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Review Requests: OFF
3,537 Public Reviews Given
4,150 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I tend to review using a format that I can comment on plot, characters, setting, atmosphere and dialogue. I also try to point out typos/errors and that sort of thing. This style may change depending on the item!
I'm good at...
I'm better with fiction than anything else. I might be able to have a go at poetry but please don't expect too much!
Favorite Genres
Horror, dark, suspense, thriller, mystery. However, I'm open minded and will read most genres.
Favorite Item Types
Statics - fiction.
Public Reviews
Previous ... 8 9 10 11 -12- 13 14 15 16 17 ... Next
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276
for entry "Perceptions" 
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: I'm here with a review as a judge of the 30 Day Image Prompt Contest!

*Checkg*What I liked:

You probably know poetry isn't my forte but I'm willing to give it a go! This is a short poem but well constructed. You have focused this on the 'lightning' prompt and done well to incorporate the feeling of power of a lightning strike. I would also say it almost feels as if there is a lot of fear here, fear for the power of something so huge. The descriptions you use are really great and help paint the picture. Thanks for sharing!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
277
277
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: I'm here with a review as a judge of the 30 Day Image Prompt Contest!


*Checkg*What I liked:

Poetry isn't my strong point but this piece was really well written and I enjoyed reading it. It was like an epic poem that spoke of Ragnarok and the future events that would occur. I think you captured the tone of the piece really well and managed to set it within time through your use of language. Each stanza flows into the next to create a picture that the reader gets with the read. I like that. I can't chose a favourite stanza because I think they all work well together. It flows well too.

Also, the explanations at the end really helped me understand the poem form as well as Ragnarok and some of the other words you used! Thanks.



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
278
278
for entry "Day 2: Green Son" 
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey Jordan! I'm here with a review of this piece as a Judge of the 30 Day Image Prompt Contest!


*Checkg*What I liked:

this is a really interesting take on the prompt. You have written a 55 word story from this which gives a really great description of the pool and its surroundings. You really took me there as a reader. It has the hints of a fantasy piece which I like and it's in keeping with them theme of the prompt.

*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*The swirling water of green and blue accented the vines and lines of the surrounding jungle forest.

This bit is past tense while the rest is present. It's just a little thing but thought I'd point it out anyway.

*BulletG*The swirling water of green and blue accents the vines and lines of the surrounding jungle forest.


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
279
279
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey Jordan! I'm here with a review of this piece as a Judge of the 30 Day Image Prompt Contest!

*Pencil*Storyline: I think this was a really good piece. It's something that could definitely be expanded on (made into a longer work if you liked). You hint at the plot and allow the reader to experience it along with Keira the whole time.

*People*Characters: Keira is the main character here (love the name!) She appears to be a young woman, strong and willing to fight. I immediately liked her for this and admired her bravery.

*Home*Setting: This is set in a different time and place. I'm not sure when or where but you stay consistent throughout this piece so it works fine.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: This had a sort of medieval tone.



*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
280
280
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey, I wanted to come and return the review you did for me. I chose this piece because of the subject - it's always something that interests me.


*Checkg*What I liked:

This is a really great piece. I'm sorry that you had such a bad experience and had a particularly nasty review. I'm afraid they do happen and it can hurt. I too have had such a review and it's hard not to take it to heart. However, I'm glad you were able to continue posting your work and come to the realisation that one person who has a 'poison' pen doesn't equal every one else. Thank you for sharing this piece and for allowing us to get a glimpse of how it was for you. Keep posting and keep on writing!


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
281
281
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey! I wanted to come and return the review you did for me. I chose this piece because I love horror and this piece, based at the mall, intrigued me!


*Checkg*What I liked:

This is a really interesting take on the prompt and without actually seeing the picture, I think I know was it was. You tell this piece clearly and concisely, choosing your words carefully to show the situation to the reader and help them see what is going on. The last bit I really loved, you really painted the picture well *Smile*



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
282
282
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I'm here as part of the Power Reviewers Back Pack Raid! I spotted this on the list of possible reads and had to stop by and see what your tips were.


