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Review Requests: ON
3,552 Public Reviews Given
4,129 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I look at the title, premise, overall structure first. Then I see how it makes me feel. After that, I might comment on little errors which are easily fixed.
I'm good at...
Hmm. Well you'd have to ask the one being reviewed what that be.
Favorite Genres
Paranormal, spy/detective, sci-fi, romantic suspense (hey I'm female and entitled). documentary, psychological and more.
Least Favorite Genres
Anything too gorey depending on how it's done. I don't need every little detail.
Favorite Item Types
First tell me what an item type is. haha
Least Favorite Item Types
An item has to make sense even if it uses fantasy ideas.
I will not review...
I don't like where some writer crammed six long chapters into one item area. I also don't like it if the paragraphs are so long you lose your place reading it. If you don't want me to lose interest and give up, break it up into sections and link it to the next exciting chapters. Nobody wants to sit through a detailed story for hours without a break.
Public Reviews
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501
501
Review of Borderline  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Moon* Hello there Foxgopher,
I had already reviewed one of your items, and somehow found myself back at your port so I took a long around and found this one.

Keep in mind that anything I mention in review is only my opinion. I only review what I like, and send this review with the idea of helping and offering encouragement, rather than criticism. Please consider my suggestions and take only what works for you and leave the rest behind. That being said, here is my impression.


*Bulletb* Title: Good. The title fits the content of the item.
*Bulletb* Premise: Waking up. Should I go back to sleep or get a move on.
*Bulletb* Format/Flow: The formatting was perfect. Nice use of stanza placement and line spacing.

*Heart* I liked: I wasn't sure what Modest Mouse meant. It says it lifted him from the bed.

*Pencil* Suggestions: At the end I was a little bit stumped as I thought he had stayed awake, but next we see that he is in his dream. Does that mean the dream of life or what?

*Thought* Comments: The in between time when sleep is about to hit us fast, and we are barely awake and lingering is an obscure moment. I like how dreams can be recalled so fully right after sleeping, yet after a quick stop at the toilet, we suddenly forget and it's lost in the back of our minds somewhere.

Thanks for the sharing.

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Clicking on the image takes you to our group homepage, where you might leave thanks, comments, or requests for reviews.

502
502
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Note: Look here for information about what I consider during a review. "A Message from Your Reviewer
*Moon* Hello there Simple Dykie,
I found your item and decided to read and review it. Keep in mind that anything I mention is only my opinion. I only review what I like, and send this review with the idea of helping and offering encouragement, rather than criticism. Please consider my suggestions and take only what works for you and leave the rest behind. That being said, here is my impression.

*Bulletb* Title: Good. Very appropriate for this item.
*Bulletb* Premise: Two people need a shower, one who is just arriving home from a long day at work. Another has been working in the yard and is dirty. Who gets to take the shower?
*Bulletb* Format/Flow: The formatting was just right in this item. The paragraphing was done well. Words flowed easily enough so that the reader could understand what was going on.

*Heart* I liked: I liked that we got inside the person's head. There was enough exposition and dialogue in this, plus a cheerful amount of humor.
This was a fun part and effective:
I wouldn't have been surprised to hear tentative scratching on the shower curtain, and then opened it to face a massive polar bear looking for relief from global warming.

*Pencil* Suggestions: Write some more like this. Thanks for sharing.

*Thought* Comments: Oh what we do for love.

teddybear sleeping for Dream Team
Clicking on the image takes you to our group homepage, where you might leave thanks, comments, or requests for reviews.
503
503
Review of By the Numbers  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
"A Message from Your Reviewer
*Tulipv* Hello Fyn,

I was surfing around on WDC, looking for something to read and review and found this.
Title: Good.
Premise: Math and how it relates to everyday things.
Format: Formatting looks okay with this simple poem.
Flow: The words were easy to read and understand.

*Burstv* What I liked most: It is all done in some kind of equation. I never was that good in math, other than the math used to make change, just not algebraic stuff.

You kept the idea going throughout the piece and so it all connects nicely.

*Burstbl* Where I found errors, typos, or other things that might need edit and revision: I didn't find anything wrong with it.

*Burstv* Other Personal Comments: It is true that math is everywhere. There is time, there are parts of mechanical devices that put all together becomes something else and is whole.
Even life has a kind of balance that tips one way or another and sometimes balances out a bit more.

