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Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello!

I was just stopping by and thought I would leave a short note. Good job with your story! I thought you did a good job meeting the challenge of the prompt. I liked the nature of the conversation; I thought it flowed very well and naturally.

The only thing that I thought was a little off was the very end. It seemed to me it would have been more logical for them to get more food and then say something like: "Once we finish the desserts, we'll finish talking about the costumes...unless we're too full..." Something like that. It just seemed odd that they were still going to be at the party, eating and sharing food, but the last thing they discussed was calling each other the next day to talk about the costumes. But that's just me.

Otherwise, everything else seemed on point. I didn't see any errors in grammar, spelling, and punctuation, so that's also a plus.

Congratulations on your win today and keep up the good work!

Write on!

Elizabeth John


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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77
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello!

Thank you for sharing your work. This was a great story. I thought you did a fantastic job meeting the challenge of the prompt. There story was rich with emotion, even though it was a really short piece. Now that the contest is over, it could be cool to expand the story and flesh it out more, as you have left lots opportunity for expansion: why is he at the boys home? Why is there so much turmoil there? What is he going to do next, after they eat? Etc, etc.

I didn't see any errors in spelling, grammar, or punctuation, so that's always a plus.

Keep up the good work and write on!

Respectfully,

Elizabeth John


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of A Psalm At Dawn  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello!

Thank you for sharing your work. This was an amazing piece of writing. I really enjoyed this story. I thought the end was awesome as Ethan very succinctly embraced his true calling and identity. I loved the eloquence of the language you used; it takes the story to a higher level.

I also liked and appreciated very much that it didn't take Ethan forever to come the realization of who and what he was. Most vampire tales go on and on and on but about the right and the wrong of their new state-of-being. I hate that. I think Ann Rice started that trend with Interview with the Vampire, and it seemed to stick for a lot of writers after that. Your character got right to it, and I thank you for that. *Smile*

I did see one typo that you should review: "Minutes passed as the brother’s stared at one another." There is no apostrophe in "brother's" because there is no possession. Should be "brothers", plural.

Keep up the good work and write on!

Respectfully,

Elizabeth John


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
79
79
Review of Dark Black  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello!

Thank you for sharing your work. I thought your poem was interesting but I did have some trouble following it. I read the poem twice, once in my head and once out loud, and I found that the rhythm and the rhyme scheme may need some work. It felt like some of the rhymes were forced, and I couldn't the rhythm that would help make it easy to read. I think if you had a stronger, clearer, more defined rhythm pattern, then the rhymes could flow more naturally, so you may want to work on that.

I did see one spelling error; in the fourth stanza, second line. You wrote "scarred" when I think you meant to say "scared".

Please feel free to disregard any suggestion here that you feel does not subscribe to the vision and the execution of your work.

Keep up the good work and write on!

Respectfully,

Elizabeth John


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Quiet  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello!

Thank you for sharing your work. The message of this poem was just lovely and I really enjoyed it. I would make just one suggestion: I would start each stanza with "I kept quiet" as you have, but then I would drop it from the following three lines. I think it would flow better and focus the reader's attention more on the why of your action (keeping quiet). For example:

I kept quiet when they told me I was loud
when they said I should settle down
when they were the ones shouting
but the depths of my heart were fighting

In any case, this is just a suggestion. Otherwise, it really is a lovely poem. I didn't see any errors in spelling, grammar, or punctuation, so that's also a plus.

Keep up the good work and write on!

Respectfully,

Elizabeth John


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
81
81
Review of Remembrance  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello!

Thank you for sharing your work. This poem has a lot of potential, I think. However, there are some errors that you need to address. In the first stanza, you keep using the word "not", but it has not been placed in the sentences correctly. The way you have the sentences set up, you really need the word "do" to go with "not". Otherwise, you may have to consider re-writing the first stanza so that it makes more sense. Also, just as a general rule, if you want it to read more like poetry, you may want to revisit the form you have used to write this. Instead of writing basic sentences where you overtly express your feelings, you may want to look for expressions or wording that evoke more imagery. But that's just a thought. That said, the second and third stanzas are better written, I think, and evoke stronger images that show how the character is feeling.

In any case, these are just ideas and suggestions. Use or disregard them as you see fit.

Keep up the good work and write on!

Respectfully,

Elizabeth John


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of HEART DEAD  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Hello!

You reviewed something of mine earlier and I wanted to return the favor!

