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Review of Her Darker Side  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Review number # 12 of week July 16-22

Hi Keaton, very nice name!

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Her Darker Side

First Impression: Initially, I wondered if this was simply jealousy driving the destruction on but then I felt it went much deeper than that.

What I liked: Judgment for the judgmental said a lot to me about the relationship struggle of good and bad.

What needs your attention: Nothing the poem flows very well when read out loud. the reader does not recommend any changes.

Favorite Parts: The envy was screaming, and then anger that some one so perfect existed. It can't be possible, it must be an illusion. There are people like that and it does feel frustrating to those of us who have one thing after another happen.

Overall Impression: Envy is as dangerous as jealousy, people are driven to depths at the time don't seem possible. Great job of reminding us that we all have darker natures than we care to admit.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


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452
452
Review of Another Dollar  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Review number # 11 of week July 16-22

Hi

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Another Dollar

First Impression: Initially the moth caught my attention and then living with depression, some one thinks like me.

What I liked: Here it comes again my sanity in question. I always wonder where mine has gone too, most days. It is nice to know I am not alone. It does feel like a kiss of death at time, especially when there are so many people talking, needing something around you and all you want is to be invisible.

What needs your attention: Not a thing, the flow in free style works very well. I assume the bold words had to do with the contest.

Favorite Parts: I am never ready for the dawn, but dang it comes whether I want it or not. I am lucky though, I don't have to deal with blinding street lights or car lights coming at me anymore. The moth wasn't ugly but it was a great metaphor.

Overall Impression: Very well done, good luck in the contest.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


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453
Review of On Pointe in Life  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Review number # 9 of week July 16-22

Hi KK

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: On Pointe in Life

First Impression: This could easily apply to any attempt a person makes in front of an audience, the humiliation feels the same.

What I liked: Upright and doing it again, a great positivity example in not simply giving up.

What needs your attention: Not a thing, I can see why you won first place, it rocks! The only thing catches my attention and makes me stumble is the word henceforth twice in a row.

Favorite Parts: A gentle leap my wings take air, I love the courage shown by doing it again. Life is all about failure and success and I do have it in the right order... success would not have its sweet taste without those failures.

Overall Impression: Excellent imagery and solid advice for making the most of any situation.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


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454
Review of Death  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Review number # 7 of week July 16-22

Hi Walker

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Death

First Impression: A fascinating topic to explore, and when I saw that you acknowledged it as a favorite I was curious.

What I liked: "From the fear of its presence I had never known such a menace." This particular line jumped out at because all of us fear death and facing the fear is not as easy as it sounds.

What needs your attention: The font is very difficult to read at that size for older reviewers. I took your poem and put it in a word document so I could finish this review. Other than that I saw nothing that needed attention.

Favorite Parts: I think the last stanza was very well done. It gave a conclusion to death and the reader an opportunity to realize death is not an ending only a step to the next adventure.

Overall Impression: Very well done, the poem flows well when reading out loud. I did wonder why some lines rhyme and others don't.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


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455
455
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Review number # 7 of week July 16-22

Hi Iggy,

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Across a Short-Cut Lawn

First Impression: What I thought would be a difficult prompt you rocked into an awesome poem, Impressive!

What I liked: The easy flow of the poem using the prompts and the rhyming pulled it all together.

What needs your attention: Not-a-thing! The stanzas flow smoothly from one to the next, the rhyming works well and the poem is fun to read out loud.

Favorite Parts: The rabbit flapping his ears and landing on his carrot of choice. This would be fun to illustrate and make into a children's book.

Overall Impression: Awesome job, Iggy!

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


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456
Review of O Mohonk  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Review number # 9 of week July 9-15th

Hi Web Witch,

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: O! Mohonk

First Impression: You didn't take me with you, *Sad* I am glad you shared the details so I could experience the location after the fact.

What I liked: You didn't say the season but with the lilacs and cherry blossoms in bloom, it clearly was springtime. I love when they are in bloom such a heady aroma.

What needs your attention: Nothing, the poem flows smoothly when read out loud and the grammar is correct. I don't believe it matters that each line begins with a capital though the prior sentence ends with a comma. I realize word makes every new line a capital.

