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Review of Serial Killer  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Greetings Ajay my name is ~LifeLessons~ and I came across this piece on the Power Review request page. Everyone loves a suspense thriller. Setting the scene is of the up most importance. This is a review based on my own personal view. As a writer myself I am also learning along the way and that is what this site is all about. We read, share, review and hope to gain knowledge to share with those who are new. So let's begin shall we?

*BookOpen* First Impression *BookOpen*


So you are trying to set a scene here and bring the reader to a moment of realization and fear. Every writer has their own way of starting off a story. What is right and what is wrong? That is something we all work out on a daily basis. I won't get into great detail of a line by line review. I want to round it out for you a little.

*Type* Structure *Type*


You have a great idea for a suspense story here. The conflict is told right of the bat. However I had to re read it several times due to past and present tense. The back and forth was confusing enough but you also left me as the reader trying to figure out your characters. This would be of up most importance in the beginning of any story. A description of her and him, how they met and how she became who she is. Did she have a name? How about his name? Writing in first person is a challenge and because this was quite short it worked.

If you wanted to really turn this into a great story which I think the idea is great. You need to re focus on your character building. Sentence structure, using capitals where needed.


*Writing* Over All Thoughts *Writing*


I see potential in this piece and I believe you have it in you to commit to it. This "idea" is full of possibilities and if you take to a new level, you yourself will see how a writer can blossom.

These are all important things to pay attention to and I hope you take the time to revise it. I would love to read it again if you chose to do so.

Thanks for sharing

~LL~

*Bird*



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Review of Eden  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*GiftR* WDC 15th Birthday Reviews *GiftR*


Greetings Ashen Sunflower my name is ~Lifelessons~ and I came across this piece "Eden" in the poetry listings.
I love poetry and all the wonderful ways it can touch us as readers. It inspires us to play with words to convey such emotion.

*Bird* First Impression *Bird*


I loved this! You followed the conventions and form of a villanelle very well. You also used great poetic conventions of many others as well. A lovely setting in August as the air turns to a chill while fall creeps in. I love how the two seasons mingle into an evening that allows us to still enjoy the sounds but smells of the next to arrive. Nature is that magical.

*Fairy* Conventions *Fairy*


Alliteration


The repetition of consonant sounds starting in the beginning and throughout the line and verse. You did this is a wonderful way choosing soft sounds that ease the flow of a summer's breeze.

Assonance


The repetition of vowel sounds in a sentence which you proved to have used so well.
A moth bathes in a street lamp’s glare,


Onomatopoeia


The use of words to initiate the sounds the poet describes. As you used it with the owls that croon.

So many conventions that I saw and it really did make this poem so lovely. There was great imagery with your chosen words. I sit on my porch every night and soak in the changes of the seasons. You brought this to life for me.
Wonderul!*Fairy*

*Fairy3* Favorite Lines *Fairy3*


An owl unfurls his wings with regal flair.
Two more upon the rooftop gutters croon.
Summer’s symphony fills the air.

This verse just speaks poetic devices that bring to where the poet speaks of. I love the word choices here. Unfurls, regal flair.. just divine.

*FairyR* Over All Thoughts *FairyR*


Thank you for sharing this beauty! I am so glad I came across it. I have nothing else to offer but only enjoyed it very much. I hope you enjoy the week's festivities during the anniversary of the site!! *BalloonV*

*BalloonV* *BalloonV* *BalloonV*


~LL~
*Bird*
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Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*GiftR* WDC 15th Birthday Reviews *GiftR*


Greetings Happy April 2024! My name is ~Lifelessons~ and I came across this story "An Extraordinary Day" in the read and review list. Once I read the short telling of the story I had to peak and read on. I love seniors. For some reason I just click with them, always have.

*GiftV* First Impression *GiftV*


Shocking to know that this was on the news. I know your version is fiction, but in all honesty I have to wonder how that poor woman survived. I guess she was dehydrated! Too bad she could have her last say with these two teenagers. I love "Gettin old is not for sissies." It sure isn't! She is one tough cookie.


*BookStack* Structure *BookStack*


A great exposition with the story! You jumped right into a conflict! Awesome, I love that! The conflict heightens into rising action when Nellie is put into the trunk during a heat wave. Being elderly she on a hope and a prayer of surviving this horrible ordeal. Falling action brings us to the side of the road where Nellie is let out of the trunk to her own devises. A happy resolution when she is okay and back with her family.

This story was easy to read. Great spacing and the dialogue was smooth. I enjoyed the use of the words that you were given in the prompt. "cerulean summer sky" perfect choice!

*Writing* Over All Thoughts *Writing*

It was clear to me from the beginning that this woman was going to be in trouble. A great story that you wrote around a news story. So many terrible things happen these days. I am so happy that this woman came out of this okay. Thanks so much for sharing!

