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Review of No Escape  
Review by intuey
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
*Reading* Quite a chilling tale of a innocent man's last moments before being beheaded. By the sorrow of all of the executioners, and the way he died, it made it sound like maybe this was the end times? I'm not sure, as why would all the executioners and people all be mourning? It added extra character to the story, and made his innocent death seem even more sorrowful.

For the short length, you pack in a lot of emotion *Smile*

Below are some things you may wish to consider, should you decide to edit:

*Flower4* He knew it was true but would not accept it,he

He knew it was true, but he couldn't accept it. He


*Balloon2* in the damp and dreary place, destined

in this damp and dreary place. Destined

*Flower1* He wondered why, he

He wondered why? He

*Balloon3* door bruises and sprains he ignored.
door, ignoring the blue, purple and yellow bruises, that already covered his hands.

*Note3* crime that he did not commit(?)

*Note2* terrorfied

terrified

*Balloon3* where his soul would go, who he would meet, would it hurt?

where his soul would go, and who he would meet. Would it hurt?

*Flower1* The clock church clock

*Balloon2* god.

God.

*Exclaim* NICE JOB! *Exclaim*

I look forward to reading more from you. Welcome to WDC! If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to drop me a line. I'll be happy to help you all I can *Smile*

Tracey
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Review of Fishing With Dad  
Review by intuey
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Reading* Awwww ... this is truly a beautiful story. You did such a wonderful job of making the reader feel like they were there with you.

I love the pictures! It's so great to be able to see where this all took place. *Smile*

The tale of your little brother added a lot of character to the story as well. It was nice to see how much you enjoyed this fishing trip with your father - so much so that you weren't even going to let the antics of your little brother misbehaving bring you down.

Strong opening and a tender closing. Great job!

Tracey
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Review of The War At Home  
Review by intuey
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Reading* I'm glad you were able to get away. Some times that's the best thing for our growth: spiritually, mentally and emotionally. It's good to put some distance inbetween what has been troubling you, because it's easier to get a perspective on.

I'm glad to hear you're getting along better with your sisters now. I'm sorry your mom was so abusive. As someone who has been through abuse and neglect, I can certainly relate to your story about your parents.

The only difference is all of us siblings pulled together -- because each other was all we could rely on. So I'm blessed for that. Of course we all had our fights with each other -- verbally and yes, even physically. But we knew each other was there for each other when needed. I'm so sorry you didn't have that. But I am so thankful that you had your grandparents.

I hope now that you're older, you see that it doesn't matter, who got married before whom, who had the first baby, etc ...

You have to find acceptance with yourself, and know that even though it the support should come from our families, that it doesn't always work like that. We have to learn how to come to terms with things we have been through, so we can be happy with the rest of our lives. You are making your own family now *Heart*

Thank you for sharing yourself so intimately with us. I know that it wasn't easy, and I hope that it has helped you heal, at least some *Heart*

(((hugs)))
Tracey
404
404
Review by intuey
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Reading* This writing really pulled at my heart strings *Cry* I'm so sorry you were picked on so much. I know it truly does hurt. Even though I had a lot of friends, I went through a period in my life that I was teased also by quite a few people. Mostly older kids on the bus -- and a few at school would call me butterball (I was a little chubby, but not bad). Of course kids are sooo freaking cruel.

It felt soo wonderful when over a year in my life, I went from the person who got picked on, to a really cute teenager. The greatest revenge was just seeing the look on those who picked on me faces -- I was now prettier and had a cuter figure than most of them *Wink*

I know this took a lot of courage to write. And you never know how many people you may be helping. If just one bully sees this, and quits bullying, you may actually save someone's life. Bullying does hurt -- it hurts so bad that kids have took their life because of it.

I'm glad you turned into a beautiful person, though I believe you have always been a beautiful person *Heart*

(((hugs)))
Tracey
405
405
Review by intuey
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
*Reading* First off, I am sooo glad you are doing good after your surgery! I know that had to be sooo scary! *Heart* I hope you never have to go through anything remotely similar ever again!

I enjoyed reading about you -- I wish you had a pic attached, so we could see your beautifully, haunting eyes *Delight*

I'm like you as far as movies and music goes -- I have too many favorites to name them all -- and as far as music goes, it's sort of like my reading -- I enjoy all types (genres).

Thanks for letting us get to know you more *Bigsmile*

(((hugs)))
Tracey
406
406
Review of Fear of Flying  
Review by intuey
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*Reading* I loved this story *Bigsmile* It gave me chillbumps when the others started flying.

What a unique idea for a story. You've done a great job with the descriptions to make us feel like we are there while it was happening. You also did a wonderful job with the characterization.

The title is good and the description pulled me in to read.

I didn't notice any grammatical errors.

