Hey!
This is a P.E.N.C.I.L. Review! 
 Storyline: This chapter threw me a little bit as for the past few you have been alternating between Natalie and Reim and I thought this was Reim's perspective until it mentioned Amy. I would suggest adding Natalie's name in there somehow near the beginning to make it clear to the reader whose point of view it is.
Much of this chapter centres around conversation had between Natalie, Amy, Seph and Chris around Blue (the nickname they've given for Reim). While this is fine I think perhaps it would benefit from some more insight into feelings/emotions. It would give the chapter an extra depth.
 Characters: We are beginning to get to know Seph and Chris here. Seph comes across as light hearted and tries to make light everything. Just to let you know he seems to cackle an awful lot, it might be worth having some word changes. Chris on the other hand, comes across as being quite moody and sullen. He doesn't seem to like Reim at all and isn't willing to open his mind.
 Setting: This again takes place in the inn and you set the scene in the beginning of the chapter.
 Atmosphere/tone: This chapter is a little slower. It focuses more on character building and story development and explanation.
 Dialogue: I've pointed out as many speech tags as I was able. There are still a few towards the end of the story that I haven't pointed out, just so you know!
  Line by line suggestions I had:
Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear
 Their armor wasn't entirely uniform, some having differences here and there that personally suited to them.
I don't think you need the word 'to' here.
Their armor wasn't entirely uniform, some having differences here and there that personally suited them.
 A large, old looking book
This just needs a hyphen.
A large, old-looking book
 As it turns out a town like Mirada, which much more foot traffic and diverse visitors,
Should this be 'with'?
As it turns out a town like Mirada, with much more foot traffic and diverse visitors,
 I loud thump jerked my attention from the book,
This should be 'a'
A loud thump jerked my attention from the book,
 "Like, right now, I bet she has no idea we've been talking about her. That's how spacey she gets." Amy said,
"Like, right now, I bet she has no idea we've been talking about her. That's how spacey she gets," Amy said,
"So, what's that book that has you so captivated?" He asked.
"So, what's that book that has you so captivated?" he asked.
"Oh, it's a compilation of various research notes about energy forms." I answered,
"Oh, it's a compilation of various research notes about energy forms," I answered,
Seph sighed and took a swig from a dark bottle I assume was some kind of beer.
This should be 'assumed' as it's written in the past tense.
Seph sighed and took a swig from a dark bottle I assumed was some kind of beer.
"They're energy forms, Natalie." He said,
"They're energy forms, Natalie," he said,
"Chris." Seph snapped,
"Chris!" Seph snapped,
"Oh, spirits, don't encourage her, Seph." Amy whined.
"Oh, spirits, don't encourage her, Seph," Amy whined.
"It's about as hard as it is to keep your mouth shut around boys." I shot back,
"It's about as hard as it is to keep your mouth shut around boys," I shot back,
"Uh-huh." I said.
"Uh-huh," I said.
"I did in fact." He replied
"I did in fact," he replied
"Well, energy forms don't really view family the way we do." I answered.
"Well, energy forms don't really view family the way we do," I answered.
"Woah, woah, Natalie, you can't just make up words on me like that." Amy said.
"Woah, woah, Natalie, you can't just make up words on me like that," Amy said.
"They're not made up words, just big words." I argued.
"They're not made up words, just big words," I argued.
It's awkward when your in a body that's older than the one your father is in.
This should be 'you're' which is an abbreviation of 'you are'
It's awkward when you're in a body that's older than the one your father is in.
"That might be a bit too much rationale there, Natalie." Seph said.
"That might be a bit too much rationale there, Natalie," Seph said.
and so we can't fully understand it and all the workings behind it." Seph explained.
and so we can't fully understand it and all the workings behind it," Seph explained.
"Well, in that case, the energy form in question might refer to himself as 'son of generic hero A.'" Seph answered.
"Well, in that case, the energy form in question might refer to himself as 'son of generic hero A,'" Seph answered.
"You mean people he's killed, or cities he's destroyed." Chris growled.
"You mean people he's killed, or cities he's destroyed," Chris growled.
"Oh, I read a little about the pupil thing." I said,
"Oh, I read a little about the pupil thing," I said,
"Okay, so if nothing else, he had this Dohken guy as his family." Amy said.
"Okay, so if nothing else, he had this Dohken guy as his family," Amy said.
"You don't think he killed his own master, do you?" She asked.
"You don't think he killed his own master, do you?" she asked.
"Wow, he really is a badass." Amy added.
"Wow, he really is a badass," Amy added.
"Watch your mouth." Chris snapped.
"Watch your mouth," Chris snapped.
"Yes, well, badass he may be, there's not a chance in hell he was a match for Dohken." Seph continued.
"Yes, well, badass he may be, there's not a chance in hell he was a match for Dohken," Seph continued.
"Don't be. He's being a jerk." Amy supplied,
"Don't be. He's being a jerk," Amy supplied,
Hope this helped!
Well done on a good write!!
Reviewed on behalf P.E.N.C.I.L. Group:
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| (4.5)
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