🌕 HuntersMoon's (huntersmoon) Reviews

🌕 HuntersMoon

Review Requests: OFF

3,120 Public Reviews Given

3,261 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

Honest but encouraging

I use an outline (form)to make sure I've covered all the bases but within that, it's pure dialogue. Let's talk about your write.

I'm good at...

Short Stories and better at Poetry

Favorite Genres

All

301

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#4019030

Review of The Empathic Fairy

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Awww. How sweet

- positively diabetic, in fact! (Yes Tracey, I'm teasing you a bit LOL) This was a clever take on the prompt and very much in the fantasy genre. Nicely done.

Ken

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#4018626

Review of Ode to Sir

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Hi April Desiree-I'm back!

It's just me, Ken (as if you didn't know

) and I chose to review your item today at your invitation. It's also part of my review challenge at the "Invalid Item"

on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board"

. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Ode to Sir"

.

First Impression/Thoughts:
Yep - your warning was correct. More implied than anything graphic

Creativity/Impact:
Creativity is the ability to transcend traditional ideas, rules, and/or patterns and find meaningful new ideas and interpretations. I think you've certainly done that. Dom/sub isn't a mainstream topic but I think you've handled it well.

Message/Theme:
The theme is Dom/sub relationships - not really BDSM per se. I really saw this more as foreplay

Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your words

.

Title - Ode to Sir - The title was interesting and hinted at the subject without any specificity. For those without a basic knowledge of what BDSM is and the terminology used, I think some readers will open this and go

. I hope they're smart enough to note it's adult rating. There are some real prudes out there

.

Grammar/Wording - Actually, I found this well spoken with the one exception of the word "hide" in line 3. It just seemed awkward to me although, in the context of this particular sexual orientation, it does work but not without some thinking. You could, instead, go with something like Imagining your hand, a forceful guide / that threatens more, me whispering "Please do." which would still keep the feel but might be more relatable? Just an idea

Form/Flow -Written as a Spenserian sonnet, I thought you did really well. The interlocking rhymes are perfect, the form well done, the overall flow excellent. Your use of iambic pentameter is also solid ... except for the first line of the couplet. "maid-en" switches the emphasis to trochee. Consider "Knight to my maiden you will always be;" That will keep the line iambic. Ending the line with a semicolon will make the final line a continuation of the thought and put the knight/maiden into context.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

I really enjoyed accompanying you on this journey of fantasy (even if I did have to brush up on kinkiness to get in the right mindset LOL). Thank you for sharing your vision and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#4018319

Review of A, B, C’s for Your Brain

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hi Ann Lapine

My name is Ken (you reviewed me earlier and I threatened promised to visit your port

) and I chose to review your item today as part of my review challenge at the "Invalid Item"

on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board"

. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "A, B, C’s for Your Brain"

.

First Impression/Thoughts:
Hey kid - I'm older than you!

Obviously, this is an article that's sure to attract a "more mature" audience so I'm your key demographic LOL. Interesting but short.

Creativity/Impact:
Creativity is the ability to transcend traditional ideas, rules, and/or patterns and find meaningful new ideas and interpretations. I think you've certainly done that with your ABC and DEFGHIJK as well

Message/Theme:
The theme is brain health for those getting older although it's clear it's applicable to any age person. A cohesive and clear write but I think you've slice this a bit thin. I wanted more than a sentence.

Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your enlightening words

.

Title - A, B, C’s for Your Brain - The title is the first thing that prospective readers will see. I thought your title invited the reader in to explore your health advice. I'm sure some will look just to see what you're talking about. Since it is the only thing a prospective reader will see while scanning the list of items in a writers port, it serves as the advertisement of the writer's imagination. I'm glad to see you used the description line to clarify what you were presenting and to build additional interest. Well done

Grammar/Wording - For the most part, this was easy to read, easy to digest (even for us seniors

). There are several features available to you in formatting that have made the presentation more eye-catching such as drop caps to "call out" that you were using an alphabetic presentation. You may want to see what's available at "Enhance Your Item With WritingML"

.

Form/Flow - I did notice that there's a LOT of white space here. By using "bold" for your individual headings, you can cut down on some of that; it makes for a more readable and professional looking article.

