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Review Requests: ON
3,152 Public Reviews Given
3,200 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Casual for the most part. I will point out errors I see and offer suggested corrections. I like to focus on the content and formatting of the item. I love providing helpful comments and feedback that may improve the item if acted on.
I'm good at...
I like to provide suggestions to the author on things I see that may need a second look. I'm not afraid to do a little research to verify a poem's format, or the contents of a story (if requested).
Favorite Genres
Mystery, Horror, Sci-Fi, Comedy, and Suspense
Least Favorite Genres
Honestly, I will read anything if asked. I just prefer those listed above.
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, novellas, books (though a review of that may take days/weeks due to my schedule), Poetry of any format.
Least Favorite Item Types
I find non-structured poetry difficult to review, unless there is a short disclaimer about this non-structure that would help in understanding the reason it's in that particular format.
I will not review...
I'm not interested in Vore, In and Out's, Growing/Shrinking, or other items that are similar to one of these.
Public Reviews
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276
276
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Hey Jill,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 16th WDC Anniversary!

         I find stories like this to be so special. You meet someone you never expected to meet, and learn they are really someone special. Your story made me look this man up using Google; I was surprised and pleased to learn he did exist, and was the 'King of The Hoboes'!







         I have to confess, this is a person I'd love to have met, and had a cup of coffee with. Your story made him very interesting to me; I could see why toddlers would flock to his side. What an amazing man he must have been. I hope you still have that autograph. It's something I'd never get rid of intentionally. This is well written, loved the story you told. Thank you for sharing!



Sum1

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277
277
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
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Hey KMH,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 7th WDC Anniversary!

         This is an interesting article, and sort of follows the theme of a story I read long ago. Well, it doesn't follow it really, but it's a bit like it in my eyes. In the story, a man died, but was resuscitated. However, he 'woke' screaming', begging them to let him die, saying he has already spent his time in hell. So, 'living' on Earth is really being in Hell. Dying is having served your time, and being allowed to rise to Heaven. I agree with your idea, and wonder what's really there for us when we die. Well written, thank you for sharing!



Sum1

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278
278
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hey Bianca,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 13th WDC Anniversary!

         This is a cute story about aliens who take your knitting to keep them warm. At first it was a pair of socks, then it was a note from them asking for help with baby items. Are you sure they were aliens, and not just ordinary thieves? *Smile*

         You have this listed as sci-fi and craft, but I think you should add comedy to it. It's a little funny, and very cute. At least I found humor in it.

         A little of your dialog seems a little off, but considering you're from The Netherlands and English is not your native tongue, you've done well. So I won't comment on that.

         As far as comedy goes, I loved the part about your children wondering what you were doing when you placed all the small items in a laundry basket on the table and left them there. If I was one of them, I'd have thought 'Mom's lost it!'... *Laugh*

         You let us hanging with your ending, but I loved it. Fit in the story, and makes us wonder if they ever returned. Thank you for sharing!



Sum1

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279
279
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hey Intuey!
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 15th WDC Anniversary!

         An excellent take on a life after death experience.... I loved this, but found I want to know more about what happened to your main character. It sounds like she may have had an asthma attack or something similar.

         I really liked the reference to the rabbit hole and how your character fell into it. Her guardian angel was nice, but the grandfather was the key for me. It seemed you sent her back far too soon though, at least for me. I would like to have seen her meet more from her past, more of her family. Just a thought....

         Your character's return to the 'real' world was excellent and well paced. And the topper of it all, was the last paragraph. Excellent! Thank you for sharing!




Sum1

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280
280
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hey Amy,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 11th WDC Anniversary!

         I love taking a famous verse and putting my own words to it. Love it when someone else does it too, and does it well, which you've done here. The flow of this is very good, the rhyme scheme spot on. At first, I thought the rhythm was a little off in a couple of places, but second reading revealed the truth. *Smile* The rhythm is 11 syllables per line for the most part, but never varying by more than one syllable from that. For me, that's almost perfect for a poem not following a strict structure, like a Kyrielle.

