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574 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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151
151
Review of The Cycle  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I am reviewing as part of the Simply Positive Review team. I offer my opinion based on my limited experience. It is only one in a world of opinions and yours to use or ignore.

*RainbowL* Overall Impression:*RainbowR*

This is concise, interesting and full of both information and emotion.

*Vine1* What I like:*Vine2*

I like that it reaches out. I can see it as a letter to the editor.

I like this sentence: "They cycle of abuse flows everywhere, a sickening miasma of sexual, emotional, psychological, and physical abuse."


*Vignette2* Problems and suggestions:*Vignette2*

In the first paragraph, you use whom where who is correct: "I know people whom continue the cycle of abuse without really realizing it." To check this when you are writing, you would put the verb and the pronoun together: "whom realize."

In paragraph 12, if I counted right, you repeat "being eaten alive" twice. Although repetition is good for learning, the writing would be improved by saying it another way in your repetition.

*BalloonR* Comments:*BalloonR*

Very well done! I hope your quest to find the answers is fruitful, and soon.

*Earth* Thank you for sharing.

*Quill* Keep writing!

*ButterflyG* Elizabeth
152
152
Review of The Boy  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am reviewing as part of the Simply Positive Review team. I offer my opinion based on my limited experience. It is only one in a world of opinions and yours to use or ignore.

*RainbowL* Overall Impression:*RainbowR*

Simply and rhythmically stated, this sounds as if it came from the boy inside the man.

*Vine1* What I like:*Vine2*

I like the child reminiscent quality of the writing, and the simplicity of the statement.

*Vignette2* Problems and suggestions:*Vignette2*

The first line of the last stanza has only three syllables. When you put a three syllable line first of stanza two, and a 6 syllable line at the top, they both work. So, I doubt it is the three syllables causing the problem. There simply is a sound problem with that line. I am not sure what would fix it. I just know that in such a small poem, that kind of small problem becomes very noticeable.

*BalloonR* Comments:*BalloonR*

A sincere and pleasant small poem.

*Earth* Thank you for sharing.

*Quill* Keep writing!

*ButterflyG* Elizabeth
153
153
Review of Perhaps Myself  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am reviewing as part of the Simply Positive Review team. I offer my opinion based on my limited experience. It is only one in a world of opinions and yours to use or ignore.

*RainbowL* Overall Impression:*RainbowR*

Ahh. The this-and-its-opposite-are-both-true of life.

*Vine1* What I like:*Vine2*

The ying and yang of it.


*Vignette2* Problems and suggestions:*Vignette2*

"Though so often wrong.
Standing alone;
One among the throng.

The man's in love;
Yet his heart’s broken."

I think, there is one or more extra words in each of these lines that breaks rhythm and does not increase understanding.

1 = so
2 = none
3 = one
4 = the consider A man in love
5 = yet consider His heart broken

*BalloonR* Comments:*BalloonR*

Very nicely done. I hope the critique proves useful.

*Earth* Thank you for sharing.

*Quill* Keep writing!

*ButterflyG* Elizabeth
154
154
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am reviewing as part of the Simply Positive Review team. I offer my opinion based on my limited experience. It is only one in a world of opinions and yours to use or ignore.

*RainbowL* Overall Impression:*RainbowR*

The longing for home is so common these days with such a mobile society. I really identify with the speaker.

*Vine1* What I like:*Vine2*

The idea of being in the Berkshires for the Fall, the identification with the mountains, the sense of home.


*Vignette2* Problems and suggestions:*Vignette2*

This is so lovely, I want more - examples of the beauty and personal meaning of the place. I know, I am a bit greedy.


*BalloonR* Comments:*BalloonR*

Lovely with great rhythm and rhyme.

*Earth* Thank you for sharing.

*Quill* Keep writing!

*ButterflyG* Elizabeth
155
155
Review of Peggy-Lee  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am reviewing as part of the Simply Positive Review team. I offer my opinion based on my limited experience. It is only one in a world of opinions and yours to use or ignore.

*RainbowL* Overall Impression:*RainbowR*

A well written ballad with a traditional theme.

*Vine1* What I like:*Vine2*

I like the flow of language, and the clear description of Peggy Lee, using clothing to convey mood.

*Vignette2* Problems and suggestions:*Vignette2*

Next to the last stanza, second line: both starts and ends with the word "from."

*BalloonR* Comments:*BalloonR*

All in all, an enjoyable read.

*Earth* Thank you for sharing.

*Quill* Keep writing!

*ButterflyG* Elizabeth
156
156
Review of Old Age  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am reviewing as part of the Simply Positive Review team. I offer my opinion based on my limited experience. It is only one in a world of opinions and yours to use or ignore.