Writing devices - Just as a thought; it struck me that you gave limited suggestions that could have been developed a bit. For example - under G: Grandchildren: What if I don't have any? How about the alternative, G: Good deeds: Volunteer work in schools can accomplish the same thing

. Remember, there's a broad audience that may read this and, where you can, you should offer suggestions that will appeal to as many as you can.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

I really enjoyed reading this. Your concerns come through clearly and I found myself smiling as I accompanied you on this alphabetic journey. I think for a "newbie" effort, you did really well. That said, I think you could do better and I encourage you to read - to see what the possibilities are, review - to look at what works and doesn't for you as a writer and to encourage others to visit your work, and write - because that's why we're all here.

Thank you for sharing your vision and talent with me today. If you modify this and would like me to look at it again, I'd be more than happy to do so. See you around the site!

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#4017782

Review of Christmas in July

for entry "Christmas Magic at Keystone Camp"

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with Dark Dreamscapes

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

Hi Robin -

Now this was a great story. I'm sure your great grandkids loved hearing it!

Never mind, of course you're not that old LOL I love the inclusion of the letters home. They brought such a sense of believability to this story. The detail in the story just brought me right into the Camp as I listened to Robin

and Jenny relate the story of their first Christmas in July. The making of presents and excitement was so realistic that I could see this as biographical rather than from the creativity of your mind - but I know better

. It definitely brought back memories of my own camp days.

Thank you for a great tale and for the happy memories ...

Ken

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#4017410

Review of Christmases Past

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with Dark Dreamscapes

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Tracey ...

I think this picture tugged all of us into "Christmases past" which seems to be a recurring theme. It's such an odd picture and your tie-in to "The Scream" seemed to be a natural outgrowth of the out-of-kilter feel of it.

This was actually an interesting tale of the kind of things that can happen when you revisit the past and the memories begin to overflow. I really liked this and thought you did a great job of tying the image into this tale; the twist at the end only helped keep that "ghosts of Christmas past" feeling at the forefront of your story.

If I had to suggest something that would improve this, it's not in the story but the telling. I really wish you'd used a bit of internal dialogue rather than just narrative so I could have been "in" the story rather than just sitting on the sidelines. Minor, really, but something to think about.

Good to see you again

and I look forward to reading more of your entries.

Ken

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#4016938

Review of Christmas in July

for entry "One Hell of a Vacation!"

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with Dark Dreamscapes

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

Good Morning, Robin

Hell in a handbasket, huh?

Very punny story - I see we shared the same vision LOL. Well told and a fun read. They say nothing's funnier than real life and you've captured the spirit of Christmas and the Santa legend nicely with this cute story based on your own "neck of the woods." The playful interchange between Nick and Clara was realistic and natural and the dialogue kept the story moving nicely. I liked the subtle addition of the C.E.C. - almost deja vu like

- in working your signature into the piece.

Very clever and amusing. You're off to an amazing start with this tale.

Ken

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#4015331

Review of Charlotte's Lair

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi Jimminycritic

Well, I'm back again. You've been a busy fellow - too much time just sitting around from what I read

- and so I chose to review your item today as part of my review challenge at the "Invalid Item"

on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board"

. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Charlotte's Lair"

.

First Impression/Thoughts:
I think creating a book item is a clever idea - it will save room. The down side is that each review rates the book and not the individual items.

Creativity/Impact:
I liked that you made this a personal journey as keeper of "Charlotte's Lounge." Using the metaphor of sitting on the front porch was an excellent device for describing your duties and how you see yourself and what you do.

Message/Theme:
This was "biographical" in theme, relating your involvement with the Paper Doll Gang and the newcomers. I thought it was particularly telling: Most times, I get a friendly hello and almost never a goodbye. It seems you and the Maytag repairman have a lot in common

Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your words

.

Title - "Charlotte's Lair" is a great title and probably has more meaning for me than the average reader. I was pleased to see you explain it right up front so as to add clarity to the story.

Grammar/Wording - Nicely done. Although totally narrative you managed to keep the story moving right along. Technically, this is a good write which is the lowest standard I would expect from you.

Form/Flow - I think the flow of this was good - but I would have preferred you not write it in a single paragraph just for clarity's sake. You have several elements - what it is, the changes that seldom take place, the newbies dropping in, the challenges, and, of course, your clever link to your poem.

Emotion/Imagery - Nice use of metaphor to bring the feelings of the lounge into focus. The tone and descriptions made this feel more like a real place than a virtual one.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

I really enjoyed reading this. I think, above all, you've brought me into a place that I haven't been in years and re-familiarized me with parts of the PDG "network" that I've pretty much overlooked. Thank you for sharing your insights and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#4012846

Review of Flea Market Day

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with Dark Dreamscapes

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi DJane

My name is Ken (which I'm sure you know

) and I chose to review your item today as part of my review challenge at the "Invalid Item"

. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Flea Market Day"

.

