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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/legerdemain/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/17
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1,548 Public Reviews Given
1,793 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I like to be honest and write about how I feel and what I see. It doesn't mean I'm always right - it means I'm telling you how your work affects me. I'll try to tell you the good with the bad, but don't expect fluff. Fluff sucks.
I'm good at...
Looking at format, spelling and some punctuation...except commas. I hate commas.
Least Favorite Genres
Technical essays, overly detailed fantasies and poetry.
I will not review...
Items that show no obvious effort at editing before promoting for review. If you spell "i" instead of "I", I will close the page and not review it. We're not idiots here.
Public Reviews
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Review of daisy dance  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello nj conlon Author Icon
Welcome to Writing.com!
I like flowers and gardening so your title prompted me to open your item.
What a charming poem! I could imagine the little carefree daisy dancing on the hill.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Line 4 and others ~ "i" should be "I"
*Bullet*Line 4 ~ "should of" should be "should have"
*Bullet*Line 7 ~ Minor, you have a comma out of place.
*Bullet*Line 11 ~ "larry" - "Larry"
*Bullet*Line 14 ~ "ill" - "I'll"
*Bullet*Line 18 ~ I think you can shorten this to "they can't believe they see a daisy dance", we know they see with their eyes. *Smile*

Overall, a cute dancing daisy.

Regards,
Kim
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402
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello DocP Author Icon

Welcome to Writing.com!

I enjoyed reading your thought provoking anecdote. How true that we step over what we consider worthless when in reality could be a gem.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Paragraph 1: "shinning" should be "shining"
*Bullet*Paragraph 3: (on a dime?) *Left**Laugh*
*Bullet*Paragraph 5: 100 = one hundred

Overall, a precious lesson to share, thank you.
P.S. What ever happened to the bottle?

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..

Regards,
Kim
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Review of Of Mice and Men  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello benjamin Author Icon

Oh this was so funny! Even to one of the fairer sex who has shouted the same demand - well, a bit differently. *Laugh* "You be the man and take care of it!" Okay, so that didn't go over so well. Anyway, I enjoyed your anecdote and giggled my way through the whole story.

No suggestions for edit *Cut*:

Overall, very amusing and enjoyable. Keep writing!

Regards,
Kim
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404
Review of Cracked Places  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Harry Matthews Author Icon

What a beautiful poem! Breathtaking thoughts - narration. Sad of course, because it deals with death but the emotions are reverant and honorable. I really enjoyed this. Keep writing.

No suggestions for edit *Cut*:

Overall, a thought-provoking image.

Regards,
Kim
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405
Review of A Silk Wish  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Ryguy Author Icon

I have to say this is stunning. It has a very unique rolling style that at times seemed rambly but also the narrative's style. It seemed very anecdotal as if I heard it at a dinner party. Like old friends catching up.

No suggestions for edit *Cut*:

*Heart*Some of your strong points are great descriptives (a bloated Moses) and fabulous phrases (Our red clay candle bowed and arched against a nonexistent wind.), great work!


Overall, a pleasant surprise to read. Write on.

Regards,
Kim
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406
Review of The Pump  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello ceecee Author Icon

Good work creating just this image of a pump. My aunt had an outdoor pump when I was a child and I know just what you're showing. How many times we would lift that heavy handle and hang from it to pull it down!

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Line 9: "since" should be "sense"
*Bullet*Just an opinion, strong hand should stay on the same line.

Overall, good work and thank you for the fun memories.

Regards,
Kim
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407
Review of Waiting  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Lewis Archer Author Icon

Welcome to Writing.com!

I like the feel of this poem. It has the serenity of a haiku.
My favorites are always about nature and the best ones capture the peacefulness of nature.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Line 2: "an end"
*Bullet*Line 4: I think you could take out "the chance to". Just an opinion.

Overall, a lovely poem. I like your work. Keep writing and posting!

