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Review Requests: ON
1,480 Public Reviews Given
3,415 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I am honest, but kind and encouraging. I will offer ideas if something strikes me.
I'm good at...
Poetry is my first love.
Favorite Genres
relationship, romance, drama, and things which break the heart
I will not review...
I don't have the proper time to review novels, chapters, and things of that nature. Plus, they aren't my strongest suit. I'm not comfortable with critiquing items that I couldn't create, but I have a great appreciation/envy for those who can*Smile*
Public Reviews
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451
451
Review of The House Of Riz  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (4.0)
Grivante,
This isn't normally something I'd read becasue I don't know a whole bunch about this sort of thing. It was entertaining to read about Christine's experience though. I noticed a few things while reading this. I hope you don't mind me pointing them out to you.

*Note1* In Your Intro:
release some issue’s that
*Bullet* issues
some past lifes
*Bullet* lives

*Paragraph* 5
part of a labrynth
*Bullet* labyrinth

*Paragraph*14
Wrapping it’s long fingers around her and binding here
*Bullet* Wrapping its and binding her

Write on!
~ Lexi
452
452
Review by Lexi
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi Nawab and Welcome to Writing.Com! It was a good idea to show people what could be in store for with marrying into a new family. I noticed a few things while reading this. I hope you don't mind me pointing them out to you.

*Bullet* brief description- weding- wedding

*Paragraph* 2
your childs day
*Bullet* child's day

*Paragraph* 5
wedding and that is the accomodation
*Bullet* accommodation

*Note1* Try putting your section headers in bold or underlining them. It'll make them stand out and look sharp!

Overwhelmed Section
those who find everthing
*Bullet* everything

We Know What’s Best For Johnny Lot Section
hiding behing
*Bullet* behind
sole autorities
*Bullet* authorities
no ammount
*Bullet* amount
human buldozers
*Bullet*bulldozers

Offended Section
better judgement
*Bullet*judgment

The We Can’t deciders Section
*Idea* Since "deciders" isn't a word why not change the name of this section to The Indecisive
prepare your vallium
*Bullet* Valium

Public Speakers Section
dinner speach
*Bullet*speech

Gentry Section
demonstrate thier level
*Bullet*their

The Hillbillies Section
most excentric
*Bullet*eccentric
they bought espacially
*Bullet*especially
your childs wedding
*Bullet*child's

The Grandparents Section
tha grandparents are
*Bullet*the

The Hippies Section
varacose
*Bullet*varicose

The Bikers Section
Taquilla shots
*Bullet*Tequila

“any excuse for a drink” Section
exept
*Bullet*except

Paranoid Section
wierd
*Bullet* weird

*Bullet* Unfortunately, I know a few people that fit into the "best friend" category. I think it's funny how easily that phrase gets thrown around. I think you make some valid points throughout this piece. Marrying someone and taking on a new family can bring unexpected things. You give the readers a heads up here*Smile* I like that you have divided the types into different sections. I'm sure many of us have met people that could fit into several of these sections! I think that if there weren't any spelling issues this would considered for a feature in a newsletter.

Keep Writing!
~ Lexi
453
453
Review of Sick of Hiding  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (3.5)
Welcome to Writing.Com, Amandaaea!

Your poem has a good message. I hope you don't mind me pointing out a few things I noticed.

*Bullet* You should try putting a content and intro rating on this item so it doesn't get filtered out. Writing.Com uses one just in case something isn't suitable for all ages. This could easily be rated "E".

yet hoping it's not to late
*Bullet* too late

Write on!
~ Lexi
454
454
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi Steven,
Welcome to Writing.Com! I have to say this is quite different than what I am used to reading. I found this to be a bit like a rant*Smile* I hope you don't mind my comments and suggestions.

*Bullet* You may want to double space in between paragraphs, and indent every new paragraph because it's easier on the eyes.

*Bullet* Try listing this under a few different genres to help gain exposure.

