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Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings shaara my name is ~Lifelessons~ and I am reviewing this story "The Irish Computer" for St. Patties Power Reviewing!!


*MugG* First Impressions *MugG*


What a wonderful story and clever at that! You mixed a short story with two lymericks to boot! I loved the humor and the visual you gave me of this poor woman balling her face off. *Laugh*
The story line was smooth and lead to a great ending mixed with a little romance. nicely done!

I have no suggestions to improve this story. I enjoyed the read!
Thank you for taking me into the life of a computer learning and with a humor and the story of two opposites who attract each other.

Keep Writing

~LL~
{e






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327
327
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings Cubby&Hubby~WeddingAnniversary my name is ~Lifelessons~ and I am reviewing this poem for St. Patties Power Reviewers!


I can't tell you how much I laughed when I read this poem. I used to work in a bar years back and we would serve green pints. Oh yes it was fun fun fun! How many had to stagger to the potty! *Laugh*

Great rhyme scheme and meter throughout this whole poem. I thought I was singing as I read it. Perfect! A keeper.

I do have a favorite!

The potty looked old
But I filled it with gold…
There’s nothing like spreading the cheer!

*Gold* *Gold* *Gold*


Thanks for the chuckle! maybe I will head out later on for a pint!

~LL~
*Shamrock*







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Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Greetings ♥Hooves♥ my name is ~Lifelessons~ and I am reviewing this wonder poem for the St. Patties Power Reviews!!
*Shamrock* *Shamrock* *Shamrock*


This is not only a poem but an experience and I can only say that i am jealous~~ *Envy* I have never been but always loved the idea of visiting there one day.

Not only did you write a great poem but you held so many conventions throughout that really brought it to life. I loved the use of the words Inis ( I had no idea what it was)or Smithwicks so thank you for sharing those meanings at the bottom of the page.

Alliteration

We walked the streets of Westport,

Assonance

Seeking the ever elusive “Crib”

I see many conventions and the use of soft sounds leaving a pace of linger. I felt like I was walking with you!



Thank you so much for taking me on a trip that one day I may experience myself. Hopefully down the same road.

Keep Writing!

~LL~
*Gold*





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Review of The Calling  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Greetings iguanamountain ~LifeLessons~ here to review your story "The Calling"

I would like you to know that I am no way a professional but a writer myself and love to read other's work. What I have learned from writing I use only to give advice.


*Bird* First Impressions *Bird*


wow this is quite a story! Told with great detail and I can tell the work that went into it. I did wonder about Samuel and his reasons for wanting to be down in this pit. He felt he had a purpose and was being drawn to it. Like Noah! Heartbreaking for his parents and siblings to just be okay with him living in a dirty underground world of his own. However things transpire over time, bringing things to light in the end.
A surprise for the reader.


*Books1* Structure *Books1*


You held a great smooth read, from the beginning. It held a conflict right off the bat. The rising action leading to the house to cave in. Falling action of the the Father becoming the judge and need to meet with the monk. Wrapping up the story with resolve when the monk indeed is Samuel himself.

*Type* Suggestions *Type*


My only suggestion is the very beginning. The mother being at the stove. I thought maybe you could start with a hook. Maybe have Samuel's father finding him digging in this place. The action right away. I find much of the dialogue in the beginning could be taken out and replaced with how Samuel was thinking. The emotions he felt about his calling. Wrapping the reader around the main character. He is a strong character and one of the main. So I would spend some time on him.
Punctuation was okay but you might want to take a second look at the comma. I see it was used quite often and in places there was no need for.

*Quill* Over All Thoughts *Quill*


This a great story with the bones of controversy. Compelling with great structure. It held my attention as you held an imagination through out the whole story. I hope you take my suggestions as just that and I do hope you found them helpful.

Thank you for sharing!
Keep Writing!

~LL~







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Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Greetings timaashorty My name is ~LifeLessons~ and I was going through the newly written items from newbies. This is where I found this story called "Come Dance With Me"

On no uncertain terms am I a professional. I am a reader as I review giving suggestions from anything I have learned along the way myself. Writing is a passion and hold devices we can all share over time. So let's see what your muse offered you in this piece.

*Bird* First Impressions *Bird*

Well first of all, I would not have said no either. This man seems like a dream, full of excitement and mystery. He sounds handsome and debonair. Who wouldn't dance with that!*Wink*
You tell a story of passion, insanity and mystery. I love the details that you give while they were dancing. You really took a hold of what the story was about. Descriptive, leaving me want to read on. sometimes the stories we don't plan on are the best!

*Vine2* Character *Vine1*


You have two major characters in this story and they hold a great passion throughout. My concern was while reading it was simply that there were no names. I wonder if you could incorporate her name and looks. Maybe have the mystery man whisper her name on the dance floor and comment on her beauty? Just a suggestion, but it would give the reader a full impression on both characters.

*Type* Structure *Type*


When writing a short story we follow a pattern.
The beginning allowing us to provide characters, setting, situation, and such. This being called "exposition". This gives the writer a wide range on how he or she will start their story off. The hook as they say. You want your reader to be engaged right away.

From there we have rising action. This where there is an increasingly rising conflict which leads us to the climax. A falling action leads the reader to the tension of the story coming to an ease of conflict. Thus we then fall into the resolve, or the ending.

You have used mostly all frequencies of structure quite well. My only suggestion would be as I mentioned before. Developing your characters is paramount for any great story.

My second suggestion would be to change the beginning a little. Turn it into a hook. Where was this place, what were their names. Did he introduce himself.
A few questions you might want to take a look at.

*Vignette2* Over All Thoughts *Vignette2*


I really really enjoyed this story. I believe it has the bones of an amazing longer story. I am sure if you revise it somewhat and mold it into a great story told, you would surprise yourself on just how great it is!!

I hope my suggestions are helpful to you. If you do revise it I would love to take another look.

Keep Writing!!

~LL~
*Bird*


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Review of I Am Free  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Greetings JenP my name is ~LifeLessons~ and I came across this poem called "I Am Free" and I would like to give you a review. I no way am I a professional but have been writing poetry for some time and have learned a few things. So let's see what your muse inspired you to write. *FairyL*



*Bird* First Impressions *Bird*


This is definitely dark, and tragic! The life of the streets never makes one life smart, but it slowly takes away who you really are. Sad to think that this person wants no pity or believes his demons are that dark that he can't overcome them. The last line speaks truth. We are free to live and free to die. For myself I would want to leave behind a legacy, even if it meant trying so hard to overcome hurdles in life that nobody could understand. This is a topic that would certainly hit home for many others.

