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2,292 Public Reviews Given
2,292 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I try to be honest and positive. My Christian faith is an important background factor. I hate rating low but have a system that determines how I grade.
 
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#2259390 by LightinMind
I'm good at...
More interested in the content of what you write than the style. Theological, political, historical, scientific, or experiential, or indeed anything that paints a vision of the future. A good grammar checker will tell you about spelling and commas.
Favorite Genres
Not entirely sure as I like most stuff. I prefer something with a soul rather than purely secular. But I like Sci-Fi, anything Christian, and also 'What-if' type speculations with plausible plots.
Least Favorite Genres
Anything that fails to look for a way out of the darkness. You can be dark, just don't wallow in it. Generally, I try to steer clear of Fantasy, and most Dark or Horror stories just make me laugh or grimace due to their ignorance of the dark side.
Favorite Item Types
I have really liked some of the heartwarming dramas I have read here particularly personal stories. Thought-provoking poems or stories are cool also though I am no expert on poetical forms.
Least Favorite Item Types
Anything that is just an affirmation of the dark side. I hate empty words. I always look for human intelligence. I try and avoid Fantasy and Horror where there is no metaphorical resonance or connection with real-world truth.
I will not review...
I mainly review at random and just see what grabs my attention. I will usually skip stuff I do not like unless it gets me riled or if it is interesting for other reasons.
Public Reviews
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Review of All Year, Santa?  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, SandraLynn Team Florent! . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received {item:} via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A dialog between Santa and a customer in the era of covid. Also an exploration of the meaning of the word good which is used 22 times in this piece.

*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

I found this funny and liked the clever word game with the word good. The mix of benevolent, patient Santa with the guy who has been cooped up for a whole year because of unemployment and covid was creative also. We could see all the conspiracy theories and resentment against corporate elites and politicians just bubbling out into the beginnings of a grand theory of everything from behind his mask.

It was also an amusing picture watching him raging at other motorists from inside the safety of his metal and glass bubble while he drove.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nothing major. But maybe you could have made the text a bit bigger and put spaces between the paragraphs for readability.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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327
327
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, AmyJo- only 2 steps behind - . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Bittersweet Memory"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

How was I to know that you would die before I had the chance to say I love you? Can you hear me now?...

*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

I tried to think of this as I would say it and the line breaks did not really seem to fit the natural pauses in the text. Given that you used no commas we only had the line breaks to tell us when there was meant to be a pause. It sounded to me like this:

How was I to know
when there was no warning
That I wouldn't see your face again?
I thought I had [more] all the time
to let you know that I love you
Now I can say it
a hundred times a day
I can only hope you hear me
from the realm you traveled to?
and to that [I want you] to know
[how sorry] I am
so sorry
for not telling you
while you were here

I guess this is quite topical. Two relatives of mine died recently and I regret not having that goodbye conversation with both of them.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

See in the above rewrite.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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328
328
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, Sum1 . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "My Ideas On Writing A Review"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

This is someone who has given a lot of reviews and has received a lot of them also. He offers the rest of us some advice.


*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

So I thought I would test my own review style against your advice.

1) Don't start with an apology.

I start mine with a disclaimer rather than an apology. I grant my reader the freedom to disagree with my comments about their work. I have had some very angry reactions when I have spoken honestly about work I thought was sub-standard but with my disclaimer, I am saying that a writer is free to ignore me. To me, that is about mutual respect. People have written me off and I have proven them wrong time and again. I think everybody should carry the confidence that self-proclaimed experts may not be so.

2) Always say something positive

Fine, there is some wisdom in your words here, that is a positive affirmation of good advice.

3) Provide some substance

I get a lot of fluff reviews. Some of these come with high ratings that make me look good. I also get some very harsh reviews with low ratings which have some substance to them and some which do not. My ideal is an honest review that addresses the content as well as the style of what I have written and shows some active intelligence at work in the reviewer. That is what I try to provide people in my own reviews. Of course, it is the substantial statements and especially the content that gets you in the most trouble. Some of us thrive on that kind of trouble and some of us only want affirmation. I am one of the former not the latter.

