is what he must do, until at least a sliver of light appears and grows, and with it understanding and all good things develop.

The last part about walking ties it all together. The last line is hopeful and powerful too.
I hope some day to walk until I find the light.

*Pencil* MIGHT NEED EDITING: I didn't feel as if anything needed to be changed.
*Thought* SUGGESTIONS AND OTHER COMMENTS: I very much enjoyed this item. The sadness welled up in me a bit, but the writer was able to draw us back out again.
Thanks for sharing and write again. I look forward to reading more of your items.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go NoticedOpen in new Window..
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460
460
Review of Forever.  Open in new Window.
Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Note: You might want to take a look at this first. "A Message from Your ReviewerOpen in new Window.
Hello SirKnowItAll,
*Tulipp*

I found your item and decided to read and review it. Keep in mind that anything I mention is only my opinion. I only review what I like, and send this review with the idea of helping and offering encouragement, rather than criticism. Please consider my suggestions and take only what works for you and leave the rest behind. That being said, here is my impression.

Title: Okay. but you might want to change it later when you fill this in.
Premise: Someone's life has been in turmoil, and it's because of a woman. Yet another woman gives his humanity back.
Format: It's a very short blurb and so we're not sure where it's going yet.
*Poseyv* What I liked: The premise raises a story question. How did the woman do this? How did the man's life change?

*Poseyp* What might need edit and/or revision: I"d just start writing and see how it goes. You already have the premise

*Burstp* Personal Comments/Suggestions: Because of the mention of a beginning and end to life, which apparently this one doesn't have, I kind of thought this might be a vampire story, but I wasn't sure.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go NoticedOpen in new Window..

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461
461
Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
You might want to first take a look at "A Message from Your ReviewerOpen in new Window.
Please realize that anything I say here is just my opinion alone. Only you know how you wish to express something. I am only here to offer encouragement and help should you need it.{/i}

*Angel* Hello Donald Previe ,
I'm here to read your item, but also give you a review.
*Compass* Title:
Appropriate
*Bulletv* Premise: I am not too sure yet beings this the first chapter, yet judging by your title I could guess.I liked that you
Provided a little background history of these two and their connection.
A good hook At the beginning makes the reader curious but also hints at what the story is about.
A story question makes readers wonder why. Or what happened. This could be the lull before the storm.

Without a hook we are just seeing characters doing somewhat ordinary things in another era.

*Bulletv* Format: It looked good on the page.
*Bulletv* Flow: the words used are easy to read and understand. Nice paragraphing with the line spacing separating each section.
*Bird* Liked/favorite parts: It flows fairly well. It does have an old world feel to it.
*Idea* Might need edit/revision: Although I liked this I really wanted this to have some dialogue. I might have missed it.
I think he might hear the girl call out to somebody or he might hear bits and pieces of the conversation. Even ericsson could briefly converse with our character. What I am saying is to change some of this into scenes.

When the land is mentioned you might want to be more specific about how beautiful it is. What is growing there? Is ther a scent in the air? Use the senses. Are the workers wiping their brow or wearing a bandana or hat? Are they swinging a sickle or gathered under the shade of a tree gulping down water? And there are trees mention what kind of tree? May be it is an elm or an oak Or even a pine tree. Consider the mood you want to create and the location.

Also vivid imagery helps. I liked the mention of the Meaty hand. It heled to visualize Erckson.
Being more specific especially on those events or things that you want the wafer to remember more.
Helps the reader get a hint of what is important.

*Thought* Personal Comments/Other Suggestions:. Nice start to this story.
Thank you for sharing. I hope that this review was helpful.
*Star* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go NoticedOpen in new Window..

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462
462
Review of Left Unheard  Open in new Window.
Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello 13lue,
I found your item while surfing WDC for items to read and review.

For disclaimer, pass cursor here: *Smile*

*Bulletv* TITLE, PREMISE, CONTENT: It fits the content of the item.
A lost love wishes to renew what they had or didn't get to have.
*Bulletv* FORMAT/FLOW: the format looks fine and so does the flow. The lines have a continuance of thought as the person expresses their frustration with how things often went. This time he feels more assured yet at the same time cautious. It's kind of like he has this inner knowing yet the mind says to be careful, and so he is bravely going ahead if given the chance.
*Bulletv* I LIKED: I liked that strong emotions are portrayed but also that it ended on a positive note with hope.
*Pencil* MIGHT NEED EDITING: I didn't see anything that needed editing.
*Thought* SUGGESTIONS AND OTHER COMMENTS: It is a lovely sentiment of thoughts and heartfelt emotions and a looking forward to try yet again. When something means that much to a person, they do keep trying until they know for sure it's just not going to happen.