Thank you for sharing your work. I was a bit confused by the nature of your poem. You seemed to be talking about motherhood and the loss of a child, but at the end, you seemed to suggest that the child was leaving the nest to venture out into the world. Of course, I could be wrong, but this is what I understood from the poem.

I do have a critique: it seemed that in some parts of the poem, there was a rhyme scheme and in some parts, there wasn't. I would suggest you strive for consistency. Either there is a rhyme scheme throughout the whole poem, or there it is free verse.

Otherwise, keep up the good work and write on.

Respectfully,

Elizabeth John


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Remember Me  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello!

You reviewed something of mine earlier and I wanted to return the favor...

Except this really isn’t a true “work”, but more like an introduction (or re-introduction) if you will, so there is nothing to critique here; rather, I would say welcome back to WDC. Life does get in the way of our (writing) dreams, doesn’t it? Over the years, the rate at which I produce work has slowed considerably, I struggle to pay bills and keep food on the table, but I am loathe to get rid of my WDC account. For me, it’s kind of like an old and trusted friend, always ready to take me back once inspiration hits and life gets out of my way. So I can appreciate the story of your return to the writing table, and I hope your journey to rediscover your love and your pen is a fruitful and bountiful one.

Welcome back again and happy writing!!!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of The Point  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello!

I was just thinking maybe I would enter this contest and then I read this poem and I thought, why bother???

This poem is just lovely. I love the imagery that is evoked, and further, the sentiment. It's sad but resolute, but full of nostalgia and memory. It is just lovely. I know I keep saying that, but it is.

There were no errors in grammar, spelling, or punctuation that I could see either, so that's a plus.

Keep up the good work and write on! Good luck tomorrow!

Respectfully,

Elizabeth John


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
85
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Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello!

You reviewed something of mine and I wanted to return the favor!

Thank you for sharing your work. I liked this little poem; seemed extremely apropos. Especially for me; I'm a teacher and summer break is just around the corner and I eagerly anticipate having quite a few mornings like this! As such, it was easy to relate to this poem. I also want to just make a random comment: the title. When poems are this short, a good title is critical because it really acts as an additional line to the poem, providing direction of thought and clarity. I thought the title was perfect; it put me in the correct frame of mind to fully understand the intent of your poem.

Keep up the good work and write on!

Respectfully,

Elizabeth John


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Reynolds  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello!

Thank you for sharing your work. You did a great job meeting the challenge of the prompt. I thought this was extremely well-done! It was fun and light and full of humor, and still paid homage to the late great Poe. You very creatively incorporated famous works of his into your story, while still trying to address the mysterious meaning of "Reynolds".

I really enjoyed reading this, definitely it was a pleasure. I didn't see any errors in spelling, grammar, or punctuation, so that's a plus. Congratulations on your win and keep up the good work!

Respectfully,

Elizabeth John


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
87
87
Review of Lonely Planet  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello--

Thank you for sharing your work. I thought you did a great job meeting the challenge of the prompt with your poem. The rhyme scheme was excellent, but the story within was what attracted me to your verse. The poem was exceptionally well-crafted, and with a few examples, you were able to replicate what I believe are the actions and sentiments of people everyday a thousand times over. This poem I think is highly relevant and relatable, and I'm sure your words will be appreciated by many readers to come.

Good luck with the contest today. I think you have a winner! *Smile*

Respectfully,

Elizabeth John


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
88
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Review of Lonely People  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello!

Thank you for sharing your work. I thought you did a good job meeting the challenge of this prompt. I thought your word choice was excellent, because you painted clear, concrete pictures of what was happening. I thought the poem was a little sad; it made me sigh a little bit despair. I think we can all relate to the idea of being lonely when surrounded by people; I think this poem was bleak in its content (but certainly on point).

I didn't see any errors in spelling, grammar, or punctuation, so that's a plus!

Good luck with the contest!

Respectfully,

Elizabeth John


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
89
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Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello--

Thank you for sharing your work. Your story is well-written and very description. I could easily imagine the scene as it unfolded: the girl in a small, mismatched kitchen, cooking dinner, while the men are in the living room only accessible by a door from the kitchen. You can see the action from that doorway, and you see father and son staring each other down, each trying to assert himself as an alpha male, each unsuccessful.

