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Review of Overtime  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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Greetings fearlessnot ~Lifelessons~ here to review this story "Overtime" which I found in the short story listings.

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*Bird* My Thoughts *Bird*



Chilling! Goes to show we can't trust anyone. This is a very short story that held great value. The dialogue really helped convey the fear in this piece. I couldn't imagine being in that position and opening the door to only find out the police officer is the one who called her from the beginning. There is something creepy about being in a big building alone.

*Type* Structure *Type*


A great exposition explaining the scene, character and background. You lead me into a moment that becomes quite the conflict. In a short period of time you had me wanting to know what happened. The resolve not being a great end, but leaving me to want to read more. Maybe a second part? This seems to hold a bit of suspense right to the very end. You built two characters that were intense. I see this as becoming a longer short story if you chose to do so. If you can hook a reader that is the hardest part and you did this well.

*Writing* Over All Thoughts *Writing*


Once again I would love to see more to this story. I enjoyed the suspense and with the little you have given it held up to what you were trying to convey! nicely done!
A few more little details and you have wrapped up a wonderful story.

Thanks for writing!
Keep Writing!

~LL~
*Bird*
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Review of Ageless Memories  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Greetings Oldwarrior ~LifeLessons~ here to review this prose "Ageless Memories" which I found in the prose list.

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*Bird* My Thoughts *Bird*


This is a wonderful piece you have here as you tell us about your years spent hunting, teaching and taking parts in raids. Mothers and grandmothers cleaning after a long winter. Young fathers teaching their sons foot prints of prey to supply food for the tribe. Life goes by that fast that before you know it you are looking upon the next generation taking your place. Wonderful memories as you settle by the water soaking your feet that have ran, hunted, and taught the young. I would say you had a wonderful and freeing life. I hope when I am older my story plays out the same way in the end.

*Palette* Imagery *Palette*


You have painted a beautiful picture of this place that has given many great memories throughout your life. From the swaying grasses to bitter winters. Sandy shores that blow dying leaves are still connected to their job well done. Rippled waters reflect a face of a man who is content and while he looks back at himself he is left with peace that flows over him like a sweet breath. Very poetic and very beautiful. You have taken me on a walk with as you tell me of a life that you are proud of. I enjoyed this walk and hope I too have such a contentment in the end.

*Writing* Final Thoughts *Writing*


This was an easy read with so many soft sounds that made it so pleasant to read. Spacing was great and no hesitation anywhere. Grammar and punctuation were found to be without flaws. I am so happy that I have come across this piece. Again a beautiful read and something to leave behind as a great legacy.

Thank you sharing
Keep writing from the heart!

~LL~
*Bird*

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Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
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Greetings Fhionnuisce ~LifeLessons~ here to review this prose called "My Lady of the Mist" which I found in the prose list.

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*Bird* My Thoughts *Bird*


This is piece of great emotion of a man who is in love with a woman in his dreams. A poetic prose that reaches for a woman in the mist over the waters. She is a woman of beauty that he feels is impossible to have. Yet she reaches out to him and pulls him to dance with her among the glassy waters. A dream that ends well and one he probably didn't want to end.

*FairyR*
Conventions
*FairyL*


So we know prose is different than prose poetry or a vignette. A literary work which exhibits poetic quality using emotional effects and heightened imagery but are written in prose instead of verse. I see the poetic senses here and how the writer wanted to leave the reader is aw. I felt this more in the last two paragraphs than I did in the beginning. It read as though the writers emotions heightened and allowed his writing to be more freeing towards the end.
Punctuation was a little over done. You can tie your sentences together with word choices that enhance the sentence. A little cut and dry in the beginning. I didn't quite feel you drifting off into a dream.

*Writing* Over All Thoughts *Writing*


I really enjoyed this prose and I believe if you revise it a little bringing some poetic conventions that are purely choice of words that flow together creating a soft flow. I would love to read it again if you chose to take my suggestions and make some changes. This is totally up to you, this is your piece but I do hope you found my suggestions useful.

Keep Writing
~LL~
*Bird*

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Review of The Queen Is Dead  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Greetings Keaton Foster: Know My Hell! ~LifeLessons~ here to review this piece of prose "The Queen Is Dead" which I found in the prose list.

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*Bird* My Thoughts *Bird*


Isn't it amazing what one will do for the life of another. You took this soldier and brought him to life in a poetic way yet holding a great story. I am a great fan of prose and write them often. When you write poetry it just comes naturally to put into a story line. I enjoyed your words chosen to convey the empathy for the Queen while understanding her fate is without a doubt a trade for a darkened soul. His daughter given back to him for the Queens head.
A little gruesome and you did this well. Intertwining the English language with poetic value. You brought all senses to the table. The feelings of the man who had to go beyond his duty, the emotions of the Queen and description of the scene itself.
I have to wonder about this man. He seems so dark and holds no remorse for this act, but yet holds so much love for the ones in his life. I wonder what happens to him after his daughter is released. Will he pay for this sin?

