*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/legerdemain/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/20
Review Requests: OFF
1,502 Public Reviews Given
1,747 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I like to be honest and write about how I feel and what I see. It doesn't mean I'm always right - it means I'm telling you how your work affects me. I'll try to tell you the good with the bad, but don't expect fluff. Fluff sucks.
I'm good at...
Looking at format, spelling and some punctuation...except commas. I hate commas.
Least Favorite Genres
Technical essays, overly detailed fantasies and poetry.
I will not review...
Items that show no obvious effort at editing before promoting for review. If you spell "i" instead of "I", I will close the page and not review it. We're not idiots here.
Public Reviews
Previous ... 16 17 18 19 -20- 21 22 23 24 ... Next
476
476
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Pendleton Hammons
An ironic write about the circles in business. I like the gist to the prose, but there is some passiveness in it. A suggestion for edit would be to remove "and" and "because" from the beginning of the sentences to make it stronger.
Overall, enjoyable.
Regards,
Kim
Sig which I animated.
477
477
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello jeanimoo
*Heart*This is a great resource item for our members! I'm adding it to my favorites. You had helpful items in here that I've never found. Great job.*Thumbsup*
Suggestion for edit *Cut*: You have "Invalid Item"  in your list twice.
Overall, a wonderful compilation!
Regards,
Kim

Sig which I animated.
Logo for Writing.Com Moderators - small.
Check this out! "Special Number Page - Do Not Delete"  Enter by Feb. 14th!
478
478
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello kristopher
An interesting metaphor for writing, a woven web.
Of course some days, I feel quite entangled. LOL
One suggestion for edit: "continued it's design" "It" breaks the possessive rule and does not use an apostrophe.
Overall, well done.
Regards,
Kim

** Image ID #952522 Unavailable **
Logo for Writing.Com Moderators - small.
Check this out! "Special Number Page - Do Not Delete"  Enter by Feb. 14th!
479
479
Review of A Vision In White  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello LittleFox
I really liked this poem. You have some great imagery here!
Suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Add another word to the golden hare line, it seems too short. (quick golden hare, unwary golden hare, hopping golden hare)
*Bullet*"Each hot breath expelled doth shiver," ~ Change "doth shiver" to "shivers"

*Heart*I loved these phrases!
*Bullet*"dying on the crackling air"
*Bullet*"Branches of the clotheless trees"

Overall, good work! Write On!

Regards,
Kim

** Image ID #845799 Unavailable **
Logo for Writing.Com Moderators - small.
Check this out! "Special Number Page - Do Not Delete"  Enter by Feb. 14th!

480
480
Review of Sweet little Jane  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello penypicker

I like your sad poem of sweet little Jane.

Some specific suggestions for edit *Cut*

*Bullet*"our vocal echange" ~ "exchange"
*Bullet*"was a perect dream." ~ "perfect"
*Bullet*"Whats wrong my sweetheart?" ~ "What's"
*Bullet*"Can i comfort you?" ~ "I"
*Bullet*"my heart in distain." ~ "disdain"
*Bullet*"and angel up there" ~ "an"

Overall, interesting prose.

Regards,
Kim

twinkle fairy signature
Logo for Writing.Com Moderators - small.
Check this out! "Special Number Page - Do Not Delete"  Enter by Feb. 14th!{/center}
481
481
Review of Lost Diamond  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello Orion
This is an emotional short story, that I enjoyed. *Smile*
My only suggestion for edit would be to write the story in a stronger voice. Take out the passive "had". It's okay to leave it in past tense, just make it stronger.
*Cut*Example: "Away from all she had known, all the child had known." Could be: Away from all she and the child knew."
Overall, great quick fiction.
Regards,
Kim


** Image ID #925656 Unavailable **
Logo for Writing.Com Moderators - small.
Check this out! "Special Number Page - Do Not Delete"  Enter by Feb. 14th.
482
482
Review of The Tigress  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Danzin_pantz

Welcome to Writing.com!
I hope you enjoy your membership here with our community.

Despite the fact that there is little rhythm in your prose, it is easy to read.
You portray the image of the tigress well, I could envision her from your words. Write on!

No suggestions for edit.

Regards,
Kim


** Image ID #846058 Unavailable **
Logo for Writing.Com Moderators - small.
483
483
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Trivia Ither

Welcome to Writing.com!
This was very funny!!! You have some hilarious character dialog here. Keep writing!

*Cut*Suggestion for edit:
*Bullet**garbs the towel* ~ Should be "grabs".

Overall, this is very entertaining. Write on!