Good item. Thanks for sharing.
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go NoticedOpen in new Window..
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463
463
Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)

Hello there Katrina,
*Tulipp*

I found your item and decided to read and review it. Keep in mind that anything I mention is only my opinion. I only review what I like, and send this review with the idea of helping and offering encouragement, rather than criticisim. Please consider my suggestions and take only what works for you and leave the rest behind. That being said, here is my impression.

Title: Good. It's appropriate to the content of the item.
Premise: This describes Winter and the longing for it to be Spring.
Format: It looks good with it's 4 line stanzas at the beginning. and the two line stanza near the end.
Flow:

*Poseyv* What I liked: The winters can be very cold and gloomy at times, unless you're the type that likes playing in it. Even so, after a bit it's time to warm up inside a home or cabin or what not. Spring is looked forward to as it's like a new beginning after the new year, and soon everything blossoms, and with it our spirits might rise even more.
You had some good imagery started with: draped with ice.
I'd use more of that. You know how the leaves had turned gold, rust and crimson, then dried up and faded away, then got blown away by the wing.

*Poseyp* What might need edit and/or revision: I didn't see anything that needed revision.

This item has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go NoticedOpen in new Window..{/b}

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Review of The Cabin  Open in new Window.
Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)

~~ *Heart* ~~


Hello 13_lue,
I found your item while surfing WDC for items to read and review.


For disclaimer, pass cursor here: *Smile*

*Bulletv* TITLE, PREMISE, CONTENT: It's simple and effective. The word alone makes me curious. Cabins are interesting and so I wondered what about the cabin might be special.
*Bulletv* FORMAT/FLOW: Good formatting and line spacing, but also a certain rhythm is kept.
*Bulletv* I LIKED How we got to see the inside of it. Nice touches about the wood but it could be more specific too. What kind of wood? Oak maybe or pine?
*Bulletv* MIGHT NEEDED EDITING: There were some words capitalized and I didn't think they should be. I figured that maybe those were words required to use if this was in some kind of contest.
*Thought* SUGGESTIONS/COMMENTS: Nice job on it. The two names sound familiar but at the moment I can't place them. Maybe they were murderers?

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go NoticedOpen in new Window..

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465
465
Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)

Please realize that anything I say here is just my opinion alone. Only you know how you wish to express something. I am only here to offer encouragement and help should you need it.

*Tulipv* Hello Big Bad Wolf,

Where's lil Red at today? Have you seen Grandma?
Owooooo
Anyway, I'm here to read your item, but also give you a review.

*Tulipp* BASICS
Title: What title? Kidding. it's appropriate.
Premise: Thanksgiving day and dinner with friends and family.
Format: Good. I like how part of it is shorter in the middle then gets bigger at the end.
Flow: Words chosen are brief but reveal what's on the dinner menu.
*Burstp* What I liked:
I liked the last line best because it's not really about the food, although it's part of it. but it's about the loved ones and togetherness. I miss it so much. For the longest time, I was used to having that but now that I'm older, nobody wants to do that anymore it seems or some have passed on.

*Burstr* What felt like it needed editing and revision: Thanksgiving doesn't seem normal without pumpkin pie and cool whip or something like that. Is it any wonder we gain weight after the holidays or during.

I might have added another sense to this like scents or sounds.

*Thought* Personal Comments/Other Suggestions:
Too bad I didn't use turkeys on this review. Tradition you know.
I hope that this review was helpful.

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Drop by our group room by clicking on the image below. You can leave comments, thanks, request a review, or even join our team.

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Review of The Haunting  Open in new Window.
Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Jackolantern* Hello there 13lue,
This is your Dream Team Halloween review. You may have received other reviews because you were either gifted by someone or won the item in a Dream Team raffle or other event. That being said, here is my impression.

*Ghost* Title/Premise: Appropriate title. A man loves someone and believes their love is special.

*Pumpkin* Format: I like the four line stanzas with its line spacing between each stanza.

*Cat* Flow/Rhyme/Rhythm: It flows fairly well as the words chosen are easy to understand for the most part. (explanation further on)

*Witchhat* Impression: Nice expression of the sureness one feels when they are in love.

*Witchhat* I liked: I liked that this was positive, yet there were some areas where negativity was mentioned. I might have kept that consistant as far as being positive.

*Idea* Might need edit/revision:
I stumbled a little here and read it three times to make sure I understood. There was three negatives in this (never/don't/couldn't), and so it was a bit unclear.
You wrote:
For there's never a moment I don't believe
Our love was something that couldn't be.