*Palette* Imagery *Palette*


I had no problem holding a vision through this entire piece. This darkened soul that creeps out of the darkness knowing he is doing what he must do. A soul that has hardened from the choices in life.

You set the scene of riding into the gates of the castle describing this man on a horse. I thought of him as once a kind a gentle soul but with new reason to become scorned.

The Queen kneeling down when he whispers in her ear really caught my attention because I really could imagine his dark voice in a whispering rant of what will become of her.

The rolling of her head onto the ground was well noted and you couldn't have written this without such a great detail.

*Writing* Over All Thoughts *Writing*


Thank you so much for sharing this piece. I was impressed and so glad I came across it. When you can pull in the reader as you did with myself it only goes without saying that you hold a wonderful talent.

Keep Writing
~LL~



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Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
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Greetings Sandra O ~Lifelessons~ here to review this piece I found in the listing of prose."My Muse, My Mistress"

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*Bird* My Thoughts *Bird*


What a wonderful prose of your muse. You describe as someone who drifts in and out and takes you on a spiral of writes. I enjoyed the whimsy of this piece and how creative it was. You created great personification throughout the piece. I could feel my own senses come to life as I read on.
Every writer could describe their own muse because they are all so different aren't they. To be so passionate about writing as to be able to see the imagination that brings your writing to life. This is a gift, a passionate gift.
My muse like to come and go as well and she is a fury when she wants to be. I totally get the message here!!

*FairyR* Conventions *FairyL*


As I read I noticed conventions such as in line rhyme, personification,alliteration, simile, soft sounds that allow this piece to flow nicely. Some believe that prose doesn't necessarily have to hold these conventions but I tend to differ. I believe a poetic prose should hold some value as poetry does.

*Writing* Over All Thoughts *Writing*


A wonderful piece indeed! I see no errors as far as grammar, as well as punctuation. It held a great flow with great spacing. Thank you so much for sharing!

Keep Writing

~LL~
*Bird*

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Review of Another storm  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Greetings rana ~LifeLessons~ here to review this prose piece "Another Storm" which I found in the prose list

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*Bird* My Thoughts *Bird*


This is a wonderful prose that you have conveyed as great sadness. What I gather from this is that the woman you speak of is abused by a man. The road is long when day in and day out you have to succumb to such torture and unkind cruelty. The narrator allows me into his thoughts when his hard is broken as he watches this woman(mother?) day in and day out grow older due to her situation.

*FairyR* conventions *FairyL*


so we know that prose is just narrating a thought that can bring emotion and senses to the reader. I felt these senses all the way through. It was poetic without the set rhyme or meter and told a story. There were chosen words that enhanced these emotions as well. I feel the heart ache here. I would add a couple of pauses to let the reader feel the anguish. These would be called the caeursa that you would use after a word enhancing a pause.

My only suggestion would be that you take a second look at your grammar and capitalization on some words and sentences. Other wise a wonderful piece that I enjoyed very much indeed.

Keep Writing!

~LL~
*Bird*





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Review of A DEJA VUE  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Greetings Geoff ~LifeLessons~ here to review this piece of prose "A Deja vue" which I found in the list of types to review.

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*Bird* My Thoughts *Bird*


Quite the deja vue for sure. I have them myself and they hit me so hard. It seems impossible but I wonder what it means when you see another life so clearly that you feel you were there at some point. I truly believe in multiple lives. What you describe here seems to be somewhere destitute. A life of the poor. It could be a million things right?

*FairyR* Conventions *FairyL*


A prose is everyday language that isn't in a set meter or form such as poetry is. So I have to say this would be prose, but it also holds a great quality of a Vignette. When writing a Vignette the writer will use language that instills imagery, that will set the mood or color. Using words that enhance the senses of the reader.

That being said I believe I would call this piece a Vignette. Your description of the setting as desolate and crumbling road with dreary shacks in the dark. These are all things that send my senses into rise. Well done!

*Vignette5* Over All Thoughts *Vignette5*


I really enjoyed this piece and it read well. A few repeated words that myself would have changed up a bit. However it is yours and not mine. I hope my suggestions are helpful!

