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176
176
Review of The Rebirth  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, Charles:

This is my way of introducing myself to you, fellow writer. I swing by ports, looking for something to keep me occupied on a quiet Monday night. Fortunately for you, I find the title of this submission intriguing. So, let me stop in, take a read and offer you a review.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
I love your imaginary characters and the world you created for them to dwell in and rule. Your descriptions are far out that only a creative mind such as yours can make up. The only drawback I can see is that, for now, it's a strictly telling narrative. Perhaps, you can show more actions to keep your reader's interest to the end.

One way to keep the reader's interest may be is to highlight the arrival of this unusual baby as an opening salvo and then, do flashbacks. Just a thought.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax, and *Punctuation Marks are concerned, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity and readability:

“Such unfortunate, barbaric beings,” [Shaking][shaking] his head, he stated. “So young in their [civilisations,][civilizations] they still have not learned to find strength in their own differences.” [change to lower case][Nuance in spelling: Standard American English compared to British English]

in the form of a [purr like][purr-like] laugh.[Compound word]

the [fire ball][fireball] barely missed him.[Fireball is one word]

[bat like wings] [bat-like wings][Compound word]

His curiosity was [peaked][piqued][Syntax]

[mesmerised] [mesmerized ][Misspelling]

[Turing to the deceased old woman,] [Turning to the deceased old woman,] [Typo?]

*Dialogue
I see you employed a certain amount of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues do break the monotony of narration and put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author. Get your reader to react and get involved in the action keeping his/her interest till the end of the story. This is good. Show more of it.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
Take advantage of an opportunity to engage your characters in a conversation that reveals what's happening to make the story move along.

Write away, Charles. You're on your way to becoming a writer with flair.


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177
177
Review of The Fairy's Hovel  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, W.D.:
Power signature for March raid
March Raid has led QueenOwl's wings to the Read and Review pages and found your contribution, "The Fairy's Hovel" smiling at me. So here she lands to pore over your literary piece.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
Cute, delightful and entertaining take on humanzing other living beings, such as fairies. Only a creative mind can build imagery such as you can concoct. Nicely done.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax, and *Punctuation Marks are concerned, I cannot find any skirmish or violations to pick on. In fact, even your spelling of "Yezzz" is totally creative and original. I like it.

*Dialogue
Great employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. The story and actions are in the conversation.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
Brilliantly and cleverly presented, W. D. I can see you know your craft and you're a pro.

Write as only you can muster to delight and entertain.


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178
178
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Angus:

Power signature for March raid
Because eyestar highlighted this in her greetings this morning, I'm challenged to read and offer my penny's worth, right? So, here it comes...

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
Great style and voice. I love how the story is built from beginning to end. That pink fluffy unicorn came to life after so much twists and turns to prepare Rory for what lies ahead.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,and *Punctuation Marks are concerned, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that may need tweaking for clarity and readability:

Why are there pink fluffy unicorns in [me] Lucky Charms? he wondered. [If this is how he talks, I'm not going to make a correction to "my"; but, if this is a typo, then, it should be changed, right?]

My birthday! he thought. How could I have forgotten it was [me] birthday? [Okay. Now I see. It's really the way he talks.]

When Rory was discovered several hours later, he was quickly rushed to a hospital, where he happily lived out the rest of his days eating Lucky Charms cereal,
[This sounds to me as though he lived out the rest of his life at the hospital...want to tweak this part a tad to show he did get back home? I think "and" would be better to use than "where." What do you think?]

*Dialogue
Great employment of internal dialogue. I like the way you italicized his thoughts, which is more preferred than open and close quotes.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
It's delightful reading with twists and turns that made it suspenseful and entertaining. Love your style and voice, Angus. I should give you a Perfect rating except for that last paragraph that gave me a pause...*Shamrock*

Write as only you could!


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179
179
Review of The Recent One  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, Chris:
Power signature for March raid

March Raid has led QueenOwl's wings to your port. So here she lands to pore over your literary piece.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting
The way your manuscript is formatted, it is taxing to the reader to read one whole blurb. Setting no paragraphing and transitions from one idea to the next is onerous and a turn off. Be considerate with your readers and reviewers by making it easy and enjoyable to read your work.

Following general rules to make Layout and look professional, here are pointers for future reference:
Use 12-point type
Use a serif font; the most common choice is Times Roman/Double space manuscript
No extra space between paragraphs
Only one space between sentences
Indent each paragraph half an inch (setting a tab, not using several spaces
Text should be flush right and ragged right, not justified
If you choose to add a line between paragraphs to indicate a change in location or passage of time, center a typographical dingbat (like ***) on the line
Black text on a white background only
One-inch margins (the default in Word)
Create a header with the title followed by your last name, and the page number. The header should appear on each page after the title page.

Caveat: For the limited scope of formatting in this forum, you don't have to observe all these in to-to. The important consideration here is paragraphing for clarity and readability to make our writing reader-friendly, inviting, and enjoying.

*Content
This is a wonderful and beautiful homage you paid to your grandfather. He has guided you and molded you and your acknowledgment of his presence in your life is worth noting and celebrating. He must be smiling up there, wherever he is, cheering you for your heart of gold, knowing that his efforts were not in vain. On the other hand, they brought fruit that any grandfather can be proud of.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax, *Punctuation Marks are concerned, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity and readability:

...when i was between the ages of 4-6 when my mom, dad, and i didnt have anywhere to go...[The word I should always be in caps.]

