This is a review on behalf of "Showering Acts of Joy Group" [E]
This writing is a passionate tribute from a mother to her sleeping child. The writer uses her words unashamed, letting the unconditional beauty of her love flow onto the paper. A mother drinking in every inch of the life she once carried, committing a moment of time, which will be forever etched into her memory. And for a fleeting moment, the human limitations of understanding such an unconditional love, tries to squeeze in - but the spiritual emotion will not allow physical limitations to take one second of this very private moment. The writer lets us into one of her most personal, intimate experience and shares her over-whelming pride of her beautiful child. A truly heart-warming tribute.
Below is a few suggestions. Please remember these are just my suggestions and are intended to help. Please use or discard them as you see fit.
A couple of more categories, which you can add to the "Emotional" Category, are: Experience and Parenting - perhaps even Family and Relationship (which you can type into the tag word box). The more subcategories you have, the more of a chance others have to find your writing.
associated with my children, but the likeness
How, when a child sleeps, it is so undisturbed that nothing can wake it.
A child's sleep is so undisturbed, almost nothing will wake them.
My son is four years old. It is summer and he is tanned. He has his father’s dark, light mahogany, polished with gold shimmers, skin.
Consider combining these facts. I believe it will help the flow of the writing.
My four-year-old son has his father's light mahogany skin, which seems to glimmer with gold shimmers, from his summer time tan.
In bed, on crisp, white linen, his
Lying on crisp, white linen sheets, his
coal in the snow.
Locks are, it would seem professionally, pasted onto his forehead.
Locks of his hair seem to be professionally pasted onto his forehead.
His mouth is more full
Relaxed as they are they still pout a little as if he
His lips naturally fall into a relaxed pout, as if he
and I will, anew, marvel at my creation.
and I will marvel anew, at my creation.
I hope these suggestions helped some. Thank you once again for sharing such a beautiful moment with your readers.
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
Tracey
** Image ID #1647088 Unavailable **
|
|