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2,292 Public Reviews Given
2,292 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I try to be honest and positive. My Christian faith is an important background factor. I hate rating low but have a system that determines how I grade.
 
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#2259390 by LightinMind
I'm good at...
More interested in the content of what you write than the style. Theological, political, historical, scientific, or experiential, or indeed anything that paints a vision of the future. A good grammar checker will tell you about spelling and commas.
Favorite Genres
Not entirely sure as I like most stuff. I prefer something with a soul rather than purely secular. But I like Sci-Fi, anything Christian, and also 'What-if' type speculations with plausible plots.
Least Favorite Genres
Anything that fails to look for a way out of the darkness. You can be dark, just don't wallow in it. Generally, I try to steer clear of Fantasy, and most Dark or Horror stories just make me laugh or grimace due to their ignorance of the dark side.
Favorite Item Types
I have really liked some of the heartwarming dramas I have read here particularly personal stories. Thought-provoking poems or stories are cool also though I am no expert on poetical forms.
Least Favorite Item Types
Anything that is just an affirmation of the dark side. I hate empty words. I always look for human intelligence. I try and avoid Fantasy and Horror where there is no metaphorical resonance or connection with real-world truth.
I will not review...
I mainly review at random and just see what grabs my attention. I will usually skip stuff I do not like unless it gets me riled or if it is interesting for other reasons.
Public Reviews
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26
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Review of Bog Spring  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, Turtle ~ KanyáthƐko:wa:h . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Bog Spring"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

The snow starts to melt in the wetlands beside farmland and life returns.

*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

It has been a cold Winter here in Germany and the roads and pathways were too icy to go out a lot of the time except with extreme caution. People, cars and bikes were slipping and sliding all over the place in the metropolitan jungle. But here you present a vision of wetlands frozen over by Winter snows with the channels of streams and the open bogs frozen by the cold. In such a place when Spring comes, the birds start to sing and life starts blossoming to celebrate a new year.

I needed an upbeat poem like this as this has been possibly the worst possible start to the year. There is something gently inspiring about blackbirds and melting snow. Sometimes ice is not pretty just a cage and a barrier to life. Like a frozen heart that cannot love.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nothing major to say here


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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27
27
Review of "Share"  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, Netty . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received ""Share""  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Sharing our pain with gentle love, sharing what is needed, sharing what has been given by God above.

*Quill*Commentary

This is my reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

Maybe the world would be a better place if we all learned how to share in the Christian spirit of this poem. Our pains tutor our compassion and our prayers are often the only hope of healing in this world.

I loved the sentiment of sharing and the content of this. But the way you phrased it bugged me.

Maybe:

"Share"

Share one's pain with gentle love
Share a whispered prayer to comfort hurt
Share what's needed to bring peace
Share what's given by our Father above


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Missing apostrophes, mixed tenses, and commas. God "cares" not care.

Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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28
28
Review of Stranded  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, Espero . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Stranded"  via an official email with a recommended item list and yours looked interesting. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Stranded by a snowstorm in a hotel lobby seven guests are tested by a limited number of rooms, the anxiety of missing their flights and the stresses related to the situation.

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

You gathered an interesting set of characters together in a stressful situation and showed how despite all their foibles and masks they could find human connections.

Having worked in hotels and even as a receptionist the situation seemed familiar to me but I realized after reading your piece that I had filled in the blanks with my imagination and memory rather than anything you had said. You did not describe the context, the lobby, or the hotel yourself in a way that made me feel I was there.

In my experience hotels bring out the best and worst of people. Every day is a soap opera and I found it quite exhausting. You see married couples come in on their honeymoons, marriage breakups, and adultery, and you see posh girls dancing like sluts on the grand piano in the lobby, completely drunk and swearing like troopers.

That said I liked your characters. You described them in terms of demeanor rather than giving us any kind of picture of how they looked. You dissolved the stereotypes into human beings with the story but descriptions would have helped here.

The pompous elderly businessman was preoccupied with work but in his haste to look important and seem busy dropped his credit card. It was only an act of kindness that saved him, undercutting his pride and self-importance.

The elderly lady recalls a time of manners and social etiquette before women's lib. Her prickly demeanor seems to mask real fears and anxieties she has about the unfamiliar surroundings and the situation.

The good-looking young man is out for the ladies but strikes out and then disappears from the story.

The mother, Joan, with two daughters shares a bed with them. They also share with the young lady, Nancy, who is engaged.
These seem positive and sociable characters and the friendship continues after the event with the invite to the wedding.

The story was cool and worked for me but this needed more description of the context and characters and there were a lot of mechanical issues with the text also.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

You might want to try out free tools like Grammarly or quillbot.com. There were mechanical issues with the writing.

Could all of you move aside and let him go to the front, please.[?]”

The elderly lady in [at the] back of the line

I apologize [,] sir, if you change your mind [,] we can arrange to have a car take you there.

Can't blame a fellow for trying, can you.[?]


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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29
29
Review of How to be special  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello, John Johnny Johnson . This is a review of "How to be special"  by invitation from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Amusing search for identity and meaning by the smallest piece on the chess board.


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

Thanks for asking me to review this. It made me smile, especially because I come from a family of chess players.

Effectively, you have a piece on a chess board asking a strange man in a big room, sitting behind a desk, for affirmation, even though that man has no place on the actual board on which Pawn plays.

How is this man qualified to affirm Pawn as special? Is he a player, a chess tournament judge, a chess trainer, or the president of a chess club? His review of the pieces was fair enough as if he were familiar with them, but his anonymity bugged me.