*Type* Convention *Type*


You have written a free verse poem and really free verse is just that. There is no form to follow or any set rules per say. However in every poem there are conventions that need to be followed in order to get your work conveyed how you want it to. I would like to point out some conventions that I see you have already used.

Assonance

The trigger finger is my own

This is a convention that we find we use a lot in our poems and don't even realize it. You used close repetition of similar vowel sounds in this sentence and without knowing, you have given it a smooth read.

Hyperbole

But your not in my shoes feeling my pain

This is a great example of hyperbole. nobody can really be in your shoes or feel your pain. It is an exaggeration - and over statement and it brings what we want to say to life. This is one of my favorite conventions in poetry.

There are many conventions you can still work with that will make this poem really portray the hurt, anguish and emotions.

*PenBl* Punctuation *PenBl*


Okay so punctuation is essential in writing a story, letter or anything we write. It is just as important in our poetry. I would like to give you an example of how I would use it in this poem.

Dark clouds following wherever I go
I can't unrun them nor outsmart their evil plans
They never go away, a part of me
Wearing me down with their lightning


Maybe?

Dark clouds following wherever I go;
I can't out run them nor outsmart their evil plan.
They never go away-a part of me-
wearing me down with their lightning.

So as you can see I have ended sentences as you should when writing a sentence. In the third line however I felt the need for a caesura. This is a strong pause within a line or verse. It allows your reader to feel the emotion from the writer. Punctuation in poetry is something that is practiced and the more you use it the more you become aware of what to use where.

*Vignette2* Favorite Line *Vignette2*



Don't tell me I'm giving up to easy
I've fought a good battle, built a legacy
Every great fighter knows there comes a time
To hang up your gloves, walk away


This verse allows me to feel how worn out this person is. The depths of despair that has driven him to make a decision that only he can live with.

*Quill* Over All Thoughts *Quill*


I enjoyed taking a peak into your port today. I am glad to have read this piece. I think if you revised it a little using some conventions and punctuation, you will see it taking on a brand new life.

Thank you for sharing and keep on writing!!{/
~LL~
*Bird*

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Review of The Pirate  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Greetings 🌕 HuntersMoon yes it is me again! ~LifeLessons~ here to review this story "The Pirate"

*Bookstack* First Impression *Bookstack*


Loved it! Every bit of it came to life for me. Making perfect sense as to why this character was in such a pit. It's funny that life can bring to far down that you don't see yourself ever regaining strength to move on. Time stands still for those in such darkness. As you write further there is one pivotal point that sheds light on this poor man without any hope. Everyone has a that point that could turn it around on either end of the stick I would say.

*Type* Structure *Type*


A remarkable job with this! You introduce a character in a scene of his home and holding a conflict the minute his eyes open. You brought the reader to a rising plot and even it out with grace. The conflict is rendered into a falling conclusion with a great resolve.

*Palette* Imagery *Palette*

I know we use imagery in poetry but it is just as important in our stories. You gave me a great visual of this man in his grief. His apartment, his wounds, the sun shining in the window. Very well done and it is one of those conventions I tend to look for.

*Person* Character *Person*

Thomas is a man who suffers from depression due to his time served and is left with the burdens of a lost limb and eye sight. He is lost in time, every day being the same and holding on to so much anger. There is no light in the day for him, not as beautiful as the scene set in the beginning. He can't escape his fate, until he meets the young boy on the steps. Now Thomas can feel like it could have been worse and there are things to live for. He can be happy again. Lovely to read!


*Pencil* Over All Thoughts *Pencil*



You did a great job with this one. A lesson to be learnt and some in sight on how life can turn around. That is quite the character!! I see no mistakes with grammar or punctuation, of course not! *Laugh*
Thank you so much for sharing this wonderful story!
I am glad I took yet another look into your port! An inspiration!

~LL~
*Bird*

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Review of Blue Ribbon  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings fyn my name is ~LifeLessons~ and I am here to review you story "Blue Ribbon"


*BookStack2* First Impression *BookStack2*

Poor Annabelle! She is about to bequeath her brother's will. It was nice to see a refreshing young girl in those times going against what is expected of her. She did however get her wish and met someone that has stricken her heart with some sort of desire. That was the way wasn't it and it still is in so many countries to this day.


*Type* Structure *Type*


You used structure very well as far as setting the scene. Great description of character. You start the story with conflict which is important in any short story. Bringing it to the height of the plot and resolving the conflict to the end.

*Person* Characters *Person*


Annabelle

This is a young girl whose father passed only months ago leaving her in the care of her brother. She has her own ideas of falling in love and is in constant battle wither brother when it comes to his ideas of marrying her off to men of his liking. Annabelle seems like she would have run away if this one man didn't come into her life. She is strong willed with a free heart.

Reggie

Reggie or Reginald as he liked to be called, is a man who has inherited his father's inheritance and is calling the shots. He has anger issues and likes to be known as the boss. He relays to his sister that she merely Lady Henwick his little sister and nothing more. A little errogant isn't he.

Garret MacElroy

A man of honor it would seem. He sees something in Annabelle that her brother doesn't. He is impressed by this woman that sits and writes in her journal. Over a very short conversation he proposes and she excepts.

*Quill* Favorite Part *Quill*


Setting her bag down on one of the benches that circled the interior walls of the pretty white-washed gazebo, Belle took a gulping breath before dissolving into tears. She sobbed quietly. He knows I hate being yelled at. Derision, controlled anger, even his holier-than-thou attitude I cn handle, barely. But being yelled at just makes me want to fall apart. But then he knows that. He knows it has frightened me ever since we were kids and he'd yell then hit. He uses it to make me feel small, less than he is.

"Oh Daddy, why did you have to die and leave me alone with him? You always said he'd grow out of his temper, but he never has. He never will!"

Wiping her face on her sleeve, Annabelle took her journal from the bag and opened it, rereading what she'd written the night before.

