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101
101
Review of Green With Envy  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, Elisa:

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Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting
Looks good.

*Content
Your use of dialogue shows action and moves the story along.

*Mechanics
*Syntax
*Punctuation

Flawless. Good command of the rules.

Spelling
I did not notice any misspellings or typos.

Here are two snippets I cut and pasted that may need tweaking for clarity:

"Probably an Imperfect, then. [Just curious. Why use upper case for the first letter in "imperfect?"]

At least Imperfects had to eat something to supplement their sunbathing.[What's the connection or explanation in using the upper case letter of the word "imperfect?"]

Note: Although I am pointing the above out for an explanation or clarification, I will not take a point off from a 5-Star rating here.

*Dialogue
I'm impressed at your expertise in employing dialogue in this exercise.I see how flawless your use of punctuation marks are in direct quotes. I don't see too many around. In fact, this is the first one I have noticed so far. Good job, Elisa.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
Good story. I like the brevity and smooth transition from one scene to the other. I enjoy reading stories when the author does her/his homework just like you have demonstrated here. Keep up the good work.


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102
102
Review of In His Presence  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
What a beautiful poem. Thank you, Jim, for sharing.

I, too, feel the Lord’s warm embrace every time he sees me tear up when I “look before and after and pine for what is not...” That is a quote from Percy Bysshe Shelley’s poem, which speaks profoundly of my emotions with the passing of the love of my life. His poem continues this way: “Our sincerest laughter with some pain is fraught: our sweetest songs are those that tell of saddest thought.”

His presence dries my tears away and I see the beauty all around me. Indeed, he walks with me and talks with me along life’s narrow way. I live for Jesus day after day.


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103
103
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello, Moderator:
~Click here to join a fun reviewing group~

Cupcake#6 assigned you to me to look into your activities with WDC and to give you a review. So, here I am, eagerly and excitedly surfing through your port, hunting for an interesting manuscript to chew and digest for breakfast on the last day of our Twelfth Power Reviewers Anniversary celebration.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
Indeed, you have become a creative writer after years of technical writing in your profession.

My amusing first thought on this: "Although the corpse exhibited no wounds, there wasn’t a drop of blood in his veins." [ It must have been a mannequin.]

But that initial cynicism was negated by the next two victims' cause of death. I must turn the page and find an answer. When Sherman became the fourth victim, that opened up the real horror for Otis to dig and unveil.

This is profound: "This extrasensory perception helped me realize that the soul of Sherman Helms had been sucked from his mortal flesh through the point of contact where his finger touched the mouse into some unknown dimension beyond space and time."

Good hook, Commish. You had me by the nose, leading me on, to satisfy my curiosity right to the end.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation Marks are concerned, I found a couple of minor infractions which can be easily remedied. And here they are. I cut and pasted them for reference:

"...whose lifeless form was found by her college roommate[,] Angela Moreno [,]upon returning from a night on the town with some friends on the night of April 30.
[Enclose a proper noun in commas if the sentence is complete without it.]

“What was that, Sherm?....Sherm?”
Uses of Ellipsis

Ellipses, also known as ellipsis points and suspension points, are punctuational device composed of a trio of spaced periods. (Always make sure that all three periods fit on a single line of text.)
When do we use a period after ellipsis?
If you delete one or more words from the end of a quotation positioned at the end of the hosting sentence, however, you need to use both a period and ellipses if the quoted matter has the status of a grammatically complete sentence. No blank space will precede the period.

*Dialogue
Great employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author. That's where the action is. Well done.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
I like the voice of the narrator. Relentlessly pursuing his investigation finally revealed the mystery, albeit, on account of his investigative partner who became the fourth victim in the scheme of things. However, my heart sank when Otis, the narrator, became a victim as well, who fortunately survived but unfortunately landed in the asylum of the insane.

Write away, Commish. Great mystery work. Entertaining horror story; and, almost credible.
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104
104
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, ikiyasama:
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WDC SuperPower Reviewer’s Raid has led QueenOwl's wings to random Read and Review with My Family by Melissa Jackson waving at me for attention. And because your work deserves a read and a review, here she lands to pore over your literary piece.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
You got me hooked right off the bat, ikiya. This is an interesting and amusing read. I have heard friends and acquaintances say Blacks are more racists than any other colored people they know, especially in the south. I had no comment. I just listen because I really never had any close interaction with black people. And I always get along with my Black friends and co-workers.

So, this story confirms what I've been hearing. Thanks for validating the hearsays I heard before. This essay is indeed informative, as well as, entertaining.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation Marks, and Spelling are concerned, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need minor fixes and tweaking for clarity, readability and in observance of standard American-English usage of the written word:

My grandpa is completely deaf...well almost. [Use of ellipsis]

I can never bring them home...at least when he's in town.[Use of ellipsis]

Uses of Ellipsis
Ellipses, also known as ellipsis points and suspension points, are punctuational device composed of a trio of spaced periods. (Always make sure that all three periods fit on a single line of text.) Ellipses have two important functions.

First, they are used in dialogue to indicate that a speaker has not brought an utterance to completion or to indicate that there are awkward pauses in the utterance.

The second use of the ellipses is to indicate that one or more words have been omitted from a direct quotation because the quoter considers them irrelevant to his or her purpose.

If you delete one or more words from the beginning of a quotation, you do not need to use ellipses – unless the document you are writing is unusually formal, in which case the blank space will separate the opening quotation mark from the first ellipsis period, but one blank space will follow the final ellipsis period.