First Impression/Thoughts:
You listed this as "prose" but there's poetry in your words and images. There's a unique category of poetry called "prose poetry." It's been described as "“Just as black humor straddles the fine line between comedy and tragedy, so the prose poem plants one foot in prose, the other in poetry, both heels resting precariously on banana peels.”

.

Creativity/Impact:
I found this very creative, capturing the vibrancy of a crowded flea market day and bring to light the characters that abound in such a place.

Message/Theme:
Not every poem or write has a message (although, buyer beware may be hidden here

); the theme of the variety of life and the uplifting gestalt that's found in these market places is prevalent through out your words.

Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your words

.

Title - "Flea Market Day" - A fitting choice and foreshadows the contents well. The title is the first thing that prospective readers will see. I thought your title invited the reader in to explore your observations on this unique American custom. I'm sure some will look just to see what you're talking about. Since it is the only thing a prospective reader will see while scanning the list of items in a writers port, it serves as the advertisement of the poets imagination. I think you used the description line as well to prepare the reader and set the tone of the write. Too many overlook this and yet it is an integral part of the write.

Grammar/Wording - Written in "natural speech" I found the words brought images and feelings that allowed me to participate as I walked through the market with you.

Form/Flow - Written as prose, there was no pretense of poetry, although I found much in your words. You relied on descriptions rather than metaphor to show the bustle of crowds, the calculations of the vendors, and the occasional oddity that brings a smile to the reader's face.

Poetic devices - I enjoyed the moments of alliteration (shirt, skirt, pants, suit or scarf ) although, for the most part, you avoided enjambment to pull the reader from line to line, instead relying on the power of imagery. I thought your use of assonance (looking for something to do) also made for a pleasing and flowing read.

Emotion/Imagery - Certainly, the descriptive elements found in this are strong and captivating.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

I really enjoyed reading this. Your enjoyment of the carnival like atmosphere comes through clearly and I found myself smiling as I accompanied you on this journey. I think, if you will allow yourself to give into that hidden poet, you could steer a bit more poetic.

Thank you for sharing your vision and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1991968 Unavailable **

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#4012569

Review of The Step-Fairy (Editor's Pick)

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Pepper

My name is Ken (which I'm sure you know

) and I chose to review your item today as part of my review challenge at the "Invalid Item"

on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board"

. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "The Step-Fairy (Editor's Pick)"

.

First Impression/Thoughts:
I told you I'd find something

and what a treasure I've uncovered here. A terrific tale from start to finish.

Creativity/Impact:
This is an all-too-human story of divorced parents and their kids. I love that you wove humor into what could have been a bitter tale. The tension is apparent but you handled it with a tender touch. Very creative and I'm sure it will resonate with readers.

Message/Theme:
If you feel you can't complete - move the playing field

This was a family themed story that explored the on-going relationship between a father and daughter after a divorce. You have a great sympathy for the Dad who comes across as an "every man." He may not have "success" as measured in today's world but he's a good person with a creative mind and he's going to make it work no matter what.

Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your gentle, humorous words

.

Title - "The Step-Fairy" - The title is the first thing that prospective readers will see and it's what drew me to this story. I thought your title was humorous and invited the reader in to explore this creation of yours. I'm sure some will look just from the title alone; it certainly served you well as an advertisement of your imagination. I think you used the description line as well to prepare the reader and set the tone of the write. Too many overlook this and yet it is an integral part of the write as well. Well done

Grammar/Wording - I'll admit - at first I thought that using the nuanced language of "western common speech" was a bit distracting but as I got into the story, that passed and it really helped the development of Marc's character. I stand corrected

I did feel that a lot of the set up was narrative and could just as easily been turned into "internal" dialogue but that's just a matter of preference. I probably do it too much

.

Form/Flow - This had all the elements of a complete story - you identified the conflict early on, you gave us the back story, and then you brought us into the tale of the relationship. Natural sounding dialogue kept the story moving along and Marc's solution for the Princess's concerns was a perfect (and imaginative) ending. Loved it all.

