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3,598 Public Reviews Given
4,175 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I look at the title, premise, overall structure first. Then I see how it makes me feel. After that, I might comment on little errors which are easily fixed.
I'm good at...
Hmm. Well you'd have to ask the one being reviewed what that be.
Favorite Genres
Paranormal, spy/detective, sci-fi, romantic suspense (hey I'm female and entitled). documentary, psychological and more.
Least Favorite Genres
Anything too gorey depending on how it's done. I don't need every little detail.
Favorite Item Types
First tell me what an item type is. haha
Least Favorite Item Types
An item has to make sense even if it uses fantasy ideas.
I will not review...
I don't like where some writer crammed six long chapters into one item area. I also don't like it if the paragraphs are so long you lose your place reading it. If you don't want me to lose interest and give up, break it up into sections and link it to the next exciting chapters. Nobody wants to sit through a detailed story for hours without a break.
Public Reviews
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151
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Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Jackknife,

I was looking in your portfolio and found this. Since it's your anniversary I'm doing this on behalf of Anniversary Reviews.

*Checkv* Title:The title is appropriate to the content

*Checkv* Premise: Tommy accidently strays from his mother. Gets lost, and finally recognizes some place he has visited and knows the person there. The twist in this kind of creeps up on you. Things are mentioned, but not fully registering bein the readers mind.

*Checkv* Later, we get that aha moment and then notice the subtle
foreshadowing. Great job on this

*Checkv* The actions and imagery also add to the storys journey.

*Checkv* Dialogue: we have just the right amount in this.

*Pencil* I did find a few areas needing editing. It has to do with commas and periods in dialogue.

Here it is:
Carrying the small body inside the owner mutters "That will teach you not to play in my dumpsters(.)"

About 10ten minutes later, the bearded man walks into the takeout place. "Good evening(,) Bill(,)" welcomes the owner(.) "How was your day?"

"Terrible. The poor little kitten I was following got away. He was so cute that I wasn't even gonna take him to the shelter. I guess I'll just have to buy my niece a toy for her birthday"

"That's too bad(.) Why don't you try the pepper steak tonight(?) A fresh shipment of meat just arrived(.)"

The climax did take me by surprise, yet brings the story to an end in a way that is interesting.

Reader comments: I remember hearing of something like this. I love ethnic foods, but not some.
It's rather "tasteless" and unappetizing to even think about the "fresh shipment of meat".

I must say that the chowmein, chop suey, or anything resembling meat wouldn't be my entree choice. In fact, I'd probably say, "Oops, I forgot to do something. I'd just like some Oolong or Jasmine tea to go, please".

Thanks for sharing and Happy 13th WDC Anniversary!

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152
152
Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello PuppetMaster,
I hope I can get this review to you in time. I've been so busy that I've not done much of anything in here.

I like that it has dialogue and in some ways it's done well. I do think that their interactions came too easy.

I might have liked more imagery to indicate the moods.

In the beginning of this story. Victoria is newly wed, but soon she mentions that she and her children being neglected. Okay so now I noticed they are stepchildren. Youngsters I believe.

Im thinking that you need a transition to indicate some time has passed, so that it allows for instances where it shows her husband not being there for her or the children. You can show her wandering eyes alittle but, but maybe she'd not at first be so bold.


It would seem too soon to decided that things aren't working out well, but gradually it could be shown. Plus we'd see both of these oersonalitys exoressed.

Right now I'm not liking any of them.

I'm also thinking that having him admits what he did just like that isn't too logical. If it were me I might have let him try to sabotage but instead of the guy dying I'd have his wife die. Or at least make it seem like she did.

The way it is feels kind of forced. And predictable.

I do like the premise but I'd changed a few things ir at least show some redeeming qualities in at least one or more characters.

I get it that you're trying to show these people redeem themselves but it looks like everything that happens so easily.

I would complicate thier choices. Make it hard for them. Killing someone isn't like someone spilled the milk, and you clean it up, and say sorry.