If you delete one or more words from the end of a quotation positioned at the end of the hosting sentence, however, you need to use both a period and ellipses if the quoted matter has the status of a grammatically complete sentence. No blank space will precede the period.

I do have to point out that the rest of the narrative where ellipsis is used is done correctly. These two must have just slipped. And you know, I am just as guilty as you or anybody else. So, noticing these slip-ups also benefits me.

Well, it was the put-put-put and then bang! [Of][of] my father's 87 Cadillac finally choking on its last breath as it drove up the street.

[cacaphony][cacophony] [Spelling]

*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. Well done, ikiya.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
You're a great story-teller. Truth, honesty, and self-deprecation always gets a reader's attention. I couldn't stop grinning over this humorous account.

Write away. ikiya. You're got the knack with humor.
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105
105
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, Bubblegum Jones:
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I promised I was going to visit your port and do a reading and a review. Here I am reading your ghost story.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
I believe in ghosts or spirits hanging out with the living, albeit, unseen or invisible. The Bible confirms this phenomenon. Do you read the Bible? Read Ephesians 6:12 "For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places."

Indeed, there are seers, diviners, mediums, psychics, channellers, fortune-tellers, palm readers, prophets and prophetesses like your sister-in-law who are gifted with clairvoyance with extra-sensory perception. Sometimes, they can use it for good but most of the time, they use it for evil and wicked things. It's up to us to discern the difference between the forces of good and evil.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation Marks, and Spelling are concerned, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity, readability and in observance of standard American-English usage in writing:

"...other [then][than] it did happen in the United States of America."

[A][As a] matter of fact both roads and towns in this area are named after Indian terms and words.

Tobacco and warm weather crops were farmed throughout the whole area.[Ha, ha, ha. This is your give-away, Bubblegum Jones. It is North Carolina, right? NC is at the top of the ten tobacco-producing States.]

These [house][houses] are constructed very well to hold up throughout the test of time.

" because of [100 year ][100-year]flood plains...." [Use of ellipsis]

and I cleared at least 30 to 40 years of neglect and growth out of that back yard. [Presentation of Numbers]

15 feet [Presentation of Numbers]

around 30 [truck loads][truckloads][Presentation of Numbers]

[sister in law] [sister-in-law]

[ two story house] [ two-story house]

There were three little boys, and this Nanny would put them [as a form of punishment] into a dumb-waiter, which is like a little elevator to move items from floor to floor.
[Transpose: There were three little boys, and this Nanny would put them into a dumb-waiter, as a form of punishment, which is like a little elevator to move items from floor to floor.]

"...this was [alot][a lot] of work..."

"... must[ of][have] been the case."

Even after death[,] these three little boys were still being treated mean by the Nanny.[Insert comma]

the ghost of a white [dig ][dog]follows around behind "ME" when I come over.[Typo]

stair case [staircase] [Compound word]

2 year old [ 2-year-old ]

50 years old.[fifty-years old.]

[though out] [throughout ]

*Dialogue
Try to employ dialogue to show your characters interacting with each other. Dialogue put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author. Most importantly, using dialogue breaks the monotony of plain narration.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
This story can come alive and hook the reader by applying dialogue. Do more showing rather than telling. You have plenty of materials here to carry on a conversation which reveals the inner workings of the unknown and the supernatural entities present in our surroundings without our awareness.

Write away, Bubblegum Jones. Then revisit your work and revise. Polish - tweak - Discard - Redo. It's a lot of hard work but it pays off in the end.
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106
106
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, :
~Click here to join a fun reviewing group~
WDC SuperPower Reviewer’s Raid has led QueenOwl's wings to random Read and Review with Star Wars: Friendly-Fire Chapter 7 waving at me for attention. And because your work deserves a read and a review, here she lands to pore over your literary piece.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting
Following general rules to make Layout and look professional, here are pointers for future reference (if the writer's ultimate goal is to be published):
Use 12-point type
Use a serif font; the most common choice is Times Roman/Double-space manuscript


*Content
Wow! This is an action-packed chapter. What really impressed me about this unemotional story on the battlefield is the Commander's tears that poured out as he reported the success to the Emperor. He had feelings. After all, he was at war with his own siblings and killed them all to show loyalty to his Master!

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation Marks and Spelling are concerned, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity, readability and in observance of the standard American-English rules in writing:

([Legends and Canon material alike] the Characters, the Planets, events, ships, Gear, etc. [Mentioned][mentioned] in this story). [I can see this uppercase in "mentioned" was unintentional. It's only because what preceded it is a period.]

[angerly][angrily][Archaic]

"Leave it." Said the Sergeant.[Fix punctuation marks in attribution.]
"'Ship's E.T.A...two minutes." Said Fixer.[Fix punctuation marks in attribution.]

Attribution
Dialogue tags are part of the sentence. Use a comma instead of a period to complete the sentence.

Use of Ellipsis
The Interrogation Room shook from the explosion...then there was only silence...[Use of ellipsis]

Ellipses, also known as ellipsis points and suspension points, are punctuational device composed of a trio of spaced periods. (Always make sure that all three periods fit on a single line of text.) Ellipses have two important functions.

First, they are used in dialogue to indicate that a speaker has not brought an utterance to completion or to indicate that there are awkward pauses in the utterance.

The second use of the ellipses is to indicate that one or more words have been omitted from a direct quotation because the quoter considers them irrelevant to his or her purpose.

