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Review Requests: ON
1,480 Public Reviews Given
3,415 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I am honest, but kind and encouraging. I will offer ideas if something strikes me.
I'm good at...
Poetry is my first love.
Favorite Genres
relationship, romance, drama, and things which break the heart
I will not review...
I don't have the proper time to review novels, chapters, and things of that nature. Plus, they aren't my strongest suit. I'm not comfortable with critiquing items that I couldn't create, but I have a great appreciation/envy for those who can*Smile*
Public Reviews
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476
476
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey Rebecca,
Well, I have to say that this looks like it may have been a tough topic to write about. I think that this will warm the hearts of parents even if they don't have an Autistic child. I have left some suggestions below. I hope you don't mind.

Three words, unsaid, but heard, while not spoken
*Bullet* There's nothing wrong with saying while not spoken, but I think while left unspoken seems to fit that line more naturally. My initial reaction is to say omit "unsaid" because the last part of this line already implies that they aren't vocalized, but I see your point in having there.

tell more stories then a thousand voices
*Bullet* than a thousand

He will never be the like of other boys
*Bullet* I know what you're saying here, but it reads smoother like this:
He will never be like other boys

I have a soft spot for children, so I can appreciate what you set out to do here.

Write on!
~ Lexi
477
477
Review of IF I COULD  
Review by Lexi
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hi Mario, Welcome to Writing.Com!

You have a romance/love poem and it's typed in all caps. The problem with that is people can associate all caps with YELLING AND ANGER. Your poem is about depression and heartbreak, so it seems inappropriate here. It can be difficult on the eyes as well. Also, I noticed a few things and I hope you don't mind me pointing them out to you.

*Bullet* SEPERATE- separate

*Bullet* HEART,SOUL,SPIRT- you need spaces between the commas and the words. Also, spirt should be spirit.

The meaning of your poem will still get across to the readers if you type your words in normal size.

Write on!
~Lexi
478
478
Review of Separation  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (3.0)
Jamuna,

Welcome to Writing.Com! I hope you don't mind me commenting.

I'm not sure why you decided to put a space in between every sentence in this short story. It's a good idea to use spacing in between paragraphs, but I don't think it needs to be that way within the paragraph itself.

*Bullet* Title and brief description- seperation- separation

I know it is my heart that makes me feel so, but does he know how I feel?
*Question* What do you mean by "makes my heart feel so"? Show the readers what you're feeling here.

*Bullet* Try expanding this piece some. We're told that he left because he chose another, but maybe explain to the readers why he decided to not choose you.

Write on!
~ Lexi
479
479
Review of Break me  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (2.0)
ForgottenMystery,

In this piece you have it labeled as a poem, but you have it in sentence form. I think if you make some line breaks and use the correct spellings for the words, your poem will be received better. Also, if you decide to not use line breaks you at least need to put spaces after your commas and the words to follow.

Fallin faster,no escape,my heart is urs for u to break,hurt me badly,break me hard, make me learn that love is just a playin card

*Idea* Here's what I mean:

Falling faster
no escape
my heart is yours
for you to break
hurt me badly
break me hard
make me learn
that love
is just a playing card

*Thumbsup* I like your theme and message of the poem. I think with the breaks this way it resembles a poem instead of a sentence.

If you decide to make any changes I'd be happy to take another look.

Write on!
~Lexi
480
480
Review of As One  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hey there, Kayla! I saw that you needed help with finding a title for this. Well, after reading it these are my suggestions:
*Idea* This Thing Between Us
*Idea* Taking Chances
*Idea* Definitions of Us/Defining Us/Definitive Love


can‘t get no higher
*Bullet* This sounds like you are talking in slang. Try can't get any higher

No feeling like this before , could it be?
*Bullet* You only need a space after the comma, not before it.

way as I did at the start.
*Bullet* Try from the start. It seems to sound smoother there.

To it there is more then ten thousand
*Bullet* more than

But the one word I got, is you, in my head
*Bullet* How about the one word I have? For this type of poem and its tone that way of phrasing sounds better.

Write on!
~ Lexi
481
481
Review by Lexi
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Ridinghood,

I like alliteration and imagery, so I'm happy to see that you managed to get some in this poem*Wink*

Embrace your demons,
collude and coddle
dragons simmering underground
*Bullet* A triad is a poem composed of three tercets. It is a consideration of three things and their effect on a person. In the stanza above, I see advice on what to do as young writers. I don't see three specific things and the effects they have on you, or the people you are advising.

Good luck in "Invalid Item" .
~ Lexi
482
482
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Erin!

I thought that you had chosen to use onomatopoeias when I saw your title, so I was interested in seeing how personification would come in to play here. I noticed a few things while reading this, so I hope you don't mind my suggestions.