Psychologically, accidently killing his own wife is one thing.

Maybe he had intentions of killing the guy, but changed his mind at the last minute, but unfortunately because of his actions, it or something elsecame true.

These women are drawn to powerful men, at least in their eyes they are, but things aren't always so peachy.

You have the story framework, but you need more details. Even some imagery and don't let them seem so easy. Stories need tension.

{R:pencil}~I found an error. I'm not sure if there's more

After the chapel service, everyone processed (I think you meant proceeded)


I hope this review helps and that you are encouraged to continue on with it. My thoughts on this are just my suggestions. It's up to you as to how you want it to read.

Thanks for the read.








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153
153
Review of Shimmer  Open in new Window.
Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello readywriter,

I just read your item Shimmer. It's different than most prose.

The words you used help the reader get a feel for what you are expressing.

My take on this that we are all one with the universe. All is going toward the eternal plan.

It may be that moment in the bright light some people have talked about who experienced near death experiences.

This observance is brilliant and dazzling, it's like nothing we've ever really seen as a human, except maybe briefly and so we are dazzled and in wonder by it. I e seen something like this on a foggy day while the sun is rising.

*Pencil* The only thing that might need editing is for commas, you need some where's there an introductory clause, or conjunction. If you read it aloud you can tell by where your voice pauses briefly. Often it's needed just before and & but is.

Thanks for sharing this. Happy Anniversary!


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154
154
Review of Shimmer  Open in new Window.
Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello readywriter,

I just read your item Shimmer. It's different than most prose.

The words you used help the reader get a feel for what you are expressing.

My take on this that we are all one with the universe. All is going toward the eternal plan.


It may be that moment in the bright light some people have talked about who experienced near death experiences.

This observance is brilliant and dazzling, it's like nothing we've ever really seen as a human, except maybe briefly and so we are dazzled and in wonder by it. I e seen something like this on a foggy day while the sun is rising.

*Pencil* The only thing that might need editing is for commas, you need some where's there an introductory clause, or conjunction. If you read it aloud you can tell by where your voice pauses briefly. Often it's needed just before and & but is.

Thanks for sharing this.



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155
155
Review of Sam Platte  Open in new Window.
Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Daisen,

I saw that you wanted a review of this item. I decided to give it a whirl.

You have some strong dialogue going in in this. I happen to live dialogue unless there's too much if it, but in this one part it feels right as we see these guys interacting.

And they are wary of the Kiowas, especially after Sam gives them the news. Sam seems to be quite the asset in this story beginning.

I liked the names you gave them and how the interact. It seems realistic.

I like that you have just enough imagery to draw readers in.

The names are interesting too. Each one is as unique as the little bit of personality we are seeing.

I'm kind of fond of westerns, especially the spaghetti westerns. It has to have an interesting story to it, and not too predictable.

I wonder what will happen next considering the Kiowas are active and doing the bird call signaling.

I also wonder what they're up to. It might not be what everyone thinks. These are story questions that can be answered later on, ir at least some of them.

Good job on the dialogue .
I liked this part.

What if you're wrong(,) Sam?" Kilkenney asked.

Sam smiled, even white teeth showing, "Well then, it's been nice knowin' you."

That last line is somehow humorous, but also explains a lotkind if matter of fact news.

Good job. Keep it up







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156
156
for entry "~A Column of Light~" Open in new Window.
Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello ruwth,

I was just reading this item and can sense the emotions as you went through these things and also had flashbacks.

Unfortunately, sometimes parents don't present a good example. What makes it worse is when an innocent child learns that people do like, maybe not all people. What irks me is when they lie about lying. Had that happen. I knew someone was lying and confronted them. They still continued to lie. That told me two things. One, that people are good actors, and two, that I might never belueve anything they say again. We'll, I guess it depends on what kind of like it is, you know. What I would like to know is why they did it at all. Were they purposely being deceptive to avoid a hurt of another kind? Or was it totally hurtful and selfish?