Favorite Parts: The shadows briefly reminding the visitor the day is passing into nighttime and the creatures are settling into a safe place. The sun initially highlighted the beauty and the moon gave its magical touch to prolong the pleasure.

Overall Impression: The awesome imagery chosen by the author in each stanza that once together created a magnificent work of art for all to enjoy. Excellent job, thank you for sharing this with me. May I ask where Mohonk is, sounds incredible. Congrats on being highlighted by fyn in the newsletter. That says a lot about your work!

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my IMMENSE pleasure!
Lyn


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457
457
Review of What You Wish For  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Review number # 7 of week July 9-15th

Hi LdyPhoenix,

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: What You Wish For

First Impression: Whoa, I didn't expect that ending what so ever. This is a compelling read, I can see why it was selected in the news letter about desire.

What I liked: How defiant and aggressive Marcus was about the auction. He acted like the world owed him and in a way he had it coming.

What needs your attention: Nothing, the punctuation and grammar are correct. The story draws the reader in and flows smoothly to the climatic ending.

Favorite Parts: The auctioneers voice rising with each bid, I've been at auctions watching similar occurrences but not that kind of money though. It is so fascinating to watch people bid against each other driven with the There was no mistaking his obsession, the author did a great job painting this characteristic.

Overall Impression: The story was enjoyable and different than the other ones highlighted in the newsletter. It flowed smoothly and held my interest. I really did not expect Marcus to die. It really does give the reader a reminder be careful what you wish for.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my IMMENSE pleasure!
Lyn


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458
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Review number # 6 of week July 9-15th

Hi Dr. Taher

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: With A Cherry On The Top

First Impression: Tears flowed down my cheek as I read this compelling story about childhood diabetes and cancer.

What I liked: Initially, how Natie joined the Doctor's family was really heartbreaking. Then the discovery of her illness and how thoroughly the doctor did what he could to save her life.

What needs your attention: Nothing, the punctuation and grammar are correct, the writing flows very smoothly.

Favorite Parts: Natie realizing the truth herself. It made a personal connection to me, I knew a little girl named Natalie that everyone called Natie. Sadly, Natie had a heart condition and died when she was 7. She knew she was going to die and was always reassuring her Mom that it would be okay. That struck a chord to me and I cried even harder reading. I hate knowing cancer and other diseases steal our beloved children's lives.

Overall Impression: Excellent job. The author notes this is fictional but it reads so realistically that the reader believes the author knows way too much about an incident like this for it to be just fiction. A heart wrenching and compelling story from beginning to end.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


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459
459
Review of The Fun House  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Review number # 5 of week July 9-15th

Hi Tom,

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: The Fun House

First Impression: Captivating! I could not stop reading, I was swept into the story.

What I liked: The typical bully being scared himself. I really wish more children realized that bully behavior is out of fear and that calling the bully out sometimes makes it end.

What needs your attention: Nothing, the punctuation and grammar are correct. There is typo here- I hoped the tools in my backpack wouldn't get us inside the building that loomed before us. Or maybe you intendet it to be wouldn't as a way out of going in. It isn't clear here, leaves the reader wondering.

Favorite Parts: Becky encouraging the boys to go on and get this over with. The initial entrance into the fun house and the odd smell that should have discouraged them from going any further. Right there is where my curiosity escalated. The momentum was awesome.

Overall Impression: An intense feeling of evil that captivated the reader along with the three teens that flowed smoothly from beginning to end. Very well done!

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my Immense pleasure!
Lyn


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460
460
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Review number #6 of week July 2-8th

Hi Mary Ann,

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Where Have All The Letters Gone

First Impression: It immediately made me think of my own mother, I chuckled because my sister is always complaining about having to find stuff on my mother's computer.

What I liked: Send me a letter dear and all the letters will be clear. I wish it was that simple for my own mother, who also forgets that she has a mailbox. I never gave it a thought that something as simple as mail box could cause so many issues either.

What needs your attention: Nothing the poem rhymes well and flows easily when read out loud.