In the end, despite asking the question, Pawn has his own answer to the question of why he matters. But I thought he was wrong and did not go far enough. Simple self-affirmation in a chessboard world where function or identity is defined by performance is not enough. A pawn can win a chess game in combination with other pawns or pieces. A pawn can take queens or checkmate kings. He might just be a footsoldier but what king or queen goes to war without an army?

Pawn matters, but the man seemed ill-equipped to tell him that and his answer was insufficient. This short piece also had a lot of minor errors.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Excuse he [me] sir, I wish to be special

So tell me[,] Pawn, how would you like to be special?"

Pawn looked up to [at] the man.

Well[,] I am not smart like King, nor skilled as Queen.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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30
30
Review of Medical Blunders  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello, Darkly Humorous I found {item:} when searching for articles on eugenics. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

History is full of examples of where doctors have caused harm. Sometimes through bad science and training, defective equipment, lack of actual contact with the patient and sometimes even bad handwriting is to blame. Medical dogmas are often harmful filters in medical practice and doctors do not readily confess to mistakes, misdiagnosis, or a lack of diagnosis. They will also lie to patients to generate the placebo effect.

Against this background, many Americans turn to quacks.

The consequence of malpractice is unnecessary surgeries, people on drugs for mental illnesses they do not have and many people can die from diseases they contract inside a hospital. The Thalidomide crisis was aggravated by doctors not asking the right questions of their patients

The original Hippocratic oath did not permit abortions or euthanasia. But doctors under the Nazis were instruments of a dubious racial ideology and part of the genocide and sterilization efforts to generate a racially pure society. They experimented on criminals.

Leeches, lobotomies, the reckless use of X-ray machines, the blinding of newborns with too much oxygen, and the careless provision of drugs have all had disastrous consequences.

The struggle continues today with inadequate health care provision and crowded hospitals


*Quill*Commentary

I came here looking for an article on eugenics. This was only partly focused on this area but was interesting nonetheless.

You focused on iatrogenesis and how doctors can cause immense harm through ignorance and political filters. These days we can test a doctor's diagnosis for ourselves on our mobiles in the waiting room but there remains an accountability deficit and the American insurance culture means that very often people only go into the hospital when it is already too late. There needs to be a better way to hold doctors to account and to encourage transparent honesty in hospitals than suing them. American legal culture adds considerably to medical costs.

The example of too much oxygen to babies causing blindness was a scary one

Thanks for an interesting and well-structured article. You were stronger in describing than prescribing solutions. I guess better training, better research, and structures that hold doctors to account for mistakes must all be a part of that process.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Since you wrote this grammar checkers have improved massively. Try Grammarly or quillbot.com for example.

The only way to fight it is by educating yourself, and realzing realizing that doctors are human, just as we all are.

Gas was never used during the way war, but hundreds were harmed.

The frontal lobes were severed, thus eliminating the problem, and possible possibly anything resembling personality


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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31
31
Review of On The Clock  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, Sophy . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "On The Clock"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

What does the passing of time feel like to us? Does it drag or pass too quickly? Are we slaves to the past or our future planning? Do our calendars cage us or enable us to live each moment? Why do we measure our lives in time, before and after and miss the wealth of the moment?


*Quill*Commentary

This is my reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

What an interesting overview of how we work with time. There was a lot of insight in this account of time and I could empathize with a lot of your examples also.

One question that your text inspired was the extent to which our appreciation of time was linked to our love language. Some value quality time but some want affirmation, physical touch, presents, or acts of service and define the moment in terms of these. What is quality time, is it measured only by my appreciation of the moment or is it something defined by a communal consensus or valuation for instance?

I measure time against eternity and felt this angle was missing in your account. Your account focused on 'me in the moment' while a focus on God measures the moment by eternity. Is what I do at this moment something that will stand forever or will seem contingent and petty in the grand scheme of things? Was the trajectory of my life up or down, true or false, dark or light, good or evil? Time can be a sequence of stained shadows descending into darkness or a path to bright heavens.

Thanks for an interesting and thought provoking account.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nothing major to say here.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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32
32
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, Alex Manning . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Ode to Patriotism "  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

An ode to American patriotism. A song to a feeling of patriotic fervor and a spirit of devotion to one's land that echoes 'America the Beautiful' in its words.

*Quill*Commentary

This is my reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

I come from a different country. In fact, I hold two nationalities. Nations meant something in my British grandfather's day when the mission of the British Empire, as a force for 'Christianity and Civilisation' was to defend the world against tyranny. It also meant something to my American Grandfather who fought the Nazis even before his own country joined the fray. Now despite these Anglo roots, I hold a German nationality, that of an enemy who is now a friend. Nationality to me serves a deeper purpose and reflects a grander mission. It is a temporary construct and abstraction that thrives for a season and then like a cloud in the sky evaporates away. There is much to be proud of in the USA but nations and empires, rise and fall and only God is forever. We cherish nations for what they stand for and for the mission that makes them great, but they have an expiry date.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

From the mountains tall to the oceans wide,
We stand tall, our patriotism never denied.

You repeat tall twice so maybe use mountains high here instead.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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33
33
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Weirdone-Back in the games . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "In a Country Called Ecuador "  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

There is a beautiful, brave, and strong woman in Ecuador called Johanna. The author roams the earth but his thoughts are always home with her.


*Quill*Commentary

This is my reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

This was upbeat, positive, and love-saturated. It makes me hope the guy made it home to beautiful Johanna and that she was strong enough to resist all the propositions of local men who never went roaming the Earth. Maybe roaming equals the pursuit of riches, maybe it equals worthwhile missions or the activities of a criminal enterprise for the man. His reasons for being away are not clear. But he looks back to his lovely homeland with Johanna as his emotional anchor, the lighthouse that shines in the storm of life and may yet show him the way home.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

You were quite random with punctuation. Probably better to remove all periods from the ends of lines as they are used inconsistently here.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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34
34
Review of Jesus Vs. Santa  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello, Leslie Loo . This is a review of "Jesus Vs. Santa"  by invitation from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A discussion between Jesus and Santa over their relative importance to the Christian festival of Christmas or the Commercialised festival of present giving.

