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2,292 Public Reviews Given
2,292 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I try to be honest and positive. My Christian faith is an important background factor. I hate rating low but have a system that determines how I grade.
 
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#2259390 by LightinMind
I'm good at...
More interested in the content of what you write than the style. Theological, political, historical, scientific, or experiential, or indeed anything that paints a vision of the future. A good grammar checker will tell you about spelling and commas.
Favorite Genres
Not entirely sure as I like most stuff. I prefer something with a soul rather than purely secular. But I like Sci-Fi, anything Christian, and also 'What-if' type speculations with plausible plots.
Least Favorite Genres
Anything that fails to look for a way out of the darkness. You can be dark, just don't wallow in it. Generally, I try to steer clear of Fantasy, and most Dark or Horror stories just make me laugh or grimace due to their ignorance of the dark side.
Favorite Item Types
I have really liked some of the heartwarming dramas I have read here particularly personal stories. Thought-provoking poems or stories are cool also though I am no expert on poetical forms.
Least Favorite Item Types
Anything that is just an affirmation of the dark side. I hate empty words. I always look for human intelligence. I try and avoid Fantasy and Horror where there is no metaphorical resonance or connection with real-world truth.
I will not review...
I mainly review at random and just see what grabs my attention. I will usually skip stuff I do not like unless it gets me riled or if it is interesting for other reasons.
Public Reviews
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101
101
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello, bob county . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Wyoming State House Bill 85 "  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Wyoming House Bill 85 from 2012 planned for the breakup of the USA. The anticipated reason for this breakup is the rise of the national debt.


*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

When I read this I wondered if you had made it up so I googled and found plans for Wyoming to buy an aircraft carrier and fighter jets in this planning. This is a real thing!!!

US national debt is bad but historically and globally speaking quite manageable. You have to set debt against assets and the US is rich in those. Japan has a debt ratio of more than twice that of the USA. So I do not believe that will be the reason in the foreseeable future.

A more likely reason for a breakdown in the Federal Government a decade later that this was written would be political partisanship erupting into civil war. Agitators and demagogues like Trump ignoring the results of legitimate elections and supporting insurrectionists does not bode well for the Federal Republic and especially if he is reelected in 2024. There is also the rise of China to consider. China is organizing BRIC countries into a block opposing American hegemony. The collapse of that hegemony would also lead to the loss of the considerable economic and trading advantages it brings the US and major global instability also. Both these threats can be managed but require the American people to show wisdom.

Speaking from Europe it seems to me that the Western alliance has kept the peace for more than 75 years and the breakup of this into national units would usher in an era of instability we have not experienced since WW2.

For an individual state like Wyoming to plan independence seems ludicrous to me given its relative size and economic clout inside the USA. It would be quickly overwhelmed by larger actors in practice.

I found this piece unconvincing for the rationale argued and it lacked anything like an overall political perspective.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

You might want to check out quillbot.com. You have a lot of errors with commas for example.


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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102
102
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, Kåre Enga in Udon Thani . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Speak soft my name"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

His name surges from the depths of the earth with a pent-up passion toward the sky, gulping in the waters, racing toward the shore. Terrifying he rises, a giant wave and then recedes. His life was just hours long yet over now, his thirst quenched.

*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

This could be an earthquake-induced tsunami or a description of surging passions requited in a final release onto the shore of some beautiful beach. Who names a wave unless they are not talking about waves at all?

Anyway, you already know this was a great poem and everybody else seems to agree on that.

The poem made me think of Atlantic rollers off the Cornish coast. I did not realize how much I miss the simple pleasure of diving through them or indeed of watching them from the cliff tops. I would never name a wave unless it was the kind that broke the seawall and flooded the town. I would never speak the name of such a wave softly as it would not be a pleasant memory.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Work of a master.


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
103
103
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello, Than Pence . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Walking on Thin Ice"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

It's winter and the lake is frozen. A mother and boy are walking beside the lake. The boy decides to play a mean trick on his mother and throws her purse to the center of the lake. She demands he retrieve it. But as he starts out on the ice it begins to crack beneath his weight...