In your case, it looks like those people have issues. We have to realise it's not us that are off kilter. It's not our problem so we shouldn't own it. That's in order to not let that create yet another problem. Easier said than done, right? But the only one, outside of God himself, we are the only person capable of looking after our well being. Our mind, body, and soul. God's love is pure. God knows all. Our purest part of our soul does too. How can it not, if we are if God's making. Yet, some people hate me when I say that, as if I'm arrogant.

Okay, as for the review part, what I did notice was a few commas errors.

Other than that I didn't see anything needing fixing. I was too engrossed in your story, if there were any other areas needing looking at.

I think you did a good job describing the feelings and actions, although I wasn't sure what kind of things the husband lied about.

I do think that my husband lied to me too. And he wanted to save face. Maybe thought I'd never forget. What bothers me about it as this behavior was learned from an authority figure. So basically they learned what they lived.

Hopefully, with time passing, these ones can learn that diesnt work out so well, but maybe some never learn. Okay make that some definitely don't learn even up til death occurs

But guess what God knows. And God's love can repurify and return that person to their true soul.

Thanks for the read.


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157
157
Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Renee,

After your gracious review, I decided to look in your portfolio and I found this one.

I knew I had to read and review it.

First, I will say the content is very good. Did you call her Grandma or a special name? I ask as sometimes using the name you used makes it feel even realer. If not, it's fine the way it is. Give them both names, whether they're real or not.

{I did find some errors where just a small change will work out well.

If you don't mind, I will show where the errors are and add in the suggestions. I use these ( And ).
I also will indicate paragraphing break it up and make it easier to read.

It has been eight years (in August) since my grandma had pass(ed) away. (She was) in a nursing home. I felt so bad that we couldn't bring her home to our house, so we could take care of her. She need(ed) a lot of care at the time of her death, because she (could)n't walk at the time. (S)he couldn't get out of bed, without getting some help from the nurses at the nursing home(.)

* Here I would start the next paragraph by adding linespace.)

I went to visit my grandma, after work. I could see that she didn't want to be at the nursing home. Grandma was use to driving and going places on her own(,) and taking care of herself(,) and my uncle, who live(d) with her.
And, now my grandma had to rely on nurses and other people.

* I didn't like the tense you used Because in other parts the tense changes as in (has to rely) It has to be one or the other throughout the story.)

As, I continued (to) visit my grandma in the nursing home, she seemed to grow progressively weaker each time. She had previously picked up an infection in her leg, which had brought her there in the first place and it wasn't healing properly.

* Do you see what I mean? Does it read better? Also I combined a few phrases to make it more concise.

A couple a days in the middle of August, on a Tuesday morning, I went down to see her again. When I walked into her room with the food that she had asked for, she didn't look at me for some reason. She seemed different somehow. I stepped out of her room and went out to the nurse's station to talk to the nurse.

And she told me, "I'm sorry, but she's dying. It's only a matter of time."

* Adding at least a little dialogue will really make this story come to life.*

I didn't want to believe her, yet things just felt different.

I walked back into her room. She told me that she couldn't use her hands to eat her food, and could I feed her.

*I would add your response here if this meant she asked you or if you asked her if you could. That to me is such a loving gift to feed her. I nearly choked up reading it.

"I love you. You take care of yourself and everyone."

* I might have added something she said about her time to go if she did say anything. Then maybe your response would be. "Please don't say that." Or you'd tell her you'd miss her if she has to go to be with the Lord. This might not be what either of you said to each other. But anything said at this time can bring in the held up emotions.

If you go on with any changes I'd keep those kinds of suggestions in mind.

Since I'm guessing it's a true story, you might not want to change any of it, and that's perfectly fine, but since you're new and are wanting to write. These are my suggestions, and this will work in other stories.
If you need more help I'd be happy to help with the rest, given that I have time.

This is a good start and a tribute to your grandma. If you review other people work, you will see what works and what doesn't. That's how we learn.

Thanks for sharing.


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158
Review of Las Vegas Bound  Open in new Window.
Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello J.E. Allen,

I just read your item and am here to do a review.

