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Review Requests: ON
1,480 Public Reviews Given
3,415 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I am honest, but kind and encouraging. I will offer ideas if something strikes me.
I'm good at...
Poetry is my first love.
Favorite Genres
relationship, romance, drama, and things which break the heart
I will not review...
I don't have the proper time to review novels, chapters, and things of that nature. Plus, they aren't my strongest suit. I'm not comfortable with critiquing items that I couldn't create, but I have a great appreciation/envy for those who can*Smile*
Public Reviews
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501
501
Review of Stalled  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (4.0)
Suzy Q,
Wow, what an uncomfortable situation to encounter. I have offered you a few suggestions. I hope you don't mind.

*Bullet*brief description- peculier- peculiar

4th *Paragraph*- As quietly as I could I stepped backwards up onto the toilet seat- Try placing a comma after "could". Also, I think you could make this sentence sound cleaner. How about: As quietly as I could, I took a few steps back and onto the toilet."

4th *Paragraph*- Because when my foot slipped off the seat- Starting this particular sentence with "because" seems odd. Try starting it with "when".

4th *Paragraph*- There's a strange line break where the words It felt good begins.

5th *Paragraph*- "I rushed" isn't the start of a new paragraph. Take a look at the break there. I don't think you meant to start a new line.

Write on!
~ Lexi

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
502
502
Review of Raindrops  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (4.0)
Jessica,

Try listing this under a few more genres. If you do that you'll get more views when people use the search tool. I pointed a few things out to you. I hope you don't mind.

*Bullet* Raindrops that fall/are like teardrops that rain
- In this line you've used "raindrops" and "rain" (and "fall" which you re-use in a later line). If you need to find synonyms to avoid repetition, try the Ideanary feature available in the Site Tools list (in the Site Navigation menu, top left of your screen).

*Bullet* "About that sunshine?"
- Here I like the fact that you brought up sunshine, but I'm not sure I like it asked as a question. Particularly that sunshine, since we haven't seen it mentioned in this poem before.

I think you have a good start here. If you make any changes I'd be glad to take another look.

Write on!
~ Lexi

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
503
503
Review by Lexi
Rated: 18+ | (2.0)
Hi there, Pearce!

This is more like prose than poetry. If you want this to be like poetry, you'd have to insert line breaks instead of it being in a paragraph form. Also, I found it rather difficult to piece your meaning together. You have a bunch of fancy words, but nothing makes any sense. A poem/prose doesn't need to be overloaded with big words in order to be good. Whatever you're trying to convey is lost in all these words. Think about what you want to say and try to find a simpler way to say it. You can still use imagery, but you don't need to overload it in order for the reader to get a mental picture.

*Bullet* in purset high- Did you mean purest?

*Bullet* Bautiful moving feet with rythm - beautiful moving feet with rhythm

*Bullet* noises of beutiful forest- beautiful

*Bullet* dimension of seperation - separation

*Bullet* babys dream- baby's dream

*Bullet*tomb concochted- concocted.

If you should make any changes I'd be glad to take another look.

Write on!
~ Lexi


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
504
504
Review of A Lively Poem  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (3.0)
Zedikiah,

You should place this under a few different genres. You'll get more views when people use the search tool. (religious, relationship, spiritual, etc whatever you think fits)

I noticed a few things while reading this. I hope you don't mind me pointing them out to you.

*Bullet* brief description- poem about live- life

*Bullet* we make believe its real- it's because you mean "it is real".

*Bullet*conceivement to acheivement- I understand you were trying to rhyme internally here, but "conceivement" isn't a word. The correct word for your meaning is "conception." Also you have a typo in the word achievement.


*Bullet* judgement brings us in- judgment

*Bullet*And all that we can do is hope/is that we rise the drifts- These two lines don't make sense together. Try something like All we can do is hope/ that we rise above the drifts. You rise above the drifts, you're not the cause of them rising.

*Bullet*And so it is of all because/of what we did with this- Again, I think you can come across clearer if you polish these lines a bit. Maybe something like And so it is, all because of what we did. I left out "with this" because I was left wondering what "this" is...

Write on!
~ Lexi

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
505
505
Review of Conquer Your Fear  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (3.5)
Jessica,
I agree that we should all be comfortable with being ourselves. It's important to have a positive outlook, so I'm glad to see that you do. I noticed a few things so I'm pointing them out to you. I hope you don't mind.

