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3,120 Public Reviews Given
3,261 Total Reviews Given
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Honest but encouraging *Smile* I use an outline (form)to make sure I've covered all the bases but within that, it's pure dialogue. Let's talk about your write.
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351
351
Review of singing him home  
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Rhyssa

It's just me,Ken *Smile* and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "singing him home"  on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board"  .

*Starb* First Impression/Thoughts:
Tearjerker alert! The death of a child is sad and to lose one before he's known this place he's come upon is tragic.

*Starv* Creativity/Impact:
What's more creative than life? This is a remembrance of a time and place that is unique to you. Thought painful, thank you for sharing this - perhaps it will bring comfort to someone else.

*Staro* Message/Theme:
The required theme was "death" and this speaks eloquently to it. You've met all the requirements in a sad but gentle way.

*Starg* Technique/Technical Notes:
I promise - no more harangues on free verse. Well, maybe a small one *Laugh* From my perspective, I look for a poetic flow and some elements of traditional poetry, primarily metaphor, simile, and imagery that support the theme of write. I try and understand the "why" of the write - why did you break the line here? what images are you trying to create and do they support the overall story/theme of the poem? It's subjective; does it "feel" like poetry. To all that, I say yes. The final thing I look for is "does it make sense?" Often many will have an image and their writes are really about describing what they see and feel. (*Blush* Yeah, I'm one of those LOL). At times, it appears that some writers haven't gone through a complete translation - some is still in their head which is really tough on a reader *Laugh* Again, I didn't see any of that.

What I did see was your final line: the only smells he knows / are antiseptic and tears I can't tell you why but this struck me as odd and kind of left me going "Huh?" *Smile*

*Starr* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Halfstar* The death of any child is not something you "enjoy." but I did enjoy your talent and courage in penning this. Your emotions and compassion comes through clearly. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
352
352
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi April Desiree-I'm back!

It's just me, Ken *Smile*, and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Queen of the Shades"  on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board" .

*Starb* First Impression/Thoughts:
A nice retelling of the mythology behind the seduction of Persephone and how she became the Queen of Hades - but you're not done yet *Smile*

*Starv* Creativity/Impact:
Not being that familiar with the myths, I read this with interest. The tale, as it unfolded, was creative and the how and why became clear. Nicely done.

*Staro* Message/Theme:
This is the story of how Persephone, the goddess of fruitfulness, became the paramour of Hades. You take us from her early infatuation with Apollo through her abduction and eventual seduction by the Lord of Darkness.

*Starg* Technique/Technical Notes:
Overall, I found this to be well structured and saw only a few minor "ankle-biters" *Smile* I'll email you a copy with a few items highlighted that you may want to look at. A couple of things came to mind as I read this:

*Bulletb* Characters: I think you need to flesh out the characters a bit. I never had the feeling I could envision who these people were. What does Persephone look like? Is she flighty or serious? I think if you spend a few words on the major players (and yes, you did a much better job with Hades although how he became aware of Persephone and why he chose her was never clear) to flesh them out, they will become more relateable. Part of this is to create a bond between the reader and the characters. That's when the emotional connection will kick in and make the reader care about what's happening.

*Bulletv* For me, the ending ... didn't. You bring in Eurydice, who had been saved earlier but was now dead again. Why? How? It appeared that when Persephone had "pardoned" Orpheus and gave him back his wife earlier, you were showing that, unlike the cold-hearted Hades, she was bringing a small amount of compassion to hell. Was this to imply that she had finally accepted her role?

*Bulletg* So, what's with the pomegranate seeds? They evidently have some meaning and power but they came out of nowhere and there's no explanation as to why they're significant. You need to set this up a bit better.

*Bulletr* *Laugh* Okay - this is really minor but it stuck out in my mind. You have Persephone abducted and placed in a chariot. You then go on to describe that it had no windows. To most, a chariot will bring an image of Ben Hur - an open, two-wheel vehicle driven from a standing position. In later times, it could also mean a stately carriage but not at the time you're writing about. Perhaps, "carriage" or some other name?

*Starr* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Star* You've put a lot of time and effort in this and I think you have a really good story - but it felt a bit unfinished to me. Now that you've been away from it for a while, go back and view it from a reader's perspective. I think some areas need expanding to clarify the context of what's happening. You did the research and all that information is in your head - now, we just need to pull a bit more out and put it on the page *Laugh* Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable ** ** Image ID #1947700 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
353
353
Review of bath time  
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Rhyssa

My name is Ken (as if you didn't know *Bigsmile*) and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "bath time"  on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board"  .

*Starb* First Impression/Thoughts:
A nicely done Senryu chain. I really like "vignettes" - those little slices of life that we so often overlook - and this was a complete story of bath time. One thing you may want to do before ... nope, too late *Sad*. When you copy and paste from another program such as MS Word, the characters don't always translate here. For example, your apostrophe's came over as something like "?1/2" which really makes it hard to read. I recommend, after posting, always go and look to see what really shows up.

*Starv* Creativity/Impact:
What's more creative than a child at bath time? Perhaps, capturing it in a poem *Laugh*

*Staro* Message/Theme:
I think you did well with the prompt "cleaning something." Now, though it's been years since I had that much fun with my own, the memories still glisten in my mind like the water left on the floor LOL.

*Starg* Technique/Technical Notes:
Senryu is a Japanese form of short poetry similar to haiku in construction: three lines with 17 or fewer total syllables. Senryu tend to be about human foibles while haiku tend to be about nature, and senryu are often cynical or darkly humorous while haiku are more serious. Unlike haiku, senryu do not include a kireji (cutting word), and do not generally include a kigo, or season word. You used the form perfectly. One of the things I look for, however, is that the senryu should not read like a sentence and verse iii was just that. Verse ii was perfect; you give us the image and then show us another aspect. Well done.

*Starr* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Star* An very enjoyable read that brought back a lot of memories. You've captured a moment in time with the warmth and feeling that it deserves. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable ** ** Image ID #1947700 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
354
354
for entry "Ablution" 
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi fyn

My name is Ken (but you knew that LOL) and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Ablution" , part of your collection "Construct Cup V 2.0"  on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board" .

*Starb* First Impression/Thoughts:
I love the clever word play hidden in this little jewel. Although the subject is not particularly happy (or, maybe it is on second thought), it is a wonderful capture of a cleansing ritual that frees the soul.

*Starv* Creativity/Impact:
I thought this was very creative; the tone, the flow, the imagery all speak to the theme of cleansing.

*Staro* Message/Theme:
From my perspective, I saw this a having two meanings. The first was releasing worries which I surmised from your opening lines. The second was releasing the dregs of lost relationships. I really loved the hidden pun - digitalis and foxglove *Laugh* - but knowing my sense of humor, I'm sure that doesn't come as a surprise. This second meaning is clear, from the "heart" reference and the ending words. Together, they flow into a whole picture but I suspect many won't take the time to really try and understand - more's the pity.

*Starg* Technique/Technical Notes:
Written as free verse, any "rules" per se are null and void *Laugh* other than it should feel like poetry. I certainly had no trouble seeing the poetry in this challenging write. I think your use of words to pull images into the reader's mind is excellent and your ability to capture the reader's imagination is superb. I'm not a big fan of free verse - probably because I don't do it well *Laugh* - but this spoke to me and that, Robin, is the sign of a successful poem.

