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2,313 Public Reviews Given
2,313 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I try to be honest and positive. My Christian faith is an important background factor. I hate rating low but have a system that determines how I grade.
 
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#2259390 by LightinMind
I'm good at...
More interested in the content of what you write than the style. Theological, political, historical, scientific, or experiential, or indeed anything that paints a vision of the future. A good grammar checker will tell you about spelling and commas.
Favorite Genres
Not entirely sure as I like most stuff. I prefer something with a soul rather than purely secular. But I like Sci-Fi, anything Christian, and also 'What-if' type speculations with plausible plots.
Least Favorite Genres
Anything that fails to look for a way out of the darkness. You can be dark, just don't wallow in it. Generally, I try to steer clear of Fantasy, and most Dark or Horror stories just make me laugh or grimace due to their ignorance of the dark side.
Favorite Item Types
I have really liked some of the heartwarming dramas I have read here particularly personal stories. Thought-provoking poems or stories are cool also though I am no expert on poetical forms.
Least Favorite Item Types
Anything that is just an affirmation of the dark side. I hate empty words. I always look for human intelligence. I try and avoid Fantasy and Horror where there is no metaphorical resonance or connection with real-world truth.
I will not review...
I mainly review at random and just see what grabs my attention. I will usually skip stuff I do not like unless it gets me riled or if it is interesting for other reasons.
Public Reviews
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376
Review of Saturdays  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, Jenni Bailey . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Saturdays"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Saturdays were cleaning days but there are some things about a house that can require more than a physical scrubbing. A house can be stained more deeply by the lives that have been lived in it.


*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

I loved the concept of this poem and agree fully. If we could see with more spiritual eyes the true character and history of a house we would see and hear the roar of dark winds and bloody trails of vicious words and wounds on the walls from where humans sinned against each other. How do you clean that mess away?


*Quill*Mechanical issues

I felt this might have been better done as a free verse with more thought about word choices. You had two rhyming schemes one for the second stanza and one for the rest, but variable line length and the effort to keep the rhyme did not quite work for me.

There's much more to clean:


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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377
377
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, Charley . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Leprechauns - Blessing or a Curse"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A green Leprechaun turns up on St. Patricks Day to offer a free gift to a man because he was Irish by Marriage. He had been married to Eileen Coughlin. How will he decide to act?...


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

So there is the author who is a divorcee with two kids, who served in the military and invested in Enron. There is a 97-pound, three-foot-tall Leprechaun offering free gifts to IBMs and there is a decision to be made.

Unlike God Almighty giving wishes to Solomon, the Leprechaun offering the wish is unlikely to give something good and the author works that out.

He is praised for the choice of accepting responsibility for all his decisions even the ones that did not work out. The Leprechaun alluded to the motto of 'beware Greeks bearing gifts' but it seems that 'beware Leprechauns bearing gifts' is also apt as they seem to cause more mischief than good. It makes you wonder at his sense of urgency about his house calls.

My take on the story is that the Giver is the key to the character of the gift. I might trust God Almighty but I would not trust a three-foot-tall Leprechaun. Call me racist if you like but I think it makes sense.

The idea that we could unravel a part of our past by amending bad decisions flies in the face of everything I believe also. Time moves in one direction and we get only one chance at each moment. The idea that such little creatures could alter something that even God does not mess with seems wrong to me. We can repent of mistakes we made but we cannot alter what we did. Rewriting human history to avoid that one shameful moment is a recipe for disaster and I doubt that even magical creatures have that kind of power anyway.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Both kids have lived with their mother since that d; looking closer and becoming more awake - Both kids have lived with their mother since that day. Looking closer and becoming more awake,

I realize that t a three-foot-high kid is looking at me from the foot of the bed.

on a tropical island with that actress--no such luck - on a tropical island with that actress...no such luck


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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378
378
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello, Seuzz . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "A Day for Walking Forever"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Big Dan and tall Tommy take a walk in the forest. On a day like this, you just want to walk forever. They talk about things and people in their shared lives and then...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

Big Dan, with short but big shoulders and muscles, sounds like an accountant who stole from a crime boss. The less well-built Tommy does not fit the stereotype of a hitman. Johnny Rubio sounds like he is in trouble with the Feds as Dan has set things in motion or was this just informing on one of his marks (Weasel) - the language is not clear. Tommy does not tell this to Johny who apparently did not authorize a hit and seemed more interested in just getting his money back.