Thanks for sharing.

This item is being considered for "Good Deeds Go Noticed.
Please click on the image to be taken to our group page to leave comments, thanks, or request reviews.

** Image ID #1699311 Unavailable **
504
504
Review of Flexibility  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Please realize that anything I say here is just my opinion alone. Only you know how you wish to express something. I am only here to offer encouragement and help should you need it.{/i}
*Angel* Hello Elisa,
I'm here to read your item, but also give you a review.
*Compass* Title:
Appropriate
*Bulletv* Premise: I am not sure except maybe it is about getting in shape.
*Bulletv* Format: Although it is relatively short, it looked good on the page.
*Bulletv* Flow: The words are simple ones, easy to read and understand, and the lines are short.
*Bird* Liked/favorite parts: While trying to read into the poem, I felt as if this might be of a sexual tone, but wasn't sure. or it is about staying healthy.
*Idea* Might need edit/revision:

*Thought* Personal Comments/Other Suggestions: This wasn't labeled as Haiku but it has that kind of feeling to it.
Thank you for sharing. I hope that this review was helpful.
*Star* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.

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505
505
Review of Time To Be A Man  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Moon* Hello there Stripes,
I found your item and decided to read and review it. Keep in mind that anything I mention is only my opinion. I only review what I like, and send this review with the idea of helping and offering encouragement, rather than criticism. Please consider my suggestions and take only what works for you and leave the rest behind. That being said, here is my impression.

*Bulletb* Title: Good and we get an idea of what this is about.
*Bulletb* Premise: a boy coming of age, soon to be a man.
*Bulletb* Format/Flow: Nice rhyme scheme going on and some rhythm
The words are simple ones that anyone can understand.
*Heart* I liked:
The rhyming was working at first but later it changed and I couldn't figure out what method you used for it.
*Pencil* Suggestions: I would break this up into stanzas of like minded thoughts. I'd also edit and revise it so that you have a consistent rhyme and rhythm pattern going on.

*Thought* Comments: Good job with descriptions. My son complains about the hair. As if I can do anything about that.

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506
506
Review of Cutters  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Note: You might want to take a look at this first. "A Message from Your Reviewer

Hello INdygirl,
I found your item while surfing WDC for items to read and review.

For disclaimer, pass cursor here: *Smile*

*Bulletv* TITLE, PREMISE, CONTENT: Fitting title. The premise is cutting and how it does not help anything, but makes things worse.
*Bulletv* FORMAT/FLOW: There is a rhyme scheme going on, but the rhythm is off.
*Bulletv* I LIKED: The formatting makes this more readable.
*Thought* SUGGESTIONS AND OTHER COMMENTS: The message is clear that this cutting does not make anyone feel any better. It seems more like a cry for help, yet it is irreversible as then the body heals up but has been mutilated/scarred. It is good if someone stops doing it and realizes it does not make things better.

Years ago there was no such thing as cutters, yet today we see it more and more.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.
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507
507
Review of Break me?...Never  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.0)

Please realize that anything I say here is just my opinion alone. Only you know how you wish to express something. I am only here to offer encouragement and help should you need it.

*Tulipv* Hello Vampirically Tainted,
I'm here to read your item, but also give you a review.

*Tulipp* BASICS
Title: Appropriate.
Premise: One person tries to break the other.
Format: It is broken up into stanzas, and there is line spacing provided. I did feel that this could have been arrange a little differently, because of the difference between stanza one and stanza two being so different as far as line count. Even so, it is also okay the way it is.
Flow: The words used are simple ones and are easy to understand.
*Burstp* What I liked:
There is a rhyme going on, but also a rhythm.

*Burstr* Comments: This dominance sometimes persists until a person has had enough and finds a way to move away from the person causing so much stress for the other one. It is something that many people can relate to. You'd think the person being so pushy would learn that if you treat someone like this, that they won't want to be around them, yet often times the victim ends up tolerating it, and trying even harder to do something to change the situation. Usually it doesn't work since the victim blames him or herself for whatever happened.

I hope that this review was helpful.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.

Drop by our group room by clicking on the image below. You can leave comments, thanks, request a review, or even join our team.