I hope you enjoy the activities this week!!*GiftR*

~LL~
*BalloonR*
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Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
*GiftR* WDC 15th Birthday Reviews *GiftR*


*GiftW* First Impression *GiftW*


I read this poem as a free verse and it holds many conventions that are great! There are gateways to sin without a doubt and it is portrayed here as a smokey unforeseen shadow that lurks among us all.


*Wind* Conventions *Wind*


There are so many conventions that pull our poetry together. The one we really don't pay attention to is punctuation. I noticed in this piece that if you changed a few things, your voice would sound desperate as you want to convey it. That is how I read it. So I wanted to show you an example as to what I mean.

you wrote:

Oh you who see infinity !
Take a little trip with me!
answer me, where can I found
these secrets places, I'm spellbound
By the beauty of despair
when its wind blows through my hair

This is how I read it-

Oh you who see infinity-
take a little trip with me!
Answer me, where can I found
these secrets places;I'm spellbound
by the beauty of despair,
when its wind blows through my hair.

By using the caesura you are taking a great pause and letting your reader feel that pause. Using punctuation that ends your sentences allows you start with a new one. This is where your capitals should be used.

In this sentence I have to ask if it is correct?
answer me, where can I found

A little question of past and present tense here. Using the thesaurus is a great way to find what you want to say using words that don't come to mind so easily.

I noticed you used some in line rhyming and some end rhymes as well. Free verse a practice and it took some time to perfect it. Nothing is perfecting in poetry though, now is it? Words are wonderful that way. Unless you are using a certain formed poetry, you hold the reigns.

*FairyR* Favorite Lines *FairyL*


In the strange land of the dream
they wander like a deadly steam
that spread over the gentle hearts
painting them blacker than night

Now I really like this verse because it holds some great conventions. For one it is an Enjambment. This is a run-on line of poetry in which logical and grammatical sense carries on from one line to the next without the use of an end stop line. All you need to do here is put your period at the end of the verse.

*Type* Over All Thoughts *Type*


I enjoyed reading this piece and it holds a great value of expression. I would love to see you revise it a little and make a few changes. These are only my suggestions and I am not a professional. However knowing the conventions of poetry and how they work, I do hope you consider them.

Keep Writing!! *GiftR*
Enjoy the site and all it has to offer !!

~LL~
*GiftW*
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Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
*GiftR* WDC 15th Birthday Reviews *GiftR*


Greetings ashley my name is ~Lifelessons~ and I found this story in the "Read a Newbie" List. I was intrigued by the title because I have always been interested
in past life. The way things worked then is very much different to our way of living today.

*BookStack3* First Impression *BookStack3*


This story held a great conflict and I was taken by surprised by the resolve in the end. Great idea! I wonder if any had actually done this. I do know that marriages then were often lived in silence. Acceptance of unhappiness was very common. Thank goodness that changed in today's day. We have choices!! A good thing!!



*Vine2* Structure *Vine1*


Even in the shortest of stories we should pay attention to detail. I found your story was lacking a few things. I believe with details of action, character names, and surroundings would have pulled me into the story more.

Sometimes we write just to get the idea out there. This has the potential of a greater story yet. Instead telling, show the reader the situation. I wanted to feel the grief.

Spacing is very important as well. The reader needs to read with a nice flow without stammering through the piece. I would suggest some dialogue in this story to give us a clear idea of what happened to their marriage.

These are a few suggestions that i hope will help you. I would love to read this again if you choose to revise it. The concept is wonderful, let's make it great!!

I hope you enjoy the many activities here on the site this week!! So much to do! Have Fun fun fun ! Keep Writing.*BalloonR*

~LL~
*GiftW*
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Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
*GiftR* WDC 15th Birthday Reviews *GiftR*


Greetings Sewcrazy Again 🤗 my name is ~LifeLessons~ I found this little sweet story in the fiction list. I love strawberries and your title drew me in for a tasty treat.

First Impression

*ConfettiP* *ConfettiP* *ConfettiP*


This is a short sweet and wonderful little story. A children's story I would presume. I can see illustrations using wonderful colors to grab a little one's attention. Spending time with Nana and Poppy is such a positive way is so exciting for any little one. The nick name Sunshine warmed my heart as it comes from two people who love this little one so much.

To dream of strawberries falling from the sky gave me quite a giggle!! The joys of a light heart of a child. I loved the idea that even after the stand was closed the neighbors were still hanging around enjoying each other's company.

*BalloonP* Structure *BalloonP*


It was nice how you started off the story introducing your characters without going into a history rant. It was an easy pace to read without getting into too much detail. Being a story for the young I think you did an excellent job from beginning to end. There is no conflict to resolve here and none needed. The flow was good and easy to read.

*CakeP* Suggestions *CakeP*


I would like to point out a few things I would change here. The spacing is crowded. A little hard for the reader to read through without re reading the same line twice. Spacing between dialogue allows the reader to follow each character's thoughts a little easier.
Punctuation should be revised. I noticed your comma is over used and in places there is no need for. Watch your quotations and where they should end.