*Checkg*What I liked:

This is an interesting and thorough list of things that a write can do to help improve their work. I like the idea of this. I think the fact that you have cut it down to set points and number it out makes it really helpful and I could see myself using this as a guide to edit and revise my work. Thank you for sharing this *Smile*


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
283
283
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I'm here as part of the Power Reviewers Back Pack Raid! I saw this on the list of possible reads and thought I'd stop by *Smile* Intriguing title.


*Checkg*What I liked:

This is a really personal piece in which you give the reader a glimpse of your childhood. I have to say I felt it with you there as you did with your mum. It sounds like you went through a bit of a tough time and were constantly judged, but it looks like something good came from it in the end and I'm glad you were able to focus yourself and turn it into something positive *Smile* Thank you for sharing.



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
284
284
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I'm here as part of the Non fiction and Educational themed Power Review Raid! When I saw this piece I had to stop by. I've never written any fan fiction but it's something that has always interested me, so here we go!

*Checkg*What I liked:

This was a really intersting article in which you opened my eyes to the world of fan fiction. I never knew there were so many different types of it as I always thought it was simple take the characters in the same world and write a scene/story from it. This has really made me want to delve into it a little more. When I consider some of my favourite things I have to say if I was going to do a Fan fic it would probably be from Supernatural. I love that show and it's always changing and the characters are great. Maybe I'll run with this one day! Thank you for educating me with this piece *Smile*



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
285
285
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I'm here as part of the Non fiction and Educational themed Power Review Raid! I saw this piece and having thought about this before, I wanted to come and check it out.

*Checkg*What I liked:

This is a really interesting letter and I'm glad I stumbled across it. I do enjoy writing and reading supernatural stories now and again and the fact that you've asked the author to define a really important part of this is good. I think it's something that could be overlooked when writing but I agree that it's really important and must be done to help the reader adjust to the world and the parameters within it. I like that you used examples to illustrate your point (particularly the vampire ones) but you also gave me some new knowledge. I had no idea that JK had kept journals of her worlds. It makes a lot of sense and I think if you're creating something a little different it's definitely worth doing so you can keep everything within the boundaries of the world.

Thank you for sharing this piece and for giving me food for thought!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
286
286
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey! I'm here with a review for this piece as part of the Power Reviewers Non-Fiction and Educational Raid! When I saw the title of this piece, I had to take a look, after all, school lunches have been the bane of many lives!


*Checkg*What I liked:

I live in the UK and though this has been an issue, it doesn't seem it's been as huge as in the USA! Wow that's crazy. I do think that having nutritional food is important but growing kids still need fat and calories because they do a lot to burn it off (your athletes included). However, things can often go too far and not allowing anything sweet and declaring a brown bag unhealthy is a step too far. You're right that it's personal and parental responsibility. Plus, I don't know about you but when I was a kid the only vegetable I ate was beans and now I'm a regular healthy adult who likes green food and fruit! Perhaps a child's tastes are less matured.

I love the idea of a peanut butter brownie! Any chance you have a recipe for this? *Smile*

Thank you for sharing this opinion piece on school lunches with us!


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
287
287
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey! I'm here with a review for this piece as part of the Power Reviewers Non-Fiction and Educational Raid!


*Checkg*What I liked:

When I spotted this piece, the title drew me in and I had to read. I'm not great with poetry but still I really enjoyed this piece. The title gave a good idea of what it was going to be about and it was. The piece speaks a tale of judgement bestowed on him because of being gay. I still find it hard to believe that there's such prejudice left in this world and that we can't accept people for who they are sometimes. This is a really deep piece that I found thought provoking. The form of it works well, and flows naturally. Thanks for sharing!





Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
288
288
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey! I'm here with a review for this piece as part of the Power Reviewers Non-Fiction and Educational Raid!