Thanks for sharing!
Keep Writing~
~LL~

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Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
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greetings Dave ~LifeLessons~ here to review this story "Into The Great Unknown" This being three stories I found in your port!!!
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*Bird* My First Thoughts *Bird*


Well I will have to think twice about searching the internet!! Creepy! The paranormal is one of those things that we question but could it really happen? Three deaths in a such a short period of time is cause for concern between these two detectives. Sherman's soul being sucked right out of him should have been a tell tale sign that things are just what they both thought. Now that his partner is gone it is only Otis's word against his own. Nobody believes him and sends him into the loony bin, where of course he will go crazy.

*Type* Structure *Type*


I really enjoyed your exposition because it took me right into the scene with detailed information worked in giving me a background. A great conflict that doesn't get resolved but enhances the meaning of the story. The plot and rising action were an easy read and nothing made me hesitate or wonder what was going on. Descriptive writing is paramount and I found this was done well.
Both characters were great due to the length of time they had worked together and knew each other so well.
I found no errors with grammar or spelling and spacing was great.
I enjoyed this story because it is of the unknown. Doubt leaves the reader intrigued when it comes to the story line.

*Writing* Over All Thoughts *Writing*


You took a great story line and turned into a wonderful short story. I love the whole cop thing and scene description. Stories don't have to be gruesome or over done to make a great impact. Thank you so much for allowing me into your port. I was happy to review your stories and saw your many talents in the writing world!!

~LL~
*Bird*


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Review of Silence  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Greetings Rhyanna ~LifeLessons~ here to review this piece called "Silence" that i found in your port.
*Bookstack* *Bookstack* *Bookopen* *Bookstack*



*Bird* My thoughts *Bird*


I love the idea of free association and it is so poetic. This is a short piece on deep emotion which is conveyed so very well. Each word chosen carefully to allow the reader to actually feel what the narrator feels. Putting words on paper with such feeling reads that way. There is a passion that grips the reader. I imagine we would all have our own way to describe silence because silence can be many things for many reasons.

*Vine2* *Vine1*


There are so many conventions in this piece that allow it to flow so easily. Soft sounds bring the tranquility that you are trying to convey here and it worked! Assonance, simile are only a couple that I would like to point out. Sometimes when we write we don't even realize we have chosen such elements that would come across as poetic.

*Vine2* *Vine1*


The ending seemed so sad. I couldn't quite place the situation of the writer in the last two lines. However sometimes others works are not for us to understand but to interpret in our own minds what we want to see. I see this as a girl who is basking in silence for the wrong reasons. I am not sure if this is right, but this is how i read it.

Very well done. I appreciate the choice of words and how they played out like a bit of a prose I would say.

Thanks for sharing

~LL~
*Bird*





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Review of Sulley's Opening  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
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Greetings FauxNe ~Lifelessons~ here and I came across this story in the drama genre.


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*Type* First Impressions *Type*

Well Joe is some guy isn't he. It seems that he has a gift and doesn't take things lightly when someone tries to show him up. A good description of the third street. I could imagine all the vendors and families shopping. Everyone know everyone in these neighborhoods. I like the name Sulley's and my imagination takes me to a pool parlor that is below the crowds. Down the stairs and through the hall way. I'm not sure because there were no details of Sulley's.

Joe seems like a strong character but what does he look like? Where did he come from? i was missing some direction as to how he came about.

For the most part this is a great story and I understand it's only the beginning? I was a bit lost in the end. Did Joe get beat up, or did he do something to Charlie?

*Writing* Over All Thoughts *Writing*


This has the bones of a great short story. I would suggest changing the beginning and give the reader a hook. Something that will make the reader want to go on. You don't want boring and the best way to do this is to jump right into action. This story being crime gangster, I would start it off with an action. You can get work the scene into the story while starting it off with a bang.

I hope my suggestions were helpful. Thanks for sharing
Keep Writing!
~LL~

*Bird*



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Review of Beach Bait  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Greetings Pony Tale ~LifeLessons~ here to review this short story "Beach Bait". This could mean so many things so I had to read and find out for myself.
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*Bird* First Impressions *Bird*


Wow! I couldn't imagine losing that kind of money to a card shark. I admired the way you handled it and the intensity of the situation. A thousand dollars is a lot of money without a doubt. My husband would have probably done the same thing. Not a way to start a vacation is it. You held my interest through the whole story because now I wanted to know if Ashu would really give back the money. So glad it worked out.

*Type* Structure *Type*


Your exposition was great that lead into a rising plot. I felt your anxiety when your husband left and headed towards the card sharks. The falling action when he comes back knowing he lost the only money you had left. This had me thinking how angry you would have been or "I told you so", but you felt sorry for him.