         I also loved the theme of this, getting ready for Nanowrimo. I've never participated in Nano, mainly because I know I cannot type that many words consistently each day, unless I have something planned out. Maybe when I retire I can sit back and do it, we'll see. A well written poem with a nice flow, thank you for sharing!



Sum1

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281
281
Review of A little Tale  
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hey Tmy,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 16th WDC Anniversary!

         This is an excellent start to a story, but you need to finish it! *Smile*

         I love the idea of a Phoenix, bursting to flames, then rising from ashes. You portray it well, but left me wondering why it chose to land on the windowsill near the small boy, only to burst into flames, its ashes scattering in the breeze. Excellent start, but then you left us high and dry, with no real completion to the story. I have one comment on it too, other than it needs to be completed. It's at the end, when you write, "(2 b contd). That is very amateurish, very inane. If I may make a suggestion, at the beginning of the story, tell the reader that it's a work in progress. It will come across to most reader much better.



Sum1

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282
282
Review of The God Complex  
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
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Hey
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 17th WDC Anniversary!

         I really enjoyed this story! Your plot/storyline was a little new, at least it had a new twist. The flow was good, and your descriptions of President Anderson made me dislike him from the start! But liking or disliking a character means you've done well in writing about them, good job there!

         I did think your early descriptions of President Andersen were a bit over the top. It was almost like you felt the need to get these out of the way early, so you could concentrate on telling the story. It would be better to bring them out gradually as you relate the story.

         Though I enjoyed the story quite a bit, it is rife with misspellings and inconsistencies. I've noted them below in general comments.



Title:  Excellent for this story.




Description:  Very good, it drew me in to read this.




Grammar:  This needs quite a bit of work. I've noted things I saw in General Comments below.



General Comments:  

1. He imagined the new problems such a role would bring with it and the new tones of voice required to explain his new initiatives to a sceptical public. Sceptical should be skeptical.

2. 'Mr. President? The Olivegrians are ready now.' Some intern said. Later in the story, you call them Oliverians. Which is it really?

3. The crowd were stunned into silence now, something Anderson had never thought he'd see in the Press Gang. Were should be was. If you wanted to use were, then crowd should be crowds.

4. He liked this guy's Style. Style should not be capitalized.

5. 'Questions will be answered later after we have had chance to brief our friends to the way our free press works.' He said. There's a small edit needed here. You left our the word the or a, between had chance. 'Questions will be answered later after we have had the chance to brief our friends on the way our free press works.' He said. Also, friends on, not friends to.

6. Lux forged on; aware he may have unintentionally offended his host. Earlier, the President called the alien Ux. If he had said his name was Uxel, there is no way the President would risk alienating a new relationship by shortening the name, even if he is a Southern S.O.B. And in this sentence, you call him Lux, another changing of the alien's name....

7. There was a whole universe of profits out there to be exploited and he was sure his big business backers, despite their protestations of religiosity, would rather loose God than loose a buck. Loose should be lose. The sentence does not make sense as written using the word loose twice. You use loose a few more times throughout the story.

8. believers simply would not want to be cured even if we could do it. Believers should be capitalized since it's the start of a new sentence.



Overall impressions:  An interesting story, it makes one stop and think. Thank you for sharing!




Sum1

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283
283
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
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Hey Melizabeth,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 17th WDC Anniversary!

         For being written while in high school, this is very good. I like the flow of it, and especially the story it relates. But while I like the poem, I think it could benefit from a little bit of editing TLC. If I may offer a couple pieces of advice on it.


1. Center the poem on the page. A short poem like this would look better centered. Just an opinion.

2. You use the word 'always' five or six times in this poem. Again, being so short, it really calls attention to the word, and detracts from the read. Three out of four lines in one verse is definitely a bit much.


         A good poem that just needs a little tweaking to allow it to be stronger, and stand out from others.