*Checkg*What I liked:

When I spotted this piece, I knew I had to come and check it out. I come from a very feminist background and work closely with women in women only environments and I feel quite strongly about this issue. My answer was that I think a person who identifies as a woman should be allowed access to a woman only space. I know there are implications to this but this is my opinion.

I would say that the answers to the poll itself required reading several times and I'm not sure some of it fits together well. I think perhaps you need to separate pre and post op because they're quite different things in the eyes of some people and perhaps there needs to be a reference to a gender recognition certificate too because the charity I was volunteering for had discussions around this.

Also, I have to admit, I wasn't too comfortable with the way you labelled lesbians and used 'butch'. It may just be my opinion however, I wouldn't have thought it would matter if a woman was a lesbian or not and how she looked. Just a thought.

Thank you for sharing such a thought provoking poll!




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

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289
289
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey! I'm here as part of the Power Reviewers Non-Fiction and Education themed Raid! When I saw the title and description of this piece, it made me smile because I think it could make for a fun story!


*Checkg*What I liked:

I was right! This was a fun piece that made me smile. I've never been RV camping before though I can imagine it to be a little more comfortable than camping (which I happen to love too!) Glad you figured out how to flush the toilet though!

I've pointed out a few things with the dialogue below but I also just wanted to say that generally when a new person begins speaking it will be put on a new paragraph. I know this is non-fiction but I think it would just make it look a little better too.


*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG* yelled “honey, where is the toilet flusher in the bathroom, I can’t find it anywhere.â€

When writing speech, it needs to start with a capital. Here I would also put a comma before the speech starts.

*BulletG* yelled, “Honey, where is the toilet flusher in the bathroom, I can’t find it anywhere.â€

*BulletB* He replies “it’s those two little peddles below the toilet, you push those with your feet.â€
*BulletB* He replies, “It’s those two little peddles below the toilet, you push those with your feet.â€

*BulletR*I said “you are kidding!!! I thought those were brakes!â€
*BulletR*I said, "You are kidding! I thought those were brakes!â€


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
290
290
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey! I'm here as part of the Power Reviewers Non-Fiction and Education themed Raid! I chose this piece because characters are such an important part of the story so I wanted to see what your article had to say.


*Checkg*What I liked:

This piece focuses on characters within a story and how to make them a rounded character. I think you make some good points here and really go into how you think a 'real' character should be and make the reader feel. I think if you wanted to expand this piece you could maybe go into further detail about each of the six points by including examples, perhaps of ne of your own characters *Smile* But thank you for sharing!


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
291
291
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey! I'm here as part of the Power Reviewers Non-Fiction and Education themed Raid! Na No might be a while away yet but you can never be too prepared I say!


*Checkg*What I liked:

I found this to be a really great article. It was easy to read, comprehensible and easy on the eye. The way you section it off works well and allows the reader to understand the next piece you're focusing on.

I think you have some really great advice in this piece. As I said NaNo is a while away yet but some of the tips you have here I've tried, but some I haven't, so that's really helpful. I think the ending of this piece is essential and it emphasises the importance of an author's well being in their quest of writing and without that, no writing would be done at all. Thank you for sharing this!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
292
292
Review of Two souls  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey! I hit the random review button looking for something to read and this popped up *Smile*

*Pencil*Storyline: This story follows the narrator who has developed an intense anxiety that doesn't allow him to leave the house. His friends visit and do what they can to be supportive.

I would suggest this is more of a vignette than a story as there is no conflict and the story moves along at a fairly slow pace. I think it works for what it is though.

*People*Characters: One suggestion would be to give the main character a name. It will help the reader to identify with him. I was also left wondering how this all happened and how he developed anxiety. Perhaps if you were to make this a longer piece that would be something to consider.

*Home*Setting: This piece takes place in the home of the narrator. He doesn't leave at all and I think he spends much of it in one room too. I would suggest adding more description about the room, what it looks like, how exactly it smells, why he prefers the dark and allows it to be kept so. I think it will help the reader picture the room and therefore help them understand the character a little more.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: As I said this is more of a vignette. It left me feeling a little melancholy for him.