UofM [U of Michigan?][Before using abbreviations or acronyms, identify them first; then, you can refer back to them in acronyms.]

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take awayWhat a wonderful tribute you expressed in honor of your beloved and adored grandfather. Thank you for sharing. God will bless you for your beautiful and thankful heart.

Keep writing, Chris.


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180
180
Review of Pure  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi, Pure:
Power signature for March raid

March Raid has led QueenOwl's wings to your port. So here she lands to pore over your literary piece.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
This is a great story for children's books. To keep children's interest, do more showing rather than telling. Children have short span of interest and to keep them interested, they need to see action. So keep that in mind as you create more fantastical stories to amuse and delight children.

As far as *Mechanics, *Syntax, *Punctuation Marks are concerned, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity and readability:

“It’s the middle of bloody winter, of course there’s no bloody food”.
Punctuation Marks and Closing Quotation Marks: According to The Writer's Digest Grammar Desk Reference, typographical convention in the U.S. requires that periods and commas always be inserted before the closing quotation marks - regardless of whether a direct quotation consists of an entire sentence, a phrase, or a single word. Understandably, this convention is widely violated. I'm pointing this out for what its' worth.

“When was she last time I ate[?]” she wondered.[Insert]
“How long have I been asleep?”.[Delete period.]

*Dialogue
Try to employ dialogue to show your characters interacting with each other. You have a few missed opportunities here to open up internal dialogue (when the dragon was alone) and open-ended dialogue between the dragon and the elk once they meet face to face. Did the elk ever had a chance to react? Sounds like the whole story is from the point of view (POV) of the dragon only.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
To make this story pop, sizzle and dazzle, demonstrate their actions instead of telling in plain narrative what the dragon is doing and how the prey is reacting.

At any rate, you're heading in the right direction. Keep writing. And pay close attention to showing instead of telling. It will make a big difference.

Now that you have launch your writing savvy, write away, We'reallguilty.


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181
181
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, Chris:
Power signature for March raid
It's March Raid! So, I'm raiding your port.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
Indeed. When we take our focus away from the author and finisher of our faith, we stumble and fall. This story about Peter looking away from Jesus is a great illustration why and how we fail.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation Marks are concerned, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity:

Jesus spoke to them at once and said "Courage!" [he said, "]It is I. Don't be afraid." [Delete. Unnecessary.]

When we take our eyes off [off] Jesus we have to depend on ourselves. [Replace with of]

*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author, making the reader an active participant in the action, conversation and drama.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
Keep writing, Chris. You're good for it.


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182
182
Review of To fly a dragon.  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi, Brooklyn:

Power signature for March raid
March Raid has led QueenOwl's wings to your port. So here she lands to pore over your literary piece.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
Cute story. Fantastic imagery wrapped into the writer's creative mind. I just didn't understand why anyone would allow a disabled 12-year-old to stay outdoors at night in the middle of winter - to think that they have a home nearby and a concerned mother. To top that off, Andrea was aided by an oxygen tank to help her breathe.

Perhaps this scene needs a little tweaking to make it believable and nobody can suspend their unbelief!

Aside from this part, my interest was held until the end.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax, and *Punctuation Marks are concerned, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity and readability:

The grass in these hills looked like daggers, though[they] couldn't cut the legs of a fly.[Insert]

Made sense, now that her favorite older brother[, Mathew ,]had left.[Enclose the proper name in parenthesis if the sentence is complete without it.]

Creatures [that][delete] varied from shades of blue[,][insert] so dark they looked black, bright shades of yellow that could distort your vision, powerful reds that filled their victims with fear, and even camouflage in the rare, smaller species.

[Twelve year old][Twelve-year-old]
In presentation of numbers, such as in age in the above here, ages (of persons) except in journalistic, business and technical contexts, spell out ages: forty-eight years old, a twenty-three-year-old, aged ninety-seven.

An hour [past][passed] as Mikey and Andrea continued on,[syntax]

Another hour past.[Another hour passed.][Replace]

Out of no where [nowhere is one word][ Replace.]

Like a curious animal.[Fragment. Revise.]

and his front fangs were pointed outward rather than curved like a snakes. [Possessive. snake's]

this dragon couldn't have been any older than a young adult just hardly coming out of his [adolescents.][adolescence] [Replace]

but [too][to] an eight year old like her[,] the beast was more dangerous than any mountain lion or wild dog. [Replace][Insert comma]

"I wonder...."
[Use of Ellipsis: Ellipses, also known as ellipsis points and suspension points, are punctuational device composed of a trio of spaced periods. (Always make sure that all three periods fit on a single line of text.)
Ellipses have two important functions.
First, they are used in dialogue to indicate that a speaker has not brought an utterance to completion or to indicate that there are awkward pauses in the utterance.

The second use of the ellipses is to indicate that one or more words have been omitted from a direct quotation because the quoter considers them irrelevant to his or her purpose.

If you delete one or more words from the beginning of a quotation, you do not need to use ellipses – unless the document you are writing is unusually formal, in which case the blank space will separate the opening quotation mark from the first ellipsis period, but one blank space will follow the final ellipsis period.
If you delete one or more words from the end of a quotation positioned at the end of the hosting sentence, however, you need to use both a period and ellipses if the quoted matter has the status of a grammatically complete sentence. No blank space will precede the period.
If you are deleting one or more words from the end of a quotation that has the status of a grammatically complete sentence and that ends with a question mark or an exclamation point, position the terminal punctuation mark after the ellipses.

