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Review Requests: OFF
1,480 Public Reviews Given
3,415 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I am honest, but kind and encouraging. I will offer ideas if something strikes me.
I'm good at...
Poetry is my first love.
Favorite Genres
relationship, romance, drama, and things which break the heart
I will not review...
I don't have the proper time to review novels, chapters, and things of that nature. Plus, they aren't my strongest suit. I'm not comfortable with critiquing items that I couldn't create, but I have a great appreciation/envy for those who can*Smile*
Public Reviews
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426
426
Review by Lexi
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Estrella,

I really found this format interesting. I know it's an acrostic, but I thought the centering worked nicely, considering the length of this piece. Your words paint a lovely picture for the reader. I will be discussing the most romantic songs in my next issue of the Romance/Love Newsletter (Oct. 25th), and I will be featuring your item. I hope you'll tune in!

~ Lexi
427
427
Review of Constanze Weber  
Review by Lexi
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi Winklett,

*Thumbsup* Great analogy. I really like how you use musical terms in relation to lost love. "your notes a minor mess upon my floor" is a heartbreaking, yet beautiful line! I didn't notice any errors in spelling or grammar*Smile*

I just wanted you to know that I'll be featuring this in my next issue of the Romance/Love Newsletter (Oct. 25th). I hope you'll tune in!
Write On!
~ Lexi
428
428
Review of Sea of Life  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (3.5)
EbonyWriter,
Welcome to Writing.Com! I hope you don't mind my comments or suggestions.

*Thumbsup* Nice attempt in using imagery here! It's better to use imagery in your pieces so the readers can envision through your words.

*Note3* Suggestions & Spelling
It was taking deep breathes.
*Bullet* breaths
valuable is it's life
*Bullet* its life
*Up* An apostrophe is only needed when you mean "it is".
it was a moment of goldence
*Bullet* I get what you mean here, but "goldence" is not a word. How about something like:
*Idea* it was a golden moment

Keep Writing!
~ Lexi
429
429
Review of flowers wild  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (3.0)
Wisage,
Welcome to Writing.Com! I hope you don't mind my comments and suggestions.

*Bullet* Try adding some genres to this so when people use the search tool your item will come up. This easily fits under the categories of relationship, love/romance.

*Thumbsup* You picked a natural thing that could be associated with love in order to describe it. Nice attempt using analogy*Smile*

*Note3* Suggestions & Spelling
Breaths a love that gasps;
*Bullet* Breathes
*Up* Also, your semicolon should be a comma. Semicolons are used to connect 2 related sentences.
Deeper yet, yet shallow still,
*Bullet* I understand what you mean here, but the double "yet" is confusing. I would try omitting the first "yet".

Write on!
~ Lexi
430
430
Review of Death  
Review by Lexi
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
Liquidsting,
Hi there and welcome to Writing.Com! I hope you don't mind my suggestions and comments. Your poem has a depressing tone to it, but I think relating these kinds of emotions to death makes sense.

*Note3* Suggestions & Grammar
He step to the side and came in
*Bullet*he stepped to the side
He ant welcome in
*Bullet* Did you mean ain't?
That was earth less and Should I cry or was it waste less
*Question* I am not certain what you're saying here, but these phrases don't make sense. Maybe try something like:
*Idea* that was empty and Should I waste my tears
Land of the free home of the brave
*Bullet* I know you have chosen to not use punctuation, but in a line like this you need a comma in order for it to make sense.
*Bullet*Land of the free, home of the brave
protect me for death
*Question* Protect you for death, or protect you from death?
Am I free form death
*Bullet*from death
every thing moving
*Bullet* everything
Just to rum from
*Bullet* run
in deaths eyes
*Bullet* death's
death and sandiness for every one
*Bullet* sadness for everyone
or was I send to be
*Bullet* sent
How do I choose how lives
*Bullet* who lives
I don’t know to run or hide
*Bullet* You need something added here in order for this to make sense. You need something that tells you the relationship between the verb and the object. It's important to show the connection, otherwise the readers won't know what you mean by your words.
*Idea* don't know whether to
just to get raid of death
*Bullet* rid of death

*Bullet* I understand that your poem is using death as a theme. Instead of using the word "death" so often why not try and use some visual things that can imply it.
*Idea* sinking into darkness or frigid fingers

I think the more you tinker with your wording the better it can become*Smile*

I'd be happy to take another look if you decide to make any changes.
Keep Writing,
~ Lexi
431
431
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi there, Kartic!