Lightening crashes
*Bullet* Lightning- Lightening pertains to delivery and babies, or making something brighter or less heavy*Wink*

*Question* I see your personification reference in the sky breathes. Why not do that in a few other areas as well?

The wind picks up
*Idea* The wind laughs

Lights flood the sky
*Idea*Lights swim across the sky

The sun returns
*Idea*The sun dances

Good luck in "Invalid Item" 
~ Lexi
483
483
Review by Lexi
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
Melode,

It certainly hurts when we feel like we have been taken for granted. I have offered you some suggestions. I hope you don't mind.

Title: Felling the pain within
*Bullet* Feeling The Pain Within

Brief description: thoughs
*Bullet* thoughts

*Bullet* You have this as poetry, but it's format is more like prose. One way you can fix that is by placing line breaks and cutting back a few words. That will also help the areas in which you have run-ons. As I sit here felling the pain that u have put apon and not giving a worried about what i feel inside.- Take a look below to see what I mean:
*Idea*I sit here feeling
the pain you have put upon me.
You never give me worried looks,
or show concern for what I feel.

*Bullet* Also, you have several areas where "u" should be you.

All there thoughs
*Bullet* All the thoughts

i dont want
*Bullet* I don't- You have several places in which they need to be capitalized.

get in returne
*Bullet* return

how it all feel apart and how i was held respondable
*Bullet* fell apart and responsible

Its hard to love some one
It's and someone

If you decide to make any changes I would be happy to take another look.

Write on!
~ Lexi
484
484
Review of Tears  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (3.5)
Faith,
You might want to try listing this poem under a few different genres. It'll help you get more views when people use the search tool. *Idea* emotional, drama, inspirational

They can be used for happiness,
sadness, and anything else.
When these have stopped coming
from our eyes they start pouring
from our hearts.

*Bullet* Since this is the beginning of your poem why don't you tell us what you mean by "they". Also, I think you could rework this stanza so it sounds more crisp.
Tears fall in times
of happiness and sadness.
When our eyes can't cry anymore
tears pour from our from our hearts.

Write on!
~ Lexi
485
485
Review of Saved  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (4.0)
Potterpal,
Your poem is simple which makes it easy to understand. I noticed a few things while reading this. I hope you don't mind my suggestions.

my sins the only sound
*Bullet* are the only sound

All I see is darkness
*Bullet* You mention that your in a darkened room already. Try finding another word to replace "darkness". Maybe any empty path- since you are talking about the things you have done wrong and evil prevailing?

sayingn how I should behave
*Bullet* saying

It's thanks to god and faith and love
*Bullet* God- Also, think about omitting the "and" after "God" and replacing it with a comma.

that I am truely saved
*Bullet* truly

Write on!
~ Lexi
486
486
Review of Dreams  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (3.0)
Selasting,

I noticed a few things while reading your poem. I hope you don't mind me pointing them out to you.

brief description- drams
*Bullet* dreams

changes bewelder all mortal eye.
*Bullet* bewilder Also, eye should be plural.

For at night makes time non ending,
*Bullet* It sounds weird to start this line off with "for". "Non ending" isn't a word. Night makes time seem endless

perpechaly frezing
*Bullet* perpetually freezing

this time unadvancing
*Bullet* "Unadvancing isn't a word. How about: not advancing?

force weavs
*Bullet* weaves

narvana
*Bullet*nirvana

That's an aternity
*Bullet* Do you mean eternity?

we are illuded
*Bullet*eluded

world of embrased
*Bullet*embarrassed

life with out
*Bullet* without

*Note1* After you create an item a good device to use is the word count and spell checker. You'll find it on all the pages of your stories and poems.

Dreams a good source for inspiration. I would be happy to take another look if you make some changes.

Write on!
~ Lexi
487
487
Review of Tyler  
Review by Lexi
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Rebecca,

I appreciate you using imagery throughout this poem. It really makes a difference when the reader is able to paint a picture from your words. I have a few suggestions. I hope you don't mind me offering them.

we made no love among the pines
*Bullet* It sounds much better when you reword the line like this: We didn't make love among the pines.

And stained my teeth with purple wine
*Bullet* This line is fine, but the image I get is a freakish and horrifying one. I'm not sure you meant to go that direction. How about replacing "teeth" with lips?

Nice job!
~Lexi
488
488
Review of Heroes  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (3.0)
Faith,
I think it's important to remember today and the aftermath of the tragedy. I hope you don't mind me pointing some things out to you.

*Bullet* Line breaks show a pause and there are a few areas in which your line breaks seem awkward. Also, some of your punctuation is off. It's unnecessary to use a comma after every line.

They come and go when they please,
when they go they make a,
difference in everyont's heat and souls, everyones heart and soul
they come in many races, colors, and
religions,

*Idea* Here's how the first few lines would look if you used my suggestions:
They come and go when they please.
When they go they make a difference
in everyones heart and soul.
They come in many races, colors, and religions.