*Starr* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Halfstar* An thought provoking read. Thank you for allowing me to accompany you on this journey and for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable ** ** Image ID #1947700 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
355
355
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with Dark Dreamscapes  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi DyrHearte writes

Okay, I know I said no more "long form" reviews but this deserves one. I chose to review your item today as part of my review challenge at the "Invalid Item" . It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Jabrina and Millicent: Act One" .

*Shield1* First Impression/Thoughts:
Wow *Laugh* What a unique idea for a story. Totally engrossing and such a great ending. It's funny but I know from experience that my "adult" writes get the most views and least reviews. This one completely deserves great reviews.

*Shield2* Creativity/Impact:
Sexual vampires *Bigsmile* Need I say more?

*Shield3* Message/Theme:
This is a supernatural themed write that includes a bit more of salacious detail than many might expect. You handled it with great aplomb and delicacy and I found it very tasteful (no pun intended *Laugh* - well, maybe a small one LOL)

*Shield4* Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your dark words *Bigsmile*.

*Bulletb* Title - "Jabrina and Millicent" is an odd title and brought to mind alien beings when I first saw it *Laugh*. I guess, to some extent, they are to men LOL. Thankfully, you used the description line as well to prepare the reader and set the tone of the write. Too many overlook this and yet it is an integral part of the write as well.

*Bulletg* Grammar/Wording - I think what impressed me most was the delicacy of language that you used. It would have been easy to step across the "GC" line but you kept it full of detail without making it too graphic. You relied on the reader's nature to fill in the blanks LOL. A few suggestions: watch repetitiveness. Thumbnail light of the moon was used in almost every description of the light. Expand your imagery! I thought of "Cheshire Cat-like" (everyone remembers that smile appearing out of nowhere LOL) or even crescent. I almost hate to mention it - Millicent? *Laugh* A bit Disney-ish, perhaps?

*Bulletr* Form/Flow - Absolutely perfect. I dropped in at the start and suddenly found myself at the ending, wondering how I'd gotten there. Great story flow.

*Bulletv* Writing devices - Well organized, full of delicate detail, and action oriented. A great story.

*Bullet* Emotion/Imagery - While in the end this was a dark-ish write, you'd never know it. Certainly you portray the uncertainty felt by Jabrina well, her confusion over love and lust, and, at the climax *Bigsmile* the true dark nature of Millicent. The portrayals felt natural and real. Well done.

*Shield8* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Star* I really enjoyed reading this. Your enthusiasm for fantasy and skillful portrayal of intimacy comes through clearly as I accompanied you on this journey of imagination. Well done! Thank you for sharing your vision and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1987307 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
356
356
Review of Failed Magic  
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with Dark Dreamscapes  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Deb *Smile*

Ahhh. How nice not to have use the form anymore LOL. I'll go back to it - but for now, ahhhhhh.

OK - I really enjoyed this but have absolutely no idea what the magic was supposed to do. You did say, "I'm not getting any younger" but that's a common expression that means "I'm wasting my time" so I'm confused - either meaning fits so what meaning did you have in mind?

Technically, good write. You're just a wonderful writer and I love the creativity of this. Just needs a bit of clarification (at least for us simple minded LOL)

Well done,

Ken


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
357
357
Review of ME ON THE MENU  
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with Dark Dreamscapes  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi SandraLynn Team Florent!

My name is Ken (which I'm sure you know *Laugh*) and I chose to review your item today as part of my review challenge at the "King's Landing updating "  on behalf of the House of Baratheon. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "ME ON THE MENU" .

*Shield1* First Impression/Thoughts:
It's that season in Virginia too *Laugh* Wonderful sense of humor shown here.

*Shield2* Creativity/Impact:
I found this very creative. This was almost loop poetry and the subtlety wasn't wasted on me. LOL Very cleverly written.

*Shield3* Message/Theme:
The theme was nature - and it's voracious appetite, especially when it comes to us. As you so cleverly put it Thighs, shins, arms, shaking head, a torso; Mosquitoes warm smorgasbord

*Shield4* Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your humorous words *Bigsmile*.

*Bulletb* Title - The title, "ME ON THE MENU" is the first thing that prospective readers will see. I thought it advertised the humor that was woven into the contents. It certainly was a draw to me as I scanned the title and decided to see where you were taking me today. I'm glad to see you used the description line as well to prepare the reader and set the tone of the write. Too many overlook this and yet it is an integral part of the essay as well.

*Bulletg* Grammar/Wording - A good solid technical write - no errors noted. Your words bring out both the pain and futility of dealing with nature. Sometimes all you can do is laugh.

*Bulletr* Form/Flow - You wrote this in quatrains with an ABAB rhyme. Okay - it's not perfect. There are a few meter issues which trip the tongue when reading and a few of the rhymes were "near fhymes" but it would be nit-picking to mention them. Like you, I occasionally am much more intent on meaning than "purity of form." I'll always err on the side of communication.

*Bulletv* Poetic devices - Humor is a device not used often enough! You've captured the absurdity that we put ourselves through to enjoy the great outdoors. Beyond that, your use of enjambment was very effective in pulling the reader from line to line. I thought your use of assonance also made for a pleasing and flowing read.

*Bullet* Emotion/Imagery - The imagery here is strong, adding to the humor and making this so that anyone who's walked out a door on a warm day will identify with this.

*Shield8* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Halfstar* I really enjoyed reading this. Your sense of humor comes through clearly and I found myself grinning as I accompanied you on this journey of imagination. I think for a "newbie" effort, you did really well. Thank you for sharing your vision and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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358
358
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with Dark Dreamscapes  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi warriormom

My name is Ken (which I'm sure you know *Laugh*) and I chose to review your item today as part of my review challenge at the "King's Landing updating "  on behalf of the House of Baratheon. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "You Have Not Chosen Us" .

*Shield1* First Impression/Thoughts:
Dear Pat - thank you for this write and for the update! You offer hope for those who may be going through this malady that may have roots in neurology but affects the parents soul.

*Shield2* Creativity/Impact:
I found this very creative. You've shared a sensitive part of your life with anyone who will take the time to read it. Your sense of obligation is unique and deserves praise.

*Shield3* Message/Theme:
Your words describe it best: Don't give up on children with problems! They are worth it.

*Shield4* Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your hopeful words *Bigsmile*.

*Bulletb* Title - "You Have Not Chosen Us" The title is the first thing that prospective readers will see. I thought your title invited the reader in to explore this world of yours. I'm sure some will look just to see what you're talking about. You did incorporate the title into the poetic content as well which I thought was an excellent use.

*Bulletg* Grammar/Wording - A good solid technical write - no errors noted. Your words bring out both the pain and promise of dealing with a troubled child.

*Bulletr* Form/Flow - You wrote this in quatrains with couplet rhyme. Okay - it's not perfect. There are a few meter issues which trip the tongue when reading but the rhymes are solid and the emotion and meaning so identifiable that it would be nit-picking to mention them. Like you, I occasionally am much more intent on meaning than "purity of form." I'll always err on the side of communication.

*Bulletv* Poetic devices - Your use of enjambment was very effective in pulling the reader from line to line. I thought your use of assonance also made for a pleasing and flowing read.

*Bullet* Emotion/Imagery - Did I say "emotion?" *Bigsmile* Every word of every line was emotionally charged as you describe the helpless feelings of dealing with a troubled child - and yet, you find hope and strength to endure. Excellent write, my friend.