These are only my thoughts and I hope they are of some help. Otherwise a great little story that I really enjoyed. Thanks so much for sharing and we hope you enjoy our week of celebrating the site's anniversary!! *GiftR*

~LL~
*GiftW*

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Review of Mistress  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Greetings Word Warrior beating cancer!! ~LifeLessons~ here to review this piece " Mistress" which I found deep in your port!!
This being apart of your Nuclear Package from the WDC Power Reviewers I chose poetry. I have reviewed your work before and was excited to see what I found.

*Bird* First Impression *Bird*


Emotions are high for this narrator as she pores her heart out to her lover. The one person she sees as her soul mate is taken by another. What we perceive as love is ironic when the tables are turned and our hearts are tortured.
I feel for her to be waiting for something that will in true honesty remain as it is. Her waiting. What a web to weave, to love another that will only leave.

*FairyR* Conventions *FairyL*


There are so many conventions that allow us to portray our poetry as pieces of art. As I read this poem I found a few I would love to share with you.

You have used a free verse style of poetry with the use of a four-line stanza being a quatrain.
An implied attitude setting the tone of the character to be saddened and wishful of her lover to be close to her.

We are soul mates; we are one.

This being a great example of a metaphor because no two people can be one. We know this yet it allows the narrator to set an emotion through this convention. *Bird* Lovely!

Throughout this poem you have a great use of Assonance that really helps this poem flow with easy sounds. We tend to use assonance without really realizing it. When we do it is great fun to play with words that make our poetry come to life.

To keep you near, I need only believe...

This is a convention that I love. It is what i would see as an oblique line. The words, repeating sounds that almost seem as though they would rhyme. They don't but it catches the readers attention.

Thoughts of others are chased away

Here I would consider this a hyperbole which is a figure of speech using exaggeration.

So you see there are so many conventions that we may or may not know we are using. Once you do know it allows you to choose words carefully to enhance your work.

*Writing* Favorite Lines *Writing*


Your eyes speak to me, your lips, silent,

I loved reading this line because it holds so many emotions. In doing this you used so many conventions in this one line alone that it spoke volumes to me as the reader. Well done!!

*Vignette5* Suggestions *Vignette5*


My only suggestion would be to change a bit of the punctuation. This is also a convention that we want to use to allow the reader to "feel" to pause when you want us to, to feel the sigh of sadness or relief.
An example would be

you wrote:

How I long to feel your touch again;
Your eyes speak to me, your lips, silent,
As you tell me how much you need me,
And how she no longer cares.

Example:

How I long to feel your touch again,
your eyes speak to me, your lips-silent
as you tell me how much you need me
and how she no longer cares.

First I used the caesura which gives a strong pause within a line. After making the changes this verse is now considered an enjambment which is a run on line of poetry which logical sense of grammar use and punctuation come into play.

*Angel* Over All Thoughts *Angel*


I enjoyed reviewing this piece and was happy to give any advice that you might find useful. Thank you so much for sharing!!

~LL~
*Bird*





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Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings Susannah Deschain ~Lifelessons~ here to review this flash fiction story "One of Life's Hard Lessons" which is in celebration of your 8th anniversary!!

*Bird* First Impression *Bird*


As I read this I had a flash memory of my own son in the same situation. It is so very sad to watch them go through a lesson such as this. It is also a wonderful thing to know that our children have such loving hearts. A true sign of what kind of person they will become.
We all want to fix things and as moms we don't always have that magic touch. Some things in life are meant to be. I think there is a lesson on both sides of the coin in this story.

*Books1* Over All Thoughts *Books1*


You used the prompt well and kept the story small but held a valuable lesson for any reader. I am sure everyone can relate in some measure when reading this.

I enjoyed the visual that you had given me with the stick and the excitement of the boy as he thought he could save this little bird. A real life situation told in a way that was to the point but held great emotion. Well done!

You story held conflict and throughout came to a sad but very believable resolution. Nice! Stories are wonderful but sometimes the ending can't always be great.

Thank you for sharing this with us! I enjoyed it very much and I wish you a new wonderful year of writing!!

~LL~








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Review of The Healing Sand  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Greetings Rose Praying for Peace and happy 8th anniversary!!
My name is ~LifeLessons~ and I came across this short piece "The Healing Sand" on a list of must reads! I have to say that the title grabbed my attention!

*Bird* First Impressions *Bird*


A wonderful story of a lady named Bunnie!! I love that name and I have a friend named Bunnie! Who knew right? This woman sounds lovely and a little bit under some stress. Sometimes we have no idea how stressed we are until we are given the chance to breath.
The fact that she pushed through to help her sister pack up for her new cottage is inspiring. Well that is the moral of this story is it not? To be inspired enough to change for the better.