*Bullet* The word "they" appears in this poem 14 times. Maybe try using another word as a replacement. Writing.com has a tool called the Ideanary which is located on your Site Navigator under Site Tools. It's a good choice to use it when you find yourself reusing the same word too much.

memeories in our hearts
*Bullet* memories

If you're interested in letting me help you with the line breaks throughout the rest of your poem, I'd be glad to help.

Write on!
~ Lexi
489
489
Review of Sadend Rain  
Review by Lexi
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Jess,

Welcome to Writing.Com! As I was reading this I noticed a few things. I hope you don't mind that I pointed them out to you.

*Bullet* Title: Sadend Rain- Saddened

The black night, And only a dim lit street light to comfort my sorrow.
*Bullet* By having a period there you have this as a complete thought, but it's not. An easy fix would be: The black night/And only a dim lit streetlight comforted my sorrow. Also, a comma isn't needed after "night". Your line break already shows a pause.

*Bullet* street light- If it's the thing on the pole, it's streetlight. If you mean the light outside vs. the light inside, then it's street light.

As it downpoured
*Bullet* down-poured/down poured or you could go with As it poured down.

I felt the rain drops dripping down my face
*Bullet* You've just used the word "down" in the previous line and again later in the poem. A good device to use when writing is the Ideanary which is located on your Site Navigator under Site Tools. You can easily find a replacement word for "down" there. Raindrops is a closed compound.

My hair wet and shading my face.
*Bullet* This is a fragment, so a period isn't needed.

I like that the raindrops were actually your tears in the end. Nice work there!

Write on,
~ Lexi
490
490
Review of Forgotten Souls  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (4.0)
Awand,

Your poem shows your gratitude toward the soldiers that lost their lives. I noticed a few things while reading this. I hope you don't mind me pointing them out to you.

I gazed upon the headstones,
I was in dismay.
*Bullet* This line is short compared to the rest, so how about: with great sorrow and dismay?

The graves are now forgotten,
Not a flower did I see.
*Bullet* The second half throws me off. It sounds like broken English. How about There'e not a flower left to see?

When I visit again this graveyard,
My hat will I tip to the mounds,
*Bullet* Again, this sounds strange when you have it worded this way. Also, the second line sounds like you are asking if you're going to tip your hat. You don't have "graveyard" rhyming with anything, so try: When I visit this graveyard again/ I will tip my hat to the mounds.

lying there,the one's fighting today
*Bullet* You need a space between the comma and "the".

And bless the hero's
heroes- You aren't trying to show possession here, only that there's more than one.

I dedicate this to all the hero's
*Bullet* heroes- because you mean more than one.

Your ideas are here and you do honor the soldiers. I just think your poem will sound smoother and be more appealing if you change a few of those lines I suggested.

I'd be happy to take another look should you decide to make any changes.
Write on!
~Lexi
491
491
Review of Faded  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (4.0)
Toto,

Nice metaphorical poem!

*Note1* Just a few ideas:

I had all the words wrote down,
*Bullet* written- would be the right tense

as every word got lost
*Bullet* Try: as every word faltered- "got lost" affects the flow of that stanza

Keep writing,
~ Lexi
492
492
Review by Lexi
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi Renee,

This song's a fun one to choose! The only suggestions I have for you are to maybe think about saying W-Dot-C since the "D" stands for the dot and not part of the name of Writing.Com.

And if you will stick with it, this site will make an author of you
*Bullet* Try this in each refrain: will make an author out of you- it keeps with the tune's pace.

Thank you for celebrating Writing.Com 6th birthday by entering in "Pen Me A Parody- Writing.Com Contest!"  and good luck!

~ Lexi
493
493
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (4.5)
Wow! Voxxylady,

What a great and challenging song to take on! You're making me want to rent "Footloose"! You did a great job in the opening. It went along with the tune smoothly. I like that you included the original song lyrics at the bottom to make it an easy reference point for the readers. Once quick suggestion...

*Bullet* I may just give up- Try: I may just give it up- it seems to keeps the rhythm.

Thank you for celebrating Writing.Com's 6th Birthday by entering in "Pen Me A Parody- Writing.Com Contest!"  and good luck!
~ Lexi

Psst, not sure if you this, but know that both Mike Reno and Ann Wilson sing this song.
494
494
Review by Lexi
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Kenzie,

I have to say that this is heartbreaking, but very educational. My heart goes out to you for having to deal with such issues. I can only imagine what this must have been like for you. I hope you don't mind me offering a suggestion to you.

*Bullet* The only thing I would think about changing is the 5th paragraph. I got a bit confused at first, so I read it a few times. I think the second sentence throws off the previous one. Maybe think about switching their placements because they both make valid and crucial points. Start off having the thought that your mom was taught drinking was evil and then lead into her having an issue with it.