Sum1

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284
284
Review of The Dreamer  
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
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Hey Dreambeliever
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 17th WDC Anniversary! WOW!! SEVENTEEN Years!

         This is a pretty short story, but you warned us in your description that it was short. I love the images you paint in the readers mind as the story unfolds. It can be a bit hard to follow though, because you mention reality in several instances. An example, is the second paragraph the flame flickers in reality, but then her dream creates a reality of its own. Your last line also includes a reference to a reality, so I was left asking which was the actual reality. Not a big issue really, but it could be confusing to some.

         This is good story of a dream; it can really make you think about things....



Sum1

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285
285
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hey Dragonbane,
         Thank you for requesting a review of this story. I only hope my comments can help you improve this if improvement is needed.


         This is a good story about a ghost hunter hired to investigate a haunted house.
Tom became a ghost hunter after losing his wife to cancer about five years previously. The flow and dialog work well to help the story flow. Your descriptions of the house and Eleanor were excellent. However, there are a few things you might want to consider, should you decide to edit this.


Title:  Excellent, I love the title, it fits the story well.



Description:  You have 90 characters to use here, give a reader a little more description about this. After all, your genre's already tell the reader that it's 'Ghost'and 'Supernatural'.



Grammar:  Your grammar is good, but your use of punctuation and run on sentences make this a laborious read at times. I will point out a couple instances of those below.




My Favorite Part:  The end, it fits, and makes one think a little.





General Comments:  

1. You tend to use run-on sentences quite a bit. Most could be broken into two or more, some just need comma's to help them out. Here's an example. Tom looked around as he set his equipment down, the room was a large sitting come dining room, an eight sitter dining table stood in the middle of the room at the side wall a hearth with a log fire burned. This should be broken into at least three separate sentences. Here's an example of a modified form of the sentence. Tom looked around as he set his equipment down. The room was a large sitting room that merged into the dining room. The middle of the dining room was dominated by dining table that would seat eight. On one side wall, a hearth with a log fire burned.

2. Look at comma usage. There are numerous places where comma's are needed to break up a sentence.

3. Look at your use of quotation marks. There's at least one sentence that needs closing quotation marks. Additionally, this section really needs to be broken into several sentences. ‘What kind of manifestation is it you have been having, I mean is it rattling chains noises apparitions that sort of thing? Tom asked he couldn’t quite keep the scepticism from his voice; he hoped Eleanor hadn’t noticed she was a very gracious hostess and charming company. Here's my thoughts on this paragraph. "What kind of manifestation have you been having, I mean is it rattling chains, noises, apparitions? I'm just looking for a little more information here is all." Tom asked. He couldn’t quite keep the skepticism from his voice, something he hoped Eleanor hadn’t noticed. She was a very gracious hostess and charming company. You'll notice I changed it to double quotation marks instead of single (this usage depends on what part of the world you're from, and which grammar rules you adhere to), changed the spelling on skepticism (again, depends on which 'version' of English you use, and added comma's and other punctuation as needed. Kindly use punctuation as you would for your area of the world.

4. Your segue from Tom seeing the note from Eleanor to him being on the motoroway is a bit abrupt. There's no mention of him leaving the house, his thoughts on seeing the note from Eleanor that mentions his wife, etc. I would think that seeing that note would move him to tears, causing him to sit down momentarily and reflect on things.



Overall impressions:  A nice ghost story. Not scary really, but I don't think it's meant to be. It does need a little editing TLC. Thank you for sharing!



Sum1

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286
286
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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Hey Jeannie,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 7th WDC Anniversary!

         This is a heartwarming story of a lost photograph, and how Jacqueline and Rhonda find the owner, and help her locate her birth family. The flow is good, but some of the dialog seems a little disjointed at times. Don't get me wrong, it's good, the dialog just doesn't seem realistic at times. Then again, as I read it, I got the impression it would be a nice children's story too. You don't have it listed as one, but it could be. I'd say it's more of a juvenile story though, not a true children's story.