*Shield8* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Star* I really enjoyed reading this. Your challenges and consistent optimism is to be admired and I found myself smiling as I accompanied you on this journey. Thank you for sharing your vision and talent with me today - it is a gift for anyone who reads this.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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Beginning May 1st Please click the image above and support "Invalid Item"  by posting Cheers for House Baratheon for 1k each!
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359
359
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with Dark Dreamscapes  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi Dr Matticakes Myra

My name is Ken (glad to meet you *Smile*) and I chose to review your item today as part of my review challenge at the "King's Landing updating "  on behalf of the House of Baratheon. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Can you Believe in Science and God?" .

*Shield1* First Impression/Thoughts:
I ran across this on Random Reviews and - having asked the question myself over the years - wanted a different perspective. Not so different, as it turns out *Smile*.

*Shield2* Creativity/Impact:
I thought you made your argument very well. I agree - a belief in science and religion aren't mutually exclusive, except to the zealots on either end of the spectrum, and therein lies the issue. Unfortunately, when you get to the "hardcore" believers, logic doesn't play - only dogma prevails.

*Shield3* Message/Theme:
I think you said it best: "Until such time that science can prove the existence or non-existence of God, it is perfectly possible to believe in both science and God."

*Shield4* Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your logical words *Bigsmile*.

*Bulletb* Title - "Can you Believe in Science and God?" The title is the first thing that prospective readers will see. I thought your title was challenging and prepared the reader for what followed. I'm glad to see you used the description line as well to prepare the reader and set the tone of the write. Too many overlook this and yet it is an integral part of the essay as well.

*Bulletg* Grammar/Wording - For the most part, you words were chosen to convey a balanced logical discussion to reader in a matter-of-fact tone and seemed well thought out. You used a few technical terms that many won't have a clue about *Smile* but their general meaning can be inferred from the context.

*Bulletr* Form/Flow - Written as a essay, you used the general form of the classic format for compositions. It is not the only format for writing an essay, of course, but it is a useful model to keep in mind, especially to show others how to develop composition skills. I did find some of the paragraphs ran a bit long (and for old geezers like me, you could have enlarged the font to "3.5" *Smile*) but overall, it was easy to follow.

*Bullet* Emotion/Imagery - I think you managed to keep emotion out of this and present your argument in a neutral tone. Your use of outside references were kept to a minimum yet used when appropriate.

*Shield8* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Halfstar* I really enjoyed reading this. Your knowledge and thinking come through clearly and I found myself agreeing with you as I accompanied you on this journey. Thank you for sharing your vision and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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Beginning May 1st Please click the image above and support "Invalid Item"  by posting Cheers for House Baratheon for 1k each!
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360
360
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with Dark Dreamscapes  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Byrd

My name is Ken (glad to make your acquaintance *Laugh*) and I chose to review your item today as part of my review challenge at the "King's Landing updating "  on behalf of the House of Baratheon. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "The Depths of Our Time" .

I see you're new here *Smile* Let me be among the first to say *Confettip* "Welcome to WDC." *Confettig* I hope you find whatever drew you to the site. I think you'll find we're a supportive and encouraging group all here for the same reason - to write, to learn, to be inspired.

*Shield1* First Impression/Thoughts:
I have to ask - what's "pretty awesome?" Your poem, the message, or that you figured out how to post? *Laugh* I know it took me a day or two when I first got here.

*Shield2* Creativity/Impact:
I found this very creative primarily because it's your vision. Without context, I'm assuming this is your version of "the Rapture." Since you used "god" - little "g" - I can't be sure and your description does run contrary to mainstream Christian philosophy.

*Shield3* Message/Theme:
This was a joyful and emotional write about the end of time. Again, without context, I'm not sure what you're describing. Most people are "visual" and I get the impression you had a "mini-movie" going on that you described here. I know, when I first started, I'd "see" my work before the first word ever hit the page. What I've learned is that the reader's don't have access to my images so they have to rely on what I actually write. Food for thought.

*Shield4* Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your words *Bigsmile*.

*Bulletb* Title - The title, "The Depths of Our Time" is the first thing that prospective readers will see. I thought your title was mysterious and invited the reader in to explore. I'm sure some will look just to see what you're talking about. Since it is the only thing a prospective reader will see while scanning the list of items in a writers port, it serves as the advertisement of the poets imagination. You did incorporate the title into the poetic content as well which I thought was an excellent use.

*Bulletg* Grammar/Wording - You words were chosen to convey your theme to reader, setting up the occurrences you foresee "in the depths of our time," and seemed well thought out. You chose to use punctuation which I personally like since it directs the viewers actions to stop or pause. However, if you're going to use it - be consistent. A few of the lines were missed. I'm assuming that you capitalized certain words for emphasis but again, you need to pay attention to consistency. For example, you capitalized "Pain" but not "chill" - yet both were effects of the "Empty Explosion."

*Bulletr* Form/Flow - I'm not a big fan of free verse because it's really a lot more difficult than most appreciate. Free verse is, despite its freedom, not entirely free. It still needs to feel like poetry, whether it's in the use of verses, poetic norms, or simply the use of poetic lines. I think you did well with this although I found this borderline prose. Prose tends to be more "matter-of-fact" and is closest to spoken language. As I read this, I saw several complete sentences. That's natural language. I don't want you to take this as a criticism, just as food for thought.

*Bullet* Emotion/Imagery - Both emotion and imagery were present. There was a silent "Hallelujah" present as I read this *Smile* in the joyful exuberance of your poem.

*Shield8* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Halfstar* I enjoyed reading this in spite of having doubts about your true meaning. Your enthusiasm comes through clearly and I found myself smiling as I accompanied you on this journey. I think for a "newbie" effort, you did well. That said, I recommend that, after a space of time, go back and read what you've put on the page from a reader's perspective. Poetry is about communicating and clarity is key. Thank you for sharing your vision and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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361
361
Review of Devoted To You  
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with Dark Dreamscapes  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Sum1

My name is Ken (which I'm sure you know *Laugh*) and I chose to review your item today as part of my review challenge at the "King's Landing updating "  on behalf of the House of Baratheon. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Devoted To You" .

*Shield1* First Impression/Thoughts:
First and foremost - Congratulations on writing a winning poem. It is a beautiful loop poem full of warm images befitting a love poem *Smile*

*Shield2* Creativity/Impact:
I found this very creative especially the "Jim Dorrell variation" of the Loop poem that you created here. *Laugh*

*Shield3* Message/Theme:
The theme of devoted love runs through each line. I found it a cohesive and clear write.

*Shield4* Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your loving words *Bigsmile*.

*Bulletb* Title - The title, "Devoted To You," is the first thing that prospective readers will see. I thought your title was open and direct and prepared the reader's for what was to follow. I'm sure some will explore just to see what you're talking about. I'm glad to see you used the description line as well to prepare the reader and set the tone of the write. Too many overlook this and yet it is an integral part of the write as well

*Bulletg* Grammar/Wording - This was a good technical write. Words were chosen to convey your theme to the reader in a gentle, devotional tone and seemed well thought out.

*Bulletr* Form/Flow - Written as a Loop poem, you followed the form perfectly - even remembering to close the poem with the final loop *Smile*. In each stanza, the last word of the first line becomes the first word of line two, and so on. You chose to write this as a single stanza. The rhyme scheme is supposed to be alternating but you chose to make this a mono-rhyme. That's not an easy task but you did it masterfully.

*Bulletv* Poetic devices - I enjoyed the moments of alliteration and even touches of internal rhyme. There was no need for enjambment due to the form of the poem. I thought your use of assonance also made for a pleasing and flowing read.