If you delete one or more words from the beginning of a quotation, you do not need to use ellipses – unless the document you are writing is unusually formal, in which case the blank space will separate the opening quotation mark from the first ellipsis period, but one blank space will follow the final ellipsis period.

If you delete one or more words from the end of a quotation positioned at the end of the hosting sentence, however, you need to use both a period and ellipses if the quoted matter has the status of a grammatically complete sentence. No blank space will precede the period.
If you are deleting one or more words from the end of a quotation that has the status of a grammatically complete sentence and that ends with a question mark or an exclamation point, position the terminal punctuation mark after the ellipses.

I do want to acknowledge that for the most part, you have used the ellipsis correctly. This one just slipped your hawk-eye! Similarly, the same is true with your application of punctuation marks in dialogue. Some were done correctly and some slipped by. Consistency is our marching order, right?

Traitors [of][or] not, they were still our brothers." [Replace. Typo]

"[You're][Your] Majesty." Said the Clone Commander.[Replace. Typo]

*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. Dialogue puts the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author. It hooks the reader and makes the reader involved in the action. Good job, Darth-Slayer.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
This is a great action-packed chapter with suspenseful and thrilling scenes. This seems to be the genre you're specializing in. Great work, Darth-Slayer.

Write away!
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107
107
Review of Dead Weight  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, J.E. Allen:
~Click here to join a fun reviewing group~
WDC SuperPower Reviewer’s Raid has led QueenOwl's wings to random Read and Review with Dead Weight waving at me for attention. And because your work deserves a read and a review, here she lands to pore over your literary piece.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
Do I understand correctly that Morris landed in this hellish condition for accidentally killing a young mother and her child, as well as, killing himself because he was driving under the influence of alcohol? That seems to be what I can gather over-all.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation Marks and Spelling are concerned, I looked before and after for writing violations to pin on you. If there's any, they escaped me. This is well-written as far as I can see. I'm impressed at your good command of the written English language.

*Dialogue
My only suggestion to enhance human interaction is to employ dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author and make the characters alive and real.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
I like your organization and development of scenario to hook your reader. Keep up your writing endeavors. You're good for it.
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108
108
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi, Maryann:
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It's dessert time after feasting with party animals at the Twelfth Anniversary of Superpowers Reviewer's Raid.
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And I choose this cupcake for my sweet tastebuds.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
This is a nice modern-day adaptation of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs children's story with the evil Queen as the antagonist. Using Google as the mirror, this story lends itself to our electronic cyberspace playground where our children are entertained from sunrise to sundown. I am impressed with your creativity, Maryann.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax, *Punctuation Marks and Spelling are concerned,
I looked before and after for any writing violations. I couldn't point my finger on a single infraction. So, let's leave it at that.

*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author and give life to your fairy tale. Well done, Maryann.

*Disclaimer
Be aware though, that the above input comes from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. Other reviewers may have a different take away depending on their expertise in wordsmithing.

*Over-all take away
This is very entertaining. Children will love these kinds of reading matter to pore over and pass the time.

Write away, Maryann.
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109
109
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi, Maryann:
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So, it's desert time. I choose this deliciously inviting cupcake for my tastebuds.
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Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
A parent's concern for the welfare of his child is always a priority, especially when it comes to academic achievement for college preparation. I can see where Mark is coming from. He probably had butterflies in his stomach in anticipation of his son's valedictory delivery. I bet he was relieved when the speech was done and applause came thundered from the crowd.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation Marks, and Spelling are concerned, I noticed your use of ellipsis that I need to comment on. Here are two snippets I cut and pasted for reference:

Flash Fiction Story Prompt: It isn't necessarily dangerous..

"Hmmm, I don't see how he'll make it through this[.][,]" [Was][was] the reply.

["energetic.."] [I'm not sure if the two dots at the end of the sentence are ellipsis or a typo. I'll just share with you what I know about the uses of ellipsis in the event your employing ellipsis here.]

Uses of Ellipsis
Ellipses, also known as ellipsis points and suspension points, are punctuational device composed of a trio of spaced periods. (Always make sure that all three periods fit on a single line of text.) Ellipses have two important functions.

First, they are used in dialogue to indicate that a speaker has not brought an utterance to completion or to indicate that there are awkward pauses in the utterance.

The second use of the ellipses is to indicate that one or more words have been omitted from a direct quotation because the quoter considers them irrelevant to his or her purpose.

If you delete one or more words from the beginning of a quotation, you do not need to use ellipses – unless the document you are writing is unusually formal, in which case the blank space will separate the opening quotation mark from the first ellipsis period, but one blank space will follow the final ellipsis period.

If you delete one or more words from the end of a quotation positioned at the end of the hosting sentence, however, you need to use both a period and ellipses if the quoted matter has the status of a grammatically complete sentence. No blank space will precede the period.
If you are deleting one or more words from the end of a quotation that has the status of a grammatically complete sentence and that ends with a question mark or an exclamation point, position the terminal punctuation mark after the ellipses.

valedictorian speech [valedictory]

Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia [are you the original creator of this word? Very creative. This word should be submitted to the Publishers of the dictionary for inclusion. I love it. Reminds me of "supercalifragilisticexpialidocious." [Looks like I did not spell that right, did I?]

*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. Well done, Maryann.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
This is a story so poignant. Every parent has a concern when it comes to their child's performance, especially in a big crowd. I hope this valedictorian did not disappoint his father and the audience.