Now you surprised me when you decided to try your own hand at this little trick in order to earn your money back. Taking a chance to eye ball the crook in the eyes.

A great resolve when you walk away with your money and knowing that Ashu was playing your game allowing you to win, or maybe you just win. A nice ending to a horrible situation.

*Writing* Over All Thoughts *Writing*


This story is written from experience and you told it well. I could feel the emotions as I read. It read smoothly, although a couple of times I felt you were repeating yourself. Other than that a great tale, one for the books.

Keep Writing

~LL~
*Bird*




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Review of The Question  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Greetings Rhyanna ~LifeLessons~ here. I dropped by your port today and was so excited to find a prose "The Question". I love prose!
*Bookstack* *Bookstack* *Bookopen* *Bookstack*




*Bird* First Impression *Bird*


A very touching piece about a girl who prays to God allowing her boyfriend to stay behind and not go off to war. Powerful and emotional which are two excellent conventions of prose. A story wrapped up in a few poetic words. Lovely!

*Palette* Imagery *Palette*


I have to say that I wish I had a favorite line in here but I don't I loved it all. You captured a moment of hope and grace. This boyfriend holds a very special place in the narrators heart and it shows. Good byes are sorrowful and so much so when a war is involved. Her pleas to keep him home and grow together in peace and harmony was conveyed quite well.

*FairyR* Conventions *FairyL*


Well we know that prose is not poetry but it can hold poetic conventions and see how you used them in this piece. Assonance, similes, hyperbole and others. Nicely done!

*Writing* Over All Thoughts *Writing*


This was a very touching piece, full of heart and love. Prose is one of those things that allows us to tell a story on a shorter level and convey a poetic feel to it. I usually use a lot of in line rhymes with my prose, but that is my own take on it.

Thank you for sharing
Keep Writing

~LL~
*Bird*



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Review of Doomed to Survive  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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Greetings Carole Rae ~LifeLessons~ here, and I came across this story in the short story list. Intrigued by the title and then the short description I had to take a peak.
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*Bird* First Impressions *Bird*


What a wonderful tale and what if? A great way of telling a story from another perspective. I felt so horrible for Antoine. Her anxiety and love spent on worry over her son's fate. A fate she pretty much knew the end. I believe this story can relate to all mothers from in the now. We worry all the time and hope our children live a happy life. Back then however there was a duty, one that there was no choice to refuse. It was hardly anything appropriate. The strength she to uphold knowing her little boy was now sitting in a prison. To be that one to read the final letter would put me to the ground as well.



*Person* Characters *Person*


The main character is Antoine the mother of Charles. She is strong and loving to the bitter end. I loved the way she devotes her memories to her son when he was little. Even when he was older and made his own choice, she adored him and painfully waited for him over a two year time frame. coming from the family she did only puts pain in her heart as soon as Charles is born. To know what will become of a child at birth can't be easy one bit.
You took this what if and turned into a great tale with characters from the defeated France. I love old stories and this one will stick with me due to it's wonderful dialogue, plot, introduction.

*Writing* Over All Thoughts *Writing*


You were thinking outside the box with this one and I enjoyed the refreshing take on the past. your characters were strong but not over done. Each had their place in making what the narrator wanted to convey. Thank you for the wonderful take on "what if"

Keep Writing
~LL~
*Bird*

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Review of Shackles  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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Greetings Shawlyn ~Lifelessons~ here to review this story "Shackles"

*Bookstack* *Bookstack* *Bookopen* *Bookstack*



*Bird* First Impressions *Bird*

These are events that happen every day in our world. You captured one person's experience in a nightmare thank goodness. How terrifying for this character. To go from a normal day of nature doing her thing and the quiet of normalcy to raging men taking lives. I couldn't imagine watching this happen to my family. How does one cope? There would have to be a great belief in faith for these people.

*Palette* imagery *Palette*



I had to point out the wonderful job you did as you set the scene in this village. The falling rain and the sounds of everyone laughing, mother making supper. Well done! I pictured myself in this hut listening to the soft fall of the rain. I love the rain! You used descriptive words well that convey a scene very well.

*Type* Structure *Type*


You did a great job introducing a conflict to rising action, falling action and resolve. Spacing was great except for one place. I would put a space at the point when the men raise the club. Just before hitting the father. Otherwise I didn't pick up on any punctuation issues or grammar.


*Writing* Over All Thoughts *Writing*

I really enjoyed reading this and felt the fear! For such a short piece it read well. Your character had a nightmare thank goodness for that. There is nothing you could have done to make this story longer for it was a dream. It could make a great longer short story if you continue, bringing the main character to an escape. This could be interesting!!