*Bullet* Emotion/Imagery - This was a love poem so it was intentionally emotional and that came through clearly. The imagery was excellent and supported the theme throughout.

*Shield8* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Star* While a bit smaltzy for me *Laugh*, I really enjoyed reading this. Your skills as a poet come through clearly and I found myself smiling as I accompanied you on this journey of imagination. Thank you for sharing your vision and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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362
362
Review of I Could Be  
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with Dark Dreamscapes  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Simplify

My name is Ken (glad to meet you *Laugh*) and I chose to review your item today as part of my review challenge at the "King's Landing updating "  on behalf of the House of Baratheon. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "I Could Be" .

I see you're new here *Smile* Let me be among the first to say *Confettip* "Welcome to WDC." *Confettig* I hope you find whatever drew you to the site. I think you'll find we're a supportive and encouraging group all here for the same reason - to write, to learn, to be inspired.

*Shield1* First Impression/Thoughts:
Nicely done - a pensive write about shadow play under the guise of a children's game *Smile*

*Shield2* Creativity/Impact:
I found this very creative. The guessing game that provides the structure of this was cleverly conceived.

*Shield3* Message/Theme:
What is a shadow? What does it mean? How did it come to play on my wall? There is a playfulness to this exploration of light and dark although you chose a somber approach to it.

*Shield4* Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your words *Bigsmile*.

*Bulletb* Title - The title 'I Could Be" is the first thing that prospective readers will see. I thought your title was mysterious and invited the reader in to explore where this went. I'm sure some will look just to see what you're talking about. Since it is the only thing a prospective reader will see while scanning the list of items in a writers port, it serves as the advertisement of the poets imagination. You did incorporate the title into the poetic content as well which I thought was an excellent use.I noted that you didn't use the description line to prepare the reader and set the tone of the write. Too many overlook this and yet it is an integral part of the poem as well. Just something to think about *Smile*

*Bulletg* Grammar/Wording - This was a good technical write. You words were chosen to convey your theme to reader, setting up the guessing game, and seemed well thought out.

*Bulletr* Form/Flow - I'm not a big writer of free verse because it's really a lot more difficult than most appreciate. Free verse is, despite its freedom, not entirely free. It still needs to feel like poetry, whether it's in the use of verses, poetic norms, or simply the use of poetic lines. I think you did well with this although I found this borderline prose. Prose tends to be more "matter-of-fact" and is closest to spoken language. As I read this, I saw several complete sentences. That's natural language. I don't want you to take this as a criticism, just as food for thought.

*Bulletv* Poetic devices - I enjoyed the moments of alliteration (simply shadow, yin yang) and your use of enjambment was effective in pulling the reader from line to line. I thought your use of assonance (could be an oak tree) also made for a pleasing and flowing read.

*Bullet* Emotion/Imagery - Here's where I had some hesitation. You said this was a children's write but there was a dark feeling to this, especially the final lines. I was looking for a more playful feel, I guess.

*Shield8* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Star* Despite some mixed feelings, I really enjoyed reading this. Your enjoyment of fantasy comes through clearly as I accompanied you on this journey of imagination. I think for a "newbie" effort, you did really well. Thank you for sharing your vision and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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363
363
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with Dark Dreamscapes  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi sweet libya

My name is Ken (glad to meet you *Laugh*) and I chose to review your item today as part of my review challenge at the "King's Landing updating "  on behalf of the House of Baratheon. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "an ear not money lend me" .

*Shield1* First Impression/Thoughts:
The poet, Robert Graves, said "“There's no money in poetry, but there's no poetry in money, either.” which I think is (at least partly) your point.

*Shield2* Creativity/Impact:
I found this not so much creative as I did passionate in making an argument for what most would say is common sense. It certainly is a statement of your convictions and that is uniquely you.

*Shield3* Message/Theme:
"It is simple as this: a million cannot buy a moment of peace but a moment of peace can make a million."

*Shield4* Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your words *Bigsmile*.

*Bulletb* Title - "an ear not money lend me" The title is the first thing that prospective readers will see. I thought your title invited the reader in to explore the meaning of it. I'm sure some will look just to see what you're talking about. Since it is the only thing a prospective reader will see while scanning the list of items in a writers port, it serves as the advertisement of the poets imagination.

*Bulletg* Grammar/Wording - Whenever I read a piece like this, I always go the author's port to get a sense of the writer. You never set up your biography so I'm working a bit in the dark here. I suspect that English isn't your first language from the way you write. You communicate well - that's not the issue - but some of your sentence structures are awkward. Keep writing - practice makes perfect. One word of caution: watch the spelling errors - in you description, you misspelled "different." Some will see this as a sign to pass the item by.

*Bulletr* Form/Flow - This was written almost as an essay. You make the case that money isn't everything and give good examples.

*Bullet* Emotion/Imagery - Your passion for the subject is evident. Your use of examples are well thought out.

*Shield8* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Star* Regardless of how you said it, I really enjoyed reading this. Your enthusiasm comes through clearly and I found myself smiling as I accompanied you on this journey. I think for a "newbie" effort, you did really well. Thank you for sharing your vision and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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364
364
Review of Scattered Rose  
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with Dark Dreamscapes  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi lyssi-lou

My name is Ken (glad to meet you *Laugh*) and I chose to review your item today as part of my review challenge at the "King's Landing updating "  on behalf of the House of Baratheon. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Scattered Rose" .

I see you're new here - very new *Smile* Let me be among the first to say *Confettip* "Welcome to WDC." *Confettig* I hope you find whatever drew you to the site. I think you'll find we're a supportive and encouraging group all here for the same reason - to write, to learn, to be inspired.

Now, on to the review ...

*Shield1* First Impression/Thoughts:
A sad tale that, unfortunately, is all too true. Too many (women ... and men too) never realize their own beauty.

*Shield2* Creativity/Impact:
I enjoyed the metaphor of a rose sharing it's petals as a symbol for how we touch other's lives. I thought it was a creative approach and gave this a unique flavor.

*Shield3* Message/Theme:
There are several messages I saw. First and foremost, we need to realize that we're each beautiful. Maybe not in the way television advertiser's try to tell us we are but in our humanity. There was theme here of sharing our lives and how that can touch others. A cohesive and clear write.

*Shield4* Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your bittersweet words *Bigsmile*.

*Bulletb* Title - "Scattered Rose" The title is the first thing that prospective readers will see. I thought your title was very descriptive of the contents. I'm sure some will be drawn to this just on the title alone. I'm a proponent of using the description line to help prospective readers understand a bit more about the contents and I'm glad to see you used it to set the mood for the story. The "hurt" part was delicately alluded to and I really didn't pick up on that without rereading.

*Bulletg* Grammar/Wording - From a technical standpoint, there are a few issues here. The first thing I saw was this was written in a single paragraph and seemed crowded. It did make it difficult to read (especially for old geezers like me LOL). I think you could open this up and have more impact. For example - take the opening:

Her beauty was undeniable, her charm could not be escaped, (and) her laughter was contagious. She possessed a great mind, (period) She traveled and explored in thought.

It was impossible not to love her.

This way, you can direct the emphasis where you want the reader to feel it.

*Bulletr* Form/Flow - Besides opening this up, watch out for the "run-on" sentences. You tend to put a lot of thoughts together with commas. Don't be afraid to break them down into bite-sized bits. It helps the reader's understanding.

*Bulletv* Writing devices - You have all the elements of a great story here. I write mostly poetry and there's a wonderful imagery that you use that's almost poetic in feel. Good job.