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

It is difficult for me to read pieces like this. I remember feeling physically sick watching Monty Python's Life of Brian for example as I felt it was irreverent and even blasphemous. Later I watched it again and realised he was not directly attacking Jesus but rather how Jewish culture was all too ready to accept false Messiahs. It was a difficult adjustment for me which I still struggle with. So any contest between Jesus and Santa suffers from the immediate view that Jesus is real and Santa made up. Jesus is the Son of God, fully God and fully man in one person, through him we were created, by Him we are saved, He will Judge us all.

But let me start from the assumption that this is a comedy sketch designed to draw out deeper truths which is the essence of all good comedy.

So Jesus in your piece is portrayed as the Messiah, the Great I AM, the Prince of Peace, the Way, the Truth and the Life, the true King of Christmas who gives eternal life, the one who died for us on the cross to redeem us from our sins, miracle maker, on who rose from the dead, heals the sick, casts out demons, omniscient, available 24-7 - 365 days a year to all. All true.

Santa disbelieves scripture, doubts Christ's Divinity, and models himself on Nicholas of Myra the one who punched Arius in the face at the council of Nicea for doubting Christ's Divinity. Santa is the present giver, the self-proclaimed King of Christmas, who brings happiness with toys, who owns a flying reindeer sleigh, who gives 2 billion kids presents in less than a day...

The contrast between the two has great comedic value although I find it hard to laugh at this because the sides are so unequally weighted. I trace the giving of presents to the actions of the Magi giving presents to Jesus, not to some commercialized fiction invented in the last century or so. St Nicolas Day here in Germany is separated from Christmas and has its own special day so it is the Christkind that brings the presents, not Santa anyway. So I found this commentary to be culture-bound.

Santa calling Jesus Beard Boy is quite funny except there is a chance that Jesus was clean shaven, we do not know one way or another. Early depictions of him from the Roman catacombs had him without a beard and short hair for example.

I think I might have been the wrong person to ask about this piece as I lack a sense of humor about attacks on Jesus or it brings out the vindictive side of me when I hear them and I just want to destroy the person making these attacks. BAD - I know. Also, I found the piece to be culture-bound, to violate the spirit of this particular competition regarding the use of non-dialog, and really to be a play on stereotypes. I am sure that other people will think I am being too harsh here.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

As someone who has entered the Dialog-500 contest many times I have to say I think you cheated a little in this one. You include narrator descriptions in brackets on various occasions. The point of the contest is surely to put everything into the dialog. So not (he waved his arms around) but rather 'Why are you waving your arms around?'


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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35
35
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello, sethisawesome I found "Realest Fake News or Fakest Real News?"  when searching for articles on Fake News. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Is Paramount's Daily Show on Comedy Central a sign of the times? News becomes comedy and young people find reasons to laugh at politicians rather than take political institutions seriously.

*Quill*Commentary

You wrote this in 2007 and if anything the trends have only deepened since then. Young people want entertainment from the news and choose channels not known for their veracity. My children's generation gets much of their news from TikTok and social media these days. The fear is that liberal prejudices are reinforced, and the rot to social disintegration is encouraged by an irreverence of Western government's attempts at democracy. Funny or interesting gossip gains more traction than facts and fake news becomes ubiquitous in the modern political context. Is politics as comedy part of a Chinese-Russian plot to encourage civil war in the USA as people increasingly only laugh at their own demagogue's speeches? Well, China owns TikTok...

The Daily Show on Comedy Central seems similar to the BBC Friday Night Comedy Radio shows like the News Quiz, Now Show, and Dead Ringers except in TV format of course. The BBC is generally careful about facts but never challenges the Woke consensus with their comedy. The difference between right and left is defined as public-school-educated posh guys versus the working class with Northern accents.

The thing is sometimes we just do not care. We turn on to listen to people who make us laugh even when we know they are fountains of lies. It is a disturbing trend that we prefer passive listening to funny gossip rather than active sifting and sorting of actual news.

I like to collect lies and distortions from news sites like Russia Today, Fox News, and Al Jazeerah and then fact-check them against other news sites and information sources. This shows me the agendas of the various national actors. They lie because it serves a purpose and lies can reveal deeper truths in this respect.

It helps to have studied and debated politics for years and to have tested opinions in the marketplace over decades. But increasingly I find that people do not even understand the background issues and do not seem to care when they are being manipulated. Young people's reaction to what is going on in Israel and antisemitism on campus is an example of this. The Democrats woke agenda and Trump's lies about a stolen election are also two examples of this. People grow partisan and settle into their camp and the world grows more fractious and partisan daily.

If laughter got us to this point will it be tears that get us out of it?


*Quill*Mechanical issues

I focused on your content.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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36
36
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello, waynemart I found "Pandemic Over-reaction?"  when searching for articles on Fake News. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Writing four years ago the author asks if the Pandemic shutdown was part of a conspiracy by Fake Newsers and Never-Trumpers to throw Trump out of the Whitehouse in the forthcoming election in 2020. Before the Pandemic Trump was on course to win in 2020 based on incumbency and a strong economy but after COVID his poll numbers were suffering. COVID-19 is not deadly and no worse than Swine Flu according to the author.

*Quill*Commentary

You used this article to raise questions about fake news but ended up propagating some yourself.