July 17th, 1884. R's been having another of his snits tonight. Honestly, I do not know why he thought I'd like the latest of the gentlemen he keeps parading in front of me. Seymore Wythe is the most self-involved, selfish, vain-glorious man yet. The man looks like a dead fish, has goggle eyes to match, has sour breath and kept trying to grab me when R wasn't looking. How on earth could anyone fall in love with that? I want someone who will sweep me off my feet, not sweep me under a rug. Isn't there anyone out there like that? Am I so unloveable? I know I am not. He makes me so mad! I don't know what to do, but I will not marry some idiot just to make him happy. I want more than that. I deserve more than that. I want someone who looks at me and sees me, not just some pretty face.

I love this scene because she is allowing herself to write her emotions and talking to her father who is deceased. This allows me as the reader to sympathize with her even more than I already did in the beginning of the story. The idea of her misfortune comes to life in this scene.


*PenP* Suggestions *PenP*


I only have a couple of suggestions, taking into consideration that this was written with a strict word count. The part where she is proposed to is quite quick. I would try to reword it in a way that Reggie is faced by the two of them and his reaction.

Other than that a very well told story. Easy to read with great spacing. You used italics well when in thought. A few small typos but none that you wouldn't see if you took a second look.

Thanks for sharing this great story with me!

~LL~
*Bird*









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Review of The Sand Castle  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings 🌕 HuntersMoon ~Lifelessons~ here and I am dropping by to review this poem "The Sand Castle"

*Bird* First Impression *Bird*


Free Verse is becoming a new favorite of mine and you do it beautifully.
I can't wait for the days spent at the beach. There are so many favorites about this poem I don't know where to start.

*SeahorseV* Conventions *SeahorseV*


Well you are one of those poets that I don't have to point out the conventions of poetry. Your poems is full of them. You used in line rhyme, Assonance, Alliteration very well.

Assonance

a splash of sandy freckles

Alliteration
streaming seaweed standards


In line rhyme

The open ocean roars,

I do see so many more and I am sure you do too!*FacePalm* Of course you do, you wrote it!

*ScallopB* Favorite Lines*ScallopB*


I love the first stanza! Sandy freckles as I play! Excellent. This brings back to my own child hood and playing at the beach.

Salt and spray sail through the air, yet another great way of creating senses. The anticipation of the waves crashes down the works of art.
A warrior guise resting until he can challenge the water again to build yet another castle. Lovely!


*Dolphin* Punctuation *Dolphin*


You use punctuation very well all the way through allowing me to read this as though it were my own memory. Great pausing and commas giving a great flow.


*Bird* Over All Thoughts *Bird*


Thank you for allowing my imagination to go to the beach this morning. During this cold snap, this is the closest I will get to feeling warm today.
I loved the soft sounds through out it really gave it a relaxing feeling with a smooth read.
your poetry is always wonderful and I am so glad I am reviewing in your port. You will see more of me. Already have my eye on another story.

~LL~
*Bird*











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Review of Morena  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Greetings Rayyna My name is ~LifeLessons~ and I am here to review you story "The Life History Of Morena"

*Vignette5* *Vine1* First Impression *Vine1* *Vignette5*

Well first I have to say WOW! This is quite a deep story of a young child who grows up in a place of terror. I kind of reminded me of what is going on now in Syria. Scary stuff. You go into great detail about time and the changes from the people to the places. Relating religion and beliefs from one spectrum to another. It was quite a read, and i have to admit that normally this would not be a genre I would be interested in. However as I read the first few paragraphs it drew me in.
You set a great visual of Svetlana and the birth of Yekaterina as her parents struggle a harsh existence as peasants. Off to a great start!


*Type* Structure *Type*


So we know that in telling a great short story we follow the elements of structure. I would like to point out how you used these in your story.

exposition

Knowing this is the beginning which provides background on the character, the setting, the situation ect. You did this very well. You created a character right from birth. I enjoyed your descriptive setting as well, allowing me to visualize the families conflict right from the beginning.

rising action


Again I see your story taking off quite early in the story line. Telling us and showing us as readers how Yekaterina was left on her own to find her way. From harsh weather leaving her almost freeze to death and having to leave her brother behind. Taking her to a cabin where a woman "Mama Yelena" takes her in and tends to her ailments. Bringing her back to life so to speak from praying to Goddess Morena and Grandmother of winter. This prayer gets answered which brings Yekaterina to her fate.

Conflict


The narrator keeps conflict through out the story right from the beginning with the birth of Yekaterina to her finding Mama Yelena to becoming Merona and her struggle through great lengths of time solving Napolenic Wars that further influenced Russia with Western ideals.
Travelling the earth from France back to Russia over a time period.


Falling Action


Going into a much needed deep sleep and now in 1964 Khent ibn Kephra wakens Morena shortly after the assassination of JFK due to instablity in the city.
This leading to the resolve through out thrity years in time.

*Vignette5**Vine2* Characters*Vine1* *Vignette5*


So many characters in this tale and all important to get to the end. However I will only mention the obvious. Morena, a girl who seems driven and wise to her powers and what she must carry out.
Alexi being Morena's companion but not until half way into the story. He seems as though he has his own agenda.

*Audio* Suggestions *Audio*
As much as I really enjoyed this well structured story I do have some things I would like to point out as a reader. I am not a professional by any means but someone who reads quite a bit and enjoys to write as well. So take this as only my suggestions please!

*Bookstack* Your characters are strong but they are missing just that, character. There is not much dialogue and I felt like I was reading a book report. So much information but very little action or description of character.

*BookStack2* What did they look like?
How did they react to so many changes?

*Books6* I believe if you fill in the gaps and put life to the story you could have a great novella. You tell a great story, but now you need to show it.

*Quill* OverAll Thoughts *Quill*




Thank you for taking me on the journey with Merona. Her life story is a great legend to be told for a life time. I am glad I chose this story because it has shown me how to enjoy another genre. You explored your ideas with great intent. I see no grammar issue or punctuation. Keep Writing!!