The title is appropriate to the content.

I liked how we see and hear what Justine is seeing and hearing. It makes it more immediate as if we are there, but then fog sidles in and gets worse. It's so bad that she can't see ahead of her.

Then things get weirder yet and poor Justine is in a panic.

Good imagery there and tension. We wonder what will happen next, but it's over before anything else happens.

And suddenly her car works fine, the fog disappears, and the only evidence of anything threatening happening is the handprints.

And so she got safely away, yet we're not sure what all of that was about.

I might add that I know that stretch of desert and have traveled it often. I especially like the little town where there's a huge outside thermometer standing higher than any building. You can see it from miles away in any direction as it's all flat land out there.

Yet, I don't ever remember seeing fog. Just dry dusty dirt and sporadic desert plants.

But this is a story so anything's possible.

I'd have given her a reason that was g out like that. Maybe a prescription side effect or maybe psychosis of some kind. To be honest,. I thought she'd crashed and people were trying to get in to help her but in her min she thought they were out to get her, but that wasn't it.

Good job overall regardless.

Happy Anniversary!

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159
159
Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Odessa M,

I found this while browsing through WDC and just had to read it and review.

Oh those dogs. They can be mischievous. Oh what's that? A delicious trkey. Oh yes.

I find this 🏠 ghly amusing as I can remember my little dogs having that looked their ears pinned back, and averted eyes when I said, "Who did this? What did you do? Which if you did that? Tell me."

Of course neither did. The look they had was pretty sad so I left them alone. I just cleaned up the mess.

Later I realized they hadn't even done anything. It was a problem cause by something else. Oops.

Then I really felt bad.i just give them extra loving.

I like how we saw the mess through your words plus the looks on the dogs faces.

I bet they were sorry totally pigging out like that and eating Christmas dinner.

*Idea* The only thing I might have changed would be where you found the next sign of them getting into things and eating them. I would add a line space to separate the different things as it gives a feeling of time padding by.

Thanks for the read and laugh.
Well done.



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160
160
Review of Come Unto Me  Open in new Window.
Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Spiritual Dawning,

I happen this see your portfolio while browsing in WDC. I'm here to read and review your item.

After viewing several, I couldn't decide which one, but finally chose this one for your anniversary review.

I'm not that experienced with poetry. I just know what I like when I see it.

In this item, it reveals the reassurance that the poet is strong and will be for someone specia. This means to protect and surround the lived one with thier love.

So sweet it is. This tender caring.

Formatting looks good.
Very expressive.
No spelling errors.

Good job on this. I hope to see more.

Happy Anniversary!
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161
161
Review of Is it Just Me?  Open in new Window.
Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Simply Blue,

I'm here to read and review your item I found in your portfolio.

I liked the format of this item, plus the flow. While reading this we visualize what the writer has shared. Yes, that wind blowing through our hair, the feel of the sun's rays on our skin, the cool fresh air at the oceans edge.

But some childhood memories can also give a good feeling. I remember the lightning bugs twinkling like little moving stars. Where I live now has no lightning bugs.

It is simple pleasures that can brighten someone's day.

Thanks for sharing.

Happy WDC Anniversary!

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162
162
Review of I Used To Know  Open in new Window.
Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Dream Believer,

I came across this poem in your portfolio. And so I will read and review it.

Title is appropriate to the content.

Format looks good.

Premise is one that so many people experience at some time or another.

These lines express the following for me.

It is a loss of a life partner,whether it be in death or divorce or separation of sine kind.

When things are going well or not at least you had each other, which matters most, but suddenly there's an empty space.

It also tends to question about who you are.
I liked this as it expresses how people do feel.

I used to know just who I was,
I used to know just where I stood,
I used to know just how I felt,
I used to know just what felt good.

Thanks for sharing.

Happy Anniversary!

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163
163
Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Elby,

I just read Philosophy of Life. I think it's good to have a philosophy of life. It makes us who we are

At a younger age we might not have experienced enough to have a grasp on things in order to find it recognize our own.