[Somehow being the cooler atmosphere, high above all the dust and dirt below, it was easy to breath fresh air without the oxygen.] [This is inconsistent with the the beginning of the story where Andrea and her brother were cold and shivering from the snow covering the ground..."They got too caught up in their fun, and didn't notice the deadly cold dropping in until Andrea was hardly able to breath and snow began falling. In an instant, the mood changed. The two siblings and their dogs went from chasing little flying lights with jars, to huddling beneath a shelter of old pines. Moby lay next to Andrea to keep her warm. Mikey curled up in his sisters lap. Poppy was only a small puppy at the time, but still tried to help by lying over his human's feet.

An hour went by. Snow fall soon turned to an ice storm. Mom hollered for them in the distance for half an hour, though the two siblings were so cold and lost in the night they couldn't move."


Am I missing something here?

*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author and make the story pop, sizzle and dazzle.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
There are a couple areas I would work on for consistency and credibility as I pointed out. All in all, it is an entertaining and delightful story about children and for children.

Write away, Brooklyn. You're good for it.

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183
183
Review of The Great Stag  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, Kimberley:

Power signature for March raid
March Raid has led QueenOwl's wings to your port. So here she lands to pore over your literary piece.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
Wow! What a dream. Our mind do play tricks on us in various ways. They make us happy sometimes; they make us sad at times, and they make us horrified as well. At times, we do not even want to wake up when our dream gives us so much pleasure; and at times, we want to wake up to stop the torture and horrific journey our dream puts us through.

Maybe you ate something that did not agree with you that evening and Cernunnos came for a visit. Thank your lucky stars he never came back!

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax, and *Punctuation Marks are concerned, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity and readability:

Strangely[,] I was unable to see the dolmen until I was closer then it appeared as if out of the mist.[Insert comma]

Cernunnos [Great choice of a name for this creature in your creative mind]

*Dialogue
Try to give your story a twist by employing dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author and makes your story sizzle, bedazzle and pop.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
I like the way you introduced your character Cernunnos. You have the gift of creativity in picking an unusual name such as this.


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184
184
Review of A fairy family  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi, Maria:
Power signature for March raid
March Raid has led QueenOwl's wings to your port. So here she lands to pore over your literary piece.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
Your story has a potential to shine if you do a lot of polishing with your spelling and punctuation marks. I like the tension and conflict you created with a disobedient child who came to her senses by apologizing at the end. You lost me, though, when you referenced "Clim" for the first time towards the end of the story. Is "Clim" Caelum? If so, show it as his nickname so the reader doesn't go back looking for who Clim is.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax, and *Punctuation Marks are concerned, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity and readability:

Did she [went][go] looking for you? [Because this is part of a direct quote, it's not necessary to correct the tense in this sentence, if it was your intention to demonstrate the way someone talks. Otherwise, grammarly, replace went with go.]

“Do not worry. Dear Petra, remember some have a [though][tough] time growing up. She’ll turn just fine[.]” [Correct spelling and put terminating period at the end of the sentence.]

“I don’t want her to be marked[.]”
“She wont[.]”
[You have a habit of omitting terminating period at the end of a sentence as these sentences show.]

She is [trowing][throwing] little rocks at a little boy’s head.[Correct your spelling.]

Every now and then the boy turns around and [trows][throws] rocks back at the forest.[Correct your spelling.]

“Avani[,]” Caelum says with a deep voice.[Insert comma.]

I start to throw rocks to bother them and make them go away but one of [theme trows][them throws] back at me! [Fix misspellings]

“Yes, father[,]” she looks down.[Insert comma]

“You had your mother worried[.]” [Put terminating period at the end of the sentence.]

“I’m sorry mother[,]” Petra frowns and looks at Caelum.[Insert comma]

“Clim. We are going home[.]” Avani looks up and smiles at him as he positions her on his shoulders.[Terminating period]

“You would do the gardening all week for three weeks[,]” Petra says angrily[.] [Apply punctuation marks where I inserted them.]

“Yes, mother[,]” Avani says but is distracted by some of the butterflies that are passing by. Petra gets close to Caelum’s ear[.]

“Something is not normal about her[,]” [she] whispers.[Change to lower case to complete the sentence.]

*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. What is missing in this area is the application of correct punctuation marks. I suggests you take a refresher course in Writing 101 and pay close attention to writing mechanics.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
Good to see you're trying your hand in writing. Keep writing. In addition, read other written exercises to enhance your own potential and hone your skills.


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185
185
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi,The Writer:
Power signature for March raid
March Raid has led QueenOwl's wings to your port. So here she lands to pore over your literary piece.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
You've demonstrated a good command of the written word. You express yourself well.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax, and *Punctuation Marks are concerned, I've only gotten to the third paragraph and I notice minor violations here and there. Here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity and readability:

...determination and creativity [in order] to succeed.[Delete wordiness]

Nevertheless, as time passed[,] the art of writing became an integral part of our daily life as it coincided with the progress of literacy.[Insert comma]

Those who can write well[, more] often than not,] get the advantage [Insert commas and missing adjective]

Modesty aside, my colleagues and officers appreciate the quality of my paper work[;] hence[,] I've earned the reputation as the guy in our organization who can write well. [Insert punctuation marks as indicated]

In the process[,] I've done a lot of reading and practice writing.[Insert comma]

The first sentence of your second paragraph contains a direct quote. You can use either open and close quotation marks or italics but not both.