4) Use a Template

Tick

5) A rating that reflects the comments

I felt that given the large number of reviews you have received you could have said more here and given us better criteria on how you assess a writer's work. See my own attempt below and the link to the character assessment that is included in it. You chose to write this in a conversational style which might have made it more accessible while sacrificing detailed substance in the process. I broadly agreed with what you wrote, so far as it went. That said there were mechanical errors that sabotaged your right to preach here and dropped your rating.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

draws the authors attention - draws the author's attention

You want the review itself to stand out - space between You and want

including save saving your review so you can come back to it later.

please take [the] time to comment.

The best benefit of providing review to others? - The best benefit of providing reviews to others?


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
329
329
Review of Quick Draw  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, Louis Williams . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Quick Draw"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A man has premonitions and what he draws comes true. He wants to use his gift to do good and he tries to save the woman in the picture by drawing out the scene with a warning...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

This is written in first person perspective as if the author were the artist with the premonitions. We get a brief glimpse of the nameless woman when the artist delivers the message by deliberately bumping into her in the street, She appears there understandably angry, a business professional of some sort.

We are not given any hint of whether the gift of the artist is a proven one. There are no previous examples where he got it right. So is his urge to draw this picture a one-off or is this something he does a lot?

Is such a premonition possible? I know of examples in the Christian world where events have been anticipated prophetically. My Vicar organized an outside prayer meeting before the days of accurate weather forecasts on a rainy day. He said there would be sunshine for the prayer meeting. Everyone turned up in Macs and with umbrellas but the sun came out when the meeting started and went back behind the clouds when it ended. That church grew from 100 to 600 in just ten years. Darkside wise I remember the story of a psychic that told a man he would find his wife in a hotel, with a specific room number with another man at a certain time. He went there and caught his wife in the act. It ended the marriage and left him bitter. The gift had a different fruit. It did not build up faith or love it destroyed these things.

Looking at the gift here, it anticipates catastrophe but the man tries to use it to avert that. It does not point to God but it is not dark side in its motivations. We are not given a hint as to whether the man was successful. I guess if she dies and this picture is found in her purse then the man could become a suspect with modern DNA testing.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

It was a long text, so even though the list below is quite long, I factored that in with the grading.

Catch this mystery woman before its too late - Catch this mystery woman before it's too late

What if she walks right on by while I got my head down busily trying to draw out this gory scene, and completely miss her face. - What if she walks right on by while I got my head down busily trying to draw out this gory scene, and completely miss her face?

'have a good day', - 'have a good day,'

I had to.... - I had to... (Convention is three dots not four)

The streets was were crowded with people. - streets are plural

I should watch were I'm going," - I should watch where I'm going,"


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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330
330
Review of Lexical  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, Sumojo . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Lexical"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A very lexical woman writes a poem about a woman who could write in a variety of styles.

*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

My children learn all the poetical forms here in Germany as a part of their standard curriculum. Though I got an A in English way back when I was sixteen I never remember learning all these things, or maybe I was just asleep in those classes. I have some regrets about that.

Anyway nice to read the work of a word-smith professional at work. The use of the word tongue to describe language could be interpreted as archaic by some. Despite all their poetic training, I wonder if my children would recognize the word.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

6-6-5-7 was your syllable count according to:
https://syllablecounter.net/count


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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331
331
Review of Enjoy  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, Tina Lina Ruby Ray . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Enjoy "  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

An affirmation of hedonism.


*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

The sentiment here is that we should just enjoy life, living out each moment without regard for goals, self-improvement, and any notions of progress.

It is in essence the philosophy of hedonism. But also it is the experience of countless generations of people from primitive cultures around the world who simply lived their lives with no innovations or thought of tomorrow. Were they any the less happy for simply living each moment without regard for the next?