*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*I had managed to let the curtains be withdrawn today.

Here I would say you don't need the word 'had' as it makes it quite passive.

*BulletG*I managed to let the curtains be withdrawn today.

*BulletB*This in the other hand,

This should be 'on'

*BulletB*This on the other hand,

*BulletR*And talking to them is supposed to be helping as well." she said when I asked her what I did wrong.

Here I think you only need the word 'help'. Also, as you follow this speech with a speech tag that tells the reader how something is said, there should be a comma at the end of the speech.

*BulletR*And talking to them is supposed to help as well," she said when I asked her what I did wrong.

*BulletV* It starts to come to life,

You write this in the past tense but the word 'starts' brings it into the present. I would write 'started'

*BulletV* It started to come to life,

*Bullet*You have at least grown wonderfully green at least, just missing that budding flower by now.»

I think this should be a quotation mark.

*Bullet*You have at least grown wonderfully green at least, just missing that budding flower by now."


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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293
Review of Day 9 - 2.4.13  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey! I am taking up the 24 hour challenge and when I hit the random review button, this popped up. I don't often read poetry so please bear with me!

*Checkg*What I liked:

I really loved this piece and I'm so glad I got a chance to read it! This poem tells the reader of your beloved pet, Bear, a dg who has come into your home (since the nest emptied) and become a very valued, albeit demanding, pet. I think the way you wrote this really incorporates her attitude and it really made me smile. I think it's great that she's the queen (as I can attest I believe my cat thinks he's some sort of mafia boss) and the way you write her really shows that too. But I also really like that you show how much you are 'taken in' by it and can't resist, but let's face it, who could?!

Thank you for sharing this really adorable piece and for taking the time to add a picture to it too, it really adds to this *Smile*


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
294
294
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey! I'm taking up the review challenge "Note: *Clock2* 24-HOUR MISSION *Clock2* Cl..." and when I hit the random review button, this popped up!

*Checkg*What I liked:

This is a piece that focuses on story telling and the way to better yourself as an author. I think the way you begin this piece is interesting as you've asked the reader to compare writing to a screenplay in a film. I think this is a really good thing to do (and it's something I've done before too) because it helps to visualise how it should happen.

You work through the main aspects of the novel/plot in six stages with the character playing the main subject. I too agree with this as characters can be either hated or loved and it doesn't matter which as long as there is an emotion there from the reader, but it's important to evoke something. By then, the reader can become invested in the story.

This piece is comprehensible and easy to read and understand. You make six clear points and set it out well too *Smile* Thanks for sharing!

*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
295
295
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Oki doki... here I am Archi to review this piece for you. You've labelled it as a novella (and this is the first piece) and it's in the genre of romance. Not the typical genre I'd go for but hey, it's fun to branch out! I would suggest adding something to the description line that tells the reader what it's about.

*Pencil*Storyline: The plot of this piece follows a man, Tom, who seems to be quiet obsessed with a woman he met named Jade. It's not clear how they met or how much their lives crossed, but we learn that his feelings for her are over and beyond and it scares her a little. When he goes away he meets a new woman, Becky, and though he likes her, he finds himself comparing her to Jade and realises he can't let go.

It's an interesting story line and really had me wanting to read on.

*People*Characters: The main character's voice is unique. He comes across as quite well educated. I would suggest trying to add in the fact that he's male earlier than you do as I originally had the impression that he was a woman. His voice, though unique, started to lose me a little as the story went on. I found myself having to read and re-read lines and paragraphs because of the way it was written. I'm not sure if this is done on purpose to reflect his character or the time it is set... if it is about the time it's set you need to be clear with the reader. Is it contemporary?

I'm not sure if I like Tom. I'm not saying that's a bad thing, but because of his personality and the way he is treating Becky, I think he's a bit callous.