*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

This poem was not short of provocative themes. There is the tension between mother and son. There is the 'will he won't he break the ice' tension. There is the philosophical juxtaposition of life and mammon with the choice between the boy's life and the retrieval of the purse.

I liked the ending, he survives but does not survive his mean trick on his mother. There are consequences but the one we all feared while reading the poem. I wonder what she did to provoke this nastiness. Was she too materialistic? Was the bag an expensive one illustrating her love of money and brand names?


*Quill*Mechanical issues

You did it all with an engaging rhyme.

It might have been better to leave punctuation off the end of sentences. The punctuation did not really make sense with missing commas or full stops.


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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104
104
Review of Gemini  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
Hello, Jaeff | KBtW of the Free Folk . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Gemini"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Angels and demons are as bad as each other in the war for your soul. Both revel in the chaos and pandemonium created by their struggle. Both lie and victimize in the name of justice and the conflict between them tears your soul apart.


*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

There were so many false assumptions in this poem that I do not know where to begin.

In this, everything is a psychological projection of a tormented soul. But good and evil are just as bad as each other. There is no admission that angels actually exist here but their profile is misused. The suggestion is made that angels lie which is laughable for anyone who knows angels, at least the biblical versions. There is the suggestion that angels do not care which again illustrates a profound ignorance of their ministry to human beings.

What you actually describe here is a man given over to the dark side and led by its version of reality to victimize unjustly, to self-sabotage and to keep himself in a constant state of turmoil and stress


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Variable syllable counts and tonal rhythm. The semblance of a structure with four stanzas seemed irrelevant and was only semi-justified by the content. There was a random rhyme - devil and chaos do not rhyme for instance nor sit and way but lies and despise, around and found do.


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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105
105
Review of Comfort  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Edified Ronin . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Comfort"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

There's a comfort in death because everyone goes quiet and the ones who cared especially so. It is like a system update that takes a little time a paralyses communications while the computer is down.

*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

I liked the analogy with a computer update that paralyzes a computer until it is complete. Losing someone important requires a major realignment of a lot of internal structures, mechanisms and processes. A major realignment needs to reoccur because a significant object of inputs and outputs assumed by the old system no longer exists.

What I did not understand is why the silence, while this realignment reoccurred, could be considered comforting. Is it comforting because you realize that a person matters and their dignity as a person in your life is somehow respected by the moment we take to adjust? Or is it comforting because it shows that love is real at least in some people, the ones not chattering incessantly at the wake?

I take comfort in the fact that those who died lived a life worth remembering and I take comfort in my religious beliefs about what happens to them after death, well at least with the good ones. The image of a bunch of black-clad mourners staring at each other in silence while sipping drinks is not that comforting really.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

You speak conversantly but there are some grammar rules that apply even then. I would recommend quillbot.com. The first two sentences illustrate what I mean.

There’s a comfort in death.

When someone dies everyone gets real quiet. ä When someone dies, everyone gets real quiet.




Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
106
106
Review of My Wishful Hope  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, anamc.poet. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "My Wishful Hope"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

If we could get along and work together through all the pains of this life then maybe the world would be a better place.


*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

I liked this semi-poetic prose form as it was easy to read. I wondered if you could read this rapper-style. Rap is after all a kind of social critique that hopes for justice and a better world.

Maybe we are all a little blinded by our stresses and petty conflicts, turning to fight each other a little too glibly. If only we had the strength to bite our lips and step back a moment. If only our eyes were open to the real brokenness and wounds all around us. Knowing our own inability to heal all these hurts and fix all these problems should drive the best of us to our knees, to pray and love the world the only way that we can giving it to God of love and mercy who can make a difference.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

in stress - stressed


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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107
107
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Mary Ann MCPhedran . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received " [OT On A Sumer's Day GIVE100}Stat 85"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

The sun is shining and two lovers walk down an avenue of trees holding hands in a gentle breeze. Their eyes are shining and love is in the air.

*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

Sometimes the simplest poems are the best. The rhyme was a little random and the tonal lengths were all of out sync but I liked the theme and it warmed my heart. Maybe love is also a little like that, it has its own rhythm and its own syllable counts. Most of us can recall such moments and they always make us smile.



*Quill*Mechanical issues

Not sure why you bothered with the full stops when you were using no commas. This was more Freeverse than structured.