Nice exercise, Maryann. Write away!


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110
110
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, Paul:
~Click here to join a fun reviewing group~
WDC SuperPower Reviewer’s Raid has led QueenOwl's wings to your port. And because your work deserves a read and a review, here she lands to pore over your literary piece.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
Cute, amusing and entertaining. Your dialogue hooked me.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation Marks, Spelling and all other nitty-gritty are concerned, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity, readability and in observance of standard American English usage:

"...then the[romans][Romans] had to have their own..."

[gods messengers][god's messengers][ Use apostrophe for possessive case]

Presentation of Numbers
You’re 50, she’s 39,
I got at 12
38 years

1am

Just thought of sharing what the authors of Writers Digest Grammar Desk Reference have to say about the presentation of numbers.

Easy-to-use methods for the presentation of numbers:

1) When numbers are used infrequently: if a number can be spelled out in two words or fewer, spell it out. All whole numbers between zero and one hundred will, therefore, be presented as words.
2) When numbers are used frequently such as useful business-related, technical and scientific documents: numerals are more reader-friendly than spelled out numbers, so the only numbers that are presented in words should be the whole numbers zero through nine; numerals should be used for all other whole numbers.
3) Ages (of persons) Except in journalistic, business and technical contexts, spell out ages: forty-eight years old, a twenty-three-year-old, aged ninety-seven.
4) Times of day. When you are not spelling out the times (seven-thirty; a quarter before eleven this morning; half-past nine; nine o’clock; shortly after five), use numerals followed by A.M. and P.M. (12:10 A.M.; 4 P.M.; from 11:00 A.M. to 7:45 P.M.); never write three o’clock A.M. or three A.M. Use the words noon and midnight instead of numerals.

“My friend [Walters][Walter's] mom. [Use apostrophe for possessive case.]

Use of ellipsis:
. . . thanks . . . Who would have guessed . . . Cupid . . .

Ellipses, also known as ellipsis points and suspension points, are punctuational device composed of a trio of spaced periods. (Always make sure that all three periods fit on a single line of text.) Ellipses have two important functions.

First, they are used in dialogue to indicate that a speaker has not brought an utterance to completion or to indicate that there are awkward pauses in the utterance.

The second use of the ellipses is to indicate that one or more words have been omitted from a direct quotation because the quoter considers them irrelevant to his or her purpose.

If you delete one or more words from the beginning of a quotation, you do not need to use ellipses – unless the document you are writing is unusually formal, in which case the blank space will separate the opening quotation mark from the first ellipsis period, but one blank space will follow the final ellipsis period.

If you delete one or more words from the end of a quotation positioned at the end of the hosting sentence, however, you need to use both a period and ellipses if the quoted matter has the status of a grammatically complete sentence. No blank space will precede the period.
If you are deleting one or more words from the end of a quotation that has the status of a grammatically complete sentence and that ends with a question mark or an exclamation point, position the terminal punctuation mark after the ellipses.

*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
This is a delightfully entertaining story with historical significance. It entertains as well as educates and informs. Well done, Paul.

Write away.
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111
111
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, nat:
~Click here to join a fun reviewing group~
WDC SuperPower Reviewer’s Raid has led QueenOwl's wings to your port. And because your work deserves a read and a review, here she lands to pore over your literary piece.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
This is a dramatic scene to begin your novel. Like a famous published writer said, "Start in the middle of things. Jump into action. If you start slowly, your reader will lose interest."

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation Marks, and Spelling are concerned, here are snippets I cut and pasted for tweaking for clarity and readability:

Troubled by her past, a [women][woman]decides to seek out the one thing she is forbidden from. [Singular]

"Thank you for coming[,]" her voice cracked.[Missing comma inside the close quotation mark.]

"Don't thank me yet" Jason paused, and with a heavy sigh continued.[Same as previous: Missing comma inside the close quotation mark.]

"Hang on the driver yelled to the back!" [This seems to be skewed. Punctuation mark needs fixing.] Sounds more like:
["Hang on," the driver yelled to the back!]

alot [a lot][Spelling]

Well that explains alot. She thought.
[Fix the punctuation marks: "Well, that explains a lot," she thought. ] in the alternative: Italicize the internal dialogue and drop the attribution. Something like this: Well, that explains a lot.] There's no need to indicate attribution as italicization means an internal dialogue.]

severly [severely][Spelling]

"How can I forget." she said.
[Fix punctuation marks like this: "How can I forget," she said.]

Punctuation Marks and Closing Quotation Marks: According to The Writer's Digest Grammar Desk Reference, typographical convention in the U.S. requires that periods and commas always be inserted before the closing quotation marks - regardless of whether a direct quotation consists of an entire sentence, a phrase, or a single word. Understandably, this convention is widely violated. I'm pointing this out for what its' worth.

*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. Breaks down the monotony of narration and puts action into the story.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
I like your employment of dialogue in this story. A reader sees the story in the dialogue as shown here. To polish this writing, my suggestion would be for you to clean-up the punctuation marks associated with dialogue. I always have The Writer's Digest Grammar Desk Reference by my side as my definitive source for clear and readable writing.