*Bullet* brief decription-steriotypes- stereotypes

*Bullet* As I read this poem I wondered what stereotypes you are referring to. I didn't notice any. I think maybe if you focus on what fears are caused by stereotypes, your description will be more accurate.

*Bullet* whether from near or afar.- This line reads strangely with having the word "from" there. Try whether near or far

Write on!
~ Lexi

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
506
506
Review of City Eyes  
Review by Lexi
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Krispy,
Hi there! You asked for some tips in your brief description, so I hope this helps*Smile*


1rst *Paragraph*
*Bullet* I know what your thinking this is all made up, but its not I’ve been there - I know what you're thinking: this is all made up, but it's not- Instead of continuing the sentence after "there" place a period and start a new sentence.

2nd *Paragraph*
*Bullet* The one that is referred to god is nothing but an alchemist who found the ultimate power “the Windencia Flame”. The power of wind and fire but the most important power was the power to create, destroy and annihilate. - This is unclear here, going from ultimate to the most important. Some punctuation will correct this: The one who is referred to as god is nothing but an alchemist who found the ultimate power, the Windencia Flame, which has not only the powers of wind and fire but also the crucial powers of creation, destruction, and annihilation.

3rd *Paragraph*
*Bullet* the mind of a thirteen year old boy name Marcelaron.- thirteen-year-old boy named


6th *Paragraph*
*Bullet*reality with human inhabitence- inhabitance

Write on!
~ Lexi

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
507
507
Review of Her Hands  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (3.5)
Autumn Rose,
Welcome to Writing.Com! I'm happy to see that you have dabbled with some imagery and alliteration here and there in this poem. I have a few suggestions for you. I hope you don't mind.

*Bullet* Place an intro rating and a content rating on this item so you'll get more viewers.

*Bullet* Never idle or at a lost to teach- either Never idle or at a loss or Never idle or lost to teach

*Bullet* Movement fast, her fingers now her tongue to speak- I think if you omit "now her tongue" and just say her fingers speak it sounds more poetic and actually makes more sense.

*Bullet* Through Christ, the son- Son

*Bullet* He strengthens her, still she'll never run/That is for His feet- I want to offer a suggestion here, but I'm uncertain what you mean by "That is for His feet". Try rewording the last 2 lines, maybe your message will come across clearer.

If you make any changes I'd be happy to take another look.

Write on!
~ Lexi

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
508
508
Review of Lovers Qurrel  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Plainsue!
When I read this I got the feeling that this was about small children who witness their parents arguing. I have offered you a few suggestions. I hope you don't mind.

*Bullet* Title: Lovers Qurrel- Do you mean Lover's Quarrel?

*Bullet* Hope they runout of fuel- run out is two separate words.

*Bullet* Understanding what might happen afterwards- Try omitting "might"- Understanding what happened afterward- The line is less wordy and you're still saying the same thing.

*Thumbsup* "drowning in a sea of words"- really nice imagery there.

*Bullet* their hearts desire- heart's desire

*Bullet* They might unhide their fire- "unhide" sounds a bit awkward there. How about something like reveal their fire, feed the fire ?

If you make any changes I'd be happy to come back and take another look.
Write on!
~ Lexi

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
509
509
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (3.5)
Frosty,

One thing I like to do when writing poetry is to try and visualize the scenes I wish to write. I'll have basic ideas on paper and then see what images come to mind. In your poem you tell us what this person means to you. I think that if you add some imagery and try an mix up how you begin every line you'll show us instead of tell us.

Take a look and see what I mean....
You say...
your breathe breath on my body makes me breathless
Your words render me speechless
Your chuckle captivates me


*Idea* I could stand barefoot in snow
if your breath warmed my neck.
When you speak I'm at a loss for the right words,
and when you laugh I'm captivated by your smile.

*Note1* Try putting a content and into rating on this item. You'll get more views that way.

I really think if you play around with this your emotions and message will come across stronger. If you make any changes I'd be happy to take another look.

Write on!
~ Lexi

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
510
510
Review of Rudy Can't Fail  
Review by Lexi
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
PuppyPooka,

One thing that I appreciate is when an author spaces and indents their paragraphs. It's much easier on the eyes.

You seem to know what you're doing here. I only noticed one mistake.

1rst *Paragraph*

*Bullet* Despite his determination, despite the rage which fuelled him,- fueled- Also, you use the word "despite" twice in this sentence. How about something like Despite the determination that filled him and the rage which fueled him-

Vivid imagery in the closing paragraph!