I hope you don't mind, but I do have one minor suggestion for you...

And allow the mind to lead
To our silent conversations

*Idea*And allow the mind to lead
in our silent conversations


In my next Romance/Love Newsletter issue (10/25) I'll be covering romantic lyrics. I think that this would be a good choice for a feature in my highlighted items. I hope you'll tune in.
~ Lexi
432
432
Review by Lexi
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
BrenPoet,

*Thumbsup* This poem reads beautifully! You show the romance in music, and it almost reads like a sonnet.
I just wanted to let you know that I'll be featuring this in my next issue of the Romance/Love Newsletter (10/25). We'll be discussing the most romantic lyrics and I think this fits wonderfully. I hope you'll tune in!
~ Lexi
433
433
Review of A Short Story  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Stuart,
I hope you don't mind my comments and suggestions.

*Thumbsup* Kudos to you for double spacing in between your paragraphs! It helps people not lose their places.

*Bullet* You have a few places where names and proper nouns aren't capitalized. (Christmas, Claire, Nobel)

*Note1*Spelling & Grammar
suprisex2
*Bullet*surprise
what had occured
*Bullet*occurred
over by the stive
*Bullet*stove
always be ther for you
*Bullet*there
and everything becam
*Bullet* became
he mangaed
*Bullet*managed
It was until he saw tears falling that weren’t his, that he looked up.
*Bullet* The beginning of this sentence is throwing me off a bit. Maybe try something like:
*Idea* It wasn't until or It was when he saw

*Thumbsup* Brian and Claire's last moments together tugged at my heart strings.

Write on!
~ Lexi
434
434
Review of My Life......  
Review by Lexi
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hi Gena,
*Thumbsup* I think it takes courage to talk about your life, especially when you don't know who is going to read it.

*Bullet* I'm not sure if you are concerned with spelling and grammar because this is taken from what looks like an old journal. I have pointed a few things out below, just in case you'd like to know.

Spelling & Grammar
*Paragraph* 4
THanks a lot for
*Bullet* Thanks - I'm not sure why you capitalized the "H" here.
*Paragraph* 5
Atleast
*Bullet* At least
*Paragraph* 10
you dont evn want
*Bullet* even
Last *Paragraph*
Its nice this way.
*Bullet* It's- because you mean "it is nice."

*Bullet* Throughout your story you have left apostrophes out of many of the words that need them. Why not spell them out if you don't wish to use them?
dont
*Bullet*don't
Im
*Bullet*I'm
doesnt
*Bullet*doesn't
havent
*Bullet*haven't
didnt
*Bullet*didn't
cant
*Bullet*can't
Ive
*Bullet*I've
wont
*Bullet* won't


Write on!
~ Lexi
435
435
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Sarah,
I hope you don't mind my comments and suggestions.

*Bullet* It's kind of ironic that the best thing also ends up being the worst thing. I get your point though!

*Thumbsup* I can tell you put a lot of thought into this. Being single when you're in your thirties isn't always an easy thing. I think you're reference to Bridget Jones is quite appropriate for this subject.

*Idea* You use double spacing in between most of your paragraphs and it really makes a difference on the eyes. You might want to do that in between the eighth, ninth, and tenth paragraphs as well.


*Note1* Spelling & Grammar
*Paragraph* 1
Valentines Day
*Bullet*Valentine's
*Paragraph* 4
Bridgett Jones
*Bullet*Bridget Jones
*Paragraph* 5
I have learnt
*Bullet*learned
*Paragraph* 6
caring, loving, likeable
*Bullet*likable
*Paragraph* 10
sexual fulfilment
*Bullet*fulfillment
*Paragraph* 12
which involves travelling
*Bullet*traveling
fulfilx2
*Bullet*fulfill

Write on!
~ Lexi
436
436
Review by Lexi
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Heaven Eternity,
I hope you don't mind my comments and suggestions.

*Thumbsup* Your title caught my attention right away.

*Question* I understand the idea behind this, but the reader if left wondering what Jewl's problem is. We know that she's confided in Jordynn and that she has a secret. I'm left wondering what the secret is and is she really going to tell the guy. I get the idea that she may be pregnant, but that's only an assumption. There's nothing that shows that is what it might be. I'd would be pretty interesting to find out if you decide to take this story further.

