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Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Greetings Chrys O'Shea ~LifeLessons~ here to review this short story "The Secrets of Horse Meadows" which I found in the plug page.

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*Bird* First Impression *Bird*


Well this story brought back memories for me. I was brownies and we also went camping to earn our cooking badge, wilderness badge and fairy badge. I hated it!! Of course how old was I. I didn't want to be away from home but now I look back and it was a great experience.

I could see the delight in these kids as they escape into the wilderness filled with camp fires, stories, hot chocolate. Oh all kinds of goodies here.

*Type* Structure *Type*


So the exposition here is building characters which is great because this only part one. A longer story that needs to told and the reader would be lost without a scene setting, character building and so on. I enjoyed this and it didn't seem to drag on. I felt the excitement and heading towards the end the conflict begins with stories of haunting eyes and shadows that lurk in Horse Meadows.
The leader of the group is fore warned and he tries to make light of it so the kids aren't afraid. It seems he didn't expect anything to happen, but yet the story ends with one by one the camp site is surrounded!!
I expect in the next part we will learn exactly what is out there and what happens to the campers.

*Writing* Over All Thoughts *Writing*


I think this is a great story so far and reminds of the age when I read Nancy Drew series. So around ten I suppose would enjoy this story. A few little errors and ones that aren't too hard to see. If you read it again you will see them yourself. Hoping to read the second part.
Well Done

Keep Writing
~LL~

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Review of Broken Humanity  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
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Greetings Jennifer J White ~Lifelessons~ here to review this piece "Broken Humanity" which I found in the newbies lisings.

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*Bird* First Impression *Bird*


hello there! So I couldn't help reading this piece, due to the title alone. This is a topic that could be a never ending discussion, but we all have our say. What you speak of if so very true. We have lost our empathy, compassion and unity. I don't think as the people alone that the change should begin, but the government as a whole and what it conveys to the younger generation is what has to change. You make many valuable points and they all speak from the heart. The world is changing and putting fear into many. Can we change it? I don't know, but I feel as though it will be a large loss before it gets better. The news wants to place the fear, so I choose not to watch it as much any more. The government has a say what is on the news. It gets to a point that we start thinking in a negative manner. The trickle effect has a huge play on society. These are only a few of my own views taking your kind words in consideration.

*Type* Structure *Type*


This is a piece of a view and a personal thought. So as far as structure goes it isn't based on so much as a story. You held conflict, without resolution because none of us really know what that is.
My suggestion would be to focus on the punctuation which is scattered and misused in places. I believe your apostrophe wasn't set on the right setting which made it a little hard to read. Confusing more or less.
Some spacing issues. A great deal of emotion and this is what it is really about.

*Writing*Over All Thoughts*Writing*


I enjoyed reading this piece because it is happening to all of us. You spoke from your heart and I am sure many can relate to this. I felt the emotion that you write of and I can't say what the answer is. Political mixed with humanity is a crazy mix. I hope the world comes around to a much better place. It may not happen in my time but for the sake of the younger generation, this is my wish.

Thanks for sharing

~LL~

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Review of Attack  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Greetings Smee ~LifeLessons~ here to review this short story "Attack" which I found in your port.

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*Bird* First Impressions *Bird*


Nicely done! A story of two friends that live in the desert, which I for one could never do. They live a simple life and are on their way to the forest that is quite a distance to walk, but must for wood. They are a happy duo and have fun with each other as they take their journey. coming back was a different story. A darkness looms over the village and a man runs past them gasping in terror. What they didn't see coming was their own fight against this creature.

*Type* Structure *Type*


A wonderful exposition here. You gave me a background in showing me and telling me of these two men. I like the detail that brought me to the rising action as the two set out on this journey to the forest. Coming home was the intended plot thickening leading to the conflict. Falling action heightens the conflict as the two fight for their lives. The resolve was a bit sad but a great finish to the story. Well done!

*Writing* Over All Thoughts *Writing*


You used many conventions that make a good story. Hyperbole, simile, characterization was great along with actions. Dialogue was easy to follow with gestures that showed me what was happening between the two friends. A wonderful descriptive piece as you show us the environment. Nicely thought out story.

