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Review Requests: OFF
1,038 Public Reviews Given
1,623 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I have a very straight forward reviewing style. I will tell you what I liked about the story and what I didn't. I will point out any errors that I noted as I read, but editing is not a strength of mine.
Favorite Genres
Erotica, dark drama
I will not review...
Poetry, non-fiction, Vore, Shrinking fiction, Gore or straight Horror
Public Reviews
Previous ... 6 7 8 9 -10- 11 12 ... Next
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Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Once again I find your work to be flawless. Not an error in sight.

The sad reality of Lena's life is unfortunately more wide spread then people would care to admit. You do an amazing job of portraying the disfunctional aspect of each member of the family here. The apathy of the parents towards the children seems to color all of life for thier children.

Another well written piece.

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Review of The Crimson Rose  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
The Crimson Rose is literary brilliance! I could not stop reading. I was leaning forward in my chair, my reading picking up speed as I breathlessly waited for the outcome of this tale.

I noted no errors of any kind and would not suggest changing a thing. If you have not submitted this for publication I strongly feel like you should consider doing so.

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Review of Color Blind  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Excellent piece of social commentary. It is truly pathetic that in this day and age skin color is still an issue. However, we would be fooling ourselves if we did not admit it was. The fact that one would be shunned for the one they fell in love with is heartbreaking. Happiness is a difficult thing to find and something one should hold onto when they find it, regardless of age, sex, religion or race.


Excellent piece with no errors noted.

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Review of Second Chance  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: E | (5.0)
Great story. I love the jumbled emotions that you convey in this piece. It is true that hurt too easily transforms to anger and bitterness. Vicky in her profession should have recognized the signs in him, preventing her from the pain she surely felt. The ending though expected, was touching as he learned something of himself and asked her forgiveness.

I did not find any mistakes nor do I have any suggestions to make this story better.

Well done.

{mage:1383609}

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Review of David's Tale  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
David's Tale is painful. The ease with which such horror can occur is terrifying to one and all, not least of all a parent.

I only noted one word that I questioned in the story and that was here... I simply questioned if the spelling should be *cum*

**I simply lay on the single bed, already stained with my come and his, watching him display himself to me**

At the begining of the story David is a teenager full of dreams and the simple joys of life. Slowly his captor strips all of this from him, damaging the young man in a way that the physical abuse can not begin to match.

The irony of the ending twisted my heart. Taking him back home to the life he knew...a different person...was more cruelty then gift.

Fabulous tale! You have an amazing gift.

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Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
An amusing piece you have here and I liked the news story style. Very well done. Using Danny DeVito...someone that a majority of the public is familiar with was a smart point of reference.

My favorite part was The Plucker's contention that plucking wedgies is a public service. LOL

I look forward to reading more of your work!

~Mara McBain
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Review of Roaches  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Greetings C. A. Langley and welcome to WDC!

Your initial offering here is a powerful one! Your intense, and sometimes sparse, use of wording kept me riveting to the screen from the first to the last.

The cockroaches were revolting. There cannot be many creatures large or small as reviled as they are.

Excellent descriptions when speaking of her child like a broken doll, face down on the floor. Her mother's horror as she shook the roaches from her baby was perfectly written.

I liked the twist to the reader’s emotions as she finds companionship and a form of happiness with David only for their next meeting with survivors to be disastrous. History supports your cannibalistic twist. *shivers*

*Note4* Only one small spelling error I noted for you ....**I stood perched on the final rung of the cranes arm and looked out at the world.** ((crane's))

The ending for me was perfect. Certainly the choice many of us would make. I loved the peace of her thoughts and her tiny companion.

I look forward to reading more of your work! Write on!


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Review of Alyson Purvis  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Scars and a warm welcome to WDC.

I truly sympathize with the loss of your friend. True friends are hard to come by and something to treasure.

I love your tribute to her. Your words come across genuine and heartfelt.

There are a few things that I would suggest in order to really make your touching sentiments shine.

*Note4* You might consider spacing the stanzas for both ease of reading, and to give each more impact.

*Note4* put a space between the words Left and behind. I truly do not feel this will lesson the work or make the reader stumble.

*Note4* "People commit a felonies" the word "a" is not needed here.

I hope that this helps. Good luck and my prayers are with you.

