What I thought of your title:I was drawn to the name you have. Sounded interesting
The positive aspects:I like the story line. How this guy is telling a story and nobody believes him. He is quite the character. The reaction from the others listening to his story.
Items of improvement:I just seen the most horrible thing one can imagine.” I would change this to "I just saw the most horrible thing anyone could imagine."
“You weren't there. You just been sitting at home watching the news like us here. ( I didn't quite follow what you were trying to portray here. )
"check" should cheque
police, the news, they all wanted to know what I saw (the new," and" they all) Overall thoughts: You have a great idea on how to tell a story. A few tweaks here and there, such as grammar and punctuation. You want your reader to be able to follow the story how you want them to see it. Keeping it interesting.
Keep shining through your writing ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Hi, It is only me LifeLessons. I am here to review your art of writing. Please take note this is only my review.
What I thought of your title:I love this title. I knew right away that you have poet in you.
The positive aspects:Everything about this was great. The constant in the lines of reference to this castle in the sky. The flow was great. I love the choice of words and they click in each rhyme.
Items of improvement:The only mistake I found was "why build a imposing thing" ( maybe build "an" )
Overall thoughts:Over all this has great quality in poetry. You have a great imagination, and that is all you need. Great job!
Here to give a review and I hope you don't think of this as nit picking. Only giving structural advice.
What I liked about the title: Of course when I saw this title, I wanted to know. I will not. Had to read it.
What I found that was positive: You have a lot of emotion in this poem. I received a message loud and clear that violence was not going to have the upper hand here. There was a great amount of strength in words.
My thoughts in general: You can most likely tell that I will not die at your hands
I will not quake in your tracks
( I think you can shorten this a little so it flows with the rest of the stanza. A little tweaking can make this much stronger.
You caused to much pain?
(did you mean this to be "too much pain" or "so much pain"
a mild error
Great efforts made here!! Thanks for sharing
Hello, it's just me LifeLessons. Doing some reviewing and came across this piece.
Title: Simple title and It brought a vision in mind right away
What I liked: I loved everything about it. How it made me feel. How you portrayed music to the ear. Nice flow of words and descriptive. Well done. Your second attempt in poetry shocks me. You really have a talent here.
Things I think you can improve: The only thing that bothered me was the first two lines. I think you can use a little tweaking here. Something descriptive before pearl. Maybe an iridescent pearl. Along those lines would pull the two sentences together.
Final thoughts: Good for you ! This is a great start to being a great poet in the making.
I hope to see more from you, I think you may have a hidden talent here.
Here to give a review and I hope you don't think of this as nit picking. Only giving structural advice.
What I liked about the title: This title Screamed at me! Really! I feel the same about what is happening in our world.
What I found that was positive: Everything you have said here is true. I felt the pain and anguish of the narrator. You have chosen very descriptive words and used them well.
There is so much rumblings from too many an
Empty stomach ( This would be one of my favorite lines, it speak volumes)
My thoughts in general: This is a great piece of writing. I would use some punctuation just to give the reader a time to breath. I say this based on some lines seem to run on instead of flowing into each other. Other than that, it was great
Here to give a review and I hope you don't think of this as nit picking. Only giving structural advice.
What I liked about the title: I liked the title, because it told me you had something to say here. Reading on I made the quick connection.
What I found that was positive: I enjoyed the simplicity of this write. You have mentioned your confusion in life that can sometimes blind us. Hoping for a better future and a bit of positive activity. Life can be like the forest, dodging trees and staying on the path.
My thoughts in general: A couple of suggestions for you.
The walk of life is what I am in but not seeing anything but despair in life.( you use the word but in the same sentence. It is a bit of a run on here. maybe: The walk through life is where I am, only
being blocked by despair.) This would shorten it and get your point across.
(can't vision) maybe: cannot envision
These are only little changes that may help you come across clearer to the reader.
Here to give a review and I hope you don't think of this as nit picking. Only giving structural advice.
What I liked about the title: I knew the title had to mean this would be personal. This intrigued me.
What I found that was positive: I really loved the way you covered all emotions and tribulations in growing up.
My thoughts in general: This was a positive note to your parents I believe and it is nice to know that tough love works in many aspects. You portrayed this well.
Here to give a review and I hope you don't think of this as nit picking. Only giving structural advice.
What I liked about the title: The title intrigued me. I knew it had to be something deep
What I found that was positive: I like the simplicity of the poem. I felt the emotion.