*Exclaim* GREAT JOB! *Exclaim*

Tracey
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Review of Whispers of Hope  
Review by intuey
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Reading* This definitely will pull at the reader's heart-strings. I too, have looked at those same images in books and T.V's and have been humbled and sometimes ashamed of what I sometimes considered being down on my luck, and ashame that I have been depressed with my life at times; while there are so many who would give their very lives to give their family a fraction of my good fortune. Many of us take for granted how much we truly are blessed.

We need to remember and help others, not only in other countries, but also in our own back yard, as much as we're able. Something that you may consider a small gesture, and feel you may not be doing enough, may be one of the biggest blessings a person in need will receive.

Read this and then do something more -- actually act on the feelings it leaves you with.

*Heart*
Tracey
intuey sig giraffes by jadeshark
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Review of Jared's Decision  
Review by intuey
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*Reading* This is a story which pulls on the reader's heart-strings, and can easily be the scene in many homes across the world.

The hurt and betrayal family and friends may feel when they find out 'a secret' from one who they felt they knew, often leads to words said out of shock and surprise which most usually wish they could take back.

This story takes us through a young man's secret being found out, and the reaction of his family. It leaves us wondering if all will turn out all right in the end - just as we are sometimes left wondering in real life.

I didn't find any mistakes or grammatical errors.

*Exclaim* WELL DONE! *Exclaim*

Tracey
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Review by intuey
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*Reading* You outdid yourself with this one. So passionate and strong. Your vivid descriptions has the reader's mind whirring with all of the emotions from Sam's senses.

The ending is quite surprising. A great little, unexpected twist. Awesome story.

I love the title, but by your description -- a teenager was the furtherest thing from my mind. It read as a grown, seductive man. I just don't see a teenager having that kind of mature seduction in one's mind. That's the only thing I didn't understand -- no where else, but in the description does it say a teenager -- even in the story's end, it sounds like a grown man. But maybe I missed something?

All and all an awesome, well told, powerfully descriptive and strong story!

Only one mistake I found:

*Note3* It’s because she’s too dull to see what’s right before him.

Shouldn't this be -- It's because she's too dull to see what's right before her.

*Exclaim* WRITE ON! *Exclaim*

Tracey
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Review by intuey
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Reading* I loved this story. It is well told and keeps you glued from the very first sentence.

I was cheering her on, but the whole time I kept saying to myself, "she shouldn't say anything to anyone -- just go!" What happens is really sad.

This story made me think of the real child labor places. It's a horrible fate that has fell upon many children's shoulders. Children should be allowed to just be a child. It's really sad when their childhood is stolen away from them.

*Exclaim* GREAT STORY! *Exclaim*

Tracey
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411
411
Review of Betty Lynn  
Review by intuey
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Reading* OMG! Great story from the prompt!

The writer takes you through the mind of a man in trouble working two jobs to support his money hungry wife. The story starts out strong and holds your attention all the way throughout. I love the point of view the story was told in.

My mouth dropped opened as he telephones his wife to tell her some horrible news -- the wife's reaction is almost comical in a disturbing way.

Drop on by and read this story, you won't be sorry *Smile*

*Exclaim* WELL DONE! *Exclaim*

Tracey
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Review by intuey
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Reading* This is a beautiful poem, Sherri. Your love and beautiful soul shines through your descriptive words.

My favorite stanza is the first one. It shows the depth of the gift and the reader can feel your trust which is so fragile being relinquished. Beautifully done.

I did get a little hung up on the last full stanza -- I think editing the second line and the last line will help quite a bit.

*Leaf4* Something nothing or no one can ever sever

This reads awkwardly following the first line -- too many 'ing' syllables, I think. I think it would go great with the flow just to say:

A gift no one can ever sever

*Flower2* And know that with it a soft and loving kiss is blown

Once again, too wordy with too many syllables. It disrupts the flow. Try something simpler, like:

For a love so strong is hardly known.
-or-
And hold tight sweet kisses tenderly blown.


Hope the suggestions help. It's a lovely poem. *Heart*

(((hugs)))
Tracey
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413
413
Review by intuey
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Reading* This is a cute poll. I think just about everyone snores at one time or another. I always wonder why people don't admit it *Laugh*

Snoring is fine, as long as you do it soft and gentle, like me *Wink* *Rolleyes* What's bad is when you wake yourself up from snoring lol. Or you make all those funny sounds like a cartoon skaaaa ...shooo...whistle...snort,snort...whistle...skaska...SHOOO (in that case I wouldn't admit it either)
*laugh*

Great poll with cute choices :)

Tracey
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Review of Movie Talk  
Review by intuey
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Reading* This is a fun forum and a great place to hang out especially for any movie lovers! The variety of movies listed is sure to attract many.

If you have watched a movie you're just dying to tell others about, and want to make sure others see it as well, this is the place to come and tell us all aobut it!