This piece raises more questions than answers for me. Why did Tommy kill Dan if they were friends and his boss had not authorized that and knowing that the Feds were already involved? Was it because he lied to him about the Feds? It seemed like a nonsensical act given all the variables and the story does not really explain his motives. It allows us to assume a motivation and then sabotages our assumptions without replacing them with answers that make sense.

The last lines might imply he also intended to shoot Johnny but is a little opaque.

Tommy shifted in his seat to get the gun—which still felt "hot"—off his hip.



*Quill*Mechanical issues

it was as though he was resuming the earlier topic.

"For why?"

"I dunno. Maybe bringing them back is his way of telling them he's sorry, making it up to them for coming back when they didn't. Maybe he's just sick." - This line is poorly phrased. In effect, you are talking about a demented old man recalling the ghosts of his war experience in France but here it sounds like he intends to physically retrieve bodies from French graves.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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379
379
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello, Kåre Enga in Montana . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Gala Intergalactica "  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A bored, immortal and apparently indestructible hermaphrodite decides to tour earth. It finds a whole bunch of thrills to share on Insta-Galactica.


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

Gala sounds a little like Q in Star Trek to me. An immortal superpower who roams the galaxies looking for fun. Morally relativistic, nihilistic, and narcissistic.

The time spans between dinosaurs and the modern age were given as only a hundred years (Human years) in your story. It was 64 million human years by many people's reckoning today (just thousands if you are a creationist.) If you were talking about the phenomenological experience of the immortal then you should not have added the human years part.

There was a lot of creativity in your style and a mildly satirical critique of the modern Instagram age, where rich people live in peaceful lands watching poor people blow themselves up on TV and sharing Instagrams of their tourist snaps of danger.

Gala is an unattractive character who gets its thrills parading human suffering to an equally soulless audience. Good job it does not really exist. This was not edifying at all.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Great word choices and perfectly written in a show do not tell format. This was a bit short for the contest limit of 2000 words.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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380
380
Review of Demon Type Items  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (1.0)
Hello, Elisa the Bunny Stik . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Demon Type Items"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A poem about Satan also called Lucifer.


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

Are poems about the devil always toxic or can we write even about evil with the same freedom we can write about good? What can we learn from the Great Deceiver that is of any eternal value and what constructive purposes will our reflections on the Lord of the Flies yield?

I might have rephrased the poem thus:

Satan
dull, disappointing
limited, jaded, spoiling
fallen angel, accuser, rebel
destined for burning
pathetic, fading
Loser

But only a Christian can really make jokes at the devil's expense.

There was a lot of popular cultural mythology, woven into this one. Is Satan the master of hell for instance or just destined to burn there for all eternity? Is hell under us or in a kind of parallel state/place that is not so much up or down as a special kind of sideways?

Was not sure about the words yearning or elusive in this context also.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

monstrous not monsterous


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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381
381
Review of Demon Type Items  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello, Elisa the Bunny Stik . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Demon Type Items"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A poem about Satan also called Lucifer.


*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

Are poems about the devil always toxic or can we write even about evil with the same freedom we can write about good? What can we learn from the Great Deceiver that is of any eternal value and what constructive purposes will our reflections on the Lord of the Flies yield?

I might have rephrased the poem thus:

Satan
dull, disappointing
limited, jaded, spoiling
fallen angel, accuser, rebel
destined for burning
pathetic, fading
Loser

But only a Christian can really make jokes at the devil's expense.

There was a lot of popular cultural mythology, woven into this one. Is Satan the master of hell for instance or just destined to burn there for all eternity? Is hell under us or in a kind of parallel state/place that is not so much up or down as a special kind of sideways?