*Bullet* Title: Is this to much to ask?
Is This Too Much

the only rythm we
*Bullet* rhythm

as the english teacher recives
*Bullet* English and receives

thank you God for this strong faithfull
*Bullet* Thank you and faithful

*Bullet* There are a few words that need apostrophes. (like that's, let's)

Keep writing,
~ Lexi
455
455
Review of My lover  
Review by Lexi
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Beauty,
Hi there! You should try listing this under romance/love and relationship genres to help you gain exposure. I noticed a few things while reading this. I hope you don't mind me offering suggestions and commenting.

why most you hurt me- first and last stanza
*Bullet* must you hurt me
dont be so cruel.
*Bullet* don't
Why do you look at me with those eyes,
that I can hide my secrets in.
*Bullet* I think this line would sound cleaner if you made different line breaks. It would improve the format as well as the sound.
*Idea* Why do you look at me
with eyes I can hide my secrets in

Sweetheart your touch has made me realize that I want to live for you.
My love, dont be so cruel to me,
ask for anything that your heart desires, but dont ask for seperation
*Bullet* I noticed that some of your lines are much longer than others. I think you could cut back on some of your wording and still get your message across. The format of your poem will look much better if you use this suggestion in a few areas.
*Idea* Try something like this:
Sweetheart, your touch
makes me want to live for you.
My love, don't be so cruel to me.
Ask me for your heart's desires,
but don't ask for separation.

to wish to worship you.
*Bullet* You don't need the first "to" there. It throws the line off.

Your so pretty
*Bullet* you're- because you mean "you are pretty".

I'd be happy to take another look if you decide to make any changes.
Write on!
~ Lexi
456
456
Review of Daydreams  
Review by Lexi
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Lorilady,
I know writing double acrostics can be tough, but it feels great when you complete the piece. I hope you don't mind my comments and suggestions.

*Thumbsup* I like that you challenge yourself by using words that give the reader a mental picture.

Sojourns from life's dissapointments
*Bullet*disappointments
*Bullet* The word "sojourn" means a "short stay", so this line doesn't make sense. It doesn't mean "to get away from" something, but that's how you use it here. How about something like:
*Idea* Symptoms of life's disappointments

Write on!
~ Lexi
457
457
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Frank,

Welcome to Writing.Com! I hope you don't mind my suggestions and comments.

*Thumbsup* Nice use of personification here! You've given human characteristics to the sun and stars. Also, I like that you have used imagery in order to show the readers a mental picture.

*Bullet* I think you have an interesting thought here, but I also think you could express it better. For example, you repeat one stanza three times in a five stanza poem. Having them so close together makes it sound redundant. The reader knows what's coming and there's no surprise. If you took away 2 of the stanzas you'd have the same meaning to your poem. I would suggest taking two of the repetitions and try changing them up a bit, so it sounds fresh to your readers.

tongue tied
*Bullet* tongue-tied
absent minded
*Bullet* absent-minded

distilled darkest dark of the Night
*Bullet* In this line you use "dark" twice which is already implied by it being night. This still keeps your alliteration:
*Idea* deepest dark

Moonlight hides behind liars eyes.
*Bullet* liar's eyes

Sars at Sunrise
*Bullet* stars

*Question* Throughout the poem you have chosen to capitalize some words and I'm confused by it. Is there a reasoning behind this?

I'd be happy to take another look if you decide to make any changes.
Write on!
~ Lexi
458
458
Review of Touch and Go  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Egg,
I think you have done a good job mixing romance and action in this short story. I noticed a few things while reading this. I hope you don't mind me pointing them out to you.

*Bullet* Try double spacing in between paragraphs. It's easier on the eyes and helps the readers to not lose their places.

2nd Part
when she had received a call reporting a dishevelled woman
*Bullet* disheveled
dressed in pyjama bottoms
*Bullet* pajama

6th Part
Starbucks coffee cup
*Bullet* Starbuck's coffee cup
- You're not just referring to the company name here.

*Bullet* I'm not sure if you are aware of this, but you've used apostrohes for your quotes in dialogue sections, instead of using "quotation marks". You may want to recheck that.

Write on!
~ Lexi
459
459
Review of paradise  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (3.5)
LillyPad,

You have some vivid imagery in this prose! It allows me to envision through your words. I noticed a few things while reading this. I hope you don't mind my comments and suggestions.

thousand little snow flakes
*Bullet* snowflakes
the face of that lilly
*Bullet* lily
reminds me of angels wings
*Bullet* angel wings
embrased by that
drift into the relm
*Bullet* realm
let that water lilly
*Bullet* waterlily

*Bullet* There's a few place where you haven't capitalized the beginning of your sentences. Also, you didn't capitalize "I" and "God" throughout the prose.