*Thumbsup* In paragraph 7 you use dialogue that really resembles the type of character you're trying to show here. Unfortunately, I've run into plenty of people that I'm reminded of when I read that*Laugh*

*Question* One thing that I couldn't figure out in paragraph 7 was where he addresses "Stephanie". Is this a conversation between 2 other people that Jewl is overhearing as she walks down the hallway, or does this guy mistake Jewl for Stephanie?

Spelling & Grammar

*Paragraph* 4
bohemian earings
*Bullet* earrings

*Paragraph* 7
I heard hime
*Bullet* heard him

*Paragraph* 11
Atleast you go it all done
*Bullet* At least you got

*Bullet* Let me know if you add on to this. I'd really be interested in seeing where you take this.

Write on!
~ Lexi
437
437
Review by Lexi
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Sue,
I hope you don't mind my comments and suggestions.

*Thumbsup* I found it creative that you wrote this from the dog's point of view. He took on the role of a child here.

*Note1*Spelling and Grammar
*Paragraph*3
he hesistates
*Bullet* hesitates
*Paragraph*7
come out in armloads
*Bullet* armfuls or arm loads
Final *Paragraph*
canteloupe
*Bullet* cantaloupe

*Note1* Punctuation
I sit on my haunches; looks like this could be interesting.
*Bullet* Semicolons connect 2 related sentences. This is 2 related thoughts, but the last part isn't a complete sentence.
*Bullet* haunches; it looks like

Maybe they should try the IAMS for older dogs; keeps you calm.
*Bullet* older dogs,(comma) keeps you calm or older dogs; it keeps you calm.
*Up* Your subjects are assumed by the reader in the second parts of both sentences.

*Star* You used the semicolon correctly here:
*Thumbsup* I woof at Dad to tell him; he ignores me and waves me back.

Write on!
~ Lexi
438
438
Review by Lexi
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Phyduex,
I hope you don't mind my comments and suggestions.

*Thumbsup* Kids do say the funniest things. I got a chuckle out of this!

Spelling and Grammar
he continues, nonchalauntly
*Bullet* nonchalantly
*Bullet* You don't need a comma after "continues".
stop excercising
*Bullet*exercising
Mommy's excercising
*Bullet*exercising
back to my excercises
*Bullet*exercises
back and forth jerkedly
*Bullet*jerkily
I WILL excercise
*Bullet*exercise
open the showercurtain
*Bullet*shower curtain
you . . . .diffent
*Bullet* different
read the saddness
*Bullet* sadness

Write on and good luck in the contest!
~ Lexi
439
439
Review of Their Last Night  
Review by Lexi
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi Simone,
Welcome to Writing.Com. I hope you don't mind my comments and suggestions.

*Bullet* Creepy tale that's fitting for the season*Smile*

*Bullet* Try double spacing in between paragraphs and indenting new paragraphs. It's easier on the eyes.

Spelling and Grammar
since it was halloween also.
*Bullet* since it was also Halloween.
for over a centry
*Bullet* century
One of the rumors about the place was that there was a family of four living in the house and the father came home one night on a drunken rage and slaughtered the whole family one by one.
*Bullet* This sentence is a run-on. You need to use some punctuation here. Place a comma after "house". Also, the father came home in a drunken rage, not on a drunken rage. Place a period after "rage" and start a new sentence.
She was exstatic
*Bullet* ecstatic
have a suprise set up for ya'll for your birthday's
*Bullet* surprise & birthdays
*Up* You don't need to show possession to birthdays because you're only talking about multiple birthdays.
*Bullet* Throughout the story you use the word suprise. It should be surprise.
don't like this palce
*Bullet* place
Since the door wouldn't open they all just started bangin on the door and screaming
*Bullet* You don't need to use "all" here. It's awkward. Also, bangin should be banging.

Write on!
~ Lexi
440
440
Review of betrayed  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (3.5)
Lissaida,
I hope you don't mind me pointing out a few things I noticed while reading this.

well if yould have told
*BULLET* well, if you would've
i wouldnt be sitting here
*Bullet* I wouldn't
i grope at the ledge
*Bullet* It sounds awkward to say you "grope at the ledge".
*Idea* I grope for the ledge
ill fall at the end
I'll fall in
of your judgement
*Bullet* judgment

*Bullet* You left out apostrophes in a few areas where they are needed. You may want to recheck that. Also, the words "I" and "I'll" should always be capitalized.
Write on!
~ Lexi
441
441
Review of Sam The Plumber  
Review by Lexi
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hi Sammy! Welcome to Writing.Com.
I hope you don't mind my comments and suggestions.