Some ideas of progress, require immense sacrifices. We buy houses we cannot afford and can never live in because we have to work all hours of the day outside of our homes to pay for them. We have families that live in those houses that never see us. Are those sacrifices worth it?

Alternatively, ideas about improvement brought us toilet paper, flushing loos, parasite-free food, a whole host of technologies that help to entertain and inform us, and toys with which we can play. We are more than apes and building pyramids, going to the moon and reaching for the stars is our thing. If I spend the day just living for myself I look back at it with a feeling that it was wasted, it is more enjoyable to have achieved at least something.

Then there is the religious angle that perhaps originally birthed the culture of self-improvement. It took God's call "to be holy because I am holy" seriously and it gave discipline to lives and to the usage of time that allowed for immense progress around the world.

Broadly I disagree with the statement.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nothing major.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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332
332
Review of Rites of Spring  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, 🌕 HuntersMoon . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Rites of Spring"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

The poet describes in admiring detail the beauties of spring, but Ahhhhhchoooo!...

*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

This was awesome and I can find no fault with it. We are now moving into Autumn, followed by Winter here in the Northern Hemisphere. The leaves are turning brown and things are starting to die. It is my least favorite time of the year. But poems like this lift my spirit as I contemplate the Spring that follows. You describe an impressive list of flowers with their colors, beauty, and new life.

Thankfully, I have never suffered from Hayfever but the pills they have these days have been liberating and I know various people whose lives are transformed by these. Still, as you say, in the natural state Spring offers its beauty to you at a price that I have never had to pay.

I guess you won the contest and fully deserved the award icon for this one.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nah, this is HuntersMoon.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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333
333
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, Writer_Mike . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Questionable Matters"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A funny story with a great many questions from a six-year-old to an adult who gets phone calls and is feeling a little stressed.


*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

The inquiring mind of six-year-old Teddy overwhelms Uncle Jeff with questions. He has answers that he struggles to translate into words that Teddy can understand, and the questions and then the phone calls keep coming.

I guess this story is proof positive that men cannot multitask and need women that bake cookies in their lives. I get the impression of a man who is used to doing things in their proper order, one task at a time, and who knows how you get stuff done properly. Being bombarded by random questions unintegrated in a plan or project schema can be very disorientating.

That said Uncle Jeff has his own randomness that he cannot really share with little Teddy. These are the whispered remarks about "that neighborhood" and the "One of us won't forget" comment. He is an adult living in an adult world with phone calls about important things and the child buzzing around him asking questions is almost an irritation. Teddy is sent to the woman who can bake cookies, even though she had not planned that because their interaction appears too stressful for Uncle Jeff.

You actually communicated a lot on 455 words and said some profound things also about men and women, adults and children, and the stress of modern life with all its distractions. I liked this.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

"I'll explain it, after I get off the phone, okay?" - "I'll explain it after I get off the phone, okay?"


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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334
334
Review of TOM CAT  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, Penelope Moonbeam . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "TOM CAT"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A charming story of a cat's bravery against a vicious dog in defense of its owner.


*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

Our cat died last year at about 19-21. We are not entirely sure how old she was as we took her injured from a vet. When we met her she was a very frightened kitty who hid from us. It took a while for my wife to persuade her to come out. We called her Helga (a Viking name) as a joke but because actually, she was so small and cowardly. But there were moments when she proved us wrong like the first time she went out into the garden, scaled a six-foot fence, and then disappeared. She came back to us. Later she would fight other cats but if she saw a dog it was amazing how fast she could run back into the house and safety.

So I found your story about a brave cat standing up for a child against a wild dog a real surprise. It sat oddly with my experience of Helga. But Tom seems like a good name for such a brave cat.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

there was know where to run - there was nowhere to run

Being safe inside the first thing was to find my dad then look out the window to see if Tom were okay. - Being safe inside the first thing was to find my dad, then look out of the window to see if Tom was okay.