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508
508
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)

*Moon* Hello there godlove ,
I found your item and decided to read and review it. Keep in mind that anything I mention is only my opinion. I only review what I like, and send this review with the idea of helping and offering encouragement, rather than criticism. Please consider my suggestions and take only what works for you and leave the rest behind. That being said, here is my impression.

*Bulletb* IMPRESSION: The title is appropriate. The subject is about a father who left by death, yet it is still a bit obscure. There is a feeling of discontent, and frustration over why the person's father had to go and didn't tell him why.
*Heart* I liked: I liked that this posed a question, yet we don't have the answer and neither does the person. It depicts a long lasting feeling on something that means much to the person.

*Thought* Comments: Nice job on expression. Thanks for sharing.

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509
509
Review of tremulous  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)

~~ *Heart* ~~


Hello James Callahan,
I found your item while surfing WDC for items to read and review.


For disclaimer, pass cursor here: *Smile*

*Bulletv* TITLE, PREMISE, CONTENT: A storm is upon us in this creative visual. It is a bit confusing because the rain cleanses us and refreshes the earth but the person runs away from it. That is not so unusual really, except that the person fears the rain.
*Bulletv* FORMAT/FLOW: What I found interesting was the comparison to the rain and the laundry vs life and experiences.
*Bulletv* I LIKED
*Bulletv* MIGHT NEEDED EDITING: Capitalize the title and the first words (at least at the beginning of the stanza)
*Thought* SUGGESTIONS/COMMENTS: I liked how you focused on this turning from a storm, but also into a life perspective.
Thanks for sharing.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.

hummingbird
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{/left}
510
510
Review of ....  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello katie ,
I found your item while surfing WDC for items to read and review.

For disclaimer, pass cursor here: *Smile*

*Bulletv* TITLE, PREMISE, CONTENT: There is no title. I would title this item.
Someone cuts another with words, yet blood drips from the person's hand. Maybe a word or two could make this so that although the person visualizes it, the reality is it didn't happen in real life. Still it is a dark piece about an experience that isn't pleasant.
*Bulletv* FORMAT/FLOW: Format is okay considering how short the piece is.
*Bulletv* I LIKED: The scene is dramatic as we see something startling happening.
*Pencil* MIGHT NEED EDITING:
the word rist is spelled wrist if it's what I am thinking.
*Thought* SUGGESTIONS AND OTHER COMMENTS: This is more like a scene. We don't know why it is happening or even who it is happening to or who is causing it to happen.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.
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511
511
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello there Forest Dweller,
*Tulipp* I only review what I like, and send this review with the idea of helping and offering encouragement, rather than criticisim. Please consider my suggestions and take only what works for you and leave the rest behind. That being said, here is my impression.

Title: The title is appropriate and fits the content of the item.
Premise: An old man's perspective during his lonely life.
Format: This was a series of lines, without punctuation, but with capitilization. I might have formatted this differently, maybe centered to see what shape it make might.
Flow: The word flow was pretty good and used simple words which anyone could read and understand. I might have liked some compound sentences or complex sentences as much of was simple ones. Okay there were a few places that did vary a little.

*Poseyv* What I liked: The oddest thing is that as I kept reading, I was drawn into this world of the lonely old man and the dog, the bar, cafe, alley. Nice touch on the scarf. I might have added more of the senses. You have sound (the sirens), touch or sight? (the matted fur of the dog). I kind of liked the coffee yet I wanted to smell the scent too. The alley might smell pungent, yet maybe this man wouldn't notice since it seems familiar to him.

I especially liked this:
There is a fog that shrouds the pulsating spawn of life that flows through the chasm of the street
The fog in shrouds, the music, laughter, and profanity

( shroud was a good word, although the use of the word fog and shrouds twice does set me back some.

*Burstp* Personal Comments/Suggestions: I enjoyed reading this as it has a strength in the words depicting this life and experience. You might consider writing more like this so that maybe we might see how this man ended up here.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.

Please click on the link to be taken to our group homepage, if you care to leave thanks, comments, or requests for reviews.
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512
512
Review of Sweet Revenge  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Note: You might want to take a look at this first. "A Message from Your Reviewer
Please click on the link to be taken to our group homepage, if you care to leave thanks, comments, or requests for reviews.

dreamteam sig

*Sun* Hello there D.E. Bozeman,

I found your item and decided to read and review it. Keep in mind that anything I mention is only my opinion. I only review what I like, and send this review with the idea of helping and offering encouragement, rather than criticism. Please consider my suggestions and take only what works for you and leave the rest behind. That being said, here is my impression.