Thanks for sharing
Happy Anniversary

~LL~
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Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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Greetings Smee ~LifeLessons~ here to review this story "Beyond the Darkness -Chapter One"

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*Bird* First Impressions *Bird*


Okay well remind me never to use black ink when writing! *Laugh*
This poor guy Sej who is a writer in the making comes to a stop. He can't write and with frustration sends his ink bottle, spilling it. A little angered he succumbs to the bottle of whiskey taking a few drinks than he probably intended to. Things start to happen that he feels is his imagination, until he gets too curious and finds himself in the depths of darkness. Leaving me suspense to only read further, it seems Sej is in another world.He finds himself in new clothes, a new place. A place that is unlike home. Now things are happening.

*Palette* Imagery *Palette*


I really enjoyed this read. Due to the descriptive writing I felt as though I was sitting right beside Sej. You used great actions and conventions that brought this story to life. His tone of voice was well heard. His fear of coming to in another world was felt. Many emotions with this great first chapter.

*Type* Structure *Type*


You introduce your character is a way that I didn't have to guess. There was background giving me a view into the life of Sej. A wonderful conflict in the very beginning that lead to a greater conflict towards the end. A story that will carry on and one I will have to read. i really enjoyed how you introduced this story. A great title that grips the story well. A strong character that I know is in for the adventure of his life. A story he will hopefully be able to write about.

*Writing* Over All Thoughts *Writing*


Great writing! A fine read with great spacing. No errors that I could see, but I was so into the story I wasn't looking for any. The most enjoyable thing about reviewing is coming across such a great written piece. Well done! I am so glad I was able to read this and I will be reading the second chapter.

~LL~
*Bird*
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Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Greetings Sunny ~Lifelessons~ here to review this short story "The Sound of Sunshine" which I found in the newbies listing.

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*Bird* First Impression *Bird*


What a wonderful well written story! Maya sounds like a free spirit or she is a little resentful to her mother's new child. I had to question Maya's age, so I am guessing fourteen maybe? The story taking place in a foreign country was done with an amazing detail. I could place myself under those clouds. I couldn't place myself where it was though. I have an idea that China maybe? I must sound foolish because I really couldn't pick up on it. Except for the mention of the tin roof and dragons.

*Palette* Imagery *Palette*


Such beautiful imagery through out this whole story. I love the descriptive writing. The whirlpools in her cup of tea and the sound of sunshine would remain. So very poetic!! The clock above the mantel being a relic and a reminder of her mother's infidelity was great. You really had me picturing this place as I read which only enthralled me more to read on. Details are so important and you did this with great ease it seems. That is a talent for sure.

*Writing* Over All Thoughts *Writing*


It is clear to me that your passion is to write and you tell this story with grace. The flow of it was something of a prose with poetic conventions. Yet the story held a great plot and the exposition was excellent. You took right into Maya's world and I felt like i knew her. Very well done.

Thank you for sharing this wonderful story.

Keep Writing
~LL~

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Review of Perplexed  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
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Greetings Coral Boucher ~LifeLessons~ here to review this story "Perplexed" which I found in the newbie listing.

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*Bird* First Impressions *Bird*


A very cute story about Auntie Joan who would visit a family in short intervals. She enjoyed the cake that was made for her tea visits. Aunt Joan has a dog named Molly that she liked to walk. She kept to herself mostly due to her living circumstances and didn't want anyone to know how she lived.
This family becomes concerned when Aunt Joan doesn't come by for her usual visits and wanted to check on. They were told to mind their own, but the kids come across her and voice their concern.
Through it all Aunt Joan is an elderly woman with no close friends but find an unrelated love of a family.

*Type* Structure *Type*


I have to say that I was confused almost right away. There was so much attention describing this delicious cake that I lost sight on the real story. There was a lot of things told without detail or emotions. Conventions of a story were lost. I had to re read it a couple of times do to the past tense and present tense that became quite confusing.

*Writing* Over All Thoughts *Writing*


This story has a great potential to shine. There are emotions here that can be described using the vocabulary that presents such things. I would start from the beginning and introduce your main character with a bit of a background. Introduce the cake near the end. Focus on the structure a little more. Add spacing so the reader can understand it all with flow.

Keep Writing
~LL~

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Review of The Elixer  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
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GreetingsSunny ~LifeLessons~ here to review this short story "The Deal" which I found in the newbies listing.