*Home*Setting: As I mentioned I think this is set in contemporary times but perhaps you could be a little clearer.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: love and confusion.




*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG* shuffling alongside me, embracing me

I would say the repetition of the word 'me' should be changed.

*BulletG* shuffling alongside and embracing me

*BulletB*As it rolled in and slowly ground to a halt in front of me the temperature descended yet further.

This could just use a comma.

*BulletB*As it rolled in and slowly ground to a halt in front of me, the temperature descended yet further.

*BulletR* but I hoped it was subtle enough as to be unnoticeable.

I don't think you need the word 'as' here.

*BulletR* but I hoped it was subtle enough to be unnoticeable.

*BulletV*Having arrived at the town, I had quickly made my way to the hotel I had booked.

Here you've used having and had a lot in this one sentence. It's repetitive and pulls the reader out of the story. Try something like:

*BulletV*Having arrived at the town, I quickly made my way to the hotel I booked earlier that week.

*Bullet*I’ve got a new one.†I said, intending to leave it there.

This is a speech tag so should have a comma to end the speech.

*Bullet*I’ve got a new one,†I said, intending to leave it there.


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
296
296
Review of Seeking Asylum  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I was looking for something to read when I came across this piece. I'm not great with poetry but the title intrigued me so here I am!


*Checkg*What I liked:

This is indeed an interesting piece in which the narrator seems to be stuck in a everlasting torment in an asylum. The narrator finds himself chased by the screams, pained and brought to the brink of insanity (perhaps where he wasn't before) and begins to wish for something else. What I get from this piece is that he is looking for a way out, somewhere away from the chaos, death.

The way you have written this piece is interesting. It flows like the thoughts from a mind which I find interesting. It really helps this piece work and captures the tone of it just right. Thank you for sharing!


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
297
297
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey! I decided to come back to read the second part of this story and find out what happened!

*Pencil*Storyline: Ru goes to a hunting cabin converted into a nice space to stay and awaits Myra. They have finally planned to meet a and I can sense her excitement. I'm guessing this chapter isn't finished or you're planning/have written a third part. It did leave me wondering what would happen on their first ever meeting.

*People*Characters: Ru shows her nervousness here. She seems quite confident that Myra will turn up and rests assured on that fact and familiarises herself with the place before planning time to get ready.

*Home*Setting: This takes place in a hunting lodge where they will stay. You set the scene well just be careful you're not overloading the reader with too much description. Pick and choose where you put it in and let the characters drive the story.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: Nervous anticipation.


*Checkg*What I liked:

I like this description, it really stood out to me:

Instead of a bed, there is a makeshift mattress of several thick sheepskin rugs, covered by thick luxurious wool blankets. The lighting is soft, provided by a single polished brass gas lamp in the back left corner.


*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*enough clothes for the 5 days I'll be here.
*BulletG*enough clothes for the five days I'll be here.

*BulletB*A thick, plush, dark red rug takes up most of the floor in the center of the room,

This may just be a personal thing but I feel there is a little too much description here. I would get rid of one item:

*BulletB*A plush, dark red rug takes up most of the floor in the center of the room,

*BulletR*There's a sheepskin rug in front of the fireplace. The fireplace, surrounded by thick dark logs, has been laid and is ready to light.

Here I'm wondering a couple of thing. You've already told the reader that a red rug takes up most of the central room. Would there be room for two rugs and generally, would it look right? I might be tempted to get rid of that. Also, you mentioned fireplace twice.

*BulletR*The huge, ornate fireplace is surrounded by thick dark logs and is ready to light.


*BulletV*Opening the ornate carved wood doors below the glass cabinet automatically slides out a black marble tabletop.

Here you're missing the subject of the sentence which makes it incomplete.

*BulletV*As I open the ornate carved wood doors below the glass cabinet, a black marble surface slides out.

*Bullet*Opening the glass cabinet,

This is the next sentence. I would consider rewording or changing the structure of the paragraph a little. You mention the glass cabinet several times which is a little repetitive but the order of things feels a little muddled.