Emotion/Imagery - You managed to keep me "in the picture" with great descriptions of the setting; I sincerely enjoyed Marc's reaction to the Princess bed - I don’t know ‘bout a bed ‘xactly like this, but maybe we can find something at Walmart. Okay?” He was pretty sure that blankets with Disney princesses on them didn’t cost quite this much. I actually had to laugh at this - in fact, I'm just about to head out to Walmart - I'll keep an eye open

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

I really enjoyed reading this and I really can't offer you any suggestions to improve this warm and humorous tale. I've been told 5

ratings don't help authors - hogwash! No writes in a vacuum. I guess I do have one suggestion - keep doing what you're doing! Thank you for sharing your vision and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1803691 Unavailable **

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#4012555

Review of What Love Is This

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi 💙 Carly

My name is Ken (which I'm sure you know

) and I chose to review your item today as part of my review challenge at the "Invalid Item"

on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board"

. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "What Love Is This"

.

First Impression/Thoughts:
I love the Sonnet form and you've brightened my day just by posting this

Creativity/Impact:
Although prompt based, I thought you did a wonderful job in capturing "true love" in this flowing and emotionally charged sonnet.

Message/Theme:
This was an expressive response to the prompt. Your descriptions of the relationship based on love were a bit "smaltzy"

, reflecting what we all hope love will be but seldom is (Maybe that's just a "guy" point-of-view LOL). Your concluding couplet was effective in summing up the feelings woven into the poem. Overall, I think you did really well.

Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your tender words

.

Title - "What Love Is This" - A fitting choice and foreshadows the contents well. The title is the first thing that prospective readers will see. I thought your title invited the reader in to explore this world of yours. I'm sure some will look just to see what you're talking about. Since it is the only thing a prospective reader will see while scanning the list of items in a writers port, it serves as the advertisement of the poets imagination. I think you could have used the description line as well to prepare the reader and set the tone of the write. Too many overlook this and yet it is an integral part of the write as well.

Grammar/Wording - The choice of words, especially in a poetic form such as this is critical. I really felt you thought this through and found not only expressive words but also ones that kept the theme in play throughout. Great use of form and punctuation. One suggestion - in the first line of the couplet, consider a semi-colon after love - it's really two separate sentences.

Form/Flow - Written as an English Sonnet, you kept true to the form in structure. English sonnets are written in iambic pentameter - and while I admit to being "iambically challenged"

- there were a few lines where you switched to trochee (iambice is unstressed followed by stressed - trochee is just the opposite). such as in line line 2, verse 3: "Far reaching it does beguile, though not stray. If you're like me, I just don't hear the stressors and so when I write, I keep the dictionary open

Poetic devices - Nice use of metaphor (love ...blossoms red as rose) I thought your use of enjambment was very effective in pulling the reader from line to line. I liked your use of assonance (love blooms and grows) also, which made for a pleasing and flowing read.

Emotion/Imagery - Lots of emotion

but that's love for you LOL

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

I really enjoyed reading this. Both in form and content, your feelings come through clearly and I found myself smiling as I accompanied you on this journey. Thank you for sharing your vision and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1803691 Unavailable **

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311

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14 days may be credited.

#4012336

Review of E-Mail

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi Joy

My name is Ken (which I'm sure you know

) and I chose to review your item today as part of my review challenge at the "Invalid Item"

on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board"

. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "E-Mail"

.

First Impression/Thoughts:
You're a tough one

I had to search hard to find anything resembling "current" to review. I read through several of your poems and you're too good not to have anything written recently.

Creativity/Impact:
Poetry is taking the every day and finding the specialness in it.

The trials and tribulations of email certainly fits that category and you did just that with humor and an exasperation that all will identify with.

Message/Theme:
Written in a humorous vein, the wonders of technology are heralded in this missive about the joys of electronic mail - and our love affair with SPAM

.

Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your electronically reproduced words

.

Title - "E-Mail" I thought the title was both interesting and foreshadowing of the content. Certainly, it was immediately identifiable! The title is the first thing people will see when scanning your port and advertises the poet's imagination. "E-Mail" called to mind many possibilities and that provokes interest. I did find the description line a bit confusing - but it worked well to prepare the reader and set the tone of the write.. Too many overlook this and yet it is an integral part of the write as well.

Grammar/Wording - You've given us the language of email to make it easy to understand. Your use of examples was - such as references to Jet Blue, photos by the ton of vacations (you can't escape them any more

), and all the come-on lines, just highlighted the wonderful humor woven into this.

Form/Flow - Let me begin by saying free verse is, despite its freedom, not entirely free. It still needs to feel like poetry, whether it's in the use of verses, poetic norms, or simply the use of poetic lines. That's what I look for when reading. I think you did a really good job of keeping this in the poetry column. I thought the use of an opening refrain - adjusted with each verse - worked wonderfully to set up the verses. There was a bit of "poetic license" in some of the phrasing which I felt broke the "natural speech cadence" that free verse is know for. For example, at the end of verse 2, "after three minutes I've deplaned." Natural speech would have been "three-minutes after I've deplaned."