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*Bird* First Impressions *Bird*


Well leave it to a guy on the streets to lure a guy in. Hink, line and sinker! What was this Alan guy thinking? Who does that? Alan that's who. The old guy made some valid points to make Alan second guess where his life was going. It didn't take long before he headed to the ATM to take out his last of his money and give it to a stranger, who said he could triple it in a night. Alan gives up his apartment and spends money he didn't have on drinks at the bar. What he thought was trouble turned into more than that, but a dead end. Lesson learned I would hope. Never gamble on a pipe dream that comes from an old guy on a park bench. Food for thought.*Laugh*

*Type* Structure *Type*


Good steady conventions in this story. Starting with exposition telling us how Alan lost his job with not much money left to live on. He heads to the park to contemplate his situation. Rising action to conflict when he meets Bo, a man who lives in the park. Bo starts telling Alan how the government runs the show and we live in a time of freedom. In other words make a choice to do what you want in life. He then proposes a transaction with Alan and Alan sees a new light. It meant the rest of his savings but thought it was a new adventure that would work out in his favor. The plot thickens when Alan bites the bait and withdraws his account of two thousand dollars and gives it to Bo. Alan returns to the park at 5:15 as Bo suggested and waits. This being the resolve that wasn't very good at all. Maybe Bo showed up? Who knows.

*Writing* Final Thoughts *Writing*


This was a very well told story that read with a great pace. The dialogue was clear that gave me a visual of the scene at hand. Strong characters with descriptive writing was great.

Thanks for sharing
Keep Writing

~LL~
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Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Greetings woody ~Lifelessons~ here to review this story "The Ogre and the Leprechaun which I found in the Newbie's list.

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*Bird* First Impressions *Bird*


What a wonderful story! I love reading children's books but have never attempting writing them. This ogre Landu is one that doesn't act like the usual ogre that other stories talk about. He does the same thing day in and day out. I loved the part where he sings as he goes to see what he trapped for the day.
Charlie the leprechaun is quick on the draw when finds out he may be someone's supper. A wonderful description as Charlie figures out a way to flip his situation.



*Palette* Imagery *Palette*


I have to say that my imagination went crazy while I read this piece. With the descriptive writing you had me in that cage with Charlie watching the ogre get frustrated as he tried to read the recipe. Any child would love a story like this because it holds suspense but not too much of it. I imagine a huge tree as the ogre's home. A hollowed out tree among the tallest trees one had ever seen. Toad stools, sounds from the forest while the ogre whistling a bonnie tune. Well done!

*Writing*
Over All Thoughts
*Writing*


A clever little story that held all conventions of a short story. I imagine this with pages of illustrations that could capture a child's eye with excitement. I was easy to read with great dialogue between the two characters. conflict of course started off well in the beginning and continued into the resolution that brought a smile to my face. A bit of a lesson learned in this story as well which is awesome.

thanks for sharing
~LL~

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Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Greetings Barnaby ~Lifelessons~ here to review this short story "Twelve Days A Soldier" which I found in the short story listing.

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*Bird* First Impression *Bird*


A heart wrenching story of one man out of how many who told his story in twelve short letters. Without dialogue and only one character you brought to light a story of a man who suffers and dies slowly with only thoughts of his family that he knows is grieving. Anger setting in as he writes letters to his government for leaving him behind and for setting them up to only die. Heroes they say, he begs to differ and I tend to agree. Victims maybe.

*Type* Structure *Type*


Right from the beginning you had my attention. This story starts with conflict and ends in a resolution of death. Although there is no dialogue or other characters you brought this story to life. It held so many conventions of a great story. Simple but complicated and I am sure so many can relate. I couldn't imagine dying that way and fully aware of what is happening. To write it down daily to leave behind a message that may or may not be found. I believe it brought solace to the character keeping his hope alive until the bitter end.

*Writing* Over All Thoughts *Writing*


I thoroughly enjoyed this story because it grabbed me within. It held my attention as i knew each letter that was written was another day of a living hell for this soldier. I was sad to know he died in the end, but realistically how many make it out in that situation. So keeping it real was important. Well done.

Keep Writing!
~LL~
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Review of MISSING  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Greetings the scribe ~Lifelessons~ here to review this short story "Missing" which I found in the short story listing.

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*Bird* First Impression *Bird*


A tragic incident and one I can relate to. My son was two when he went missing in a womans clothing story. I was crying and frantic. It took two sales people and a security guard to find him. He decided it would be funny to play a joke on mommy and hide in the clothes racks. One part of me was crying of joy and the other part was heart broken thinking of the very thought. A mother's intuition kicks in when these things happen and we are bonded with our children so much it's like a part of us is missing.