*Thumbsup* I did get quite a chuckle out of this and thought it was a good topic choice!

Yes it me
*Bullet* Yes, it's me

Your toilets will work and your ice cubes have freezed
*Bullet* Your tenses are inconsistent here.
*Bullet* and your ice-cubes will freeze

From experiance
*Bullet* experience

you'll shake and stand very still
*Bullet* This contradicts itself. You can't be shaking and standing still at the same time.
*Idea* the shock will have you standing still

*Bullet* You have words throughout your poem that need apostrophes:
Ill
*Bullet* I'll
Im
*Bullet* I'm
theres
*Bullet* there's

*Bullet* I think that there are plenty of people that have gone through this experience who don't get to laugh because they are actually paying for it. It's nice to make it humorous!

Write on!
~ Lexi
442
442
Review of Breakfast in Bed  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi Jen,
Welcome to Writing.Com! I hope you don't mind my comments and suggestions.

*Thumbsup* Nice job in attempting to use onomatopoeias here!

My stomach juices mone in anticipation
*Bullet* moan - Also, the word "juices" is a bit weird here. I would think about just saying: My stomach moans in anticipation

She enters, softly,
*Bullet* You don't need a comma after enters.

*Bullet* You use the term "and oh, the sweet" twice in this poem, but I think this works better: and the sweet

Write on!
~ Lexi
443
443
Review of Alone  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (3.0)
Northernexposure,
Welcome to Writing.Com! I hope you don't mind my comments and suggestions.

*Thumbsup* I think many teens go through feelings similar to these. It's hard to not try to impress others when you're surrounded by your peers.

Alone I sit
isolated

*Bullet* If you're alone you're already isolated. Why not use something that carries what you're doing here instead of what you are?
*Idea* Alone I sit
contemplating


my person, myself
*Bullet* You're implying that you aren't really the person you perceive yourself to be here. However, the way you're saying it sounds a bit strange. How about:
*Idea* disguising my identity

Write on!
~ Lexi
444
444
Review by Lexi
Rated: 13+ | (2.0)
Joe,
In this you offer the idea of working from home and earning good money. However, your readers aren't going to be attracted when they see all the errors in spelling, punctuation, and grammar. It would be more appealing if you cleaned this up a bit.

*Note1* Spelling & Grammar
Title- Natual
*Bullet* Natural
Brief description- useing
*Bullet* using
*Paragraph* 2:
Words has power. and its this
*Bullet* Words have power, and it's this
*Paragraph* 3:
sence
*Bullet* sense
*Paragraph* 5:
subscious
*Up* You have misspelled this word throughout your story.
*Bullet* subconscious
i was born in the year 1958, but my edity,
*Bullet* Deity
*Bullet* You should always capitalize the word "I"
eqiuped with all the resourses
*Bullet* equipped with all the resources
*Paragraph* 6:
subsciousness
*Up* It's also misspelled in your brief description
*Bullet* subconsciousness
*Paragraph* 7:
knowledege
*Bullet* knowledge
asist
*Bullet* assist
*Paragraph*8:
basket ball
*Bullet* basketball
Michael Jorden
*Bullet* Jordan
cannot remember what you did when you was
*Bullet* what you did when you were
3 years old at 2:48 PM exact
*Bullet* three years old at exactly
And it your level of interest thats
*Bullet* it's your level of interest that's

Genesis 1, 26
*Bullet* When you refer to a certain book and verse in the Bible try doing this:
*Idea* Genesis 1:26{c}

*Bullet* You have a few areas where you don't capitalize words like "I". Also, you should capitalize all proper nouns. (c:blue} (Adam)


*Bullet* Some of your words are missing apostrophes where there are needed. (it's, that's)

Good luck with this,
~ Lexi

445
445
Review of Autumn Leaves  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (4.0)
Saroo,

*Thumbsup* Great use of color that really works for this poem! It's great you're playing around with imagery and trying to bring autumn to life!

Swinging in the tire,
Tied to the old oak tree,
Pumping legs higher,

*Bullet* There's nothing wrong with these lines, but the word "pumping" is reminding of a gas station. You have some good images in the poem that match nicely with autumn. How about trying:
*Idea* Swaying in the tire,
tied to the old oak tree,
swinging legs higher
?