We waited for a long time as least it seemed that way - We waited for a long time. At least it seemed that way...

because the dog had bit him there - because the dog had bitten him there

Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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335
335
Review of Re-awakening  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, Angel . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Re-awakening"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience


*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

Excellent word choices skillfully put together. This made me feel like a life waiting in the darkness for the Winter hibernation to end, for the cold snows and ice to pass, and for the brightness of the longer days of Spring and Summer. Everything is in place to erupt into the light.

As we head into a Winter where there are fears about gas supplies here in Europe, this poem is a reminder that Winter ends, Spring comes back and life re-emerges from the darkness. That after the long hibernation of Winter shivering in the cold the warmth and light of Spring returns and life is restored.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nothing major.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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336
336
Review of I walked alone  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello, Prosperous Snow celebrating . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "I walked alone"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Walking alone through cities, fields, and nightmares the poet finally greets the darkness that stalks her like an old 'friend.'

*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

There is a sense of foreboding and fear about the dark that follows you. So the last line sits oddly with the buildup to it. I realize the point of the competition was to include it but you felt stalked by the darkness in the worst of situations and this did not seem conducive to friendship.

Wet cement to me means the concrete has not yet been set. So basically you waded through a construction site. Hot tarmac on roads is the bitumen tarmac that is placed on the surface of roads and would have burnt your shoes and feet away. So I found these word choices a little weird.

I liked this line:

While behind me lightning flashed,
Illuminating fears domain.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nothing major


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
337
337
Review of The Bunny Plague  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)
Hello, Nikola~Loving Her Gracie Girl! . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "The Bunny Plague"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A poetical explanation of why we have suffering in the world. It comes down to rainbow-colored bunnies released from a lead coffin. These now torment us with happiness, love, and hope and we just cannot cope.

*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

This was very funny and quite insightful also, as all good humor is. Sometimes people just cannot endure purity, joy and happiness and it terrifies them that people could shine so brightly. Package all that in a rainbow colored bunny and you have a new secret weopan for the Ukrainian army in their offensive on Kherson. The Russian T-72s will never stand a chance!

Unfortunately there were also a lot of mechanical issues.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

some fellows founds

bunnies hopping [in]to the night

no none understood

nor to comprehend [the] good.

across it[,] they did teem.

In the light[,] they couldn't cope


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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338
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Review of Two Mysteries  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello, Tina Lina Ruby Ray . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Two Mysteries"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A poetical meditation on dreams, perspective, and writing.

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

There were some brilliant lines in this but it did not flow well together and there were some major grammatical mistakes and poor word choices that spoilt it.

The last two paragraphs could be rewritten:

When in a dreamy mood, I will write a thin book. Flames will dance on the cover,
deserts will be pouring sand, and waterfalls will be guarding the sacred place...
Let rage, weakness, and helplessness go away. Angels with spears
will be walking in a circle, protecting a beautiful tree - the Tree of Life.

Law, passion, and meditation disintegrate into tiny grains of sand and are reborn as small sprouts of green. Black spiders of fear scatter. I free my head from cotton balls, in which their future offspring are hidden. Only my convictions are in my head and they don't teach me anything.

Regarding the meaning of what you wrote. It sounded sort of Buddhist to me as if right thinking depended on the annihilation of previous thought forms and the attempt to embrace the immediacy of the moment without filters of fear or darkness. It also borrowed from Judaeo Christian imagery relating to Eden. I found the philosophy unconvincing but loved the poetical flashes of brilliance in this piece.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

As the rewrite above shows, there were innumerable stylistic errors.

We are not immortal. Aren't we? - Or are we?

Just let rage, weakness and helplessness go away . - Just let rage, weakness, and helplessness go away.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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339
339
Review of The House  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Jacky . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "The House"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Purchasing a house can be exhausting. The author is the prospective buyer of a nice house in a nice neighborhood. Nice does not mean perfect and gives some room to knock the price down. But then an unexpected discovery clinches the deal for her...


*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

I found myself nodding along with the shared experience of buying houses. My parents were always buying and selling houses and I have moved five times and even across international boundaries buying and selling my properties. I liked the way you planned to knock down the price.