Poetic devices - I am a believer in rhyme, even in free verse and I enjoyed that didn't avoid it such as in verse 4: Next, E-Harmony, Christian Mingle / Don't they know I'm not single? I enjoyed the moments of alliteration (functional fare) and your use of enjambment was very effective in pulling the reader from line to line. I thought your use of assonance (Spellbound Pheromones, do I need testosterone) also made for a pleasing and flowing read.

Emotion/Imagery - This was written tongue-in-cheek and the warm humor of it wasn't missed.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

I really enjoyed reading this. I found myself smiling as I accompanied you on this journey of frustration and imagination. Write more, more often! Thank you for sharing your vision and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1803691 Unavailable **

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#4012306

Review of Wonderland

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi Jeff

My name is Ken (which I'm sure you know

) and I chose to review your item today as part of my review challenge at the "Invalid Item"

on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board"

. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Wonderland"

.

First Impression/Thoughts:
To quote from the source, “You would have to be half mad to dream me up.” ~ Lewis Carroll Well met, my friend. Nicely done.

Creativity/Impact:
I saw this prompt and, to be honest, I wondered how you'd turn this dark. I'd never considered Alice as a version of "Hotel California"

but here it is. Very creatively done.

Message/Theme:
While the form is restrictive, I think the dark theme of this - caught in a land of madness with no escape - plays well and the repetition is purposeful.

Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your dark words

.

Title - "Wonderland" - I thought the title was both interesting and foreshadowing of the content. The title is the first thing people will see when scanning your port and advertises the poet's imagination. "Wonderland" called to mind many possibilities and that provokes interest. I think you could have used the description line as well to prepare the reader and set the tone of the write. The information is duplicated in your notes so really doesn't add anything. Too many overlook this and yet it is an integral part of the write as well.

Grammar/Wording - The choice of words, especially in a poetic form such as this that links back to the beginning of the poem is critical. I really felt you thought this through and found not only expressive words but also ones that kept the dark theme in play throughout. Great use of form and punctuation.

Form/Flow - Written as a Kyrielle Sonnet, you did generally well in keeping to the form. The Kyrielle is written in tetrameter (think 8 syllables per line) Verse 1, Line 3 has 7 syllables

Just pull the contraction apart and add a darkly descriptive word and you'll be on track. In the first line of the closing couplet, you mistyped the opening line which pushes it to 9 syllables. Simply remove the errant "the" and you'll have conquered the form

FYI - I wrote a Villanelle not too long ago - and left a whole verse out! When someone kindly pointed that out - all I could do was

LOL

Poetic devices - Beyond your word choice which held the theme beautifully, I enjoyed the moments of alliteration (welcome wondrous wonderland, deeper down) and your use of enjambment was very effective in pulling the reader from line to line. I thought your use of assonance (easy achieve) made for a pleasing and flowing read.

Emotion/Imagery - The imagery here is strong; the metaphor for madness is woven throughout your words. Excellent read.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

I really enjoyed reading this. Other than a passing mental lapse

, you did a terrific job of taking this image and finding the darkness in it. Thank you for sharing your vision and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#4012258

Review of Patterns

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Geoff

My name is Ken. and I'm pleased to meet you

I chose to review your item today as part of my review challenge at the "Invalid Item"

on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board"

. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Patterns"

.

I see you're a recent "convert" to the site

. Welcome to WDC. I sincerely hope that you find whatever led you here and that you have discovered that we're a friendly and encouraging group.

Now, let's talk about your poem

..

First Impression/Thoughts:
As Shakespeare so aptly put it, "And this, our life, exempt from public haunt, finds tongues in trees, books in the running brooks, sermons in stones, and good in everything." It's clear, Geoff, that you've been listening

I really love the idea of "Poems Through The Cabin Window." There is much to learn from nature - again

Our forefathers may not have been as well educated, but they were wiser for their closeness to nature.

Creativity/Impact:
I quite enjoyed this contemplation of nature and thought that sharing your reactions to the wanderings of forest beasties was both enlightening and well done.

Message/Theme:
The nature theme of this played well with the question you ask (but don't answer

). There is a subtle sub-message of learning through nature that I found rang true with me. I'll admit - I had to really stretch my mind to encompass the random tracing of birds, voles, and porcupines as "patterns," which I think of as more structured and repeatable. I don't think a vole, for instance, would cross a grassy area the same way each time but I do think his instincts would guide him the same way.

Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your delightful words

.

Title - "Patterns" - The title is the first thing that prospective readers will see. I thought your title was open ended, allowing for interpretation and therefore inspiring interest. I'm sure some will look just to see what you're talking about. Since it is the only thing a prospective reader will see while scanning the list of items in a writers port, it serves as the advertisement of the poets imagination. You did incorporate the title into the poetic content as well which I thought was an excellent use.

Grammar/Wording - "Gold, diamonds, rubies, emeralds, sapphires." Rich words that convey precise images are used to create a sense of the new world you imagine and underscores "A shimmering world made of dreams,"

Form/Flow - I always recommend that, once you've posted something, go back and look, line by line. In this case, the first thing the reader sees is where you inserted a command for centering and inadvertently, added a line break in the middle of it so the WritingML is visible. It's really distracting and readers will now be looking to see what else may have been missed rather than looking at the poem. Let me begin by saying free verse is, despite its freedom, not entirely free. It still needs to feel like poetry, whether it's in the use of verses, poetic norms, or simply the use of poetic lines. That's what I look for when reading. I think you did a really good job of keeping this in the poetry column. One note of caution for you - when writing short poems such as this, be sensitive to repetitive words such as "patter" in the voles walking and then in the refrain. The word patter means to scurry which is in conflict with "creeps" in the following line. Just food for thought

Poetic devices - Nice use of onomatopoeia in the first two verses which brings in additional senses to the poem.

Emotion/Imagery - Certainly, the imagery here is consistent with the nature theme. The scurrying porcupine was clear and I could see his chubby little waddle

.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

I really enjoyed reading this. Your appreciation for nature comes through clearly and I found myself smiling as I accompanied you on this journey of experience and imagination. I think for a "newbie" effort, you did really well and I hope to read more of your collection. Thank you for sharing your vision and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#4012241

Review of SHE

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (3.0)

Hi BlackEmily

My name is Ken and I'm pleased to meet you

. I chose to review your item today as part of my review challenge at the "Invalid Item"

on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board"

. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "SHE"

.

I see you've just joined the site today! Welcome to WDC. I sincerely hope that you find whatever led you here and that you discover that we're a friendly and encouraging group.

Now, let's talk about your poem

...

First Impression/Thoughts:
I understand where you were heading with this ... but I don't think the journey's quite complete. The conflicts that you feel are evident and I think they came out in your approach and write.

Creativity/Impact:
Kahlil Gibran said "Poetry is a deal of joy and pain and wonder ... with a dash of dictionary."

I think you understood this and there's much to applaud in your poem. This was a sharing of yourself and that's about as creative as one can get.

Message/Theme:
Whenever I write, I begin with firmly setting a message in my mind so that my writing holds a consistent theme. Now, that doesn't mean I always end up where I started

; the vagaries of thought some time take down roads I never planned on taking. One of the things I've learned over the years is that I always go back and reread my work from a reader's point of view. This helps me with making sure my message stays true throughout my writing. I think you started this wanting - as your description says - "behind a she-beast lies a kindness within that no one can see." You wanted to express that there are two of you - the facade you present to the world and the woman inside. Somewhere in this write, your facade came to the fore and you ended this becoming the person who others see rather than projecting the inner person.

Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your words

.

Title - "SHE" I thought the title was both interesting and revealing. The title is the first thing people will see when scanning your port and advertises the poet's imagination. "SHE" called to mind many possibilities and that provokes interest. As I read this, it was obvious that "SHE" was you - that's the revealing part. You used the description line as well to prepare the reader and set the tone of the write. Too many overlook this and yet it is an integral part of the write as well.

Grammar/Wording - I started by scanning your port, trying to get a sense of who you were - but there's nothing there.

Some of your language usage struck me as odd and didn't really make sense even in the context of your poem. A few examples:
** Verse 4, Line 4: "Why bedeviling them is her only fond." I guessing you meant "pleasure" but that isn't what "fond" means.
** Verse 8, Line 2: "She's an angel, but it's reel." I'm sure you meant "real"

Even then, the way you've written it makes it unclear which is real - the devil or the angel?
** Verse 9, Line 4: "No kindness since prelude." Again, I'm just guessing - you've not shown kindness to others since before you built up your facade?
Above all, poetry is about communicating. You really have to put yourself in the reader's shoes and make sure what you're trying to say is actually what's coming through your words. Confusion is the enemy of poetry.

Form/Flow - You began this as free verse but switched to rhyme then back again, then back again, then half and half.