*Books5* Structure *Books5*


This story introduces your main character while giving a background of Bunnies situation. I have to wonder however why she was in such despair. If she was content as it was portrayed in the beginning, why did she feel so down. A little bit of detail would bring your story to a full circle from exposition to resolve.
I found the story was bit told instead of showing. The conflict was there and the resolve was a great one. I just wished I would have read a little more emotion and without questioning reasons why.
Due to the fact that this wasn't a rising action story, the narrator should pay attention to actions of the characters. Small details such as thoughts, personal body actions, imagery ect.

*Writing* Over All Thoughts *Writing*


I enjoyed this story and the outcome was very warming. I loved the idea of the main character and how she finds her peace of mind. A little vague in some spots but overall a very nice story outline.


Happy Anniversary!
~LL~








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Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Greetings Dr Matticakes Myra ~Lifelessons~ here and I am reviewing this beautiful piece "Wings (Falling From the Clouds)" A wonderful happy 8th anniversary to you!!

*Bird* First Impression *Bird*


What wonderful words you have conveyed to the reader. Romantic with such emotion of a lost love. I adore the free verse poem and I loved how you used rhyme through out this whole piece. Wonderful!

*FairyR* Conventions *FairyL*


Poetry is written from the writers heart at the best of times, yet using the many conventions that are apart of writing a wonderful piece allows the reader to "feel" what your heart is saying.
I would like to point out a few conventions that I picked up in this poem.

Great usage of Assonance here. Throughout all verses I came across this convention and it really gave your words a wonderful easy flow. Easy on the ears with a soft touch.

The simile is also another wonderful way to enhance our writing and as you used here in this line:

And like paper birds with paper wings of words
Soaring far far away.
It really brought a smile to my face because words on paper are one thing, but to see them as paper birds with paper wings sounds so angelic. love it!

You also used alliteration in a few lines. This being when there is a repetition of consonant sounds usually starting at the beginning of a line. Well done!

I love Enjambment when it is used correctly and flows for me as I read. You did this well in some instances. With a little change in punctuation, your piece could embrace the reader with a lovely flow of words.

I would like to show you how you could change this a little to allow your piece to shine brighter. These are only suggestion and i do hope you see them as ways to help your poem come to full circle.

You have written

You opened an anciant oak door
Steps making creaks upon the floor.
Stepping through you became
My newest addiction,
The sweetest of afflictions.

(oh)

Example:

You opened an ancient oak door,
steps making creaks upon the floor;
stepping through you became
my newest addiction-
the sweetest of afflictions

-oh

So I have taken away capitals in every line but the first. In doing this you can fully take advantage of the use of enjambment. By using the wonderful caesura you are telling the reader to take a great pause. This pause is a breath and allows the reader to feel the emotion here.
Punctuation is another convention that we don't really think about, however it is very important when one wants to portray emotions or telling a story.

*Writing* Favorite Lines *Writing*


The yellow trees were swaying then,
Your smile was still shy back then,
Kissing me you became,
The epitome of love,
A solemn angel from above.

So much love here!! I loved the sweet sounds written that told me just how much this person means to the narrator. Conventions are beautifully done. Little changes once again with punctuation and I am pretty sure this verse could be sung. Yellow trees!! love it!!

*Vignette5* Over All Thoughts *Vignette5*


Thank you for taking me into your poetry world. It was inspiring and beautiful. The title alone had me and when I kept on reading I felt like floating. Great imagery here!!
You captured my heart and well, that is enough for me.

~LL~




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Review of Sawdust Parker  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings tonganknight my name is ~LifeLessons~ and I am reviewing this piece "Sawdust Parker" which I found on the read a newbie list.

*Bird* First Impressions *Bird*


A wonderful story of a man who is troubled by his own demise. Almost like the stories of John Wayne or Clint Eastwood. You had me hooked right away as the story takes off setting a wonderful scene of a saloon. The character is built with wonderful descriptive writing that sets the tone of the story. Great job! Don't doubt your talent of writing a western because it read just as that to me.

*Cowboyhat* Structure *Cowboyhat*


The narrator set the bar with a great exposition. Conflict is known right away as he thinks back to his father's advice. A rising action to the plot starts when the two men enter the saloon with intentions of taking Hal back to hang him. Heightened action on Hal's part when he is quick on the draw to defend himself. Escaping his mistake turns into a fight for his life. The falling action leads the character to leave behind his mistakes and in hopes of one day changing his ways.

*Bootl* Character *Bootl*


Hal being the main character is brought to life in this story. You had me thinking he was a good guy with a bad mistaken identity. He is that guy the saloon girls want to get close to. Good but yet a rough edge. Well done! He is his own man and nobody can change him. He lives on the edge and in the moment. I love this guy!!

*Type* Over All Thoughts *Type*


I have to say I didn't see any room for improvement here. There were only a couple of typos that I won't even mention. If you read it again you will also see them. It was a pleasure to read your work and I am sure there will be more to read. Welcome to the site and I hope you receive great reviews!!

Keep Writing
~LL~





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Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings BEAR my name is ~Lifelessons~ and I am here to review this story "Within You, Without You" which I came across on the random review list.