Favorite Parts: Emails are grand, computers can be complicated and frustrating I do agree. The password issue needs a simple book stored by the computer but then the book does have legs and wanders too.

Overall Impression: I enjoyed this amusing poem, though I am sure the details are not amusing to a seventy five year woman. Your eyes have seen an amazing amount of change over the years, I am glad that are you here to share with us your poetic prowess.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


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461
461
Review of The Sirens.  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Review number # 4 of week July 2-8th

Hi Inkwell

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: The Sirens

First Impression: Beautiful yet deceptive made curious about the sirens and the story the author was going to share.

What I liked: The second stanza made me chuckle they are probably the only thing that does not want our money. My mind's eye visualized honey oozing with your word choice, their voices must be beautiful.

What needs your attention: Curious as to why you have seven of eight stanzas with four lines. The one with only three seems oddly out of place. The rhyme does work and the overall flow of the poem is smooth.

Favorite Parts: Beauty and grace creates one lovely image and then quickly disappears with their ambition to make you drown. Then the next stanza shows the beauty is an illusion they are actually hags, withered old monsters with claws and scars leaving the reader thinking I'll heed the warning when I hear the sirens song.

Overall Impression: The author created good imagery and flow in his folkfore poetic warning.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


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462
462
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Review number # 2 of week July 2,-8th

Hi Old Bear,

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Boots of Bellfonte

First Impression: I hate when people leave their pets behind, simply abandoning like they were nothing. That is our we ended up with Purryl, she came to us all skin and bones in the winter. I still can't get over why any one would leave behind such a sweet kitty.

What I liked: The man coming by himself to feed the homeless kitty and naming him Bootsey. The girl came with her dog and called him Boots with food in the morning. I thought it was so adorable that the cat was trying to match them up.

What needs your attention: There are several incidents where you do not have rhyming and all the rest do, it is noticeable to the reader. Overall the poem flows very well but it could be better.

Favorite Parts: The last stanza, talking about making up their minds because the porch gets cold. Every kitty, should have a warm place to sleep, I am hoping that they do get their stuff together so Bootsie and Sam can be siblings.

Overall Impression: Interesting story about an abandoned cat watching a man and woman walking a dog, first the man alone begins to fed the kitty then the lady does. The homeless kitty long so for a home again and hopes that with his help it will be with the couple and the dog Sam. Very nicely done, great feel good poem.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


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463
463
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Elle, Charlie and Ky,

As a lover of poetry, and short stories and not a professional reviewer, I hope you take my personal opinions in the manner that they are given, my goal is to be encouraging and give you something that will help you grow as a writer.

Is the title suitable to the poem/story/contest? Yes, poetry comes in all different styles, forms, and subject matter. I think it is wicked cool that you are encouraging poets to step outside their comfort zone and try something new. Dirty Poetry says it all.

Can it be read out loud? Purryl, Yeats, Macavity and I hope so, it is something we do together every day. The poem Jenny entered is the one I reviewed last night and Vic overheard me asking the cats to make me cum. I was actually reading the title to them. Yes, it was funny to see his reaction.

How did your piece make me feel? I read the directions and they were very clear and the process makes sense. I am looking forward to seeing what my mind can come up with.

What was my favorite part? Well, earning a 50 K awardicon would be really cool but I would be equally as happy simply placing in the first Dirty Poetry contest.

What would I change? Nothing, all the typical questions appear to be covered and any additional questions are promptly answered on the forum.

beautiful creation of a woman with a tattoo by Marci

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464
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" 

Hi Tabitha,

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Wisdom of Insanity

First Impression: There is a lot of information to absorb with thirty two lines without a pause. Did you consider creating stanzas. Like where you have what have I done unto thee and then again so here I'll retreat, I'll shy away. These breaks would suggest to the reader to linger and consider what the voice has painfully alluded.

What needs your attention: The punctuation looks in and the free verse works well.

What part I liked best: These monsters invited me to see what the whispers were, and then the gossamer spun fantasies gave me an interesting image of a silky spider web with hints of gold shimmering. I felt sad that the angels betrayed the voice but then I wondered if it was part of the paranoia of insanity, Reality can be a sharp knife at times even in real life. I disagree the greatest purgatory is when Alzheimer's steals your mind before you have the opportunity to consider the comfort of death's darkness.