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
108
108
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, Allen Mitchell . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "When am I? (Writer's Cramp 9/1/23 entry)"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

David Martindale, captain of the Brigantine Armitage voyaging from Lisbon to Southampton is blown off course and arrives in a strange new world where the rebels won...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

Very engaging plot. There is no attempt to justify the rationale for the quantum leap through time scientifically here. It seems to be witchcraft but the real horror story is waking up in a world where the British have lost their hardwon North American Empire. The advantage of the show v tell approach here is that you never have to explain the details of why your story makes sense. A person can get away with that in a short story like this though.

The prevailing wind direction across the Atlantic at that Latitude is Eastward so I was surprised he woke up on the wrong side of the Atlantic, but it did make for an entertaining story.

I liked the way you used the ball bearing as a way of tying together two times and making the journey between them seem somehow an act of saving the day.

In modern America, with no skills or insurance, or proper welfare provision what are the chances that this man will simply end up a homeless vagrant on the streets?


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nothing major.


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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109
109
Review of The Gen X Shuffle  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello, winklett in the woods . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "The Gen X Shuffle"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A Genuine Gen-X'er takes us on a tour of 1980s music. Her choices included Boy George, Peter Gabriel, Bob Marley, Beastie Boys, Pink Floyd, Eminem and other "wuss rock" as her eighteen-year-old cousin puts it.


*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

As a Gen-X'er myself I found this trip down memory lane interesting but also painful. I was a total mess regarding music in the eighties rejecting just about all your choices preferring Iron Maiden and singing Bruce Springsteen, Born in the USA in Wembley stadium in 1984. Though maybe there is an overlap with Pink Floyds - "We don't need no education." A little ironic since I spent the entire decade in education and was born in the UK. For some reason, I still remember the entire soundtrack of the original Top Gun.

Boy George was a weirdo that the cool kids liked but I was a jock and a nerd and cool was not my thing. Many of the other songs you chose were also songs the cool kids discussed.

Eye of the Tiger, high adrenalin Rambo and Rocky soundtracks were more my thing as I always had a restless soul to tire out and energy to bleed away in endless sport. Maybe this is also girls v boys here though. Your cousin makes a surprisingly astute comment for a Gen Y'er, "wuss rock" - I will have to remember that one.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

You had an engaging style and despite my mockery of your choices, I found this an entertaining read.


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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110
110
Review of African Princess  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, iKïyå§ama-House Targaryen . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I got this "African Princess"  via a search on the subject of slavery. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

An African Princess enslaved by greedy white men in big ships and shipped to America. It was all about greed. But even in her reduced circumstances, she will always be a princess, no one take that dignity away from her


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

My conviction is that all people were created with equal dignity regardless of whether they were born a princess. Slavery in its transAtlantic forms was a form of barbarism that Western society repented of more than 150 years ago.

The experience of slavery was awful for a great many people and especially in those early years. Most slaves were captured by the inland Muslim African tribes, as they had been for centuries and indeed continued to be long after the white man abolished the trade for Arab markets. Indeed Muslim pirates from North Africa enslaved more than a million white people in their time. Slavery was multiracial. The African slaves were sold on to white traders in coastal outposts and transported to the European empires. The Portuguese and the British were the biggest white traders though the British also abolished and helped to eradicate the trade after 1807 as they finally started living out a Christian faith that had previously only applied to the white people of Christendom.

I was interested to read Nigel Biggar's excellent new book, Colonialism. He talks of how Muslims enslaved about 17 million people and Europeans only 12 million. But it was African tribes that mainly did the initial capture usually in tribal wars which before slavery would have resulted in a simple slaughter of the losing side. It is hard to think of slavery as progress but it was better than death.

Of course, if you listen to the chatter in modern universities you might be forgiven for thinking that only white people ever had slaves. In fact, they came late to it and helped end it at great economic cost to themselves.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

It was well written, I have just had my fill of Black Lives Matter propaganda on this and the distorted view of history they present, especially coming from Europe where slavery has not been an issue for nearly two centuries

Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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111
111
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Prosperous Snow celebrating . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Praising God's Names"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A rainbow and a musical gathering to celebrate God, everywhere with a trillion names.