Write on!
~ Lexi
460
460
Review of Sisterhood  
Review by Lexi
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Smiley,
I think you make some good points about what it is like for sisters. You should try listing this under the family and relationship genres to help you gain more exposure. I hope you don't mind me pointing out a few things I noticed while I was reading this.

I guess its true
*Bullet* it's- because you mean it is true
Thats how sisters end up fighting.
*Bullet* That's
Its enraging when 2 sisters share secrets and leave that one sister clueless.
*Bullet* It's Also, I would "that one" to the other
Thats what drives your
*Bullet* That's
When it comes to consoling the younger sister always gives the hugs and questions, the older always the advice.
*Bullet* always offers the advice
unhuman things-for example
*Bullet* inhuman things. For example,
it definately would'nt be mine.
*Bullet* definitely
arent so last century
*Bullet* aren't
Thats what sisters
*Bullet* That's

Write on!
~ Lexi
461
461
Review of TABLE FOR ONE  
Review by Lexi
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
CountryMom,
I hope you don't mind my comments and suggestions.

*Thumbsup* Your poem has a lovely romantic tale to it. I think the final line of your last stanza is strong and ties this piece together nicely.

Melancoly music
*Bullet* Melancholy

*Idea* Try moving the 3rd stanza to the first. The transition seems more natural when I read it that way.

Thank you for entering round 31 of "Lexi's Poetry Challenge"  and good luck! Keep your eyes open for the next round.
~ Lexi
462
462
Review of Kiss My Lips  
Review by Lexi
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
Welcome to Writing.Com 2beautiful7g!

I don't know a bunch about writing lyrics, but because it's similar to poetry I'm offering a few suggestions.

And I need to get away into your arms
*Idea* And I need to escape into your arms
We can drown in this love that we found
*Idea* We can drown in the love we found
You say your just here to please,
*Bullet* you're because you mean you are here

Write on!
~ Lexi
463
463
Review of Open Window  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (3.5)
New Writer,

I hope you don't mind my comments and suggestions.

*Thumbsup* Your poem shows that we shouldn't take the simple things in life for granted.

The neighbors pine tree
*Bullet* neighbor's pine trees

Children
Screaming with joy.
*Bullet* Even though you say with joy the image of a child screaming doesn't match the tone of this poem. How about:
*Idea* Children
Laughing with joy.

Thank you for entering round 31 of "Lexi's Poetry Challenge"  and good luck! Please keep your eyes open for the next round.
~ Lexi
464
464
Review of What It's Worth  
Review by Lexi
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Dawn,

I hope you don't mind my comments and suggestions.

*Thumbsup* I think you have touched base on a difficult subject. There's probably quite a few people that lose someone and never get the chance to say their proper goodbyes. This poem shows that.

*Thumbsup* Your first stanza gives the impression of someone who is in a predicament that is rather strict and guarded. This sets things up for the denial of your visit.

*Bullet* Some of your lines appear fairly longer than the stanza that begins the poem. I think if you cut back some of your wording, or made a few line breaks your message would still be effective. For example, since we know it's in the hospital and we know you're not allowed in you could cut back "in the waiting room". It's already implied in the poem.

Weeks I spent in the waiting room
Trying to visit
But each time was told the same thing
"Only immediate family allowed"
As if the one you spent the last twenty years with
Wasn't immediate enough

*Idea* My suggestion:
I spent weeks trying to visit,
But each time I was denied,
"Only immediate family allowed."
Spending twenty years with you
Wasn't immediate enough.

*Up* I think the format would look cleaner and the lines would sound smoother if you try doing something like that to the rest of your poem. It still keeps your main ideas and the word changes are minimal.

I do admire you for putting a poem like this out there!

Thank you for entering "Lexi's Poetry Challenge"  and good luck! Keep your eyes open for the next round.
~ Lexi
465
465
Review of Under The Wire  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (4.5)
Mrs. H,
I hope you don't mind my comments and suggestions.

*Thumbsup* I got quite a chuckle out of this! I saw that it was listed under comedy, but I still didn't expect it*Smile*

You never can be sure just what might happen to you.
*Bullet* You open and close with this line and I just have one minor suggestion for you. Consider trying this instead of using "just what":
*Idea* You can never be sure of what

Thank you for entering round 31 of "Lexi's Poetry Challenge"  and good luck! Please keep your eyes open for the next round.
~ Lexi
466
466
Review of Somnambulating  
Review by Lexi
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Scythian,

I hope you don't mind me offering some suggestions and comments to you.