I'm thinking you meant that there was no doubt that this love was long lasting. I am not sure how you might make this clearer, without having to restructure the two lines and upset the rhyming.

Unless you did something like:

Not once had I believed
Long lasting love couldn't be.

*Moon* Comments/Suggestions: The above information is all I have to offer. I didn't see any spelling or punctuation errors, or I missed them somehow.

You guys instinctively seem to know when something is right, and often before we ever realize it. I can remember saying things that implied much more. I did this without realizing it revealed more than I thought it did. Lucky for me, someone saw much more into just what it meant.

Thanks for sharing.

*Star* This item is being considered for "Good Deeds Go NoticedOpen in new Window..

Halloween sig bats etc.
Clicking on the image takes you to our group homepage, where you might leave thanks, comments, or requests for reviews.
467
467
Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
*Jackolantern* Hello there Elizjohn,
This is your Dream Team Halloween review. You may have received other reviews because you were either gifted by someone or won the item in a Dream Team raffle or other event. That being said, here is my impression.

*Ghost* Title?Premise: The title was good. I liked how it was capitalized.
The premise was good and had a little twist at the end. The boys are trying to decide whether or not to open a door. One boy is daring the other one. I won't spoil it for others and give away the ending.

*Pumpkin* Format: The format wasn't too bad, but it needed line spacing between each characters dialogue.

*Cat* Flow/Rhyme/Rhythm: The dialogue was done well as we see the boys interact.

*Witchhat* Impression: A sense of tension is built up and we wonder if they are going to open the door because they hesitate. At some point, they realize it won't open, but it doesn't matter because...(readers will have to find out on their own).

*Witchhat* I liked: There is some nice interaction between the boys.

*Idea* Might need edit/revision:
When you write don't mention the emotion felt. Show it. Let them wipe their brow, faces turn whitish, hands tremble. Things like that.

It looks like one of them is trembling, but later curses because it isn't open. If I read this right, the names are mixed up during the dialogue. At some point one is looking down at the other one, yet the one who quivered is the one egging it on. I'd read it out loud and determine if there was a mixup.

*Moon* Comments/Suggestions: Correct the line spacing, then add in the requirements, and the amount of words used.

I would add some imagery to this, if possible. I do not know if only dialogue was suppose to be used. Nice attempt at the challenge.

*Star* This item is being considered for "Good Deeds Go NoticedOpen in new Window..

Halloween sig bats etc.
Clicking on the image takes you to our group homepage, where you might leave thanks, comments, or requests for reviews.
468
468
Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Note: You might want to take a look at this first. "A Message from Your ReviewerOpen in new Window.

Hello Chaos Princess,
I found your item while surfing WDC for items to read and review.

For disclaimer, pass cursor here: *Smile*

*Bulletv* TITLE, PREMISE, CONTENT: Good title. A person is down on love, obviously experienced the ups and downs but also the loss of it.
*Bulletv* FORMAT/FLOW: The line spacing between paragraphs was good but I think it could have been broken up more. Stop the paragraph and restart it where a new idea comes into view.
The words written are simple ones and easy to read and understand.
*Bulletv* I LIKED: I liked that you were able to write using words without repetition, although the idea is the same throughout and it is explained why this is so.
*Pencil* MIGHT NEED EDITING: Break up the paragraphs a bit more.
*Thought* SUGGESTIONS AND OTHER COMMENTS: Although the message is obvious, the way this is expressed works well. It looks like the writer was able to stay within the guidelines of the requirements.

It could be that "loaded gun" is a cliche, yet I liked the way it was used here. It expresses the frustration felt when things don't turn out the way we hoped it would, when the whole time we thought things had finally changed for the better.

It is left up to the reader to answer the question given, yet the writer suggests that love simply is not worth all the pain and suffering we often go through. We don't live in a Ozzie and Harriet world.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go NoticedOpen in new Window..
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469
Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello there WinnieKay,
*Tulipp*

I found your item and decided to read and review it. Keep in mind that anything I mention is only my opinion. I only review what I like, and send this review with the idea of helping and offering encouragement, rather than criticisim. Please consider my suggestions and take only what works for you and leave the rest behind. That being said, here is my impression.

Title: Good title which makes me curious and I have to read more.
Premise: Someone who was vibrant and alert, changes into almost another person.
Format: Good format for this three line stanza poem.
Flow: The words chosen are effective in revealing much about the person this refers to. The amount of words and the selection makes this easy to read and understand.

*Poseyv* What I liked: I liked the book-ending effect where what is revealed in the beginning is also at the end. It ends on a happy note after revealing a severe change. It has the component of constant.