Was not sure about the words yearning or elusive in this context also.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

monstrous not monsterous


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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382
382
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Jozanny2022 . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Irma-Warrior Princess"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

One of the most devastating hurricanes ever, Hurricane Irma, a Category 5 storm from 2017, is compared to the character of a rebellious teenager.

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

This was amusing and well written and I enjoyed it. The name Irma has been retired now because this hurricane was so devastating and caused so many billion dollars worth of damage.

I guess it was a little disturbing also. Mama Ocean nurtures all these babies only to throw them in their teenage years at the Caribbean and Atlantic and the continental USA in one final burst of life before they fade into memory. They live for a single moment of glory where their fame is measured by the devastation they cause. Mama's parenting technique seems to get them as riled up as possible so that they perform on the day.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

No one dare moved a ripple. - No one dared moved a ripple.

Thunderous waves hurtled on to land, pushing aside boats, rocks, buildings and people in its wake. - waves are plural so their wake

“Thank you, Mama for believing in me” - “Thank you, Mama, for believing in me”


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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383
383
Review of The Picardy Third  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Jay O'Toole . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received {item:} via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

The poet speaks from a musical perspective of hope in Christ and the afterlife. This is a hope that has endured through all the pains of life.


*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

This was very thoughtful and authentic. It used older more archaic phrasing but the message was powerful. I liked the way you married the themes with a musical understanding of major and minor keys and the impression of an orchestra of instruments being conducted. There was a feeling of pain and a life that had not been always that easy behind this poem.

I share your faith that at the last the greatest hope is to be with Christ forever.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

I am torn between the idea that the archaic phrasing made the poem less accessible versus the idea that it lent a certain gravitas to the theme.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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384
384
Review of Survival  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, green supports Israel . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Survival"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A snowy owl feeds its young with scarcely available mice that it hunts. Done in Haiku format.

*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

Baby snowy owls are white and downy at birth and then turn light brown before becoming white in adulthood. They could look gray in the context of faint light I suppose. Since it is night for long periods of the year in the Winter when food is most scarce and what there is is in hibernation I guess the image of scarcity best applied to Winter and to night.

Since this bird inhabits areas in the Artic Circle where until recently there is little life it may well be hard to find food for babies. That the mother does this means that the babies survive. I wonder with climate change if this is changing as life creeps north.

The haiku combines the themes very well


*Quill*Mechanical issues

No obvious errors were found.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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385
385
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Adherennium Dr of Phoolishness . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Because I know not..."  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A very cleverly structured Villanelle that darkly advocates moral relativism.

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

Clever darkness is the kind of poetry that guy with horns and tail spouts. In a literary forum, I cannot object to the clever structure but selfishness, moral relativism, lack of compassion and empathy, and indeed indifference is more objectionable.

But then if someone knows no better does that excuse them? May after all the poem raises an important question. Can we judge an ignoramus by a law written upon our own hearts?

Each man shall instead be judged by what they did with the little truth that they grasped.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Plight was overused at the expense of delight.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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386
386
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello, Schnujo is Late to Lannister . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Cock-a-Doodle-Doo Entry"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

An amusing account of new neighbors in a farming area. One just loves rare and exotic species that are nearing extinction...


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

Having lived in both country and city at various times I could empathize with this piece. There is an obvious attractiveness to the rural life but a rooster, that crows at all times of the night, is not one of them nor are the jarring animal noises of larger animals.

My wife loves birds and feeds them so they love her too. So we have flocks of them all around our house. They chatter like crazy at dawn which comes very early at our latitude in Summer. But maybe they are better than car horns and motorbike engines and anyway I can always use earplugs and shut the triple-glazed window.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

In the gray of morning light


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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387
387
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, Kåre Enga in Montana . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Maggie and her magic shoes"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Maggie has magic shoes that can fly, stamp in puddles or make her a star in the sky. Maggie's shoes can rollerskate past cars, squeak like kittens, or help swim all the way to Shanghai. Maggie's sandals can take her any place she wants to go. When she sleeps she dreams of butterflies.