Write on, nat. You're not too far from hitting the mark. So, keep plugging along. You're good for it.
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Review of The Souvenir  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Rosko:
~Click here to join a fun reviewing group~
WDC SuperPower Reviewer’s Raid has led QueenOwl's wings to your port. And because your work deserves a read and a review, here she lands to pore over your literary piece.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
Is this fiction or non-fiction? I hope it is fiction because if it is non-fiction, let me tell you: I loathe you for your disrespect and shameless intrusion of people's privacy. My question for you: Have you ever been caught as a practicing burglar? I hope it's the only way for you to straighten out your act as a deplorable theft. I hope and pray this narrator is redeemable.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax, and *Punctuation Marks are concerned, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity, readability and in observance of standard American English writing practices:

I did not dare [to ][delete]try to enter the house during the day because on the opposite side of the street lived an old woman who liked to sit on her porch and sniff around.

For me, the [theft][thievery/robbery/stealing] was more than anything[but]a hobby.[theft is a noun. Any of the three choices will do to replace the noun form.]

Without too much of a hassle.[Fragment][Revise]

My [theft] wouldn’t make much more than a small dent on their wonderful lives.[Theft is a noun, referring to a person. If you're talking about the act of stealing or the items you stole, then, use the adverb form, or in the alternative:- "The items I stole wouldn't make much more than a small dent..."

And when people sleep in separate beds ... then something bad festers.

Uses of Ellipsis
Ellipses, also known as ellipsis points and suspension points, are punctuational device composed of a trio of spaced periods. (Always make sure that all three periods fit on a single line of text.) Ellipses have two important functions.

First, they are used in dialogue to indicate that a speaker has not brought an utterance to completion or to indicate that there are awkward pauses in the utterance.

The second use of the ellipses is to indicate that one or more words have been omitted from a direct quotation because the quoter considers them irrelevant to his or her purpose.

If you delete one or more words from the beginning of a quotation, you do not need to use ellipses – unless the document you are writing is unusually formal, in which case the blank space will separate the opening quotation mark from the first ellipsis period, but one blank space will follow the final ellipsis period.

If you delete one or more words from the end of a quotation positioned at the end of the hosting sentence, however, you need to use both a period and ellipses if the quoted matter has the status of a grammatically complete sentence. No blank space will precede the period.

*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author and keep the reader hooked.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
As a writer, you have a good command of organizational and developmental skills. It's a good portrayal of a deplorable character who preys on innocent people who are minding their own business.

At any rate, keep writing as your hobby not stealing or burglarizing. The former will make you famous while the latter will make you infamous.LOL.
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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Me~Duf:
~Click here to join a fun reviewing group~
WDC SuperPower Reviewer’s Raid has led QueenOwl's wings to your port. And because your work deserves a read and a review, here she lands to pore over your literary piece.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
Nobody ever wins in this kind of exchange. That's a given. All I can think of is this: God formed Adam in his own image and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life. Then, he took a rib from Adam and formed a woman to be his partner. They surely did not come from eggs. Although, when Adam and Eve procreated, there was a union of an egg and a sperm that brought out the first children to walk in the Garden of Eden with them. That's all I can add to this phenomenon.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax, and *Punctuation Marks are concerned, this is a well-written piece. Let me just point out one thing that caught my eye big time:

But to accept that as a correct theory, does it not then contradict the [bible]? [When referring to the Holy Scriptures which is the Bible, the "b" in Bible must be capitalized.]

*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. Well done.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
Gosh, that discussion ended like a dud at the Fourth of July fireworks! Seriously, this age-old question will outlive us all till the end of time and will always create a lively discussion among the elitist in academia.

Write away, Me~Duf. Glad you won the contest.
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114
114
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi, K5Rakitan:
~Click here to join a fun reviewing group~
Thank you for your confidence in me to offer you a review on Part 3 of Kaiba's Prostitute.
Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
I must confess I wasn't prepared to read F-bombs in this story. Because I already confirmed accepting this part, I will finish it. But, I just need to let you know I will decline any more request from you from now on. Fair enough?

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax, and*Punctuation Marks are concerned, I must say you have mastered the art of writing dialogue.

*Dialogue
Your employment of dialogue attributions, tags and use of quotation marks are flawless. Good for you.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
Let me just be honest with you. I'm a prude. I don't savor hearing or reading foul language. But, you're entitled to your own style and voice. That, I respect. With that being said, let's part ways, shall we? I'm sure you'll find the kind of audience that gobbles this kind of writing materials.


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115
115
Review of The Last Day  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi, EnterName5312:
~Click here to join a fun reviewing group~
WDC SuperPower Reviewer’s Raid has led QueenOwl's wings to your port. And because your work deserves a read and a review, here she lands to pore over your literary piece.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
I hope you're in a much positive mood today than when you were on the last day of school. It's good to keep a journal as you have done here. It gives you something to smile about when you look back during times of uncertainty and insecurity.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax, and *Punctuation Marks are concerned, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity and readability:

Spelling
Dispite [Despite]
I only took an[occasion][occasional] break to go eat lunch...

While I was there I gave my group of stories [stapled] to the teacher[misplaced word] which I talked to [alot ] a lot]over the school year. [Awkward]

It wasn't [very] fun [at all.] [Delete and modify]

*Dialogue
Try to employ dialogue to show your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author. Dialogue breaks down the monotony of narration.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
Keep writing, EnerName5312. You're on your way. Stay with it. You'll be glad you did.

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116
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Review of new  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, Alexi 2019:
~Click here to join a fun reviewing group~
WDC SuperPower Reviewer’s Raid has led QueenOwl's wings to your port. And because your work deserves a read and a review, here she lands to pore over your literary piece.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
Your first sentence is very long. You can break this down to two or three sentences to prevent it to run on.