         You kind of jump into the story with Jacqueline finding the photograph on the street. It's not until a bit later that we learn Jackie and Rhonda work together at the local newspaper. A little background might help here. You may have written this for a contest, and were under a word count limit. Or maybe you just didn't consider providing a background for them. It's not a necessity, just something I thought would help.

         There are a few things you might want to look at though, should you consider editing this. I've listed what I saw below....



General Comments:  

1. Okay, is it Allen Wiese, or Alan Wiese? You use both versions of Alan/Allen in the story.

2. "I have to say, I was quite a surprise and shocked to see our family's picture in The Daily Star! Surprise should be surprised.

3. Rhonda hung up, then punched in Jackie's number. This part confused me at first, because I didn't remember a Jackie being in the story. Then I remembered one of your characters was named Jacqueline. You might want to consider mentioning that Rhonda calls her Jackie at times....

4. Early on in the story, R.L. Knight tells Jacqueline how still the children sat for the mysterious photo, later one when Susan, Rhonda, & Jacqueline meet with Emily and Alfred, Emily tells them that their mother took the picture, then followed that with a trip to a beach and ice cream. So, who snapped the photo?

5. Jacqueline go up with Rhonda following suit. I think go should be got.


         This is a good story, with a nice flow to it. It does flow fast, then again, it is a short story. Thank you for sharing!



Sum1

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287
287
Review of Beautiful Fall  
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hey QPDoll,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 15th WDC Anniversary!

         I love the myriad forms of Poetry, the Rubaiyat is one that can be challenging, but beautiful to read. This one is nice, I loved the flow, the images you painted in my mind as I read it. It did make me pause quite a bit, and do a little research.

         First, I had to know what a Rubaiyat poem should consist of, and yours does well there. I've never written a Rubaiyat, but may now that I know what it should be. The second thing I did, was look up loosestrife. I thought that was a misused word, or misspelled word. You can imagine I was surprised to learn it's a flowering, invasive weed like plant. Excellent work there, making a reader do a little research about your poem! I do wonder though, about your line of As I walk along loosestrife. Since it is considered an 'exotic weed' here in Illinois, I have to wonder why you'd walk 'loosestrife', and not walk in the loosestrife. Actually, I wonder why you didn't pull it up, lol. This is the link I used to read about loosestrife. http://wwx.inhs.illinois.edu/research/vmg/ploosest...

         The wording of that line bothers me a little. As I walk along loosestrife as written does not make much sense. That's why I suggested adding the word in, or among to that line, I'm just not sure if that would affect the flow of the poem, or allow it to still fit the format of a Rubaiyat.


         This was a beautiful poem to read, thank you for sharing!




Sum1

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288
288
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Hey Mountain,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 5th WDC Anniversary!

         Wow, this is quite a different take on a story! I loved the idea of 'Aye', and how he 'interviewed' Harold. We find out as we read the story that Harold isn't quite the ultra religious man he purported to be. Matter of fact, he's not a person I would want to associate with.

         Your idea here, about what happens to us after we die, or pass on, is excellent. I wrote a somewhat similar story a while back, but it was a silly one compared to this. It was good, but not good enough if you ask me. Aye seemed like a guide of sorts, or maybe like St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, ensuring we lived a pure enough life to be allowed entry to Heaven. I have always found that idea a bit off, perhaps that's why I've never been overly religious.

         This is well written, the flow and pace of the story were excellent. The dialog was good, realistic for the most part, and helped carry the story along. I think that last paragraph though, needs quotation marks.

1. Deep breaths, Harold. Remember his name is Robin. If you look close enough, you will find that your souls already know each other. At first, I thought Harold was thinking this to himself. But that last line seems to imply that this was Aye, reminding Harold of his son, and how they would connect.


         An excellent story, I loved the flow and idea of it. Thank you for sharing!