Regards,
Kim
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408
408
Review of The Nerd  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hello PirateDuck Author Icon

Welcome to Writing.com! I like your username. *Smile*

I read your item and think it's a great start. The main problem I saw was the fact that you still didn't explain why the nerd was getting beat up at the start. You flash back but don't take it to where/why the nerd gets abused. Perhaps you could show more of the nerd's day, and filter in the description of the nerd, to involve your reader more.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"incoherant screams" ~ A single word is hard put to be incoherent. Suggest gleeful or exultant.
*Bullet*Dialog ~ There should be a line break when you change speakers.
*Bullet*i'll ~ Always capitalize forms of "I".
*Bullet*striaght ~ straight

Overall, a great start! Keep writing!

Regards,
Kim
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409
Review of Motherhood  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello inform1 Author Icon
Welcome to Writing.com! I loved this piece. Very funny and reminded me of my early mommy days. *Laugh*

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Line breaks between paragraphs.
*Bullet*The second to last line in the song - whtasa/whatsa.
*Bullet*Perhaps put an {indent} in front of each line of the song to set it off?
*Bullet*"in my none motherhood days" ~ non-motherhood

Overall, amusing anecdote. Keep us updated and hang in there. *Laugh*

Regards,
Kim
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410
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello ashleyivan

What an unusual form? Is this a set form or something you just created from the top of your head? Very interesting!

Some suggestion for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*The only thing that threw me off was the extra (the) in the second line. I hadn't figured out your meanings yet and it was hard to relate it.

Overall, very fun form.

Regards,
Kim
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411
411
Review of Ashes to ashes.  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Tam Author Icon
Very cool flash fiction. I started out not liking your character's sarcastic tone, but in the end, loved it. Very well done.


Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*20's, 10's and fives ~ spell all numbers out

*Heart*Loved the phrase "like a bad song, great tune but, bad lyrics stuck in your head like someone had crazy glued it to your scalp" *Laugh*

Overall, well written.

Regards,
Kim
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412
Review of Birth  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello Carl S Author Icon
Welcome to Writing.com!
What a beautiful birth story from a father's point of view. I agree, it's hard work! I remember the overwhelming joy of the moment and am glad you got to share the same special moment. Enjoy your little angel.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"thats when I began to panic" ~ that's
*Bullet*Perhaps write about your feelings before Maria started in labor.

Overall, a beautiful moment shared.

Regards,
Kim
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413
Review of Strong Women  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Michelle Jeanette Author Icon

I've picked this item to review during the Mad Mod Review Raid!

I didn't notice at first what category this was in but thought it was lyrics. This could be a song! Somehow shades of Frank Sinatra and I Did It My Way came to mind. Perhaps because it seems to gain strength throughout the poem. I guess it's something to consider.

A suggestion for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Two lines are not capitalized.

Overall, an interesting poem.

Regards,
Kim
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Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello ImaginaryCows Author Icon

I've picked this item to review during the Mad Mod Review Raid!

I admire the imagery you created with your poem. You captured an image of the semi-light just before spring. My favorite line was the last one, the frigid green soldiers that sleep in their bowers. Very nice!

A suggestion for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*The line ending in strife seems a bit forced to rhyme.

Overall, you captured a natural moment quite well.

Regards,
Kim
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415
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello Galen Dane Author Icon

I've picked this item to review during the Mad Mod Review Raid!

This poem really touched my heart. You found the perfect words for these emotions. I like how you touched on the dream, the feelings, and then wrapped up the works with a lovely reassurance.

I can't make comment on the technical form of the poem, I'm not an expert.

No suggestions for edit *Cut*:

Overall, a wonderfully touching write. I hope to read more of your work.

Regards,
Kim
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416
416
Review of From This Window  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello jennie marsland Author Icon
Welcome to Writing.com. I hope you're finding your way around and enjoy our community. Congrats on finishing your novel!

The review:

You created a beautiful poignant image with your poetry. I really admire your work. I don't know if your poem has a specific form but I like the rhythm and images you created. It felt very nostalgic, especially when you repeated the last line. An apropos image of long lost memories.

No suggestions for edit *Cut*:

Overall, very well done. I look forward to reading more.

