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574 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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251
251
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
When I read this, I ask myself, is the author speculating, or is this information from someone who knows? Of course, there is no way for me to know this. As a reader who has some knowledge of this phenomenon, I hear it as an objective, cognitive sort of description that can inform a poorly informed reader. It does this very well. It communicates the confusion. It also sounds like someone well into a healing process might write as opposed to someone who has not started the healing process. In fact, it seems like wrting it could have been an act of healing. It could also promote healing in someone who is working on the same issue.

I see no problem with the writing and have not suggestion for improving it. The content is very challenging and probably over the head of the average reader. Yet, for those who can benifit, this is an excellent poem. Are you aware there are publications for people who have these symptoms? I hope you can share it there, as I feel it has real value.

Thank you for sharing.
Louise
252
252
Review of Broken  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Title: appropriate to content

Description is both clear and moving. I think most of us can identify with the subject of the poem. I especially like the last two lines.

suggestions: stanza 1 line 4 - I think the meter and rhythm asks for "she has" rather than "she's." I wonder how this would be written in the first person.

This is well written, focused and interesting.
Thank you for sharing it.

Louise
253
253
Review of Porcelain - Poem  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
When I reviewed this before, I failed to tell you what I like so much about this poem.
The intensity of language matches the topic. You use symbols very well - the rocking chair in pieces, the Jay's song, the rusty scissors - it is vivid.

The title is very good, also - makes me think of porcelain dolls, of porcelain complexions, of Iron covered for beauty - I just love this poem and hope you will look for a publisher. It will have meaning to many, many women.

Louise
254
254
Review of Lonely Soldier  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Very moving! Ballad form is perfect for the content. There are a few problems with rhyme and rhythm which you obviously can fix and it is definitely worth the extra work.

Stanza 3 line 1: I would give my left What?
line 4: rhythm breaks - Is there a way to use "morning" and "night?"

Stanza 4 line 4: consider dropping the word "my" to improve rhythm.

Stanza 5 line 2: rhythm break is distracting

Stanza 7 line 2: seems to me this should be "I miss" - in the present rather than future

Keep writing!
Louise
255
255
Rated: E | (4.0)
I don't want to rate this. It seems unfinished. It is very promising.
I will start with problems and end with strengths.

Line three - i tripped over the word out. Do you really need it?

Line 5: This does not work at all for me. it breaks rhythm. It has no object - leads whom?

line 6 - very good image, but again breaks rhythm. Remember, we often overuse "the."

The last 4 lines - re evaluate the effect of the word "the" on the rhythm., Read it aloud, or have someone read it to you so you don't adjust to what you have written, but instead make it adjust to the rest of the poem.

The images are strong. I like "where mother earth gave birth to green and blue" especially. This is spiritual. I sounds like being grounded. When I read this poem, it gives me a sense that life hangs together for you and I can have that too.

Thank you for sharing.
Louise
256
256
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
terrific vocabulary, rhyme

First stanza first line: Touring might sound better as toured
257
257
Review of Porcelain - Poem  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
This is outstanding!
There are a few typos: water,
or
women,
gripping
blood
and water

I find "And bare hands
clutching blankets their mothers gave,
" confusing. Is this referring to a mother's attitude? Where do the women's mothers fit into this?

The second stanza is what drew me in - it is POWERFUL.

Stanza three: "the" before rusted scissors is optional.

Stanza 6, last two lines: "But the bluejay is always silent
though he pecks the walls,
And he pecks the door, pecking
pecking
pecking, all the while." I think "pecking" is less powerful than "pecks, pecks, pecks," would be. I think you could eliminate "always" entirely.

There is something that makes me stumble on the first two lines of stanza 8.. I think the "as if" in the second line does it. I feel it shifting my attention when I want to stay focused.

I hope these comments are helpful. I think this is a wonderful poem. Thank you so much!
Louise
258
258
Rated: 13+ | (2.0)
I think this is meant to be satire, I have an automatic revulsion to the stereotypes. This is so strong in me that I cannot enjoy the piece, though it is very well written.
Louise Wiggins
259
259
Review of Puppets  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Great idea, having strings, not wanting them, then feeling a need for them.
The first two lines and the second and third stanzas are quite strong.

You start stanza 4 well. The third and forth lines tell rather than show and sound a but preachy. Setting the last line apart for emphasis works, but will work better if you improve stanza 4.

Keep writing!
Louise
260
260
Rated: E | (4.0)
Great tale! I have problems with the rhythm. You clearly have put a lot of thought into this so, perhaps a bit more will make it better.

Line two: How about a single syllable instead of everything" I think the number of accents in the line is not as important here as the meter, if you have to choose,.
Line 3: "strange" rhymes with "changed" and might make more sense.
Line 5: you could add two syllables by saying what kind of tree, and enrich the immage.
Line 6: when he asked her why, she replied "to see if it would die."
Line 7: use quotes. How about nobody instead of no one

I hope this gives enough example to get you started. I really like this story and think kids would too. Please put in the extra effort. I would love to see it when it is done.
Louise.
261
261
Review of Just as I am  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Sticking to a form is a challenge, but you have done it well. There is a typo in line 4.

"for brilliant beacons to light her way" breaks rhythm. I assume you noticed this and worked to correct it. I cannot say I can improve upon that. I would suggest, however, that you move away from those words and find four syllables that bring needed light. "stars and planets" fits, but may have the wrong tone. How about if you think about enough light instead of a lot of light? Or, the most effective light...

This is a lovely poem. I like "acceptance begged is hers to take" especially.

I happen to think a lot about self love and have for a long time. For myself, I have decided I need to think of it as knowing I am truly good and valuable. Ending as you do seems a bit trite, using those words. I wonder if you could change that to something a bit more novel.

This is such an excellent poem, it is worth the extra thought. Thank you for sharing it.
Louise
262
262
Review of Uncle  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Powerful, clear. I have no suggestions.
263
263
Review of Mothers Like Me  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Interesting!

Some of your longer sentences might work better broken into 2.

I like the perspective, and I like the last stanza. It conveys the strength of the child, respect for him.

Thank you for this. It has real merit.
264
264
Review of Simple Pleasures  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is quite pleasant light verse.

We're refusing to rush--- I think it might be stronger to say "we refuse to rush"

Not a care in the world --- This is a bit trite - how about "not a care or concern"
In my mind or theirs ---
Just fixed in the moment
Mother Nature has shared. Rhythm is a bit off - only noticeable because the rest is so consistent. Would dropping "has" work?

Yes, very pleasant indeed.
265
265
Rated: E | (3.5)
too many words
266
266
Review of First drum set  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I love the rhythm of this
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