~LL~
*Bird*

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Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with Muse Masters Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A Muse Masters Poetry Review
*Angel* Please remember that the following comments and observations are only my opinions. Take what you can use, but never be shy about discarding what you cannot. *Angel*


Greetings 💙 Carly

GENERAL:
*Angel*As I read this, I felt like a fly on the wall watching a library come to life. There is just something about shelves of books and how they speak to us. You conveyed this well and allowed my imagination to run over time. Nicely done. *Thumbsupr* I almost see this as being made into a children's poem with illustrations. That is how I read it.

CONVENTIONS:
*Angel*Personification
This is a convention that you use well through out this poem.

example:Chair sat erect behind the desk

Together they conspired to plan
To make the writer come
To place his hands upon the desk
And take up with the pen

You allow abstract objects come to life with animation.

Assonance


Paper lay beside him, feeling flat

Then spill his soul into his own

Enjambment



Books lined the shelves
Standing tall for all to see
Their spines straight and proud
But one thing spoke
In whispered chant
Read me.

This being a run on line of poetry when logical senses carries over from one line to the next.
I see this done through each stanza of this poem.

Hyperbole


Chair sat erect behind the desk

and

Books lined the shelves
Standing tall for all to see


They all call to him, their whispers urgent

As I mentioned before these are lines that give the poem that extra punch to bring life to the books and chair.
Also they really aren't going to call to him or hold an urgent whisper, which makes this line more compelling. Oh the conventions of poetry!! They get exciting!








SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
*Quill*Pen lay prone upon the desk
Paper lay beside him, feeling flat
They were ready, as ever, for any note
But longing filled their passion
And together they called
Write me.
*Angel* I feel as though this would come across with great convention if you used punctuation. I realize now all poetry needs it and it really is up to you as the poet. If I could show you how I want to read it.

Pen lay prone upon the desk;
paper lay beside him, feeling flat.
They were ready as ever, for any note,
but longing filled their passion
and together they called-
write me.

I feel by using the caesura in this stanza, it allows a strong pause giving more emotion as I read it.


FAVORITE LINE(S):
*Quill* Together they conspired to plan
To make the writer come
To place his hands upon the desk
And take up with the pen
To scribble words of soft fine merit
Across the waiting page
Then settle back into the chair.

*Angel* I love this stanza because it makes me want to sit and write. Every action of what we all do while we sit to write our muse upon the waiting page. Lovely!


*Angel*Thank you so much for allowing me to read this free style form poem. I love the way your poem comes to life from the shelf to the writer sitting at the desk. A bit of a story and one we can all relate to.

Regards,
~Lifelessons~

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Review of I Remember It  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Greetings Cecilia My name is ~LifeLessons~ and I am here to review you story "I Remember It"

*Bird* First Impressions *Bird*


You tell a story of a young girl that has to face a devastating experience. Anna not only has to deal with normal trials in life but then is faced with the death of her parents. Only to wind up living with family. I couldn't imagine having that grief at such a young age. *Glasses*
Anna holds in her emotions trying to be strong and afraid to break down completely, putting herself in a repetitious daily routine. So sad for anyone to have go through this.*Glasses*
You used a good sense of narrating in this piece and I found it easy to read. The structure is good, beginning plot and end.
A few things I would like to suggest to make your story come alive.


*Type* Suggestions *Type*


My biggest suggestion is to give your character life.

The boy with the sky finally told me his name one day, Jordan. I told him mine, Anna. I’m not sure why it took us an entire year of friendship before we finally told each other our names, thinking back on it now it seems kind of silly. But at the time telling our names was like ripping our souls bare and letting the other examine us with a magnifying glass. It was giving each other permission to actually call each other names, to finally proclaim we were friends, a last test you could say. I was ten and he was eleven.


I would like to use this paragraph as an example and show how i would change this. Jordan is introducing himself but because you narrate it without using the convention of character building and showing me that he is shy, awkward, misplaced. you need to "Show" your reader and not just tell.

Maybe:
The boy I have been watching with interest saunters my way leaving me nervous about confronting him finally. His hands in pockets and walking with a slow strut, he leaned against a tree and said, "Hey, my name is Jordan, what is yours?"
"My name is Anna." I couldn't look at him directly because I felt like this was breaking the rules of getting close to anyone. However it lifted my anxiety a bit to have finally met someone who feels my grief.

So this could be done in many ways but this is only one.

My last suggestion would be changing the title. I didn't grab my attention. It was only as I was reading that the story line held my attention.

maybe: "Meeting Jordan"



I understand what you ant your reader to feel and by revising this somewhat you can allow your reader to be a part of the story.
This has the great bones of a short story! You are on the right track.

Thank you for sharing!
Keep Writing!!

~LL~
*Bird*









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Review of Common Ground  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings to you GoldGirl55 my name is ~LifeLessons~ and I am dropping by your port to review your story of "Common Ground"

*Type*First Impressions *Type*


I love the idea of Common Ground, the title means two things to me. The place that she takes her walks and the very place they come to a decision on common ground. nicely done!

I enjoyed the way you mixed dialogue with narration. There was enough of both to give the reader the full picture. The descriptive words you chose to convey a visual of the park was great!

Rose seems a bit difficult! I get the impression she isn't too stable.
Greg seems to love her very much and tries to have patience. This relationship could go either way.

*BookStack2* Structure *BookStack2*


You used conflict well in this story and every story needs conflict of some sort to bring it to a plot. Although the plot in this story is not very clear and the end is unresolved. However it is a great example of usage of dialogue.

*PenBl* Suggestions *PenBl*


She went for walks in the Common often—too often, Greg thought. But he wasn’t allowed to say that out loud. She had never specifically told him not to, but he understood that her solitary walks around the park were sacred territory. He had tried, once, to ask her about them.


I would change this up a little. There really isn't a great hook and there is no introduction of "She". I would use her name "Rose", and take a spin on her thoughts right away. A little more descriptive of how she feels and not from just a narrator. I feel like the story is just being told and not putting me there, feeling her emotions.

Greg has a good job and he’ll get a better one when he’s out of school and he’ll take care of me. If he marries me.


Here you have a thought process and it isn't too clear, so I suggest using italics. This way we know Rose is having a thought.

I would go through your story a little and revise it somewhat. Not too much, it is a good story. Bring the end to a conclusion whether it is bad or good.