*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

What an awesome poem. I loved your use of color here. Yellow rubber boots are paired with a duck reference.
Silver slippers with stars.

You seemed to also understand the kind of things that little girls love. Horses and rainbows, kittens and rollerskates, butterflies and moonlight.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Perfectly chosen words, punctuation, and style.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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388
388
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello, Artu117 . This is a Raid Review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* "The last living thing"  was selected by the random read & review button for this time around. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Aliens start a war against humanity in which catastrophes occur. This includes all humanity being wiped out except for one man. This man will do the impossible to save planet earth though.


*Quill*Commentary

OK, this is a prompt not a story but even as a prompt it contains inconsistencies.

If aliens have destroyed all but one of the human race what is the point of saving the planet? When this man dies there will be no one to live on it anyway. He needs a female companion or the storyline is at a dead end and he would have no motivation. Also if everyone dies in the end there is no one to read his story anyway.

Why did the aliens decide to wage war against us by the way? Why did they reject the alternatives to war? What do they look like? What weaponry and spacecraft did they have? Where did they come from?

This is obviously a prompt from the fantasy genre as any religious person will tell you this is not how our story ends. Aliens probably do not exist anyway and even if they did how would they traverse the vast distances through space to come to visit us.

In summary, this needs fleshing out.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Too short!


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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389
389
Review of What is Hope  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, ajw708. This is a Raid Review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* "What is Hope"  was selected by the random read & review button for this time around. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

This is a poem about hope. The poet describes hope as odd, mysterious, and something that no one truly understands. Hope gives people the strength to do the impossible.

*Quill*Commentary

Thanks for this, in a world so full of reasons for despair hope, is crucial and so a poem about hope is always welcome.

I do not believe however that there is anything odd, mysterious or difficult to understand about hope. Hope is about being sure of our futures in whatever circumstances we find ourselves in. It is the conviction that whatever happens to us in this life we have a secure future in which things will be made right. That our present sufferings are but a moment in eternity.

The true grounds of hope can only be religious, in my view, as they must reach beyond this life in which irreparable damage can be done to our bodies, communities, and psyches. There must be a hope of resurrection to a new life in which we are remade, whole, complete, and purified of all that would drag us down into the darkness. So the reason for our hope is in God and for me as a Christian what Jesus did and demonstrated in his death and resurrection.

This poem reads a little to me like the person who is asked what he believes in and says I believe in faith. It addresses the symptom, not the cause. If you have no reason for hope then hope is delusion and does not empower.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nothing major.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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390
390
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, LouLearning . This is a Raid Review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* "The Listener (296 words)"  was selected by the random read & review button for this time around. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Read this if you want to learn about listening. It is a life skill that would do us all some good.

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

I enjoyed this short piece of flash fiction. Good luck with the contest.

It struck me that listening is very much like reviewing. It is all very well people writing loads of things but what is the point if no one reads it and gives them some kind of feedback.

Here someone has a dream that advises them to listen to people. Over the years they develop this gift and ultimately they find that it saves lives. By listening we also grow as people, as our perspective is refined and trained by the experiences of others. Older people like Jim may well have much to teach us from the story of their own life journeys.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nothing major.


Thanks for sharing.

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391
391
Review of Parental Guidance  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, 🌕 HuntersMoon . This is a Raid Review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* "Parental Guidance"  was selected by the random read & review button for this time around. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Marge is reading Dr.Oz and is advised to provide close supervision of her child setting clear boundaries, guiding them to a moral and productive life. Her practical application from this is to search his room. She cajoles her husband into the action and they find...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

Very funny piece. They sound like neglectful parents suddenly reminded of their duty. But it is already too late and their teenage son Harold is already on a journey towards his own self-identity which has taken him in a weird direction.