I think my only critique is I would have liked a bit more closure, certainly as it relates to the title. The story ended, to me, on a curiously high note when the story itself focus on what was the acrimonious relationship between the father and the son. I didn't see any correlation of the ending to the title or even the conflict presented in the story. Perhaps if the story were longer, it could work.

In any case, I still did enjoy the read. Keep up the good work and write on!

Respectfully,

Elizabeth John


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
90
90
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi there!

Thank you for sharing your work. This is not a bad piece of writing at all. I really liked the way you tackled the subject matter; I personally am not a huge fan of trees or bugs or nature in general (ha!) but you wrote a piece here that opened my eyes to more of the wonder of nature (although there were still some images I could do without, lol). Regardless, your word choices made it easy to visualize what was going on, so that's very good.

In terms of the writing mechanics, I would only note a few things. One) In this line "The wines hang like long and curly..." did you mean to say wines or vines? Vines to me would have made more sense. Two) You started with a pretty good rhyme scheme, but then at the end, it seemed to kind of collapse. I would work to make the rhyme scheme consistent throughout, and end as you began.

In any case, I did enjoy this. I think you should classify it as a poem as opposed to fiction...I almost skipped over it because it just said fiction.

Keep up the good work and write on!

Respectfully,

Elizabeth John


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello--

I just found this on the shameless plug page--so glad I did!

I loved this poem (although I'm sure it doesn't hurt that I hate the current POTUS). I thought this was absolutely spot-on. It was very cleverly done and spoke to what many feel are his limitations as a person in a very humorous way. The rhyme scheme is very good for the most part, with only a few small bumps here and there where perhaps a syllable or two tripped the rhythm a bit, but nothing major.

Actually, not only is it well-written, but I personally could very easily visualize what was happening, so that's a testament to your word choice. It made it very easy to "see".

Totally enjoyed this. Keep up the good work and write on!

Respectfully,

Elizabeth John


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
92
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Review of Jingle Jangle  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi Stuck!!!

It's been awhile...maybe you don't even remember me? Regardless, I remember you and when I saw this title pop up in the horror newsletter and that you were the author, I knew I had to read and review.

And I'm so glad I did! This was awesome. I loved the way the story flitted back and forth from present to past. In the present, the story was gripping. There was a lot of tension, and I could feel myself cringe at the shoulders when that thing was basically breathing down Colin's neck. In the past, I thought the story was rich with details and I could really see the scene with the two brothers in the bedroom. I also liked that there were just enough details to keep the story engaging without overdoing it. That was great.

I would tell you that you have a few typos here or there. At one point, you said "In them screams I could hear...." Maybe you meant to say "those"? Them doesn't really seem to fit the narrator's voice. Also, I can't remember where, but you also wrote, "I seen..." You probably meant to say "I saw..." There was one other thing, but I can't find it now.

In any case, good reading your work again. You've got great stuff here. Keep up the good work and write on!

Respectfully,

Elizabeth John


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Arrogance  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello--

Thank you for sharing your work. I enjoyed this piece. I love the juxtaposition of her traits to the other person's and that it was always "more than" someone else's. That alone is the definition of arrogance, I would think. Really, this poem is spot-on...

If I had to give it a critique, I would suggest playing around with dropping the last line. I wonder if it is needed? I'm a big believer in the idea that the title of a poem can serve also as a line of said poem; as such, given the title, I think it's clear that this is all in her mind because she is arrogant, so I don't know if it needs to be said. But, that is just a suggestion or an idea. Nothing steadfast in stone.

In any case, great job with this piece! Keep of the good work and write on!

Respectfully,

Elizabeth John


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Awww! What a beautiful message and poem! I imagine that your friend was deeply touched and moved.

In terms of the actual poem itself, when giving it a "critical eye", I think the rhyme scheme is well-done and on point. I liked your word choice throughout; it elevates the quality of the poem and keeps it from sounding too "mother goosey".

I would caution one thing, though: you happened to explain what inspired this poem. I wonder if without this explanation, would the poem be as clear and as easy to understand and follow without it? I know that of course, people can interpret poems they way they want; but I personally am of the school of thought that if I'm the poet, I want the reader to interpret it the way I intended for it to be understood. But that's just me. You may be fine with others taking from it what they want, and of course, that's fine. I just wanted to point that out.

In any case, good job with this one. Keep up the good work and write on!

Respectfully,

Elizabeth John


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Cameo on Winter  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello--

Thank you for sharing your work. I found your poem in an issue of a poetry newsletter, and I thought I would give it a review.