Overall impression: I think if the poem was broken into stanzas it would be a stronger piece allowing for the reader time to consume your words before moving on to the next one. The word choices are great and the images are powerful

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? House Florent is rocking the reviews!
Lyn


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
465
465
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" 

Hi Carly,

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Of All Ventured

First Impression: The picture created a teasing seduction as the reader reads this engaging kyrielle poem style. The imagery created with the word choices by the author make the poem fun to read.

What needs your attention: The kyrielle works very well in this instance. The stanzas are strong enough to stand alone but together weave a magical feel. The rhyming does not feel forced.

What part I liked best: Eerily, the fog was inviting to this reader teasing her to come closer to the mansion that has the ominous glow. Do I dare enter or do I claim innocence? Nah, I am a writer I want to hear the stories of long ago so I am entering. I am okay if it costs my life for I am not young but somehow I believe I could write my way out.

Overall impression: The poem flows smoothly when read out loud and is very entertaining. The rhyming adds to how easily it flows. The images in the readers mind combined with the visual image reminded the reader of a house from her childhood that every one always said was haunted. I haven't thought about that house in years. Thank you fro reminding me about the old place.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Hi Carly, your port is being raided this evening by a House Florent fox *Bigsmile*
Lyn


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
466
466
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" 

Hi Jenny,

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: The Owl and the Mermaid,

First Impression: That was so sweet of you to write this adorable tribute to Fran and Chris. It was so engaging from the beginning to the happy ending. I loved the images that came to my minds eye as I read.

What needs your attention: Nothing, the parody works very well. The stanzas are entertaining, the punctuation and grammar are correct. The poem flows very smoothly out loud which I shared with Macavity (my cat) while he was sprawled across my lap in the recliner.

What part I liked best: The mermaid swimming in the deep blue sea and the owl flapping his wings declaring I am going to make her mine. I chuckle when you noted they were married on an island prone to rain, it seems they never get away from the water. The honeymoon sounds delightful with the jellyfish joining in to make the occasion even more special.

Overall impression: A charming tribute to dear Fran and Chris, you did an excellent job with this parody. The free style form worked very well, it had a natural rhythm that did not rhyming to move the reader a long.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Jenny, you have been raided by a fox from House Florent. We were honored to be your ally in the raids.
Lyn


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
467
467
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" 

Hi Joy,

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: My Pond on a Wintry Day

First Impression: I love the images created in each stanza, you definitely have the gift of creating wonderful images in poetry. I could see myself watching the storm with you against my own frosted windows.

What needs your attention: Nothing, the it has its rhyming moments but then not but don't distract the reader. The punctuation and grammar are correct. The poem flows smoothly when read out loud, Macavity has returned to claim my lap alone.

What part I liked best: I am tempted with the clouds to take off my wrap and join the snowflakes in dance. Frozen images leave the reader wondering what unsaid things are lying heavy on the heart. There is an amazing peacefulness after a storm that is so inviting to create snow angels in the newly fallen snow under the moon. I've done it quite often. The moon smiling overhead overhearing the joyful lullaby's in my heart.

Overall impression: The author chose to weave a story within a story that captivated the reader. The visual images in the minds eye enjoyed the winter blizzard and the opportunity to create snow angels in her mind again. Though the reader senses a sadness in the voice wondering why it can no longer have pleasure, and its heart is heavy in a destiny separate.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my IMMENSE pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Happy Anniversary! I took my time and savored every word since the raid pressure was off. *Heart*
Lyn
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468
Review of So You Come Back  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" 

Hi Joy,

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: So You Come Back

First Impression: You were right many metaphors indeed which gave this reader time to reflect and consider the meanings.

What needs your attention: Nothing, you rock at free style. The punctuation and grammar are correct and the poem flows smoothly when read out loud though I was abandoned by my feline family, their curiosity at the noise outside drew them away.