*Bird* First Impression *Bird*


I love cliches! How wonderful for two people to meet on such relaxed terms. It makes you wonder just how people meet. I bet neither one saw it coming. Those are the relationships that last. When you are looking you will never find the one true love, only someone to fill the void. Just my take on the dating scene. I know when I met my husband I had no intentions on wanting a boyfriend. Well, thirty years later and here we are!

*BookStack2* Structure *BookStack2*


Well we know that story telling is full of must haves. We need conventions that will portray a reality of characters and scenes. I loved the exposition in this piece because it was real, easy to follow and very descriptive. The rising plot left me questionable a little. I thought maybe you could have shared some of their happy moments to give the reader a feel for the relationship before Jo went missing. I also had to question the fact that if they were so in love why wouldn't he know where Jo lived or have some sort of clue as to her being in the hospital. That is where the reality left me a little. However you took it to another level and stole my heart when I read his last letter to Jo, pleading for her to come back.
The conflict was crushing as he tries to mend his heart and accept that she was gone for probably ever.
Yet! She is there. An answered prayer that "He" didn't expect. As sad as Jo's situation was, I was thankful for the out come. A lovely love story.
You wrote this in first person which is not an easy task and you followed through with it well. There were no hesitations as I read this piece which made it more delightful to read.

*Palette*Imagery*Palette*


The narrator took me to a place of a make believe story. Snow falling and the park with the bridge was so lovely. I had no problems putting myself right there on that bench watching the snow fall. Nicely done!

With chosen words you also showed me the great amount of emotions that both parties had endured. The moment of Jo's return had my heart fluttering. I love a great ending.

*Writing* Over All Thoughts *Writing*


A great story! A lovely setting! True love always prevails and that is the truth. Enchanting letters and whispers of endearing devotion. Thank you so much for sharing and I hope to read more of your writing.

~LL~
*Bird*







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Review of An Ordinary Stone  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Greetings von Garrett My name is ~LifeLessons~ and I am reviewing this story "Hera Part One" upon your request.

*Bird* First Impressions *Bird*


Quite a story in the making here. The first draft is just getting the idea out on paper and you did this very nicely. I love the idea of powers beyond our belief. Your characters are strong and believable. You held a great imagery of the scene and took me step by step to another place in time. I felt it flowed at a nice pace without too many pauses.

*Bookstack* Structure *Bookstack*


So now that you have your idea on paper, you want to give it structure. This can be done in a couple of ways. There is the format that every writer uses and it doesn't always apply to every story. The exposition, rising action, heightened conflict, falling action leading to resolution. If we all wrote this way our ideas wouldn't flow. I believe it's always best to get the idea out first and then decide how you want the story told.

The second way to sculpt your story is using the "earth quake model" to indicate how tension can build, subside and build yet again. This is a great way to write a suspense thriller. Importantly enough however that structure is important when writing either way.

There are many parts to your story that hold both of these conventions. The introduction held my interest long enough, but I have to say there were moments I sighed. This isn't a bad thing, just a heads up that it can be cut a little and revised somewhat to keep the reader engaged.

The ending which I presume is the end could be questionable. Did Hera know of her own capabilities of her power or was she shocked at her own skill? Can the story be longer, maybe a novella.

Spacing is very important for the reader and this is something I would suggest to you. Double space between paragraphs. Space in between dialogue. This was my one concern when reading it. It felt jumbled and left me re reading the sentence over again.

*People* Characters *People*


Hera

Hera is a young woman who seeks her destiny. She seems to be a free spirit of sorts. You convey her with strength and openness to learn what she already has. The detail to the character brings her to life as she finds her way to the old woman's home.

Odrich

This is a character that is not in the story all the way through, yet he is quite the character. I wouldn't want you to get rid of him completely because he holds a purpose, but in saying that I would take away the whole idea of the fish. There isn't anything solid there that pertains to the story and because it is in the beginning you don't want the story line to trail.

Drosvu

A man of honor with a secret dark side is Drosvu. He thinks he can get what he wants with Hera without her say. He is devoted to keeping her caged at his own demise. Although he has no idea the power that Hera can hold above him, he continues to act out of line. Put in his place quite quickly and left to succumb to Hera's witchy powers.

*Type* Suggestions *Type*


I have a couple of suggestions for this "draft". Knowing it is the first I would like you to keep this in mind. I am not a professional and these are only my opinions as a reader.

*PenG* Punctuation is important and it is important to know how to use it. I noticed many commas that were a bit over used and not necessary. Too many commas can be distracting; too few can make a piece of writing hard to understand. So I would go through the punctuation and carefully use them where they serve purpose.

*PenP* A few typos such as capitals and quotations. Little mistakes in spelling but always best to polish when re writing the first draft. There are always nicks along the way so don't fret, we are all learning.

*Vignette2* Over All Thoughts *Vignette2*


All in all this is a great story and I see the potential of it being an "awesome" story. A little revising and some attention paid to where it is due, your story will shine.
I enjoyed the read and thank you for allowing me to take the time to share your first draft.