*Poseyp* What might need edit and/or revision: I did not see anything that needed editing and revising.
*Burstp* Personal Comments/Suggestions:
I liked that you told which type of poem this is. For me, it almost felt like Haku, which uses few words and short lines. Thanks for sharing.
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go NoticedOpen in new Window..

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470
470
Review of Forever and a Day  Open in new Window.
Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Jackolantern* Hello there mimzi73,
I happened to see this item on the sidebar and thought I might take a closer look.

As usual, anything I share here is only my opinion and I offer this review with good intentions. It is up to you to decide if anything I say works for you. Enjoy!

That being said, here is my impression.


*Ghost* Title: Good. It fits the content well.

*Witchhat* Impression: It is the heartfelt dedication of one person to another as the love continues even though they are apart.

*Pumpkin* Format: The formatting was okay, yet the amount of lines in the stanzas are varied. That's okay too.

*Cat* Flow/Rhyme/Rhythm: I am not sure what to say about the rhythm as this is not a structured item. The thought processes do seem consistant.

*Witchhat* I liked: I liked how the person just knows this connection, and is steadfast in those feelings expressed.

*Idea* Might need edit/revision: I thought about how this might be formatted a bit different. Maybe lessen the amount of lines in each stanza and provide an alternating length a few times. This would spread out and emphasize those things which you might want to.

There were some places where I felt a comma was needed but it still reads well.

*Moon* Comments/Suggestions: No other suggestions. I like it.

*Star* This item is being considered for "Good Deeds Go NoticedOpen in new Window..

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471
471
Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Jackolantern* Hello there Liam,
This is a It's not easy being Green review. I noticed you are a yellow case member, so I decided to search your portfolio to see what you might have. I came across this one, and I'm glad I did.
That being said, here is my impression.


*Ghost* Title: The title fits and makes me wonder what it might be about.

*Witchhat* Impression: This has a nice western cowboy feeling to it as we see him going about his afternoon. There is some nice imagery in it as he wanders into the bar, with its dancing ladies and such.

*Pumpkin* Format: The format in this was unique as there is matching rhymes within each line, but also within the rest of the stanza.

At some points, I felt that the rhythm was off as a few extra words made it feel more wordy.

*Witchhat* I liked: I liked the imagery in it. The image at the beginning also lent a nice start as we see the visual come into view.
The speech pattern is reminiscent of how cowboys and ranchers speak.


*Idea* Might need edit/revision:
It almost felt like a transition from an overall godlike view but then we are in the POV of the barkeeper. That might have been because first it is mentioned that the cowboy came into town and entered the bar,but then we learn he was probably out on the range. You could switch it around but I'm not sure. You'd have to play around with it some.

* You wrote:
His spurs gave a jingle that made my skin tingle
as he walked up to me and said, "Whiskey."
(This was where I felt the rhythm was off a little bit. YOu might want to leave off a few words, plus change that to which.)

*Cat* Suggestion: His spurs gave a jingle, which made my skin tingle
as he walked up and said, "Whiskey please."

* *Idea* As appearance allows, he'd been punchin' cows
on the range just southeast of town. (should south east be two words or one?)

*Moon* Comments/Suggestions: I enjoyed reading this and reviewing it. It brought me into the world of the cowboy and this saloon where he and his horse had a drink.
I look forward to reading more of your items.

*Star* This item is being considered for "Good Deeds Go NoticedOpen in new Window..

** Image ID #1894651 Unavailable **
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472
472
Review of In Dreams I See  Open in new Window.
Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Jackolantern* Hello there strlcuckoo,
This is a It's not easy being Green review.
After looking through your port, I had a hard time finding something I haven't reviewed already. I'm glad I found this one.

As usual, anything I share here is only my opinion and I offer this review with good intentions. It is up to you to decide if anything I say works for you. Enjoy!

That being said, here is my impression.


*Ghost* Title: Good title. It fits the content of the item.

*Witchhat* Impression: Nicely expressed visual of a loved one and how the person wishes and hopes things will be.

*Pumpkin* Format: I like the format and how the beginning and the end match like bookends. It brings us full circle.

*Cat* Flow/Rhyme/Rhythm: There is a nice flow to this poem and an unusual rythm.

*Witchhat* I liked: You say a lot in so few words, yet each stanza reveals more with its imagery. The image of the female is strong as we see it through the person's eyes.

*Idea* Might need edit/revision: I didn't see anything that needed editing or revising in this item. It's perfect the way it is.

*Moon* Comments/Suggestions: Thank you for sharing and keep on writing.

*Star* This item is being considered for "Good Deeds Go NoticedOpen in new Window..