*RainbowL* Overall Impression:*RainbowR*

I feel like I was sitting there next to you listening. So many mixed feelings are clearly stated without ever saying "I feel."

*Vine1* What I like:*Vine2*

I like the voice of the speaker. I can almost see the bright eyes of the young woman still looking at the world from that aging body. The rhythm and use of language paint a clear picture.

*Vignette2* Problems and suggestions:*Vignette2*

I offer these because this is an excellent poem with very minor issues that may all be in my imagination, but if they are not, could be easily corrected.

There are two typos where a space precedes a comma.

Line 1: "I sit here silently alone and think of times gone by" might fit rhythm better as: "silently alone I sit and think of times gone by"

Line 3: "No one will sit and listen, I ask them , take a seat"
This could be stated in a way that directly speaks to the reader and invites:
"Take some time to listen; come on now, take a seat"

Line 6: If you change line 3, then this line might need a revision to match, but also might be just fine as it is.

Line 11: try it without the "and" - see what you think about the rhythm.

Line 15: consider using "as" instead of "and"

Line 16: How would it be to say "I've tried to grow old gracefully etc." instead of the "you" statements. Again, this would have the speaker talking directly about herself to the reader. I realize this is based on an actual conversation and it might be important to you to say it the way your Mum said it. Perhaps you might consider putting her words in quotes.

Line 17: grass and stars don't rhyme: "wild flowers?"

Line 19: do you need "and?"

Last line: It seems there is an extra syllable that breaks rhythm.

As I said, each of these is a very minor issue and might be my reading rather than your writing. Perhaps I wouldn't think the same about it tomorrow. Perhaps I'm just wrong. Please, ignore what doesn't fit and understand, I really like this poem.

*BalloonR* Comments:*BalloonR*

It seems that you are giving a voice to a generation of speakers. I wonder if there is a way for you to share this with the people in your Mum's circle. If not, I hope, at least, you have or will share this with her. She will love that you listened to well. I love that you listened so well, and wrote it down so well.

*Earth* Thank you for sharing.

*Quill* Keep writing!

*ButterflyG* Elizabeth
157
157
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I am reviewing as part of the Simply Positive Review team. I offer my opinion based on my limited experience. It is only one in a world of opinions and yours to use or ignore.

*RainbowL* Overall Impression:*RainbowR*

This is very interesting and has multiple layers of meaning. True poetry!

*Vine1* What I like:*Vine2*

I like how each short phrase takes the reader down the elevator to a new level of intensity and meaning. The images speak to me. The poem is thought provoking for me.

*Vignette2* Problems and suggestions:*Vignette2*

I cannot see anything I would change. Three more readings - still can't see anything to change.

*BalloonR* Comments:*BalloonR*

Excellent writing!

*Earth* Thank you for sharing.

*Quill* Keep writing!

*ButterflyG* Elizabeth
158
158
Review of To Pauline  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am reviewing as part of the Simply Positive Review team. I offer my opinion based on my limited experience. It is only one in a world of opinions and yours to use or ignore.

*RainbowL* Overall Impression:*RainbowR*

If I had a husband that wrote that for me, I would be a very happy woman indeed!

*Vine1* What I like:*Vine2*

It is realistic, honest, and tender.

*Vignette2* Problems and suggestions:*Vignette2*

line 4: "And just in being you!" do you mean "...just for being you?"

*BalloonR* Comments:*BalloonR*

I hope your wife likes it even more than I do.


*Earth* Thank you for sharing.

*Quill* Keep writing!

*ButterflyG* Elizabeth
159
159
Review of Beggar's Sermon  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am reviewing as part of the Simply Positive Review team. I offer my opinion based on my limited experience. It is only one in a world of opinions and yours to use or ignore.

*RainbowL* Overall Impression:*RainbowR*

Very well said, compassionate, sharing of insight.

What I like: *Bird*

I like the story. I like the speaker and the old man. This is a spiritual poem, a sermon, that doesn't preach.

Problems and suggestions: *Vignette3*

It starts with strong rhythm in the first 4 lines that disappears and does not re-emerge. I like the rhythm.


Comments: *Vignette5*

A gift of a key to happiness is always welcome.

Keep writing!!!

Thank you for sharing.

Elizabeth
160
160
Review of Day Dawning  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am reviewing as part of the Simply Positive Review team. I offer my opinion based on my limited experience. It is only one in a world of opinions and yours to use or ignore.

Overall Impression:

This has a dreamy quality that matches the title.

What I like:

Images are lovely, like wakening and drifting in and out of sleep. The abcb rhyme scheme is consistent throughout.

