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476
476
Review of Writer's Block  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi LifeLessons here!

Here to give a review and I hope you don't think of this as nit picking. Only giving structural advice.

 *FlowerP*
What I liked about the title:Of course I had to read what you had to say. Writers go through these moments when ever Writer Block wants to hit us.

 *ButterflyR*
What I found that was positive: You covered it all in this piece. I have felt this many a time. Frustrated and you just cannot force the flow of writing. Your poem had a nice flow to it. The rhyming was great.

*ButterflyV*
My thoughts in generalI don't see any mistakes here. You did a great job.


*Sun*Keep shining ! Don't stop writing!
477
477
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, Hi, Lifelessons here:
*Vine1* *Vine1* *Vine1* *Vine1* *Vine1* : *ButterflyV*



What I thought of your title: What is there not to like? I love Angels, so I had to take a peek.

*BurstP*The positive aspects: I loved everything about this short story. The emotion was portrayed and I felt his anguish of such a loss. To the point of wanting to take his own life. The angel speaking to him and saving him was a nice touch. This was quite touching.

*BurstP*Items of improvement: The gentle rain, the formality, her favorite Psalm, the somber feel, she would have pronounced it the perfect funeral.
(I found this sentence quite long. I am thinking maybe a semi colon after the somber feel; she would have pronounced it the perfect funeral.) ( Possibly just ending the sentence at her favorite Psalm. Leaving a somber feel, she would have pronounced it the perfect funeral.)



*BurstP*Overall thoughts: These would be my only suggestions. If there are smaller errors, I did not see them because I enjoyed the great feeling of the story

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*Sun*
Keep shining through your writing
478
478
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi LifeLessons here!

Here to give a review and I hope you don't think of this as nit picking. Only giving structural advice.

 *FlowerP*
What I liked about the title: I had to read this. Being a mom.

 *ButterflyR*
What I found that was positive: You went to great measures to get back in the good graces of your mom. Mom will love you regardless, but what a nice effort. I am sure she will enjoy this day as a real treat. A Chocolate Delight

 *ButterflyV*
My thoughts in generalThe only thing I found that you may want to correct would be this:forgot to wish her in the morning and by the time I
(I think you meant I forgot to wish her Mothers Day in the morning
Very nice


*Sun*Keep shining ! Don't stop writing!
479
479
Review of beginning of book  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi, Happy Spring!
This is LifeLessons and I am doing some reviewing and came across this piece.: *Vine2* : *Vine2* : *Vine2* :

About the title: *Egg7* Well I am sure this is not the title for your book. That will come in time as you write it.

What liked about this piece: *Egg7* It seems like a very light read. The prologue was very vague. You want the reader to be interested in reading right away. I like the description of the character Annabelle. You have portrayed her as someone simple and has ethics of her own. I am just unsure of where the story is going. You might want to start with larger hook. something to grab the attention of the reader.

Thing I believe you could improve: *Egg7* I do not see anything wrong as far as grammar or spelling.

My overall thoughts:*Egg7* I believe you have a great idea of a story line here. Think about your plot and how you will get there. You don't want to give too much away too soon nor do you want it to drag to the point of boredom. If you work at it you will see it come together. Great Writing


*Sun*
Keep shining through your writing!!


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480
480
Review by ~Lifelessons~
Rated: E | (5.0)
Well put! No one person has the same reviewing technique.
Sometimes the overuse of simple words takes away from the piece.
It is all about learning and practice. I also use those books to find that right word.
481
481
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi, Happy Spring!
This is LifeLessons and I am doing some reviewing and came across this piece.: *Vine2* : *Vine2* : *Vine2* :

About the title: *Egg7* You Know Those Feelings. I had to see what feelings you were writing about.

What liked about this piece: *Egg7* This brought back memories of when I was younger and those feelings came and went every time. The excitement, the hurt, the whimsical butterflies. You certainly brought that back.

Thing I believe you could improve: *Egg7* Just a little note to remember. If you are going to use punctuation, be sure to continue it all the way through.
Do you ever get those feelings
Low in your gut
That overtakes your body
And you feel like you're as light as a feather?
( I believe there should be a comma after gut, and a semi colon after body. )
My overall thoughts:*Egg7* Over all this is a nice little piece you have here. A nice flow to it. I like the ending. The format is a nice touch


*Sun*
Keep shining through your writing!!


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482
482
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hi, Happy Spring!
This is LifeLessons and I am doing some reviewing and came across this piece.: *Vine2* : *Vine2* : *Vine2* :

About the title: *Egg7* Well I knew by the title it would a character of interest.

What liked about this piece: *Egg7* I really liked this piece. someone in the neighbourhood that everyone knows. His habits have taken over. The clutter and mess and the confrontation with him.