*Type* Structure *Type*


A great exposition as you give the reader a background that leads right into a great conflict. The rising action as the mother begins to panic and can't find him. The plot reaching the point where mom hears someone say her boy's name over the intercom. She is relieved as the story reaches a happy resolution in finding her son.


*Writing* Over All Thoughts *Writing*


This was well written and I only have one suggestion. When your character is in thought try using italics so the reader knows she is in thinking within herself and not talking. The spacing was great with dialgue that made sense. I was glad to the happy ending.

Thanks for sharing
~LL~
*Bird*
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Review of Role Models  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Greetings Thimpin ~LifeLessons~ here to review this story "Role Models" which I found on the short story listings.

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*Bird* First Impressions *Bird*


This was a great story that held a horrible conflict for Tommy. His mother who beats him and is afraid of her own husband. Keeping the kids in line took a tole on her to the point her own anger came out on the kids. Tommy is a young boy who sees no different because he was raised this way. "Tater" comes into the story as a new person in town and people don't associate with him much and without knowing the difference Tommy excepts a ride from him.
Tater's intentions were not good and he was set out to violate the young boy. Mr. Gibson arrives and saves him. From the whole story I came to the conclusion that Mr. Gibson was Tommy's father? I wasn't sure about that part. My assumption only.

*Type* Structure *Type*


I really enjoyed the exposition in this story. You went right into a great conflict that lead to a rising action into the plot where Tommy is faced with yet another conflict. The falling action is where I was confused. A bit vague as to what exactly happened to Tommy in the truck. I assumed it was crashed? Did he dream of losing his legs and arms? I am thinking it was a dream. The resolution starts when Mr. Gibson comes to the scene and screams this was his son. He takes Tommy lovingly to bring to safety. This is where I assumed that Mr. Gibson was his father.

*Writing* Over All Thoughts *Writing*


This was a great story and it held many conventions of emotion, visual scenes and allowed me to see the story. I didn't feel as though you told it. It held great dialogue with detail and action. A story well told. I read it easily due to spacing and found no error in grammar or punctuation.

Thanks for sharing
~LL~
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Review of Blind Date  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
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Greetings Sum1 LifeLessons~ here to review this short story which I came across in your port.

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*Bird* First Impressions *Bird*


Well, quite the twist on a blind date now isn't it? Poor guy had no idea that this girl he didn't know was trying set up a date with him. I assume that she had been there before she had her eye on him for some time. Jim who is quite shy didn't know how to handle the situation at first and needed a little push. Denise lightens things by staying at the pub to start conversation that leads them both to spending time together for the rest of the evening. A twist to the date for sure in the end when they end up making love three or four times in one night.
Quite a date for Jim.


*Person* Characters *Person*


Denise is a woman who has her eyes on a waiter that works in a pub. She is confident enough to know that this whim will work. She is pretty, five foot three, 120 pounds with fairly straight hair. Denise is the one who initiates the conversations through out the evening trying to break the ice with Jim.

Jim who works at this bar, notices Denise sitting alone and wonders why because he has seen her in there before on many occasions. He decides to approach her but his shyness keeps him from being too forward. Once he knows she waiting for a date he holds back and keeps an eye on her while her date shows up. This doesn't happen however and once he is done work he sits for a drink and Denise approaches him and engages in a conversation that leads them to spend the rest of the evening together.

*Writing* Over All Thoughts *Writing*


A great setting of scene! I enjoyed reading as these two people got to know each other. The dialogue was excellent as I could visualize the two talking and Jim comes out of his shell some. It seems Denise was just what he needed. The spacing was clear which made it easier for me to read. Great little story with a lot of detail.

Thanks for sharing.
Keep Writing.

~LL~
*Bird*

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Review of One Year Later  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Greetings Pumpkin ~LifeLessons~ here to review this prose "One Year Later" which I found in the prose listing.

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*Bird* First Impression *Bird*


We love our moms and there is doubt about it. As I read this of course I thought of my mother because of the similarities or do all moms keep the same things. Mom always says, "When I go, you are inheriting all of my junk because nobody else will ever know what it meant to me."
I need to buy a bigger house! I can't imagine letting my mother go and I feel so sorry for the narrator having to deal with a great loss, a best friend, a mother.