Problems and suggestions:

I had trouble feeling a consistent rhythm. I don't know if it is the poem or the fact that I have been writing in iambic feet for two days. I am sure this is not iambic.

Comments:

When we can't stay in bed and just drift in and out of sleep, at least we can write about it. *Laugh*

Thank you for sharing this.
Keep writing!
Elizabeth
161
161
Review of Cinquain  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I am reviewing as part of the Simply Positive Review team. I offer my opinion based on my limited experience. It is only one in a world of opinions and yours to use or ignore.

Overall Impression:

This presents mixed feelings about having spider webs in the speaker's living space: awe, and annoyance (tangled vs. artistry vs. cobwebs.) It meets the criteria for Cinquain.

What I like:

I like the chosen topic, especially for this form. I like the picture that is formed.

Language used is rhythmic, descriptive and suits both the form and topic.


Problems and suggestions:

none identified


Comments:

Well done!
Thanks for sharing!

Elizabeth
162
162
Review of The Box of Toys  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am reviewing as part of the Simply Positive Review team. I offer my opinion based on my limited experience. It is only one in a world of opinions and yours to use or ignore.

Overall Impression:
Very nicely constructed poem with familiar images of children playing.

What I like:
I like that you included them getting along, and not getting along.



Problems and suggestions:
The rhythm is almost but not quite right. It looks as if you get the first three lines in a stanza more easily than the forth.


Comments:

This is a warm, domestic picture making for a very pleasant read.
163
163
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I am reviewing as part of the Simply Positive Review team. I offer my opinion based on my limited experience. It is only one in a world of opinions and yours to use or ignore.

Overall Impression:
This story really moves and has a lot of good description and action.

What I like:
I like the details about the day to day life of the police station. The predicament they are in at the end is really funny.


Problems and suggestions:
While a shallow relationship might be realistic, I wish there was more description of interactions between the protagonist and Hannah that helped build the intensity. Also, Hannah is just too perfect. Her behavior in the end does not match the image of perfection.


Comments:

I enjoyed reading this. I hope my comments will be useful in your revisions.

Elizabeth
164
164
Review of Untitled (Step)  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am reviewing as part of the Simply Positive Review team. I offer my opinion based on my limited experience. It is only one in a world of opinions and yours to use or ignore.

Overall Impression:
This is meditative and imaginative. It has a primary process feel to it that I hope you can maintain through revisions. The entire tone is consistent with the last line: "To dream is the first step."

What I like:
I like that going through the door includes present and past, and leaves future for another poem. I like your description of grass, and the girl's eyes, and the eyes of the speaker.

Problems and suggestions:
The last line of the grass stanza (II) doesn't seem consistent with the rest of the stanza.

Although I like the lines about the book in the breeze, I have trouble seeing how it connects with the rest of the stanza.

Line breaks don't feel like they enhance understanding, but instead, like bumps in the road.


Comments:
This is an excellent first draft. I look forward to seeinhe next stage in revision.

Thanks for sharing.
Elizbeth
165
165
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am reviewing as part of the Simply Positive Reviewing Group. Remember, please, that my feedback is just one opinion in a world of opinions and yours to consider or ignore at your pleasure.

This is both light and serious making for a pleasant read. I love the last two lines, which sum up the entire piece.

Only one line breaks rhythm, the second line of the second stanza.

I enjoyed this clever little ditty.

Thank you for sharing it.
Elizabeth
166
166
Review of Michael Jackson  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am reviewing as part of the Simply Positive Reviewing Group. Remember, please, that my feedback is just one opinion in a world of opinions and yours to consider or ignore at your pleasure.

Simply and sympathetically stated, this has an objective quality quite like an obituary. Looking at the prompt, this seems very appropriate.

I don't know if this is a dialect issue, but in the first line of the last stanza, from a US dialect perspective, I would reverse "never" and "did" as this is the common usage here.

Although the rhythm reads smoothly, this has a conversational or journalistic quality more than a lyrical quality. Since he was a pop musician, I think something more rhythmic would be very appropriate.

All in all, this is well written and an excellent response to the prompt.
167
167
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am reviewing as part of the Simply Positive Reviewing Group. Remember, please, that my feedback is just one opinion in a world of opinions and yours to consider or ignore at your pleasure.

I am very grateful to read your perspective. I agree with your interpretation of most things mentioned.

As for the writing, it is clearly not a formal article or essay, and not as well written as other things I have read of yours. I assume your priority was communicating content and you were not as focused on quality of writing. Of course there is also the issue of dialect: "Pretty little" is something we would not write in the US.

So, it is hard to critique. If have misread or misunderstood your purpose in this piece, please let me know and I will read with an eye more focused on the writing than the content.