Sum1

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289
289
Review of INTO THE BONEYARD  
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Hey Bear,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 10th WDC Anniversary!

         I like stories that make you think. And while this one didn't get me really thinking, I enjoyed the flow of it. I had a good suspicion where you were going with this, but that didn't stop me from enjoying it.

         The story flows well, but you might want to look at your dialog some. There are points where it's unclear who is talking. The part highlighted below is one, and the paragraph right after it also. Some of your descriptions about Tracy and Billy leaving in the car seemed a bit off too. I don't want to pick it apart, I liked the story too much to do that. But look at it with a critical eye, you'll see what I'm talking about.


1. Perhaps he was more mature then the others or just more streetwise. Then should be than.

2. "The graveyard silly: you never heard it called that? She was making fun of Billy intentionally so as to not give up the control she had over him. That's what we call it from where I am from." This is two episodes of dialog from Tracy, with a short sentence in between. You're missing closing quotation marks on the first line, and opening quotation marks on the second.


         Overall, it was a nice read on a dark morning.... thank you for sharing!


Sum1

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290
290
Review of The Jesus Lizard  
Review by Sum1
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hey Nixie,
         Another review for your package purchase in the
The Four Seasons Auction and Raffle  [E]
A time to celebrate the four seasons.
by LegendaryMask❤️
. This is a story I could really relate to! Not because I ever had an pet like a lizard, nor did my children. But it's something I always wanted, but was never allowed to have. Except my favorite pet to get, in my mind, was a snake. Oh well.

         I don't know how long ago this took place, but it seems only too obvious to me that if you buy an exotic pet, you do a little research about it on the Internet. This could have saved you a lot of time talking to people like 'Tracks'. *Smile* Yet when I think about it, I'm not sure I'd want to frequent a store that had employees with those kind of marks on their arms. Even if my children weren't with me, I wouldn't frequent it.

         This is well done, you described your reactions to feeding the lizard well. I laughed at times to your reactions. Not to make fun of you, but thinking in my mind, 'Better You Than Me'. Pinkies, Crickets, Vitamin C coated or not. Yuck is about all I can say to that.

         Along with describing your reactions to what you fed the lizard, I loved your descriptions of the employees. Also the idea of a 'six pack', crickets in a bag, frozen pinkies, etc. Your mention of shake n bake taking on a whole new meaning really got to me. You also wrote something here that I have trouble writing myself. Slang dialog, such as, "When's you bring 'em home, just toss 'em in the cage. Might wanna turn 'round though, it gits kinda messy." That kind of stuff just gives me major issues, so I stick to 'normal speech', lol. (You should have bought that Python, but I know you'd have a major problem feeding it live rabbits).

         I don't really have any suggestions for this one. It's well written, I loved the flow of it, the dialog was realistic, and your descriptions spot on. I do wonder where you lived when all this occurred.... Florida? By the way, you could have been living in Hawaii with this going on, and fed the lizard those TWO INCH roaches they have there. You know, the one's that jump, and can fly short distances? *Laugh* Oh wait, they may not allow lizards like that in Hawaii. Well done with this, thank you for sharing!



Sum1



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291
291
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Hey Bill,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 8th WDC Anniversary!

         I love Flash Fiction, I wish I wrote more of it. This one is excellent, you had me thinking along one train of thought, but you took it on another. The twist at the end is excellent, and just shows how technology can cause people to do things they probably wouldn't otherwise do. At least I hope so.

         In reading your description, I thought George's grandson was a small child. Just goes to show what an assumption can do, huh. I loved the flow of this. Sometimes, flash fiction can seem to run too fast, the author trying to put too much in so few words. This one was excellent. However, I did see one small thing you may want to look at, should you consider editing this.


1. Jayden fidgeted with his blue tooth ear attachment. I think Bluetooth is one word....


Sum1

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Review by Sum1
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Hey Nicola,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 11th WDC Anniversary!