*TeaV* Structure *TeaV*


There is no plot, rising action or other conventions that hold this story as a short story. It is a prose and it holds heart felt emotions all the way through it. I felt the anguish, the loss, the findings of precious memories. You had me wanting to run to my mother's and collect everything we shared along the way before they go missing.
I also agree that tupperware should never be thrown out. They are life time life savers !!
Cook books are a must and even if we don't use them every day, they are apart of the kitchen. A must have, better yet mom's cook books are the best because there is always some little scribble she wrote while cooking.

*Writing* Over All Thoughts *Writing*


A wonderful prose of many emotions from the whole family. A keepsake that I hope you put in a special place. I am a letter writer and I have been writing letters to my son since he was born. He will have a lot to read when I am gone.
Best wishes!

Thank you for sharing

~LL~
*Bird*

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Review of October, 2013  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Greetings Turtle ~ KanyáthƐko:wa:h ~lifeLessons~ here to review this ariticle "October, 2013" which I found in your port.

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*Bird* First Impressions *Bird*


All points made are valued. I live in Canada and the issue stands here as well. We have reached a plateau with revenue. Technology has happened too quickly. i believe that the 50's were where we should have stayed. Everyone made the same amount. mothers stayed at home. Fathers worked and provided. There were less economical factors and more jobs for people. At some point we have to be realistic that our country is hitting a brick wall. The government has no clue on how much they are losing as far as the next generation. It has shown there are lies, manipulations and over spending. So how are these kids to know who to vote for. Where is the incentive for the young adults that are coming of age to vote. Funny you wrote this in 2013 and yet here we are two years later and no better but worse off.

*Writing* Over All Thoughts *Writing*


Politics are usually a battle of conversation but your points are well stated and I am sure many would agree. A over all conversation piece but no action taken. There has to be changes.
You presented this with facts are truth and none that i can personally argue with.
I had no issues reading this as it was presented well.

Thanks for sharing

~LL~
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Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Greetings Turtle ~ KanyáthƐko:wa:h ~Lifelessons~ here to review this article "Christmas Wish 2013" which i found in your port.

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*Bird* First Impressions *Bird*


I have to totally agree with this. Christmas is a time to reflect, to give and to allow a richness to enter our truest being. Giving is not meant for the malls, however it has come down to the consumer shopping. I believe that Christmas should be spent giving to those in need. Our family one year adopted a family. We bought them a tree and one gift for each person in the house. Then we collected grocery gift certificates and bought them enough food for the holidays. Isn't that what it is all about.
Mom and I love to get together and make our decorations for the tree and those are my most treasured.
I have my own miracle for Christmas. In 2012 on December 22nd, my son was released from the hospital after being on life support for a month. A blessing, and miracles happen. i believe that.

*Type* Structure *Type*


You held a great opinion on what you believe to be Christmas. A valid point in many areas. Everything you wrote meant the true meaning that the people have forgotten about. Celebration of life and what was endured in the last year needs to be reflected upon.
Again you wrote this with passion, a great flow, nice spacing. Well written.

Thanks for sharing

~LL~
*StockingR*
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Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
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Greetings Kåre Enga in Udon Thani ~Lifelessons~ here to review this prose which I found in the genre listings of friendship

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*Bird* first Impressions *Bird*


This is a beautiful piece, and I would see it as a poetic prose. Prose is the English language used to tell a story, but poetic prose holds conventions of poetic devises. This piece screams poetry! It speaks of the narrator sitting under a tree writing to a love. Telling him how this tree represents present time of life and gratuity and how life moves quickly and taking all that we hold dear as being young.

Every reader of any prose, poetry, even vignette holds their own impression as to what the poet is writing. This is the gift of a writer, to obtain the reader's own interpretation that relates to them. Using descriptive imagery is how we grab the readers heart. This piece holds a great imagery for me and it also keeps me in the moment thinking of the future.

You used many conventions that relate this to a poetry prose. I see hyperbole, simile, assonance and figurative speech and all of this conventions portray your work as a soft, soothing read.


*FairyR*Over All Thoughts *FairyL*


I also had a hard time between the differences of all three, but now I know that there is a difference between the three. If you look them up and read closely you will see the difference.
This was a pleasure to read and if you want it to be a poetic prose you did well. I enjoyed it and it gave me reason to read into it and give it my own interpretation.

Thank you for sharing
Keep Writing

~LL~
*Bird*
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Review of Harry's Prairie  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Greetings Arakun the Twisted Raccoon ~LifeLessons~ here to review this story "Harry's Prairie" which I found in the garden genre.