What part I liked best: The lost bird invited me into the colorful twirls of a dead-leaf tornado which made me think of autumn on a blustery day. Another suggestive hint about different species connecting briefly before nature intervenes. There is something to be said for the security of an embrace even if the misconceptions linger the music draws us anyway. None of us ever want the magic to end, do we?

Overall impression: The metaphorical images are abundant and take the reader in many directions misleading the reader at times of the true affection but in the end the constancy wins. Each stanza alone could tell its only story but together they take you upon a journey of a relationship and the up and downs that realistically occur in life.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Rocking your port on your anniversary!
Lyn


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
469
469
Review of Rain in the City  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" 

Hi Joy

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Rain in the City

First Impression: I absolutely loved the image of people stacked like dominoes. Sometimes, when you are waiting for a light to change in the city the lines are ridiculously long easily as fragile as the lines of dominoes I made as a child to watch them fall down in sequence. If it wasn't for the fact people would get hurt, I would love to watch it happen with people full size.

What needs your attention: Nothing, each stanza contributes to build a very imaginative image of the city on a rainy day. The punctuation and grammar are correct. Two of the feline babies are still with me Purryl and Macavity, Yeats has chose to move to the window to get some of the afternoon sun.

What part I liked best: The thought of rain spread nail polish was an interesting opening to the poem, made me pause briefly but upon reflection it is true the sidewalks do look like they have a lustre in the rain. I think the second, fourth and six stanzas repetition adds to the image of a city overcrowded in the rain. I chuckled with the line of pitter patter feel of poetry's thrust. Yes, this poem does indeed feel like it is naturally moving along with the reader.

Overall impression: This was really good, I loved the images and the words chosen to give the poem movement like the dominoes ready to tumble upon each other.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? You are getting raided, Happy Anniversary!
Lyn


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
470
470
Review of In the City  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" 

Hi Joy,

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: In the City,

First Impression: I can tell you have been in New York City more than once, you have captured the lonely essence of the city that never sleeps. It's strange to me because New York City and Las Vegas both make that claim of never sleeping both give me a strong sense of loneliness when I have visited. People look stressed or panicked in a hurry and never acknowledge a good day comment when spoken too! So sad, because I am a very outgoing person and I always wish people next to me a good day when standing waiting for a traffic light.

What needs your attention: Nothing free form works very well in this incidence, the grammar and punctuation are correct and the babies are still listening while I read it to them. Nice flow.

What part I liked best: The mirrored facades to me always catches my eyes upon approaching the city, so many secrets behind them. I felt invited to join the crowd on the sidewalk clamoring to reach their destination. Amen, to the stores manipulating materialism with gentle seductions to buy and buy. My heart always goes out to the vendors on the streets trying to feed their families while passersby hurry pass.

Overall impression: I loved the ending with the mother's hair in a twist of gold, reminded me of the ultimate goal in the city by most of the workers there to make their fortune and escape to quieter times.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Happy Anniversary Joy! You've ben raided again!
Lyn


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
471
471
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" 

Hi Joy, Happy Anniversary,

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: September 11, 2001

First Impression: This day is one most people are ages never expected to see nor are we likely to forget. The young on the other hand probably will consider it just another day in our violent culture that exists in our world.

What needs your attention: Nothing, each stanza could be an independent poem by itself, the punctuation and grammar are correct though when combined it tells the story about one terrifying day in history.

What part I liked best: The first baby born after the tragedy was important, the sign of a new life and a new beginning after such a tragic occurrence. I felt that the soft beginning of pale could of been bolder because the images on television showed horrible black soot and ash everywhere which definitely severed a person's breath. Vic was in the city that day working, he spoke about how difficult it was to see and breath down by Rockefeller Center where his company's office was located. The third stanza remind the reader that even in carnage a glimmer of hope can happen, we can never lose sight of that for a minute.

Overall impression: Excellent tribute to a day in history on our soil, it also reminds me of how they must feel when we are on their soil creating carnage.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Happy Anniversary, Joy, you've been raided again.
Lyn


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
472
472
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" 

Hi Charlie

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: One Syllable Story

First Impression: It's harder than it seems to use only one syllable, I think you did an awesome job creating a story with the restrictions.