*Bird* Over All Thoughts *Bird*



We are all here to learn and I am no different. I know a good story when I read it and this is a good story. You have the bones of great structure and with a little revising it will be amazing. Never leave your work and say it isn't good. Always take the time to review it in the future and polish it up.

Thanks for sharing!
Keep Writing

~LL~
*Bird*
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Review of The Non-Believers  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Greetings Maru My name is ~Lifelessons~ and I was scrolling through the newbie list and came across your story "The Non-Believers"

*Bird* My First Impressions *Bird*


Interesting short story of a girl who ponders the thought of going out into a storm and is left with her mother's belief that something wonderful could happen at any given time. This is so true! One never knows what is in store for us on our daily journey.

I couldn't imagine coming across a person who may commit suicide right in front of me. The reaction could go so many ways.

*Bookopen* Structure *Bookopen*


You introduced a character wondering if there is school or no school due to the weather. This being your introduction and the beginning of a conflict. The conflict leads to your plot. You did this well with some issues, but you did it. The best thing about a short story is ending it with a resolve and your ending left the reader wondering. This works, but I still would have liked to know what happened to her school mate.
Your character building is vague, but we know that she is younger and in school. You tell a little of her nature as she talks to her mother which leads me to believe she is a bit of rebel. Correct me if I am wrong.

*PenBl* Things to Improve On *PenBl*


I noticed quite a bit of grammar mistakes and some spelling. I want to give you some examples.

"What can something wonderful happen on a rainy day?" I muttered under my breath. But it's better than just stay here at home where it's boring. My brothers aren't here: Kakeru and Tsurugi. They've started working already, and the only brother that's left here is non-other than lazy-ass, Ryuhei.


I would reword this as:

"How can something wonderful happen on a rainy day?" I muttered under my breath, but seeing as I was so bored I decided to take the risk. My two brothers are working and the younger one; who is a lazy ass is the only one at home with us.

Suggestion: You could totally wipe out the whole thing about the brothers working. They have no real play in your story line.

I feel stupid because I know myself there isn't because of how strong the raindrops are, but because of what mother had said, it made curious. What if she was right?


Now this is a bit of a run on sentence.
Maybe?

I know myself that there would not be school today, but could mother be right? Could something good come of this dreary day?

I was starting to believe Ryuhei's right; that there might be a storm in our area. But there was something dragging my urge to go out.


In saying Ryuhei's right.
I have to correct you here. It isn't his right but Ryuhei was right.


*Type* Suggestions*Type*

I would suggest that you pay more attention to proofing your work before putting it out there. I do understand the excitement of wanting others to read it, but you want them to read it and understand your story as it should be told. Proof reading is very important when writing. Time spent wisely improves your skill.


*Quill* Over All Thoughts *Quill*



You have the foundations of what makes a story. Now you need to polish the conventions of it. If you take the time to revise this story I would be so glad to read again. This will only make your writing shine and with a little effort, a great story!

Keep Writing
~LL~
*Bird*
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Review of Rough Justice  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Greetings Dawn Embers ~Lifelessons~ here to review your story "Rough Justice"

First Impressions


we see so much of this on TV don't we. The wrongly accused or the guy in the wrong place at the wrong time. Guilty by association. I always told my son when he was younger. No matter what you don't do, if you are with the guilty, you are guilty.

To have authority hound this guy with questions, making him nervous to the point of his attention wandering is a little bit of pressure.*Type*

What I liked


You wrote a short story here and you were able to bring us to the main event back to the present. Nicely done!
You have made your character, Mr. Brooks into someone facing a conflict with the law. This was very apparent and I am sure your intentions as well.
This leading into a crisis, of his own freedom.
You used a great value of descriptive sentences conveying how you want your reader to feel.
You start your story with exposition allowing your reading to know the character and give us an idea of his situation right away.
This is what brought me to read on! *Thumbsupr*

Suggestions


A couple of things that I would change and these are only my suggestions.

I would give more emphasis on how Mr. Brooks is feeling. Never forget to use the senses as you did in the beginning. The smell of the air and the body beside him. This was good. However, if someone is being interrogated, I would imagine he would be sweating, nervousness with his hands. Allow the reader to feel his desperation. *Type*

The last thing I would suggest, would to have a resolution in the end. Leaving your story in a thought doesn't seem finished. Or turn it into a longer story with more depth.*Type*

Over All Thoughts



I enjoyed this short story and loved the idea of conflict and crisis. I read smoothly with no grammar errors, or none that I noticed. I hope you take a second look at the story and revise it a little only to make it that more intriguing. *Type*
Thank you for sharing

~LL~
*Bird*











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Review of The Light  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Welcome to the site S Ferguson~ Prepping for Prep I hope you are enjoying the inspirations and activities here! So many things to do, but let's get down to business shall we? My name is ~Lifelessons~ I am here to review this short piece called "The Light"

*Bird* First Impression *Bird*


As I read this I couldn't help to think back to a sort of same experience. Mine was flying. I was soaring through the skies like an out of body experience. They say those dreams are more than a dream. It seems to me you have a flare for connecting to the other side. Some would say it is scary but I never found it to be. *Angel*

An experience that leaves you wondering about how close we really are to the other side and do we chose to just shut it out. Those things do tend to stay with you. It's not a bad thing.

*MugV* Favorite parts *MugV*


I look up and feel a warmth fill my body. I smiled and watched the fog take shape into large clouds. I stood motionless as angels appeared on either side as a light got bigger and bigger. I knew what was going on. I was dying. I wasn't worried though, I was at a peace that you can't experience in life. *Angel*

Of course this is my favorite part because it is the purpose of this piece. Imagining the clouds and lights as angels stand on either side of you. A wonderful thought!*Angel*

*Quill* Over All Thoughts *Quill*


I really enjoyed reading this and it took me back to my own experience. Thank you for sharing. I didn't see any major mistakes. I would suggest maybe focusing on the event itself and turning it into a question of belief. Turn it into a prose so to speak. Enhancing your choice of words could make this piece shine brighter than it already does.*Angel*

Thank you for sharing
keep writing!

~LL~
*Bird*


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Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Greetings Obligatory Joke and welcome to this wonderful inspiring site! ~LifeLessons~ here and I stopped by to read this story"Til Death Do Us Part"

*Bird* First Impression *Bird*


So reading this story, I imagine a man trying to come to terms with his wife's death due to cancer. Very sad and yet with two children to contend with as well.
I can't lie and say it read smoothly. I did read it twice to grasp the story. I totally understand what you were trying say and you wrote a few examples of great visual. I think you became caught up with getting the story out there.