...I must admit that [what] it's not an easy path.[Delete]

...I would be[a] hypocrite if I say that I don't crave for recognition and payment.[Insert]

Every writer[,] whether they're humble or noble at one point in their life[,] has desired to be recognized and appreciated by their readers.[Insert commas.]

*Dialogue
Not applicable in this exercise, inasmuch as, this is an essay.

*Disclaimer
I am going to stop proofreading and editing after the third paragraph. Suffice it to say that you need to take a second look at punctuation marks (from beginning to end of this exercise) as I pointed out in the snippets I cut and pasted.

I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
You're doing a great job in your love for writing. Accept reading and writing critiques' suggestions and recommendations. We are here to help each other hone our skills. Hopefully, our work can get the attention of an agent, an editor, or a publisher.


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186
186
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Chris:

March Raid has led QueenOwl's wings to your port. So here she lands to pore over your literary piece.
Power signature for March raid
Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
I like your enlightening and edifying messages, Chris. They keep us humble and on our toes constantly.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax, and *Punctuation Marks are concerned, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity and readability:

James discusses how faith works when he says[,] "My friends what good is it for one of you to say that you have faith if your actions do not prove it? Can that faith save you?Suppose there are brothers or sisters who need clothes and don't have enough to eat. What good is there in saying to them, "God bless you! Keep warm and eat well!"
[Separate the narrative from the direct quotation with a comma.]

if you don't give them the necessities of life[>][Minor typo: replace with period.]

Often[,]when we are praying for things[,] we miss out on getting them because we expect God to simply dump them in our laps[,][.] Jesus [aid][said,] "I assure you that if you have faith as big as a mustard seed you could say to this hill[,] "Go from here to there!" and it will go. You could do anything[,][.]" [Replace comma with period and correct the typo]

[he] climbed up in the tree and prayed that [god] would save him. [Typo: He God]

In a while [some body] came by in a row boat and asked him to get in.[Typo: somebody is one word in the context of this sentence.]

Next[,] a bass boat came by and he again refused to go with them.[Insert comma]

At last[,] a helicopter came by and dropped a rescue harness. [Insert comma.]

Again[,] he refused[,] saying[,] God would save him. [Insert commas. Reading this sentence aloud can demonstrate why commas as necessary.]

He asked God why God had not saved him and God said[,] "I sent a row boat, a bass boat, and a helicopter. [Insert comma to separate the narrative from the direct quotation.]

Folks[,] God is willing to help those who are willing to help themselves. [Insert comma.]

[By the way: I was taught to always capitalize the "g" in God when referring to our one and only true God. Just thought I'll throw that in because you missed that one in the fourth paragraph, third sentence.

*Dialogue
Good employment of direct quotations from the Scriptures to show Jesus interacting with his disciples in this sermon.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
I like the way you presented the subject of faith and works: how they are related to each other. The basic principle we learned from the gospel is this: God helps those who help themselves. It is true for all ages.

Thanks for sharing, Chris. God bless your ministry here with WdC.

Write away!


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Review of Doubt  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Chris:

March Raid has led QueenOwl's wings to your port. So here she lands to pore over your literary piece.
Power signature for March raid
Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
This is a great exposition in your admission to having self-doubt, which nobody can deny besets us in our daily walk and interaction with the world outside. Indeed, we find comfort and consolation in knowing that nobody is exempt nor immune from these fears of failing and not measuring up to our full potential.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax, and *Punctuation Marks are concerned, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity and readability:

William Shakespeare said[,] “Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt.” [Insert comma]

I have come to realize[,] however[,] that for me[,] personally[,] there is a cure for my doubt. [Insert comma.]

The God I serve does not go around twisting anybody’s arm saying[,] “Believe in me or I will do this, this, or that.”[Insert comma to separate the narrative from the direct quotation.]

Their need would[be] nearly palpable but I would keep my mouth shut for fear they would see right through me and know that I was just as guilty of wrong doing as they were.[Insert]

When I do[,] I merely ask my Father to forgive me, try not to make the same mistakes, and move forward.[Insert comma]

When I do have doubts[,] the Spirit of God urges me to go ahead and proclaim the gospel and to allow Him to worry about whether or not I stumble and look foolish.[Insert comma]

If I allow the world’s mistaken beliefs[to] stop me from proclaiming the gospel[,] I allow Satan to win. [Insert preposition and comma]

*Dialogue
No necessary in this exercise.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
We all have the tendency to doubt just as doubting Thomas did; but, God's word will strengthen our faith as we read and pray everyday.

Thanks for sharing, Chris. God bless you and your Christian writing ministry here at WdC, as well as, your ministry in your local church.