What you found in the kitchen cupboards was a surprise and made the story. I wondered if that was drug money or just left over by the previous owner who forgot to pass on the secret to his kith and kin. Either way, I hope the buyer got to enjoy her newfound bounty in her retirement.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

some of the things I liked in a couple other houses. - some of the things I liked in a couple of other houses.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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340
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Review of A Short Ride  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Ned . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received {item:} via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

A Roan is a good rodeo horse, not really a pony. Maybe instead of 'pony,' you could have used 'prancer', 'charger', or 'mount.'

This was an amusing poem that taught me something new as I had to look up Roan. I found out that unlike most horses of more solid color their hair grows back solid if they scar, it does not go white.

I was not happy with this line:

From whose back every rider got thrown. - it unseated the rhythm. But was not sure how to combine the theme of every other rider having a similar lack of success.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nothing major.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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341
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Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello, C. Sykes . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Where will you be in the next 20 years?"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

The author is coming up to that 20th anniversary after High School graduation. He remembers two decades of wars, financial crises, and pandemics. he looks forward to meeting those who survived those last two decades.

*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

After twenty years of the Afghan occupation, a great many years in Iraq, also fighting people who were not as grateful to be liberated from tyrants, as many of us thought that they should be. Well after all that the place was just abandoned to the scumbags who had been in charge beforehand. 2008 was a rollercoaster that only went downhill and the pandemic took out three years of many people's lives changing the way we interact with each other. Wrestling with drug companies and banks proved a challenge. This is only a part of the long list of troubles you listed and I found myself amazed at your endurance until I realized I had lived through the same things. It has been a very colorful last few decades. You seem to have more veterans and veteran problems in your class than mine. Also maybe people have not moved around as much as my class did 50% of whom now seem to live abroad, including me. You even included a reference to the cost of living and how the older generation had it so much easier, don't they say the opposite though?

Content-wise I found this a thought-provoking read, but you had a lot of mechanical errors.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

alot - a lot

phenomena - you used the plural when you meant the singular which is phenomenon

So that leads us into the 2008 recession

Miss a payment from you non living wage paycheck and you're a criminal. - Miss a payment from your poverty-line paycheck and you're a criminal.

Oh and the old generations are wonderful why we are floundering. - Oh, and the older generations coped easily so why are we floundering?

things after thing - thing after thing

govt shutdowns - govt. shutdowns

a failed political system,epidemic, pandemic, - a failed political system, epidemic, pandemic,

Currently, Inflation this time around has thrown a curve ball for our family as our savings went staying healthfuly afloat during and post COVID. - Recently inflation has thrown a curve ball at our family as our savings stayed healthy during and after the Covid Pandemic.

Sometimes my behaviors during these scarc-er times - Sometimes my behaviors during these times of scarcity

the great depression - the Great Depression

cyphoning - siphoning

None of this factors in our personal obstacles. - ????

I definitely thought there would be a lot more people alive to look forward to see at my Highschool reunion. - I definitely thought I could look forward to seeing a lot more people alive at my Highschool reunion.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
342
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Review of REALITY  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, Monty . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "REALITY"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

The soldier was shot and recovered from his wounds. Or did he?... Which is the dream and which is the reality?

*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

A soldier is shot in the back and written off as dead, except he wakes up. His wounds carry a permanent cost. Later in civilian life, he never really came back from his wounds and he has lost all concern and is mainly drunk.

The poem describes the difficult problem of reintegration by many veterans after sacrifices for which they were not always fully appreciated. Given the numbers of ex-soldiers with mental health, drug problems, or indeed on the street homeless, this is useful and draws attention to a pressing problem.

Your poem juxtaposes dreams and reality against each other. The war was a dream and the recovery process in your poem. The reality in your poem was a drunk unwilling or unable to face up to the costs of his sacrifice.

However, the reality is in truth the costs of the war, and the dreamer, or rather the one living in denial, is the man who is perpetually drunk. War has a habit of scrabbling ideas about what is real and what is just a dream. But not everything it debunks is mere mythology, surely?