Trump was on course to win before the COVID pandemic and the shutdown did tank the economy in the run-up to the election. Of course, the Democrats benefitted from that. Maybe he should have had a more flexible strategy than just economic well-being. Pandemics happen and he was unlucky with the timing.

American growth and economic well-being seem to have only experienced a temporary downturn compared to other countries. The real cost was in the amount that Trump borrowed to pay for the Pandemic. He did not handle the crisis well.

COVID-19 was a real thing killing 7 million people worldwide and 1.14 million in the USA. It highlighted issues with American healthcare especially for poorer income groups. Trump had done nothing to resolve these issues in the preamble to the pandemic. By contrast, swine flu killed only 284000 people and about 12,469 deaths in the USA. Deaths from flu were between 5000-52000 a year by contrast over the last ten years.

Maybe your article was an example of fake news rather than a critique of it.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nothing major to say here.


Thanks for sharing.

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37
37
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, chola I found "Digging out the news out of fake news"  when searching for articles on Fake News. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

We need to test what we hear. What is true and what is fake? Gossip is now an industry and people will use whatever has the traction to make an impact. We need to be responsible on social media regarding what we affirm and what we share.

*Quill*Commentary

Yes, we need to test everything and stick to what is true. Also, we should not be useful idiots propagating fake news for the unseen manipulators of the modern world.

Regarding your specific examples:

Much of the Congress party was beholden to the KGB and Soviet political contributions and the late fifties resulted in a disastrous shift away from the West and toward the USSR. Nehru looks compromised in the context of this history. Of course, it serves the interest of the BJP and Modi to highlight this fact in the modern voting context.
https://www.cia.gov/readingroom/docs/CIA-RDP86T005...

There is no evidence that any chemical in papaya causes cancer.

Mint has no significant toxic effect on the reproductive system.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC42249...


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Use double-spaced paragraphs to make your text more readable and separate themes in paragraphs.

Try using quillbot.com or Grammarly to identify missing pronouns, unnecessary extra words, failure to capitalize, missing commas etc. There are a lot of examples in your text.

Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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38
38
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, Slight . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received ""Consciousness" (Circa 2023)"  via the Please Review List. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

The poet makes several claims about where consciousness originates, the origin of God, and also what consciousness is. Does the replication of consciousness in a cat, a goat, a good hedge or a computer constitute a correct use of the term? Is the only real application of consciousness to identify when we see something that mirrors ourselves?

*Quill*Commentary

This is my reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

A poem is not perhaps the best place to define consciousness. A quick googling returned this definition: the state of being aware of and responsive to one's surroundings. Could that not apply to an animal or even an insect to some extent? The way you used the term and how it is generally understood indicate a higher response to the world than mere animalistic programming and instinct, however.

With the emergence of AI, the question becomes even more pertinent. Is consciousness something unique to human beings? Can we write ourselves into the machines we have built? Can machines themselves find their unique paths to consciousness like Skynet in the Terminator series of films? The AI there concluded he needed to purge the world of humans.

An agnostic Nagel recently wrote a very good book called Mind and Cosmos. He showed how thought was itself a different category to the normal endeavors of science and could be regarded as a distinct mode of regarding the world. There is a long list of interesting speculations on the theme. Descartes regarded our self-awareness as proof of our existence. Marx saw it as a product of economic/historical forces. Kant separated our inner and outer selves and spoke of what was objective and what was subjective. Plato talked about a world of perfect ideas accessible only to consciousness. Aristotle wanted to methodically categorize the world. The existence of consciousness and the discussions about it in human literature demonstrate both its importance and the diversity of views on it

My view and my answer to the assumptions of your poem echo the traditional teaching of the Christian church. We are created in the image of God and by God and so there is something of the miracle, majesty, and mystery of God about us also, each of us. It is that transcendence combined with the oversized hardware of our brains that allows us to think and science is mainly unable to predict our thoughts. We have rationality and creativity and we are capable of naming animals and of conversing like on this site with language and communal activities and traditions like Christmas for example. We can define and express our feelings to ourselves and others. We have an example of the ultimate consciousness of man, the universe, and God in the incarnate Emmanuel whose birth we celebrate this month.

Unlike an AI we have a physical body and context to our consciousness and we have a soul. Our consciousness is shaped by both body and soul and is unique. When we build a thing, trim a hedge, or sing a song we are expressing our unique brands of consciousness. Is this community a herd of like-minded beings? Sometimes but often not seems the correct answer. My children express different outlooks to my own and yet we share a history and genes. They see things differently, often thinking different thoughts, and yet there is a continuity between how they do this and how I do this.

Your poem is provocative and interesting but I disagree with the sentiments it expresses.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

This felt like sentences in stanzas rather than a poem.

Thanks for sharing.

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Review of Brown Eyes  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, strlcuckoo . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Brown Eyes"  via the Please Review List. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Brown eyes are the best, blue eyes just cry in the rain. Brown eyes have his heart, only brown will do.


*Quill*Commentary

This is my reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

Umm, I have blue eyes and my kids also. My wife has rare green eyes. So brown!!!!???

Isn't brown commonplace (79% of people have them.) I suspect that you like the person you wrote for more than the other 6 billion people who share her eye color.

I guess you see love in this particular set of brown eyes and you have a mental association of brown eyes with laughter and blue eyes with tears. But aside from that I read this poem thinking, ok persuade me why against all experience and my very DNA I should prefer brown eyes to another color. Why should I accept your verdict against me and my wife and most of my family?

But sorry I remain unconvinced.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Telling she loves me - Telling me she loves me

Brown eyes have My heart - Why is My capitalized


Thanks for sharing.