*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

I am aggressively persistent in claiming the rainbow for Christians as a symbol of the promise that God made at the Noahic covenant so I was pleased to see this in your poem. Though you did convert it into a picture of inclusivity crossing rift valleys between sects. God may have a trillion names but humanity's tally for referring to him more likely runs in the thousands. There has to be some consistency and limits or people do not know who you are talking about. Also many names does he actually like by which we have referred to Him?

I guess this is one of the differences between Christian and Hindu, where do the boundaries between plurality and moral relativism lie?

There was a Monophysite blurring of the boundaries between matter and spirit or was that pantheism?


*Quill*Mechanical issues

I had to look up what a Hendecasyllabic poem was. Wasn't it meant to have 11 syllables a line? According to https://syllablecounter.net/ that is not the case


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
112
112
Review of The dragon's den  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, DragonPrince . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "The dragon's den"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Sir Tostig arrives on a horse to fight a deadly dragon that has stolen some precious coins. Harald his helper from the village supplies him with a special weapon and he sets off to the dragon's lair...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

Sir Tostig seems like a chivalrous knight who does not fight for gold but rather as an act of self-sacrifice to save others. That he is successful appears to be in part because his horse joined the fight with him. Would a horse that was not loved and cared for have done such a thing? The overall impression is of a very attractive character.

Harald seems to have set limits to courage, he will fight to the death to defend the village but not risk his life to eliminate the source of the problem, though he does offer help to Tostig.

The plot is quite a well-known one with a knight killing a dragon. It has echoes of the lone gunman, Clint Eastward type figure, who comes into a Wild West town and kills all the bad guys before walking off into the night.

I like stories like this because I think men of my age grew up with these kinds of dreams of adventure, killing a monster to save the woman we love and yet not for the sake of personal enrichment or fame. Maybe this was a product of the fears of the Cold War, I have my theories. BUt younger people today do not have these dreams, or at least very few that I have spoken to.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

His eyes glinted with malice as he vowed to make the intruder regret ever leaving his lair. - The dragon is glinting and Tostig is the intruder and stands his ground, so maybe you meant regret ever entering.


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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113
113
Review of Dreamer  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello, Beholden . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Dreamer"  via the entry list for the WDC contest. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Adèle waited a long time for the man of her dreams. When she met him in her hometown, having been away for some years, she was already in her forties. Little did she know about the secret that had been keeping him awake...


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

Congratulations on your victory in the contest.

Adèle is of that age where passion has been replaced with a more gentle conviction about what she wants. She finds it returning to her hometown in a familiar eating place. The conversation with Will is natural and the reader kind of expects them to get together. The twist is in the revelations about Will and the ending.

The only oddity I found here was that you claimed she was just visiting on business but then later claimed she had an apartment and a long-term position in the town. So maybe it would have been better to state that she had returned to her hometown with the company she had worked with all those years.

I liked the idea that our dreams keep us awake and that having goals and purpose expressed in a bucket list may have value for longevity. If only Will's vision had encompassed more infinite and eternal purposes.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nothing major was found.


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
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My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
114
114
Review of Writing  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Kotaro . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Writing"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Writing flings the world away and allows us to roam a world of monsters and treasures. It might not be real and yet in the dreams and nightmares that we create we can find a friend.

*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

You portray writing as some kind of escape here where the rules of reality are suspended and we can navigate an unlimited universe of our dreams and nightmares.

I see it more as a complementary realm to the real world in which truths and perspective, beauty and ugliness that we might have missed with our senses can be explored more deeply. Writing is therapy and it adds perspective. Our stories open eyes and unlock chains giving new freedoms to thought and feeling. With writing, we can wonder as we wander and exercise our imaginations climbing to the heights and falling to the depths of the human experience and in worship even beyond it. Writing breaks stone idols, melts ice, cries tears of joy and bleeds all over our pages. It is joy and pain, love and fear, light and dark. Writing makes us more real because it opens our eyes to see what is right in front of our faces in a brand-new way.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

You kept a consistent rhyming scheme and made good word choices. I felt this line was a little ambiguous:

Yet, I shake to make the deal.