The joke at the end was hilarious. Ed is using humor to diffuse a difficult and awkward situation and his non-judgmental style may well be a better approach with their son than Marge's explosive anger which would probably just push him further away from them.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nothing of any note.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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392
392
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, James Fillmore . This is a Raid Review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* {item:} was selected by the random read & review button for this time around. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

This is a taster designed to draw the reader in and sell a book advertised on the page. It describes a couple, Bernard and Frankie from Iowa, visiting a French-Italian restaurant called Mancini on the outskirts of a town. What happened to Albert? Who is Bernhard? What is it that Frankie cannot remember?...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

You set the scene here for a mystery, adventure, romance, and betrayal. Obviously, this summary provokes more questions than answers. There is the feeling that Frankie is a victim of some. She is all alone in a country with which she is not familiar. Though being wined and dined in such a great restaurant there is no evidence of her victim status. What happened to Albert and why she ran off implies a sinister background of some sort. How such an exclusive restaurant remains profitable with so few guests is far from clear.

It is hard to visualize the characters here as no ages are given. The novel is set in the sixties but the conversation revolves around themes set in the mid-forties. Does this mean they are in their mid-forties themselves? I guess I would have to read chapters 1 and 2 to find out.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

They had chatted over lunch about Italy, France, Iowa and when the Germans invaded Paris - They had chatted, over lunch, about Italy, France, Iowa, and when the Germans invaded Paris

Maybe we should have called the police. Aand taken him to hospital.

Well it's nearly Christmas - Well, it's nearly Christmas


Thanks for sharing.

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Review by LightinMind
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, Beholden . This is a Raid Review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* "A Very Parfit Knight"  was listed on the Raid Review member list for this time around. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

The geeky master has invented an AI in his own image called Sir Gawain. Sir Gawain patrols his domain until interrupted by emergencies and messages in various centers of his realm. But who or what is causing these and was is it with the pretty girl across the aisle who is always typing...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

So you have a bit of a gender and corporation war going on here in the deep tech world of Geeks and AI. The Knightly code is matched against the disreputable but beautiful world of the manipulative female hacker and the evil Opposition she represents. It definitely adds another dimension to relationships. You used the language of the computing world quite cleverly. I was reminded of Tron in the way you personified code in this virtual realm and also of the Matrix to some extent. But here two different ideas and modes of action are controlled by human actors from outside the drama.

The classic IT fix is applied to thwart the enemy's plans in the wipe, restore and reboot recycling of the Geeks empire and AI ally.

The story kept me engaged from start to finish and I found Sir Gawain both amusing, annoying and brilliant at the points you designed him to be these things.

The AI and the Geek both seem to grow more resistant to female tricks and manipulations outmaneuvering her at every turn. If only life were like that...

I did not get the parfit word meaning rather than perfect. I am guessing it is a reference to the philosopher Derek Parfit and in particular to his view that reality can be described impersonally and his answer to the question 'will I continue to exist?' In which case Sir Gawain's repeated resurrections with full memory would make nonsense of the question of his existence as he can always be restored in all his fullness without being sure that the same personal coherence that made him Sir Gawain in his previous instance was perfectly repeated in the latest version.

There was little to dislike here, it was well written, intellectually stimulating, and novel in its content. The tension between Geek and girl and their extensions was perfectly managed and the story even had a righteous ending with the good guys winning. So pretty good really.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nothing really major, which was itself an achievement given the length of the text.


Thanks for sharing.

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Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello, Prosperous Snow celebrating . This is a Raid Review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* "The Baha'i Response To Racism"  was listed on the Raid Review member list for this time around. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Since the oneness of mankind is an axiomatic spiritual truth founded on divine truth rather than human imagination racism makes no sense. The barriers and prejudices we erect between ourselves are imagined rather than real yet highly destructive also. Can we become one people?

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

Critical race theory meets Bahai religion in this critique of systemic racism based on the supposed oneness of mankind. We need to come together and racism and prejudice are in the way of that.