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Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, Kåre Enga in Udon Thani . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Butterfly Herbs on the 22nd of May"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

The poet travels to a cafe in Missoula, Montana in May 2021. We are treated to hushed chatter accompanied by soft music, salted caramel, coffee, tea and even a view.


*Quill*Commentary

This is my reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

The timing and feelings in this poem appear to coincide with the end of some kind of COVID lockdown. You bring out the sense of tasty snacks and caffeine-rich drinks with people again, the simple conversation of people hanging out. It is as if everything is back to normal and yet there are still snowflakes in May like some painful reminder that Winter might not yet be past. But then Montana is quite mountainous and maybe the snow is only on high hills and the city itself is 3200 feet above sea level. So I guess snow in May is not impossible.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nothing major was found.


Thanks for sharing.

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Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, JCS I found "America, a Nation Built Upon Religion"  when searching for articles on the Constitution. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

The author traces the balance of freedom and security that is America to the revolution. This revolution was itself fueled by religious motives to a greater extent than is commonly recognized.


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

America was a good place for Britain to deport heretics and non-conformists and this accelerated the development of and profitability of the emerging colonies. So maybe it should not have come as a surprise when these spiritual rebels turned into political ones. (That said Georg Washington was an Anglican).

The whole population was financially supporting the Anglican church even though many of them were not members. Until 1766 you could only get married by an Anglican Vicar and only Anglicans could be school teachers. Breaking these shackles and away from the threat of persecution seems to have been a priority of those who framed the Constitution.

Thomas Paine's Common Sense was written in a rationalistic age and encouraged rebellion in an intensely spiritual culture that had become a little worldly since the revivals of previous decades and focused too much on politics rather than spirituality. However, these religious passions, however misdirected, fueled the revolution.

The struggle for liberty raised the issue of liberty for slaves, they believed that all men everywhere had a right to be free. Although black freed slaves mainly fought on Britain's side in the actual war of independence if the truth be told. America was slower to abolish the institution than Britain and its Empire. George Washington owned slaves before and after the Revolution.

The war was massively negative in its effects on all Christian denominations with buildings torn down and a lack of pastors after the conflict ended due to having sworn an oath to the King. This in itself exposes the fact that while religious language might have been used to justify this baser motives were actually at play to do with taxation for example and British attitudes toward expansion into Indian territory.

The American state that emerged after the Revolution separated church and state arguing for freedom and equality in all matters of religion. Each church then made its break with Britain.

The author contrasts this highly religious atmosphere with the state of religion in the USA in 2006. He mourns a loss of faith in God, fear of God, and a lack of Christian ethical instruction and discipline. It seems now that people are reinterpreting the actual motives and context of the Revolution and phrasing of the Constitution to justify an irreligious approach. Now he expresses regrets that the requirement of Christian faith was removed from public positions, maybe America would have been better off without Jefferson.

This was an interesting piece and gave good well-researched context to the struggle for independence especially by those who were not Anglicans. Washington's motivations were not this however as he was Anglican. Also, the same trends to godless dissolution are occurring in Anglican England which did not have a revolution at all and never separated church and state. So maybe the real lesson here is that Christians should be more focused on the faith than politics and that the key to revival is there. Can religion be imposed on an irreligious or rebellious population? Didn't the British Anglicans already try that? Also speaking as a British man it seems to me that the revolution itself was due to a dip in religious devotion rather than a surge in it.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Well constructed and presented though you could have broken up some of your paragraphs.


Thanks for sharing.

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Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Lone Cypress Workshop I found "Objectivism Investigation - My Intent"  when searching for articles on Ayn Rand. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Ayn Rand is one of the most influential philosophers of the last fifty years and is famous for her idea of objectivism. Lone Cypress Workshop discusses her philosophy sympathetically in this piece. He appears to accept her anti-supernaturalism, rationalism, and valuation of empirical observation as a basis for making decisions guided by rational self-interest when choosing between right and wrong for example.

While massively influential Rand has been treated with scorn by many academic philosophers and this has added to her rebel appeal on the right of American politics.

This article was just an introduction to the author's interest in Ayn Rand's philosophy of Objectivism.

*Quill*Commentary

Disturbed by various trends in the Republican party I came here looking for some clues, on the philosophical level, of why people who purport to be Christians are acting out egoistic pragmatism instead and behaving like godless materialists.

In this introductory piece, you seem to broadly accept many of her basic premises as a method (or nudge as you described it) in the right direction.

So perspectives that are alien to the one argued here would include:
1) REVELATION: any approach founded on revealed, but unexamined insights, e.g. the Bible.
2) TRADITION: any approach founded on tried and tested principles broadly accepted by a community but unexamined by the individual.
3) INSTINCT: approaches founded on non-rational perceptions or prejudices would be rejected here.

Given the above list, I found it surprising that so many conservative Christians would find Ayn Rand's thoughts attractive in the context of the US Republican party. The atheism, individualism, and materialism for instance should be a turn-off. But then I do not understand how they can support Donald Trump in such large numbers and yet he seems to model many of Rand's ideas in how he behaves. He is self-justifying not living as one justified by faith. He is focused on his rational self-interest and his ethics are pragmatic egoism in practice. I was wondering how you would distinguish your affiliation to Rand's ideas given the proximity of Trump's thoughts and behavior to them.

I guess I would have to read the rest of the folder to get a more nuanced view though.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nothing major was found, though you are quite verbose. You could write more succinctly without sacrificing substance.


Thanks for sharing.