Write on!
~ Lexi
511
511
Review of Night  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (3.5)
DarkShadowDog,

I noticed a few things while I was reading this. I hope you don't mind me pointing them out to you.

*Bullet* brief description- when I coulden't sleep - couldn't

*Bullet* Becomes different, strange- Become- becomes sounds awkward with the following lines.

*Bullet* Try expanding this a bit by talking about what you are "waiting" for.

Write on!
~ Lexi
512
512
Review of The River  
Review by Lexi
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi Askpaddy,

I think that you had an interesting idea here. It was neat to see how you connected the three generations coming together. I noticed a few things and I'm pointing them out to you. I hope you don't mind.

1rst *Paragraph*-
*Bullet* You have the title of the story directly above your opening sentence. Try putting a space there. Also, try indenting each new paragraph.

*Bullet* down to the waters edge- water's edge

*Bullet* Sometimes after heavy rain it runs brown with mud but today the little waves danced and glimmered in the bright warm sunshine. - Try placing a comma after "but" so this isn't a run-on sentence. Also, this sentence is a bit confusing because we don't really know what "it" is referring to. Are you referring to the riverside walks? If so then the word you use should be something that implies more than one.

2nd *Paragraph*
*Bullet* He always sat on the same long bench provided by the council but today a couple were already on the bench so he moved to the next one along. You need a comma after "council" and after "bench".

*Bullet* Anyone who tried to start a conversation got short shift with a series of gruff grunts.- short shifted since you are talking in past tense.

3rd *Paragraph*
*Bullet* He had been told to clear out while his girl friend- girlfriend

*Bullet* Time for a sit down and think so he nodded to the old man and sat down- Try placing a comma after "think".

5th *Paragraph*
*Bullet* In your first sentence you're missing a period at the end of your quote.

*Bullet* In your second line of dialogue you're missing a period between "here" and "I".

*Bullet* Mum wasn’t too pleased at first but she’s coming round- around

6th *Paragraph*-
*Bullet* What about you, have you settled down yet?” she enquired.- she inquired.

*Bullet* The weddings next week- wedding's or wedding is

*Bullet* All you life- your life

7th *Paragraph*
*Bullet* You need a space between this paragraph and the previous one. They run into one another.

*Bullet* steadied himself and walked slow away - walked slowly away

*Bullet* This maybe a long shot but the last I heard of my father he was a deck hand on the SS NOVAK. - may be a long shot, but the last thing I heard about my father was that he was a deck hand on the SS NOVAK.

*Bullet* There's a quite a few places throughout the story that's missing commas. Try taking a second look at that.

You had an interesting idea here. I'd be happy to take another look should you decide to make some changes.

Write on!
~ Lexi
513
513
Review of A Man of Courage  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (4.0)
Lady Cobra,

You have this listed as a non-fiction story, but you have the piece centered which breaks lines in the middle of your sentences. Try taking that off, indenting the beginnings of each paragraph, and spacing in between them. It'll make it easier for the reader. I noticed a few things when reading this so I wanted to point them out to you. I hope you don't mind.


*Bullet*didn't have full use of his lleft arm- left

*Bullet* protection in his eyes were so poerful it became an experience I'll never forget. - did you mean powerful?

*Bullet* Try listing this under a few different genres. This way when people use the search tool you'll get more views. (emotional, inspirational)

Write on!
~ Lexi
514
514
Review of Perfect world  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (3.5)
Bentonar,

I noticed a few things while reading this. I hope you don't mind me pointing them out to you.

*Bullet* The inhabitants in this planet never learnt what the term police- learned

*Bullet* also any city, country or continent in the planet- you need a comma after "country".

*Idea* Try spacing in between paragraphs and indents in the beginning. Since your paragraphs run into one another it gets really hard on the eyes. I lost my place several times.

Write on!
~ Lexi
515
515
Review of Dangerous Eyes  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (4.0)
Gregory,


Just a quick note to let you know that I'll be featuring this in my next issue of the Romance Newsletter (August 28th). We're discussing the most romantic songs of all time. "Unforgettable" is on our list. Hope you'll tune in and join in the showdown!
Nice work on!
~ Lexi
516
516
Review of Love  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (4.0)
DreamerGirl,
I do agree with your idea here. Love is different for everyone. I have pointed out a few things. I hope you don't mind.