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*Bird* First Impressions *Bird*


What a wonderful story this was! I am a gardener myself and when I read this I had a memory of something similar. When my husband and I first bought our house, we were young and I couldn't afford flowers so I started seeds in egg cartons which came up nicely. I transferred the new growing seeds to my garden. One day my father in law came over and he was in the front garden and before I knew it raked my garden out!!
I asked what on earth was he doing and he said if you want a great garden you have to weed and turn the earth, so I got rid of these weeds for you. I thought I would die but I cried instead.
So I related only too well with this wonderful story.

*Grass* *FlowerY* *Grass*


It is so true that our natural plants are being destroyed. My mother has a cottage garden as they call it. Filled with wild flowers and a few perennials of her own, but the beauty of the wild flowers is that they carry their own finesse. Blooming all around the year, there is always something blooming which seems like a performance of their own natural debut.

*Type* Structure *Type*


This story had a nice natural flow about it. The dialogue was great and followed suit as the story unfolded. I really didn't see the end as it was conveyed. nicely done. I think I would have went next door and pulled out everything he planted. Okay that is extreme, but I would have lost it.
The spacing was great and there was no hesitation is reading it. I found no errors with grammar or punctuation. An inspirational piece that was also informative.

Thanks for sharing
Keep writing

~LL~
*Bird*


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Review of The 11th Day  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
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Greetings Victoria Burnside ~LifeLessons~ here to review this story "The 11th Day" which I found in the short story listing.

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*Bird* First Impressions *Bird*


The incident of 9/11 of devastating and I could not imagine being there whether in the building or watching it from the ground. The turmoil and craziness of it all is hard to rap my mind around. There are emotions involved that I couldn't conceive unless I was there. Yet you took one character and told his one story.

*Person* Characters *Person*


Your character Nathan is at work when all hell breaks lose. He is trapped and tries to fight for his freedom outside of the building. Taking the flight of stairs and running into problems with thoughts of not making it out alive he ends up getting out and wonders how or why.

*Type* Suggestions *Type*


There are a few things I would like to mention. When writing such an emotional piece it's important you chose words to convey the situation as emotional. I found the story told instead of shown. It seemed choppy without detail. Nathan would have been panicked and when he had to leave his friend behind, there must have been tears. His friend would have begged to send a message to his family.
The dialogue was brief. I imagine there would have been commotion and I didn't feel that as I read it.
Writing in present tense is harder than we think, so you need to stay in the present. First person is hard also and you did okay with this part.

*Writing* Over All Thoughts *Writing*


This has the bones of a great story but one you should revise somewhat and bring it to life. I thought it should bring a tear or an ache in my chest, but I didn't feel it.
Descriptive writing would need to be presented here carefully as others read you want them to be able to relate to such a horrific event.

I hope these suggestions were helpful.
Thanks for sharing.
Keep Writing!

~LL~
*Bird*

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Review of Sober Siblings  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Greetings Winnie Kay ~Lifelessons~ here to review this short story "Sober Siblings" which I found in the drama listing.

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*Bird* First Impression *Bird*

I couldn't help reading this and thinking back to when my son wanted to move his bedroom into the basement. Are you sure you weren't at my house? *Wink*
That age is nothing I miss I tell you that much. These two guys thought they were settled in for a day of no school and a few beers and all was good. Frightened in their own home from sounds coming over the ceiling. Calling the police was a good thing but I had to chuckle because they kind of got caught on their own didn't they. Glad nobody was hurt in this story but a story they can tell for a long time.

*Person* Characters *Person*




We have two brothers Luke and Bennie. Luke has the bedroom in the basement and he thinks his day is made in the shade while his parents are gone and he skips school. Having a couple of brews and listening to tunes, he is the more aloof character out of the two I would say.

Bennie is more concerned about the noises coming from upstairs and he wants to figure out the cause, but to his surprise the cause is an ax through the door. I assume that Bennie is the younger of the two still having a bit of sense..*Laugh*

*Type* Structure *Type*


Your story holds a great triangle here starting with the exposition. You leave nothing to the imagination about the background, characters, scene setting. I really enjoyed the detail that showed me exactly what they were doing. Showing is better than telling and you did this very well.
The resolution is the two brothers getting out of the house while it was on fire and I am glad they did. A lesson learned I hope.
I had a very easy time reading this story however I would of read it easier with spacing in between.