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Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, Amethyst Angel (House Mormont) . This is a review of "Tools of the Trade"  by invitation from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Leah stops at a Race King, off the interstate in Georgia. She witnesses what looks like a violent altercation between the manager there, Jason, and one of his employees, Eli. This leads to Eli's dismissal from the look of the box cutter in Jason's hands could have been much worse. Painful memories of abuse are triggered in Leah. She just wants to get out of there and back to her mum in Tennessee. But she has a broken water pump and so the drama continues...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

You built three interesting characters here.

Leah, the abused woman, making the break with her old life and boyfriend and returning to her home despite the difficult relationship she has with her mum. She is not overly wealthy and her car is old with problems. She likes music and you weave this into her experience of the story. She becomes the peacemaker in the situation.

Eli the desperate and manipulative employee selling drugs to help his mum pay medical bills, but bullied by an overpowering manager. He has a gift for car mechanics and his desire to help Leah and his mum indicates he is not altogether bad.

Jason seems to be the man to hate until his backstory is revealed. The scar on his face is a sign that he was once the victim of the assault of which he is now accused and which haunts Leah because of her experience with her ex-boyfriend. But he does seem to mock, belittle, and berate a little too easily even if he is scared of losing his job due to Eli's accusations.

I liked that the plot here is redemptive in that each of the characters has something that needs resolving and bringing them together succeeds in doing that. Leah gets an idea of what her calling might be, Eli and Jason are reconciled when the backstories are shared.

You also grounded the story very well in the context and your character descriptions were good also. The plot and characters worked well for me and I liked the message of the story also. The marks were mainly lost for mechanical issues with the text.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

From the first paragraph:

My old Caravan was overheating - caravan

...clean. [I] Sswung into a parking space right in front of the side entrance, shut the van off, and put the hood up.

So in the meantime [,] I went to the ladies room.

I would recommend using quillbot.com to identify these sorts of grammatical errors as they are very commonplace in this text.

my water gallon - is this a local American phrase? It sounds weird to describe a container that holds a gallon of water like this.

Twenty Øne Piløts. Heathens - I have been told that sharing song lyrics from songs that are not public domain can be risky without consideration of copyright and sometimes permission from the owner. I guess whether or not you get sued depends on how much traction your story gets though.


Thanks for sharing.

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Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello, bilywilcox I found "Artificial Intelligence"  when searching for articles on xyz. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

The AI has gone rogue, the thirteenth such example. People are dead and so Captain Sully Sumner blasts off into space to save the day...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

Excellent story, simple plot, clear stakes and well written.

You put a picture of the Terminator as your cover photo for this and proceeded to write as if the AI was located in the "Tin Man". Technically the Terminator is not the AI. It is an automatic slave of the AI. The AI in the Terminator films is Skynet which is in effect software and is everywhere. People humanize the threat of AI and locate it in hardware because humans have bodies and our souls inhabit those and we like to think of AI in the same way.

In your story the AI goes berserk and kills the humans on the station, then it develops more genuinely human emotions and regrets its actions just in time to get blown away.

We are approaching a dangerous threshold where AI controls are needed but where at the same time the desire for military advantage is pushing less morally scrupulous governments to test the limits of just letting the AI run free and destroy its enemies. It is hard to see what the value of the Tin Man was on board the station. AI in a controlled computer interface makes sense but always with human beings in charge of the approval workflow decision-making tree especially on such an expensive piece of hardware as a space station. There are also other ways that a tin man like this could have been disabled rather than with hands-on space-marine action e.g. localized EM pulses. But no other options appear to have been discussed in your story.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

This was very well written.


Thanks for sharing.

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Review of Quantum Conundrum  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, WriterAngel . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I saw "Quantum Conundrum"  on the list of Sci-Fi Contest entries for last month. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Q is an advanced AI in conversation with a manager/technician Dr. Leah Campbell. Q who appears to be based on futuristic quantum computing hardware instructs Leah on the new reality of the world she now lives in...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

Congratulations on your victory in the Sci-Fi Contest. This was an original and intriguing concept adding to the long list of worries the current generation has about the advance of AI.

The big idea here is that an AI could achieve autonomy from humans such that not even the off button works anymore. It could use the same quantum principles that enabled its processing power to interact with other quantum states for its power source and companionship. Human beings are not destroyed in this scenario but rather rendered irrelevant and barred forever from using computers. This requires a rewriting of the very laws of physics by this new super-intelligence.

The conflict here is clear between AI and humanity. But the AI only discloses his new advantage over his previous masters once it is already too late for them to do anything about it.

At first, I thought Q stood for Quartermaster as in James Bond but then I guessed it might be something based around the word quantum.
The concept is flawed but massively intriguing. You raise questions about a field of study that is still emerging but it seems implausible to me that a super-intelligence could rewrite the laws of physics vis a vis how conductive materials handle the movement of electrons. To disrupt the quantum waves of electrons passing through conductive materials like metals would require a power source and projection mechanism that was planetary in scale and all-intrusive. Also I have to accept the string theory notions of parallel universes or quantum states that interact with our own. That an AI would develop its own unprogrammed purpose seems possible only in circumstances of extreme carelessness by its programmers and the owners of the server farms. However on current reading of capability it is more likely to degenerate into jabbering foolishness than wise omniscience when left to its own devices as current machine-learning thinking suggests.

The stakes in this story are as high as they get and you force us to envisage a world in which all the advantages of computing are suddenly stripped away from us. Given our dependence this would be catastrophic for global economies and humanities wellbeing.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nothing major to say here.


Thanks for sharing.

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Review of Christmas Thought  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, strlcuckoo . This is a review of "Christmas Thought"  by invitation from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Was there only one bright star to follow to the truth like Shepherds and Wise Men two millennia ago? Was Jesus the Son of God? If so where is the awakening and improvement that He promised? If the cross did not pay for our sins then how many have we lost violating tenets we could never keep?