So this item makes us think about it. To be honest I'm not too fond of the new technology because I think it makes for a lot of mischief because if ease of interaction. There are some people who aren't " user friendly" out there.

But thank God, there's some wonderful ones too.

Happy Anniversary!

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164
164
Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello again Elby Wordsmith,

I'm here to give you another review because I found another piece I liked. The Meaning of life and Finding Yourself

I didn't see any spelling errors in this.

I liked the titles for each section you spoke about.

Boy, don't I try to change those parts of me I don't like, but it's not easy when other people are involved. I do try though. I find it difficult to forgive harsh people who keep doing rotten things concerning me or mine. I'm not going to be fake and pretend that I don't remember something. Forgiving is one thing, not remembering is another. It kind if makes me think of that movie title called Once bitten Twice Shy.

Thanks for sharing this.

Happy Anniversary.
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165
165
Review of Heart?  Open in new Window.
Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Elby Wordsmith,

This poem speaks of a broken heart, yet we aren't sure how that came to be. Still the heart yearns and had hope for the heart to find long lasting love.

Well expressed and appropriate for Valentine's Day too.

Good job. Happy Anniversary.


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166
166
Review of Adult Moccasins  Open in new Window.
Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello K Sutton,

I just found this image in your portfolio.

Wow, those are really nice moccasins. A lot of work in that. The image is nice and clear too. I'm curious as to what they cost.

Thanks for sharing and Happy Anniversary!

Anniversary Reviews email siggie
167
167
Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Prosperous Snow,

I found this item you wrote quite amusing. I needed a good laugh, especially after shedding tears from a well done sad story. Yes, although I don't know the person, I found my eyes were spilling over while reading it.

Dialogue is done well. We learn a lot from just this one interaction. I wonder how it could be continued. I did a story where I interacted with my thoughts/other voice. We kind of bounced off of each other.

Anyway, I 💕 the humorous interaction between these two people er...umm beings.

I think the robots name should be Mary Lou, as I know someone by that name and it reminds me of her, although the robot does seem more fun, so maybe not.

Thanks for sharing.


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168
168
Review of TEN LITTLE WORDS  Open in new Window.
Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello S Spark,

I read your item about your mother. And I must be honest. I too hoped that it wasn't cancer. I believed your mother over her doctor. I think he was harsh but honest.


Still, my eyes misted up, my face felt hot, and I'm still sniffling. That's a sign of reading from a talented writer. One who could get me to tear up over someone I only know through your words.

Excellent presentation and expression.

Well done.

That being said, I will share a little too.

I lost my mother also, many years ago. It's kind of a long story. I might even have it in my port. I'm not sure. I think I did write about what lead up to it.

I guess I always thought she'd be around for longer than she was. I also lose track of time. The years roll by and even my pets lives seem cut way to short.

I can say this though. I was blessed to have them in my life. I can still remember those previous moments we shared and treasure.


I don't know how I found your item, but I'm glad I did. Thank you for sharing this.


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169
169
Review of A Taste of Honey  Open in new Window.
Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello again W.D. Wilcox,


I noticed this new item about bees.

Wow, Pudui became their hive basically.

Aside from that, this item was written well. We see mounting tension as each event happens and it draws us closer to the fear, but then a sudden realization of the ultimate.

Good imagery and wording.

This sentence stood out for me.

Now Pudi was the last, and the shadows waited like a gathering of old friends.

How true it was.
Good job on this.


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170
170
Review of Strength  Open in new Window.
Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello IE,

I just read your item called Strength.

It's a very interesting story. We see these two people united, then divided, and she deals with the everyday care of the children. It's both an honor and it can become tiresome, yet we still carry on,being the strong one, which maybe sometimes feel weak.

Four years is a long time. For sure.

Ah, the accident, what a horrible time that would be.

The one thing I did notice is tha you had her dialogue with his. In dialogue each person and actions go together. And you separate them from one another by using a line space.

Example here:

There’s my girl.”