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Review of Usefull tip  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: ASR | (1.0)
To each their own style, Kerdonkulus. However, a world without adjectives would be a gray and lifeless place in my opinion.

A few spelling errors that I thought I would point out to you...

usefull ... useful and streach ...I believe you want stretch.

Good luck!

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Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: E | (4.5)
Cute holiday piece that I believe most of us can relate to...women in particular ...giggles.

I found no errors in reading this piece and my only suggestion might be free samples. lol

You did a tantalizing job of describing each piece of chocolate with all of the senses, making me reach for the candy jar!

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Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
A perfect glimpse at a fascinating part of history. I loved her thoughts wandering to the rich food stuffs she was used to and the poor substitute leaving her queasy. The comparison between her stomachs content and her own imprisonment.

**The condemned Queen’s dainty whitewashed fingers trembled as she caressed the nape of her smooth, unblemished neck.**

Beautiful and moving description!

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
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Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: E | (4.0)
Most of the time if I have taken the time to read something then I will rate and review. The exceptions tend to be when I can think of nothing constructive to offer or I can not find an upside. I will not leave a review that merely says "this sucks" when the piece is riddled with errors. I need to have a positive of some kind or I will say nothing at all.

On the other hand I have struggled at times on a piece with zero errors that just didn't move me at all. What do you say? NO errors...no suggestions...no feeling what so ever????

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
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Review of A shopping bag  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a story that could happen any day of the year but seems do prelevant at the holidays. Sometimes I wonder if our hearts just soften that time of year, making us open our eyes and take more notice.

The little girl offering up the simple help of a new bag is very touching. I also think it was so smart to have the child offer instead of the father. It is easier to accept a childs offer in the spirit intended and there is less threat from a child.

I only saw the one spelling error...

*Note4* As she bumped apologetically passed ((past))the busy shoppers, she felt the rain trickle down the neck of her old wool coat.

Great story. Write on!

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Review of The Box  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hello Cymrunian Wallace and a warm welcome to WDC!

I loved the sentiment of your poem...

"But from coal comes diamonds
Which shows there is beauty in every little thing"

That is beautiful.

I think that there is more that you could so with this piece. It is very short and rather abrupt. You might consider working with it a bit more and fleshing out what you have.

Good luck!

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Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Bubba & Scooter's Mom and welcome to WDC! I love the name! *giggles*

No Pizza for Puppies is a fun and amusing piece of work. It was a hit with my son and husband, but not so big with our "puppy". LOL

I did not note any errors and have no suggestions for improvement. Keep up the good work!

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Review of coffee disaster  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: E | (2.0)
Hello mysoulscompass and a warm welcome to WDC!

Your title tweaked my curiosity and upon reading your amusing tale, I am so glad it did. Though not a coffee drinker myself I have One dear to me that this scenario fits to a T! LOL

There were quite a few spelling, format, and punctuation errors that I noted as I read through. Punctuation is not my strongest point. However, I will do what I can to help.

*Note4* you all know how crutial your first cup of coffee is ((crucial))

*Note4* though it seems like a true need its only ((it's)

*Note4* So if your anything like me its top on your morning agenda,not too much will be accomplished untill the ritual of brewing is complete. ((space after agenda,)) ((until))

*Note4* ,( theyve always gotten along so well!) A crockpot, and the niffty red Kitchen Aid pots and pans. All together they sit nice and organized on an island of thier own. ((They've)) (( Try putting the two sentences into one as the first is a fragment ...for example ... A crockpot, nifty red kitchen aid, and assorted pots and pans all sit nicely organized on an island of their own.))

*Note4* always been such a nice set up.As the ritual goes, grounds in the filter,filter in the basket,water in the ((a space is needed after... up. filter, and basket, ))

*Note4* However, today something wasnt quite right. There wasnt a pleasant aroma filling the air, and the gurgling usually heard during the completion of a pot sounded more like moans from something sick! ((The first sentence is a fragment and up to you to fix or not as people do not always think or speak in complete sentences)) ((wasn't))

*Note4* I couldnt quite make out the disaster in its entirety. ((couldn't))

*Note4* As it comes into complete focus I couldnt quite belive my eyes! ((couldn't .....believe))

*Note4* across the station drownding everything in its path.My ((drowning ... put a space between path. and My))

*Note4* began to clean up the mess.I couldnt quite get over it and knew I wouldnt for days to come. ((space between mess. and I ..couldn't ...wouldn't))

*Note4* element of surprize but more than that, Why? Why would someone design a machine thats put to use the majority of the time first thing in the morning with a mechanism that has to line up just perfect or else? Isnt the whole idea behind the caffine in the coffee to wake us up so we are able to line the important things up in our day? ((surprise ...that's ....Isn't ...caffeine))

I have tried to point out the corrections that I noted off the top of my head. One thing to think on is that a majority of these, if not all, would be caught by a good word processor. Mistakes like these take away from good content. If you take a look at these things I believe you can really make your story shine!