** Image ID #1894651 Unavailable **
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473
473
Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
this is a It's not easy being Green review. {size}

Hello Countrymom ,
I found your item while surfing WDC for items to read and review.


For disclaimer, pass cursor here: {popnote:"*Smile*" Please remember that these are only my suggestions, and not necessarily how you wish to express yourself. Take what works for you and disregard the rest.

*Bulletv* TITLE, PREMISE, CONTENT: it is a good title and it matches the content.
*Bulletv* FORMAT/FLOW: the stanzas are set up in an attractive way with. Use of similar line lengths and proper use of line spacing.
*Bulletv* I LIKED: You were able to express what happened in a logical way with emotional reaction to the news.
*Pencil* MIGHT NEED EDITING: there wasn't anything to edit or revise.

*Thought* SUGGESTIONS AND OTHER COMMENTS: I am so sorry for your loss. I can only imagine what that must have been like for your daughter but also you and your family. My son learned he had cancer when he was just becoming adult with a bright future.

Unfortunately, he decided on no contact during the time after the operation and to this day has no contact. He is near as a heartbeat though and there is not one day that passes that he is not on my mind and in my heart. Worse yet I feel betrayed by his and my friends because I found out many years later that he had treatments and his hair fell out.several times.
Your item brings up those feelings. I too remember as if it was just yesterday when he was born with a full head of hair and his rosy complexion. But also how I watched him grown into a joyful considerate man.

I have many things that were and are his from childhood.

Thank you for sharing this.
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go NoticedOpen in new Window..
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474
Review of PAPER CUT  Open in new Window.
Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Jackolantern* Hello there Itchy water,

*Ghost* Title:. The title is appropriate.

*Witchhat* Impression: The one thing that stood out for me is the strength of the emotions in this piece.
Evidently, this person sees through the other one's ways.

*Pumpkin* Format: there is no particular form and it could have one. Since it is not a form poem it does not have to have any, yet maybe an unusual one could enhance it, or you could even have an image.

*Cat* Flow/Rhyme/Rhythm: the wording is simple enough and uses words which are familiar to almost anyone.

*Witchhat* I liked:. When an author writes an emotional piece like this it is good to see how well it is written so that the reader can not only read the item but empathize with the angry and sad feelings that loss tends to bring.

*Idea* Might need edit/revision:. Not much to edit or revise in it. You could play around with the formatting.

*Moon* Comments/Suggestions:. Nicely done.

This is a It's not easy being Green review. for yellow case member.

*Star* This item is being considered for "Good Deeds Go NoticedOpen in new Window..

** Image ID #1894651 Unavailable **
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475
475
Review of In the making..  Open in new Window.
Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
** Image ID #1838694 Unavailable **
Clicking on the image takes you to our group homepage, where you might leave thanks, comments, or requests for reviews. Your review is below.

*Moon* Hello again Mysticsoul,
I reviewed another of your items and I decided to look around to see what else you had in your port and I'm glad I did. Keep in mind that anything I mention is only my opinion. I only review what I like, and send this review with the idea of helping and offering encouragement, rather than criticism. Please consider my suggestions and take only what works for you and leave the rest behind. That being said, here is my impression.

*Burstp* Title: Is In the Making the title? or is it a place holder? I wasn't sure. I might have named it something having to do with the piece, depending on what direction you take this in.
*Burstbl* Premise: A girl dreams of what appears to be her lifemate/soulmate.
*Burstv* Format: This item has some paragraphing which helps us read it more easily.
*Burstp* Flow: The words chosen are easy to read and understand. The thought processes seem logical too.

*Star* What I liked: I liked the mention of time and distances. The knight in shining armor on a white horse is symbolic. He represents all that is good and fair and desireable.

It is amazing how we can be so far apart from this one we admire, yet feel close. Even if we don't have a face to put with this vision, we know he exists, and maybe it is just a matter of time before we can fully realize this person. For now the person dreams of such, until it becomes a reality. It can be heartbreaking waiting for such a person for we don't know when or where or how and it would be easy to wonder if it will happen in this lifetime or not.

*Pencil* What might need edit and/or revision: One of the first lines is a run-on sentence. Hemingway did it, but usually this is frowned upon because it can become difficult to read. I would think about breaking it up some so it is easier to read. You have some good imagery going on in it, so I wouldn't get rid of it but transform it.

One thing I forgot to mention in the last review but I also see in this one is that you do not space after the commas. You need a space before the next word.
Also use two spaces after a period (sentence ending)

*Thought* Personal Comments/Suggestions: These things are easily fixed.

*Star* This item is being considered for "Good Deeds Go NoticedOpen in new Window..

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