Keep Writing
~LL~
*Bird*




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Review of Resilience  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Greetings AmyBerry my name is ~LifeLessons~ and I am here to review this piece "Resilience" which I found in the random reviewing list.

*Bird* First Impression *Bird*


I am all about positive thinking, so when I found this free verse poem I related to it very well. We all have struggles in our lives that can take us to a darker side. Nobody want to give up but needing that extra push to carry forward is sometimes necessary. You convey this well in this piece.

*FairyR* Conventions *FairyL*


Conventions are a customary feature in anything we write in the literary world. We use them sometimes without even knowing what they are.
Rhythm
Alliteration
Assonance
Couplets
Enjambent
Hyperbole
Imagery
Metaphor and so many more.
This piece holds a few of what I described above. The other convention that is very useful to convey your emotions are punctuation. I would like to show you how different your poem would sound if punctuation were changed just a little.

True to your heart
always hang on.
Dreams shouldn't die:
try your best-be strong.
Focus on what you want
and try to reach there-
remember-follow your heart.
God is with you-He cares.

So without rewriting the whole poem I wanted you to see the little changes that can help your piece become a shiny piece of art!!

*Writing* Final Thoughts *Writing*


Thank you for sharing an inspiring collection of words that will be read by many who will relate. I enjoyed it very much and hope to see more of what you have.

Keep Writing!
~LL~
*Bird*

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Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
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Greetings Joy ~LIfeLessons~ here to review this short story for spoil a member, a part of GoT.

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*Bird* First Impressions *Bird*


I love angel stories!! They are the best kind. I believe in them and pray to them. I know they watch over us. Isn't that a nice feeling? This angel Alex has become the higher being to watch over Bobby and it was a task Alex wasn't prepared for. I wonder if angels get emotional over our situations or are they so grounded to see us through their emotions are put to the side. It is stories like this that I love to review.

*Angel* Structure *Angel*


Well from the beginning we have not one conflict but two! Alex's job to see Bobby through a turning point in his life and Bobbie's to pull through this race. Both conflicts soar into a rising plot of conflict when Bobbie questions his motives after another car crashes. Alex continues to wrap her wings around Bobbie and his safety and to win. Knowing Alex couldn't intervene with his choices, one can only sit back and guide. The plot falls into rising action when Bobbie let's the other cars pass him by allowing Chet to win the race. The resolution being that the true winner here was Bobbie for allowing Chet to shine. Wonderful!

*Writing* Over All Thoughts *Writing*


So pleased that I came across this story and there is no wondering why you won. It read smoothly with a quick rising action. I saw no mistakes as far as grammar or punctuation. Character were all strong and it was believable. To me any way! I loved the ending knowing that Bobbie pulled back to let Chet win. What a nice feeling.
I am sure Alex had something to do with that one.*Wink*

Thank you for sharing

~LL~




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Review of The Building  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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Greetings Riot ~LifeLessons~ here to review this short story "The Building"

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*Bird* First Impression *Bird*


Well I didn't see that coming! I thought for sure a ghost story, but you took me off guard. Brilliant ending!!
I for one don't feel comfortable in big city surroundings. I feel as though my head will do a 360 trying to soak everything in and like you said, before you know you are lost.

*Type* Structure *Type*


From beginning to end I was taken in by the imagery, senses, scenery, characterization, and dialogue. Everything was written with great style, and well noted intentions for a great drama.

The exposition took me into the city with the main character, straight into a conflict. The rising action leads to rising conflict when the plot takes the reader to the moment of surprise. A place condemned from the living. Falling action leads the reader to believe that she escaped or it was a bad dream, however the resolve leaves a great twist that ends in a conflict once again.
Great, great great!! I certainly see how you attained this ribbon.
The man on the streets was a valued character here and as he was written in with short sentences he was the reason for the horror. A very strong character!

*Writing* Over All Thoughts *Writing*


Thank you for taking me on a journey in a city that consumes a person. With surprises and wonders of what lies behind the doors of an abandoned building. I enjoyed this story very much.

~LL~
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Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Greetings Redtowrite ~LifeLessons~ here to review this short story "Nursing is both Roses and Thorns" which I found in the read and review.

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*Bird* First Impressions *Bird*


This story holds true. I am not a nurse but I have watched two people pass away from brain cancer. One in the hospice and the other in their home. It takes great courage, patience and a strong heart to care for these people. The hospice here was so amazing. They treated us all with great kindness and the patient with dignity. I commend you as the caregiver and friend. I know myself, well my heart would become attached without a doubt. It has to be hard, knowing their families and countless hours converting with the sick. This woman had wonderful care it seems.

*Type* Structure *Type*


On no uncertain terms did this story not hold conflict. A wonderful background of a woman who holds a dear place in your heart. You told this story as it happened which followed the conventions of a short story. I read it easily with no hesitations. I felt the emotions as you showed them so well. Naturally the resolve was not pleasant, but you wrote it in a way that it was peaceful and that matters.