As a Christian, I have always found Bahai rather naive. There are clearly people in this world bent on evil and the recent war in Ukraine, which Putin describes as a sort of reunification of estranged peoples by force is illustrative of the real forces at work in human nature. Mankind has never been united and never will be. Even with the return of the Messiah, the sheep will be separated from the goats, the one for eternal life and the other for eternal damnation.

But racism is stupid and I agree that this is an ugly prejudice we need to shed. Men were universally made from the dust by a Creator who fashioned them in His own image. That inherent dignity crosses all races. Creationists would go one step further to describe a unity of ancestry in Adam and Eve and then Noah. Evolutionists have more problems in overcoming the developmental distances between races with a rationale for shared dignity. Christianity also regards all people, regardless of race as equally capable of being saved by Christ and his sacrifice on the cross opening up the possibility of an eschatological future with God again regardless of race. The church has always been populated by people from every racial background.

The one mankind vision fits a lot of New Age thinking about a One World Government and the empowerment of an UN-type global government. Like the John Lennon song 'Imagine all the people...' it is a morally relativistic vision, is not centered on Christ, and is therefore doomed to fail.

There were a lot of spelling mistakes in this piece. I list some in the mechanical section below. Also, about a third of the work was taken up by quotes rather than direct writing. Maybe the quotes could have been shorter and their content summarised.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

SPELLING:
determing - determining
o f - of
ans - as
blood shed - bloodshed
iold - old
effected - affected
neighter - neither

We have created you all form the same substance - We have created you all from the same substance

the imagined ones still persists - the imagined ones still persist

and the foundation of prosperity of the world will be destroyed - and the foundation of the prosperity of the world will be destroyed

and is one the the chief impediment to peace. - and is one of the chief impediments to peace.

the pivot round which - the pivot around which

Its message is applicable onlt only to the individual

but stands inseparable, associated with

Thanks for sharing.

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Review of Thunder Cover  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, Words Whirling 'Round . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Thunder Cover"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Describes a couple in bed experiencing a thunderstorm passing overhead. It describes uncertainty, fear, intimacy, and finally peace with love.

*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

I could not find anything wrong with this. It was nice to just sit back and enjoy a poem for a change. The approach of the storm, the synchronization of thunder and lightning at its peak, and then its slow retreat was handled masterfully.

My wife and I will generally open the blinds when a storm passes to watch it. We are both fascinated by such events. When I lived in England I think I was a little stupid in thunderstorms running out to greet them, getting soaked to the skin. They were a testimony to the power of God and indeed still are to me. But in the last few years, I experienced a major storm in the mountains of Southern Germany that literally ripped a forest apart striking down tall mature strong trees in a ferocious lightning storm. Now I am not so glibly accepting of the special effects that storms provide.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

None.


Thanks for sharing.

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396
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Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, jaya . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Come gently, oh, garland of clouds"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

The beloved sleeps while clouds approach. The lover gazes upon the beloved and pleads to the clouds not to come too quickly, not to startle her out of her slumber with thunder. Give him just a few more moments to bask in her beauty before the rains come and drench them both.

*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

I loved this. The language complemented the sentiment perfectly. The feeling that the approaching clouds would shut out the sun under which this beauty basked. It was a warm comfortable moment in time when everything was perfect, and even though the clouds loomed staying in that moment seemed the best thing possible.

The lover assumes a lot about his beloved thoughts. She dreams golden dreams of destiny, sweet dreams of rainbow-colored vistas of delight. She is the picture of angelic innocence and "divine" beauty. You make the contrast between this natural simplicity of a beautiful woman sleeping while her lover watches her and the material world which seems stressful and empty by contrast. Of course, she might have been dreaming about a visit to a shopping mall.

Getting a little wet in a hot place as a result of cooling rain is not as bad as it would be in another country where the temperature is much lower.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

None


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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397
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Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Baba . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "What are the amazing results if you "  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Drinking hot water has amazing health benefits. We need to drink more hot water. The Chinese think the health benefits are obvious. It can protect you from cold weather. Ease digestion issues reduce constipation, increases fat digestion, clears sinuses, reduces stress, helps weight loss, and helps the body excrete toxins. So drink more hot water!