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
115
115
Review of I never Knew  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Scarypotato-doing bettertoday . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "I never Knew"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Love and loss, joy and pain are linked when the open road reaches a place where dreams are denied.

*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

Those who love deeply mourn deeply. Those who laughed and rejoiced from the bottom of their very souls feel the pain of loss from the same place. In that happy place above all pain and concern, we see in wonder all around us. In the devastation of the wasteland when all is lost we remember those who are gone now. Love is all, whether by presence or absence. We did not know that we could ride the rollercoaster between the two extremes before we took the journey.

I liked the sentiment of the poem.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Because this is a juxtaposition between two extremes, that is meant to mirror the light of the first stanza with the dark of the second I felt the rhyming scheme needed to be symmetrical also. You start with an ab cd rhyming scheme which you abandoned in the second stanza. Also, this is three sentences, not one long one so a full-stop after each stanza.


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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116
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Review of Samurai  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello, Kotaro . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Samurai"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A samari in training, Taka Wakameda, is on his way to his sensei, Ogi Shintaro. In a piece saturated with Japanese tradition, the author tells a story of confronting bandits and learning lessons. But will Kiyomi lose her husband today?...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

I was fascinated with the use of names here. Japanese names are [surname] [firstname]. So the teacher was called Ogi-san but never Shintaro-san reflecting his seniority in the respect hierarchy. But given the senior-junior relationship, the sensei can use the student's first name. Is the honorific '-san' appropriate here though since he uses the first name to address his student? Should it have been '-kun' or would that only be used with a child? I realize Wakameda was married to Kiyomi, so an adult, but it seems he is still treated as a child by his master, who is superior in wisdom and swordsmanship also.

Kiyomi is in many ways a heroine of this piece with her selfless consideration and concern for her husband. Her example contrasts markedly with modern feminist thinking but even Westerners might understand her love and devotion.

I think that if I were Nobumasa I would have been more worried about Ogi-san than Taka since Ogi seemed to know him and that implied some kind of relationship, so he should have recognized him. But I get your point about a soldier that has already made his peace with death being more scary than one who is afraid to die.

This piece was sensitive to Japanese culture and even scenery (the references to cherry blossoms). That a Samari could live off painting pictures on scrolls and by his sword seems odd in comparison to the modern world where most people are literate and the sword is no longer the weapon of choice for a warrior. That Nobumasa could speak so freely in the name of his Lord Nagumo seemed odd to me as it implied a culture of bullying and banditry that was permitted by the highest authority.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

pray the sword master Ogi-san likes my attempts at art. - missing commas round Ogi-san

Since you wrote this quillbot.com and Grammarly have both given extra tools for identifying missing commas and other grammatical issues. There were some issues.

Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
117
117
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hello, Anna Marie Carlson . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "A Symmetrical Waterfall"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A symmetrical waterfall is viewed as a glistening, perfect, wonderful, majestic, attention-grabbing, amazing, magical, and purifying experience by the author...


*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

The poem communicates a lot of enthusiasm for the waterfall without really describing it. There is a proliferation of positive adjectives and adverbs here and yet I was unable to visualize the waterfall from the words shared. I get that it is symmetrical and there is a hill but then there are otters in the water which I assume refers to a lake of some sort at the foot or top of the waterfall. If you can look for gold coins in it is it majestically large or quite small?

The piece was more like worship of a natural phenomenon than descriptive of the actual experience of the waterfall to me. The oversized words and hyperbole did not help me experience the waterfall, they just told me that you had a great time with it.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

I was not sure if this was a translation from another language as the rhythm and feel of the words did not sound English.

In the water goes the otters, - Either: In the water go the otters,
OR In the water, the otters,

A symmetrical waterfall is at its growth. - at its peak? Otherwise, this does not make sense.

The transformation that exuberantly launches yourself [you] into orbit

Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
118
118
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, 🌕 HuntersMoon . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "A Rose by Any Other Name ..."  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A man picks up a scantily clad woman close to midnight. When it comes to business he pulls a knife. Is Rose her real name?...


*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

Rose appears like the reapers of lore to be on a timetable. She looks like a woman of the night but she is in fact far more dangerous than that.

The man is never named and appears to be looking for sex but then he draws a knife. He appears as a man conflicted between lust and doing the right thing.