Thank you for sharing!
Keep Writing!

~LL~
*Bird*

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Review of 1. Morning Coffee  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
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Greetings Prelooker ~LifeLessons~ here to review this first chapter of "Morning Coffee"

*Bookstack* *Bookstack* *Bookopen* *Bookstack*



*Bird* First Impressions *Bird*


I loved the hook to this piece. You took me right into Regan's kitchen where I learned she was a police officer and had a son who is seventeen. She seems to be quite down to earth. This is the perfect kind of read for me. I love romance/drama and I think you might have a great grasp on this so far. This only being the first chapter you have me wanting to read on to the next chapter. Isn't that a great goal for the writer. Usually the first chapter can be a tell all on how the rest of the book will be. This was a great pace and setting a background full of information. I already like Regan and can't wait to see how her life takes a turn.

*Type* Structure *Type*


Well so far so good.You are off to a great start with the exposition and heading towards a conflict. Though it is hard to say where this will lead, being only the first chapter. I would like to say that you hold a great strength in carrying this genre to a great place.

Everything was an easy flow with great dialogue. Your characters are strong and I see where this story can go. I have a feeling her son will be in the story for multiple reasons. These are all great strengths to a great story.

*Writing* Over All Thoughts *Writing*


Of course my thoughts are just as the rest of this review was. Positive! Thank you for letting me into your first chapter of a great story in the making. I can't wait to read on!! So far so good. You didn't overdo anything and nothing was missing.

Keep Writing!

~LL~
*Bird*



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Review of Weeping Island  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Greetings Graham Muad'dib ~LifeLessons~ here to review this story "Weeping Island"

*Bookstack* *Bookstack* *Bookopen* *Bookstack*



*Palette* First Impressions *Palette*


Well this is a wonderful story of a man who has settled to be on his own as a town bum it seems. He is known by everyone and seems to be friendly. There is a wise soul here wanting to reach out to a young girl who has chosen a life path that her family disagrees with. I am sure this happens a lot in life. He goes out of his way to help her leave the island and away from her family.

I have to wonder what is keeping him from going back to his own family. Why has he chosen this path to follow? Maybe a second chapter for this story? I have to wonder why he would get so involved in a girl's life when her parents are determined to keep her at arm's length.

*Type*Structure*Type*


I found the structure of this story started well with the introduction to the main character of Willard. His great concern for others is heart breaking while his own life is in shambles. You took the story to a rising plot when Willard decides to do something about Jess's situation. The altercation between Willard and Less's father complicates things a little further bring us to the falling action into the resolve. This story was easy to read, no errors as far as punctuation. Spacing was great!

*Writing* Suggestions *Writing*


The only suggestion I have to maybe allow the reader to know Willard's grief with his own family. What keeps him away? He is a strong character but left with no ending. I think maybe a new chapter or a continuation to the story would help the reader feel more complete after reading it.


Great story! Love the whole idea of some one who shouldn't care come to someone's aid. I enjoyed the detail and the dialogue was great!

Keep Writing!

~LL~
*Bird*



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Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Greetings Redtowrite ~Lifelessons~ here to review this short story "Amy and Enya, A Sisterhood of Pain"
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*Bird* First Impressions *Bird*


What an intriguing story!! Isn't it funny how two people from two different worlds can relate and build such a close relationship. I felt so sorry for Amy and all that she endured. Enya being a kind soul reaches out to her and consoles her in a way nobody else could have. To have a police officer as an abusive husband is a scary situation. How could she have put her trust into the law's hands? Carrying such a burden for anyone in that position is hard enough.

*Type* Structure *Type*


Your story held quite the conflict in the beginning. Right off the bat you have a character in quite the situation. Exposition provides the reader with background of characters, the setting and situation. You carried this out well. I was given a clear visual to all of these conventions. Rising action is showing the reader how the conflict increases as the writer brings the story to a rising plot. The confrontation between Amy and her husband shows this well. The resolution or the end was tragic but one that sets Amy free on some sort of level.

*MugLV* Over All Thoughts *MugLV*


The narrator has taken me on a journey of a one woman's story of despair, fear and courage. Her friendship with another woman in a totally different place and time shows me that two people of different worlds can relate. This was a pleasant story even if it was heart breaking. Your characters were strong and were conveyed in a way that I was able to see them in their situation.

Thank you so much for sharing this story! Keep Writing!