Good luck and write on!!

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Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
A Minicourse in Intercourse is an excellent example of how confusing the English language can be! LOL Massive misunderstandings happen everyday just because our language is so imprecise at times.

I did not note any errors in this amusing piece nor do I have any suggestions that could improve upon it. Thank you for a good giggle today!

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Review of Monkey Wind  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello there Muddy doodlebug and a warm welcome to WDC!

I thoroughly enjoyed the fun loving simplicity of "Monkey Wind". A smile graced my lips from the first word to the last.

If this is an example, you have a genuine talent for the type of writing that will grab a child’s imagination, bringing a smile and those delightful giggles that only a child gives.

I have added your name to my favorites and look forward to reading more of your work!

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Review of The Visitors  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Mandagore!

I couldn't resist taking a peek at your tale after reading the description. I have been a big fan of Tolkien and LOTR since I was a preteen.

You did an excellent job capturing the sweet simplicity of Hobbits and their lifestyle. Barrelsitter's pipe and his repeated comment... "he is from away, y'know" fit right in, helping develop the character's personality even in this short piece.

I did not note any errors or have any suggestions for improvement.

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Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Laina and welcome to WDC!

I love the start to In Destiny's Arms. The intensity of the attraction between the young people is palable.

I found no errors to point out.

When reading this I was impressed with your ability to write believeable teenagers, capturing both their teen angst and the teasing comaraderie. That was until I peeked at your BIO for your age. I applaud you on the maturity of your writing style! I would not have guessed you so young. I pray you take this as the compliment it is intended.

Good luck and I look forward to reading more of your work!

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Review of She  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
A beautiful and sensual choice of topic for this piece. Few I think will understand the joy of service.

There were a few of the rhymes I found a bit questioning, however I will also admit to being no poet!

Thank you for sharing here and the guts it takes to be yourself.

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Review of The Rookie  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: E | (4.0)
The Rookie was a classic and time-honored inspirational sports story. It was refreshing to see Hockey take a front seat for a change.

I only noted one spelling error and it is one I am guilty of as well..

*Note4* “Alright, boys, the preseason jitters are over. ((All right)

The story was well written. You obviously know your hockey, the jargon making it real for the knowledgeable reader.

Good luck and GO LEAFS!

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Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
The Smallest Office was a very humorous bit of social commentary and one that everyone can relate to.

A few spelling errors that I noted ...

*Note4* As if by some homing instinct some other f***er suddenly decides that now is the time for them to disgorge the reheated vegetable lasagne ((lasagna))from lunch. You hear them come into the cubicle next to you.

*Note4* . Anywehere else. ((Anywhere))

*Note4* I have a cooktop at home that is fitted with a downdraft ventilation system to remove cooking smells. ((I believe cook top should be two words))

(e:note4} Instead we get a stupid dispenser in the corner which occasionally, for no apparent reason, makes a small grating noise and emits a tiny amount of some alleged air freshener. ((You might want to take a look at puncuation here. I believe there should be a comma after instead...and another after corner))

Again I think that you should take a look at the rating you have chosen and "perhaps" think of changing it.

You are very talented. Your writing draws laughter from the everyday mundane. I hope that my review can be helpful to you. I have added you to my favorites list and look forward to reading more from you!

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
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Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
You are very talented and I can see why this piece has been rewarded.

Very well written! Not being a poetry expert by any long stretch, I won't try to go into technicalities, However I enjoyed it!

Good luck and keep writing!

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
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Review of The Duck Park  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello MaSeSaRa and welcome to WDC. I hope that you will settle in here and find it as much a second home as I have.

The Duck Park is a lovely little piece that seems to exude the same serenity you find is this little oasis in the middle of the city bustle.

Excellent job of expression and I hope to read more of your work soon.

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
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