What needs your attention: Isn't this two syllables seem ed "You have to know that I was not a man that girls seemed to like too much."

What part I liked best: I loved the comparison of the first snow of the year, the first rain of the spring. She must have been pretty awesome because those are wicked cool images in my opinion. She had her hair tucked in a bun with several wisps floating in the wind, tells me the voice really looked at her and not the surroundings because that image left a lasting impression. She was ready for the world, and the voice was not ready to drop everything in a heartbeat with a girl he just met. I've had moments like that myself where the what ifs have haunted my dreams for years. Sometimes, the memory embeds so deeply in our subconscious that their impression sets the stage for everyone else after. I know it did for me.

Overall impression: This was an interesting story done in a restricted form that held the readers interest from the beginning to the ending.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say?????
Lyn


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
473
473
Review of Night Dancing  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" 

Hi Charlie,

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Night Dancing

First Impression: This title feels odd to me after reading the poem twice. Maybe something about the shadows or behind closed eyes. I Know You Are There Shadow or Behind Closed Eyes. I just know I don't get the image of dancing in any of the stanzas.

What needs your attention: Nothing, the free style works very well in this personal and emotional poetic expression about mental illness. Each stanza builds upon the other creating a dark view of what many people face everyday.

What part I liked best: "It's in bed with you, curled around your blankets." The reader imagines the blanket like a dark mist swirling and holding the voice in the poem captive against his will, he can see even with his eyes closed, it never fades away.

Overall impression: Reality is depression and mental illness exists in our society. Many people feel ashamed and don't seek help because they don't think people will take them serious as the author indicated in the last stanza with the rolled eyes and a loud sigh.
Mental illness is common. About 1 in 4 adults has a mental illness in any given year. About half of U.S. adults will develop a mental illness sometime in their lives. Mental illness can begin at any age, from childhood through later adult years.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Charlie I am raiding your port as part of numerous ally raids on our way to victory.
Lyn


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
474
474
Review of Bottle Hunter  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" 

Hi Nixie,

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Bottle Hunter,

First Impression: Over the years I have seen different bottles sitting on tables and wondered what the fascination with them was, I had no idea that they were worth money if they were old. Learn something all the time.

What needs your attention: Not a thing, the paragraphs were organized and informative. The punctuation and grammar were correct. I did not notice any spelling errors.

What part I liked best: How Marie knew every detail about the different bottles and how quickly people returned the bottle when they were told the price. That made me laugh, reminded me a time I picked up this lovely cobalt bowl and the lady said, if you drop that you own it. I didn't acknowledge her thinking she was talking to someone else but she made herself clear it was me. The bowl was eight hundred dollars. Just like your customers in the story I promptly gave it back to her. That was frigging nuts that a bowl could cost that much at an estate sale. Poor Marie, Calvin was clueless about her feelings.

Overall impression: Interesting story about two young people selling glass bottles that were recovered, the reader learned about the glass while watching Marie with Calvin totally oblivious of her feelings.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? An another House Florent ally raid with her opponents.
Lyn


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
475
475
Review of FRED AND COCO  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" 

Hi Jenny,

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Fred and Coco

First Impression: I chuckled because I have two cats that constantly steal toys from each other like your Coco does to Fred. Macavity hides his toys and Purryl immediately hunts them down and hides them again.

What needs your attention: The mirrored acrostic works very well with this interesting tale about the family dogs and their antics. Each line begins with the correct letter to spell the title.

What part I liked best: Coco, the frantic overlord of toys, she sounds like quite the handful and poor Fred sounds like he lets her get away with it and finds another way to be amused with out the toys. Have you ever considered sending a video clip into funniest home videos, you never know you could win the ten thousand prize.

Overall impression: The author chose a mirrored acrostic to highlight her family pets Fred and Coco and their never ending battle of toys and on-going laps around the gazebo. Each with a mission in mind, happily barking at the other. The mischievous nature and love each dog has for the other is apparent in the story shared by the author.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? woohoo, I am working my way thru your port on my raiding mission today.
Lyn


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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