Thing I believe you could improve: *Egg7* Nothing wasted, nothing pleasing as, from one end of the yard to the other, car parts, old bikes, broken lawnmowers, tires, boards, bottles and stuff I couldn’t begin to name laid around in disorganized heaps. Even a lawn gnome would be hard pressed to fit in with all the trash.
( This very long sentence could be broken down. Less commas and the use of semi colons.)
Nothing wasted , nothing pleasing; as from one end of the yard to the other, there were car parts, old bikes, and other accumulated junk. Even a lawn gnome would be hard pressed to fit in with all the trash.)
A few expressive words and some punctuation changes, could make this great piece more of a bang.

My overall thoughts:*Egg7* You have done a great job here. You told it well and I was very informed with a visual how this neighbour must be to live beside. The shotgun was a great finish.


*Sun*
Keep shining through your writing!!


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483
483
Review of hair  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WDC's Guiding Light  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi, Happy Spring!
This is LifeLessons and I am doing some reviewing and came across this piece.: *Vine2* : *Vine2* : *Vine2* :

About the title: *Egg7* I was curious when I read this title. What would one have to say about Hair. I think you could incorporate something else with you title to guide the reader to wanting to read.

What liked about this piece: *Egg7* I found you have a talent here for descriptive writing.

Thing I believe you could improve: *Egg7* I read this piece a couple of time. I wasn't really sure where this was going. I gathered it was about your grandfather with some sort of illness. Not sure.
His hair reminded me of mould on bread- all delicately fuzzy and weird smelling, kinda like the smell of a root cellar, which co-incidentally was exactly where we were. Was it his hair or the root cellar (This is quite a run on sentence. I think you can stop this one at some point. Kinda should be kind of.) Sometimes it is okay to use slang but in a piece as short as this one, I believe you should use proper grammar.) Take another look and focus on grammar and punctuation. Maybe elaborate more on what you want the reader to see.
My overall thoughts:*Egg7* In my personal opinion I think you can master a great short story here. It has potential to have a great descriptive story.


*Sun*
Keep shining through your writing!!


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484
484
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
*Reading*Hello, it's me LifeLessons. Doing some reviewing and came across this piece.

*MailR* Title: The Woods. Well anything can happen in the woods, so I wanted to take a peek.


*DropV* What I liked: A very mysterious event here. Being lost and then running into another. The thought that this other person was in the woods for 11 years is a bit scary. The waterfall not to be found. There is potential for a more in depth story here.


*DropP* Things I think you can improve: Names should be capitalized. Your title as well. You need to re read your story and make some punctuation changes. A few run on sentences that can be easily fixed.WHAT THAT IS IMPOSSIBLE( What) is a question) maybe try WHAT?! That is impossible!
Some of your paragraphs should be started throughout your story a little earlier. Just easier for the reader

*DropB*Final thoughts: Great story. I hope you take another look at it. Revise and I think you will be happier with it as well

*Sun* Keep writing and enjoy !

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485
485
Review by ~Lifelessons~
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Hi, Lifelessons here:
*Vine1* *Vine1* *Vine1* *Vine1* *Vine1* : *ButterflyV*



What I thought of your title: What is wiser than a tree that evolves from just a seed. I had to read.

*BurstP*The positive aspects:Everything in this poem is wonderful. I love how you compared lives with the growth of a tree. In comparison they both overcome trials in life. Wilt and rebirth, the weeping willow, tears of a triumph. Wonder composition and flow of words.

*BurstP*Items of improvement:I do not see anything to improve. I enjoyed reading this piece a lot. You have a talent. Glad you are sharing it.

*BurstP*Overall thoughts: Keep writing as you do. It comes naturally for some. You are lucky

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*Sun*
Keep shining through your writing
486
486
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
*Reading*Hello,My name LifeLessons. Doing some reviewing and came across this piece.

*MailR* Title: Looking at your title makes me believe this is a true story?


*DropV* What I liked: You presented it well. The idea of a young girl going to the doctor for that womanly reason is nerve racking. I liked the way you portrayed your annoyance with your mom. Us mothers can be that way.


*DropP* Things I think you can improve: “Its just time for a check up Lisa your 17 now don’t you think its time for some birth control now “?, Lisa rolled her eyes and looked away replying with
( I think you can reword this sentence. I had to read it twice to get the just of it. Maybe "It is time for a check up Lisa. Being 17 I am worried you may need birth control."
(Lisa know, should be Lisa knew)( to get dress. should be get dressed)
*DropB*Final thoughts: I think this is a great story and with further editing it is the making of a great story.

*Sun* Keep writing and enjoy !
487
487
Review by ~Lifelessons~
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*Reading*Hello, It is me LifeLessons. Doing some reviewing and came across this piece.

*MailR* Title: I love this title. It speaks volumes of your poem.