*Bullet* Emotion/Imagery - Certainly, this was written with great emotion woven into it. I suspect you drew on your own feelings quite a bit as you penned this tale. Don't ever back down from your feelings - they give the story realism and that connects with the reader.

*Shield8* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Halfstar* Although sad, I really enjoyed reading this. Your ability to create emotion through your words stands out clearly and I found myself swept up in the sadness as I accompanied you on this journey of imagination. I think for a "newbie" effort, you did really well. Thank you for sharing your vision and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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Beginning May 1st Please click the image above and support "Invalid Item"  by posting Cheers for House Baratheon for 1k each!
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365
365
Review of The Tree  
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with Dark Dreamscapes  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Margaret Milham

My name is Ken (glad to meet you *Laugh*) and I chose to review your item today as part of my review challenge at the "King's Landing updating "  on behalf of the House of Baratheon. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "The Tree" .

I see you're new here - very new *Shock* Let me be among the first to say *Confettir* "Welcome to WDC." *Confettio* I hope you find whatever drew you to the site. I think you'll find we're a supportive and encouraging group all here for the same reason - to write, to learn, to be inspired.

Now, on to the review ...

*Shield1* First Impression/Thoughts:
I'm a nature love so running across this was fortuitous *Smile* I really enjoyed the personification of the old tree and how, in the end, it found a peace of sorts.

*Shield2* Creativity/Impact:
I found this very creative. Your use of personification - allowing us into the mind of a tree - was very well done.

*Shield3* Message/Theme:
This was an expressive, nature themed poem. Good use of descriptions to set the scene and thoughtful words made it a bittersweet write.

*Shield4* Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your words *Bigsmile*.

*Bulletb* Title - The title, "The Tree" is the first thing that prospective readers will see. I thought your title was simple, direct, and eloquent. I'm sure some will look just to see what you're talking about. I'm a proponent of using the description line to help prospective readers understand a bit more about the contents and I'm glad to see you used it to set the mood for the poem.

*Bulletg* Grammar/Wording - A good technical write with no errors noted. Nice choice of words convey the theme throughout. You've captured the melancholy of lonesomeness and the dreams of what could have been.

*Bulletr* Form/Flow - I'm not a big writer of free verse (or, vers libre as those with airs like to say *Laugh* because it's really a lot more difficult than most appreciate. Free verse is, despite its freedom, not entirely free. It still needs to feel like poetry, whether it's in the use of verses, poetic norms, or simply the use of poetic lines. I think you did well with this although I found this borderline prose. Prose tends to be more "matter-of-fact" and is closest to spoken language. As I read this, I saw several complete sentences; in fact, each line appears as a sentence. That's natural language. I don't want you to take this as a criticism, just as food for thought.

*Bulletv* Poetic devices: Above all, you used personification - adding personal nature or human characteristics to something nonhuman - at the heart of your write.

*Bullet* Emotion/Imagery - Certainly, the imagery here is strong and captivating. The human emotions woven into this makes your poem more identifiable to readers who can relate to the feelings.

*Shield8* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Star* I really enjoyed reading this. Your love of nature comes through clearly and I found myself smiling as I accompanied you on this journey of imagination. I think for a "newbie" effort, you did really well. Thank you for sharing your vision and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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366
366
Review of Maude  
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with Dark Dreamscapes  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Miss. Flagrant

My name is Ken and I chose to review your item today as part of my review challenge at the "King's Landing updating "  on behalf of the House of Baratheon. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Maude" . I see you're new here *Smile* Welcome to WDC. I hope you'll find us a friendly and encouraging group and that your stay will be fruitful!

*Shield1* First Impression/Thoughts:
You are a tease, by nature, aren't you? *Laugh* So, how does it end? You left us hanging ... I would also consider raising the rating to 13+ - yes, it's just one "hell" tucked in at the end but some folks are overly sensitive. *Bigsmile*

*Shield2* Creativity/Impact:
While I enjoyed the story, it was based on "Christina Rossetti's Sister Maude poem" and I suspect you needed to have read the poem to get the full impact of this snippet of the tale. One recommendation: add a link to the poem at the bottom of the page. You can copy and paste the following to add it: {x-link:http://classiclit.about.com/library/bl-etexts/crossetti/bl-crossetti-sistermaude.htm}Sister Maude{/x-link} A complete list of how to add links, emoticons, or using Writing ML can be found http://www.writing.com/main/tools/action/writingml...

*Shield3* Message/Theme:
Ahhh, sibling rivalry is the fodder of so many great tales *Smile* This is a Gothic themed tale of deception, jealousy, and ultimately betrayal written in a historical setting. I'm not a big fan of this but the heart of the story is universal regardless of time periods.

*Shield4* Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your dark words *Bigsmile*.

*Bulletb* Title - The title "Maude" is the first thing that prospective readers will see. I thought your title was very open ended but appropriate. It didn't speak to me of anything in particular which is why I'm a proponent of using the description line to help prospective readers understand a bit more about the contents. "I did," you'll say ... but those who've never heard of Christina Rossetti or Sister Maude will still be clueless *Smile* Remember, you can always add a note at the bottom of the tale to add this kind of information .

*Bulletg* Grammar/Wording - You kept the language period appropriate which helps in establishing a feel for the setting. For the most part, it seems you're not a "newbie" when it comes to writing. This was well written and I saw only a few minor errors. A few examples:
Paragraph 3: "No-one" isn't typically a hyphenated word.
Paragraph 4: You wrote In the end they agreed to do so, the driving force ... These are two separate thoughts and should be two sentences rather than using a comma. Even a semicolon would work *Smile*
Paragraph 7: You wrote “Vivien!!” exclaimed Beatrix,“Hello Beatrix” came the deep, ... When using dialogue, typically each speaker is divided by a paragraph. This allows the reader to keep track of who's speaking with constantly having to identify the speaker.

I think, with a little distance, if you reread this you'll catch these little "ankle biters" *Bigsmile*

*Bulletr* Form/Flow - The overall flow was well done and the read fairly smooth. There were some parts that seemed to come out of nowhere and didn't make sense to me (although, that could be me as a reader too *Smile*). For example, you announced Maude's return with "Thud!" ??? A door closing, a foot stomping, where did that sound come from? You bring Vivien (the real one) into the scene at the end but I'm left wondering how Victor knew so much about the sisters that he could pass himself off as Vivien - and why would he?

*Bulletv* Writing devices - You gave us the five elements of a complete story: setting, plot, characters, conflict and theme. I think the plot line suffered a bit without knowledge of the poem but, then again, I'm really not a romantic at heart so I may be a poor judge.

*Bullet* Emotion/Imagery - The imagery is key in setting up the setting. I thought your descriptions were very good and I could imagine this gothic house with ease. Nicely done.

*Shield8* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Halfstar* I did enjoy reading this although leaving me hanging at the end wasn't very nice of you *Smile* . You've obviously done your homework and your inspiration was clear as I accompanied you on this journey of imagination. I think for a "newbie" effort, you did really well. I hope you'll continue this story; it will be interesting to see where this journey takes you. Thank you for sharing your vision and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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367
367
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with Dark Dreamscapes  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi spidey

My name is Ken and I chose to review your item today as part of my review challenge at the "King's Landing updating "  on behalf of the House of Baratheon. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "in the shade of the cherry tree" .

*Shield1* First Impression/Thoughts:
A beautiful free verse, full of vivid images. I was at the National Mall a few weeks ago and can totally identify with this *Smile*.