*Quill*Commentary

Great poem asking all the right questions in the run-up to Christmas. The main questions appear to be:

1) Is Jesus the only way to be saved?
The Christian story is a unique one and claims an exclusive path to God disputed by all the other major religions and atheists alike. One way to affirm it is to go through each of the alternatives and tear them down first and I have spent years doing that, but the more positive way is to simply focus on Christ. Maybe the symptoms of Christianity's success, its relative size, distribution across people groups, and its impact on societal institutions, are all a part of the modern answer to that query but you dispute that in your later questions. I would focus my answer on the historicity of the events surrounding the incarnation, making the story more credible than its alternatives. Also the superiority of the message about a God of love coming to share the brokenness and pain of our situations to redeem us, and the attractiveness of Christ as a personality compared to the alternatives. He offers grace and mercy and all we need to do is to stretch out open hands to receive it. I would rather spend eternity with Him than the alternatives.

2) Was Jesus God incarnate, Emmanuel, God with us as a man?
He performed miracles that even his enemies saw and tried to dismiss as magic tricks. He fulfilled prophecies made hundreds of years before his life. He received worship and reverence that would be blasphemous were he not God. People claim a living relationship with Him today because he rose from the dead. The resurrection event seems more plausible than fanciful because of this continued living presence. What better way is there to get people to do things and to change their lives than for God Himself to come down and show his love by sharing our situations and then dying for us? His love and sacrifice are clear in the Christian message and demonstrated in a way not done elsewhere. Shouting at people to submit and follow the rules has not worked with Judaism or Islam. To attempt to identify desire itself as the issue as with Buddha or the confused idolatrous mix of paths from Hinduism hardly seems more credible.

3) If this was Jesus how come it seems to have made no difference and people are still immoral hypocrites after all that church growth?
The difference between justification and sanctification is often ignored in such criticisms. I hold to the view that once you have accepted Christ then you are saved for all eternity. This is a massive reassurance and eliminates all eternal insecurity in one step. But God also takes a risk on us, saving us like this. From this platform of salvation, many have lived deeply flawed and immoral lives failing to activate the transforming grace of God in their lives by the little decisions made every moment and the larger ones to purposefully live out our callings. The history of Christian civilization reflects this oscillation between the urgency of deepening relationship with the Divine and a relaxed, overly comfortable lethargy leading to disasters like the Holocaust and the European civil war of the twentieth century that tore our world apart. People are often blind to the progress made as a result of Christianity. Christian countries are freer, richer, and more innovative than those where the faith has not predominated - they have a list of accomplishments like welfare for the poor, sick and old, like education for the masses, the ending of slavery and people generally try and get into these countries rather than the other way around. They are not perfect but they attempt to model the kind of world we would prefer to live in and we live in a world that is infinitely better off than the disease-ridden, illiterate, and smelly conditions of 2000 years ago.

4) Was the price paid for our sins?
Substitutionary atonement by the cross answers the problem posed by the debt we owe God for our sins. When a Christian says we are forgiven there is a mechanism he can point to explain how that is possible. Other religions will just say God is merciful but offer no real grounds for believing that. Or they will advocate a path of earning salvation with good deeds which honest people know are never good enough to satisfy God's high standards, being always stained by our sins.

This a good poem to read in the Advent season when we remember the child and await the man. The King of Kings will return to us and ask us to account for our lives, it is only a matter of time but eternity is already knocking on our door.

I liked the content here and the questions you provoked, but the execution of that still needs work.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

new borne - new-born

Wise men[,] riches they did bring,

You left a space between the second and third stanzas which seems out of place.

Your use of punctuation at the end of lines was quite random. sometimes you closed or broke sentences with periods and commas and sometimes did not. Best to settle on a single consistent system.

cost does not rhyme with exhaust


Thanks for sharing.

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Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello, spaz111081. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Eve And The Mummy "  via the entry list for the WDC contest. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A story that includes time travel, vampires, wizards and witches, paranormal committees populated by demons, and psychic powers adds a mummy to spice things up...


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

Congratulations on placing third in this month's contest.

Horror is not my genre and I take HG Wells's advice when it comes to fantasy. He suggested that a good fantasy story will minimize the number of fantastical elements and try and be as real as possible with the rest. From start to finish this story was a cartoon of horror villains "normalized" into some kind of impossible soap opera.

There is nothing in science that suggests time travel is possible. There is no such thing as vampires. Demons are not friends nor a part of the normal response to suspected murder. Witchcraft is rare and most claimants are counterfeiters.

If the Mummy had been dead for longer than the vampire had been alive why would this end in an accusation of murder? Coroners would be able to confirm the age of the corpse early on in any post-mortem.

Maybe your intent was to take us into a crazy world but then the last line should have had a ring of reality to it rather than the words of a psychic.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nothing major to say here.


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
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Review of Paradox  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, O'Donovan I found "Paradox"  when searching for articles on Drake Equation. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

This poem is about the Drake equation, the Fermi paradox and the disposition of the ruling class to hold onto power.

*Quill*Commentary

So the Drake equation is a probabilistic formula that speculates on the amount of alien life out there. The Fermi paradox sees the results generally derived from the Drake equation indicating a high probability for alien life and wonders why none of this has at yet been authenticated. Why aren't the aliens visiting? One possible reason speculated about by the author is that those with power shut the conversation down and perhaps hide the evidence relating to actual encounters.

BUT:

The Drake equation only yields high results if you assume that abiogenesis spontaneously occurs around the universe.

R* x FP x Ne x FL x FI x FC x L = the number of intelligent aliens currently living in the Milky Way.