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Review of Why Gamble?  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Chris:

Power signature for March raid
March Raid has led QueenOwl's wings to your port. So here she lands to pore over your literary piece.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting
Setting no paragraphing and transitions from one idea to the next is taxing to the reader and a turn off. For purposes of our submissions, we don't have to follow standard rules in formatting in to to, as we're not into publishing yet; but, for purposes of clarity and readability, here are a few rules we need to apply in our writing to enhance enjoyment for our readers:
*Make short paragraphs with one idea per paragraph
*No extra space between paragraphs
*Only one space between sentences
*If you choose to add a line between paragraphs to indicate a change in location or passage of time, center a typographical dingbat (like ***) on the line.(Some published writers suggests double spacing between paragraphs.)

*Content
I like your conversation with George and your explanation of the reality of what hell is. When you offered him an alternative to hell, he declined. The only explanation for his refusal, albeit left unsaid in this conversation, is pride and self-centeredness inherent to human nature. The risk he is taking is imputed to himself nobody else. You have done your part and the rest is up to God to touch his heart. At least, you have planted the seed and that's all that's required of you as the servant of the most high God.

I am in awe at this unexplainable paradox: One burns alone forever and worms crawl over and through one's burning flesh. How can one burn and remain alive?

It's going to remain a mystery until we get there and see with our eyes, right? Because now we see through a glass darkly; now we know in part and we prophesy in part, but then, face to face: we will know as also we are known. That's as close as I can get to paraphrasing 1Cor 13:9-12.

*Dialogue
Not necessary in this essay.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
I am pleased to see that you are faithful in your calling as a minister in person, as well as, in this writing venue.

Thank you for sharing your nuggets of wisdom taken from the Scriptures.
Keep up the good work, Chris. You're it!



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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Chris:
Power signature for March raid
It's March Raid, so, here I am raiding your port!

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
Thank you for expounding on the value of thankfulness for everything and anything we receive and blessed with everyday. So many a time, we take things for granted and go on with our lives freely and nonchalantly, forgetting to acknowledge heavenly gifts and graces we do not deserve to have.

Here's the lyrics of a song that keeps ringing in my ears regarding thankfulness:
"There is so much for which to be thankful;
There are gifts of abundance each day;
So we thank Thee, dear Lord, for Thy mercy;
There is so much, along life's way!"

As far as *Mechanics, *Syntax, and *Punctuation Marks are concerned, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity and readability:

Now[,] leprosy may not seem like that big of a deal to us who live in an age where leprosy is curable, but 2,000 years ago[,] leprosy was serious.[Insert comma]

Sure[,] God could have cured the lepers[,] but God chose not to do so.[Insert comma]

Instead[,] He ordered [the][them] isolated. [Insert comma and replace the with them.]

One day[,] Jesus encountered ten lepers.[Insert comma]

However[,] the foreigner among the ten recognized Jesus for who He truly was.[Insert comma]

What remains[,] though[,] is that of the ten men cured, only one recognized Jesus as the Messiah and Son of God. [Insert comma]

*Dialogue
No necessary in this exercise.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
Thank you for being the voice in this forum to remind us to express our gratitude for the gifts we receive everyday. It's spreading precious seeds in our early morning walk as we wake everybody up to another wonderful day ahead!

Keep your inspirational sermonettes coming, Chris.


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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, MichaelMountrain:

I believe we have bumped into each other before. So, hello again!This is my way of re-introducing myself to you, fellow writer. I swing by ports, looking for something to keep me occupied on a quiet Thursday night. Fortunately for you, I found this from the Read and Review page and I decided to take a peek.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
In a nutshell, here is my answer your question, "Do we not choose to live in interesting times? Why or why not?" Today, we have apathy. Because we are comfortable and we do not want to leave our comfort zones, we close our eyes to what's happening in Washington, DC. Our non-participation and non-commitment to get involved is working towards our own demise as a country. It is sad to know our values have been trampled on by our own home-grown citizens as they are working to overthrow our system of government. Now that we're in to it deep, only a miracle from heaven can stop this run-away train-wreck.

As far as *Mechanics, *Syntax, *Punctuation Marks are concerned, here's a snippet I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity and readability consistent with the standard American English usage:

Some of the units would have as many as [43][forty-three] bands embedded within them.[Replace]

[Presentation of numbers: Because I'm a nitpicker, I just thought of sharing what the authors of Writers Digest Grammar Desk Reference has to say about the presentation of numbers.

Two easy-to-use methods for the presentation of numbers:
1) When numbers are used infrequently: if a number can be spelled out in two words or fewer, spell it out. All whole numbers between zero and one hundred will therefore be presented as words.
2) When numbers are used frequently such as useful business-related, technical and scientific documents: numerals are more reader-friendly than spelled out numbers, so the only numbers that are presented in words should be the whole numbers zero through nine; numerals should be used for all other whole numbers.
3) Ages (of persons) Except in journalistic, business and technical contexts, spell out ages: forty-eight years old, a twenty-three-year-old, aged ninety-seven.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
We need an awakening. Glad you're initiating it with this challenge.

Write as only you can!

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191
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, WakeUpAndLive:

This is my way of introducing myself to you, fellow writer. I swing by ports, looking for something to keep me occupied on a quiet Wednesday morning. Fortunately for you, I find the title of this submission intriguing. So, let me stop in, take a read and offer you a review.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
What a horrific way to lose ones' life. I hope no one will ever go through the ordeal he went through all for the sake of a thousand lousy dollars!

