*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/legerdemain/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/21
Review Requests: OFF
1,502 Public Reviews Given
1,747 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I like to be honest and write about how I feel and what I see. It doesn't mean I'm always right - it means I'm telling you how your work affects me. I'll try to tell you the good with the bad, but don't expect fluff. Fluff sucks.
I'm good at...
Looking at format, spelling and some punctuation...except commas. I hate commas.
Least Favorite Genres
Technical essays, overly detailed fantasies and poetry.
I will not review...
Items that show no obvious effort at editing before promoting for review. If you spell "i" instead of "I", I will close the page and not review it. We're not idiots here.
Public Reviews
Previous ... 17 18 19 20 -21- 22 23 24 ... Next
501
501
Review of Fairyland  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello mizzie ,
This is a sweet poem on fairies!
The rhyming almost feels like lyrics.
I like the idea of fairies fading if no one believes in them. *Smile* Just imagine how easily this could be illustrated. I enjoyed your poem.
Well done!
Regards,
Kim

An excellent signature.
502
502
Review of My cat  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello lilwriter
This is a sweet little poem.
I have a couple suggestions.
Perhaps your last line should say: "But if Cuddles was still living, I would say "I love you."
Also, it doesn't fit the tense of the poem.
If you keep the last line, perhaps change the rest of the poem to past tense. "My was as warm as a mitten."
Overall, it's a great start and I love kitties!
Regards,
Kim

Review Bear signature
503
503
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Erin Michelle ,
This is a wonderful story! Your storyline is an excellent idea and you've done a good job with your dialog. I do have a couple suggestions: Indent your line changes with the ML tag {indent} and separate your speaker changes with line breaks for easier reading. Also, the ending seems rushed and it's not obvious that you hopped forward on the time line for the last paragraph. Take some time to flesh it out and it will be an even better story.
Overall, a great emotional story. Write on!
Regards,
Kim

twinkle fairy signature
504
504
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello billwilcox
An excellently fashioned tale of space travel. This has well organized dialog and believable situation. The timeline titles keep it in sync. I love Jane, she's an awesome, strong character. Wicked good horror story! A great read! Definitely a winner in my book.
Good luck!
Regards,
Kim

** Image ID #845799 Unavailable **
505
505
Review of Perfection  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello C.Martin

Welcome to Writing.com! *Smile*

This is sweet poem. I liked the phrase "prism of beauty". I didn't understand why only the first two
lines were capitalized, though. Perhaps a period after "You" would help.
Overall, it was simple and well expressed. *Smile*
Regards,
Kim

twinkle fairy signature
506
506
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (1.5)
Hello kahosat25,
Interesting prose here.
It's a theme that teens have had for many, many
generations. What would you consider to be the
"best hopeful phrases"?
Some of your lines were overlong in this, perhaps
you could break them up.
Overall, a good expression of your feelings.
Write on!
Regards,
Kim

twinkle fairy signature
507
507
Review of Persephone's Kiss  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Ben Tober ,

Welcome to Writing.com!
I enjoyed this poem. I enjoy references to Greek mythology in poetry. Did Persephone's temple mean the Hade's Underworld in your poem?
Your poem was well written and has no grammar errors.
Write on!

Regards,
Kim
508
508
Review of Harmony of Hope  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Reemz ,

I would first like to welcome you to Writing.com!
I hope you enjoy our community.
I enjoyed reading your poem and have no suggestions
for changes or edit. It indeed was hopeful.

Write on!
Regards,
Kim

** Image ID #989212 Unavailable **
509
509
Review of High Occupancy  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Robert Waltz ,

*groan*

An excellent tale, a wonderful pun of an ending. Aside, the tale was woven well, with good descriptives and imaginative characters. No edit recommended and thank you for the giggle. *Laugh*

Write on,

Kim

** Image ID #989212 Unavailable **
510
510
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello quantumcr8tive
First, Welcome to Writing.com! I hope you are enjoying our community.
Rarely do I stumble across a short that encompasses so much and leaves such an impression. This leaves me with little to suggest for edit. I admire your descriptives and your excellent work wrapping up the write.
Write on!
Regards,
Kim

** Image ID #989212 Unavailable **
Logo for Writing.Com Moderators - small.
511
511
Review of Pinky the Rat  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hiya W.D.,

I just had to click it, didn't I?
There was the link, just waiting to be clicked and I fell for it and clicked.