Are you wondering if a movie is any good? Just leave a post and ask if anyone has seen it yet.

A fun and creative idea. Make sure to stop by and add your input *Smile*

Tracey
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Review by intuey
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Reading* We down in the south *laugh* have a few words in common with Cincinnati, but reading the words from Pittsburgh was hilarious! I would have never guessed that people in the South and Pittsburgh talk so similar!

I could add on a few, like: waachatolkingbout? (what are you talking about?) ya'll (you all), etc ... People from the north usually say we have a lazy way of talking. I don't call it lazy, just taking short cuts *Laugh*

This was a cute, humorous look at how different parts of the country use slang. It brought a smile to my face.

One thing though, is there really a difference between "Don" and "Dawn"? I'm serious -- I always thought they were pronounced exactly the same *Laugh*

And as for my name, Tracey -- it drives me nuts, I guess I really have a southern draw, because when I'm talking on the phone to a business and I give them my name, they repeat it as Cha-ray-see *Rolleyes*

*Exclaim* KEEP WRITING! *Exclaim*

Tracey
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Review of Hidden Flower  
Review by intuey
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Reading* The author writes a wonderful analogy of a human's emotional state and a garden.

Just as we work and till in a garden to clean out the weeds which will choke the returning flowers; the author shows of how people in our lives, especially our other halves, help to nourish our souls and bring the good in us forward, while working with us to dispose of all the poisons which pollute our beings.

And if we do put some effort forth, we can too, no matter what age, feel new growth in us sprouting.

Beautiful job *Smile*

Tracey
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Review of Unseen  
Review by intuey
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*Reading* This is a great vampire story, based on a different country's lore of vampires.

{e"thumbsup} The writer entrances the reader with her great descriptions, pulling you into the story. She had me wondering what in the world all those dogs were about, and how they were going to play into the story. We find out at the end, and we're not disappointed. Great job.

*Thumbsdown* I found a few errors you may wish to fix:

*Leaf1* but if looked rustic

but it looked rustic

*Flower2* There were bones everyone

There were bones everywhere.

*Leaf3* get him in the forest.

get him into the forest.

*Exclaim* WRITE ON! *Exclaim*

Tracey
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418
Review by intuey
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Reading* *Laugh* I can soooo relate to this! I'm a coke-a-holic also *Laugh* Except mine, is actually pepsi -- but I drink usually what's the cheapest, and that's usually coke. lol

I love tea also, and I'm trying to do better, but man, it's hard.

I knew there was going to be a punch line, and I kept waiting for it. I almost cheated *Wink* Good job holding out until the last sentence!

Nicely done.

Tracey
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Review by intuey
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*Reading* This is a wonderful story. I love the way you presented it. The story leading up to your experience and what you learned on the trip, (and about yourself), was just as important to the writing, as the experience itself.

It sounds like you learned a lot about yourself during the trip. You were being very reflective of your thoughts -- and actions, (or lack, thereof) and consequences; and not only what that meant to you in the now, but also how deeply this would affect you in the future. You did a wonderful job of showing your thoughts and feelings, and how much this trip helped you in your growth and evolvement. *Smile*

I definitely agree with you -- I enjoy friends as well, but also need, (and crave), my time alone.

*Exclaim* GREAT JOB! KEEP WRITING! *Exclaim*

Tracey
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Review of Crossing Over  
Review by intuey
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Reading* This was truly a heart-touching piece. One anyone who has been through watching a loved one die, can definitely relate to.

Your tender words contrast with the stark reality of the physical changes is what truly struck my as unique and creative.

Your analogies help add passion to your words. This took me back to my father's death when I was thirteen. I would have never dreamed that my father, who was once so strong, built with muscles and just as strong of a character could shrivel down to what he did. So much so that a thirteen-year-old could hold him down in his bed, to keep him from getting up and hurting himself.

I like to believe their spirit has already fled by that time. Leaving nothing more than the shell on automatic.

Very nice job.

Tracey
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Review by intuey
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Reading* What a beautiful message. Thank you so much for sharing and reminding us to pay attention to all the things happening around us.

I have a few suggestions. I hope they help you, should you decide to edit:

*Balloon3* I think this sentence might sound a little better reworded a bit. Also, to should be too.

Sometimes things go to fast by us. *Smile*

Sometimes things go by us too fast. -OR-
Sometimes, things seem to go by too quickly.

*Flower2* go on through

*Balloon1* excpet

except

*Flower3* relize

realize

*Balloon2* obvoius.

obvious

*Flower2* up to fast

up too fast

*Balloon4* When your going

When you're going

*Flower2* who stand(s) up

*Balloon4* scheduale

schedule

*Flower2* eyes someone who doesn't yet no evil,

eyes of someone who doesn't yet know evil

When you submit your writing, you can find the spell checker at the top of the page :)

Welcome to WDC. We're so glad you joined us. If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to write *Smile*

Tracey
422
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Review by intuey
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Reading* I really like this. Though it is very short, it says so much. I love the words you used. The passion shines through. The vision of rainbows kissing your face, and breathing in the whole sky, is really beautiful.