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax, and *Punctuation Marks are concerned, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity and readability pursuant to standard American usage:

“This is a scientific experiment”, he explained.
[Punctuation Marks and Closing Quotation Marks: According to The Writer's Digest Grammar Desk Reference, typographical convention in the U.S. requires that periods and commas always be inserted before the closing quotation marks - regardless of whether a direct quotation consists of an entire sentence, a phrase, or a single word. Understandably, this convention is widely violated. I'm pointing this out for what its' worth.]

I do notice that some of your quotations are punctuated correctly. What you need to do is to be consistent. Pay close attention to the squiggles when working on quotations.

*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author and moves the story.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
I see good presentation, description and organization. Keep writing. You have what it takes to deliver your written product.


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192
192
Review of Rugged  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
H, Laurie:

** Image ID #2160270 Unavailable **
This is my way of introducing myself to you, fellow writer. I swing by ports, looking for something to keep me occupied on a quiet Sunday night. Fortunately for you, I find the title of this submission intriguing. So, let me stop in, take a read and offer you a review.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
This is a clever way of giving life and character to a piece of rug. I like the way you started and built his/her character one thread at a time. I can empathize with the rug's disappointment, grief, and heartache over the loss of someone whom he/she adored.

If there's anything I can add, suggest, or modify in this story-telling, it's only this: giving the rug a name to make (him/her) more human and identify (him/her) so the reviewer can address (him/her) by the name. I'm thinking, would "Designee" or Desiree" fit?

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax, and *Punctuation Marks are concerned, I see you're polished in this area. This exercise is flawless. You have a good command of the English written word.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
The unexpected twist in the story is when the unraveled rug turned into a serpent. This is far out. As a writer, I don't know how to get from here to there in this turn of event so that it's reasonable and believable to the reader.

At any rate, the rug turned serpent arrived at his/her destination and succeeded in clinging to body inside and out. Sweet revenge! What horrific image to see.

I must say you have fertile creativity that can take you places in the writing world! Keep writing, Laurie.

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193
193
Review of The Hunter  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, W.D. Wilcox:

Just taking a peek at Read and Review and this flash fiction greeted me. With that smile, I'll stop and read as my curiosity is getting the best of me.

*Content
Great hook in introducing Cletus with his unusual and distinctly weird appearance. He stands out among the crowd - any crowd.

*Mechanics
*Syntax
*Punctuation

You have a good command of the written word. This exercise is flawless. Your punctuation marks, especially in dialogue tags, couldn't be better. I enjoy reading exercises where I don't have to pause or wrinkle my nose because of punctuation violations. Yes, I'm a stickler for those nitty-gritty nuances.

If anything, all I can say is: I see more telling than showing in the first two paragraphs; although, you caught on and redeemed the telling part with dialogue. And it took off from there.

*Dialogue
Great employment of dialogue showing your narrator interacting with Cletus. It brought out action and made these characters alive and relate-able to the reader.

*Over-all take away
I enjoyed hearing the bantering back and forth.I wondered about the narrator's motivation in deciding to go hunting with Cletus. And the last scene is a cliffhanger for me. Who did he shot? The big old buck or Cletus?


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194
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi,J.A.Buxton:
** Image ID #2153918 Unavailable **

It's February Raid with WdC Superpower Reviewer's Group. I broke away from the theme of our February Raid because my curiosity got the best of me when I saw this piece. Besides, this was a piece I wanted to include in my review last December but ran out of time. So, here I go.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
Great entertaining story for the young at heart, as well as adults, who are young at heart.

As far as*Mechanics,*Syntax, and *Punctuation Marks are concerned, I saw nothing that gave me a pause or made my brows raise. This is well done. I can even say "Flawless" although some sharp-eyed reviewers may disagree with me.

*Dialogue
There was enough dialogue employed showing your characters interact with each other, which made the story move, sizzle and dazzle.

*Disclaimer
Keep in mind this is from one reader's point of view. As such, take note of what other reviewers point out that may help you. Anything for improvement is our goal.

*Over-all take away
It's a delightfully entertaining story for all ages. I'll heed your call to read more of your work as shown at the end of this story.


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Review of My Mississippi  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Mrs. Whatsit:

** Image ID #2153918 Unavailable **

It's February Raid with WdC Superpower Reviewer's Group. I broke away from the theme of our February Raid because my curiosity got the best of me when I saw this piece.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
Wow! What a blog loaded with historical data. So informative, educational, as well as, entertaining. I learned a lot from reading this introduction about Mississippi, her folks and their provincialism.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax, Punctuation Marks, and Spelling are concerned, I saw nothing that caused my eyebrows to raise. This report is well-done.

Having said that, I do have to point out one word that is often misspelled for one reason or another. Here is one snippet I cut and pasted that need fixing: I don't know if it's a typo but it glares at me.

the capitol city.[capital] [Capitol is the government building in the capital city while the Capital is the city.]


*Dialogue
I like the tone and voice of the writer. It's just as good as employing dialogue.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
Go for it with your Blogville News. You got the knack. I would love to read more of these. Thanks for sharing.


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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, The Writer:
** Image ID #2160270 Unavailable **
January Raid has led QueenOwl's wings to your port. So here she lands to pore over your literary piece.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
Is the love for writing a blessing or a curse, you ask. From my own perspective, the ability to sit down and pen my ideas on paper is my therapy. Writing gives me healing. It's a catharsis that frees my deep-seated feelings and emotions which had been hiding behind a facade. I can be honest with myself, hiding nothing, revealing myself in nakedness without fear of embarrassment or ridicule.