*Burstr* Title: The title fits the content of this short story.
*Burstr* Premise: Revenge turns out better than expected.
*Burstr* Format: Nicely formatted with its line spacing and centered formation.
*Burstr* Flow: The word choice was good--not too blatant and not too obscure. The sequence of events seem realistic too.
*Burstr* What I liked: I liked that we saw two people interacting. The purpose became something more as we see these two together.

*Pencil* Might edit/revise: There isn;t anything I thought needed editing and revising. It did raise a story question as to why the persons sought out revenge.

*Thought* Comments/Suggestions: The only thing I could think of that might add to this was an image. It is fine without it though.

This item is being considered for "Good Deeds Go Noticed.
513
513
Review of Trapped  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
~~ *Heart* ~~


Hello Merinda,
I found your item while surfing WDC for items to read and review.


For disclaimer, pass cursor here: *Smile*

*Bulletv* TITLE, PREMISE, CONTENT: The title is appropriate to the content of the item. Someone feels trapped and can't move forward or backward but in
*Bulletv* FORMAT/FLOW: The stanzas are two lines each, which seems to be the style of this poets. It works well. The words chosen are simple ones which make this easy to read and understand.
*Bulletv* I LIKED how well you expressed the feeling of being trapped. Feeling frozen in place is a decision to not do anything, and yet there is a reason the person hesitates as he or she watches others take their own lives. This raises a question as to why the person gets to this point in life, and what stops her is the love of her the ones she loves and who loves her.
*Bulletv* MIGHT NEEDED EDITING: Nothing needed editing in this item as far as I can see.
*Thought* SUGGESTIONS/COMMENTS: I am not sure if this is based on a true situation or not, but if so, hang in there.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.

hummingbird
Please click on this image to visit our review forum anytime.
{/left}
514
514
Review of Unrequited love  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)

*Bird*

Hello Steve,
I found your item on your port, and I'm glad I did.


For disclaimer, pass cursor here: *Smile*
*Star* IMPRESSION: The stanzas are spaced nicely, the lines rhyme corresponding with each other.

*Idea* SUGGESTIONS AND OTHER COMMENTS:
There are a few spelling errors in this.
Here:
Can you belive (believe)

and here:
Whereever, I’ll go! (too many e's in this. It should be wherever)

One of the lines doesn't read right for me>
You far from me so! (I don't know about you, but I never talk like that. I see you are trying to rhyme and maybe that is why it's not quite right.)

Comments: Unrequited love sucks. My question is why does a guy wait for a gal to call when he can pick up the phone and call her. She might be wondering when he will at least make a try for her. Then again, I don't know the situation either. If this is about something real or not.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.

*Heart* Dreamin1
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515
515
Review of Life Changes  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Note: You might want to take a look at this first. "A Message from Your Reviewer

*Man**Woman* Hello there Tannus,
I found your item and decided to read and review it. Keep in mind that anything I mention is only my opinion. I only review what I like, and send this review with the idea of helping and offering encouragement, rather than criticism. Please consider my suggestions and take only what works for you and leave the rest behind. That being said, here is my impression.

*Burstbr* Title: The title is appropriate to the content of the item.
*Burstp* Premise: Someone goes through a change after getting into trouble.
*Burstv* Format: It could use some help but can easily be fixed.

*Burstbr* Flow: The words chosen are simple ones and easy to understand. The sequence of events seem logical.

*Star* I liked: I liked that we at least got to see the guys breaking in and having a brief discussion, but when the mother mentions it, we aren't sure how she knew. I think you need to fill in some details, even if minor. She could have been on the phone, or had a detective come to the home and ask questions. He might even overhear it.

*Pencil* Might need edit/revision: The first thing is that you presented the setting first. While we need that, it means that it might not be enough to grab someone's attention. You need a hook, something that raises a story question, which would be answered much later. It can be something ridiculous that shows what the character is like or it can just about be anything as long as it pushes the story forward. You might be starting your story at the wrong point. They say to start in action.