[That] only the wealthy of the population could afford. [This is a fragment. Need to fix it.]

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax, and *Punctuation Marks are concerned, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity, readability, and conciseness:

[...from a place [know][known] as Birmingham [Replace]

[A good bath and hot food would not have gone [with out][without] relief to the couple and the child, [In the context of this sentence, without is one word.]

His hair had golden [sun kissed][sun-kissed] highlights, [In the context of this sentence, sun-kissed is a compound word.]

I see more examples of sentences to be improved but I don't want to belabor this review. Suffice it to say you need to do some honest to goodness editing and proofreading.

*Dialogue
Try to employ dialogue to show your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author and break the monotony of plain narrative.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
I cannot help but point out that this exercise is saturated with run-on sentences. My suggestion would be to look this over and make revisions on the lengthy sentences. Shorter sentences go farther than lengthy ones. Rewriting and revising are the key elements of a good story presentation. I know it's hard work but it pays off in the end.

Write away, Alexi.
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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, Tomoko:
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WDC SuperPower Reviewer’s Raid has led QueenOwl's wings to your port. And because your work deserves a read and a review, here she lands to pore over your literary piece.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting To observe proper formatting, Here are some simple rules to follow with paragraphing:
No extra space between paragraphs;
If you choose to add a line between paragraphs to indicate a change in location or passage of time, center a typographical dingbat (like ***) on the line.

*Content
This short story has potentials to shine given good organization and transitions from one scene to the next.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax, and *Punctuation Marks are concerned, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity and readability:

[Both men dripped sweat from their face - [faces]
[Agreement of Subjects and Verbs (Subject-Verb agreements) Simple rule: a singular subject requires a singular verb and a plural subject requires a plural verb.]

“It’s muggier than ever today, isn’t it?” [a][the]driver said. [It's the driver unless there was another driver with him.]

“If it will not rain [until][by] tomorrow, we must water the field one more time,” Kaito said and sighed.[Replace]

They stared at it without saying [nothing][anything] for a while, and then Kenta stood up, calling Hiroshi. [Then what happened after Kenta called Hiroshi? Fill in the blank. You don't want your reader to guess what the outcome of the call was.]

*Dialogue
Employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other gave this story some action. Practice in doing more of this.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
Like I pointed out in the outset, this short story has potentials to shine given good organization and transitions from one scene to the next. Go back to the drawing board and take a closer look where improvement is needed. Rewriting and revising are essential elements in reaching an appealing story that delights and inspires the reader.

Write away, Tomoko. You have the potential to shine in your writing endeavor. Stay with it. You'll be glad you persevered.

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118
118
Review of Healing  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Nuke Es Nos:
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WDC SuperPower Reviewer’s Raid has led QueenOwl's wings to your port. And because your work deserves a read and a review, here she lands to pore over your literary piece.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
There's a saying I came across from my readings which is apropos in relation to this piece you wrote. It says something like this, "Life is not always a bed of roses. It also has its thorns."

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax, and *Punctuation Marks are concerned, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity, readability and in observance of standard American English usage in writing.

Sometimes, the healing you have [do] is emotional. [Something does not tie in here. Sounds awkward to me. Would it be like this: Sometimes, the healing you have [to go through] is emotional.]

You hold [onto][on to] the damaged, poisoned past because it is comfortable.

Freedom in escaping the toxic memories, Freedom in escaping the poisonous people. [Fragment]
Suggested revision: [It's freedom in escaping the toxic memories and freedom in escaping the poisonous people.]

but… [Use of ellipsis]

Ellipses, also known as ellipsis points and suspension points, are punctuational device composed of a trio of spaced periods. (Always make sure that all three periods fit on a single line of text.) Ellipses have two important functions.

First, they are used in dialogue to indicate that a speaker has not brought an utterance to completion or to indicate that there are awkward pauses in the utterance.
The second use of the ellipses is to indicate that one or more words have been omitted from a direct quotation because the quoter considers them irrelevant to his or her purpose.
If you delete one or more words from the beginning of a quotation, you do not need to use ellipses – unless the document you are writing is unusually formal, in which case the blank space will separate the opening quotation mark from the first ellipsis period, but one blank space will follow the final ellipsis period.
If you delete one or more words from the end of a quotation positioned at the end of the hosting sentence, however, you need to use both a period and ellipses if the quoted matter has the status of a grammatically complete sentence. No blank space will precede the period.

*Dialogue
Not necessary in this exercise.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
I can see where you're coming from. I can see the hurt; the agony; the pulling away. I can also see healing and reconciliation. They are all part of living and co-existing. They teach us how to give and take and live in harmony when healing comes. We live and learn.

Write away, Nuke Es Nos.

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119
Review of Mount Vesuvius  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, e_bgem:
~Click here to join a fun reviewing group~
WDC SuperPower Reviewer’s Raid has led QueenOwl's wings to your port. And because your work deserves a read and a review, here she lands to pore over your literary piece.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
This is a beautiful poem. I can appreciate the sentiment out of the poet's heart.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax, and *Punctuation Marks are concerned, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that may need tweaking for clarity and readability:

[Cant][Can't]find the truth until it is a fault

well baked [well-baked]

And be renewed in [other][order?] to achieve all that I could only see in my dreams

*Dialogue
Not applicable

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
I'm not a poet but I enjoy reading poetry. I wrote a couple when I was young, romantic, and love-struct. But about the extent of it. So, go for it with your poetic talent. I envy those who know how to put words in poetry.