Regards,
Kim


Review Bear signature
Logo for Writing.Com Moderators - small.
Check this out! "Special Number Page - Do Not Delete"  Enter by Feb. 14th!
484
484
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Derani
Welcome to Writing.com!
A lovely poem. I love falling stars!
I like how you wove in a life lesson also.
One suggestion for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"How I wander upon..." ~ Should be "wonder".
I like your whimsical style.
Write on!
Regards,
Kim

** Image ID #925656 Unavailable **
Logo for Writing.Com Moderators - small.
Check this out! "Special Number Page - Do Not Delete"  Enter by Feb. 14th!
485
485
Review of Eyes  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Ink
Welcome to Writing.com!
A great horror story! It certainly creeped me out.
*Cut*Suggestions for edit:
*Bullet*Format:
I would suggest putting line breaks between paragraphs and in dialog when you change speakers. It will make the story easier to read.
*Bullet*Content:
*Right*"need words to get there points across" ~ Should be "their".
*Right*"the fish bobbing up and down" ~ You need another noun, you can't hear fish bobbing.
*Right*"snapped shut on his discover." ~ Should be "discovery".
*Right*“Fowl monster" ~ Should be "foul".

Overall, a great read. Write on!

Regards,
Kim


Review Bear signature
Logo for Writing.Com Moderators - small.
Check this out! "Special Number Page - Do Not Delete"  Enter by Feb. 14th!
486
486
Review of Thanks mom  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello tasina

I think children realize what their parents have done for them more when they are grown up.

*Cut* Suggestions for edit: I would reformat your lines in your edit and make them more cohesive.

Overall, it's very nice to give kudos to mothers.

Regards,
Kim

twinkle fairy signature
Logo for Writing.Com Moderators - small.
Check this out! "Special Number Page - Do Not Delete"  Enter by Feb. 14th!
487
487
Review of Adrift  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Stonewanderer
Welcome to Writing.com!
This is quite emotional for such short prose.
The carrot/stick is a great metaphor for love's struggle.
*Cut*The only suggestion I have for edit is to capitalize all the lines in the second stanza as you have done in the first to make it uniform.
Well done!

Regards,
Kim

Review Bear signature
Logo for Writing.Com Moderators - small.
Check this out! "Special Number Page - Do Not Delete"  Enter by Feb. 14th!
488
488
Review of the old house  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello raymond
What a great metaphor for time.
*Cut*Suggestions for edit:
*Bullet*"it's ceaseless" & "on it's now" ~ should be "its" Possessive of "it" has no apostrophe.
*Bullet*Perhaps add line breaks where your sentences change. I had to reread several times to put the words right.
Overall, I liked the image this work invoked.
Regards,
Kim

Review Bear signature
Logo for Writing.Com Moderators - small.
489
489
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello T_rideRay
Hemp! This is definitely a fact-filled article with some valid argument for the use of hemp in fiber items.
Some gaps in the article are: Why was hemp banned? There also is no summary. Do you want legislation changed? Did you want people to buy hemp products? Is that the purpose of the link at the end?
Overall, very informative.
Regards,
Kim


** Image ID #925656 Unavailable **
Logo for Writing.Com Moderators - small.
Check this out! "Special Number Page - Do Not Delete"  Enter by Feb. 14th!
490
490
Review of The Outside In..  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello Elsie
Interesting poem about a leap of faith and putting trust in love. Well done!

*Cut*Suggestion for edit:
*Bullet* Perhaps condense the prose by breaking lines only after punctuation.

*Heart*My favorite phrase: "You know these words and timeless dreams are all disguised as me;"

Write on!

Regards,
Kim

** Image ID #925656 Unavailable **
Logo for Writing.Com Moderators - small.
Check this out! "Special Number Page - Do Not Delete"  Enter by Feb 14th!
491
491
Review of One Resolution  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Kate - Writing & Reading

Bravo! A very nice haiku! I like the images of kindness as a seedling. *Smile*

*Heart* I hope you entered this in a contest, it's quite good.

*Cut* No suggestions for edit or change. Great job!

Regards,
Kim

** Image ID #925656 Unavailable **
Logo for Writing.Com Moderators - small.
Check this out! "Special Number Page - Do Not Delete"  Enter by Feb. 14th!
492
492
Review of Rumor Has It...  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello kiyasama
What an amusing story! I'm sure this happens in schools (and workplaces) every day. Remember the child's game called "Whisper Down the Lane"? I thought your ending was very clever. No suggestions for edit. Good luck to you, this looks as if it is a contest entry.