The other thing I noticed was it had dialogue. I love seeing dialogue in someone's work. It often comes with problems though.

In your work, there was no period provided before the ending quotes on your dialogue. Either provide a period, or if you use dialogue tags like he said or she said, then use a comma, and uncap the next word in the sentence, unless it's a name or the word I.

The other thing was that you kept all the dialogue together no matter who was speaking. If there is a change of point of view, you have to treat it like a paragraph and provide a line space after one character speaks. AS a rule, every time you have a new paragraph, you need to give it a line space before that.

It just so happened that day, those names was being used. (it should be were not was. Think it was (singular), they were (plural).

Another problem area which can easily be fixed>
You wrote: I knew them and it was the short cut to Jason's house. Up to the fence line and through the hole. We didn't have cows anymore, so it was no use to fix it.
*Idea* The second sentence sounds awkward. I had to read it twice to understand it.

I knew them and it was the short cut to Jason's house. When I got to the fence, the hole in it was still there. Since we didn't have cows anymore, there was no reason to fix it. I crawled through it.
Error> It just so happened that day, those names was being used. (it should be were)
This item is pretty good as far as premise goes, but there are several rough transitions. First, I think it needs a sentence or two showing how this started. They could have a brief discussion, or you could write. I don't know when it all started, but I found myself doing something I'd regret later on.

*Thought* Comments/Suggestions: Be careful of simply telling at the beginning. It can be done but if you give the reader something to ponder then it creates interest and the reader wants to read on.

I am not sure when this guy had an epiphany or why. Is it because the detention center was scary? Have him taste the bland food, the monotonous routine and let him think about what it might be like to live that way for the rest of his days, or better yet let him hear about what happened to some other chap who didn't quite live to have another chance. Two in the place could be talking about it and he overhears it.

It's good that we see a change in the character. I guess I wanted to see where the seed of change started.

ReEally good story about honor and morals and doing the right thing and make a better life before it's too late to do that.
Please don't think just because I mentioned problem areas that this is bad. We all have things to improve on and if I didn't think your story was worth fixing, I'd not even bother.

*Sheriff* This item is being considered for "Good Deeds Go Noticed.

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516
516
Review of Shiny Blue Bike  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)

*Bird*

Hello Pat,
How are you doing, my friend? I happened to see this and had to give it a review. As usual, I am not dissapointed.


For disclaimer, pass cursor here: *Smile*
*Star* PREMISE: A young girl learns some things when she is allowed to save up for her very own first bike, which she gladly shares with her sister. Mickey, her cousin shows up and outshines her and she'll not be having none of that.
The format looks good with it's proper line spacing. The wording is appropriate also and uses simple words which anyone can understand.
IMPRESSION: This had some imagery in it. canning jar for coins (could maybe use sound here too..the jingle when the coins drop in the jar and bounce around?), sweeping the wood floors.

I liked how the anticipation built up about finding out how much was saved. It also makes me think of a treasure hunt or Easter hunt when they look for change that might have fell in couch cushions.

*Idea* SUGGESTIONS AND OTHER COMMENTS:
While there is nothing wrong with this item, you could even make them wait more as the day draws near.

I remember the first time I got a bike. It was a total surprise and I never did find out who bought it for me. It went with me wherever I went up into high school. It too was blue. but more of a teal blue.

Good read.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.

*Heart* Dreamin1
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517
517
Review of Doctor's Orders  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)

*Bird*

Hello Pretty Good Scott,
I found your item on your port, and I'm glad I did.


For disclaimer, pass cursor here: *Smile*
*Star* IMPRESSION: This is a funny tale about someone with a sick stomach, who goes to the doctor only to get referred to another doctor, and then another, and one after another.

The progression of events seem natural in their order.

One thing this could use is some paragraphing. Each time our character is somewhere else I'd make that a paragraph alone. This shows change of point of view (place and time).


*Idea* SUGGESTIONS AND OTHER COMMENTS:
I had to laugh because often times doctors seem to play guessing games when they are rushed and aren't paying as much attention as we wished. Sometimes it is a case of knowing ourselves better than they do, unless of course, we don't.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.

*Heart* Dreamin1
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518
518
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)

*Bird*

Hello cheshire,
I found your item on your port, and I'm glad I did. What an interesting item it it about a historical place that is well known, which almost anyone knows about.