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120
Review of Thinking Fast  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, JACKY:
~Click here to join a fun reviewing group~
This is my way of introducing myself to you, fellow writer. I swing by ports, looking for something to keep me occupied on a quiet Tuesday night. Fortunately for you, I find the title of this submission from random Read and Review interesting. So, let me stop in, take a read and offer you a review.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
Nice short story. Seems the intimidation element Jimmy perceived coming from the gang led by Reese was resolved in his mind in the conclusion of the story. He seems to feel empowered with his approach to the bullies and might have a smile as the gang walked away from him.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax, and *Punctuation Marks are concerned, I only caught one minor violation that you can fix easily.

Here's the snippet I cut and pasted that need tweaking in observance of the standard American English rules in writing:

“Ah, sure… I’ll ask him. Well, we gotta go, see ya.” the group wandered on.

Attribution
Dialogue tags are part of the sentence. Use a comma instead of a period to complete the sentence. Or, in the alternative, make the last part a sentence of its own: The group wandered on.

*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author and bring the story alive.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
Wow! Jimmy turned the tables on Reese and the gang with his quick thinking. He has learned to fend for himself after all!

Write away, Jacky.

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Review of O.U.C.H.  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, Sandra:
~Click here to join a fun reviewing group~
This is my way of introducing myself to you, fellow writer. I swing by ports, looking for something to keep me occupied on a quiet Sunday night. Fortunately for you, I find the title of this submission from random Read and Review intriguing. So, let me stop in, take a read and offer you a review.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
Cleverly written and entertaining. I like your dry sense of humor.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax, and *Punctuation Marks are concerned, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity, readability and in observance of the standard American English writing rules :

"Hi. My name is Sandy. My husband refers to me as The Crash-Test Dummy, and I've just broken my toes-again-the same three that I fractured two weeks ago". [Terminating periods and end quotation marks.]

"...The bruises are fading to yellow and the stitches should come out in three days." [Correctly punctuated]

For one thing, there's the "ru" as in "rue". [Terminating period and close quotation marks.]

A klutz is especially vulnerable[.] [Supply the missing terminating period.]

We have felt "I'm Falling For You", and "I'm Head Over Heels",( In Love). [Terminating periods and end quotation marks.]

Punctuation Marks and Closing Quotation Marks: According to The Writer's Digest Grammar Desk Reference, typographical convention in the U.S. requires that periods and commas always be inserted before the closing quotation marks - regardless of whether a direct quotation consists of an entire sentence, a phrase, or a single word. Understandably, this convention is widely violated. I'm pointing this out for what its' worth.

I do notice that some of your quotations are punctuated correctly. What you need to do is to be consistent. Pay close attention to the squiggles when working on direct quotations.

Spelling
Here's a nuance between British English compared to American English spelling:
colours [colors]

*Dialogue
Your voice and conversational style of writing has effectively taken the place of dialogue. Good job, Sandra.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
This is an entertaining read. I enjoyed it thoroughly. Is there room for one clumsy senior? I'm thinking of joining.

Write away!
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Review of Miracles  
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Beholden:

~Click here to join a fun reviewing group~
Remember me? I'm swinging by ports, looking for something to keep me occupied on a quiet Sunday night. I find your poem from random Read and Review worth a peek. So, let me stop in, take a read and offer you a review.

I am going to bypass my point by point review because this poem is so poignant and there's nothing I can add, remove, or change from the beauty and reality of the ordeal. You see, my husband went through a quadruple bypass heart surgery in November 2009. Prior to this, he had surgery for pituitary tumor aside from being diagnosed with prostate cancer and going to treatments concurrently. To top this off, he fell off the roof and had two broken ribs, a broken thumb, and double vision.

He suffered greatly. Despite all these his faith in God made him recover faster than the doctors predicted. One day, he had an excruciating headache and he cried out to God, "God please help me." As he was groping for the wall to prevent himself from falling, his one-eyed-jack glasses fell on the floor. He kneeled to pick it up. The amazing thing was that in a matter of seconds, the pain went away and he was able to see clearly. His vision was restored completely. He hasn't been wearing eyeglasses since that time. He has perfect vision.

He boldly proclaimed to everyone, "Jesus loves me! He gave me my eyesight back!"

My husband, George, the love of my life, went home to be with the Lord on May 25, sixty-five days ago. I miss him dearly but I am happy to say that he has found rest in the arms of the Savior. No more pain. No more pills. No more doctor's visits. He is safe in Jesus loving arms.

*Over-all take away Yes, your poem speaks volumes of the glory and miracle God performs for believers. He is ever-present in time of need. Hallelujah! Praise His Holy Name!

Love this poem, Beholden. Keep writing.
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Review of Angel of the Mine  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Shae:
~Click here to join a fun reviewing group~
This is my way of introducing myself to you, fellow writer. I swing by ports, looking for something to keep me occupied on a quiet Saturday night. Fortunately for you, I find the title of this submission from random Read and Review intriguing. So, let me stop in, take a read and offer you a review.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
In your story, the children survived. Did the teacher survive as well? I'm curious as to why the community totally forgot about the monstrous teacher when they were celebrating the survival of the younglings.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax, and *Punctuation Marks are concerned, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity and readability:

SPC
[An]incomplete sketch of a place and [a] brief appearance of one of the MCs in my WIP

cred [Your audience may not be familiar with this abbreviated word. Is it for credibility as the dictionary indicates?