*Shield2* Creativity/Impact:
I applaud your perceptiveness and thought your creativity in translating this to words that carry your feelings was excellent.

*Shield3* Message/Theme:
This was an expressive response to watching/feeling/perceiving the gentle fall of cherry blossoms. A cohesive and clear write.

*Shield4* Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your dream-like words *Bigsmile*.

*Bulletb* Title - The title, "in the shade of a cherry tree" is the first thing that prospective readers will see. I thought your title invited the reader in to explore what you found there. I'm sure some will look just to see what you're talking about. Since it is the only thing a prospective reader will see while scanning the list of items in a writers port, it serves as the advertisement of the poets imagination. I noticed you didn't avail yourself of the description line to set the reader's expectations or to tantalize their imagination. Every word is part of the poem *Bigsmile* Just a thought.

*Bulletg* Grammar/Wording - Great choice of words build the delicate images you've created. While there's a great amount of leeway allowed in writing free verse, I was pleased to see you used punctuation *Laugh* I really helps the reader to know where to pause, to savor what was said before continuing on. I noticed that you used a traditional "capitalize every line" approach ... except in the last line. (Just pointing it out LOL) There were no technical errors. This was a clean write which is commendable. Well done.

*Bulletr* Form/Flow - Free verse (Verse Libre for those with affectations LOL) is, despite its freedom, not entirely free. It still needs to feel like poetry, whether it's in the use of verses, poetic norms, or simply the use of poetic lines. That's what I look for when reading. In free verse every single line should be written and placed for a reason. I felt you were aware of this and I think you did a great job of both making this feel like poetry and flow like poetry.

*Bulletv* Poetic devices - I enjoyed the moments of alliteration (breath brings, strengthened soul) and your use of enjambment was very effective in pulling the reader from line to line. I thought your use of assonance (deep breath brings sweetness) also made for a pleasing and flowing read.

*Bullet* Emotion/Imagery - Imagery is the heart of this, bringing the reader into your experience. The delicate fall of blossoms and their soft touch on your perception is woven throughout.

*Shield8* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Star* I really enjoyed reading this. They say no poem is complete until read and my own experiences were woven into your words. I found myself smiling as I accompanied you on this journey of imagination. Thank you for sharing your vision and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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368
368
Review of Holiday at Home  
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Bob retired

My name is Ken (I'm sure we've crossed paths before *Laugh*) and I chose to review your item today as part of my review challenge at the "King's Landing updating "  on behalf of the House of Baratheon. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Holiday at Home" .

*Shield1* First Impression/Thoughts:
First and foremost - Congratulations on writing the winning poem for "SENIOR CENTER FORUM" . I can see why it won. Full of humor and pathos, this is such a warm and too familiar write.

*Shield2* Creativity/Impact:
I think the most creative you can be is to write about the "real world." You did just that and, if I was a betting man, I say this was pulled from your own experience. *Laugh*

*Shield3* Message/Theme:
This was an "outside the box" response to the prompt of vacation. Your descriptions of the family, the trials and tribulations, and the way we include our pets in our "family" was honest and touching. Each verse was well thought out and supported the theme of your poem. A cohesive and clear write.

*Shield4* Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your humorous words *Bigsmile*.

*Bulletb* Title - "Holiday at Home" The title is the first thing that prospective readers see. I thought your title was too the point and invited the reader in to explore what a home vacation was. I'm sure some will look just to see what you're talking about. I was pleased to see you used the description line effectively to pique the reader's interest. Too many forget to use it.

*Bulletg* Grammar/Wording - Even with the use of "proper English" *Laugh* your writing is clear and there were no technical mistakes. A real pleasure to read.

*Bulletr* Form/Flow - Written primarily in sestets {with a closing quatrain) using a couplet rhyme, this flowed very well. Even the two near rhymes weren't noticeable which shows you the power of a good story, well told.

*Bulletv* Poetic devices - Beyond your word choice, I enjoyed your use of enjambment which I thought was very effective in pulling the reader from line to line. I thought your use of assonance also made for a pleasing and flowing read.

*Bullet* Emotion/Imagery - I found the imagery here strong and I could see the whole scene unfold. You told us this with a large helping of humor and that, above all else, makes this work both as a story and as a poem.

*Shield8* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Star* I really enjoyed reading this. Your ability to combine great story telling and poetry is excellent and I found myself smiling as I accompanied you on "holiday at home.". I think for a "newbie" effort, you did excellent. Thank you for sharing your story and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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369
369
Review of NEVER GROW OLD  
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi COUNTRYMOM-JUST REMEMBER ME

It's just me, Ken, which I'm sure you know *Laugh*, and I chose to review your item today as part of my review challenge at the "King's Landing updating "  on behalf of the House of Baratheon. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "NEVER GROW OLD" .

*Shield1* First Impression/Thoughts:
Too late! I'm already there! Oh, you mean mentally *Laugh* What a positive and uplifting write. You really "turn up the heat" on those who want to quit.

*Shield2* Creativity/Impact:
Not only did I find this creative, my friend, I found it fraught with wisdom. As you so eloquently say, "the lessons once learned now must be told."

*Shield3* Message/Theme:
The theme is clear - getting old isn't for sissies or quitters. The message is equally clear - "Life is for the living, no matter the real cost, Once you give up, you are sure to be lost."

*Shield4* Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your wise words *Bigsmile*.

*Bulletb* Title - "Never Grow Old" - Hmmm. What I got was "never admit to growing old." *Laugh* I thought your title was direct and an open invitation to readers to enter and gain a perspective of what your years have taught you. Titles, to me, are the most difficult part of writing - and the more you write, the harder it gets.

*Bulletg* Grammar/Wording - Unadorned, direct, with touches of humor through out. Grammar, punctuation, usage - all top notch.

*Bulletr* Form/Flow - Written in quatrains with a couplet rhyme, I found this flowed smoothly and - more importantly - it made sense as I read your words. I think I got a crick in my neck from nodding in agreement (or perhaps it just recognition) with each line.

*Bulletv* Poetic devices - I though your use of enjambment was very effective in pulling the reader from line to line. I thought your use of assonance and consonance also made for a pleasing and flowing read.

*Bullet* Emotion/Imagery - Certainly, the imagery here is strong and instantly recognizable for those of us "in our prime." Your use of humor was especially effective.

*Shield8* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Star* I really enjoyed reading this. Your wisdom comes through clearly and I found myself smiling as I accompanied you on this journey of assessment. Thank you for sharing your perspective and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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370
370
Review of Muse  
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Another Thing To Dust

My name is Ken and I chose to review your item today as part of my review challenge at the "King's Landing updating "  on behalf of the House of Baratheon. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Muse" .

*Shield1* First Impression/Thoughts:
A beautiful poem to your muse be she real or imagined *Smile*

*Shield2* Creativity/Impact:
I find "promptless" writes the most difficult but, like you, I do enjoy talking with my muse. Sometimes it's more like scolding *Laugh*, but a conversation is a conversation. I thought your refrain of "you're every tale ..." was wonderfully creative and captured the essence of a muse.

*Shield3* Message/Theme:
This was a praise filled write to honor your muse. The themes of gratitude and relationships were woven nicely into this.

*Shield4* Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your joyful words *Bigsmile*.