For disclaimer, pass cursor here: *Smile*
*Star* IMPRESSION: The lines of this piece are concise,and the poem is well organized.
It creates a moment of silence as the words flow across the page, gently guiding us as we remember those who might have given their lives or almost lost theirs. They are the reason for our freedoms which we often take for granted, and for which many others wish they had. Is it any wonder that so many people wish to be here.

*Idea* SUGGESTIONS AND OTHER COMMENTS:
I have no suggestions. It's perfect the way it is and is a nice tribute to those who have served their country.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.

*Heart* Dreamin1
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519
519
Review of Shoes  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)

*Bird*

Hello elizjohn,
I found your item on your port, and I'm glad I did. What is unique about this is the progression of years as the girl grows and by the type of shoe worn, it shows approximately what age she is then and what she is doing.


For disclaimer, pass cursor here: *Smile*


Title was fitting. The formatting could use some help. Sentences were
The premise is well explained above--yet it's not just about shoes or growing up, and it's not obvious until we read it all.
*Star* IMPRESSION: The very first line is good as it is foreshadowing something that occurs later, yet we don't know that until it does. That's good technique, because we get that "aha" feeling.

Usually works like this show too much and it's not necessary, but this one had just enough information so that we got to know the girl through her mother.

*Idea* SUGGESTIONS AND OTHER COMMENTS:
It is truly heartbreaking to raise a child and watch them grow into the person they become and be so proud of them, only to have them disappear like that. The poem reveals much feeling which many parents can relate to.

I would break this up some so that as we see the passing of time a new stanza starts. Also you might try centering it to see what shape it becomes.

You may use any and all of my suggestions. This is how I might have done it:

She didn’t cry when her child took her first step,
wearing her patent leather shoes,
So shiny and black, so pretty on her feet.

And didn’t cry when her child made her first basket,
wearing a pair of sneakers--those high top sneakers,
and scored a victory for her team.

And she didn’t cry when her child took her first dance,
wearing her first pair of high heels,
which marked her as a young lady.

But after she was taken, and after she was gone,
and there was no trace of her child,
no sign, other than her shoes:

Her leather shoes, walking shoes,
Her everyday shoes for an everyday girl living an everyday life,
She screamed,
She yelled,
And she cried.


* The use of three lines each would work well, and I added commas, and uncapped certain words, or revised a line.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.

*Heart* Dreamin1
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520
520
Review of Summer Holiday  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)

*Bird*

Hello Pennywise,
I found your item on your port, and I'm glad I did.


For disclaimer, pass cursor here: *Smile*
*Star* IMPRESSION: The title works well for this piece, and the format is done in a way that makes it easy to read with it's paragraphing.
I liked that it had dialogue in it too and for the most part is done well.

*Idea* SUGGESTIONS AND OTHER COMMENTS:

I would have used more dialogue when the kids are asking about the sandcastles.
When it is mentioned again, it seemed repetitious and I might have tried to use some other words which mean the same thing.

There was a word that was capitalized and should be lowercase.
Here> “Can we, Ma? Please!” They chirruped excitedly. (they) plus I think you mean to use the word "chirped".

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed. Nice job on this short story and it looks like you met the requirements for the contest.

*Heart* Dreamin1
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521
521
Review of Under The Sink  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Note: You might want to take a look at this first. "A Message from Your Reviewer

*Man**Woman* Hello there Daizy,
I found your item and decided to read and review it. Keep in mind that anything I mention is only my opinion. I only review what I like, and send this review with the idea of helping and offering encouragement, rather than criticism. Please consider my suggestions and take only what works for you and leave the rest behind. That being said, here is my impression.

*Burstbr* Title: The title is Appropriate.
*Burstp* Premise: Something is under the sink.
*Burstv* Format: I like how it's centered but also the use of colored text.
*Burstbr* Flow: The rhyme is perfect and so is the rhythm. It's very easy to read and understand.

*Star* I liked: It has a lightheartedness to it, even though it is a monster under there. I also liked how the character decides to return the favor.

*Pencil* Might need edit/revision: I saw no need for editing or revising on this item. I didn't notice any errors at all.

*Thought* Comments/Suggestions: Cleverly done. Thanks for sharing.