. In the end, I think trying to rhyme made you use words that really didn't express what you were trying to say and I recommend you stay with free verse. In free verse, some of the things I look for are use of poetic norms - versification, imagery, metaphors - yes, even the odd rhyme

Purist will tell you rhyme is not part of free verse but they're wrong. It is, after all, free verse. Free verse relies on the the rhythm of natural speech and when you bend that to include rhyme, that's where the the issue lies. I think the flow of this was helped by using a verse format and my hesitations came more from what I saw as message confusion. Are you showing the woman or the facade? Which one is speaking to me?

Emotion/Imagery - Certainly, the emotion here is strong and captivating. And, in fact, that may be just what got in the way. Sometimes, we get so wrapped in our emotions while writing we lose sight of of the fact that the reader doesn't have the same feelings - only what we offer them through our words.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

I really enjoyed reading this. Your enthusiasm comes through clearly and I found myself applauding your honesty as I accompanied you on this journey. I think for a "newbie" effort, you did really well. I hope you'll revisit this after the feelings die down and try and see it with a stranger's eyes. I think you'll see something different

. Feel free to send me a link and I'll be only too happy to look at it again if you choose to modify it. Thank you for sharing your vision and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#4011583

Review of Good-Bye

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with Construct Cup Contestants & GP...

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Sarah Rae

Really well done - and, as you may have picked up over the past month

I'm not a fan of free verse. This contest has made me do a lot more research on what free verse is. From my perspective, I look for a poetic flow and some elements of traditional poetry, primarily metaphor, simile, and imagery that support the theme of write. I try and understand the "why" of the write - why did you break the line here? what images are you trying to create and do they support the overall story/theme of the poem? It's subjective; does it "feel" like poetry. To me, this was all poetry and I really felt like you let the phrasing flow in a natural way.

It's been an interesting month - and I thank you for being a great traveling companion. I've enjoyed your talent and imagination.

Be well

and keep writing ...

Ken

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#4011430

Review of Construct Cup V 2.0

for entry "Tan Inni Gyfarfod Eto"

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with Construct Cup Contestants & GP...

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

Really? This is how you're going to leave?

It's been a fun journey and you've been a wonderful traveling companion. I'll admit it - you're pretty sprightly for a great-grandma LOL

God speed ... we'll be in touch.

Ken

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#4011217

Review of patterning words

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with Construct Cup Contestants & GP...

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Beautifully said, Rhyssa. I love the imagery of the back of a pattern where no one is meant to see, tangles loosen the words make them lose rhythm and falter. What a terrific idea. I totally agree - I do marvel at the different lace from the same pattern.

Well said. Thank you for an "aha" moment.

Ken

PS Verse 3 - "I bound in the ends" versus "I bind in the ends" You've written most of this in present tense.

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#4011118

Review of Construct Cup V 2.0

for entry "Deconstruction"

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with Construct Cup Contestants & GP...

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

And so you have, my friend .. and so you have. Well said. I had to laugh at your confession: Halfway through the morning, I, / who have never been a clock watcher, / start checking the time: Is it Noon yet?

Too close to the truth for me

My wife even starts glancing, asking "So what's the prompt today?" LOL

It has been a pleasure to read your work and find inspiration and truth revealed.

All my best,

Ken

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#4010642

Review of Outside

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with Construct Cup Contestants & GP...

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Tracey ...

I think you've captured a summer day beautifully.
Easy, flowing prose (with rhyme

)
capturing precious moments in time,
speaks to the days that seem so sublime,

Sorry, got carried away for a minute

Well done! Very nostalgic but enjoyable.

Ken

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#4010453

Review of Aquarius

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Poet's Place

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Tracey

So, you're a water sign - that explains a lot! No, I have no idea what it means. I thought your poem was terrific and captured the essences of the star sign Aquarius. I do wish you'd have gone one layer deeper - instead of just saying "forgiveness" show an example. "When you say words most unkind, we'll steam but forgiveness we'll find." I think that might have been a bit more effective. Just my random thoughts LOL I'm a Libra, what do I know?

Ken

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#4010448

Review of on falling to sleep

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with Construct Cup Contestants & GP...

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Yeah - that's pretty much the way I used to medi t a t e zzzzzzzzzzz

Not sure that was the point, however ... but I can totally identify with your poem. It brought back memories .. and a few dreams LOL

Well done Rhyssa - a lullaby of words

Ken

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#4010348

Review of My Words, My Way

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Hi Meshellmybell

My name is Ken - pleased to meet you

- and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "My Words, My Way"

[18+] on behalf of the Rising Star's "Random Thoughts and Cares"

[13+].