*Writing* Final Thoughts *Writing*


I really enjoyed this venture of two brothers playing hooky from school and the very fact that it kind bit them in the butt. Well told with great detail and all conventions of a great story used.

Thanks for sharing
Keep Writing
~LL~

*Bird*
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Review of Anomanunka  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Greetings Turtle ~ KanyáthƐko:wa:h ~Lifelessons~ here to review this story "Anomanunka" which I found in your port.

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*Bird* First Impressions *Bird*


I love legends and this one is great and told as a true legend of it's people. What strength Anomanunka held while he was captured and abused, all with great love for his wife. He didn't bend for anyone and impressed the chief with his bravery. I guess that went a long way as far as a legend goes.


*Type* Structure *Type*


I loved the exposition in this story because from the very beginning it sets a tone. A story told of a long time passed. I could imagine the story teller retelling this story with pride. As horrible as the story was as far as the brutal beating and being tied to a post, it gave a sense of savagery that in all legends held. So I appreciate the fact that you didn't hold back with that.

*Person* Characters *Person*


We have the main character Anomanunka who finds his farm destroyed and his wife taken. He sets off on his travels to seek her out and have her back in his life. This gets him caught as the tribe takes him for tress passing on their land. His strength overcomes the beatings and leads him to freedom and regaining his wife by his side.

The wife who doesn't want anything else to happen to her husband sneaks up to him in the evenings and tends to his wounds and holds small conversations with him without getting caught.

This shows so much love and what it stands for in the very end and isn't that how it should be?

Thanks for sharing!
Keep Writing

~LL~
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Review of Hard Truth  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
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Greetings Turtle ~ KanyáthƐko:wa:h ~Lifelessons~ here to review this short story "Hard Truth" which I found in your port.


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*Bird* First Impressions *Bird*


This short story holds a lot of truth to it. Sometimes we are so caught up in the situation that we don't take a hard look to see the wrongs. I have heard of this before of couples breaking up due to the smothering of one or the other. Jealousy is a curse to many in all kinds of situations but in a relationship it can be the deal maker.

*Type* Structure *Type*


The beginning sentence was a hook for me because of the great descriptive setting. As i reached the second and third lines I became lost. Even though this story holds a great deal of strength and insight I have many questions that sit in the grey area.
Who was this person he was talking to?
Who was he?
A little background would have set the story up with a great exposition but it was left blank.
I commend you on the deliverance with carefully chosen words to create a great emotion. I felt the energy this person had as he danced on the wall and stuck his finger in the characters face.

*Writing* Over All Thoughts *Writing*


I see the talent here in writing skill without a doubt. This story has the bones of a great read. Maybe take time to give some detail to the characters and background and you will see how it will convey totally differently to your reader.

Thanks for sharing

~LL~
*Bird*

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Review of Livingroom  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Greetings Turtle ~ KanyáthƐko:wa:h ~Lifelessons~ here to review this story "Livingroom" which I found in your port.

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*Bird* My First Impression *Bird*


I loved this story and as I read further my own memories came back to me. Back to the days where money was tight but we were happy and so content with the mix matched living room we had. I would fill that room with little nic nacs that I would find at garage sales because I didn't have the money to decorate as I wanted to, but you know today the living room is matched right down to the nic nacs. I miss my old living room and the happiness that it held. My son played in there and we cuddled in there, such wonderful memories.
So this story is touching and probably something not too many give thought to. I know I didn't look at my life according to the living room and the changes that came with it. Clever!!!

*Type* Structure *Type*


I found this story lovely and almost as a poetic prose. It holds a valued memory as the narrator speaks in thought while staring out the window.
The flow was great as you remember each special piece as your life unfolds in the living room. Bringing you back to a full circle wanting the simplicity. I believe if we stuck with those simple pleasures more marriages would still be together.
There is no plot or rising action and there is no need. It speaks volumes all by itself. A great job with spacing and no errors that I could see. nicely done!

Keep Writing

~LL~



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Review of The Ghost  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Greetings badwipeout ~LifeLessons~ here to review this prose "The Ghost" which I found in the prose listing.