*BookStack2*


What I gather at the end was he didn't kill himself but had an encounter with his dead wife? Please correct me if I am wrong here. I was left with, "What just happened here?"

I enjoyed the main character and how you write of his complications to cope and I could never imagine how bad that would be.


*Bookopen*


My suggestion to you would be only this. Due to the fact that you wrote this as a horror\scary, I think you should concentrate on that visual more than the tragedy itself. Maybe go right into his fear, or right into him holding the gun in his mouth and write his thoughts.

Clarify more on the horror of the story instead of too much dialogue leading up to it. Your reader is waiting for horror and you want your reader to feel afraid. I wasn't afraid, maybe a little suspense towards the end but that was all.

You have a great character here with an awesome story line that you can turn into a thriller. I do hope you take another look at it and see where I am coming from as the reader. This is another tool to do while revising a story. Read it as a read not the writer.

Thank you so much for sharing this story.I do hope you take the time to rethink it and put it back out there.

Keep Writing !

~LL~
*Bird*











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Review of Sisters  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings and Welcome to this wonderful site!! A place to nurture your muse! My name is ~Lifelessons~ and I had to stop by and read this story called "Sisters"

I must say martintaylor I was not expecting this wonderful story to come to such life.

*Type* First Impression *Type*


As soon as I read the first paragraph I saw a talent. You tell a story of a man who is under great despair. A broken heart due to loss of his family. Stephen finds himself wondering into an unknown path that leads him to a cavern of questionable doubt.

You held my interest all the way through the story and with such detail of descriptive words. I felt as though I was walking with him and actually wanted a cup of tea to warm up.*MugV*

I love the visual you place in this story and how you took me from one place to another without hesitation. Nicely done! *Thumbsupr*


*Quill* Favorite Part *Quill*



The man, realising he was not alone, stopped walking and turned around only to see that behind him stood a woman holding a glass of wine, with a smile that reached to her eyes. Her hair was of a deep black, reaching beyond her lower back, and seeming to cast a shadow over the dark night itself. Her eyes were golden pools of the purest mead. A stare long enough, and you could lose yourself inside them, drunk with their beauty. She stood motionless, as snow fell around them. Then without any warning, she turned facing the trees. Making her long dark red cloak wave softly as she moved. Slowly she walked. Her naked feet leaving footprints on the snow. Before disappearing behind a tree, she turned her head and gave him a shy smile. The next instant she was gone, and Stephen dropped his glass, spilling the last of the red wine, staining the snow red. He just stood there with nothing on his mind but the image of her face slowly fading into memory.


I have to say that this would be on of my favorite paragraphs. I think because it holds a poetic value. Your description of this woman in red stood out to me like a prose of poetry. Very nice!


*Thought2* Suggestions *Thought2*


I would make your print a little larger, making it easier to read. Maybe go through it for typos. I don't see any large errors only a few that I am sure you will catch if you read it again.

I do hope you carry on with the story, I believe it has the making of a novella or novel. Something to think about.

Thank you so much for sharing this piece. Glad to see such quality on the site and I do hope to read more of what you have in store.

~LL~
*Bird*






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Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Greetings and Welcome To This amazing Site Lynnea Martino My name is ~Lifelessons~ and I am reviewing this piece you have written called "There Is No Good In Goodbye"


*Vine1* First Impression *Vine2*


Well you weren't wrong in saying this was a dark poem! Very meaningful words that I am sure many can relate to. It seems as though love overtook this person's choice of fleeing. Sad that this happens to so many. For the great good? or does the writer feel it's worth of wrath and hardship?


*FairyR* Conventions *FairyL*


I am not sure how long you have been writing poetry but I see a true talent here! Well Done! You brought to a place of despair and that was your intention. A cry for a loved one to come to their senses.

In saying this every poet has their own niche to their writes, but there are always some rules to using convention in our works. We usually use them and unaware of it, until you become familiar with their usage.

If I may I would like to show you a couple that you might not be aware of.


Where were you when I had to flee?

In this line you use a convention called Alliterationthis being a repetition of consonant sounds at the beginning of words.

I prayed that I would find my path

In this one i find the use of Assonance
 using similar vowel sounds in a sentence or line of poetry.

There are so many more and i could go on, but as you write more you will see it come together. This is a great site for learning and polishing work that you already love, but you can always enhance poetry with practice and skill.

*Bird*
Suggestions
*Bird*


Remember this is only my suggestions as a reader, this is your work and you have no obligation to change a thing.

In this world of broken dreams, in this world of predestined death
All you ever cared about was your stupid meth

I chose these two lines to show you that sometimes your poetry should hold a constant repetition of sound. The first sentence seems long and breaks the flow of the poem. You can shorten it and i will give an example;
In this world of broken dreams 'n predestined death
You only care about your stupid meth

Also word choice can change your poetry as well. Using thesaurus is a wonderful tool that can allow you to say what you want and give a more meaningful use.

example: You only care about your stupid meth
you only care about your witless meth


*BookStack2* Over All Thoughts *BookStack2*


I believe with some polishing this poem can shine a little brighter with usage of rhythm and form. You did do a great job with bringing the emotions to life. Thank you for sharing and I hope to see more!

~LL~
*Bird*

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Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Greetings and Welcome to the Site James Donald Falato A place you will be inspired to write and learn new things all the time.


*Bookstack* First Impression *Bookstack*

I read of two characters that plan to steal from a bank with an idea that can't fail. One is however nervous and second thoughts make the other entice him to feeling better.

I see you have written this for a contest and I am unsure if there was a word count you needed to stick to.

*Note* Punctuation *Note*


Don’t worry, Wil, everything will be all right. Trust me.”


So you can write this a couple of ways.

Don't worry Will, everything will be all right, just trust me."
I don't think you need to end the sentence after right.

*PenBl* Spacing*PenBl*


This is very important when you submit a story of any kind. I found it jumbled and not clear. You need to space between dialogue and paragraphs. The reader needs to know the new beginning of a dialogue or thought.