I thought death was meant to collect the souls from newly dysfunctional bodies not actively kill the people whom it reaps. The implication of this story is that he dies for his hypocritical self-righteousness in lusting after her and then attempting to kill her as some kind of abomination.

Anyway, very well-written and engaging piece.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

she could see the anguish in [on] his face.


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
119
119
Review of Timing  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Jacky . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Timing"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Sam is about to discover his new bike in the garage. Mom and Dad are watching for the moment when he does. It went past the door four times before going in. Mom was confident enough about the timing that she did the dishes while waiting. Then came the magic...


*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

This reminded me of Christmas and birthdays with my own kids. It was a wholesome and funny story.

I felt that Mom really cheated with her "magic words" but this did not detract from the amusement factor. Though it did raise issues of parental discipline since he disobeyed a direct request. That said I guess this is the way to play teenagers a lot of the time.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Sam was tooling around the block on his new bike, - fooling around?


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
120
120
Review of Haircut  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, QueenNormaJeanGreeneggs&vegham . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Haircut"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A woman, Marge, with long hair is caught in a storm on her way to the hairdressers. She arrives soaking wet and waits for Brooke to cut her hair, while Carly cleans up the mess she made dripping on the counter...


*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

This was funny. The end was the sort of face-saving comment someone might make sitting all bedraggled in a beauty salon waiting to be prettified.

I wondered how she was going to make it home without her new hairstyle being completely wrecked. Or do haircuts last longer in the US than the average storm?

The image of birds flying backward and rain falling sideways in the wind worked for me.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

the thingies that hold up the umbrella - ribs, stretchers, shaft?


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
121
121
Review of Love  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hello, Oluwatomisin . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Love"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

My love is like a red Summer rose, my pretty girl is beautiful, and he will always love her even until the sea goes dry and the rocks fry in the sun. But he is going on a trip and will be back soon.

*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

If I compare my love to a red rose I can think both of the beauty of a flower in full bloom and thorns that prick and tear. I kind of wondered why it was "newly created in June." Our first rose bloomed in May and we have one in the back that is still going strong in mid-August. The rose bushes themselves are well-established and years old.

Some women like the implication of youth implied by the word girl and I guess it depends on how you say the word and the affection present in the relationship. But I rarely get away with calling women girls these days and people are so easily offended. It can sound like a put-down, suggesting male seniority and superiority. More paternal than lover-like.

You repeated the theme of the sea drying up and also appear to envisage a sort of expansion of the sun into Earth's orbit kind of end to life on Earth. Personally, I think it will be all over long before that but then we have eternity beyond. So apparently the love you describe only lasts about 4 billion years.

You appear to be contemplating a trip to the other side of the world but you are coming straight back. While away you could call her also. Do you call her your only lover to divert from fears of what you might get up to on the other side of the world?


*Quill*Mechanical issues

You are inconsistent in the use of capitals and especially at the beginning of lines and even new sentences. "my Love" would mainly be in lowercase.


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
122
122
Review of Vision of Love  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, Bill Kamen . This is a review of "Vision of Love"  by invitation from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A girl on the beach proves to be much more than just another pretty face. A story of spiritual redemption guided by an angel of love.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CWlYO68abyg


*Quill*Commentary

This is the second time you have asked to review this poem/song. But most of it reads exactly the same so I am a little puzzled.

The difference with this time is the youtube. You could really pull this off. The song sounded better sung than the lyrics did when read.

The music is fabulous and you have an incredible voice but the lyrics are still too much. You sing like country but you are reading Pilgrims Progress to people in your music. To make the song work it needs to be shorter and the lyrics snappier. The country theme is great ( I love country/folk songs) in that you can tell a story with it even a spiritual one like this but there are limits to how much a country audience can absorb from a single song and I think you need to dumb this down if those are the people you are singing to.

I like the chorus and the theme of a pretty girl whose in fact the angel of love. The voyage through a storm that ends in a rainbow also works. Jettisoning your sins into the deep ocean and being washed clean also works. But can you say this in shorter stanzas with fewer syllables? Can you do this without sacrificing substance? That is the challenge here.