*DropV* What I liked: I love the story told here. Very heartfelt. It holds a lot of emotion.
young boy too old to be here now
the radio plays the staff sergeant speaks
and he can't hear a thing it's all a crackle
except his dad singing fun fun fun in seventy one
a few months before vietnam took him away
(This would have to be my favourite stanza. It speaks volumes of repeating violence)


*DropP* Things I think you can improve: The only thing I see wrong is Vietnam should be capitalized. Otherwise a great piece.

*DropB*Final thoughts: I am also writing a piece for a contest on the first world war. So many things people do not pay attention to. It seems you felt the pain and anguish of so many that had to endure a terrible time.

*Sun* Keep writing and enjoy !
488
488
Review of A Child Sleeps  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, Hi, Lifelessons here:
*Vine1* *Vine1* *Vine1* *Vine1* *Vine1* : *ButterflyV*



What I thought of your title: Well as a mom of course I was drawn to this title.

*BurstP*The positive aspects: You took something that was a moment and made it real. I felt how you were so enthralled over your son. My son is 22 and I still feel the same. It is amazing to feel that much love. I felt your amazement, love and treasure for your son.

*BurstP*Items of improvement: There is nothing to improve here. It is your description of your son.

*BurstP*Overall thoughts:I thought is was heartfelt. A nice read. A personal piece for sure

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*Sun*
Keep shining through your writing
489
489
Review of Run for Freedom  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Hi, Lifelessons here:
*Vine1* *Vine1* *Vine1* *Vine1* *Vine1* : *ButterflyV*



What I thought of your title:I loved the title and had to know what you were running from.

*BurstP*The positive aspects: I love the description of being on the road. Not an easy task to run and with a child to worry about. You laid out a story well told. I felt as though I was on the road with you.

*BurstP*Items of improvement:No improvement needed here

*BurstP*Overall thoughts: Counting the trees and placing a blessing on the child of keeping her safe. This is an inspiring story told that some will relate to.

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*Sun*
Keep shining through your writing
490
490
Review of Run for Freedom  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Hi, Lifelessons here:
*Vine1* *Vine1* *Vine1* *Vine1* *Vine1* : *ButterflyV*



What I thought of your title: Your title drew me. I had to see what you were running from

*BurstP*The positive aspects: Not such a simple task to run from anything. Having the worry of a child ways heavy on the mom. I like how you distract the child with counting trees, and giving her warmth and safety. This is an inspiring poem for others to read.

*BurstP*Items of improvement: No room for improvement here. I enjoyed the read.

*BurstP*Overall thoughts: You portrayed a clear vision of being on the road moving forward to something more divine.

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*Sun*
Keep shining through your writing
491
491
Review of Living in Fear  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi, Hi, Lifelessons here:
*Vine1* *Vine1* *Vine1* *Vine1* *Vine1* : *ButterflyV*



What I thought of your title: I liked the title. It intrigued me to read on.

*BurstP*The positive aspects: I like how you describe the fear. You are not the only one. The world is changing and I suppose nobody will be prepared. We live in a different society now. It has become pretty grim. You made you point well in saying that the world will never be prepared.

*BurstP*Items of improvement: I noticed you use semi colons often when there is no need to. The sentences do not need to broken up.
I see a lot of repetitive words, example, scared, don't, because. I think you can broaden some great emotion through deeper words of expression. Just something to think about to intrigue the reader.

*BurstP*Overall thoughts: This is a great topic of choice to write about. I think it has great potential to become a great article.

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*Sun*
Keep shining through your writing
492
492
Review of LOVE ME AGAIN  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi, Hi, Lifelessons here:
*Vine1* *Vine1* *Vine1* *Vine1* *Vine1*


What I thought of your title: I felt the heart ache in the title alone

*BurstP*The positive aspects: I love the way you wrote with such emotion. Letting go of someone you truly love is the hardest thing to do.
You had a life to go back home to,
and I knew that's where you belong.
We said goodbye 'mid salty tears,
we both tried to be so very strong.
( I love this stanza. It spoke to me, telling both sides of the story. It was the plot of the poem)
Holding on to memories is never something you have to give up.


*BurstP*Items of improvement:I do not see anything to improve here

*BurstP*Overall thoughts: A well told story of two people in love that had to let go. A true heartbreaking love story. You told it well.

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*Sun*
Keep shining through your writing
493
493
Review of Love You To Death  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi, Hi, Lifelessons here:
*Vine1* *Vine1* *Vine1* *Vine1* *Vine1*


What I thought of your title: I was not expecting this story. I was expecting a sappy story. Nice play on me.