Now I'm going to have nightmares.
Thanks a heap. Thanks a big heap.

Excellent story, bloody but not disgusting and gory. Hope that's what you were going for. Great dialog, I see nothing to suggest a change for edit. Definitely enough ewwww for impact. Well done Bill.

Now, where's my flashlight?

*giggles into my hands*
Kim
512
512
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Bob,

A lovely haiku.
A few suggestions for edit.
Your brief description has a spelling error. "pleasure"
I believe haikus look lovely if you single space
and use a {center} ML tag with them. You can learn
more about ML tags in your "Author Tools" drop down
list under "WritingML Help".

Regards,
Kim

twinkle fairy signature
513
513
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello Jacob Strong,
I found this to be a very entertaining comedic piece.
My only suggestion for edit would be to go over your work with a fine tooth comb. I see a few spelling errors and typos such as of-off.
Overall, a funny write that I can relate to. *Laugh*
Regards,
Kim
514
514
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Norm and Welcome to Writing.com!
You first poem posted in your port and I'm giggling my head off. I do thank you for the help in the beginning, being a Yank and all. *Laugh*
I have no suggestions for edit, unusual for me.
Overall I have to say I had a good laugh, thank you.
Write on!
Regards,
Kim

** Image ID #989212 Unavailable **
515
515
Review of The Birdcage  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello lian,
A wonderful story with a fabulous ending! I certainly did not expect what happened when the girl left the cage. *Smile* Well done!

*Cut*Specific suggestions for edit:

*Bullet*Every evening the old man walked into the ballroom... *** And every evening the young woman became aware...
*Idea*These two paragraphs begin exactly the same. I would suggest a wording change.

*Bullet*And then there was the boy.
*Idea*This is flat and weak. Use the sentence to introduce the boy and place him in the story.

*Bullet*her red hair flowed down around her like bloody cataracts
*Idea*This seems ghoulish, perhaps "flowed around her like shimmering red silk".

*Bullet*She eyed him tiredly, just hoping he’d keep his distance because she wouldn’t be able to get away if he decided to try anything.
*Idea*This doesn't fit in the story. Is she tired or worried? "Just hoping" is passive. Try rewording the sentence.

*Bullet*rejuvenated and happy and covered in sticky fruit pulp,
*Idea*Was he eating the fruit too? You haven't showed that.

Overall, this was a great short story. I hope to read more such stories from you. *Delight*

As an aside, your introduction is E-rated by content. You have it set as Non-E which filters it from view by others. You can change this in the edit page of your piece if you wish.

Regards,
Kim

** Image ID #989212 Unavailable **
516
516
Review of Eros  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello layladylay,

A sweet/sad poem. I do adore our character Eros.
A wonderful fellow to write about.

*Cut*Some suggestions for edit:

*Bullet*cherubin
*Idea* "cherubim"

*Bullet*No Winged babe
*Idea* "winged"

*Idea*Seventh and last two lines should start with a capital like all the others.

*Bullet*Or just pass you by,
*Idea* Remove passive "just".

*Idea* I don't feel the commas are necessary in the poem. But it's your creation. *Smile*

Overall, well done!
Regards,
Kim

** Image ID #952522 Unavailable **
517
517
Review of Sometimes  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello silverfish,
I loved this story. You showed your feelings quite well in the story.

*Cut*Suggestions for edit:

*Bullet*Here's you something to get a cold Coke with and get cooled off, ok?"
*Idea*"Here's something for you to get..."

*Bullet*Keep loving each other, coz that's all ya really got in the world.
*Idea*coz - "because or 'cause"

*Bullet*You hiprocrit."
*Idea* "hypocrite"

Overall, a well written (strange incident too, lol) short story. Write on!

Regards,
Kim

Review Bear signature
518
518
Review of Danny  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello Fautor, *Smile*

YES YES YES you should continue*Exclaim*

You managed quite a feat in a first chapter! You defined your character, strode through an entire scene and set the stage for an fantastic story. You deserve the highest compliments, as your reader I could see everything quite clearly. The redhead, an wonderful twist in the thumping and desperate club tableau.