         I have to admit, you had me wondering where this was going, and it kept me reading. But that's the point then, right? Get the reader to reader it completely, and enjoy it. I did both.

         Well written, the plot was good, the flow a bit slow at times, but it needed to be in my opinion. We've all been in a rut, where we can't write, or maybe our must is sitting silently letting us pine the days away. Mine is doing that right now, with a long story (book/novel?) that I started. Real life, in the form of work and just being me hasn't helped either.

         I think the thing about this story, is that it teaches us once again, to think outside the box. Write something we've not written, start a new project, do anything, as long as it's a writing task! *Smile* Maybe I can work on something new, we'll see. Anything is better than technical writing, or sending reviews. Thank you for sharing!



Sum1

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Review by Sum1
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Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
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Hey Pennywise
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 12th WDC Anniversary!

         With a name like Pennywise, and being a big Stephen King fan, I had to stop by to wish you a Happy WDC Anniversary, and see if you wrote horror at all. I wasn't disappointed.

         A good story, good premise, but for me, the plot flowed too fast. I would like to have learned more about Beverly, more interaction between her and Karamazov. But then, I didn't write this, huh.

         If I may offer a couple of suggestions though, in case you want to lengthen it a little. First, a little more with Beverly. The initial interview, her feeling troubled by Karamazov's answers, perhaps a second and third interview. The PI is brought in by her to watch over her, because she's fearful. A third interview and it picks up where you have it now. Just a little build up is all. But, that might ruin the quickness of this, how it flows so fast and well.

         I did see one time though, where you spelled Karamazov as Karamzov. Intentional? It's at the end, as the zombie Karamazov's are dancing towards him as he fires the Ruger....




Sum1

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Review of Iraqi Woman  
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hey Deborah,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 12th WDC Anniversary!

         Since joining WDC, I've learned so much about the various forms of poetry, and love the challenge when presented with a new form. I really like this form, and your poem. One of the main reasons for this is because your poem tells a story, while keeping to a prescribed format. Almost. More about that later.

         I've never heard of the Burns Stanza, so I had to look it up. Interesting format, even more interesting that it's now named after Robert Burns, when it was originally called a Standard Habbie.

         Your poem speaks of the perils of living in a country during wartime. She has faced the enemy many times, and now it seems they have cornered her. Very sad, but things like this happen every day on this planet we call Earth. I would like to provide you a little feedback on it, if I may.



Title:  In the poem itself, your title is 'Iraqi Woman', but the title a reader sees when they click on it, is Iraqy Woman. I believer Iraqi is the correct spelling.




Description:  One has to wonder why it's your last Burns Stanza. It can be very beautiful, descriptive. I did not see a syllable format, only a rhyme format when I did a little research on it. Why don't you tell your readers a little bit about this poem in the description?




Rhyme/Rhythm:  Your rhythm is excellent, I loved the shorter lines that gave the reader pause.




General Comments:  

1. The spelling of the title of the item on WDC. Iraqy vs Iraqi. You may want to consider changing it if you choose to edit this.

2. You did not adhere completely to the Burns Stanza requirements in this. A Burns Stanza should have an aaabab rhyme format, but your first verse is aabcbc. The second stanza is fine as written; it follows the Burns Stanza requirements.



Overall impressions:  A very interesting, albeit sad, poem about life in a country that is experiencing war. Well done, thank you for sharing!




Sum1

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Review of Life At My House  
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hey Shaara,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 15th WDC Anniversary!

         This is very cute! I loved your descriptions of both the family pets, as well as your siblings. But for me, the topping on the cake (so-to-speak) was the food your mother prepared. I have to say, I'd like to have at least tried it. Might have had me back a second time, who knows?

         If this is a true story, you had quite the upbringing. I find myself wondering what you feed your family now! *Smile* The forest salads intrigue me, I have to confess that. Very well done here; I really enjoyed this story. Thank you for sharing.



Sum1

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Review by Sum1
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hey Lori,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 7th WDC Anniversary!