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Good rhythm, consistent rhyming scheme, and considered choice of words. I like the juxtaposition of dreams and reality.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
343
343
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, jonblair . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Star Voyagers: "THE GREY CONSPIRACY""  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

In the near future, a space-faring culture from the earth is in a struggle with the Greys. They have infiltrated mankind with genetic hybrids. The away team from the T’Vahl confronts the evidence of the Greys' crimes against humanity here...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

This theme sounded familiar, so I might have read one of these chapters before. You seem to have borrowed the Star Trek universe for your creative effort with references to the T’Vahl, Star Gazer, and planet Vulcan all being lifted directly from there. The Greys are an interesting enemy with their genetic experiments, they appear to lack the ability to simply take on the Galactic Federation/Fleet and so are doing it by stealth. Sort of like grey Romulans/Vidiians.

The humans overpower this particular Grey Team but need to move fast to avoid any approaching SWAT teams.

The story was entertaining but there are a few things that need correcting.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

The game plan from the beginning has been to infiltrate Earth with your human look-a-like sons-of-bitches so you can take control of the entire planet.

He tightening his grip on the towering extraterrestrial. - tightened

Roberts forearms - Robert's forearms

Possessing strength that at first glance appeared unlikely due to the creature’s slender frame

Regaining consciousness, Lindsey uttered a faint moan. Roberts kneeled, then whispered softly into her ear. “Try not to move, Sarah.” - Is she Lindsey or Sarah? If this is the first name then her full name could have been given earlier for clarity.

Robert or Roberts - both names are used for the star character

she’s pretty shook up.

on stun.” Foxwell ordered - on stun,” Foxwell ordered


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
344
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Review of All in Good Time  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello, 🌕 HuntersMoon . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "All in Good Time"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A book is discovered from the 12th century, but with a cover and English writing that seem out of place. As he reads Jason is taken on a journey through time and space to another world where Porcupines and Cats are the best of friends...


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

Your writing style is exquisite and the descriptions draw the reader into the storyline. I could picture two-meter-tall cats and talking porcupines playing with the threads of the time tapestry. The vision was hypnotic until time broke.

From HG Wells's Time Machine, Dr. Who, Back to the Future to Star Trek's Temporal Agents enforcing the temporal accords the genre of time travel is extensive. I used to enjoy Time Tunnel as a kid where people would go back and fix history. But I have come to believe that it is impossible and that not even God messes with the timeline. We are given each moment as a perishable gift and there are no second chances with time.

The gift described seems personal to the being's experience she goes back in time to see things where she was present. So how Jerome has any knowledge of earth culture and acquired the BFF reference for example is not explained. Is this time travel or a tardis-like ability to move through time and space?

But you somehow save the reader from the implausibility of the theme by framing your story inside a mysterious book discovered by a reader inside your story. You hypnotize them with fine words and then there is that cover. Even Jason, the reader inside your story, wonders if the story is true when he closes the book and goes to check that his parents are still there.

You make implausible fantastic and a really great read.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

connect ion - connection - I thought you were making up some new kind of particle but ions have to do with charge and this would make no sense

scared the crap out me. - scared the crap of out me.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
345
345
Review of THE WILD BIRD  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, hdarling . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "THE WILD BIRD"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A pre-Netflix, pre-social media, pre-technology children's adventure story from the ancient world. It has sleeping bears, wild cats, and big ravens in it. Watch out for cliffs in the forest...


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

Hedya and Chutsuk were children who did their chores, who went outside and spent a day exploring and having adventures. It reminded me of my own childhood when the TV was all we had and not always that interesting. I was out all the time doing sports or exploring with friends.

The names sounded sort of native American so did a local history project motivate this reenactment of what life might have been like?