*Quill* Over All Suggestions *Quill*


A couple of suggestions and please note that these are only suggestions. I am no means a professional only a reader.
You title suggests to me that these two characters are celebrating success, but in the story they haven't succeeding anything yet. They have a plan that has not been played out.

I would myself revise the story with the anxiety once the deal was done and how the two felt, leading them to share a drink. This would still get your story across and probably with a little action. It will also grab your reader's attention right off the bat.

This is the makings of a great short story and I hope you give it the time it deserves allowing it to shine !
Thank you for sharing !
keep writing

~LL~
*Bird*





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Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
*Bird* Greetings Kate - Writing & Reading ~LifeLessons~ here to review you story "Greeting the Day ~Chance~or Destiny" *Bird*

*Vine2* Title *Vine1*


As I peaked in your port to decide on a story to read, I was caught by this title which grabbed me. I love any story that relates to Destiny, Fate or Chance. Of course a great title that suited this story very well.

*Type* Favorite Parts *Type*


This whole story really held my attention. You use such great imagery making me feel like I was watching George from a window as he remembers his past. Enjoying the use of some poetic from, you painted a picture of solitude in such an exquisite way.

The crystal vase casts rainbows across the table as the sun carves its path across the horizon. One ray draws from memory tinkling laughter at falling confetti now scattered through the mementos; another lights the feathery lock of their first-born’s baby hair. Still others evoke mirthful laughter over the seashell with a real pearl and a snicker at scratchy sand in beach shorts. George again hears the snap of the twig saved from their first Christmas tree, now encased with the eyes and pits of assorted seeds and nuts gathered during walks through the park. Lavender teases his nose as the sun crinkles finer the dried nosegay from her wedding corsage.

*FairyR* One ray draws from memory tinkling laughter at falling confetti now scattered through the mementos; *Heart* this!!! This is only one of my favorite parts, you hold so many others that grabbed my heart. I am a poet at heart and also love prose and this my dear is a very nice poetic prose. It holds many conventions as a poem that enhance your story on a much higher quality. Very Nice!*FairyL*

*Glasses* Characters *Glasses*


George


George being married to Caroline and raised children together have been faced by a situation nobody wants to ever experience. Losing his wife to cancer and seeing his children move forward in his life. He is lost, and still not ready to give up the familiar parts of his home or routines that connect him with his wife. A very sad rock to be under. He decides to make a decision to try and move back into society knowing if he didn't he would succumb to depression and not reach the light of day. Letting go is the hardest thing to do, but I don't think we ever let go, we learn to live and hold on the good memories.

Maura


Maura has gone through her own life battles. Another that can leave one broken. Although she seems to be accepting of her fate and becomes stronger. A year of a none existent relationship is very trying, sometimes bringing one to accept it or move on. I am very glad her husband chose to move on with his bottle. *Wink* She will be better off and I hope to read more about this new Destiny between the two.

*Bird*
Over All Thoughts
*Bird*


A very beautiful story of two people coming out of bad situations. It was very inspiring to read and gives hope to others that can relate to I am sure. I read your story with great ease and didn't encounter any delays, mistakes or punctuation issues. Great editing ! You chose words as I said before that bring your story to life and I love that!

I am very glad that I was able to read this story and I enjoyed it very much!

~LL~

















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Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Greetings to you 💙 Carly ~LifeLessons~ here to review your story "Looking For Adventure"
this being apart of your package you bid on and won!! *Delight*


*Type* My First Impressions *Type*


I love stories that take place in the "olden" days! They send my imagination wild! Things were so different back then. The expectations were not as they are today. Love was something based on attraction and what the other could provide. A woman held grace and honor when it came to her looks and presentation to the opposite sex. They took pleasure in looking like ladies and were treated as such. Pretty sure that went out the window in today's age! *RollEyes*
The courage you give your character is great and brings her to a new place without even planning it. It is there that she meets a new friend who introduces her to man that sets almost immediate attraction. One never knows how true fate can be until they fall upon it themselves. A great little romance here!*Vine1*

*Glasses* Characters *Glasses*




*FlowerV* Bella *FlowerV*


This is a girl who could make the mistake of her life if she listens to her father's will. Wanting her to marry Rutherford Harrison as an alliance to bond their partnership in business. A terrible fate for a girl who is eager to have adventure in her life. A loveless marriage was quite common in the day. Bella decides to leave her home without saying a word. She takes a train to escape to the unknown in the west. A very adventurous girl with courage to say the least. I don't think anyone would mess with her for too long.



*Sheriff* William *Sheriff*


William is a tall dark and handsome guy. He has traveled for some time on his own and one point almost settled down but had his heart broken. He rides without letting the ladies get to him. He keeps a shield around his heart, until he meets Bella. There is something about her that he can't refuse and begins to let his guard down. He settles in this town of Flagstaff as the sheriff. It seems he is willing to help Bella settle in the same town and tends to have more intentions than providing her a job. *Wink*



*Bookopen* Favorite Part *Bookopen*


When he rode in just before dinner, she had been out at the well drawing water. She paused to watch him and noted the grace he seemed to have on his horse. All raw and sinewy, both man and animal, as one; like they were born to it. She wished she could be as fine, but her horse skills were lacking and what she did have was the more refined English style. This western style intrigued her and she longed to try it.

He swung down from his horse and led him in to the stable to settle him in. Bella had gone back to her work, but it was not long before she felt his presence around her and looked up into smiling eyes.

“Need a hand with those.” He asked as he moved closer to take the buckets from her, not waiting for her to acquiesce.

She smiled her thanks and took her place beside him as he strode to the house. At first she had to scurry to keep up, but then he slowed and tipped her a grin complete with the dimples she was already dreaming of at night. How could a man be so beautiful?

At the house he had set the buckets down and opened the door for her before gathering them up again and following her into the house. He had been greeted with squeals of delight from his nephew who was eager to show him his new skills and proudly announcing that Miss Randall had taught him.

Shyly, Bella moved over to the kitchen to join Anna at the counter. She busied herself as Anna rushed to give William a kiss on the cheek. Even Sarah Jane smiled up at him from her spot on the floor.