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

There is some science to support these claims though you assert rather than demonstrate here and you offer no sources. The most important thing is to drink enough water. Staying hydrated gives many of these benefits you listed and cool water is better for rehydration of thirsty people. Drinking water over 71C (160F) will cause scalding. It might have been good to define the safe range of what is hot water.

Personally, as an addictive coffee drinker, I can say that I find hot water more interesting than cold water. I drink a lot because of that. But after exercise I want a cold drink to rehydrate not a hot one. On a 13km run in 30C, I will lose 1-2 liters of water and I want that back cold.

The Chinese have a lot of folk remedies and believe in them with some passion. It is a part of their cultural identity and promotes unity and a holistic shared approach to life. But most of these: acupuncture; alternative medicine, are scientifically little more than placebos. Drinking hot water is good advice mainly because drinking water per see is good advice.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

You miss two question marks in your opening paragraph.

What are the amazing results if you drink hot water every day? Why do people in China drink hot water?

According to a research, hot water is present


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#2259390 by LightinMind


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398
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Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, 🌕 HuntersMoon . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "The Eternal Question"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Does my bottom look big in this dress? The lady wants to go to the ball and she asks the magic mirror how she looks. The mirror does not lie, but did she hear what it said?...


*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

Very amusing poem and loved the magic mirrors creative use of language:
"You used to be quite heavy but it's all behind you now!"

Having paid for the dress and in the desire to meet a Prince maybe she was not really listening as hard as she should. Hey but even fat people can pull and maybe she did not need to look perfect for the ball.

A recent trip to Versailles and a study of various corpulent nudes in the paintings there revealed that in the eighteenth century, the skinny woman was the ugly one.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

None.

Thanks for sharing.

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399
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Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello, James Heyward . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "An Old Familiar Dream"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Sandra rejected Alec Dormond in favor of her beloved Patrick. Alec attended the wedding, followed them back to their honeymoon cottage, and killed them both. Driven by the guilt he created a large business empire and charitable giving. But can these stave off the nightmares that plague him still about that day 35 years before?...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

Alec Dormond is a businessman, philanthropist, and most importantly the murderer of the only woman he ever really loved. The story is told from his perspective and he is the only real rounded character discussed here.
Sandra was a woman torn between two loves who rejected one in favor of the other as gently as she could. She apparently married Patrick only two weeks after meeting him for the first time which sounds impossibly fast. But no ulterior motives are discussed here.
Patrick is the man she married and died with.

The story reminded me a little of Macbeth and the guilt of the one who killed him.
"Noughts had, all's spent, where desires got without content, 'tis better to be that which we destroy than by destruction dwell in doubtful joy." His business and charity success could never wipe away the guilt from his soul and ultimately he is consumed by the nightmare of what he has done.

The choice of suicide device was a powerful addition to the storyline.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

headed for the the bathroom.

she looked away, for only the briefest instant, than back - she looked away, for only the briefest instant, then back

but it was the Sandra’s gown that caught and held his attention

cutting of his scream - cutting off his scream


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Review of Lisp Sync  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello, Words Whirling 'Round . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Lisp Sync"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Humorous poem attempting impossible rhymes that require the stereotypical lisp of a gay man to pull off.


*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

I thought you made up the word cunth but apparently, it has various meanings:

In the Urban dictionary: A fractional unit of linear measurement used in the construction industry.

In Chaldean numerology, it is the number 5. In Pythagorean Numerology it is the number 3.

Unfortunately, none of these units of numerical measurement really apply in this case. So taking the gay lisp thing in what is probably an American context were you talking about chilly truth? Maybe gay guys sound different in Germany I could not find a way to make the conversion from truth to cunth but hey this is comedy and it worked regardless.

Also, do gay poets have a slam technique for poetry? Maybe different kinds of gay people would respond differently to that.

The poem was funny and quite inventive.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nah. But cannot say that with a gay lisp.


Thanks for sharing.

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