The talent of writing is a gift that keeps on giving. Blessed are you if you find that you are gifted in word-crafting to communicate with yourself and convey to the world a life-changing goal or idea, which couldn't be otherwise accomplished.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation Marks are concerned, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity and readability:
If you really want to write, you must write from your heart[,][.] I can't remember who said this but I've heard this advice before.[Replace comma with period.]
Whatever you're writing[,] the message should come from the bottom of your heart.[Insert comma for clarity and readability.]
Because the passion is in my heart[;][,] my heart tells me that I must write.[Replace semi-colon with comma.]
That, I must write about my passion for writing.[Delete the introductory, "That." According to a renowned, best seller author, Jerry Jenkins, minimize the use of "that" as much as possible. It's a throw-away word. It's unnecessary.]

Paragraphing
Shorten your paragraphs to three to five sentences, putting one idea per paragraph. Long paragraphs make for difficult reading, which discourages the reader from turning the page.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
Whatever your motivation is in pursuing your writing endeavor, go for it. Don't allow negative thoughts to block you from doing what your heart dictates. After all is said and done, you will look back at the footprints of your writing journey. I hope you can say, "I did it my way and I'm the better for it!"

Write away, Writer.



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Review of TeaLover  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (1.0)
Hi, Detective Dream:

** Image ID #2160270 Unavailable **
January Raid has led QueenOwl's wings to your port. So here she lands to pore over your literary piece.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
There could be a potential story to unfold from this initial attempt at writing. But let me be honest and straightforward with you, DetectiveDream.

In the areas of *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation Marks, Spelling and other nitty-gritty rules, you need to be aware of the basic rules if you are serious about launching a writing endeavor.

First and foremost, your first paragraph is an eye-opener. It is missing periods and commas and other punctuation marks essential to effective writing. As I continued to read the full manuscript, I couldn't help noticing how flagrant mechanics have been violated.

Second, using ellipsis without knowing the reason or purpose for its use renders your work unacceptable for serious consideration. To help you out in this area, let me share with you what I know to improve your manuscript. Here are snippets I cut and pasted from your work to illustrate what I am referring to:

"thanks for your advice ...when the night came"
"please ... when he said please"
"okay chill lady ...I went to the kitchen"
"I going crazy ............"
"I was a liar ,....anyway"
"I was living in your house .....I asked him :how??"
"he said because of the tea .....are you kidding me here time a tea how??"
"year ago ......okay and I had that tea last week so are you saying that ..."
"....w..h..a.t are you saying ?//"
"if that s what you want......okay listen I am gonna give you a chance"
"did time run out of time......I begin to feel sore"
"I loved it ...so the agency"
"what are you ...how??"

Uses of Ellipsis
Ellipses, also known as ellipsis points and suspension points, are punctuational device composed of a trio of spaced periods. (Always make sure that all three periods fit on a single line of text.) Ellipses have two important functions.

First, they are used in dialogue to indicate that a speaker has not brought an utterance to completion or to indicate that there are awkward pauses in the utterance.

The second use of the ellipses is to indicate that one or more words have been omitted from a direct quotation because the quoter considers them irrelevant to his or her purpose. If you delete one or more words from the beginning of a quotation, you do not need to use ellipses – unless the document you are writing is unusually formal, in which case the blank space will separate the opening quotation mark from the first ellipsis period, but one blank space will follow the final ellipsis period. If you delete one or more words from the end of a quotation positioned at the end of the hosting sentence, however, you need to use both a period and ellipses if the quoted matter has the status of a grammatically complete sentence. No blank space will precede the period.

If you are deleting one or more words from the end of a quotation that has the status of a grammatically complete sentence and that ends with a question mark or an exclamation point, position the terminal punctuation mark after the ellipses.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
These are the recommendations I can offer you this time. As I pointed at the outset, punctuating your manuscript properly for readability and clarity is paramount. This can be fixed and resolved as you keep on writing, as well as, reading works of authors who have proven themselves in their writing craftsmanship.

Here's your marching order: Don't get discouraged. As they say, now that your feet are wet, stay in the water and swim. You'll be proud of yourself when you reach the other side of the pool.


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Review of Phantom Falls  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, J. Pickett:

** Image ID #2160270 Unavailable **
January Raid has led QueenOwl's wings to your port. So here she lands to pore over your literary piece.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
The adventures these four friends shared could be brought to life by employing dialogue. Dialogue overshadows straight narrative at all angles. It's the difference between "Show and Tell" that polished authors and writers recommend beginning writers learn fast and employ in their writings.

Moreover, in order to capture the reader's interest, start with a hook when your story opens. According to Ben Bova in his article, "Twelve Things I Wish I Had Known When I Started Writing, he says, the 6th would be, "Start in the middle" because in a short story, there simply isn't any time for static explanations. All the background details have got to be worked in while your characters are in action. Show what they are doing, don't tell what they did."

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation Marks, Spelling and other nitty-gritty rules are concerned, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need minor fixes for clarity and readability:

The following are misspellings/typos/or nuance between the American Standard English and British English worth noticing -
licence [license]
favourite [favorite]
forrest [forest]

Also, I believe the first letter in proper name with two words should both be in upper case as illustrated below:
Erskine falls [Erskine Falls]
Phantom falls [Phantom Falls]

The trips became an escape away from their daily lives and [bought][brought] them to see the world around them in a different way.[Replace]

Whatever they were going through at home, work or [uni][university?] was all forgotten about when they ventured out into the [forrest][forest]. [Spell out the whole word when the abbreviation is not widely recognized: uni could be anything such as unit, universal, unity, university, etc.]