*Bulletb* Title - "Muse" The title is the first thing that prospective readers will see. I thought your title was direct and an open invitation to readers to enter and gain a perspective of what your muse was up to. Titles, to me, are the most difficult part of writing - and the more you write, the harder it gets *Laugh*. I'm noticed you didn't use the description line to add depth to the title. Many forget that setting the stage really helps the reader get in the right mindset prior to reading. A contest entry can just be added as a note at the bottom. Something to consider ...

*Bulletg* Grammar/Wording - Good word choice is central to developing a poem. Your use of descriptive words really builds a picture of your muse and your relationship with her. I really enjoyed "flecks of gold ... that hold stories to tell" It really created a great image in my mind to start the read.

*Bulletr* Form/Flow - Written as a Rondeau, it appears you didn't pick up on some of the subtleties of the form which are easy to miss:

Let's start with the Refrain: "The first phrase of the first line usually sets the refrain although it is admissible to use the whole line as the refrain." You actually created a refrain line in the first verse rather than using part of the first line.

Rhyme: The Rondeau only uses two rhymes noted as a and b in description. The rhyme is (R. a). a. b. b. a / a. a. b. R. / a. a. b. b. a. R. All the "a"s must rhyme together and all the ""b"s must rhyme together. This means in verse 2, for example, the first two lines must rhyme with "gold/hold/told" and the third line must rhyme with "give/live."

*Bulletv* Poetic devices - Beyond your word choice and the use of a refrain, I enjoyed the moments of alliteration (find flecks) and your use of enjambment was very effective in pulling the reader from line to line. I thought your use of assonance (You're every tale I've ever ...) also made for a pleasing and flowing read.

*Bullet* Emotion/Imagery - Certainly, the imagery here is strong and captivating. I felt I could see your muse by the end of the read.

*Shield8* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Halfstar* I really enjoyed reading this. I thought your poem was beautiful and full of emotion. That said, it wasn't a Rondeau. If you're going to use a specific form, you need to pay as much attention to understanding the structure as you do to creating the content. Thank you for sharing your vision and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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371
371
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with Dark Dreamscapes  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi April Desiree-I'm back!

My name is Ken (which I'm sure you know *Laugh*) and I chose to review your item today as part of my review challenge at the "King's Landing updating "  on behalf of the House of Baratheon. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Cautious Courtship" .

*Shield1* First Impression/Thoughts:
A beautifully written English (Shakespearean) sonnet.

*Shield2* Creativity/Impact:
This was written very much in the style of Shakespeare. Excellent use of words to convey the essence of an earlier period; it flows within the words and transports the reader back to a more romantic time in the past.

*Shield3* Message/Theme:
The theme of love from afar or more precisely love unspoken is central to this romantic sonnet.

*Shield4* Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your gentle words *Bigsmile*.

*Bulletb* Title - "Silence" - The title is the first thing readers will see and advertises both the content and poet's imagination. I thought your title was inviting but really didn't speak to the content. The description did a little better *Smile* but I think still misses the point. Titles to me are the most difficult part of writing *Laugh*. What came to my mind was "reticence" ~ the state of being reserved, especially with regard to speaking freely. Just a thought *Smile*.

*Bulletg* Grammar/Wording - Words are chosen for many reasons; to set a mood, to convey an emotion, and/or to establish a feel within a poem. I thought your word choice and phrasing really set a romantic mood recalling a time of Victorian manners and sensibilities. Well done. I think there's a typo in V2L3: "and treasured was my heart, thought it may hide" There was (for me) just a bit of confusion at the end due to phrasing with "take me back I pray." I didn't get the impression she had moved on, in fact, had made it clear that his attentions were welcome by "emboldened by thy words..." Perhaps it's just me? *Bigsmile*

*Bulletr* Form/Flow - Written as an English sonnet, your form was perfect (I'd expect nothing less *Laugh*) and while I'm "iambically challenged", I actually was able to pick up the da-Dum rhythm of this.

*Bulletv* Poetic devices - Written in iambic pentameter, the strong perfect rhymes really make this sing. Nice use of enjambment to carry the reader from line to line.

*Bullet* Emotion/Imagery - Great use of imagery here; I like the tie-in between seeking treasures and treasured heart. *Smile* The central character's conflict between his feelings and his fear is clearly the central emotion that weaves through each line.

*Shield8* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Star* I really enjoyed reading this. I think you captured the feelings of romantic love and the flavor of a more formal period well with this. Thank you for sharing your vision and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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372
372
Review of Nelson's World  
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with Dark Dreamscapes  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi Jellyfish

My name is Ken (which I'm sure you know *Laugh*) and I chose to review your item today as part of my review challenge at the "King's Landing updating "  on behalf of the House of Baratheon. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Nelson's World" .

*Shield1* First Impression/Thoughts:
I do believe you've been spending too much time with cats *Laugh*. I thought you captured Nelson perfectly; certainly, I've known his ilk before.

*Shield2* Creativity/Impact:
The use of personification I've always found to be creative. You've taken your experiences and translated them into what surely they must be thinking.

*Shield3* Message/Theme:
This was thematically a cat story. You kept the point of view consistent, the story moved along with deft humor and certainly anyone who's been around cats will recognize Garfield Nelson *Laugh*

*Shield4* Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your humorous words *Bigsmile*.

*Bulletb* Title - "Nelson's World - I thought your title (and the description) invited the reader in to explore what this imaginative world you created was like. I'm sure some will look just to see what you're talking about. It's what drew me to read it *Smile*

*Bulletg* Grammar/Wording - Okay - you're still using that proper English *Laugh* but I was prepared this time LOL. Actually, the only word I didn't get was "BASTET" - couldn't find it any where. I thought you might be referring to his illegitimacy *Laugh* but, erring on the side of your obvious good taste, decided it must be related to "Basta" - enough! Other than that, a well written story! *Thumbsup*

*Bulletr* Form/Flow - Nicely developed, from opening door until nap time *Smile*. This was a real pleasure to read; no errors of any type noted.

*Bulletv* Writing devices - This was written as a vignette - a small, graceful literary sketch. I thought you used Nelson's observational talents well to introduce the other characters and kept the action moving right along along with his humorous insights into the world.

*Bullet* Emotion/Imagery - Your descriptions were all well done and appropriate, not interfering with story itself. I think a bit more description of the central character could have helped me picture him better. I was left with Garfield *Laugh*

*Shield8* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Halfstar* I really enjoyed reading this. Your humor and familiarity with cats comes through clearly and I found myself smiling as I accompanied you on this journey of imagination. Thank you for sharing your vision and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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373
373
Review of I am Sham  
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with Dark Dreamscapes  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Kalai

My name is Ken and I chose to review your item today as part of my review challenge at the "King's Landing updating "  on behalf of the House of Baratheon. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "I am Sham" .

*Shield1* First Impression/Thoughts:
I should tell you upfront my personal prejudice - I'm not a fan of free verse. That said, I quite enjoyed this probably because I found it honest and - yes - I could identify with it *Smile*.

*Shield2* Creativity/Impact:
Honesty is always creative and the doubts and feelings you share are uniquely you. You can't get much more creative than that.

*Shield3* Message/Theme:
This was a poem that thematically expresses your doubts about the road you've traveled in your life. It certainly is specific to a relationship you've had over many years that has deteriorated with age, with familiarity, with complacency.

*Shield4* Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your words *Bigsmile*.

*Bulletb* Title - "I am Sham" The title is the first thing that prospective readers will see. I thought your title invited the reader in to explore what brought you to this point - what falseness you felt had earned you the title. I'm sure some will look just to see what you're talking about. You did incorporate the title into the poetic content as well which I thought was an excellent use.