*Bullet* brief description- defn of love- definition of love or how I define love

*Bullet* unfortunatly not everyone- unfortunately

*Bullet* seeked by all who just want a glipse- sought by all who just want a glimpse

*Bullet* You've left out apostrophes in certain words like don't and doesn't. 'm not sure if that was intentional, but if you aren't going to use them then why not just spell out do not/does not?

Keep writing!
~ Lexi
517
517
Review of This bed  
Review by Lexi
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Pascale,

I'm sorry that this is written from true account. I know dealing with something like this can bring on heartache. I have offered you some suggestions. I hope you don't mind.

*Bullet* Pillows I am too afraid to sleep on for fear of the emotions that scent might bring about- This line seems rather wordy. If you cut back some the meaning won't get lost in your words. How about Your memories wash over me/ when I rest upon your pillows/- We already know you fear it from the previous lines.

*Bullet*This oversized/Overbearing/Over empty bed. I think the use of "over" makes these lines repetitive. Why not try something like I'm restless in this bed/ with vacant thoughts and empty dreams.

*Bullet* filled with to many dreams.- too many

*Bullet* You should place a rating on this as well as as an intro rating. You'll get more views that way. Writing.Com filters out items just in case they aren't suitable for all ages.

*Bullet* You have periods after some lines which are fragments. A line break is already showing the pause. For example, Memories. Rotting in the sheets.- Memories, rotting in the sheets If you wanted to use punctuation in that line a comma would be correct.

Write on!
~ Lexi
518
518
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (3.0)

Jensen,
When our hearts hurt we look for outlets. It's good to see that you have found one in writing. I wanted to offer up some suggestions. I hope you don't mind.

*Bullet* have an earthquake with in- within

*Bullet* Love can make you strong and weak- This implies that love makes you strong and weak simultaneously. How about replacing "and" with or.

Keep writing!
~ Lexi
519
519
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi K! Welcome to Writing.Com.

I think you have a good idea for this creepy tale. I noticed some things so I thought I would point them out to you. I hope you don't mind.

*Bullet* brief description- Somethings in the garage- Something's because you mean something is

*Note1* 1rst *Paragraph*
*Bullet* Into the wilderness. This is a fragment and you have it as a sentence. An easy fix:
I stepped into the garage and into the wilderness.

*Bullet* the roof was sagging in.- "In" is a preposition and they aren't supposed to end sentences. Try omitting the word in.

*Bullet* Something scuttled along the floor suddenly.- Try moving "suddenly" to the beginning of this sentence.

*Bullet* Apart from the foul animals everything around me was darkness.- everything around me was dark or you can say that the darkness surrounded you.

*Bullet* Then a scratching noise.- This is also a fragment. In order for it to not be a fragment you must have a complete thought. What about the scratching noise?

*Bullet* I kept walking. Past the rubbish and ancient furniture.- omit the period and continue the sentence with "past".

*Note1* 2nd *Paragraph*
*Bullet* He was lying in exactly the same position in which he was before- He was laying- Also, you want to omit the word "before" since that's a preposition and at the end of your sentence.

*Bullet*Face as pale and dry as plaster.- Start the sentence with "His" and this will no longer be a fragment.

*Bullet*He was lying there doing nothing. - He was laying there- This already implies that he was "doing nothing" so that's not needed.

*Note1* 4th *Paragraph*
*Bullet* After a moments silence I cleared my throat and spoke again- a moment's silence, or a moment of silence,- Also, you need a comma after "again".

*Bullet* the dust and dirt was clogging up- were clogging up

*Bullet* I was sick to death watching him, a spider scrambling across his face.- This doesn't make sense like this. Do you mean "as a spider scrambled across his face"?

*Bullet* He sighed “Get out”- He sighed,"Get out!"- You may wish to check your punctuation throughout your story.

*Bullet*I know when I’m not wanted, and I couldn’t breathe as the smell of rot and dust was now overwhelming me.- This seems to wordy. Try and separate this into 2 sentences. I know when I'm not wanted. I couldn't breathe as the smell of rot and dust were overwhelming me. Also, I wondered if dust has an odor?

Last *Paragraph*
*Bullet* You have many fragments in this paragraph. They are passably acceptable if used only once or twice per chapter, but you are overusing them. Try to link them to into proper sentences.
- A trapped creature.
- A mystical creature.
- One I never knew could be true.
- Like an old relic or Antique.
- Just a creature.
- But in someone else’s eyes……..

*Up**Note1* I never knew it could be true. That's a complete thought. "One I never knew could be true"- We are left asking what one are you referring to? Do you see how that's not a complete thought?