*BurstP*The positive aspects: I love how you told the story of his father.
His battle between using the gun and not using it. It seems he has quite the battle going on with himself. I liked the spacing you used, Made very easy to read.
My mother's house loomed up ahead of me. I had no memory of coming here. Stumbling, mind numbed with pain and shock, I climbed her front steps. Sobbing, I knocked. The door opened, my mother's arms drew me inside.
I really felt this part of the story. His torment and not wanting to go with what his heart wants to do.
*BurstP*Items of improvement:I don't see any improvement needed. You had me feel the story from beginning to end.

*BurstP*Overall thoughts: I looked through your port and saw many great things I would love to read. I also see you are from Canada.. neighbour. I am as well


*Sun*
Keep shining through your writing ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
494
494
Review of In Memory Of Him  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Hi, Lifelessons here:
*Vine1* *Vine1* *Vine1* *Vine1* *Vine1*


What I thought of your title:In Memory of Him. I certainly did not see that one coming.

*BurstP*The positive aspects: A marvelous story of conviction. I love the way you described the duties of the guard. The way of the prison speaks volumes when the head count is done and one goes missing. I could not imagine the way of life in a prison and yet somehow you portrayed this to me in one poem. Sad it tis

*BurstP*Items of improvement:Nothing to improve here !

*BurstP*Overall thoughts: a great poem! I enjoyed the read. I was caught up on it. It certainly left me thinking


*Sun*
Keep shining through your writing
495
495
Review of Hit The Road  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, Hi, Lifelessons here:
*Vine1* *Vine1* *Vine1* *Vine1* *Vine1*


What I thought of your title:Hit The Road caught my eye and I had to read

*BurstP*The positive aspects:I love the story of moving forward. Too many stay and live a lifestyle that only brings them down. A child to stay in that environment will bring a unhappy child. Leaving is in their best interest. A call nobody wants to make and have the courage to do so. You portrayed the strength of a mother well. How she stands her ground and feels so good about it.

*BurstP*Items of improvement:I don't see any room for improvement here. You did well with making me feel I was sitting right at that table.

*BurstP*Overall thoughts:Keep doing what you do !!


*Sun*
Keep shining through your writing
496
496
Review by ~Lifelessons~
Rated: E | (4.5)
Well done!
A great descriptive poem describing the beauty after a storm
497
497
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, Hi, Lifelessons here:
*Vine1* *Vine1* *Vine1* *Vine1* *Vine1*


What I thought of your title:Your title piqued my interest.

*BurstP*The positive aspects:All I have to say is positive. This is an amazing story in poetic form.An hundred men did leave the keep,
And into danger trod,
An hundred wives did wail and weep
And pray for aid from God.

I really liked this stanza. I liked them all really. I felt like I was there. A time from so long ago, so raw and loyal. well done

*BurstP*Items of improvement:I see no improvements

*BurstP*Overall thoughts: Great work! A great read!


*Sun*
Keep shining through your writing ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
498
498
Review of Audible Silence  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi, Hi, Lifelessons here:
*Vine1* *Vine1* *Vine1* *Vine1* *Vine1*


What I thought of your title: Your title intrigued me

*BurstP*The positive aspects: A great poetic piece to describe silence and I believe maybe over thinking.

*BurstP*Items of improvement:I do not see anything to improve. I like the two lines Deaf to my ears,
Loud in my head,
The speak volumes. No pun here.

*BurstP*Overall thoughts:I think you have a great idea of portraying a visual to the reader. Keep it up !


*Sun*
Keep shining through your writing ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
499
499
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Hi, Lifelessons here:
*Vine1* *Vine1* *Vine1* *Vine1* *Vine1*


What I thought of your title:Love the title!!

*BurstP*The positive aspects:This is just beautiful. I loved everything about it. The flow, the message you send. To those who opened my eyes to words and science and imagery,
My gratitude is heartfelt and I assure you that you bettered me.
You began to cure my ignorance and there is no more noble task,
And so I conclude with simple thanks, though not one of you ever asked.

This is a wonderful worded thanks!!

*BurstP*Items of improvement: Nothing to improve here. Well done!!

*BurstP*Overall thoughts:Over thoughts would be, keep writing ! I have to save this as a favorite if you don't mind.


*Sun*
Keep shining through your writing ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
500
500
Review by ~Lifelessons~
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, Hi, Lifelessons here:
*Vine1* *Vine1* *Vine1* *Vine1* *Vine1*


What I thought of your title: Loved the title. Tells a story on it's own.

*BurstP*The positive aspects: I love the story told in this piece. The Spartans is a story I love. Mythology is one of my favorites. Although I cant seem to write about it. You give a great imagery here. I felt the pull of the Gods and the ploy of pulling in the reigns. Poor Persius !!

*BurstP*Items of improvement: No improvements here!!
A great story told.

*BurstP*Overall thoughts: I loved it. I think you nailed the prompt to a tee.


*Sun*
Keep shining through your writing ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
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