~LL~

*Bird*



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Review of The Elevator Man  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Shield10* *Shield10* *CastleB* *Shield10* *Shield10*
Greetings woody ~LifeLessons~ here to review this short story "The Elevator Man"
*Bookstack* *Bookstack* *Bookopen* *Bookstack*



*MugV* First Impressions *MugV*


Wow! What a great story of how the human mind works. Life is full of those who judge and point rude gestures and those who don't deserve it. I know this first hand. There is a saying, "You never know the angels that walk the earth. Be kind to a stranger."
I follow this always. The people that choose to stay in the background, do so for a reason. It only takes a kind hand and heart to make them feel respected and loved. This story held a great message and told in a very descriptive manner. Well done! A feel good story is a nice change to read.

*Type* Structure *Type*


Your story holds a great beginning with conflict. As this poor elevator man keeps to his daily routine and doesn't allow anyone to disrupt his duties. He carries on with strength that comes from within. The rise to the plot when meeting this young girl selling chocolates was great. The younger ones always see the better things in life. As your triangle declines with emotion and a wonderful resolve in the end, it brought a smile to my face.

The spacing was great and easy to read. I found no errors that popped out at me. The story was that good, I probably wasn't looking for any.

*Writing* Over All Thoughts *Writing*


I would like to say how wonderful it was to have come across this story. It brightened my day because who doesn't want to feel good. A story with great convention and a hidden message. Well written with great detail. My favorite part of course was when the little girl first went to him with a chocolate and when she didn't see him again she went to find him. This showed how much her heart went out to this man.

Thank you for sharing this story!! Keep Writing!!

~LL~

*Bird*




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Review of the confession  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
*Shield10* *Shield10* *CastleB* *Shield10* *Shield10*
Greetings becem ~LifeLessons~ here to review this short story "The Confession"
*Bookstack* *Bookstack* *Bookopen* *Bookstack*



*Note* First Impressions *Note*


So full of emotion here! That feeling of loving someone and unsure as to how to tell them. This made me feel so sorry for the character. He really describes his love and passion for this girl in a detailed manner. Relating his touches to the wind and the honey to his bees. nice touch here. There are many ways we can relate our fancy towards someone else and the writer chose great hyperbole mixtures and conventions to convey this to the reader.
The end was kind of sad, as I felt so sorry for the main character in losing his chance to express his feelings for her. Not all is lost, I am sure you can continue this story and give it a happy ending that it deserves.

*Type* Structure *Type*


Your story starts with conflict which is a great way to start any story. The rising plot thickens as he finally works up the courage to tell her how he feels. On the decline into the end the conflict is not resolved, but open to a continuation of the story.

*Writing* Suggestions *Writing*


I would suggest that you revise your story and use proper capitals when necessary and punctuation. There are many missing which makes it hard for the reader to keep up to the pace of the story. Spacing is another important detail when writing because as a reader I had to go back and reread many times. These are the main issues of this piece.

Once you have revised this story you will see the difference and how it will only enhance this little love story all the better. I do hope that I see it again once you have done some editing.

Thank you for sharing this story!! I enjoyed the read! Keep Writing!

~LL~
*Bird*


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Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Shield10* *Shield10* *CastleB* *Shield10* *Shield10*
Greetings Dave ~LifeLessons~ here to review this short story "Family Reunion"
*Bookstack* *Bookstack* *Bookopen* *Bookstack*



*Bird* First Impressions *Bird*

Wow! What an emotional story! Family Reunions can be the worst thing ever! Sometimes I have to wonder the same thing as the character John did, are we just people who shared a history of common ground. We tend to grow apart over the years. I loved your descriptive writing! Well done. You brought me to this very house and left me with visions of a told story of memories. I enjoyed his reluctance to even go and his walk up the driveway as the old days flashed through his mind. Not knowing what to expect after so long of being away is torture.

*Type* Structure *Type*


Right away you brought the reader to a conflict and one that builds to a heightened plot. The resolve at the end was gratifying to say the least. An unexpected emotion from the main character. The memories he shared was awesome allowing me to want to read further. The hook in the beginning was also great because it pulled me in to a drama story right away.

*PenV* Favorite Part *PenV*

The convention that caught my eye the most was your detailed descriptive writing. You were able to take me to the very spot that this happened and took me into John's thoughts. I felt for him and his reluctance to go to the reunion. For reasons of a matter that was close to his heart. Well done!{{/i}e:Thumbsupr}

*MugV* Over All Thoughts *MugV*

I really enjoyed this story and I can see your talent shine here. It was full of emotion and memories. Detailed and most of all an inviting read. Thank you so much for sharing this story. Please keep writing, you have a talent here of story telling.