*Writing* Over All Thoughts *Writing*


You shared a personal experience and yet it held a great quality of a story. Nothing is more painful than watching someone suffer in such agony. I am glad you made friends with her and if it shocked you, then it was meant to be.
I really enjoyed the last sentence as you describe Pam as a perfect chantilly snowflake.

Keep Writing
~LL~

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Review of Second Chances  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Greetings 💙 Carly ~LifeLessons~ here to review this short story "Second Changes"


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*Bird* First Impressions *Bird*


Oh how I love it when they need to apologize! Sometimes they do the silliest things and some guys and girls don't acknowledge when they are wrong. So it is sweet to read how this guy really felt badly about what he did. I enjoyed how he thought it through and had the nerve to go in front of all of these people to make his point.

That peer pressure thing can get us all into trouble. We have all been there I know that. Silly to think as we get older and realize that we can think for ourselves. Especially where the heart is concerned.

*Type* Structure *Type*


Your exposition was great as you took me into the background of the character at hand. His conflict was apparent as he thought through how to come out of it. The resolve was excellent and I was relieved to know that she took him back. Other wise it could have been really embarrassing.
This story was easy to read and believable characters. I saw no errors with grammar or punctuation. nicely written.
Spacing was great and it held a nice flow as you wrote using many conventions of a good story..

Thanks for sharing
~LL~




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Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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Greetings Survivor48 ~Lifelessons~ here to review this prose "A Life Taken From us" which i found in the read and review list.

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I cannot imagine the loss of someone this way. Not only did you lose him once but twice. Once to the drug and second to succumb his death. I am a mother and I know the worry. My son is very ill, not to drugs but to illness in another sort. The illness alone puts you into grieving for the son you had before this happened. It is a process that nobody could imagine unless they go through it. It took great strength for you to write this and I felt the emotions as I read. I teared up actually. We just don't know what life has in store for us and what we have to endure. I hope you are fairing well and blessings to your family.

*Type* Structure *Type*


A prose written in the English language without any form but in sentences. You followed this well. I almost considered it a vignette but saw the difference between the two.
Well written with many conventions of emotion. There is nothing I would change, these are true events of a horrible tragic event. Nobody can tell you how to write that.

Thank you for sharing
~LL~
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Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
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Greetings A.F. Ashes ~LifeLessons~ here to review this short story "Fate or Control" which I found in the read a newbie listing.

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*Bird* First Impressions *Bird*


I imagine this character Jarrod hate a lot on his mind. Becoming a father, having a girlfriend to protect and provide for his new family. Being distracted he runs into a deer and winds up into the water. He still sees these eyes that were staring at him from the beginning of the story. He realizes when he makes it to shore that his future lies in his hands and it is up to him to take control.

I see this as a life of lessons to be learned.

*Type* Suggestions *Type*


As I read this story I became familiar with Jarrod right away. He is a strong character. I enjoyed the exposition as you give me a fair background and base this story on conflict right from the start. However there are a few things you can do to polish this story. Watch your grammar and pay attention to punctuation. I noticed your apostrophe are not set properly. Maybe your computer is set on french?

The whole story is based on a set of eyes that keep staring at Jarrod and we never find out why. Was it something in the back of his mind? Were they real? Many uncertainties about the story that don't really follow the conventions of a short story. I think if you revise it some what you will also see how things could be changed. I hope to read it again if you chose to revise it somewhat.

This story has great bones for a great short story so give it the attention it deserves.
Thanks for sharing
Keep Writing
~LL~
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Review of Just a Moment  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Greetings Emily Haller ~Lifelessons~ here to review this short story "Just a Moment" which I found in the read a newbie listing.

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*Bird* First Impressions *Bird*


What a wonderful moment this is. I could see each second that was happening between the narrator and his love. Romance is like that. It can absorb every bead of sweat, every flutter of an eye, and when you are that involved; in a heated moment it sticks with you. I think that you wrote this very well and you allowed the reader to hold a visual as you describe this moment between the two characters.

*Type* Structure *Type*


Now I am not sure if you meant this to be a short story, but if I were you I would place it as a vignette. This is a wonderful brief but powerful moment and that is just what a vignette is. It leaves the reader to want to read more but it ends because a vignette is short but powerful.

*Writing* Over All Thoughts *Writing*


I see no errors, but then I wasn't looking because this scene was written to well. I hope you take the advice to tag this as a vignette, it deserves the title.

Thank you for sharing
~LL~
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Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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Greetings Simple Dykie ~LifeLessons~ here to review this short story "Just a Walk in the Dark" which I found in read and review.

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I have to say that I can't walk my dog at night and she feels the same way. Even after nine at night i let her out for a pee and she stays close to the porch dashing back in mid stream I believe.*Laugh*
The night streets just scream scary to me. It's the not knowing what "could" be out there and the shadows that lurk in the bushes from the night posts, well I just can't even imagine it.