*Exclaim* Great brief description!

I really hope that the bad memories fade and you're only left with the good ones.

Write on!
~ Lexi
495
495
Review of Relived Beauty  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (3.0)
Angel,
Welcome to Writing.Com! I think your poem has an inspiring message. I have offered you a few suggestions. I hope you don't mind.

Today I took a trip into a river
Down a stream, into a bay & into the sea
*Bullet* The progression you're trying to make will come across clearer if you switch "river" and "stream". Start out in a stream (the smallest body of water) and work your way to the sea (the biggest body of water). Your poem is about gaining possibilities. This shows how they grow.

Opening a whole new worlds of possibilities
*Bullet* Opening a new world of possibilities or Opening new worlds of possibilities.- This depends on what you're trying to say.

Write on!
~ Lexi
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
496
496
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (3.0)
I Love,

Welcome to Writing.Com! I think many people will agree with you here; love is complicated. I hope you don't mind me pointing some things out to you.

to squeeze me in you arms
*Bullet* in your arms

I want you to show me,/ the way from harm.- This line is a bit confusing. It sounds like you want to know how to get to harm. Also, you don't need a comma after me. Maybe try something like:
*Bullet* I want you to keep me/ away from all harm

To help me in bad times,/and hold me in good.
*Bullet* This line is a fragment and you have it as a complete thought. If you omit the word "to" it isn't a fragment anymore.

no not at all
*Bullet* no, not at all

I'll I ask,
*Bullet* All I ask

Write on!
~ Lexi
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
497
497
Review of If I Could  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (3.0)
Princess,

Welcome to Writing.Com! I think if you try breaking up your lines a little bit this would look more like a poem. Also, there's a few words that aren't correct in grammar. Take a look and see what I mean...

*Bullet* You say:
If I could be someplace where life won't hurt
If I could run away and hide someplace where no-one can see me cry..


*Idea* Try something like this:
If I could run away
and find a place to hide,
my life wouldn't hurt;
there'd be no tears to cry.

*Up* This is formatted more like a poem. It's still your basic idea, but it reads a bit cleaner.

*Bullet* brief description- todays problems- today's

And turn my heard
*Bullet*did you mean head?

then nothing would hurt no more
*Bullet*I wouldn't hurt anymore

Write on!
~ Lexi

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
498
498
Review of Dreaming of you  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (3.0)
Brigid, Welcome to Writing.Com!

I can understand what you are saying in this poem, but I think it's too direct. I can't put an image to your words. I think if you throw in some imagery your poem will be much better.

You say:
But you are not here
But I know you will be here soon
Back home to us
Back to us.

*Idea*Here's what I mean:
I stand in an empty room,
waiting for your arms to embrace me.
Return to me,
where it feels like home.

*Up* When imagery is added I can actually visualize the scenes.

*Note1* Its you who
*Bullet* it's because you mean it is you.

Write on!
~ Lexi

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
499
499
Review of A Burning Despair  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (3.0)
Gordan,
Welcome to Writing.Com! I have offered you a few suggestions. I hope you don't mind.

a burning despair cuddled us
*Bullet* When I hear the phrase "burning despair" I think of something painful, so "cuddled" is too cute of a word for that line. confined, trapped

he whispered fragile
*Bullet* an adverb should be following your verb here, otherwise you are saying he whispered the word "fragile". gently, softly, sweetly

she loved a languishing rose kindly
*Bullet* I'm not sure if you know what "languishing" means. It means to exist or continue living in miserable conditions. It doesn't make sense there.

she shouted from me/the mouth shouted for the languishing fantasy
*Bullet* Do you mean "she shouted for me?

If you have any questions about the site, don't hesitate to email me.
Write on!
~ Lexi

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
500
500
Review of Clouds on Parade  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (4.0)
Welcome to Writing.Com Rl!
I like the theme of this poem. Your title gives me a mental image. I think with a few changes your poem can shine more, so I offered a few suggestions. I hope you don't mind.

The clouds drift like
they're on parade.
*Bullet* Having the line break (pause) after "like" is a bit awkward. Try ending that line with "drift" and beginning the next one with "like".

Where they're bound not knowing, nor where they're made.
*Bullet* having the word "nor" makes this difficult to understand. Nor is paired with neither (neither this one nor that one). Also, you started this as a new thought. I think if you cut out "where" the line reads much better and your meaning is clearer. How about They're bound not knowing where they've been made.

from an unknown place
*Bullet* You've used a form of the word "know" earlier. You can use your ideanary which is located under site tools in your site navigator to help you find words that mean the same thing. Maybe something like from a foreign place?

unsolicited begining,
unpredictable end.
*Bullet*beginning- Also, I think "unpredictable ending" sounds much better.

Write on!
~ Lexi

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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