Many times I have felt like I was watching my life go floating by, and wondered what it meant and if I was doing what I was suppose to be.

Nice job!

Tracey
423
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Review of Christmas Star  
Review by intuey
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Reading* This is a cute story. It would be a great story to read to a child who is moving away close at Christmas time.

You need to go edit the spacing. Your spacing is way off. You must have copied and pasted this -- it's a good idea to always check your item after pasteing.

I have a few suggestions below. These are just my suggestions. Please use them as you see fit.

*Flower3* Now this was very upsetting to Jake because he

would have to leave all of his friends and they were moving away from all his family.

This shows the spacing problem I was speaking of. Your whole story is like this. Also, you may want to reword this a bit:

Now this was upsetting to Jake because he was moving far away from all of his friends and family.

*Balloon4* Jake(')s Mom

*Flower2* nothing to worry

about because Santa

nothing to worry about. Santa

*Balloon3* Now Jake was a very resourceful young man and he decided that he would just

have to write Santa Claus a letter after they had found a new house to give Santa his new

address, however, Jake didn’t know Santa’s address.

Jake was a very resourceful young man. He decided that as soon as they were moved into their new home, he would write Santa with his new address. But Sadly, Jake realized he didn't know Santa's address.

*Flower3* they left for their new

town and new school and new house Jake

they left for their new town, school, and new home, Jake

*Balloon2* Jake

wondered and thinking for a long time Jake snapped his fingers and exclaimed,

Jake wondered for a long time. Snapping his fingers, he exclaimed,

*Flower3* Chris Cringle

I always thought this was spelled the old english way.
Kris Kringle (I'd look it up and make sure)

*Balloon4* Jake his Mom and Dad had seen what he was

doing and thought how best to rectify the situation.

Jake, his mom and dad (only cap when using in place of a name) had seen what he was doing; so they tried to decide what they could do to help him.

*Flower2* Jake’s Mom was little(,)

*Balloon1* explaining things decided

explaining thing, he decided

*Flower3* “Smells good(,) Mom.”

*Balloon4* “Mom(,) can I ask

*Flower3* pretty serious, have

pretty serious. Have

*Balloon3* after we

move so do you

after we move. Do you

*Flower1* “If you think that is the way to go about it then I would be more than happy to

help you, but, if you ask me I happen to know for a fact that Santa will be able to find

you regardless if you send him a letter or not.”


"If you think that's the best way to go about it, then I will be more than happy to help you. But if you ask me, I happen to know for a fact, that Santa will be able to find you whether you send him a letter or not."

“Mom you say that Santa can find us because of the star but

"Mom, you say that Santa can find us because of the star, but

*Flower3* had helped eases your

had helped eased your

*Balloon4* in the boxes(,) because

*Flower3* Christmas star or a Christmas angle
Christmas star, or a Christmas angel,

*Balloon4* “Okay well now I won’t worry about it any more.”

Okay. I'll try not to worry about it anymore."

*Flower3* little talk we had helped eases your mind now

little talk we had, helped to ease your mind. Now

*Balloon4* After to moving

*Flower2* “I know(,) but I

*Balloon1* and Grandma(,) so I

*Flower3* “Goodnight Jake(,) I love you.”

Tracey
424
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Review of Foster Parenting  
Review by intuey
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Reading* It indeed takes a very special person to be a foster parent. We all should treasure every single good one, who really does care. There are far too many horror stories of foster homes out there. I know a few from my own brother and sister.

Thank you so much for caring and showing these children that there are people out ther who will treat them right and love them. Your positive influence in their life is making a huge difference in their future. That is a gift one can never replace. *Heart*

Tracey
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Review of Highway to Hell  
Review by intuey
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Reading*Thank you for sharing your memories and thoughts with us. As I read, your emotions came through your words so strongly. I just want you to know how much we appreciate you and all the others who protect and fight for our country. I could only imagine the fear you must have felt inside, while having to keep a brave demeanor.

As you described the surroundings, it all seemed so surreal. That during a war, the citizens would let their children run around and they would be herding their animals. That's just so hard for us to imagine. It's really sad in a way that war and violence did not affect them more than it did, but I guess it's also their survival instincts kicking in, to keep them from going crazy. How horrible would it be to actually live in a place so violent, that it is an every day way of life? We are truly blessed.

And you're so right- America does have it's own monsters. *Frown*

Thanks for sharing this story and thank you for all you have done. *Heart*

Tracey
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