Your arms are outstretched as you come around the side of the table. I back away, folding my arms over my chest.

“Am I?”

“Always were and always will be. Come sit.”

* I liked the he is trying. I saw no other errors in this.



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171
171
Review of The Suitor  Open in new Window.
Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello AE Wilcox,

I read this slowly as I noticed it was very short, which usually means it's concise and every word draws us in. It says a lot in so few words. Yet they are meaningful ones. There's no doubting what's going on here.

The widow is a bit...what's the word? Fickle? Which makes me wonder. Do male spiders have testosterone? Haha

Either way, the widow is quite capable of being a serial killer for sure.


God, I hope I don't dream about this tonight. Hopefully, nothing crawls on me. Now you r inspired me to write a short true story.

I had that happen in a car. My fiance and I were traveling through some hills. He was driving this time.

It was a beautiful summer day. And we were enjoying the view of the terrain.

Something tickled my inner thigh. I screamed and started jumping around in my seat.

"What is it?" My driver asked. He pulled over, came around the car to help me.

I jerked the door open and jumped out, flipped my skirt several times, slapped my legs, and watched for anything crawling around. "A bee. I think it's a bee!"


Nothing, but dirt was at my feet.
"He must be in my top!." I yanked it off and twirled it around.

Thankfully, we were where there was rarely any drivers. No free strip tease show.


I looked toward the car. My son curiously watched through the window. If anyone laughed, I wouldn't have heard them with all my screaming and jumping around. All was well and I replaced my top, and got back in, and we were on our way.

Well done on this item. I didn't see any errors.

Happy Anniversary!

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Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello JA Studio,

In your first paragraph, a story question arises. And that is: why is this place familiar to hi? As we read in we find outa little more.

The woman in the window longs for him and remembers. It is rather bittersweet for her.

I liked especially that one line where it says: rested her head gently against the crown glass, and let her fingers trail down to her side creating fresh streaks in the frost.


It's almost similar to her feelings. Sad, teary. Wet like rain. (good imagery)

And for him, he has a woman and child now so he only hesitates slightly.

Little does she know the depth of his feelings. I soppose that it might give her hope, possibly false hope.

Yet she will watch for him again aanyway. And wonder when her lol going will be sated, if at all.

So very sad.

Done well. And I saw no errors.

Thanks for sharing.

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Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hello Jeff,

I saw this item in your portfolio and enjoyed reading this article about snail mail. You brought up some very good points in it.

In your first paragraph, the words "Where are you?" And "Why aren't you calling me back?" resonate with me. I have had experience with that. I will explain shortly.

The formatting in your item looks good. Nice line spacing and paragraphing

The thought process is explained well as we see the options we have concerning using this new technology versus the old fashioned way of communicating.

I created an item as a bit more of my response became long.

"Cell Phones, IMs and Snail Mail." Open in new Window.

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Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Bren,

I'm here to wish you a blessed WDC Anniversary, but also to review your item.

This certainly feels real. The falling asleep, only to dream, which turns to a nightmare. Yet it's not quite the nightmarish situation when the woman wakes up to reality. She's alone.

Unfortunately, this happens way too often. It's bad enough that the husband died, but worse as she daily realises he's not coming back.

I hope this isn't real but if so realise that you are stronger than you realize and you will move through this in time and find some sense if peace again.

Thanks for sharing this.
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Review of Lockdown!  Open in new Window.
Review by SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Scott,

I'm here to review your item. I found this one and it looks interesting.

Right away we see the action and where this takes place. It has tension. It feels immediate and that's a good thing.

* The dialogue looks good.
* Events seem to happen in a logical order.
* Formatting looks okay too.

*Pencil*

Here it needs italics for his thoughts.

{I}He is really going to shoot me,{/I}John thought.

Here you changed the tense.
* but he heard it go off and felt excruciating pain in his shoulder.

*Idea*

The gun fired. Excruciating pain shot through his shoulder.

This was a good action scene but we need more toake it a story.
Thanks for sharing.
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