My thoughts in general: I think you have used some good choice words. Your
last sentence, you could delete the (even) and it would
give it a better flow. Simplicity to this piece would be
important.
Here to give a review and I hope you don't think of this as nit picking. Only giving structural advice.
What I liked about the title: I was intrigued by the title. Something about the name I think. It caught my attention.
What I found that was positive: I think you have a great start to a good story. Two people getting together. Charlotte's walk home was interesting.
My thoughts in general: I think you need to start your story with a more intense beginning. Not sure who the boy in the hoody is. I was confused. The story seems to jump from one concept to another. You need quotations on your dialogue. Some spelling mistakes and spacing. These are little things just to improve your story.
Nice piece.
I felt the emotion here for sure.
Life is about dancing in the rain.
Life's Lessons here.
Learning to love one's self is something some never learn.
I have no issues or critiques
Enjoy your writing.
Nicely done!
Amazing variety of words to describe nature in our own back yard.
I love the difference between the two.
Nature is ruthless and hard to accept for some.
A little story, I thought a Robin had fallen from the nest last spring. I scooped it up and took it back to the tree where the nest was, only to find it later that night across the yard. I went to save it again and the Momma came squealing at my head. Only to learn she was trying to get her baby to fly. More or less she told me to mind my business ! LOL
I enjoyed this little read.
I love the name Maya.
There are only a couple of suggestions, these are only suggestions.
, so contempt with who she ( should be content I believe)
she rise above (she has risen above our pity)
Great piece,
Keep writing
I cam across this in random reviews.
I was not so taken by the title, but the first few sentences.
It has a great story line.
I only have a couple of suggestions for you.
Keep in mind these are only suggestions.
I would break the story up a little, just to make it easier to read.
I would start with a more descriptive character of the princess.
I think this could be a longer short story. It has wonderful pontential
I love the way you describe your love for your child.
As a mother I feel the same for my own.
Just a couple of suggestions for you:
She my baby girl (should be) She is my baby girl
She change my life in many ways ( should be ) She changed my life in many ways
There are many ways to use words that can pull the heart strings.
These are only suggestions to help you out.
Keep on writing.
Great description of a love gone wrong.
I love the flow you provided. An easy read with a great story.
Love can do just that!
I love the last two lines.
Best Friends leave foot prints in our hearts
There is no reason to hear from each other every day; we just know their place in our lives.
Nice flow of words and I felt the emotion
I liked the whole idea of this poem.
The sentence "That we ever met, I'm truly amazed."
This kind of made me re read it without a flow.
Only a suggestion here. Maybe "How we ever met, leaves me amazed."
Again this is only a suggestion.
I so enjoyed this piece of poetry.
So exciting to know such treasures loom in the dark attics.
To find treasures of our past or even someone else's.
You really gave a great visual. I thought I was there.
Great flow of words. Descriptive in every sense.
I thought this was a great idea!
It gave me a giggle without a doubt.
I did have an issue with reading it because there is no break.
It seems to ramble on.
Maybe some paragraphing.
I noticed that the shoes have emotions.
I was thinking maybe you can give the emotions to the one wearing the shoes.
Then have the shoes respond.
Maybe a little conversation.
It was a light read, which is a nice change.
Keep it up !
I have read both.
The title grabbed me right away.
I knew there had to be an heirloom story to tell.
I loved the first poem which felt more like a story.
The revised version really connects that the bracelet not only was handed down, but
has been held through generations of endless war.
How sad is that.
A great read, I love the story in a poetic form.
This was awesome!
So so true.
Sad that we are considered brutal beasts.
I don't think we are born this way. I tend to think we were all born with
a loving and giving soul. This has been broken due to society and what
it has become. We harden and tire from being broken. Hanging on to that
innocence is hard for most.
Great read!
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What I liked about the title: Of course when I saw this title, I wanted to know. I will not. Had to read it.
My thoughts in general: You can most likely tell that I will not die at your hands
Hello, it's just me LifeLessons. Doing some reviewing and came across this piece.
Title: Simple title and It brought a vision in mind right away
What I liked: I loved everything about it. How it made me feel. How you portrayed music to the ear. Nice flow of words and descriptive. Well done. Your second attempt in poetry shocks me. You really have a talent here.
Things I think you can improve: The only thing that bothered me was the first two lines. I think you can use a little tweaking here. Something descriptive before pearl. Maybe an iridescent pearl. Along those lines would pull the two sentences together. 
Final thoughts: Good for you ! This is a great start to being a great poet in the making.