Fight the hardiest of galls
*Bullet* I understand what you're saying here, but this is really a strange way to say it.
*Idea* Fight the caustic galls or Fight the piercing galls

Crumbling in your pleasance
*Bullet* Did you mean in your presence?

Of this I am witness
*Bullet* You begin a stanza like this and I think you could find a better way to begin it. Even something as simple as: I am a witness

*Question* I know amalgamation means to combine or unite into one form, but this is an odd sounding word for how you use the term. You use the phrase Dream of amalgamation- I'm left wondering what are you trying to make into one form?

I'd be happy to take another look if you decide to make any changes.

Write on!
~ Lexi
467
467
Review by Lexi
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
CrystalWizard,
Okay, I can see you have this written in this jargon for a reason, but there are still a few things I noticed.

he kicked his fleamobile
*Bullet* flea-mobile

with that cop right behind us untill
*Bullet* until

turned on that wench, and wraped the cable around the
*Bullet* wrapped

Took up hocky
*Bullet* hockey

a picture of her holdin' that cable, starein' out
*Bullet* starin'

middle of no-where in texas
*Bullet* nowhere and Texas should always be capitalized.

*Bullet* You have a few places where you have cept instead of 'cept in the dialogue.

*Bullet* You have this listed as a fiction piece, but have the format centered like a poem. I think it would work better if you took the centering off. It'd look even and wouldn't have line breaks in the middle of your sentences.

I'd happy to take another look if you decide to make any changes.
Good luck with this!
~ Lexi
468
468
Review by Lexi
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
Voorhees,
Welcome to Writing.Com! Your title intrigued me, so I decided to stop in. I hope you don't mind me pointing some things out that I noticed.

wonderin
*Bullet* wondering
cornocopia
*Bullet* cornucopia
painstangly
*Bullet* painstakingly
thru x2
*Bullet* through
coverup
*Bullet* cover up or cover-up
lil relevence lil
*Bullet* relevance- Also, I'm ot certain what you mean by "lil". Do you mean ill?
nonone
*Bullet* no one

*Idea* You have a lot going on in the poem and it gets a bit confusing. I think that if you focus on what your message is and chop this down a bit your meaning will come across clearer.

Keep Writing!
~ Lexi
469
469
Review by Lexi
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Ghezra,
Hi there! I hope you don't mind me commenting or offering suggestions.

*Idea* You spaced between the final two paragraphs and it really is easier on the eyes. Try doing that in between all the paragraphs.

1rst *Paragraph*
"Its not that you arn't looking hard enough, its that you're looking."
*Bullet* aren't looking hard enough, it's
hoping he would reveal to me the answer.
*Bullet* The way this is worded seems awkward. Try: hoping he would reveal the answer to me.
Its a conversation
*Bullet* It's- because you mean it is a conversation- Also, there's quite a few areas where you left out apostrophes. You may want to recheck that.

2nd *Paragraph*
don't know... I feel wierd
*Bullet* weird

Last *Paragraph*
In the air the elder watcher watched
*Bullet* Since the person you refer to is a "watcher" maybe try finding a substitution word for "watched"? When you have trouble finding a word substitution the Ideanary is a great tool to use. You'll find it located under Site Tools in your Site Navigator.
summoned by a distrot
*Bullet* distraught

Write on!
~ Lexi
470
470
Review of Strings of Love  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Ani,
Welcome to Writing.Com! I hope you don't mind my comments and suggestions.

*Thumbsup* I do like your title and theme. Children can be quite the inspiration for us.

*Bullet* a dropp of tear,- drop x2

Your faint, weak wail, brings her so near.
*Bullet*You don't need those two commas in that line. The cause awkward pauses. Also, weak and faint are very similar. Why not try to find another word that works there, but isn't the same in meaning?

When the veil of darkness, falls on your eyes,
*Bullet* No commas are needed here. Punctuation is fine to have in poetry, but sometimes there can be entirely too much. Remember, you don't need to overload your poem with them. Try to only use them when they are needed.

I'd be happy to take another look if you decide to change anything.
Keep Writing!
~ Lexi
471
471
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Christina!