You piqued my curiousity. What relationship does Danny have with the club other than the patron? Will you bring the alley bum in and out of the story? Is Danny a DJ too or just a music maven? Tell me the redhead will be back! Ok ok, I've made my point.

*Cut*One suggestion for edit:

*Bullet*Even the DJ missed a rare beat when he caught her out of the corner. of his eye?

Overall, a excellent beginning. I look forward to reading future chapters.

As an aside, Welcome to Writing.com! I admire your witty choice of handle. I hope you find our community to be a great resource.

Regards,
Kim

Gold Fairy Sig, cattytaurus
519
519
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Finnley,
A well done rhyme. *Smile*
♫ It almost felt like song lyrics.
*Cut*The only suggestion for edit would be the second to last line: "you're" should be "your".
Overall, I thought this was well written.
Regards,
Kim

Review Bear signature
520
520
Review of Treasure  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello,

*Star*A great write of angst. I'll say out front I'm not an expert of poetry, but your work does speak to its reader. I'm unsure of the form, unless it is set in stone, I'd rather see your couplets at the beginning set into short lines instead, to match your ending lines.

*Cut*Several spelling errors:
hiden - hidden
admist - amidst
griping - gripping

I liked the storm/belay analogy. Well done.
Overall, I enjoyed this poem. *Smile*

Regards,
Kim

** Image ID #952522 Unavailable **
521
521
Review of FOOD  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Levi,
Welcome to Writing.com!
This was an amusing poem.
I was surprised at how many food words rhyme.
My only suggestions for edit would be to not capitalize all the food words inside your lines and to lengthen the second to last line, it seemed woefully short.
Overall, a funny write.
Regards,
Kim
Review Bear signature
522
522
Review of Art is You & Me  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello John and welcome to Writing.com! *Smile*

I hope you find this community as warm and welcoming as I did when I joined. I like to think of this site as "home". I hope you will too!

I enjoyed your essay. At first I was very put off by your huge pile of adjectives, having clicked on your essay because of my interest in art, but found myself reading each adjective individually and being able to relate. {Agonistic? I paused on that one.)

My only suggestion would be to work on your format of how the essay is posted. Using spacing and indentation may help to break and sort your adjective conglomeration. You can find out more about ML tags used on this site in the drop down list in the upper left corner of the page under "Author Tools" and click "WritingML Help". You're welcome to email me if you need further help.

I also viewed your artwork, since you posted the link in your portfolio. (Warhol- Pope of Pop *laughing*) I found much of it fascinating. It appears you are blessed with prolific creativity and talent in many genres.

Regards,
Kim

A patriotic signature.
523
523
Review of Reaching  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello W.D.

*Smile*
A lovely bittersweet write.

Suggestions:

*Bullet* I saw in you eyes?
*Idea* "you" to "your"

*Bullet* that I was so totally blind
*Bullet* that I felt in your touch
*Bullet* That I still crave so much
*Idea* Suggest taking out passive "that".

*Idea*Last suggestion is to put "Goodbye" as a fourth line.

Overall, an enjoyable poem.
Regards,
Kim

*842525*


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
524
524
Review of The Promise  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello Jane,

         This is a very engaging story. How ironic for you to have escaped a walled-in place after a heart-wrenching personal revelation. It was very kind of you to share your story. My fervent hope is that you've made friends and still attend.
         I have no suggestions for edit. I truly enjoyed the read.

Regards,
Kim

Pink Tulip Signature
525
525
Review of Wild Card Review  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello,
" Wild Card Review" 
Sounds like a great contest! A good idea to have it reviewed before the contest opens April 25th.

Edit:
"the word 'Wild' in in somewhere," ~ "in it"

The way I understand it:
A)The first three posters in the forum are the three reviewers.
B)The portfolio reviewed by those three is the portfolio of a bot winner ~ or a port chosen by the bot winner. The bot will have the word "wild" in it?

Will there be more than one port raided? More than three reviewers chosen?

I have a lot in my port *Shock*, is there a limit of items reviewed?

Are you taking donations to help with the contest? *Smile*

Good luck with the contest, it looks like great fun!
Regards,
Kim

Pink Tulip Signature
579 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 24 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/legerdemain/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/21