What a lovely poem with such a great sentiment! I felt kind of attached to this poem; I believe in the idea that winter is basically nature's time to hibernate, so it made sense to me that when it "awakens", it promises freshness, newness, growth, and I daresay, hope.

I didn't see any errors in spelling, grammar, or punctuation, so that's always a plus.

Keep up the good work and write on!

Respectfully,

Elizabeth John


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of My Message  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello!

Thank you for sharing your work. I found your poem in an issue of the poetry newsletter, and I am so glad I did!

I loved your poem. I thought that it was simple, but there were was a lot of depth in emotion in it, which made it so appealing. I also found it visually stimulating; I could easily imagine the author, toiling by an ocean front with a pen and notebook in hand, contemplating what they wanted to say to their parents, friends, lovers, haters, detractors, supporters, the world. I loved that main character did in fact address all those disparate beings and showed the impacts that they had on his or her life. I really thought that was well done.

If I had to make a critique, I would suggest, as much as possible, to "even" out the stanzas a little bit more. Some of them flowed and read more easily than others, so the effect at times was somewhat jarring and inconsistent when reading.

In any case, good job overall and write on!

Respectfully,

Elizabeth John


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of I Would Walk  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello!

Thank you for sharing your work. I thought you did a great job with this prompt. I loved that this is mostly character-driven dialogue, and it sounds very natural. You get a very clear sense of each character's personality, and given that you did this with less than 400 words is no small feat. Also, can I just say that as I am also from GA, it is in fact about 90 degrees here already, and it's only 11:30 in the morning, so good job nailing that in your description, lol.

In any case, good job with this. It really is well-written, and I didn't see any errors in spelling, grammar, or punctuation, so you know that's always a plus. Good luck today with the contest! I hope you win! *Smile*

Respectfully,

Elizabeth John


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Silent Night  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello-

Thank you for sharing your work. I thought your piece was interesting, but in all honesty, I wasn't exactly sure if I understood the nature of your piece. I thought your wording and the rhythm of the poem were all on point; it was easy to visualize the scene based on your descriptions, but the last line threw me. It made me think that person this was a person who was out walking and got lost in the forest? woods? I wasn't sure. I think the other thing that could have maybe helped clarify the meaning of your poem could maybe be your title. I personally am a big believer that the title of a poem (particularly short pieces) is like an extra line, and as such, it's an opportunity to expand on what you are trying to say. I probably missed something, but I'm not sure how the title fits.

In any case, take this with a grain of salt. I could be way off base...

Write on!

Respectfully,

Elizabeth John


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
99
99
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello--

Thank you for sharing your work. I picked this to review because it was categorized as being a poem, but then when I opened the item to look at it to review, it looked like prose. Then I read it, and I can see the poetic elements in your piece, but in my humble opinion, the sentences are way too long for it to read well. You have a rhyme pattern established, but because of the length of the sentences, it's hard to catch it.

These are just suggestions, so please use or disregard as you see fit it. But if I had to tweak it, I would just shorten the sentences some. You could do it in such a way that it doesn't mess with the story you are telling. For example, in the second stanza, you have:

I thought, “I can’t believe he’s asked me over for dinner! This isn't real, I must be dreaming!”
As if he could read my mind, he leaned closer and whispered, “I’m glad we decided to have this meeting.”

You could shorten this way:

He asked me over for dinner! This isn't real, I must be dreaming!
But he leaned in closer and whispered, “I’m glad we decided to have this meeting.”

Or the fourth stanza, you have this:

I detected a note of urgency, perhaps excitement in his raspy voice that made me gulp down my expensive wine,
The room started to spin in rhythm to the sound of peppers being chopped with such precision it sent shivers down my spine.

You could shorten it this way:

I detected a note of urgency that made me gulp down my wine,
The room started to spin and it sent shivers down my spine.

Again, feel free to disregard these suggestions as you see fit.

Respectfully,

Elizabeth John


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of The Plunge  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello--

Thank you for sharing your work. I thought you did a great job with this poem. I found that you did well to use concrete images that were easy for the reader to visualize; as the reader, I felt like I was there, following the couple along, and experiencing all the things that the narrator was experiencing, so that's great. I didn't see any errors in spelling, grammar, or punctuation either, so that's a definite plus!

Keep up the good work and write on!

Respectfully,

Elizabeth John


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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