Regards,
Kim

** Image ID #925656 Unavailable **
Logo for Writing.Com Moderators - small.
493
493
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello livingclip13
Yes, I'd have to agree with you, pretty weird!
The eternal question that isn't answered is why?
Edit suggestions *Cut*:
*Bullet*"the dirty pear, as it fell from" ~ No comma.
*Bullet*"Unable to move he screatched and hissed." ~ Comma after move. Spell "scratched."
*Bullet*"cats middle" ~ "cat's."
*Bullet*"devouered" ~ "devoured"
*Bullet*"carcuses" ~ "carcasses"
Overall, good and gruesome! Write on!
Regards,
Kim
** Image ID #925656 Unavailable **
494
494
Review of My Everything  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello serahikari

A great emotional write.

*Cut*Content edit suggestions:

*Bullet*Since this is a monologue, perhaps when a question is asked, even rhetorically, it should be answered. I think it would help the flow.

*Bullet*"And with you is stability; possibility." This is fragmented. Perhaps: And being with you means stability, a possibility of strength.

*Bullet*"It’s easier to hide in a mask then face it all." "Then" should be "than."

*Bullet*"You didn’t ask the physco to kill you." I'm not sure what this sentence meant. Also, "psycho."

Phrases I *Heart*:

"I’m not brave enough to fight the system without you."
"I need you with every painful sobbing gasp and every tired movement."
"Nothing will go my way if I don’t do it myself."

Overall, I liked your work, well done!

Regards,
Kim

** Image ID #925656 Unavailable **
** Image ID #1052067 Unavailable **
495
495
Review of My Everything  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello serahikar

A great emotional write.

*Cut*Content edit suggestions:

*Bullet*Since this is a monologue, perhaps when a question is asked, even rhetorically, it should be answered. I think it would help the flow.

*Bullet*"And with you is stability; possibility." This is fragmented. Perhaps: And being with you means stability, a possibility of strength.

*Bullet*"It’s easier to hide in a mask then face it all." "Then" should be "than."

*Bullet*"You didn’t ask the physco to kill you." I'm not sure what this sentence meant. Also, "psycho."

Phrases I *Heart*:

"I’m not brave enough to fight the system without you."
"I need you with every painful sobbing gasp and every tired movement."
"Nothing will go my way if I don’t do it myself."

*Reading*Overall, I liked your work, well done!

Regards,
Kim

** Image ID #952522 Unavailable **
** Image ID #1052067 Unavailable **
496
496
Review of Ascension  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello gaeliciriquois,
Excellent tale! No suggestions for grammatical edit, one minor note: You didn't name your last chapter. *Smile* I only noticed this on the third read, I was entranced the first two times. I agree, it's ready for publication. I suggest fantasy as genre, as religion does not seem to fit. I look forward to reading more of your work.
Write On!
Regards,
Kim

** Image ID #925656 Unavailable **
Logo for Writing.Com Moderators - small.
497
497
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello Gavin ,

*Smile*Welcome to Writing.com! I hope you find this site to be as helpful and rewarding as I do.

*Heart*I enjoyed your story for its wonderful descriptive qualities and your imaginative similes. I have no suggestions for edit. The only question you left hanging for your reader was "Was Naima really a suicide terrorist?"

*Delight*Overall, an excellent tale with a thought-provoking twist. Well done!

*Snow1*Regards,*Snow3*
Kim

** Image ID #925656 Unavailable **
498
498
Review of The Codicil  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Teddy,
This is a great hook! I clicked on your item because of the unusual title and found your amusing story. Are you going to write more? I imagine this expanding into a very funny story. No suggestions for editing. Well done.
Regards,
Kim

** Image ID #925656 Unavailable **
Logo for Writing.Com Moderators - small.
499
499
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello P.S. Foster

What an amusing and charming story! It's so typical of what boys will do when they're bored. LOL I really don't have a suggestion for edit. Your dialog was very funny and I loved when Jr. gave him the "shut up" look. *Laugh* Overall this was a great anecdote that I enjoyed reading. Write on!

Regards,
Kim
500
500
Review of Only a Whisper  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Cardawnia ,

This was a very beautiful prayer. *Smile* I could tell it was heartfelt. I especially liked the line: "Thank-you, Lord, for being only a breath away, a word away.

I only have one suggestion for edit:
*Bullet*"never more"
*Idea*"nevermore"

Overall, it was a beautiful prayer about His promise.

Regards,
Kim

** Image ID #895317 Unavailable **
579 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 24 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/legerdemain/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/20