*Sheriff* This item is being considered for "Good Deeds Go Noticed.

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522
522
Review of Flaming Hearts  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)

*Bird*

Hello strlcuckoo,
I noticed this item and had to take a closer look.


For disclaimer, pass cursor here: *Smile*
*Star* IMPRESSION: Nicely rhyming poem which has good rhythm as we go through each season and see how things progress with the couple.

It starts by joining anew, love grows as well as a new life.
Autumn reveals a change. It is here that I found an error.
lovers care should be lover's care (because it shows ownership by the owner

Yhe last stanza shows how this love turned out.

I am not sure but I think the seasons should have been capitalized.
*Idea* SUGGESTIONS AND OTHER COMMENTS:
When I think of seasons I think of how everything seems to change, yet once again the cycle starts over again. What is there is still there, yet buried beneath the frozen climate.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.

*Heart* Dreamin1
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523
523
Review of LightWorker  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: ASR | N/A (Unratable.)
Note: You might want to take a look at this first. "A Message from Your Reviewer
Please realize that anything I say here is just my opinion alone. Only you know how you wish to express something. I am only here to offer encouragement and help should you need it.

*Tulipv* Hello Susan,
I'm here to read your item, but also give you a review.

*Tulipp* BASICS The title is appropriate to the content of the item. The message is clear: Angels are around us and are there for us. the formatting in this was good with its four line stanzas and line spacing.
*Burstp* What I liked: It has a sing song rhythm to it , but it is off and the rhymes do not always rhyme, which is okay. I enjoy the meaning behind the words.

*Burstr* What felt like it needed editing and revision:
The rhyme is working part of the time, but other times it isn't, yet maybe this was how the writer intended.
*Thought* Personal Comments/Other Suggestions: Nicely told message.

I hope that this review was helpful.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.

Drop by our group room by clicking on the image below. You can leave comments, thanks, request a review, or even join our team.

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524
524
Review of Daffodil Slumber  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
~~ *Heart* ~~

Hello Leger,
I was surfing WDC for items to read and review, and found this delightful poem.


For disclaimer, pass cursor here: *Smile*

*Bulletv* TITLE, PREMISE, CONTENT:
The title fits the content of the item, as well as the description.
We might take for granted those things that aren't quite seen by the eyes. Spring is in motion before we know it.
*Bulletv* FORMAT/FLOW: The formatting of two lines separated by a lines space in this works well.
The word choice was simple, yet effective as we see the beauty of the daffodils, and then they eventually wither and sleep beneath the surface only to rise again.
*Bulletv* I LIKED the rhyme in this was just right and the rhythm too. It almost could be hummed like a song.
*Bulletv* MIGHT NEEDED EDITING: I didn't see any errors. It is concise and has much imagery as we see the spring rays and the frilled face.
*Thought* SUGGESTIONS/COMMENTS: Nature continues on doing what it always does, and we are honored with a beautiful display of flowers regardless of whatever else is going on in our lives. All we have to do is look around us and appreciated what is there.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.

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525
525
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (3.0)

*Bird*

Hello wrtshiek33,
I found your item on your port, and decided to have a better look and also give it a review.


For disclaimer, pass cursor here: *Smile*
*Star* IMPRESSION: First off i would capitalize this title. Also make sure the whole word is there as in wh. I think you means I Am Who I AM. Who Am I?

Although this formatting spreads the lines out and it does touch very lightly on a topic, I felt it was lacking in imagery.
*Idea* SUGGESTIONS AND OTHER COMMENTS:
Clearly, the writer asks the question--Who am I?
We aren't sure who you are because you've not given any hints as to who the person is. How are we suppose to know if you don't give some details? All we can tell is that maybe the person is arrogant or just full of himself.
Then again, I could be wrong. We can't know the character unless the writer allows us to view him or her with all here strengths and frailties. It is what makes us human. That may be a hard pill to swallow sometimes.

The question which has been asked in this item, is like an unsolvable puzzle. After all, many people are misunderstood and so the idea of figuring it out is equivelent to finding one particular star in the galaxy, which happens to look much like the other stars, at least at a distance.

The good news is that it hints at trying to be self revealing. Either way, sooner or later we will find out.


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.

*Heart* Dreamin1
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