So for example:

Killin' time, sippin' beer in the breeze,
At a boardwalk bar, just takin' it easy.
Jukebox playin', love songs in the air,
My mind wanders to a girl, sandy blonde hair.

Swayin' to waves, her smile so bright,
Wind in her hair, pink ribbons in sight.
Couldn't help but stare, caught her eye,
She said hi, and I was flyin' high.

CHORUS:

You make it so easy the way you love me
Unconditional, unconditionally
You love me unconditionally

I reread my review from last time and there are various things that you did not correct:

You talked about the storm brewing up in the shallows but then suddenly your sins are being jettisoned into the depths of the sea. I guess that tide dragged you out quite a way. Then she lets loose the sails of her heart when any sailor in a storm would have been bringing them in.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

THESE ARE REPEATED FROM LAST TIME:

The wind in her hair, pink ribbons in her hands - this is a nice image, though it raised a question of why she carried rather than wore the ribbons which is not addressed. Also, the line had a lot of syllables compared to all the others so did it spoil the rhythm of the song?

Unconditional, Unconditionally
You loved me unconditionally - random capitalization of second Unconditionally after the comma

This line is a bit of a mouthful - Take away this curse of shameful infidelities - but you seemed to sing this fine. But as with the main theme of my critique, you use too many words and could say this simpler.

THIS IS NEW

I see it in your eyes and feel it in your heart
Love was all around me - Confused tenses present and past


Thanks for sharing.

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My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
123
123
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, Dr M C Gupta . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "AVENGING THE TWIN TOWERS--award winner"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Can the gentle sweep of snow in Afghan mountains hide the violence lurking in them? Continual terror exploding apart human lives. Enemies fight but are not extinguished. Is seven years enough to avenge the twin towers? Can the wintry snow hide the violence once again?


*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

The Americans stayed for twenty years but there are now no regular troops in the country. Al Quaeda remains in the country now ruled by the Taliban though most of their leadership from the 911 era has long since been wiped out. The Afghans are still killing each other, a practice that is millennia-old.

I liked the use of the snow on mountains image and the hope the poem expresses of peace even amidst so much turmoil. Whether or not the land will ever know peace is another matter.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

The poem is concise and uses memorable imagery in a rhythmic way


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
124
124
Review of DarkMoon  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hello, Angelica- House Florent B & W . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "DarkMoon"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Offspring of a fallen angel, Darkmoon, clings to darkness and shadow, luring the weak into his traps so that he can eat them. Today he sees a young man with a horse and begins his routine...


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

At first, I thought this piece was just going to glorify and affirm the dark side, given that the character in the story shares the author's name. So the ending surprised me.

I was a little confused regarding the context. You had a horse and wagon in one sentence and then described skyscrapers in another. So originally I placed this in 19th century America but by the end, I was thinking of modern metropolitan USA.

Any story where good triumphs over evil is good in my book though you spent much more time reveling in the dark of this story than in its light.

The description did not make sense to me:

The Dark Angel... He loved to do evil things.. but when did he do evil for good? - Surely he never did evil for good but maybe you meant that this was the moment his evil timed out and was finished for good.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Since you wrote this grammar tools have improved markedly. Try out quillbot.com or Grammarly for instance. There were a lot of errors and the piece could be improved a lot if you dealt with these.

seperate - separate

The sick dies, - sick is singular so sick die


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
125
125
Review of Cosmic Serenade  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, Ryan S . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Cosmic Serenade"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

With grandiloquence and eloquence, the poet writes a sonnet for the woman he loves, nay worships.

*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

Gestures of love and romance are often over the top, exaggerating virtues and beauty well beyond what is humanly possible. Such is the depth of feeling that love evokes. This poem does not disappoint using words of multiple syllables to express simple devotion.

But then who would not find interesting a woman whose eyes contained labyrinths, stormy oceans, and pantheons of intellect, not to mention entire galaxies?

She does not speak here but apparently, her voice is like that of a cosmic muse and a seraph all rolled into one.

This is more spiritual than erotic so I wondered if it would work just as well as some kind of Marian hymn or praise of wisdom (Sophia).

After reading this I felt that no woman was really worthy of these words that better belonged to God than a human being.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Good vocab, well written. You kept the rhyme except in the third stanza.


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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