I liked this part because it is the first time they actually are alone and I as the reader feel the tension between the two. You can tell Bella feels so much for him but she can't and won't show it. She is reserved but her mind wonders all by itself. This was well written and easy to understand the intentions between the two characters. Tensions are rising.

*Bird* Suggestions *Bird*


Two things stuck out here as I read this story. The pace was quick and vague until after the train scene. I was left with questions. Where did Bella hide out? How did her parents feel when they read the note? What was Bella really thinking about when this marriage was purposed? Maybe a little dialogue between the man she was supposed to marry and herself. This would have given me a clearer visual as to why she left. for point of interest to the reader as well. The little things sometimes make a big difference.

The one other issue I had was, the part I mentioned as my favorite part should have been written before the dinner. It seems like this idea came upon you later on telling the story and you fit it in. A bit of mixing in the tenses.
Other than that I loved the story and it made a great romance. Thank you for sharing this with me.

~LL~

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Review of What Love Is This  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with Muse Masters Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings 💙 Carly ~LifeLessons~ here to review your poem as part of you package you won!!! Nice!

*Type* First Impressions *Type*


This is a nice piece written in an English Sonnet form. You held your syllable count well while keeping to the rhythm.
A poem speaking of love surrendered by the narrator. A kind of love that has it's peaks and valleys but always overcomes. In the end their love carries on through this life and the next. I hope I captured what you were trying to convey here. However that is the magic of poetry to allow the reader to take something of writer's passion and relate it to their own. Nice!


*Writing* Conventions *Writing*


Knowing that conventions give our poetry depth, emotion and structure. I would like to point out some examples of convention used your poem.

Assonace
This is a convention that we all mostly use in our poetry and don't even realize it. I myself didn't even notice until I knew what it was. Now I tend to pay much more attention to because it does add a nice flow to any poem.

Sweeps the captive from her feet and binds her

As she grips fast her own captor and shows

Hyperbole

Using this convention helps us to embellish our poetry making it more beautiful and deepens emotions and I see a couple here in yours.

Their love does travel over hill and dale


Hearts beat as one, forever they do stay.


What love is this that blossoms red as rose

Three great examples of how we choose our words to portray something so emotional. I liked it!!

*Glasses* Punctuation *Glasses*


Now punctuation is a funny things because we use it correctly in our writing but poetry also needs the same attention. Some poems are okay without it all together but generally if you are going to use it, do it carefully. Punctuation is used to give your reader the feel of what you are trying to convey. It helps mold the emotion together with sighs, pauses and such.
As I read this poem I see you start each line with a capital and in some lines end in a period.
remember this is your poem and I am only suggesting here!!

What love is this that blossoms red as rose
Sweeps the captive from her feet and binds her
As she grips fast her own captor and shows
That now she gives her heart in surrender.

maybe??

What love is this that blossoms a red as rose-
sweeps the captive from her feet and binds her,
as she grips fast her own captor and shows
that now she gives her heart in surrender.


So if you go through this poem and re read it and take the pauses as you go along you will see the difference it makes on impact for the reader.

*Bird* Over All Thoughts *Bird*


I thoroughly enjoyed reading this piece. Sonnets are a tricky thing and I struggled for some time with them. It is the final details that make it work. Nicely done! I hope to see you soon!
~LL~




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Review of That Kiss  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Greetings 💙 Carly ~LifeLessons~ here to review your story "The Kiss" This being apart of your package you won! I am having fun reading your work, and I sense your own unique style through each one.


*BookStack3* First Impressions *BookStack3*


Oh I enjoyed this story very much! I loved how you brought two characters together that had a past. You gave me a great visual of her emotions and being gob smacked by the sight of this old flame. He handles himself quite well, and doesn't hesitate to remind her of their first kiss. This would be a great story to continue because the story just can't end there, although I am sure you were constricted to a word count. Now is the time to look it over again and turn it into a great story!!

Due to the length of the story I won't go into so much detail of the characters. Although I will mention that Dawson sounds pretty gorgeous. The college hottie! Nice!

*Bird* Favorite Part *Bird*


He dipped his head under her chin tipping her up to meet his gaze. He smiled tenderly. “I happened to like that kiss.”

Of course this is my favorite part! The kiss! You gave a great visual here and I felt the rush that your character must have felt as well.

*Books2* Suggestions *Books2*


My only suggestion here would be small details. I am not sure if your word count was restricted but it would be nice to know more about the main character "Cara"
was she blonde?
slender?
brother's little sister, was she a pest?
did she stand out over the other girls?
was she shy?

just a few things that you can deliver to the reader to pull it all together.


*Vine2* Over All Thoughts *Vine1*


I love romance and you really allowed me to feel this in this quaint little piece. You did a great job with punctuation and spacing. I read it with an easy flow. Your characters were simple and could relate to anyone reading i am sure. Thank you for sharing and I am glad I was able to read this story









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Review of Our Love  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with Muse Masters Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings 💙 Carly ~LifeLessons~ here to review this poem as part as your package from myself! I love this ! Okay lets do this shall we?

*Bird* First Impressions *Bird*


This is beautiful!! When two people can connect in a way that they feel as one is rare! Good for you! You speak of the now, the then and future of where your relationship starts and where it will go. The path ahead of you both as you walk through life sharing the joy of true love. What a special poem!!*SuitHeart*


*Thumbsupl* Conventions *Thumbsupr*


Assonance


Many instances in your poem hold this convention and I really liked how it flowed. I didn't realize how much assonance could be so powerful until I read it in someone else's work.
examples:

Our lives together, entwined in memories

A harmony that resonates in our hearts for all time.

You hold a lot of feminine sounds here that allow the poem to be read slowly and softly and I am sure this is exactly how you wanted it to come across to the reader. I can hear the passion in this piece.

Also with your punctuation I know where you take that deep breath and bring attention to your intentions.

example
We move forward – In love
Our dreams and hopes – Strong and true



*FairyR* Over All Thoughts *FairyL*


This a very personal and emotional piece. One that you wrote from the heart and this shows all the way through it. I enjoyed it very much, and it reminded me of my own wedding day. sshhh 26 years ago! *Wink*

Thank you so much for letting me read your work. I did enjoy it very much. You gave me great pleasure in getting to know your characters in your romance stories and your emotions through your poetry!! I hope to do it again soon!

~LL~
*Bird*










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