I liked the way you told the story with a strong narrator voice and the dialog between the two girls. But you could have described things more. The language did not really help to visualize the experience of the two girls. You were missing colors and specific types of flowers, trees, and descriptions of these and the animals, except for the wild cat. I would have to know what each of these looked like already to visualize them.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

However, after a while as they walked - However, after a while, as they walked

they agreed thdy were in an area of the forest - they agreed they were in an area of the forest

They sat under another tree talked about how they might find their way home. - They sat under another tree and talked about how they might find their way home.

surrounded with wildflowers and low bushes. - surrounded by wildflowers and low bushes.

they all went looking for her, and calling her name.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
346
346
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Ms. Brightside . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "The Absence of Sensation"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A teenager reflects on her lack of feelings for others. She mourns the fact that she feels nothing even for those who care about her. Is she just in love with the idea of love? She wants to feel something even if it is a broken heart.

*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

Everyone has their dry times, these times come and go. Mine have often been related to overwork and having just too much to think about. The simplest remedy is to get on with life. Eventually, choices and actions produce their own connections and feelings far better than simple navel-gazing. Praying for people and attempting to write their stories in my head or on paper usually helps me understand them better and feel their situations better. If you listen for anyone's heart song eventually you hear it, even if it is not your kind of music.

I was interested that you associated a lack of emotion for others with sociopathic tendencies. That your craving for feeling, any feeling, could even result in a masochistic celebration of feeling pain or a sadistic like of inflicting it. That to me is symptomatic of your notion of being in love with the idea of love rather than loving anyone in reality. Love to me is choosing to put others first and to affirm them above myself. It involves sacrifices and the feelings come or do not come once you start to make them but do not in themselves define love. The romantic notion of love as a wave of irresistible feelings seems immature and temporary. What endures is a commitment of will, not feeling, and the feelings ebb and flow around that with varying degrees of intensity.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Why can't I be attracted to the ones that want me--that know I exist? - maybe who know (as people are personal)


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
347
347
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, AmyJo- only 2 steps behind - . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Value of Friendship"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A monologue about connection and the importance of friends. Friends help remind us of our worth and the point of it all.

*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

You start with a quote from John Donne a preacher and a poet. This quote is taken from one of his sermons. It is worth considering as a whole because your piece reflects many of its themes.

No man is an island entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main; if a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as well as any manner of thy friends or of thine own were; any man’s death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind. And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.

He suggests that the death of anyone diminishes us all because we are all involved in humankind. You seem to suggest this is a reason for you to carry on when lonely, depressed, or doubting your worth. I guess since Donne was a preacher, and spoke a lot about love, Divine love was also a part of his consideration here. We all have a special dignity, worth, and purpose because of God's consideration of us as well as that of the communities which we inhabit. It is this outward sense of connection that rescues us from our inner darkness and turmoil.

You assessed the value of your friends in terms of their impacts on you and your own psychological wellbeing. Don't they have a value you can discern in themselves? Is the task of seeking out that value and affirming it in others part of what it takes for us to build connections and friendships with others? Maybe a person becomes a true friend when we affirm their value rather than their value to us.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

crazy-go-round called life - crazy merry-go-round

I do need my friends, and I believe that life is the better for having them.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
348
348
Review of The Letter  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, adherrennium. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "The Letter"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Set in damp cold weather with a fading fire, a sleeping cat, father, and mother. A letter on the table that neither of them can read with important news that will change their lives...

*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

I love poems with stories in them. This one describes and sets the scene perfectly. I loved the reference to the glow of the fire in the aging cat's eyes.

The feeling here is of a poor family in a rustic location, quite remote. Adam has been out poaching at night to feed his family which implies desperation in their circumstances. The church is at the heart of their village and the Pastor is the only one who can read there. And now a new tragedy sits on their mantlepiece waiting to be revealed to them.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

so eager to leap, roar or spit - so eager to leap, roar, or spit

Neither Adam or Mary can read. - Neither Adam nor Mary can read.

Pastor not Paster


Thanks for sharing.