Thanks for sharing.
Elizabeth
168
168
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am reviewing as part of the Simply Positive Reviewing Group. Remember, please, that my feedback is just one opinion in a world of opinions and yours to consider or ignore at your pleasure.

Thank you for posting this information. We need it if we will ever change our system. Your content is consistent with my experience working in a hospital based mental health facility.

I wish you had included more information about India.

As for the writing, I see no problems.

Thank you for sharing this and participating in an essential dialogue.
Elizabeth
169
169
Review of Dark Spaces  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I am reviewing as part of the Simply Positive Reviewing Group. Remember, please, that my feedback is just one opinion in a world of opinions and yours to consider or ignore at your pleasure.

This is very close to good. It talks of a universal experience, giving the piece value, and is strengthened by the main observation of the event hanging around continuing to pose a threat.

Your use of language is very good.and you chose a meter that carries the reader forward. The weakness of the piece is inconsistent meter. Each line that has broken rhythm could be easily brought back into the established pattern by dropping a word without affecting the meaning at all.

This is on its way to being very good.
Thank you for sharing.
Elizabeth
170
170
Review of A Clown  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am reviewing as part of the Simply Positive Reviewing Group. Remember, please, that my feedback is just one opinion in a world of opinions and yours to consider or ignore at your pleasure.

I like this. It is simple, yet tells a story. I like the repetition, but think it might be good to break it slightly once or twice with just a slight difference.

This is the first time I have ever looked at someone's work and immediately thought of something to add. There is, in the small town where I live, a small and rarely visited park with a sign declaring it "Emmet Kelly Park." Perhaps he came from here. I don't know. So, here are my lines:

a sign within my town remembers
a sad faced clown
rarely visted by community members
this sad faced clown

I do not intend for you to use these lines, though it would be ok if you did. I just wanted to share the image your poem triggered in my mind. My feelings about this are long standing. My friend and I weed the flower beds from time to time because they are so neglected.

Thank you for sharing this. It clearly has a lot of meaning for me.
Keep writing.
Elizabeth
171
171
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wonderful!

Elizabeth
172
172
Review of The Dragons Creed  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am reviewing as part of the Simply Positive Reviewing Group. Remember, please, that my feedback is just one opinion in a world of opinions and yours to consider or ignore at your pleasure.

This is charming and well written. It bears a subtle "moral," that, though sometimes boring, reading helps achieve goals. This is a very importang message.

As for the writing, this is very well done with consistent rhythm and rhyme, and no obvious errors of spelling or punctuation.

My only problem, and a minor one at that is in:
"To hunt amongst the trees in bitter nights,
Blending with the night his scales so sleek."
"night" is repeated. I think this is an easy fix, should you choose to change it.

Thank you for sharing this. I really enjoyed reading it, aloud, i might add.
Keep writing,
Elizabeth

173
173
Review of Pride  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Welcome to WDC! I am reviewing as part of the Simply Positive Reviewing Group. Remember, please, that my feedback is just one opinion in a world of opinions and yours to consider or ignore at your pleasure.

I love your writing - both pieces posted. I can see little to improve. I love the ambiguity of this piece. If ever there was a clear picture of denial, this is it. It also demonstrates the futility of defining our value by other people's responses at any given moment, and the danger of acting from a single impression.

As for the writing, there is a typo in the next to the last sentence. I didn't notice any other problem.

I look at the quotes around the word death in the next to the last line. I am imagining the line without them, with little success. Now that they are there, I can't make them not there. I wonder if I would have seen the same meaning without them.

This is very imaginative and very well done.
Thank you for sharing it.
Elizabeth

174
174
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I did read it aloud and it was wonderful! It sets a wonderful mood and makes me want to take off my shoes and play in the rain like I did as a child. I like the mindfullness of it, the intense focus with acceptance and not judgement -- no complaint about the rain, no "this is wonderful rain," just description. I especially love the forth stanza.

About the writing: It is not obvious to me why you made the first indent. I can't see how I would think differently about the poem if it was not indented.

Also, your use of punctuation is inconsistent - commas but no periods or caps. This actually didn't bother me very much, but I still suspect it would be better with consistency.

All in all, this is delightful! Thanks for sharing it.

Remember, please, that this is your poem and not mine and my feedback is just one opinion in a world of opinions and yours to consider or ignore at your pleasure.

Elizabeth
175
175
Review of Neighbor Danger  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
What a realistic story -- makes me wonder if it is true.

I saw no flaws in the writing in one read. Wish I could look more closely, but must run.

Thanks for sharing this. It is truly thought provoking on many levels. I wish many people would read this and think more clearly about what they are doing.
Keep writing,
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