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*Bird* My Thoughts *Bird*


I related to this piece because my Nanny is 93yrs old and we take care of her. She lives alone and we see her every week, however we talk on the phone at least three times a day. She cries some days of being lonely and it breaks my heart. I wish I could be there more often but I have other priorities as well. She is lost and knows she is on borrowed time. It is sad that every time I go over and spend the night, we talk about the same stories over and over again. Our conversations on a daily basis are the same as the day before. A once beautiful woman who always attended every important gala of the town, now so little, fragile and alone. Growing old is the last narrowing path in life and I couldn't imagine going down that road without dignity. I hope nanny never feels so desolate.

*FairyR* Conventions *FairyL*


Knowing that prose is the English language spoken in sentences and not so much as poetry, yet it holds wonderful conventions as poetry does. Prose poetry is my favorite and I love writing it as well. I see so many conventions in this piece that allow it to flow, with soft sounds, simile, hyperbole assonance and so many more. It speaks so truly of someone growing older and lost in time. From the beginning to the end you had my heart holding on to a piece of the characters past.
Nicely done!

*Writing* Over All Thoughts *Writing*


What we see as older people are truly a piece of our past in some way. They are special and more and more I see how they are forgotten. I wouldn't want to be old without a legacy and someone to honor me for it. Thank you for allowing me to read this piece. It truly touched me.

Keep Writing!

~LL~
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Review of "UNGH!"  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Greetings Angus ~Lifelessons~ here to review this story "Ungh" which I found in your port!! Happy Birthday!

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*Bird* My First Impression *Bird*


I have to laugh because I hate those family moments. We had to grind our teeth through a Christmas dinner a few years back and it just doesn't work out. Haven't been back since, so this story brought me back to that uncomfortable moment.
I felt so bad for Jill being put in the middle and trying to pull her husband's family back together. She had no idea how much her husband didn't want them there did she. It seems she is probably wishing she skipped the whole meal.
A big surprise for Jill as well when she learns about the darker side and secrets that built up from the past.
There are some things that should be left alone I guess. *Laugh*


*People* characters *People*


All of these character were strong and they held an important role at the dinner table. I still feel for Jill. What will become of her once she has found all this out? Will she lean towards Mike after finding out the truth? How will Mike deal with Jill?

Ben found out that his cousin was repaying a debt from a long time ago. He didn't want his cousin to come for Christmas and now I see why. There were secrets he didn't want to come out.

Tracy gets caught also by a lie. She had no idea what was coming to her by her own husband. It goes without saying that this has been brewing for a long time.

Mike has held a grudge for years and how smooth was he to have pulled this off in someone else's home after being invited!! You can't choose your family, but you don't need to keep them either. lol

*Writing* Over All Thoughts *Writing*


You have proven over and over again that you love to write stories with a twist. I love that!! Your story held my attention well and easily with the spacing. Dialogue was great and description with actions helped gain a vision of the situation.

Thanks again for sharing!

~LL~



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Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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Greetings Angus and happy birthday! ~LifeLessons~ here to review this story "The Flame of Mortality" which I found in your port.

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*Bird* First Impressions *Bird*


Love the title, it certainly suits the story here. A super natural abnormality without a doubt. A person who doesn't sleep for so long can start seeing things that aren't there. Was this person developing insomnia that brought him to hallucinating? This conflict that starts right away in the story lead smooth into the rising action as he sees this man in his dreams come closer each night. The plot thickens as he opens this box and sees a pounding heart, his own pounding hear, although he doesn't realize it yet. He wakes up and notices a scar down his chest assuring him that it did happen.

*Person* Characters *Person*


Andy is the main character and finds himself sitting up in the night when he snaps out of a paranormal state. He finds melting wax on the floor as he does every night in the last few. A flickering light of a candle keeps him in a trance. He is fearful of a man that lingers in his state of mind during these moments. He tries to fight it but in the end can't seem to say no to the box and what it reveals.

I have to wonder if after he finds out that his heart was taken, did he find out if he was in another form? Was his soul taken with his heart? Does the encounter change him?

The man with the box is someone who visits Andy on a regular basis. Although I know his intentions, I wonder who he was and what he looked like. Why did he choose Andy? This is an experience that is eerie but I didn't feel it. The scene maybe was missing something. Set a scene that sets the creepiness. Does this man walk out of smoke, what was around him? What did his voice sound like.
I think there are some senses lacking.

*Writing* Over All Thoughts *Writing*


This was an intriguing story that was told well. Spacing was clear and no noted grammar or punctuation errors. I think it would be a great idea if you revise it a little and make that last moment come to life without leaving it unknown to the reader.

Thanks for sharing
Keeps Writing!

~LL~
*Bird*

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