         It's a good thing we don't let our memories rule our lives, huh. A nice story about a young girl whose memories of her childhood seem to haunt her at odd times. I do find myself wondering why she would want to remember that address, since it seemed to bring back dark memories of an unloving life. But that's how I am, not how your character is, huh? *Smile*

         I really enjoyed this story, this small trek down memory lane so-to-speak, but it does need a bit of editing. I won't go into details with you on this, but it needs a little bit of grammar work in the form of comma's, shortening run-on sentences, etc. If you were to copy this into a word document, then run a spell check/grammar check on it, I think you'd see most of these small issues corrected.

         I find myself wondering, is Laura, Lori? Don't answer, there's no need to. Just my mind wandering around the ether in the pre-dawn morning.... *Smile* Well done, thank you for sharing.




Sum1

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Review of Red Rover  
Review by Sum1
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Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
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Hey
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your WDC Anniversary!

         This is a good start to a much long work, but it really needs updating, and editing! I'd love to read more, or to do a 'Vulcan Mind Meld' with you, and know where you will take this story.

         While the story itself is very interesting, there's a bit that seems off. If this building is underwater, and slowly flooding, then it would flood until it could ride no higher due to the air pressure holding it back. But office buildings aren't air tight, so it would flood completely, drowning John (See my first comment below).

         There were a few areas in the story where you got 'wordy'. Not run-on sentences, but you used way too many words to describe a simple situation. You might want to go through this carefully, and see if you can correct those.

         Be careful when describing ocean creatures. Sure, Tuna are a fish, but you would not call them Tuna Fish, just Tuna. And a whale shark? Whale sharks are not native to the area around Houston. Yes, this is 30 years or so in the future, but it seems improbable that they would have moved to this area so soon. My last comment? This may be a WIP, and that's fine, but you should still give a reader some idea of what to expect in the description.



1. When John woke, he was in a building that is underwater. If he was more than about 30 feet underwater, he wouldn't be able to see very far, definitely not as far as you've mentioned here. Office buildings aren't necessarily watertight either, so your main character would be dead from drowning instead of waking with water covering the floor. Additionally, since the rest of the city is damaged, it seems at least one window of this building would have been broken, resulting in severe flooding.

2. He was still dressed in his hospital gown, so he closed it up in the back and tied it shut with. Tied the gown shut with what?

2. A whale shark swam lazily past the remains of an 18-wheeler still hanging from one of the sections that were still intact. If you decide to edit this, remove one of the uses of 'still'. Using it twice in such close succession doesn't work well.

3. Exploring the rest of the rooms in Wexler Labs seemed like a logical next logical step, so he went back into the corridor and started trying doors. I think the point I'm trying to make about this sentence is obvious.

4. I’m sure right now that you have about a million questions and are very angry and are very angry The same here, the minor edit needed is obvious.

5. There is a short round key on the key ring on the ring of keys that I have provided for you. I think you tried to say one thing, but ended up doing it two ways. You need to use one, not both here. Perhaps something like this? There is a short round key on the ring of keys that I have provided for you.

6. He wondered what the Hell the doctor's game was. Hell does not need to be capitalized.

7. Early on, the floors are flooded, and John is on the 23rd floor. Later he's walking around the office areas, and when he looks over the railing, the flooding appears to be at the 10th floor or so? If that's the case, why is the floor flooded at his level? Additionally, he walks around the office area, but I think he'd be sloshing through the water, not really walking. Of course, it depends on how deep the water is.

8. One service bot, however, seemed to have a solar back-up system and it greeted him as he approached. Solar powered back up, but the building is underwater? How is the sun reaching the solar cells?

9. “That’s very fun, Tin Man,” laughed John. Fun should be funny.

10. For on line reading, consider double spacing your paragraphs. It makes it easier to read on a computer monitor.

11. When John leave the offices he woke in, he unlocks the chained doors. They were chained from the inside? If he was alone in that area, no bodies or anything around, how were the doors locked from the inside?