~LL~

*Bird*


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Review of Worthless Angel  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings Angels in my Ear ~LifeLessons~ here!! I saw this posted in the News Feed and took a peek. I would like to offer my thoughts on this piece "Worthless Angel"


*Bird* *MugV* *Bird*


As I read this poem I thought you gave a voice to so many who battled and lost to a horrible fate. The ones without names are the unspoken voices. You turned this beautiful piece into words of triumph. I hope nobody goes unnoticed for such a sacrifice. I am sure though there are plenty.

*FairyR* *Salute* *FairyL*


You held a great syllable count that was an easy flow to the ear. I found no hesitations but cherished words for those who have given their lives for their country. You have spoken on the behalf of many who have no words. Very nice indeed!

*Vine2* *Angel* *Vine1*

I would like to say I have a favorite part but how could I chose from words from the heart and the whole piece dedicated to soldiers of all over. The conventions of emotion and rhyme speak for themselves.

Thank you for sharing this and I am so glad I took a moment to read.

~LL~
*Bird*



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Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Greetings šŸŒ· Carol St.Ann šŸŒ· ~Lifelessons~ here to review your short story "A Secret Worth Keeping" apart of your solar package!!

*BookStack2* *BookStack2* *BookStack2*


Well quite a story you have here. After reading it I came to the conclusion that some secrets are best keeping just as that. You held a good flow and the beginning starts with conflict which brings the reader to want to read on. Conflict heading into the rising plot was done well. Falling action allowing me to read of the resolve coming into play with a smooth ending of resolution.

*Thought2* Characters *Thought2*


Tommy

Tommy holds a bit of anger towards his father and this is shown through out the story line. He holds a secret of his sexuality and his father is old school. A bit of a hard ass if I am say so. He keeps it under wraps until his plan of leaving comes into play. He wants to run, get away from what is keeping him happy. There was no way he could of told his parents. Not without repercussions from the people around him.

Ruby

Ruby being Tommy's little sister is your basic little sister. She is emotional, whiny, dramatic. Not always in a bad way. Her brother's secret is something she holds dear and protects him in any way she can.

Liam

Liam being Tommy's best friend was also his boyfriend. Something that surfaced along the way. Liam takes his own life leaving Tommy and Ruby in the dark. They became a trio and Ruby would cover for them while they spent time together.

*Vine2* A few thoughts *Vine1*


This is a great story that holds a message that I am sure more than one can relate to. There a couple of things that maybe you might want to emphasize on. It left me wondering as a reader how a few more sentences could have pulled the story together.

I had to wonder about Tommy's emotions after Liam passed away. He had to be heart broken. Did he wonder off, ponder his death. Some sort of action could had shed some light on his situation.

Maybe have the reader know why Liam killed himself. He was with Tommy and planned to leave with him. Did he feel guilty about leaving his family and on the other hand couldn't confess his life choice?

Ruby seemed more upset than Tommy. I liked the idea that She chose to go to his place of death rather than her fathers.

Between the two leaving town and coming back three years later. Could there have been a little description on how their lives changed. Did Tommy meet someone else?

bod's little sister
Maybe somebody's little sister

It was me preacher saw
I wasn't sure if you meant this to be slang but I didn't understand it.

*Type* Over All Thoughts *Type*

I enjoyed this story very much. You wrote the language as slang and did a great job. One I have never tried yet. The topic which you chose is a well known challenge among many young adults today. I enjoyed your descriptions of detail at the dinner table with the father.

Remember I am not a professional, only a reader and writer learning along the way. Any suggestions I have is only that but I do hope they help you somewhat.

~LL~

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for entry "Early Spring Rains" 
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings šŸ’™ Carly ~LifeLessons~ here to review your poem "Early Spring Rains" for the WDC power review raid! I am enjoying reading many different poems written for Nano month, and when I came across this piece I saw all the conventions it held that drew me in to review.

As you know I am not a professional. I have a passion for poetry and all of the words we can use to enhance our imagery, emotions, and thoughts.
I hope you don't mind if I comment on your conventions and your poem in general.


*Bird* First Impressions *Bird*


You share a free verse poem with details of emotions during the first rains of spring. I have to say I really connected with the barbeque cover because mine is right outside the door. Everything about this poem makes me think of what we are in for in this coming week. Rain rain rain they say. It is still chilly which makes the rain go right to the bones when we have to go out in it. You capture everything in how one feels about the gloom before the bloom.

*FairyR* Conventions *FairyL*


Imagery

*Palette* You painted a wonderful picture of the first few rainfalls of spring. From the darkness to sounds I could envision myself sitting by my window watching it gloom over and shower pellets of huge drops. Wonderful!

Assonance

Wind howls and flips anything in its path.