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My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
349
349
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello, Exceptional pen . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Technology-driven civilization"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

The author provides a short history of road construction. He takes us on a journey from the first road in Egypt, via the Assyrians, the Romans, and finally the British pioneers of the modern art of road building.

*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

You communicate a fascination for roads here which was quite infectious and had me googling all your references. I never realized Tarmacadam was named after an actual man and I have been misusing the word for years to refer to modern asphalt (Bitumen macadam).

You could present this better and need to work on mechanical errors also. Also, there are some gaps in the content.

There were roads built of logs before roads of stone. Some of these are semi-preserved to this day.

The Royal Road of the Persians is of course of great significance for trade but it was really the Romans that were the first to use roads to cement the unity of their empire. I was impressed with your statistic of 53000 miles of roads. That referred to stone paved roads apparently the full network was even larger. They had their legions building roads in its peacetime mode. In the process, they enabled trade links that have blessed European civilization ever since.

I liked the way you communicated the importance of transportation generally and then focusing on roads specifically.

It was interesting to hear that British engineers were so prominent in the resurgence of roadbuilding in the modern era. Telford and Macadam seem to have established the principles of the modern era. Add in use of canals and the railways and the development of sea traffic and the British were pioneers across the board in the transportation field.

I guess the modern attempt by the Chinese to build their silk road network is also of interest. Also attempts to use plastic on road surfacing is a recent innovation. I wonder also if the advent of tunneling through mountains has added value to existing road networks by shortening distances.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

I was especially interested in this section which I will use as an example of errors in the writing style here:

This Roman roads was composed of a graded soil foundation topped by four courses
A bedding of sand or mortal
Rows of large and flat stones
A thin layer of gravel mixed with lime
A thin surface of flint like lava

The roads were about 3 to 5 feet thick and has variable width from 8 to 35 feet, but 12 to 24 feet was the average width for the main road.

You have mixed singular and plural in the same reference:
This Roman roads was - These Roman roads were

Mortal is a human. Mortar is what the Romans mixed with sand for their roads.

You could have used bullet points to make the section look and read better and thereby also removed the pronouns.

You have mixed your tenses:
The roads were about 3 to 5 feet thick and has variable width from 8 to 35 feet, but 12 to 24 feet was the average width for the main road. -
The roads were about 3-5 feet thick and had a variable width of 8-35 feet, but 12-24 feet was the average width for the main road.

When referring to technical dimensions numbers are fine otherwise write numbers under ten out.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
350
350
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Charley . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Seven Stages of WdC critique"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

An amusing account of the seven stages of WDC critique. On receiving a bad review we pass through shock/denial, Pain/guilt, Anger/bargaining, Depression/reflection/loneliness, the upward turn, reconstruction, and then acceptance/hope.

How do you handle bad reviews?


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

So you took the seven stages of grief and applied them to writing. Nicely done and an entertaining read.

I have given a couple of thousand reviews on this sight and I could remember incidents from each of these stages from my feedback.

Some people bargain for a better grade, they rewrite the piece and demand you look at it again. One guy told me how important he was in the real world and suggested I needed to stop telling him that his writing still needed work however rich and powerful he was out there. One guy got so angry he started "reviewing" all my work giving me really bad grades but not engaging with any of the stories nor really understanding them, I had to block him because it got so bad. Some stop writing altogether and those are the ones that depress me most, I never want to kill the desire for writing just give honest feedback...

Anyway, I think you have to come here with a desire to improve rather than simply parade your writings. Honest reflection is helpful feedback and pieces should be revised and improved. Sometimes works are really there and need affirmation and award but these are rare, not commonplace. I awarded one such piece this morning by Bikerider who is a published author and a Vietnam veteran.

Homecoming  (13+)
A soldier returns home from war and meets his son. 2022 Quills winner.
#2276308 by Bikerider


This is a helpful reflection on how to handle criticism. It would be so much easier if we could skip most of these stages though and just get on with it.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS- - lose the " and the -

6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH- Inconsistent use of numbering. The first five phases were not numbered.


Thanks for sharing.

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