Good luck in the contest and write on!
~ Lexi
446
446
Review by Lexi
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hi Bloowriter,

I hope you don't mind my comments and suggestions.

*Bullet* I think there's many people who do whatever it takes just to get what they want. It's ashame that sometimes people don't care about who they hurt when it comes to getting what they want. You show what selfishness can do.

around me me me
*Bullet* I know you have chosen to not use punctuation, but you really need it here. me, me, me
easyly
*Bullet* easily
worlds' unyealding
*Bullet* world's unyielding
karmas eye
*Bullet* karma's eye

*Bullet* You have a few areas where you don't capitalize words like "I" and "I'm". You may want to recheck that. Also, there's a few places where you need spaces after your commas.


Write on!
~ Lexi
447
447
Review by Lexi
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Chiefette,

I hope you don't mind my comments and suggestions.

*Thumbsup* Nice work in double spacing in between your paragraphs! It really makes it easier to follow.

*Thumbsup* Good idea to make Neena unavailable to Thomas in the story, even though they both liked each other. Not having them get together right away makes the reader wait in anticipation!


Spelling and Grammar
*Paragraph* 1
in the moring
*Bullet* morning
walk troughout
*Bullet* throughout

*Paragraph* 2
I couldn't believe I can be such a horrible person.
*Bullet* Your tenses are inconsistent in this sentence.
*Bullet* I couldn't believe I could or I couldn't believe I was

*Paragraph* 4
really wierd thoughts
*Bullet* weird
Thousadns of questions
*Bullet* Thousands

*Paragraph* 5
calm down for a while
*Bullet* awhile

*Paragraph* 7
london
*Bullet* London

*Paragraph* 8
cellphone
*Bullet* cell phone

*Paragraph* 10
We were stading
*Bullet* standing

*Paragraph* 11
He was saying something that it makes no sense
*Bullet* The rest of this paragraph is in the past tense.
*Bullet* He said that it made no sense
I wasn't thinking about what (might) happened earlier anymore
*Bullet* what might have happened
happy for a while
*Bullet* awhile

*Paragraph* 13
In that moment, he turned his head away from me, as if he doesn't like me seeing expression on his face
*Bullet* as if he didn't

*Paragraph* 15
wierd
*Bullet* weird x2
Somekind of weakness
*Bullet* Some kind
breathing heavilly
*Bullet* heavily

*Bullet* Your tenses switch during many of the sentences which confuses the reader. I think if you're consistent with it your readers will understand your story better.

*Question* You never introduce who Thomas is in the story. I mean you do have Neena calling him because he's in the same country as her, but how did they come to know one another? We know that Neena is in a current relationship with Mario already, so how did Thomas come into play?

*Bullet* You leave a lot of room here for what's going to happen in the later parts. It has me wondering if Neena and Thomas will last, and what's going to happen when Mario finds out.


Keep Writing!
~ Lexi

448
448
Review of Birthday Party  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (4.0)
Jess,
I noticed a few things while reading this. I hope you don't mind me pointing them out to you.

*Bullet* You get extra points for double spacing in between your paragraphs*Smile*

*Bullet* I think you've picked good reasons for your character to feel out of place. It's understandable why he'd feel that way.


*Paragraph* 4
isn't going out of Babalon
*Bullet* Babylon

*Paragraph* 6
it never would have occured
*Bullet* occurred

Write on!
~ Lexi
449
449
Review by Lexi
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi Panda! It's been awhile since I've read a teen related story. I hope you don't mind my comments and suggestions.

*Bullet* You may want to try indenting your new paragraphs and double spacing in between them. It's much easier on the eyes.

My twin younger sisters
*Bullet* Think about switching this line around a bit. It's smoother this way:
*Idea* My younger twin sisters

the sound of my parents argue.
*Bullet* parents arguing or parent's argument

it would be so adventerous
*Bullet* adventurous

and she squeled
*Bullet* squealed

Write on!
~ Lexi
450
450
Review of A Salad Of Lies  
Review by Lexi
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey there, Saroo! You should definitely try listing this under the comedy genre*Smile*

*Thumbsup* Even though this is fairly short it still gave me a chuckle!

pairfait
*Bullet* parfait

saleds but I still have thunder thighs
*Bullet* salads, but

Write on and good luck in this contest!
~ Lexi
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