A great example of assonance! It's funny how we use conventions without knowing completely how they wrap up our work into a lovely package!

Hyperbole

The day is angry and hangs in dark ominous clouds.

Now we know a day can't be angry, or hang in clouds, but how wonderful it sounds when we use this convention to convey feelings or thoughts to our work. love it!


Pyrrhic

rips the

Now this is a convention I have only learned recently myself. It's powerful and is a metrical foot with two unstressed syllables.
So I intentionally looked for it and guess what? I found it.

Style

There are many things that pertains to style and you have used so many wonderful elements. Figurative language, tone, setting Imagery. All of these helped bring me into the depths of rain fall. Nice!

*UmbrellaB* Favorite Lines *UmbrellaB*


Wind howls and flips anything in its path.
The day is angry and hangs in dark ominous clouds.

These two lines really brings out the darkness of the day and portrays to me the tone of whole poem. Great choice of words here.


*Thinker* Over All Thoughts *Thinker*


I want to thank you for sharing your work for all of us to read. I enjoyed it very much. Good luck with your challenge in the poetry Nano!! Sad to say I missed out this time around, but I am reading and enjoying.

This is a wonderful free form of dreary days ahead of us, but they lead to sunshine and new growth so we must bare with it.

~LL~
*Bird*



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Review of Jetta  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings TJ Marie my name is ~LifeLessons~ and I have stopped by your port and came across this steam punk story "Jetta:Charater vs Reputation"

I would like to make it clear that I am giving advice as a reader not a professional. We are all here to share what we have learned along the way and to give honest opinions. I hope anything I have to say will help polish your story into a grand prize! Let's see what we have!


I couldn't review this until I read your introduction to your main character Jetta. She holds a style of her own and written with great detail. She seems to be strong willed, and makes her own decisions. While her quest is to find anything as far as Inventions of the steam variety she also has her father to cope with. He seems to be against her quest in finding "The Steam Goggles". Her father resents the fact that his daughter will waist valuable time on finding something that he feels does not exist.

"Star" being her assistant has come across a probable prospect from someone in the Great Passage of Waters. This being a great interest, Jetta decides to turn ship and head towards what could be the greatest find yet.

*Tophat* Introduction *Tophat*


I am going to combine a review of your main character Jetta and this piece together if you don't mind.

A very well detailed picture portraying Jetta's style. I really enjoyed this description very much indeed. However I think instead of telling your reader you should show your reader. There are many ways to pull this off. This is only a suggestion. Maybe have Jetta working on her outfit. Standing the mirror perhaps sizing herself up and have Star making comments on her style. Action speaks louder than words they say and believe this to be true. If you tied in a little "showing" you will keep your reader interested enough to read on. Some call this the hook. I am not a big steam punk reader, but I do love the detail in the stories. One would have to be quite descriptive to hold a reader's attention.

Moving on to this next chapter. As you start to unfold Jetta's character you had me knowing she was a strong person with a mind of her own. I enjoyed the names you have chosen "Julius Bottonbum" Now I picture this fellow as older, stout, grey or bald. Glasses sitting on the edge of his nose and rose colored cheeks. A bit of a know it all but knows nothing at all if you get what I mean. I will have to read further to see how you brought this character to life. I have a feeling that maybe this fellow has ties with Jetta's father that she is not aware of? Could be wrong, but you see how you caught my attention to want to read further.


*GlassesB* Over All Thoughts *GlassesB*


There is a great tale to be told here and I intend on reading further. You might want to take a second look and I am sure you will find a few little mistakes as I did.

example

Please, do not waste your life like did."
like "I" did

"I was doing some research and I have computer programed to scan for any information posted about the Steam Goggles. So how it works is..."


programmed
I have "the" computer programmed

These are only small errors that are easily fixed. I won't go through them all as I am sure you will see them yourself after taking a second look.

I want to thank you for all of the reviews you do yourself and the positive feed back you give. Happy Anniversary and thank you so much for sharing your story!!







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Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello and greetings beetle My name is ~LifeLessons~ and I am reviewing this piece for The Simply Positive Group


This was a great story of a group of guys out on the town for a bachelor party. I was given an awesome visual throughout the story line as you brought me from the crowded car to the crowded bar. The innuendos that fill the air between Evan and Dex is pretty heated. Your story starts well and was easy to follow. Nothing overdone here!

I enjoyed the pace, story line, characters and setting. Well done!

My only suggestion is this


As the car barreled through the night, I took stock of my situation and wondered if Iā€™d and the evening in the E.R. . . . or the morgue.

You may want to re read this. A little miss and I am sure you are going to get right to it!

Great Read!

~LL~

*Bird*




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