Jessie got the car started and whilst traveling along the windy, bendy roads[,] the four looked out the window to see the coast filled with beaches. [Insert comma for clarity and readability.]

Before they knew it[,] all of them were singing at the top of their lungs and could feel the wind in their hair and the taste of the ocean in their mouths.[Insert comma for clarity and readability.]

*Dialogue
Like I suggested above, try to employ dialogue to show your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author. The reader becomes a part of the story, compelling him/her to turn from page to page until the final word is written.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
This is a good starting point as you launch your writing endeavor. Keep writing (and reading). The more you write, the better you will be as a writer.


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Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi, Winterskyfox:

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January Raid has led QueenOwl's wings to your port. So here she lands to pore over your literary piece.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
I have read this narrative twice. This unusual family depicted as domesticated animals living and interacting as humans is difficult for me to comprehend. I guess I prefer to read conventional stories where I don't have to suspend my unbelief. For this reason, I will skip making comments about the characters in the story and deal only with the mechanics of wordsmithing.

Thus, as far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation Marks and the whole ball of wax is concerned, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity and readability:

As the year was coming to an end[,] Winter didn’t know what he would do. What plans he should make or what New [Year's] resolution should be. He hadn’t [given] it much thought but when he woke up to his alarm[,] those thoughts dawned on him.

“Winter[,] why are you in such a hurry?” [his] mother asked[,] watching him practically fall on his face.

Attribution: Dialogue tags are part of the sentence. Use a comma instead of a period to complete the sentence.

[Throughout][One word] the day[,]he still wondered what he would do for New [Year's], it was only [16][sixteen] hours away what would he do? [Replace numeric with word]

Winter pulled into work and checked his phone seeing a message from someone special to him a fox husky mix named Mac. [Run on sentence. Break this into two sentences.

“Maybe I can?”[he]thought.[Dialogue tags are part of the sentence.]

Winter ran into the store[.] “Good morning Winter[,]” [the] receptionist said smiling at him.

He punched one that would get them there with [2][two] hours left to the year. The silver fox drove home and ran inside. [Replace numeric with word. Here's the rule to observe in the presentation of numbers:

Just thought of sharing what the authors of Writers Digest Grammar Desk Reference has to say about the presentation of numbers.

Two easy-to-use methods for the presentation of numbers:

1) When numbers are used infrequently: if a number can be spelled out in two words or fewer, spell it out. All whole numbers between zero and one hundred will therefore be presented as words.
2) When numbers are used frequently such as useful business-related, technical and scientific documents: numerals are more reader-friendly than spelled out numbers, so the only numbers that are presented in words should be the whole numbers zero through nine; numerals should be used for all other whole numbers.
3) Ages (of persons) Except in journalistic, business and technical contexts, spell out ages: forty-eight years old, a twenty-three-year-old, aged ninety-seven.

Winter broke the kiss saying, “happy New [your][year?] sweetheart.”
[Was this intentional or a typo?]

Winter got [existed][excited?] and spit out the sentence,[Typo?]

*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author. The only skirmish I see is how dialogue tags are used. Like I mentioned earlier, dialogue tags are part of the sentence. Use comma instead of period to finish the sentence and use lower case following the comma [or question mark].

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
I like the happy ending as it ushered in the New Year.
Write away, Winterskyfox.
.


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January Raid has led QueenOwl's wings to your port. So here she lands to pore over your literary piece.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
The Importance of Education in Animal Farm [The first letter of the title of your essay should be in upper case except for the connecting words.]

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation Marks, and Spelling are concerned,
here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need fixing and tweaking for clarity and readability:

foreign student needs helh [help] [First letter of title should be in Upper Case: Foreign Student Needs Help.]

"In his book,[Give title of book] G. Orwell depicts an allegory about misleading educational system by illustrating life of farm animals." [Provide the title of the book G. Orwell wrote you're referring to.]

and here is what i came up with. If anyone has any corrections or ideas i would be more than happy to hear them. [The pronoun "I" should be in upper case always. No exception to this standard rule.]

The ungenuine information inforced by educatet dictatorial pigs leads to complete chaos.[It helps to use Spellcheck to verify your spelling before submitting your work. It's a good practice.]

The rise of the animal government can[,] at first glance[,] be prejudgementally seen as a positive change.[Insert commas where a parenthetical phrase is getting in the way of the context of your sentence.]

Furthermore, he burns books, [wich][which] prevents animals [to ][from] becoming literate. [Replace to with from]

completly [completely]

inforced enforced

*Dialogue
No applicable in this type of genre. although, it can be incorporated when the need calls for it.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
This essay needs more substance to it. Give specifics and details of your point of view based on your thorough research. Take pride in your work. Proofread and check spelling one last time before posting or submitting.

Spend time reading whatever reading material you can get a hold of. Pay close attention to the mechanics, style and voice of the narrator, author, essayist, writer - whoever.

Also, read aloud what you have written. Finally, keep writing. It's hard work but dividends pay off at the end of the day.


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