Sum1


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298
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Review of A Christmas Wish  
Review by Sum1
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hey Faeriestone,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 14th WDC Anniversary!

         Y'know, I love stories like this. There doesn't have to be a lot to it, no character building, just plain old fashioned story telling. This is good, I really enjoyed it, but I knew where it was going from the first word. That's not a bad thing, like I said, I love stories like this.

         However, I do think you might have built it better. It looks like you wrote this for a contest, since certain words are in red to draw attention to them. I'd be willing to bet this contest is long over, so maybe you'll consider editing it a little bit. Here's my observations/comments on it.

1. It's a nice story, but a little shallow. What I mean is, it could use a little more description. You describe the snow nicely, and the floating bridge, but that's about it. What year was this set in? I got the impression that the Aramaya was a sailing vessel. Being a little more descriptive on small things like that could really make this stand out.

2. You tend to use run-on sentences at times. Here's an example. Her husband Jack, a seaman on the ship Aramaya, was due to return home in a few days. The ship had been reported missing two weeks earlier after being caught in a raging storm in the Atlantic. This could easily be cut into at least two sentences, if not three or four. It lacks punctuation in the form of comma's, which are needed in several places. I've added some, just to give you an idea.

         Like I mentioned first thing, I really like this story. It could use a little more depth is all. Thank you for sharing!



Sum1

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Review of Too Late  
Review by Sum1
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hey Elomi,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 12th WDC Anniversary!

         This is so true! Yet so very sad. I really feel you can let them back in, just not on the terms you had before. Especially if they were an important part of your life. IMHO, you can never turn your back on love. There's so little of that in this world. True love, not the love we seemingly spread so easily. The love you felt when you kissed that special someone, that's what I mean. Not the love you feel just because you are close friends. But yes, this is so true. We've all done it at one time or another. Maybe one day we'll learn.

         Truly exceptional in its words, eye opening for some I hope. Thank you for sharing.



Sum1

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Review by Sum1
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hey Derek,
         Thank you for asking me to review this. I hope my input will help you improve your writing skills and this piece, if necessary.

         You did a very good job at painting a picture of both Maggie and Clint in this short story. Maggie seemed so docile, so timid that I couldn't believe the change in her. Then when she swore at the now dead Clint, I understood what went was going on in her mind. Poor Clint, all he wanted was to be considered intelligent, intelligent enough to be a doctor of some type.

         I wondered why the good doctor had killed his receptionist, then realized what was going on as I read further. The dialog from Clint was especially good, though I'd think that someone who yearned to be a doctor might not speak the way he did. It is possible to have some culture, and be from the south. From what I gather, he was from out in the 'sticks' though, not a southern 'city boy'. His interview with Maggie was pretty convincing to this novice, but then, I've never been to a Psychiatrists Office. I found the whole interlude between her and Clint to be almost humorous.


1. As Clint strangled Maggie, she went limp, almost dead. Then she miraculously came back to life (to coin a phrase) and turned the tables on Clint. It seems that if she was that near to death, that near to suffocation, that the other personality couldn't have surfaced. I'm not a doctor though, so that's me talking, not a direct criticism.

2. She was oblivious to the sanguine absorption of blood that seeped into the spongy pillow as she looked at her first placard. I had to look up the definition of this word. I wasn't sure you used it correctly, see what you think. If a synonym is used, it could read She was oblivious to the reddish absorption of blood that seeped into the spongy pillow as she looked at her first placard. Another synonym would be reddish or ruddy. Dictionary.com gives an example of 'Having blood as the predominating humor, and consequently being ruddy-faced, cheerful, etc. I think there's a better word you could use instead of sanguine, but I will let you decide which one, should you choose to change it.

         The end was very good also, it left me wondering if the fake doctor would end up killing the real Maggie. A very good story that could be a little 'tighter' in the plot, but a nice read. Thank you for sharing.



Sum1



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