I think a lot of people go through experiences like these. It makes you wonder what it is that keeps drawing you back. It's like a swinging door. My next Romance/Love Newsletter is covering the most romantic songs, so I am using this song as one of my highlighted items. I hope you'll tune in.
472
472
Review of With Two Eyes  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Caili,

I hope you don't mind me offering some suggestions and comments.

*Thumbsup* You focus on something important here. Sometimes we really don't see when our eyes are open. It could be we choose to ignore what's in front of us. Nice job on your message!

*Bullet* brief description- no I'm not relgious- religious

*Bullet* You have this listed as poetry, but it's more like prose. There's really an easy way to fix this and format it into a poem by using line breaks. Also, if you cut back on a few words here and there it's less wordy. Your main ideas are still there though.

*Bullet* You say:
Dancing in my life in and out of everyone’s sight. I walk almost always in the shadow yet I fear the dark.

*Idea* My suggestions:
Dancing in my life
in and out of sight.
I walk always in the shadows,
yet I fear the dark.

*Up* I've eliminated a few of your words and made line breaks where the pauses seem natural. Do you see what I mean by the format?

I'd be happy to help you with the rest of your piece, if you'd like help formatting it into a poem.

Write on!
~ Lexi
473
473
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (4.0)
Scribbles,
I hope you don't mind my comments or suggestions.

*Thumbsup* You have some alliteration here! It's a treat when someone tries to add some in their pieces.

I walk out your door full of knowledge misplaced before i walked in
*Bullet* This line is much longer than the rest of your poem. How about dividing it up a bit, in order to make the pauses seem natural and to make it look in place? I'm not sure if this was intentional, but your "i" isn't capitalized.
*Idea* I walk out your door
full of knowledge misplaced
before I walked in

You rejuvinate my soul
make me feel whole
*Bullet* rejuvenate- Also, think about changing "make" to making

promise to keep open that door
*Bullet* I see that you have it worded this way for the sake of rhyming, but it seems off like this. The more natural sounding way to say it really works better: promise to keep that door open.

cleverly, open new doors
layers unfolding
*Bullet* I would say cleverly opening new doors here.

I'd be happy to take another look if you decide to make any changes.

Write on!
~ Lexi
474
474
Review of Silence  
Review by Lexi
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi Nevermind,

I hope you don't mind me offering some suggestions and comments.

*Thumbsup* You show just how difficult it can be when you're involved with someone that doesn't communicate well in front of others. It could be feelings of being ashamed, or it could just be that in general. I like that you leave it open to both thoughts.

*Bullet* brief decription- firend- friend

Tension has descended, as were sitting here together,
*Bullet* as we sit here together- If you chose to keep it as it is then were should be we're because you mean "we are sitting". Also, you don't need a comma after "descended".

*Idea* Your poem is a bit fat in width. How about using line breaks to give a more slender look?

*Bullet* Here's what I mean with the few word and punctuation suggestions:
Tension has descended (no comma)
as we sit here together. (period)
The conversations lapsed now; (semicolon)
it couldn't last forever. (period)
The brief spark of words
have died again, as it always does. (period)
You're meant to be my best friend,

*Up* Do you see what I mean by the line breaks? It gives the poem pauses where they are needed. It makes it look less chunky and sound much better.

Of course when were around people, we can put up a facade
*Bullet* we're because you mean "we are around people". Also, it seems more natural to say that you put on a facade rather than putting a facade up.

When you couldn't keep us quiet, when just had that glow
*Bullet* Do you mean when we just had the glow?

If you decide to make any changes I'd be glad to take another look.

Write on!
~ Lexi
475
475
Review by Lexi
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Scribbles,
I hope you don't mind my comments and suggestions.

*Thumbsup* I think that some people will be able to relate to the emotions you speak of in this poem.

*Bullet* I like the idea behind your first stanza, but I think you could sharpen it up a bit. Your line breaks show a pause and it seems strange to have a line break ending with "these". Maybe something like this:

*Idea* Pictures of memories
her mind stores and saves
filled with thoughts that terrorize
take her by surprise

~or~

*Idea* Her mind stores and saves
Pictures of memories.
The thoughts that terrorize
take her by surprise.

symbolising scars portraying that beneath her skin
all the pain that lied within
*Bullet* I would try omitting "that" here. It's not really needed and it throws of the flow of the line.

avoiding lonliness in all it's entirety
*Bullet* loneliness and its- because you don't mean it is entirety

Write on!
~ Lexi
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