*BulletG*I discard my clothes casually on the floor

I would say you don't need the word 'casually' here. The action tells how she's doing it and it's not something she would necessarily think herself.

*BulletG*I discard my clothes on the floor


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
298
298
Review of Donating organs  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I saw that you were looking for reviews of this piece on "Please Review"  The title of the piece intrigued me so I decided to stop by and read it for you *Smile*

*Checkg*What I liked:

This was an interesting piece and I feel you've classified it well as a monologue *Smile* You ask about being an organ donor and consider the realities of what that means. You say that you don't want to inflict an aching heart of another person. To me, that speaks a lot of you as a person and what you have been through. I'm sorry you've been through such heartache and I hope it gets better sooner rather than later.

One of the things you said struck me: What If your organs carried with them remnants of the life you've had?

Have you seen the film The Eye with Jessica Alba in? In that movie she is donated a pair of eyes and soon begins to realise the eyes still have a connection with their former occupant and it plagues her. I'm not sure how real this could be though I'm sure I've heard stories of people experiencing things they wouldn't normally after having a transplant.

However, I'm not sure you really mean that in seriousness. I think instead, you wanted to get across how pained your heart is and I think in that, you've made it very clear. Thank you for sharing this with us.


*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*They may need my eyes to see again, My heart to

The word 'my' doesn't need to be an upper case letter as it's in the middle of a sentence.

*BulletG*They may need my eyes to see again, my heart to

*BulletB*What If your organs carried with them remnants of the life you've had?

The same thing here with the word 'if'.

*BulletB*What if your organs carried with them remnants of the life you've had?

*BulletR*Its relatively untouched...

This needs an apostrophe as it's an abbreviation of the words 'it is'

*BulletR*It's relatively untouched...

*BulletV*My heart, That's the one I don't want to give.

The word 'that's' doesn't need to be an upper case letter.

*BulletV*My heart, that's the one I don't want to give.

*Bullet*If its possible to transfer those feelings burned deep with in it

This needs an apostrophe.

*Bullet*If it's possible to transfer those feelings burned deep with in it

*BulletG*Its just that the cumulative effect
*BulletG*It's just that the cumulative effect


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
299
299
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hi! I'm here to review this piece as you requested a review at "Please Review"  Poetry isn't my strong point but when I saw the title and description of this piece, I couldn't help myself!


*Checkg*What I liked:

This was a really fun and light hearted piece *Smile* You go through the fun and games had at court by the jesters and entertainers whose job it is to keep the king happy. This guy sure does this, from the way he looks to the way he dances, juggles and masters puppets to tell a tale.

The form of this poem works well to help the flow of the piece and tell the story. I also like the way you've made it rhyme (which feel natural) and the way you indented some of the staza's lines consistently. Thank you for sharing!


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
300
300
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey Diane, I hit the random review button looking for something to read and so here I am!

*Pencil*Storyline: This story tells of a family who, after her parents have divorced, find that they have to split the Christmas holidays up and it's something that they find tiring each year. This time David, Andrea's husband, tells her they can't go to both houses and she has a tough decision to make.

*People*Characters: Andrea is the main character in this piece. It is her parents who are split up therefore she is left with the decision about who they won't visit during Christmas. Her character is well developed and I can feel her pain and frustration at having to chose between them, well done!

*Home*Setting: This takes place in Andrea's home as she is contemplating her decision.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: The atmosphere is a troubled one, when it should be a joyous festive spirit.

*BurstR*Dialogue: The dialogue between Andrea and David is really well done and comes across as natural. It also speaks volumes of their relationship too.




*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*
"Good morning Thomas." Andrea called across the room

I think this should be a comma as a speech tag follows it.

*BulletG*"Good morning Thomas," Andrea called across the room

*BulletB*"I know." Andrea responded, pushing her plate away.
*BulletB*"I know," Andrea responded, pushing her plate away.


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

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