The story turned out well, but I am afraid I could not clearly make out why you used the word "birthright" at the end? If you intended to imply that Annie's daughter and Holston were the parents of the child that she substituted for the dead kid, why, this point was not easily enunciated in the text. Apart from this, I have a few suggestions too:
The coach driver was dead; lost control driving too fast across the rickety wooden bridge, Annie surmised .... here, add the words "he had" before the word "lost".
"Run to the tavern Jim and get help," ordered Annie ... here, the arrangement is meaningful if you put commas before and after "Jim".
I was expecting the story to turn out in the manner it did; however, even so, the way in which it was written, it made me read it in a rush! You have done a wonderful job and the timing of the anti-climax is also done at the perfect point! Well done, sir!
It is really heartening to have a person such as you who gives so generously from his own kitty to people whom he hardly even knows! May God Bless you for the same.
At the same time, let me say that giving GP's for writing reviews is the most imaginative step taken by you to encourage fellowship among all the members. This item and the Review Mixer have done a lot for me at least!
Even as I read this poem, I was reminded of an old saying that every cloud has a silver lining. You are so right. Things that look dismal initially may end up with a cheer and we should not judge something too soon! Good poem indeed. A few lines here have gone to longer lengths and they interrupt the smooth flow when you say the poem aloud. See if you can shorten them and sharpen them too.
Wonderful item to rejoice and celebrate the birthday of Writing.com. You guys are simply great and deserve full points for taking this web-site to dizzying heights so fast and with such a friendly attitude to all users. Truly, the site is blessed!
This is indeed a very precise and well-described account of the new facility that you have introduced, and as you say, its usage innovativeness will only be known once more people subscribe to it. I will add it to my wish list immediately!
I came across your name in one of the convention 2004 write-ups (I believe it was in Viv's write-up) and was curious to visit your port as she described you as a "dear friend for the last thirty years"! I am pleased to know you, Madam. Please give my love to your eight-month old grand-child!
Perhaps a lot of what you write in this piece is the same as your bio-block. Maybe some change is needed either there or here ...
You sure took us on a magical journey! I am sure your friends won't let you stay at home the next year either! Your telling of the conention was easily the best of the three or four that I read about. What the rest of us are dying to know (and you won't tell us, of course) is the REAL NAMES OF THE SM AND SMs ...
I admire your fortitude and smiling in spite of facing the two tragedies that you mentioned.
Your account of the Convention was succinct and yet clear: we, who had no hope of attending, felt as if we were there with you when you all cheered the SM and the SMs when they danced!
This is a beautiful, nostalgic piece. You have created a different world that is romantic and full of pleasant and pleasing memories. I, however, failed to find the meaning of the title expression (What is Aggie?)
The word "twilight" is spelt wrongly and you might want to correct that.
The three formats you have sent do not include sending back your manuscript in 30 pieces, my friend! Still, I mean, this is a very useful piece and lots of us who are aiming to get published will hope at least for the "very kind" rejection letters!
I appreciate your elaborate discussion on rating and reviewing. I definitely feel that some items, like those put up by {suser:Writing.com Support} as well as some Image items do not need a review and merely sending a number is sufficient. What do you think about that?
This poll is too simplistic. One has to consider that there are members from many faiths here. Giving them the option of "I am not interested" is unfair, since one can believe in the Koran and yet be interested in the Bible, or the Torah.
Keep at it, Zooduck and one day I am gonna come and "murder" you. What a good laugh I had with my choice of words. I'll just copy and paste the most amusing portion here:
The checker scratched her ear with a basket and pointed down aisle 5 with out saying a word. Jill found it and put it in her cart. While she was checking out, a sonorous group of crows came in the store and demanded that everyone get down on the ground. The calmest one of the group pulled out a needle and began waving it around. They were being robbed at needlepoint by a sonorous group of crows!!
This is a well-written exhortation. You should hae highlighted one or two more things: one, that it is only after you become a member (even if it is a free membership) that you can rate and review other's items; second, that there are many items that are NOT VISIBLE to a non-member, and some that are not visible to non-authors; thirdly, that one can always start off as a free member!
Congratulations and felicitations to you and to your daughter as well. We missed it, of course, but your account from the heart relived the evening for us.
It was interesting to read the essay. Since you have ended with an exhortation to women to do something, why don't you carry out a user poll on the subject?
'Although Dysthymic Depression’s symptoms are not as severe as Major Depression’s symptoms, they are still important. Dysthymic’s ....': important should be 'significant' and remove the apostrophe in the last word.
'teenagers are the most common to be heard of being affected by the disease.': change the last part to 'commonly affected.' ... a more simple expression.
' Identical twins are three times as possible to have depression ': possible should be 'likely'.
' Although electroconvulsive therapy can be dangerous and cause memory loss or disorientation is proves to help those in need of it.': change the last part to ' ...disorientation, it has proven benefits in those who are given it.'
'Although in some cases you are predisposition' should be 'predisposed'.
' If you are depressedor know someone who is, depressed get help. Do not hold it in forever, for you may be liable to do the same thing use a more specific action here, like 'have suicidal tendencies' or 'hurt yourself' or something like that.
Please try and give some references for someone who needs help or more information on the topic.
This is a very nice story. One will find one's most treasured things and dead relations are the most treasured of all!
A few suggestions to polish the tale:
Still, I plucked up some courage ... should be: Still, I plucked up my courage.
I had not opened my room ... the tense has changed from past simple to past perfect: change to: I did not open my room thereafter.
I fell asleep... :add one space before the "...". A space must precede and follow each of the ellipses that you have used in the story.
Though my legs hurt and my eyes were heavy but my mind was quite empty. ... : Here, remove the 'but' and add a comma in its place for smoother reading.
Slowly and gradually I opened my bedroom door. ... : Remove the word 'gradually' as both the words mean the same and add nothing further to the meaning of the sentence.
Shiver went down my spine ... : Add the article "A" before the word "shiver".
-Taher
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The coach driver was dead; lost control driving too fast across the rickety wooden bridge, Annie surmised ....
Please try and give some references for someone who needs help or more information on the topic.