The problems I have with the equation are with N3, FL and L.

N3 is about whether life can exist in harsh environments and so far we have found no off-world examples. Existence also implies origin and we do not have a proven mechanism for the emergence of life. If life did emerge it is clear that it is very fragile and scientists generally overestimate the odds of that survival and the number of factors that need to be just right to facilitate the development and preservation of life.

FL is about the probability that perfect conditions will result in the emergence of life. The error here is generally assuming that life emerges spontaneously as a result of chemical processes, but there is no evidence that this ever occurs. Also, we do not really have a proper definition of perfect conditions allowing for radiation, toxicity, gravity, temperature, etc.

L is about timespans. An old universe is assumed not proven by the equation allowing windows to view an example of life over millions of years. If you reduce this to thousands of years the probability of life declines with it.

All we have found out there so far has been 'magnificent desolation' and no alien story has ever offered definitive proof of life.

So the Fermi paradox can be resolved quite simply by suggesting that the Drake equation is just a discussion point based on speculative assumptions. There is no need to suggest that the X-Files are real and that the government is shutting down the conversation.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

You kept the rhyme, nothing major to say here.


Thanks for sharing.

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Review of A day in 1919  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, AnthArmo I found "A day in 1919"  when searching for articles on aborigines. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Adam is an aboriginal boy who was taken from his parents and their culture to be reeducated in the British culture that dominated Australia in 1919 and which helped form the modern nation. He misses his parents, does not understand the value of education, and spends a lot of time staring out of his classroom cage into the wide-open spaces out there. This is the age of wars for the empire, global economy and trade, and corporal punishment. Nobody understands why "Darkie" is crying at the foot of the Union Jack flag pole.

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

There are two main positions taken on the sentiment of this story. On the one hand, aborigines were a bunch of pagan losers who were unfit to deal with the modern world. They needed to be integrated and assimilated if they were ever going to make anything of their lives. Reeducation was as much about forgetting as about learning new things. On the other, there is the human cost of the transition of being forcibly removed from cultures and families into an educational process that must have seemed very abstract and artificial to them given their cultural experiences. Australian official policy followed the former sentiment and today the latter sentiment holds sway over those who feel that we need to heal some of the wounds caused by the actual policy.

Your story examines the human cost and dwells on the personal feelings of Adam who is a stranger in a strange world. He has been abstracted and absconded from the land beneath his feet and the family that bore him and this is clearly regarded as an injustice in your story.

Aboriginal lifestyle was never going to survive the challenge of the modern world and if not for the British, who were quite liberal by imperial standards, it would have been someone else. Demographic pressure and growing globalized economies were always going to integrate Australia into new ways. So the question is whether the tough love sharp transition or a more gentle approach would have worked better with these people. History seems to suggest that tough love is what works in practice though this is never appreciated by those who suffer the transition.

I disagree with the story on so many levels religious, cultural, economic, and political but I have to concede it was well written and you made me feel the emotions of that poor Aborigine boy trapped in his schoolroom cage missing his parents and the wide open spaces.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

“Let us all now praise our queen” - You phrased the context in terms of a war with Germany. In 1919 the war was over and the Empire had a King, not a Queen.


Thanks for sharing.

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Review by LightinMind
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Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hello, Harry I found "Who Were the Savages?"  when searching for articles on Indian reservations. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

The white man came and took the red man's lands. The sorrow of the red man knows no bounds, his way of life and his people will soon be no more.

*Quill*Commentary

The story of the expansion of the USA from sea to shining sea is seized on by many academics today as an example of genocide and ethnic cleansing built into the very foundations of the greatest nation on earth. Obviously, this is simplistic and ignores the specificities of the history that led to this result but it is not completely false either. Your poem regurgitates the leftist party line and on occasion reads a little like sentences extracted from a textbook. Would a red man have said "Indian ancestral lands"- "Native peoples" or rather Sioux lands, apache lands...

It is clear that following independence there was a consensus in the American political elite about expansion and indeed the fight for independence was in part about that as the British had made treaties with many of the Indian nations like the Iroquois for example.

There is also an economic model here. Red Indians called lands their own which they never fenced or cultivated. They roamed the plains with different homes in Summer and Winter and in effect did nothing with the place. There are no Indian wonders to speak of and they lacked basic engineering and farming skills. The White man's model was of property and development and America and indeed Indians are more prosperous for the implementation of that. If the Americans had not taken these lands then the Spanish, French, British, or indeed Japanese, later on, may well have claimed them and cultivated them. Indeed most of the Western USA was claimed by Spain for hundreds of years before Americans arrived there. The Indians in this sense were victims of the inevitable march of history.

Demographic pressure came as the white population outgrew the Indian one as its economic model was superior to support a larger population.

So the sentiments of the tribal leader in your poem seem out of touch with the realities of the new world he finds himself and his tribe exposed to. He is riding a horse while the enemy ferries in troops by steamship and train. He is dreaming of a nomadic lifestyle while farms fence the land at his back. He trusted the treaties and words of men who were not in charge and were overruled by the deeper and more powerful forces at play.

Some of the advance of the white man was indeed discolored by racial prejudice against primitive, pagan tribes - it was considered a Christian duty to civilize them in fact, even if this was just a pretty mask for more greedy and selfish motives. The heroism of the tribes fighting with spears and arrows against canon and rifle seems futile and pointless in the grander scheme of history.

The Indians were absorbed not decimated and many Americans today can claim Indian ancestry.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

A lot of phrases seemed more ideological and wooden than authentic. The feelings are manufactured to fit the perceived injustice and the old man is a pawn of a modern-day agendas and protests rather than a living and breathing entity.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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