*Bullet* I knew as soon as anyone set their eyes on him they’d either be horrified crying with rejoice- horrified or crying in rejoice.

*Bullet* wings and yet I do not see him as an angle- angel

Write on!
~ Lexi
520
520
Review of Moonlight Romance  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Sabrina!

Welcome to Writing.Com. I think that you have a good start here. I like that you used moonlight as a factor in this relationship poem. I have offered you some suggestions. I hope you don't mind.


*Bullet* my soul so soften- "so" is a filler that's really not needed here. I think the line reads nicely without it.


*Bullet*hoping that her heart with mine will take flight.- this seems rather wordy. How about cutting back a bit and trying something like hoping that our hearts will take flight

*Bullet* appear to her within sleeping dreams.- since dreams already happen while we are sleeping try using another word in front of dreams. Maybe sweet, peaceful

*Bullet* You've used rhyming is each stanza except for the 3rd. I'm not sure if that was intentional. The 2nd line in that stanza seems too long for the rest of the poem. I think that's an easy fix though. Take a look to see how I used a line break to solve that problem *Down*


She does not know I watch her so.
Perhaps it’s best this way-
We both know love is a waste of time,
Energy stolen from what could be applied.


*Note1* Unless you are going to say to what degree the word so isn't really needed.

*Bullet* everything in it’s path- its because you don't mean it is path.

Write on!
~ Lexi
521
521
Review of Footprints  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (3.5)
Xwhite_tigerxx,

Welcome to Writing.Com! Memories and heartbreak are never easy. Here's some suggestions. I hope you don't mind.


*Bullet* Your poem uses the word "those" throughout the poem, but I think the poem reads much better without using it.

*Bullet* Thery're everywhere I go,- they're

*Bullet* I think by adding another stanza this poem will seem more complete.

Write on!
~ Lexi
522
522
Review of My Ambition  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (3.5)
Princess Vee,
Hi there! I think it is great that you like to express yourself through music. I have offered you a few suggestions. I hope you don't mind.

*Bullet* I know that the reason you begin your lines with "to sing" is because that's your theme. I think that if you were to use other words associated with singing that would help your poem stand out more. It wouldn't sound as repetitive. Take a look and see what I mean. To sing and hum a song all day/while dancing in the sunshine's ray

*Bullet* In every line you need spaces between your commas and the words following them.

*Bullet* infront of- in front

*Bullet* sing for the sun is gone How about sing until the sun is gone?

Keep writing!!
~ Lexi
523
523
Review of Beauty  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (4.0)
Berni16986,

I love when I feel inspired by something I have seen while I am traveling. I imagine that those sitting around you brought on this idea of what people thought they were needing. I have offered you some suggestions. I hope you don't mind.

*Bullet* 1rst stanza- Youth Provides- I'm uncertain why you have capitalized provides here and nowhere else in the poem.

*Bullet* 4th stanza- Experience will cover thier eyes- their

*Bullet* You use the word "reach" in every stanza. I think that if you change it up a bit your poem will stand out more. Take a look to see what I mean...

Experienced desires reaches for innocence,
Damaged craves to become new. for brand
A man who has seen too much
cradles Reaches for his child,
hoping to shadow the memories.The child helps him forget.


Just play around with the wording and see what you can do. I think it's a good start and with some spicing up it'll only get better!

Write on!
~ Lexi
524
524
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (4.5)
Marie,

I won't say that I never review items that are poorly written. If I can find one good thing to point out about the piece itself then I feel comfortable enough to review the item. I don't want the person to feel completely discouraged. If they only see a page full of corrections with nothing positive said, then they may feel like there's not a point in saving their work.

*Idea* I was interested in seeing the results, but the answers you had didn't really apply to me. How about adding another option for other?

Write on!
~ Lexi
525
525
Review of Butterflies  
Review by Lexi
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Rocky,

I like the idea behind this! Nice metaphorical way of saying those feelings come when you're not ready. I have offered you some ideas. I hope you don't mind.

*Bullet* brief description- stomache- stomach

*Bullet* there's quite a many things- Try omitting "a" there. The line reads much better.

*Bullet* They have landed on my toes/And even when the clubs have closed.- You have a period here, but this isn't a complete thought. You can keep the period and get rid of "and", or replace the period with a comma.

*Bullet* 'till the rhythm - I think until sounds so much better!

Write on!
~ Lexi
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