Abbreviations
Use abbreviations only when you’re confident your reader will know what they stand for. They are undesirable shortcuts that give your sentences an impatient, dashed-off air and an unfinished look.

Abbreviated forms of names and organizations and of technical terms can serve a useful purpose when they eliminate cumbersome repetition throughout a piece of writing, but it is best to spell out the name or term in full for the first mention and slip the abbreviation between parenthesis immediately following the name so that readers can make the acquaintance of the abridged form.]

*Dialogue
Don't be miserly with your dialogue. Use as much dialogue as you can to show your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
So, are you looking forward to a visit from your black angel or you'd rather not? Is there going to be a sequel to this cliff hanger?

Go ahead. Do a sequel. I would love to read what happens to the "next generation."

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124
124
Review of Learning to Walk  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, Whiskerfaceiswritingfiction:
~Click here to join a fun reviewing group~
This is my way of introducing myself to you, fellow writer. I swing by ports, looking for something to keep me occupied on a quiet Saturday night. Fortunately for you, I find the title of this submission from random Read and Review intriguing. So, let me stop in, take a read and offer you a review.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
Personally, for the sake of close friendship and camaraderie, I most likely would not insult the giver of the tarot card. I'll graciously thank him/her for the thought and leave it at that. It's not worth mauling over a minor item to cause the breakdown of a friendship. You or your husband can approach the issue in a different setting where nobody is offended such as in a joking manner. When you show by example your Christian walk, they will discover for themselves in time that he did not do your husband any favor with the well-meaning gift he gave your husband.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax, and *Punctuation Marks are concerned, I see nothing that sounded awkward or made me pause. You're doing very well in these areas. I did notice two minor violations that I need to point out for future reference in these snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking in observance of standard practices in American English rules in writing:

bible [Bible] Must be upper case if you're referring to the one and only Bible. On second thought, if the book you gave to your friend is not the one and only Bible but a mere replica, then perhaps, it's an illustrative version with commentaries and you can refer to it as a "bible?" [I offered her a bible. It was a paraphrase of the bible, not a direct translation, and more readable than any others she had encountered.]

The apostle Paul [The Apostle Paul] [Use upper case for Apostle in this situation as you're referring to Apostle as Paul's title.]

*Dialogue
Not applicable in this essay.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
I like your stand and concluding commentary. More grace, strength and power to you in your daily walk in the ways of the Lord.

Write away.
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125
125
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, percy goodfellow:

This is my way of introducing myself to you, fellow writer. I swing by ports, looking for something to keep me occupied on a quiet Thursday night. Fortunately for you, I find the title of this submission from random Read and Review intriguing. So, let me stop in, take a read and offer you a review.
~Click here to join a fun reviewing group~

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
This self-analysis is a good starting point for revision. You can read it aloud so you can hear your own pauses and notice awkward areas. Have someone else read your draft and solicit corrections or improvement. Most of the time we do not see our own mistakes as others can. You're heading in the right direction. Go for the gusto.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation Marks are concerned, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking in observance of the American English standard practices in writing:

The Bad news is...[Use of ellipsis]

What if I were to correct the structural shortcomings that are so clear now in retrospect...,and using a reverse outline…you know... fit the story to a new framework?" [Use of ellipsis]

And the Structure...[Use of ellipsis]

Are mine critical to the continuity of the story or are they just hanging around?... not to mention the ancillary scenesare they really all necessary?[Use of ellipsis]

Uses of Ellipsis

Ellipses, also known as ellipsis points and suspension points, are punctuational device composed of a trio of spaced periods. (Always make sure that all three periods fit on a single line of text.) Ellipses have two important functions.

First, they are used in dialogue to indicate that a speaker has not brought an utterance to completion or to indicate that there are awkward pauses in the utterance.

The second use of the ellipses is to indicate that one or more words have been omitted from a direct quotation because the quoter considers them irrelevant to his or her purpose.

If you delete one or more words from the beginning of a quotation, you do not need to use ellipses – unless the document you are writing is unusually formal, in which case the blank space will separate the opening quotation mark from the first ellipsis period, but one blank space will follow the final ellipsis period.

If you delete one or more words from the end of a quotation positioned at the end of the hosting sentence, however, you need to use both a period and ellipses if the quoted matter has the status of a grammatically complete sentence. No blank space will precede the period.
If you are deleting one or more words from the end of a quotation that has the status of a grammatically complete sentence and that ends with a question mark or an exclamation point, position the terminal punctuation mark after the ellipses.

It's written using “Flash Scenes” , a technique I rely on extensively and no one else seems to use.
[Use of comma and close quotation marks]

Punctuation Marks and Closing Quotation Marks: According to The Writer's Digest Grammar Desk Reference, typographical convention in the U.S. requires that periods and commas always be inserted before the closing quotation marks - regardless of whether a direct quotation consists of an entire sentence, a phrase, or a single word. Understandably, this convention is widely violated. I'm pointing this out for what its' worth and for future reference. I do see your use of punctuation marks in some areas are properly done. The key is to be consistent..

occurres [occurs] Misspelling]

*Dialogue
Your employment of internal dialogue showing your character interacting with a Muse gives life to your intentions to accomplish something.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
As I pointed out, you made good use of internal dialogue to achieve the outcome of this piece of work.

Write away.

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