*Bulletg* Grammar/Wording - You use bitter words to describe where you find yourself at this point (although this is 2 years old, I'm guessing you posted this because your feelings haven't changed). The words reflect an emptiness you feel although there's a level of doubt that you deserve such a moniker. I think to some degree, that's where I felt conflicted about your poem. In verse 3 you wrote "if he liked or disliked." It seemed to just hang there without connection. If he liked or disliked what? Marriage? You? As I read your poem, the emotions are clear but the connections between the emotions and the meanings of the lines sometime fade. Perhaps the visible example was the dichotomy of being called "a sham" and "never learned to be false." I think you answered your own question: Who can tell me? You can.

*Bulletr* Form/Flow - I'm sure I've said this before; free verse is, despite its freedom, not entirely free. It still needs to feel like poetry, whether it's in the use of verses, poetic norms, or simply the use of poetic lines. That's what I look for when reading. In free verse; every single line should be written and placed for a reason. I think you did a good job of both making this feel like poetry and flow like poetry.

*Bulletv* Poetic devices - I thought your use of enjambment was very effective in pulling the reader from line to line. I thought your use of assonance also made for a pleasing and flowing read.

*Bullet* Emotion/Imagery - Emotion is the center stage for this write. There is a sense of outrage that someone you've been with so long could label you a sham; yet, you seem to accept it albeit with indignation. You know the truth as only someone who's lived it can.

*Shield8* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Star* I enjoyed reading this for the honesty I felt you wove into each line. I think that you knew exactly what you were feeling and had a lot of emotions in your mind as you wrote this. I feel that in the moment of writing, you forgot that we - the readers - don't have access to all those feelings and, with the passage of time, you can now go back and relook this from our perspective. This is a good poem but it felt like there was something missing that would allow the reader to fully understand what was driving you. Thank you for sharing your vision and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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374
374
Review of Not To Worry  
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with Dark Dreamscapes  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi 💙 Carly

My name is Ken (which I'm sure you know *Laugh*) and I chose to review your item today as part of my review challenge at the "King's Landing updating "  on behalf of the House of Baratheon. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Not To Worry" . I hate to see items in a port without at least one review so this is naked no longer! *Laugh*

*Shield1* First Impression/Thoughts:
I love vignettes and this is a perfect example of one. A small slice of everyday life, polished and held up to the light just for the pure pleasure of it. I did note you rated this 18+ which is really higher than it needs to be. 13+ would have been appropriate. The higher rating will keep a lot of people from reading it if they have filters on.

*Shield2* Creativity/Impact:
I enjoyed this; more than that *Blush*, I can identify with it. More than once I've failed to call the wife in a timely manner and I'm sure caused her worry. There is a moral here - but you didn't carry the story far enough for the "punishment phase" *Laugh*. Yes, I'm just kidding you.

*Shield3* Message/Theme:
There was no soapbox for this write; no message of great import. The theme of why we worry was woven into this along with some cautionary words about worrying before it's time to worry. It will tap on the shoulder to remind folks that life is what it is. Enjoy the moment.

*Shield4* Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your words *Bigsmile*.

*Bulletb* Title - "Not to Worry" I thought your title was appropriate and yet, it was ambiguous enough to stir curiosity. The title is the first thing that prospective readers will see. I'm sure some will look just to see what you're talking about.

*Bulletg* Grammar/Wording - Generally clear and unambiguous. An easy read. A few places (and this is probably regional - I'm guessing Canadian) struck me as odd sounding. Line 1, you begin with "The night smelt fresh... Yes, "smelt" is the simple past tense of smell but seldom used anymore. My first reactions was melting metal? A small fish? (Other meanings of "smelt" *Smile*). Since you're describing something happening now, smelled would have been a better choice.

*Bulletr* Form/Flow - This was a solid write *Thumbsup* It's flow was natural, the story developed nicely and stayed consistent throughout. The only confusion came when you began discussing "Donny hasn't come home yet. Have you heard from Robbie?" You had just mentioned Robbie (I'm assuming a husband to someone) and now I had no idea who these people were or why they should have called. You really didn't clear up the confusion until about 2/3 of the way through the story when the relationships were finally made clear. You know the characters but the reader doesn't.

*Bulletv* Writing devices - Great use of metaphor at the beginning to set a pastoral scene; maybe just a bit overdone *Smile* but I think that's the hidden poet in you. I'm guilty of the same thing (LOL). Nice use of dialogue to bring the reader into the story and reflect the emotions and personalities of the protagonists.

*Bullet* Emotion/Imagery - The emotions that played out were well portrayed and felt natural. Good job of making them believable. It enhanced the reader's ability to identify and get into the story instead of standing outside and watching.

*Shield8* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Star* I enjoyed reading this. You certainly have the talent for storytelling and you did really well in taking this slice of life and making it totally believable. I always recommend that after you write something, take a moment to reread it as a reader might - not as the author. It will help you to spot rough edges where there the story needs additional clarity. Thank you for sharing your vision and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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375
375
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with Dark Dreamscapes  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Arakun the Twisted Raccoon

My name is Ken (which I'm sure you know *Laugh*) and I chose to review your item today as part of my review challenge at the "King's Landing updating "  on behalf of the House of Baratheon. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "The Witch's Diary Part I" .

*Shield1* First Impression/Thoughts:
OK - you've got me hooked *Bigsmile* Now you're going to make me read the rest of your novel.

*Shield2* Creativity/Impact:
This first chapter was all about setting the backstory and getting the reader involved. I think you did a good job of creating the mystery and introducing the supernatural elements Your protagonist, Melissa, was developed nicely and (OK, I'm a sucker for animals LOL) I thought the puppy added to story even though (as of now) he's just a nice detail. He did, however, add that "it's not all in my mind" element with his reaction to Rebecca's appearance.

*Shield3* Message/Theme:
This is a supernatural story of a ghost/witch and her message from the past to the main character, Melissa. So far, this is a cohesive and clear write and you're clearly building up the suspense layer by layer. I'll be interested to see where you go from here.

*Shield4* Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your metaphysical words *Bigsmile*.

*Bulletb* Title - "The Witch's Diary" I found the title intriguing - thinking maybe it was about my mother-in-law *Laugh* - just kidding! I thought it an enticing title that's sure to draw the reader's eye. The title is the first thing that prospective readers will see. I'm sure some will look just to see what you're talking about.

*Bulletg* Grammar/Wording - An excellent use of language and form. It's so nice to read anything of length and not be distracted by mistakes. I applaud that you paid as much attention to the structure as you did the content.

*Bulletr* Form/Flow - Overall, well done! The story progressed logically and you've added a lot of detail to help the reader get into the story. Your use of dialogue is very good and keeps the reader in the moment of the action.

*Bulletv* Writing devices - This is the first chapter and laying the foundation for the rest of the story is an imperative. I thought you did a great job of laying out the outlines of the backstory here. I'm hoping you'll revisit it in later chapters (which I suspect you do - it's too juicy not to LOL).

*Bullet* Emotion/Imagery - Great use of imagery especially the details in the cornfield and the old house.

*Shield8* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Star* - for now *Bigsmile* If I don't see what I expect later, I may have to downgrade this LOL. I really enjoyed reading this and look forward to the next installment *Laugh*. Knowing your penchant for twisted tales, I found myself smiling in anticipation as I accompanied you on this journey of imagination. On to Chapter 2! . Thank you for sharing your vision and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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