Regards,
Kim
** Image ID #1284498 Unavailable **
417
417
Review of White Noise  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Layne Author Icon
An interesting palindrome. I'm familiar with headaches, I'm not sure how this related. To me it felt more like a relationship than a headache. Perhaps that's just my view of the poem. No sound - white noise makes me think of when a TV station goes off air for some reason.

No suggestions for edit *Cut*:

Overall, I look forward to reading more of your work. Welcome to Writing.com.

Regards,
Kim
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418
Review of Jackson's Funeral  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello udontno Author Icon
A sad tribute to one lost so young. I don't know how one finds the strength to write these types of things. God bless. One never knows what and when such horrible things could happen and to someone fine like a Boy Scout. I hope fond memories sustain you and help dissipate your grief.

No suggestions for edit *Cut*:

Overall, I think Jackson would be proud of your writing.

Regards,
Kim
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419
Review of MY Million Masks  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello *insert_stereotype_here* Author Icon
I thought I'd stop in and let you know I really liked this poem.
It raised thoughts in me: Don't we all wear masks?
I think of the man who sat in front of me at church and then gave me the one finger salute in the parking lot. *Laugh*

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Line 1: Suggest "want to" instead of "wanna".
*Bullet*Line 6: Why is Remain capitalized?
*Bullet*Line 3, 8, 14, 21, 22, 29, 30: "I" should always be capitalized.
*Bullet*Line 24: Why is Fearing capitalized?
*Bullet*Line 28: Why is Yet capitalized?
*Bullet*Line 32: Capitalize Hell.
*Heart* I liked the concept from line "I feel the mask I wear" ~ How weighty they can be!
*Heart*Awesome last line!!! I imagine a gothic painting of masks littered on a darkened forest floor. Good work.

Overall, an interesting poem with some great images.

Regards,
Kim
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Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Lady Yellowbanks Author Icon

An adorable poem! I could see the chattering flock swirling like a cloud over the dirt clods picking at the feast. Great imagery, I thought of starlings.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"Jillions" seems a bit out of place.

Overall, nice writing. Welcome to Writing.com. I hope to read more in your portfolio. Write on!

Regards,
Kim
** Image ID #856675 Unavailable **
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421
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello terremoto Author Icon
I liked the rhythm and tempo of your poem. It felt almost as if you read it aloud, your breath would get shorter and shorter.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"Fights to smell" seems like a short line.
*Bullet*The last line, suggest taking out "And".
*Bullet*The eighth stanza seems broken up.

Overall, I like the feeling you created with your work. Well done.

Regards,
Kim
** Image ID #856675 Unavailable **
422
422
Review of Poetry Slam  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Jolly_McJ Author Icon

A great write! I enjoyed your humorous alliteration mostly.

No suggestions for edit *Cut*:


Overall, an enjoyable read. You had me smiling and laughing.

Regards,
Kim
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423
Review of An Animal Tale  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Mollie Author IconMail Icon:

I tried your madlib and it turned out pretty funny. I entered all the words as suggested and the story worked out well.

Suggestion for edit:
*Bullet*The sentence "If you have ever seen a ____ drool, that was me that day." was a bit confusing.

Overall, your madlib was very entertaining, thanks for posting!

Regards,
Kim
** Image ID #842310 Unavailable **


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Review of US Presidents  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi there!
What a fun challenge to find all the presidents in your word search puzzle. It took me 4:06 to finish the puzzle. I guess I must have paid a little attention in history class, I recognized quite a few before I had to refer to the list *Laugh* Thanks for posting this challenge.
Write on!
Regards,
Kim
Pink Tulip Signature
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425
Review of Types of Flowers  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi there!
I had fun searching for all your flower words in your word search puzzle. I love gardening so it was especially interesting to me. Although I have always spelled dafodil as "daffodil" Also, the queen anne word seems to have a bug in it. Perhaps you had an apostrophe there? Anyhow, I finished the puzzle in 3:06. Thanks for posting it.
Regards,
Legerdemain
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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/legerdemain/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/17