*Type* Structure *Type*


Great exposition! It caught my attention right away and it was nice to find an uplifting story today! A good laugh with a great story told, well it goes without saying it's a good thing.
You held a wonderful stream of sentences holding conventions that make a great story. I enjoyed the jokes about your mother in laws casserole! *Laugh*

I found no errors in this piece and it shows you thought it through as your descriptive words gave me quite a visual of your nightly walk. A very pleasant read.

The resolve in this piece gave me a chuckle and yes if my dog did the same I would be running for sure. Last year where I live, we had five bears that took over our town for a month. In the middle of the day they would lounge in the yard. So I have a little phobia right now as those bears are out and about once again.

*Writing* Over All Thoughts *Writing*


Well done! A reminder as to I won't go out after dark. Believe me I would not be the one to call out to anyone or anything. Thanks again for the great read that gave me a chuckle. Excellent humor! *Dog1*
It's a dog's world!

Keep Writing
~LL~
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Review of Born Coward  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
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Greetings Zack Leigh ~Lifelessons~ here to review this story "Born Coward" which I found in the prose listing.

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*Bird* First Impressions *Bird*


As i read this prose, I was uncertain as to what the narrator was really saying. A bit confusing due to the repetitive language. There was nothing I really felt about it due to the confusion. Cowards are not born cowards, they are beaten down and some cowards or they are the very ones who do the beating. This seeming more of a personal view than anything, I had to disagree somewhat.

*Type* Structure *Type*


As far as structure goes the writer begins right off the bat explaining a coward. However the conflict written of how a coward has to survive makes me doubt as a reader if he is coward at all. I would have to say survivor. Life teaches us many things and if one is raised under the hand of an abuser, the abuser is the coward. There are strengths a weaknesses to this piece and I hear a great sound of opinion here. I would say this is more of a vignette than a prose. The difference being that a vignette is written on a personal point of view, or a thought driven by one's particular emotion. A prose is written in a story telling conventions that holds structure from beginning to end.


*Writing* Over All Thoughts *Writing*


I understand you views of this topic are strong, but I think it would be wise to revise this piece and place it where it belongs. Or write a prose piece that tells a story of a coward and convey your thoughts in this manner. I always am intrigued by other's emotions and this was a view of another which I am glad I found.

Thanks for sharing
Keep Writing
~LL~
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Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Greetings m.n.i.w ~LifeLessons~ here to review this poetic prose as I came across it in random reviews.

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*Bird* First Impressions *Bird*


So much emotion in this piece. I am not sure what the contest is for, but this is a wonderful poetic prose. You have covered so many conventions of poetry and wrapped it up into a story told of a broken heart. Oh that broken heart, it is something we all endure. Man or woman we have all been there. You speak of a man who gave his heart to a woman who did not give hers in return. This poor soul will love again but never quite as much as that first love. The hurt is so deep he must apologize to any woman he may hurt in the future. Too afraid to drop the wall that allows anyone in so deeply every again.

*FairyR* Conventions *FairyR*


As a story goes you have given the reader a clear vision of the turmoil that has struck one's heart. Asking for forgiveness to those that may enter his path of love in the future. someone who knows he will hurt another even if he doesn't want to.

Within this story lies poetic conventions. If you are familiar with them you will know them. I see in line rhyme, simile, assonance, soft sounds, hyperbole, alliteration, character and conflict. These are not all of them but just to show you how powerful a simple thought can come across on a page with such passion.

*Writing* Over All Thoughts *Writing*


As I said before this is a poetic prose. My suggestion would be to write it in paragraph form and it will still come across as such. There is no need to write it as free form poem, only because it shortens the value of each sentence. Powerful enough to be read as a letter.

Thanks for sharing
Keep Writing
~LL~
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Review of Stay  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
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Greetings Aelyah ~LifeLessons~ here to review this short story "Stay" which I found in the plug page.

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*Bird*
First Impression
*Bird*


Well I want to be as honest as possible when I say I was lost from the beginning. There are too many empty spaces where I couldn't put together the story as a whole.

*Type* Structure *Type*


These are suggestions that I hope you can use if you decide to revise this story. There are conventions that are paramount to story telling. One is the exposition which where the writer has the opportunity to give us a background of the characters, setting, emotions, conflict. All of these are missing. I wasn't sure who the characters were and what was the relationship between the two people. The house was paramount to the story yet I read nothing about it really. Descriptive writing could be a huge asset to this story allowing the reader to see this house as it empties out.
This couple seemed that they work together, or she was a student? In the end they end up together but how did they get there. Where was the relationship in the beginning.

*Writing* Over All Thoughts *Writing*


The makings of a great story include many conventions such a believable character, details and descriptive writing. Showing the reader, not telling, thickening plot, and so on. I suggest that you read this as a writer and revise your story. Create your character with looks, actions and dialogue. Make your exposition interesting enough to grab the attention of the reader.

I hope I read this again if you chose to take the time to revise it.

Thanks for sharing
~LL~

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