First Impression/Thoughts:
Hmmm - a driven lady for sure!

Makes me wonder why this is the most recent posting you have - you need to keep driving! Also - I noticed your rated this "18+" Not really - one use of "hell" and the reference to Crystal Meth (but not in the context of using it) makes this "13+" I only mention it because the higher rating will keep many from reading this; in fact, depending on how they've set up there port, they won't even see it. Remember, it's easier to get forgiveness than permission

Creativity/Impact:
Words as music isn't necessarily new; the theme has been used before but you've added "you" into the mix and that makes this a personal poem which is always unique.

Message/Theme:
The overall theme is, in your own words, my constant thoughts and I how express them in my poetry.

Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your words

.

Title - "My Words, My Way" was a great foreshadowing of this poem. It's what drew me to read this in the first place and I'm sure some will be attracted to the name just to see what words

. The description line is also part of your writing and I'm pleased to see you didn't throw it away but used it to set the stage and create a mood for the reader.

Grammar/Wording - Your use of language is good and your descriptions support the theme. Your writing technique is excellent and it's a pleasure to read. A few little "ankle-biters" such as "An artist (') s muse ... - possessive case but relatively minor.

Form/Flow - Written in rhyming couplets, you've stayed with perfect rhymes which I think is critical when using this approach. The meter bounces around a bit but nothing too distracting

Overall, it read well.

Poetic devices - Great use of metaphor and simile kept this interesting and moving along.

Emotion/Imagery - Certainly, the imagery here is strong and needs to be to support the metaphor.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

I really enjoyed this voyage of your inner self

. I look forward to reading more of your work - but you need to stop dancing and write it!

. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

** Image ID #1533813 Unavailable ** ** Image ID #1947700 Unavailable **

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#4010315

Review of Tomb with a View

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi Ԝ€ß☆ԜiʈCH

It's just me, Ken (as if you didn't suspect that already

) and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Tomb with a View"

[13+] on behalf of the Rising Star's "Random Thoughts and Cares"

[13+].

First Impression/Thoughts:
Hmmm. I picked this because it didn't appear to have any reviews which, given your talents, seemed odd to me. Perhaps it's the subject?

What is it about murder that puts people off? I thought, for the contest, it was a perfect write.

Creativity/Impact:
I thought this was a very creative and imaginative approach. A spoiled lady and her lover's frustration - been there

but with a different result. LOL I took her to the graveyard ... but that's another story

I loved it.

Message/Theme:
This was a dark themed poem about murder and the driving forces of "constant headaches"

There is more than a touch of black humor in this and you've created a complete story that both amuses and chills. Well done!

Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your dark words

.

Title - "Tomb with a View" certainly foreshadows the content and works as both the punchline for the poem and as an inviting pun to bring the reader into your web of words. A bit droll, perhaps, but effective

Grammar/Wording - What I really enjoyed was the inclusion of dialogue which is rare in poetry. It really brings this from a "telling" tale to one that brings the reader into the story. The poetry, while excellent, seems to fade and the dark story takes over the readers mind.

Form/Flow - Written in couplets within quatrains, I think this worked well. I did notice a few places where you were really reaching for the rhyme - "sweet charms from he" but in humor, the otherwise awkwardness of such plays into the fun of the write.

Emotion/Imagery - Certainly, you've drawn upon imagery to create this scenario of poison and death. I loved that you kept her narcissistic throughout; even in death some lessons will never be learned.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

I really enjoyed this voyage into the darkness of your mind. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

** Image ID #1533813 Unavailable ** ** Image ID #1947700 Unavailable **

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#4010236

Review of Construct Cup V 2.0

for entry "The Holder of the Glass"

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with Construct Cup Contestants & GP...

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

Now this is a tale ... and it's obvious you were inspired by the prompt today. You didn't warn me this was a book

Great characters and yes, rhyme, make this really captivating. One place you might want to check - verse 7 "thus time needs to (be) savored,"

Great job, Robin!

Ken

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#4010043

Review of Spirit to Spirit

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with Construct Cup Contestants & GP...

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Tracey

An interesting take on the caged bird lines. I absolutely saw where you were heading but somewhere in this I got a bit lost when you shifted focus from the bird and turned it into a metaphor for human bondage. It just seemed a bit unfocused to me - but then again, knowing my mind, it may just have been me

I like the use of the interspersed rhyme which I thought really pushed the flow and I found it very pleasing when read aloud.

Nicely done ...

Ken

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .